jeffagostinelli.com | home of the next level podcast€¦ · 11/07/2016 · analysis paralysis and...

JEFF AGOSTINELLI

A Beginners Guide to Overcoming Anxiety Even if you don’t think you have it

by Jeff Agostinelli

Disclaimer ---------- This guide is for informational purposes only. It is not intended to diagnose, treat, or cure any illness. It’s true intent is to provide you with the understanding, reasoning, and know how to take back control of your life and steer your own ship. No part of this publication shall be reproduced, transmitted, or sold in whole or in part in any from, without the prior written consent of the author. If you are concerned or even believe that you have a more severe case of anxiety, depression or any other mental or physical ailment that requires medical attention, please seek the help of a medical professional. -----------

© 2016 Jeff Agostinelli and The Agostinelli Group LLC | All Rights Reserved | http://jeffagostinelli.com

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Sections in this guide

1. A Brief introduction – A Little Bit About Me – pg 2 2. What You Will Learn in this Guide – pg 3 3. Story Time… How I Discovered My Anxiety – pg 4 4. What Is Anxiety? Anxiety Defined – pg 6 5. Understanding the Stress Response – pg 7 6. Tell Tale Signs of Anxiety – pg 8 7. Establishing a New Normal and Training New Behaviors… My Top 3 Practices

a. Meditation – Anchor the silent observer – pg 9 b. Developing Parallel – Bringing on the observer to quiet the battle – pg 10 c. Problem Solving 101 – How to define your problem in solvable terms – pg 11

8. Action Steps for Channeling Your Anxiety – The Practice – pg 12


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Introduction The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 18% or the population, about 40 million adults in the United States age 18 and older, are affected by some kind of anxiety disorder. That means on some level, there is a mounting body of evidence pointing to the fact that even though we are one of the most privileged nations, we still tend to find things to fear, worry about and focus on that are out of our control. Our days are filled with to-do lists, that most of the time don’t have a whole lot of meaning attached to them and simply keep us busy. Could it be that we are just trying to distract ourselves from revealing the grim truth? That we don’t feel the true connection and purpose in life that we really crave? With the advent of social media and everyone having a personal computer at their fingertips, you would think that we would be the most fulfilled people ever, but that just isn’t the case. The truth of the matter is there are increasing numbers of people who crave real connection more than ever. I’ve received comments so many times, especially from people at the check out line in the health food store and places like the service department at the Volkswagen dealership like this… “It’s really great when you come in here. You always say hi and treat us like real people. We don’t get that a lot.” When I hear things like that I feel great on one side and on the other side it makes me wonder…Have we become so distracted that we forget to really get present and connect with people we encounter day to day? I can relate, I was there once too. Over the last 4+ years I’ve gone from being afraid to send a personal email to sending emails to lists of people ranging from 2000 to 100,000. I’ve gone from feeling as if I’ve had very little to offer the world to being really confident in the skill sets I’ve committed myself to. AND I continue to take my life and business to the next level on a daily basis, not as some need to continually improve, but just because I can. I’ve gone from feeling crippled when faced with a challenge and not knowing what to do, to being a problem-solving machine. I say this not to impress you, but to give you an idea of what I’ve overcome and to let you know that you can too, even if right now, you don’t think you can. The level of uncertainty we face on a daily basis just builds and builds to the point where some times we don’t even know what it’s all about. We try to juggle so many plates that inevitably some of them fall and break. If you look at nature, you’ll see that there are cycles and seasons. For some reason we think we are separate or superior to these conditions and we can function independently from them.


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Creating life practices and habits that foster introspection, calm the body and give it the necessary time to integrate and regenerate is essential in order to have more time, energy, focus, and inspired creativity. Overcoming anxiety and understanding what to do when it shows up is not a quick fix. It’s something that will require doing things differently and making the necessary mindset and lifestyle shifts that will help you get perspective and create the conditions to face your life with confidence. What you will learn in this guide… In this brief guide you will be introduced to some of the key tools, strategies and practices that I’ve used to overcome anxiety, mitigate stress, and combat overwhelm. Not to mention gettting out of analysis paralysis and into action.

Overcoming anxiety can work wonders for your social life, your personal relationships, and whatever type of work you do in the world. Some other potential benefits of nipping your anxiety in the bud can be:

• Having a natural state of gratitude • Being able to relax • Feeling like you are in control • Experiencing a deeply fulfilling personal and romantic relationships • Feeling calm, centered, and focused • Experiencing a heightened sense of creativity • Seeing problems in a whole new light • And so much MORE…

By the end of this guide, my goal is for you to feel you have at least one solid strategy to ease your pain, relax, problem solve, make better decisions, take action from a solid foundation, and most of all, start to understand where your anxiety is coming from and what to do about it. All the best, Jeff Agostinelli 2nd Edition July 11, 2016

“If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get

what you’ve always got.” Steven Hayes

“Clarity comes from engagement, not thought.”

