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Courageous conversations

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Helpful resources

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Objective

To explore the way in which we speak to one another and learn how to have courageous conversations

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Starting with Scripture

God created us in his own image - made for relationship/attachment

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What is the reality?

We see poor attachments with:

Relationship breakdown

Family dysfunction

Church and business disruption

Relational challenges

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The Demon Dialogues

Find the bad guy

The Protest Polka

The GOOD NEWS - you can change things

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Benefits of courageous

conversationsPreserving love

Resolving alienation

Empowering

Solving problems

Building growth

Clarifiying reality

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1. Get yourself ready

Why you need to be ready

Get the log/plank out of your own eye

Own your own failure and stop playing the victim

Own your own motives

Own your own fears

Own the other person’s complaints about you

Own your own distortion of who the other person is

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Deal with your emotions and healing somewhere else

Get plugged in

Script what you want to say

Practice/role play

Get expectations into proper perspective

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2 Be emotionally present

Be warm

Be in a conversation and not in a lecture

Connect even with the differences

Observe yourself

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3. Be clear about ‘you‘ and ‘I’

Look at it empathetically

Be clear in your own mind

Speak from your need and not his/hers

Be humble

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4. Clarify the problem

Clarify the nature of the problem

Clarify the effects of the problem

Clarify your desire for change

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5. Balance grace and truth

Keep in mind that the other person needs both just as you do

Lead with grace

Keep both elements present at the same time

Be aware of your imbalances

When in doubt go with grace

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6. Apologise for you part in the problem

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7. Use the formula , when you do x I feel y

Concentrate on feelings

Identify your feelings

Stick to you experience

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8. Apologise for you part in the problem

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9. Avoid ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’

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10. Be specific, specific, specific

Sometimes make notes - the importance of documentation

Be careful with language

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Work sheetIdentify a situation that you need to address

Why is this a challenge for you?

Preparation

What is your position?

How can you illustrate your thinking, how will you test your view?

What might their reaction be?

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