中国传统礼仪习俗概论

Chapter Two. Decent Manners

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What is manners?

•The unenforced standards of conduct which show the actor that you are proper, polite, and refined. •No formal system for punishing transgressions, other than social disapproval.•Decent manner in life and work

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Manners and appearance

•Full of grace and confidence in each manners•Walking: head, chest, stomach, and hip•In public: light, slow, and quiet gait•Appearance: neat, clear, and not ostentatious

Decent manners

•Sense of time•Handshake•Eye contact

•In and out of an office•When taking an elevator or escalator

•When taking a car•Smile

Be punctual

•Basic discipline•15 minutes in advance•30 minutes in advance•Being late or arrive hastily•Far away from destination

When face interviewer…

•Do you have a handshake with him?•Do you say hi first? •Do you have eye contact when communicating?•Do you say goodbye and show your gratitude to interviewer?

Arts in handshake

Rule:•Host, hostess --- guest•Senior ---- junior•Superior --- subordinate •Female, foreigner --- male•Authoritative --- unauthoritative

Arts in handshake (continued.)

•Tight but not over tight•Usually last 1 to 3 seconds•Nodding head instead of handshake•Junior should a bit bend over to senior•Handshake with two hands for showing great respect, but better to use one hand in company•Male: only shake gently to female’s fingers part•Keep hands dry and warm•Smile and eye contact goes with handshake at the same time

Eye contact

•Be rude and aggressive for long time stare•Lock in triangle area around mouth•Last 30%-60% of the whole conversation or communication•Last longer: extroverted, female, feel comfortable, interested, or glad, when try to persuade sb (VS: introverted, shy, guilty, upset, unconfident, etc)

Eye contact (continued.)

It is rude and aggressive for lasting eye contact more than 60% of the communication, except for:•Junior and inexperienced to senior and sophisticated for respect or interest•Superior to subordinate for appreciation or recognition•More interested in person than topics (p.l. visiting friend)•In negotiation, it stands for strength and confidence

Eye contact (continued.)

• The speed and range of eye movement•A little bit rapid: smart, lively, and energetic•Too rapid: dishonest, immature, and undignified ( “ 挤眉弄眼” 、“贼眉鼠眼” )•Slow motion: dumb, wooden-headed, and slow in reaction or response (“ 死鱼眼” )

In and out of an office

•Knock lightly or press door bell•Go second both in and out•Open/push and close/draw the door for others•In and out all by hands, and had better by left hand

When taking an elevator or escalator

•2 people•3 people•4 people can not walk shoulder to shoulder•When with more than one guest, senior, superior, and lady, to go into an elevator: 1. Some one in elevator 2. Empty elevator•Press button to different floors for others including strangers•Press open button and let people out first•Standing position

When taking a car

• When you are the driverOne guestTwo guestsThree guests

• Host drives with hostess and guestsOne guestTwo guests

When taking a car (continued.)

When there is a designated driver•One guest•Two guests•Door open•Get in later•Get out first

Smile as a powerful weapon

•Optimistic mood•Confidence•Sincerity•Kindness

中国传统礼仪习俗概论Jemelia_zhou@yahoo.com

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