1III/2017

BULLETIN

2

FOOD & LIVE MUSIC!

SIGN UP FOR BAR’N’NIGHT VAAKUNA’S MOBILE CUSTOMER LOYALTY CARD,

VILLIKORTTI!

E.G. Night5e John Smith john.smith@example.fi

The text will be charged at €5 on your mobile phone bill. For downloading the card, standard data rates

set by your mobile network operator apply.

16130TEXT “Night5e Firstname Lastname email” to

AFTERWORK

EVERY DAY 6 P.M.-9 P.M.

AVOINNA MA-KE 18-02 / T0-SU 18-04

OPENING HOURS: MON-WED 6 P.M.-2 A.M. / THU-SUN 6 P.M.-4 A.M.

1.5.–31.8.2017

9.6. AIMO 21.7. BLASTER 5.8. JURASSIC-AFTER PARTY

Every Friday 8.00 p.m.

CORONA 0,355 L

4,50 € (6,90 €)

AMARILLO’S

SUMMER TERRACE1.5.-31.8.

Porrassalmenkatu 9, Mikkeli

9,50€(16,20€)

SOL +HOT WINGS

(6 KPL)

VALID 25.5.–25.6.2017.

* Myös alkoholiton vaihtoehto. Also non-alcoholic option.

RAATIHUONEENKATU 4, MIKKELI

FOOD DRINKS SPORTS

3

Facebook: Probba ry Instagram: probbary Snapchat: probba89

Remember to follow us in our social media channels!

Cover Picture by Anu Rantama

Editor’s Note

Bulletin’s Love Corner

Mantour Tutorial for Special Occasions

Summer Horoscopes

Throwback to KY Wappu

The Art of Makeup

8 Ways Marriage Changes Your Student Years

Outfit Ideas for Summer Festivals

The Biz School Love Bingo

Inside this edition4

5

6

8

10

16

18

19

22

WARNING!Approaching

high levels of sarcasm!

4

Aino Saarelainen, Editor-In-Chief

This month’s Bulletin has been one of the most fun, stupid, and problematic projects in my life. First of all, I had been planning a ‘Cosmobulletin’ (hehe, see what I did there) issue for almost five months before I realized that both Cosmopolitan and Cosmo are copyrighted names. Well, there goes the oh-so-hila-rious name I had envisioned. But I was determined to make the paper Cosmo-inspired.

And then some of the content turned out as not Cosmo-inspired at all. I also had to come up with pieces that would amuse everyone, and not just the readers who have read women’s magazines and un-derstand the irony. And humor is sooo difficult to get right sometimes. Semi-panic. After scrapping the Cosmo idea, I was left with a bunch of pieces that really didn’t fit together. And then I didn’t even have an idea for the cover, as I couldn’t just copy Cosmo’s cover.

After an epiphany, I wanted a picture where people jump into a lake on a summery day. Obviously all my friends thought the water would be too cold, which it was, so I had to do it alone. The idea was a huge mistake, now that I think about it. Taking the picture was so hard, hilarious, and aggravating I almost drowned in Pankalampi just because I was swearing so much.

The camera wasn’t working, and the first time I had already jumped off the dock, I could hear my photo-grapher screaming “NO NOT YET” before I splas-hed into the not-so-warm water. But all ends well, as we managed to get the camera to work, I didn’t have to be in the picture alone, and I didn’t even get a cold. But I think we might have disturbed the peace of a tranquil summer evening.

And here we are. You, dear reader, are holding a Summer Bulletin in your hands. This paper has no professional business content in it whatsoever, and the miscellaneous articles are a bit... unusual. Quality journalism, eh? Even for me. It’s summer, so could you let it slide this one time? I promise the paper will have lots of stupidity for you to enjoy or facepalm over. Have a nice read! •

Editor’s Note

5

Bulletin’s Love Corner

ällämätsääs isiisiettiovat ääthäT .attot atsievaah emmediakkaisa-ajatsimo ässämeket anakum allo emmaulah eM

.attiuluk ajotsahar tyym aj tatso anaakkaisa-ajatsimO .atsillodham no es ällämätsääS

atiola/fi.po :nenimätsääs atiolA

Married with two daughters. Looking for some side ac-tion. JK. Single, two pokemon games. Looking for so-meone to take to family events to make me look cool. Oh, and I like long walks to the fridge. - Mr. Hy-Gene

A true Kylteri doesn’t need silly pick-up lines, a simple business card should be enough.- fat_cat

Dear Estonia, I like my shots how I like you: hot and intoxicating. Not to say that you’re cheap but, quite the opposite, regal and exquisite. - From the guy who fixes your drink every week.