Marie Forleo


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A brief introduction. A little bit about me… Before I dive right in, let me introduce myself. I’m Jeff Agostinelli and I love to help people take their life and business to the next level. I’m just a regular guy who has invested the last 10+ years in researching and testing different diets, personal development strategies, spiritual practices, bio-hacks, and everything under the sun to bring my life and business to the next level. Some things worked great, some, well… not so much. At the end of the day, the moral of the story is… this is what works and continues to work for me and the people I’ve worked with. I share this with you as a student on the path. One that walks with you and helps to shed some light on the subject where you may not know what to do and give you some ideas and practices to test for yourself and see what works. You can find out more about me on my website at http://jeffagositnelli.com/about. You can also hear some of my story in my first episode of The Next Level Podcast at http://jeffagostinelli.com/000. Now let’s dig in! The interesting thing about all of this is… we are living with a low level of anxiety MOST of the time and we don’t even realize it. It’s something so socially common that it’s often hard to spot until you experience something different. I didn’t even “know” I was an anxious person until I got a new perspective and that is when everything changed. I’ll dive into some tell tale signs of anxiety below, but first, here’s how I found out…. Story time… About 10 years ago I was preparing food for a client right outside of Boston, Massachusetts. My then girlfriend would be on cooking jobs with me and… we were in the kitchen making food and she suggested we do a 10-day silent meditation. I’d love to say that I remember this moment like it was yesterday, but I don’t. All I remember is being agreeable and saying “YES!” When we arrived, I was in a room divided into men on one side, women on the other and a person at the head of the room giving us “the spiel.” She was telling us we had to give up all books, phones, pens, pencils, and anything else that would serve as a distraction from meditating all day, every day, for 10 days straight. Oh yeah… you couldn’t talk to anyone for the full 10 days either, not to mention make eye OR physical contact. When I finally realized what I had committed myself to, I was a bit upset to say the least. I was boiling! I started sending vibes across the room to my then lady attempting to convey how pissed I was about being tricked into such an insane thing! I mean who would actually choose to do something like that?! Little did I know that those 10 days would set me in a totally new direction.


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After that, I had a whole new level of calm and it was almost as if I could see my life from an outside perspective. Like I could function in two parallel realities (I’ll get into this a little bit later in developing parallel). Fast forward a year to the next time I decided (on my own J) to do a 10 day meditation again... I returned home and didn’t touch tobacco or alcohol for 3 years! Even though I was “into” health, I still had some habits I wasn’t all that proud of. It wasn’t something I tried to do, it just happened. I got in my car after the 10 days (which by the way, the second time around was much harder!) and reached into the glove compartment to grab some tobacco and a rolling paper. As I lifted the beautifully rolled “glory smoke” to my mouth, I could see myself while I was doing it, as if I was watching someone else do it. That’s when I had the clear realization… it was time to move on. Previously, I was doing what was socially accepted and didn’t even think twice about it. I was a smoker for the better part of eight years and had a drink with dinner most nights. Then of course, drinking was the activity of the weekend and what we all did to “unwind.” With my newfound awareness and no real desire for most of the vices I had to this point, I was faced with anxiety in most areas of my life. Here are just a few areas where I began to notice medium to high levels of anxiety…

• Social situations; especially ones that used to center around alcohol and/or parties • Feeling alone and uneasy at dusk • Looking at everything I did and wondering if someone was “looking over my shoulder,”

which led to being extremely self-conscious • Feeling angry and frustrated when things didn’t go my way • Being incredibly impatient • Overreacting to small things • A constant feeling of being hurried and rushed • Feeling incredibly self-conscious about something as simple as writing an email • Night terrors and nightmares where I would be paralyzed by some “presence” in the room;

feeling extremely afraid and not being able to move while still asleep (I know, scary right) • And the list goes on…

Naturally when I noticed all these things showing up, blame was my new normal. Anything and everything other than me was at fault and I was determined to find a way to prove it. Slowly but surely with the practices outlined in this guide, plus some other lifestyle changes, I developed confidence, trust, feeling worthy, taking 100% responsibility for my life, a deep sense of purpose, and so much more. I went from literally having my wife read EVERY personal email I wrote to now sending emails to people by the thousands and feeling great about it, even if I make a mistake (Bonus!).


