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R 0 M PAP RENTSR Ethoughts reflections craig H hart

time university student taking child development class learn something babywife kerstine badjustbad just until now professor craig H hart studying children parents

familiesfromfamilies trom both academic apersonalperspectivepersonal perspective research included time spent systematicallyobserving children interact peers numerous playgrounds including BYU child family studies

laboratory preschool published numerous studies parent child interaction data gathered chinarussia australia japan variousvariouspartsparts united states internationally recognized scholar

father offousoffourfour children professor hart chair ofmarriagemarriage family human development brigham younguniversity MARRIAGE & FAMILIES recently discussedparentingdiscussed parenting andfamiliesfamilies professor hargharthayt

thefollowingfollowing observations drawn next issue ofmarriageMARRIAGE & FAMILIES willfeaturefeature secondpart discussion particular emphasis issues discipline schooling

here myth discussing research along adept joining groupprevalent among scholars line debunks myth peers illustrate several

parents dont matter parents don t matter years ago observingpast 24 years study august 2000 MARRIAGE & children louisiana stateobservation convinced me FAMILIES available online university child developmentotherwise example marriageandfamiliesbyuedulmarriageandfamiliesbyuedu laboratory noticedgrowing body scientific evi-dence

peer group behavior child carefully watch-ingindicates children stems part quality children play

success failure life parenting children farm set few momentsoften traced how well receive important lifelonglife long started playing wood-

enget along peerspe ers adjustment children dowel next groupparents provide founda-tion

socially competent breakhow well children capable regulating action child started march-

ingadjust peer groups impulses emotions wooden dowel acrossways else 1I tend friendly floor toward groupappreciated opportunity cooperative telling them farmer

12MARRIAGE & FAMILIES

jones asking them fathers patient tractibilitytractability persistencetractor you like responsive playful completing tasks third

him drive immedi-ately

mothers less coer-cive

approach inhibitionaccepted ongoing interactions involves inclination

play children further approach new situationssame day low marital conflict com-

binedpeople wary with-drawnobserved another less socially measures positive

competent child trying gain parenting our statistical addition genetic predispo-sitionsentry same group model even less aggressive create differences

did calling attention behavior observed children within samehimself saying irrelevant peer group school family every parent

things like hey I1 m wearing experienced exampleblack shirt today even children impulsive

tried get children inclined thrill seekingdo something else telling others meansthem didndian t like playing differing temperaments parents work harder

farm toys peer group very clear differences help them discover waysbasically ignored him children behavioral styles manage impulsiveness

surprisingly our studies observed beginning challengingearly peer interaction show early childhood various those parents believe

number family factors studies identified multi-tude

children should alikecontribute development differing temperament researchers now identi-

fiedchildren social skills types actual genetic markerlack thereof these researchers boiled drd4drda modestly

factors include type par-enting

types down three broad associated impulsive novchildren receive level classifications I1 think elty seeking behavior however

marital satisfaction very descriptive first individuals choose over-ridehome nature sibling category reactivity these types biological

relationships example negative emotionality proclivities willingrecently completed study manifest irritability work recentrussia showing physical anger inflexibility frequent research demonstrated

relational aggression direct-ed

distress second self appropriate parenting helptoward peers school regulation seen diminish negative predisposi-

tionsoccurred less frequently emotional control low dis enhance child charac-teristicsteristics lesscomplete 2

relevance researchday day parenting involves

recognizing children rearedN

same home likelydisplay different interests per-sonalities behavior

unique biological blueprintsprovbrovprovidedidedaided parents coupled

14 predispositions tal-entsE desires children bring

t world themI1 believe these

MARRIAGE & FAMILIES 13

characteristics stem us significantly yetspiritual predispositions god remains inner zonereferred cain example sovereign unless

father lies thou abdicate zone liesliar before world essence our individuality

moses 524 alternatively our personal accountabaccountaccountabilityab ilityclity 0341143144

many noble9greatreat ones good

before world abr32223322 23 research uncoveringhow different child characteris-tics

how people parentlend themselves parents decades ago researcher diana

reacting differently each baumrind identified threechild fact studies distinct styles parentingnow showing how parent child still applicable our scien-

tificinteractions dynamic study parenting todaytransactional nature coerciveparents children influencing 9 permissiveeach myriads ways authoritativeacross development people readily

parents work adapt identify styles coerciveindividual nature each permissive parenting

children authoritative parenting termwell remember words may familiarbrigham young encour-