Howdy. I have boobs and a booty. Best of both worlds. Gender not specified. Please contact me. - The person next door

A moose hunter is looking for new pray. Age doesn’t

matter, since I have experience on bagging both a lea-ding hind and a calf. My shooting ability is top notch, and I like it when females wear orange. - forrestbiz89

Looking for a girl to ride to the sunset with. Can’t wait to tie the knot with you. The knot won’t be the only thing we are tying ;) Come to my office building, the building isn’t the only thing standing up tonight. I’m tall, dark and handsome. - Christian Gray

Looking for M/F with better curves than the CS curve. I promise I’m funny.- h$h$

I’m an Aalto graduate and a consultant at a major stock firm. I like financially providing unemployed Probba girls. Contact me when KELA won’t.- jodel_hottie11

It’s the Bulletin’s first ever (?) dating ad section! The lonely and desperate Babas are looking for other Babas. Hopefully the Love Corner will join lovers together <3

6

Mantour Tutorial

For Extra Special OccasionsText and Pictures by Aino Saarelainen Modelled by Joel Hukkala

A modern, classy man dresses up for special summer events, like confirmation parties and wed-dings. This summer, a new trend from the sunny California has reached our city up north. Man-touring, contouring for men, has lately been all the rage in Hollywood. All your favourite celebrities from Kanye West and Ben Affleck to Benedict Cumberbatch have been enhancing their manly fea-tures with a touch of makeup. And the good news is that now you can get the sizzled cheek bones and Superman chin too by following these seven easy steps!

Step 1: Find makeup. Bulletin’s team used L’Oreal Paris Infallible Sculpt Contour Duo for cream contour, Makeup Revolution Ultra Contour Palette for powder contour, and Nyx Dewy Finish Makeup Setting Spray for a finishing touch. Use similar products or the ones you can get your hands on.

Step 2: Apply light-colored cream highlight to the high points of your face, i.e. the bridge of the nose, cheek bones, center of the fo-rehead, and cupids bow. Mimic the lines in the picture and the way sunshine would light up your face. Using your fingers is the easiest way to spread the product.

Before After

7Step 3: Apply dark cream contour to the hollows of your cheeks, temples, sides of your nose and under-neath your jawline. Imagine you’re creating shadows.

Step 4: Blend your warrior makeup. Use a damp ma-keup sponge if you can find one. If not, use any sponge you can find and dampen it. Blend the makeup by dap-ping your face gently with the sponge. After blending, you shouldn’t have any hard lines on your face.

Step 5: Set your cream contour with powder contour. Use similar shades of powder on top of the correlating colors of cream. Preferably use brushes while working with powdered products. Don’t go heavy on the dark colors!

Step 6: As a special and optional touch, use a shim-mery highlight color and apply it generously to your cheekbones, bridge of your nose, and your cupids bow. Make sure your highlight can be seen from outer space!

Step 7: Sprits some makeup setting spray to your face. This blends the powders into your skin and ensures that your makeup won’t move or fade during the day.

And ta-da! Now you’re e ready to slay any special occasion

coming up this summer!

8

Summer Horoscopes

Gemini

May 21—June 21

Mars is in explosive angle and it will bring you troubles in the middle of July. Be alert and stay safe. Remember to carry protection, wear seatbelts and a helmet, and don’t drink lake water. When sleeping problems occur in the August, the best cure is to throw birch leaves over your left shoulder during full moon.

