写作讲评课. how to polish your composition to make it take on a new look?
TRANSCRIPT
写作讲评课
How to polish your composition to make it take on a new look?
第二节:书面表达(满分 30 分 )你校某研究性小组正在开展关于“学生与家长、老师、同学之间的关系处理 ”的调查。请你就这一话题,按照下列要点写一篇短文:1. 现状:关系处理总体较好,但仍存在一些问题,如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。2. 你个人的改进意见(至少两条)。注意:词数 100-120 ,文章的开头已给出(不计词数)。A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
文体 (type of writing)
审题 人称和时态 (person and tense)
要点 (main points)
The first step:
第二节:书面表达(满分 30 分 )你校某研究性小组正在开展关于“学生与家长、老师、同学之间的关系处理 ”的调查。请你就这一话题,按照下列要点写一篇短文:1. 现状:关系处理总体较好,但仍存在一些问题,如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。2. 你个人的改进意见(至少两条)。注意:词数 100-120 ,文章的开头已给出(不计词数)。
文 体 : 议 论argumentation人称和时态:第一人称、一般现在时 the first person 、 the present tense要点:
结构Structure
审题
要点 段落
The first step:
文体 : 议论 argumentation
人称和时态: the first person the present tense
Para1
Para2:present situation
Para3:personal advice
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school.Generally speaking, we are getting on well with others. But there consist of some problems such as quarrel with classmates, not listen to parents and teachers educated and so on. In our daily life, it is easy to have different comments with others. Sometimes we may argue with our classmates when we have conflicts in words or actions. We may pretend not to listen to our parents words which are benefit to us.Therefore, we should make our efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, we should respect everyone whoever older or younger than you, and learn to listen to others carefully. On the other hand, we could communicate with others and tell your problems.Every progress, however small, will truly make a different to improve your problems.
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking, we are getting on well with others. But there consist of some problems such as quarrel with classmates, not listen to parents and teachers educated and so on. Therefore, we should make our efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, we should respect everyone whoever older or younger than you, and learn to listen to others carefully. On the other hand, we could communicate with others and tell your problems. Every progress, however small, will truly make a different to improve your problems.
structure
恭喜:现在您拥有了好身材!
语言Language
准确性 accuracy
多样性 diversity
连贯性 coherence
The second step:
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking, we are getting on well with others. But there consist of some problems such as quarrel with classmates, not listen to parents and teachers educated and so on. Therefore, we should make our efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, we should respect everyone whoever older or younger than you, and learn to listen to others carefully. On the other hand, we could communicate with others and tell your problems. Every progress, however small, will truly make a different to improve your problems.
exist quarrelling
listening
is
difference solve
语言Language
准 确 性accuracy
多样性diversity
连贯性coherence
亲,麻烦给好评哦!第一档( 1-6 分)
第二档( 7-12 分)
第三档( 13-18 分)
第四档( 19-24 分)
第五档( 25-30 分)
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school.All in all, the relationship between them is well. But it still have some problems, such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage in the students’ growth.As far as me concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Here are some advice. When we argued with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solution. We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. Showing respect to others is also very important. I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken.
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school.All in all, the relationship between them is good. But there still exist some problems, such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage to the students’ growth.As far as I’m concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Here is some advice. When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solutions. We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. Showing respect to others is also very important. I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken.
accuracy
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school.All in all, the relationship between them is good. But there still exist some problems, such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage to the students’ growth.As far as I’m concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Here is some advice. When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solutions. We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. Showing respect to others is also very important. I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken.
1. 关系处理总体情况较好。
原句: All in all, the relationship between them is good.
Generally speaking/In general, we are getting along well with others.( 参考范文)
Diversity
On the whole, Ss can deal with their relationships with classmates, Ts and Ps properly.
Useful expressions : Generally speaking/In general/ On the whole, get along well with, deal with sth properly…
……for example, some Ss easily lose their temper because of anxiety and heavy pressure. Others may turn a deaf ear to their Ts and Ps.
2. 但仍存在一些问题,如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。
原句: But there still exist some problems. Such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents.
Useful expressions : have words with, lose one’s temper, anxiety, pressure, burden, ignore, neglect, pay no attention to, turn a deaf ear to
朱茜茜: Many problems still exist, varying from quarrelling with classmates to turning a deaf ear to their Ts and Ps.
倒装句:
3.These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage to the students’ growth.
Useful expressions : do harm to/be harmful to/be bad for, have a bad effect/influence on
Not only will these problems make the relationship worse, but also they do damage to the students’ growth.
4.As far as I’m concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible.
From my perspective, it is urgent that we (should) spare no efforts to solve these problems.
王佳: We should do our utmost to improve the situation without delay, which will definitely benefit us.
Useful expressions : In my opinion/view/eyes,From my point of view/my perspective/where I’m standing, To my understanding……It is compulsory/essential/vital/urgent that……Spare no efforts/make every effort/do one’s utmost…
5.When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solutions.
When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents, who may give us useful solutions.
三维设计原句 P116 : High school should focus on not only Ss’study but also their moral education to make them become all-round persons.
用定语从句合并:
arguing
6.We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face.
周煜炀: A face-to-face talk is very useful, _______
we can understand each other better. (定语从句)
吴柳斌: The fact lies in the absence of face-to-face communications between them.
where
王巧君: It cannot be emphasized too much that face-to-face communications do help a lot.
7.Showing respect to others is also very important.
Showing respect to others is of vital importance/cannot be stressed too much.
Useful expressions: of great/vital importance/significance, cannot be stressed/emphasized too much, cannot be overstressed/overemphasized
三维设计原句 P132 : Those who know to tolerate others can naturally lead a happy life. (姚昊杰)
respect
8.I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken.
强调句:
It is these measures that will make a big difference.
徐紫怡: So when it comes to Ss’ education, everyone should do their part in it.
It will surely make a big difference with these measures taken.
with 结构:
恭喜:现在您拥有了一大笔财富!
coherenceFill in the blanks, using proper conjunctions(连词 ).
A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking/In general, we are getting along well with others. ___________, many problems still exist, varying from quarrelling with classmates to turning a deaf ear to their Ts and Ps. Not only will these problems make the relationship worse, but also they do damage to the students’ growth.___________________________, it is urgent that we (should) spare no efforts to solve these problems. _______, when we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents, who may give us useful solutions. ____________, it cannot be emphasized too much that face-to-face communications do help a lot. _________, those who know to respect others can naturally lead a happy life. _____________, it will surely make a big difference with these measures taken.
However
From where I’m standing, First,
What’s more, Finally,
In conclusion,
书写 -帅!
好的作文
文体结构 审
题人称和时态要点 段落
语言准确性
多样性
连贯性
书写
同学:现在你知道如何实现从屌丝男到高富帅的华丽蜕变了吗?