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I went from overreacting to every request to now being able to listen with an attentive ear and respond, plus be able to be firm when needed without “worrying” about the result. Now, I’m just as human as the next guy and there were certainly times down the road where those old vices crept back in; especially when life presented it’s unique challenges. The important thing here is this… every time I had a habit, behavior, or “chronic” way of being that truly required change, I was able to get it under control before it got engrained again. I share this with you to let you know that you’re not alone. That even though you may feel stuck, or trapped, that there is a way to become present with what you feel and let it turn into something valuable. I’ve been talking about anxiety for a few pages here, so before I go any further, let’s give anxiety a name and a face. As defined by Psychology Today….

Anxiety is a normal reaction to stressful situations. But in some cases, it becomes excessive and can cause sufferers to dread everyday situations. Anxiety so frequently co-occurs with depression that the two are thought to be twin faces of one disorder. Generally, anxiety arises first, often during childhood. Evidence suggests that both biology and environment can contribute to the disorder. Some people may have a genetic predisposition to anxiety; however, this does not make development of the condition inevitable. Early traumatic experiences can also reset the body’s normal fear-processing system so that it is hyper-reactive to stress. The exaggerated worries and expectations of negative outcomes in unknown situations that typify anxiety are often accompanied by physical symptoms. These include muscle tension, headaches, stomach cramps, and frequent urination. Behavioral therapies, with or without medication to control symptoms, have proved highly effective against anxiety, especially in children.

Now, if we look at the way we “normally react” to stress, the biological imperative is to preserve life at all costs. Our basic reptilian brain, the fight, flight or freeze response, has one motive… stay alive at all costs. So if we break it down a little bit further, anxiety can be simplified as a heightened state of awareness. It’s like being on high alert where anything that comes your way caries a lot of weight, or so it seems. Knowing how to spot anxiety and creating calm by adjusting your lifestyle can work wonders for your piece of mind.


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Before we dive into how to spot anxiety, even if you don’t think you have anything remotely close to the word, we first need to understand the stress response. Understanding the stress response… The stress response is that thing that kicks in when you start to feel anxious, fearful, or really threatened in any way. Biologically it’s the mechanism inherent that let’s us know we are being attacked. When we feel threatened, there are three things we can do: #1 FIGHT #2 FLIGHT #3 FREEZE #4 APPEASE The important key here is to realize that no matter which path we choose, the body reacts the same way. We feel something, we react. The super simple version is… We get a rush of biochemicals and in turn experience an increase in heart rate, an increase in shorter shallow breathing, a decrease in digestive activity and our body is now on high alert. If we are constantly on high alert, it’s near impossible for the body to calm down and perform it’s job involved in rest and repair. The body is constantly in an environment of stress and literally cannot access higher brain centers to give you the insight, intuition, and strategies to be able to make new choices clearly. This served us in the past because it is built into our biology to keep us safe and protected from external threats. It’s great when you have to face a beast and in a split second, react and decide what to do, but when it’s our constant way of being it literally wears down our body because we don’t get into a physiological state where rest and repair can happen. As life goes, we tend to react in a similar way to all situations that get logged as dangerous and require a quick response time. This may translate into being abrupt, quick to anger, impatient, condescending, judgmental… you get the idea. If I’ve painted the picture clearly, you might see by now that if you can effectively calm the body, then you’ll have access to more creativity, more energy, a broad emotional capacity, better decision making ability and so much more. Ultimately, these things have to be trained, and having the ideal training environment is the perfect place to start. Before we dive into developing some new normal training behaviors, let’s see if any of this sounds familiar. Circle or jot down any and all that apply to you. Just acknowledging these exist and becoming present with them during some of the practice can work wonders.


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Here are some tell tale signs of anxiety…

• Frequent feelings of nervousness • Panic attacks • Avoidance of places for fear of having an anxiety attack • Heightened muscle tension (headaches, sore muscles, hand tremors) • Periods of heart pounding, nausea, or dizziness • Tendency to predict the worst • Multiple, persistent fears or phobias (such as dying, doing something crazy) • Conflict avoidance • Excessive fear of being judged or scrutinized by others • Easily startled or tendency to freeze in anxiety provoking or intense situations • Seemingly shy, timid, and easily embarrassed • Bites fingernails or picks skin • Excessive or senseless worrying • Upset when things are out of place or don’t go the way you planned • Tendency to be oppositional or argumentative • Tendency to have repetitive negative or anxious thoughts • Tendency toward compulsive or addictive behaviors • Intense dislike of change • Tendency to hold grudges • Difficulty seeing options in situations • Tendency to hold on to own opinion and not listen to others • Need to have things done a certain way or you become very upset • Others complain that you worry too much • Tend to say no without first thinking about the question.1