agedyet chil-

drenparents study parents adaptchildren dispositions carefully tailored balance

temperaments deal three authoritative parentingthem accordingly 3 principles what I1 call love

another leader church limits latitude teachjesus christ latter day them correct behavior help

saints neal maxwell said them develop sound socialcourse our genes circum-

stancesskills

environments mat-ter

now authoritative parentingvery much shape should confused

r

h W

14 MARRIAGE & FAMILIES

authoritarian coercive par-enting

weaknessesauthoritarian parenting prescriptive children

denotes spanking yelling with-drawing

example may requirelove guilt tripping heavier doses

arbitrary forms punish-ment

limit settingmeted response areas

child behavior often latitudeheat moment others depend-

ingparentingparenting style focusesteaching preparing children temperaments

focus instead regula-tion

developmentalcontrol strategies stages child-

rearingoften manifest harsh circumstancespunitive ways although these type parentingmay result immediate com-pliance

fosters positive emotional assuring thempliance research indicates connection children relationship during moments

often result defi-ance

provides regulation correctionchild emotional places fair consistent limits obviously takes energy inspirainspireinspira-

tionbehavioral problems later behavior allows dedication aboveparticularly children reasonable autonomy deci-

siontime

biological proclivities towards making authoritative parents should learnanxiety hostility parenting documented appropriately playfulmy colleagues school create positive emotional children requires parents

family life recently climate helps children recognize social cuespublished studies examining open parental input children followparental overcontrolcontrol another direction children lead childrenform coercion mani-fest

better adjusted school less play I1 used play run arounddirective overprotective aggressive delinquent less shed my boys

parenting form parent-ing

likely abuse drugs young where dappears lend itself friendly accepted peers run around way meet

children socially inhibited capable moral reason-ing

middle scare eachtemperaments becoming even self controlled then run around

withdrawn peers way comesauthoritative parenting point parentstill regulation realize children being

parent still authority stimulated activitystyle parenting grows connecting youyour kids needs toned down

what adolescent research children need healthy dose perhaps childrenliterature suggests three love connection outgrown favorite activitythings finding parents family research suggests parentsyounger children basically need members care them model appropriate social

well emotional connec-tion

expressing love finding cue reading playful interac-tionsparents love regula-

tionthose ways connect conversations

limits foundation authoritativeautonomy children likelylatitude major advantage parenting parents lovingly accurately read social

authoritative parenting connect children environments performadaptable each showing affection praising favorably interactions

child unique strengths what do reading them peers

MARRIAGE & FAMILIES 15

parents should help trick parents figuring quencesquencasquen ces helpchildren homework show how balance child see punishment

interest activities connection responsibilities fits crime speakattend sporting musi-cal

parent following through conse-quencesevents those kinds things limit setting roles important

may seem obvious child should knowvery important gordon skates through kitchen

B hinckley spoke volumes rollerbladesrollerblades going putthese few words counsel away couple daysparents kind your chil-dren

helping children live limits point try againcompanionable while love foundation see get right

them 5 another occasion authoritative parenting children our research showsstated every child entitled need appropriate limits important possi-

blegrow home where spencer W kimball taught parents provide reasonswarm secure companion-ship

setting limits what child rules advance you re takingwhere love do means child young children library let

family relationship where appre-ciation

you love respect him 7 what them know before you getanother taught appropriate setting limits people reading

exemplified 6 depends given child dispo-sition

stay longpeople say you maturity way quiet respectful

really shouldnshouldna t friends parenting like riding horse others children faryour children you re children needing responsive parents don tparent keep mind ezra taft tighter reins needing react arbitrarily misbe-

haviorbenson admonition parents looser children studies showreal friend your respond well limits those type predisposingdisposingpre ward

children know become defiant know-ing

off misbehavior young chil-drenresearch children let reins 60 70 percent

good relationships tighten your grip timefathers takes lot creativity older children reasoningmoth-

ersinspiration reproof often necessary

involves many limits implicit however come acrossparents responding instance children grow preaching may provoke

promptly parents strive eat opposition testiness rather

ibliebli appropriately dinner family always wear telling teens what doB W cues seatbeltsseatbelts never curse I1 personally found

re may need explicit rules playing consultant role oftensecure matters works better consider sayingt h e i r parents do create explic-

itthings like 1 I certainly

Z t11t c h limits helps distin-guish

understand your frustrationments between mountains given options ve talkedr parents molehillsmolehillymolehills make what do you think you

number rules overwhelming should do what do yourollerbladingrollerblading new want happen here

securere base hardwood floors mountain 1 I m confused whywork re understandable then you want drop algebra youusually better good rule place seemed excited careeradjusted well logical consequences electrical engineering thesepeer groups 1I like idea logical conse kinds approaches often