Some other signs

• Sleep problems • Irrational fears • Muscle tension • Chronic indigestion • Stage fright • Self-consciousness • Panic • Flashbacks • Perfectionism • Self doubt

---------------- 1Amen, Daniel G., and Lisa C. Routh. Healing Anxiety and Depression. New York: Putnam, 2003. 47+. Print.


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If you find a few of these that fit your normal way of operating, that’s literally the biggest first step. Realizing you do something and acknowledging the fact that something in you exists is the first step to change. Often, just this process in itself can begin the transformation process. Establishing a New Normal and Training New Behaviors… Here is where we start to train new behaviors and developing a new normal for the stress response. You see all behavior is learned. By practicing these 3 things, you’ll begin to train the stress response in a new way. These 3 alone have the power to significantly change the way you operate in your daily life because you are beginning to practice a new normal. For the next 6 days, train one practice for 2 days each. After that you can do it any way you want and mix and match, but start first by focusing on training one at a time.

1. Meditation – Anchor the silent observer 2. Mindfulness - Developing parallel 3. Problem Solving 101 - Defining your problem in solvable terms

Be patient with yourself. Self-awareness and being the commander of your ship takes time. It’s not as cut and dry as we like to think. If you could use a little help from a friend, email me at [email protected] to find out how you can work with me to develop you own personal practice and get some help to make this stick. In some of my other programs, we also help you craft the lifestyle practice to fit your personality, your strengths, and your major goals. As you put these into practice a little bit each day, you will start to see the fruits of your labor, your new normal forming, and your ability to see any situation for what it really is. Understand, being different takes time. I don’t believe in quick fixes or magic bullet solutions. What does work though is being willing to be new and check in along the way to see what’s working and make the proper adjustments. #1 – Meditation - Anchor the silent observer Your first 2 day practice is meditation. The purpose of developing a meditation is to build a practice. To train yourself to be still even when there is a lot going on… even if it means being the calm in the eye of a storm. There are sooooo many benefits to meditation and more scientific research coming out daily to prove it’s effectiveness in many areas of life. Just do a web search for the benefits of meditation and you will see a TON of resources. First, choose a time frame. I find 20 minutes is a sweet spot. 10-15 minutes is a little short and 30 minutes or more can be very tough to stick with as a daily practice. Sit in a comfortable position with your spine straight. Sit in a chair if you have to or if you are “one of those”, you can get all fancy and purchase a meditation pillow and all that good stuff. Just like having good posture, the idea is to have your back in it’s natural state and keep a strong flow of energy up and down the spine. Imagine you have a string pulling your head up, chin tucked down slightly, shoulders relaxed. Every smart phone has a timer, so set a time for your chosen


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timeframe. Believe me, this is the best way to do it. Trying to keep track or estimate how much time you have been sitting defeats the purpose. Just make sure all your notifications are off or your phone is on airplane mode. Close your eyes and focus your attention on your breath, where it is in your body, and the air as it passes along your nostrils. If your mind wanders, just bring your attention back to your breath. The best time is first thing in the morning and last thing before you go to bed. Find somewhere other than bed to meditate because you will fall asleep. There is just too strong of an association between bed and sleep (and one other thing of course). For these 2 days, aim for morning and night. Set yourself up for success and schedule your sit time in your favorite calendar. Extra tip: Meditate in a quiet room! Even the best of us get thrown off. If you have kids or if there is a lot of noise where you live, just pick up some foam earplugs. They work wonders! You can use them if your significant other snores too! Bonus. #2 – Mindfulness – Developing Parallel How is mindfulness different than meditation? I’m so glad you asked. Mindfulness, as I’m using it here, is doing what you are doing when you are doing it. You can practice this all day, every day, no matter who is around. The idea here is to be completely present with the task at hand. Here are some examples… When you are walking, observe. Look around and notice what is in front of you. On the side, the colors, the trees… Notice your feet as you walk on the ground. Build out your senses and your experience by noticing what you are experiencing when you are experiencing it. Just like with meditation, if you notice your mind wandering, bring your attention back. If you tailspin into some crazy thought, come right back to your experience. This one works wonders with business associates, friends, your lover, and everyone else. When you can be fully present with someone, they can tell! And they will appreciate it. A big part of anxiety is wrapped up in worry. When we can zap ourselves out of worry and into being present, the reflection process and being aware starts to kick in. Use mindfulness for the second 2 day practice. Start with one activity that you do many times a day. For example… If you drive a lot, be ultra aware while driving. Feel your hands on the steering wheel, your foot on the gas pedal and your body in the seat. Tune in to everything going on right now. NOTE: Drive safely! Obviously, still pay close attention to driving like you normally do, just start to use your senses in a more fine tuned way. For day one of this two day practice pick one activity to be ultra mindful of. On day two add in one more activity. Brushing your teeth is also a great one especially if you practice good hygiene J The idea here is to Develop Parallel, another view or perspective on the same situation mostly based in feeling. The ultimate goal is to have a witness mindset and begin to consciously understand if your actions and behaviors are really working for you.


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#3 – Problem Solving 101 – Define your problem in solvable terms For your final 2 days, you’re going to play a little mental and emotional gymnastics. This is likely one of the most important skills you will ever learn. I know, pretty big right? Most of us talk about our problems as if they are things happening to us. There are a ton of ways to play with language and reframing thoughts, feelings, and situations. This is just the tip of the iceberg, and in my coaching and programs, we go into this at length. The framework below will get you off to the right start. The goal here is to frame your challenges, and really anything that is happening in terms of what IS and what is really true. Here are a few examples of what we commonly say and how to shift it. Example - “I don’t have enough time.” In this example, time is now the culprit. I hear this a lot, and while it’s partially true, there isn’t really any way to address it. Framing the problem this way makes it a problem of time. The reason this can seem really troubling is because you literally can’t make more time. We all have the same amount of time in a day and framing your problem in these terms sets you up for failure. We all know that on some level, this really isn’t the problem, yet we let ourselves get away with saying it time and time again. There are many ways to get into defining the problem in solvable terms, and here, I’ll highlight the two I use the most. #1 – Turning the Problem into a Question. Problem: I don’t have enough time! Question: If I did have enough time, what would I do? In this example, after you ask the question, give yourself a couple minutes to jot down the answers in a journal or on your phone. Then look at your list and see if there is one item you can do right now. Take the smallest action you can to start to work your new muscle. There is significantly more power in using pen and paper, so grab yourself a small journal and keep it just for this practice. #2 – Write It Out – The Brain Dump When I find myself caught in a world wind of not knowing what to do, one of the best ways to understand the source of the problem and excessive thought is to write it all down on a piece of paper. A nice blank piece of paper will do just fine. Sit down and literally take everything out of your head and put it on paper. I call this the brain dump. After you do the brain dump, look over what you wrote and write your problem of I don’t have enough time in 3 more specific phrases. It may sound something like this… I wish I had more time to read and relax. I really want to go to the beach. I just want to sit back and watch a movie. Now you at least have a few items on your list that can actually be solved. It’s a simple exercise, and it can work wonders for your mental and emotional well-being. I’ve used this process for years with personal and business related projects, coaching clients, and even friends and family members.


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Finding the real challenge and taking some small actions to address the source of what is troubling you is what you’ll start here. With the first four days under your belt by first meditating through anchoring the silent observer and then engaging mindfulness by Developing Parallel, you should have the momentum to catch your “problems” as they arise. When they do, simply practice defining your problem in solvable terms. Intentions work wonders, so for these final two days, set the number of times you will practice this. Try three on for size and see how that works. The nature of practice… Having a practice is important because it is simply that, a practice, not perfection. Perfection doesn’t really even exist. It’s an ideal we raise ourselves to that keeps us stuck and making a lot of excuses that keep us safe in our comfort zone and protects those pesky little belief patterns. Practice these three things and begin to investigate your own life. See what opens up for you, how you can start to gain a new perspective, and ultimately draw different conclusions by doing things differently. You may find out like so many others that often times, the simplest approach is the most effective. My hope with this guide is that you find one of these practices highly useful and it begins to revolutionize the way you see your life from it’s many vantage points and you begin shifting things not because they got so bad, but because you noticed things required change. Want some one-on-one help in this area? Email me at [email protected] to find out more about my custom coaching programs where I’ll help you clarify and drastically improve the areas of your life that need it most.

“Every time you are tempted to react in the same old way, ask if you want to be a prisoner of the past or a pioneer of the future.”

Deepak Chopra

jeffagostinelli.com | home of the next level podcast€¦ · 11/07/2016 · analysis paralysis and...

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