16 MARRIAGE & FAMILIES

help teenagers come james E faust reminds usown solutions child rearing individu-

alistic

pap1

autonomous ways every child differentagain important unique what works

remember every child may work anotherdifferent respond dif-ferently

I1 do know wiseferently our teens never enough say what disciplinerequired curfews knew too harsh what too lenient

should home came except parents chil-drenhome another our themselves love them

teens found curfews matter prayerfulmainly aroused resentment discernment parentshostility period time certainly overarching

found better let undergirding principlehim set own times discipline children must

discovered generally motivated lovereasonable helped punishment 9

him understandthree rules lefthouse needed let us know

wheregoing d back allowing nutonAatonnumonautonomyaatonomyautonomqomy lo10otherwise I1 go look-ing

children differenthim adults wanting

children course might involved mak-ingtake advantage decisions

why parents need enforce affect themboundaries become timepermissive 8 children tod-

dlerstime ago parents letinstance our family where them make reasocreasoreason-

ablen

our children decided break decisions withinfamily tradition established bound-

ariesdo chores saturday my example 71t 4

wife calmly reminded child young childrengoing

late night friendschores done firstten minutes provided

allow decisionmaking time stove 0

timer set nine minutesforty five seconds later

vacuum hummingcourse

instances mis-behavior require V4punishment

MARRIAGE ac8c& FAMILIES 17

help choose what clothes 11ll heber J grant daughter want go bed helpswear older children recalled matters small realize raising childrensay how accomplish importance father seldom said fluid dynamic process whatchores teens allowed us consequently works week might work

make decisions movies did say knew next may new rea-sonsshows want meant training allowed us misbehavior occurring

watch long fall within make our decisions whenever usually takes time prayer-fulfamily guidelines giving chil-

drenpossible inspiration get

say decision mak-ing

research backs need bottom problem figurehelps them experience what allow children latitude children what try next

like driver seat experience appropriate I1 often joke I1 muchprepares them make far amount autonomy tend better parent before I1 my

ther reaching decisions later better sharing power first child authoritative parent-inglife understanding others view-

pointstakes time patience creativi-

tygiving children latitude means fewer disputes faith inspirationnegotiating compromising parents parent handles every situation

rules appropriate respectful adults general perfectly fall shortrules adjusted under better manage activi-

tiesparents need apologize

certain conditions suppose relationships our children try do betterfamily rule children peers place despite challengesplay chores done emphasis persuasion need take comfort knowing

cousin stops unexpect-edly

negotiation get way good things try doshort visit parents really do matter 1M

parents won t budge maycreate lot resentment references

children instead isee1 see hart C H newell LD & olsenparents children might perfect parent F 2003 parenting skills social

decide consider day standard setcommunicative competence childhood

J 0 greene & B R burleson edsexceptional work recipes being parent handbook communication social

alternate plan being willing principles I1 think inictininteraction skills appp 753800753 800 mahwahmahdahNJ lawrence erlbaum associates

negotiate children love limits latitude solid hart CH newell LD & sine L 2000

compromise flexibility principles apply our par-enting

proclamation based principles parenting

possible reasonable gives strategies tie supportive scholarship D Cdollahite ed strengthening ourfamiliesoarour families

them control these really subject depth look proclamation

lives prepares them inspiration comes family appp 100123100 123 salt lake city UTuriwriwrtbookcraftreal world negotiation really studying each individual 2 hart newell olsen op cit

compromise child temperament deter-mining

3 brigham young 1998 discourses

speaking what work best banghambnghambrigham young ed john widstoe saltlake city deseret book 207

0 f him daugh-ter

4 neal maxwell ensign nov 1996 21

used willingly go 5 gordon B hinckley ensign nov 1997521997 526 gordonggordon B hinckley 1997 teachingsbed I1 say gordon B hinckley salt lake city

you like deseret book 416

turn off light 7 spencer W kimball teachingsspencer W kimball ed edward L kimball

you like salt lake city bookcraft1982Bookcraft 1982 341

daddy 8 see D chapman three questions

daughter new era feb 2000 26726 7 insightsdifferent ways handling curfews

I1 gave 9 greatest challenge worldchoice like good parenting ensign nov 1990 34

w0uld say 1 I dontdont

18 MARRIAGE & FAMILIES