Cancer

June 22 – July 22

The end of June brings you fireworks in eve-ry meaning of the word – you will experience sparks both in a bad and in a good way. Mercury is visible in the second room, and this causes unexpected events. In July, a discounted milk surprises you in the corner grocery store. You might also find yourself in a tricky situation. Remember to stay hydrated, as Uranus’ angle makes you extra thirsty.

Leo

July 23 – August 22

As Mars makes your soulmate Aries uneasy in July, try not to get angry to them. Patience will be graciously rewarded in first days of August, when your computer will miraculously fix itself after a technologi-cal crisis. Your luck doesn’t end there, and your near-de-ath experience will show you the true meaning of life.

Virgo

August 23 – September 22

Venus makes you feel all sorts of good about yourself, so concentrate on that, not the negative aspe-

cts of your everyday life. July brings you warmth and happiness with a change of rain, so carry your umbrella with you. You might even save someone in the midst of a rainstorm In August, you shouldn’t eat meatballs. They can cause both heartburn and heartbreak.

Libra

September 23 – October 22

Uranus and Neptune are colliding in the sky, which can drastically affect your rela-

tionships during June and August. You can experience turbulences both in your home life and while flying. If you indeed are planning to take a flight, be alert at airports, as you can easily catch nasty infections due to Mercury’s unfavorable location in the summer sky. Don’t skip the hand sanitizers!

Scorpio

October 23 – November 21

Due to Jupiter’s position against the sun, you are prone on getting burns on your skin from the sun and from your oven in June. Your favorite song will start to annoy you in July, and as a short-tempered scorpio, that’ll drive you crazy. Don’t take those feelings out on your friends, since you’ll be having a blast all the way from July to August. If you don’t keep an eye out for frogs while you’re laughing, you are in the risk of breaking a bone.

Sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

Pluto, your astrological best friend, circles nearer to Neptune in the end of June, making your re-lationships rosy. Whether it’s your school buddy, room-mate, pen pal or a loved one,

Summer 2017 might seem like a drag, since we’ll be studying hard in the classrooms of Lönnrotinkatu. Luckily, Bulletin’s own fortune teller, Madame Diseuse de Bonne Aventure, has read her Tarot cards and interpreted her tea leaves. Her famously accurate predictions will guide you through the ups and downs of the upcoming summer.

Text by Aino Saarelainen

9 you are likely to have many deep and meaningful con-versations. In August, you’ll find yourself lusting after something delicious, but the supply and demand don’t seem to be in balance. Avoid bananas at all cost during July.

Capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Jupiter’s third moon heavily affects the end of June, and thus you can’t stand certain

smells. However, this will surprisingly grant you the ability to find new favorite foods you never thought you’d enjoy. Your chairs are exceptionally weak in mid-July, so watch out. Late August can bring you sur-prising news and displays of affection.

Aquarius

January 20 – February 18

Saturn brings you phenomenal luck in the end of June, so be courageous! Do the lotto,

flip a coin into the fountain, and send some job appli-cations. You’ll be graciously rewarded. During July and August, your luck fades gradually, and you should ei-ther wash your windows in June or let someone else do them for you. Jupiter’s angle towards Saturn brings trouble with anything related to the number 80.

Pisces

February 19 – March 20

Venus enters to the first room in the sum-mer sky, and can cause you sudden out-

bursts of jealousy in July. Don’t worry, they’ll pass du-ring August. Try turning those negative feelings into something positive by meditating, swimming, and climbing trees. From up high, you get a little perspecti-ve. In August, someone you thought you had lost con-tact with will come back into your life.

Aries

March 21 – April 19

Beginning of the summer isn’t really your season. Mars circulates nearer the Earth

in the end of June, making tension between you and the Moon. Howl all you like, it will ease your feelings

during July. Jumping around and taking cold showers help too. In August, you shouldn’t be driving due to overwhelming feeling of happiness. When distracted, you might get in trouble with the law enforcement.

Taurus

April 20 – May 21

You become forgetful and absent-minded in June due to Uranus’ positioning. This

might cost you some valuables, but the lost stuff will pop up in lost and found in July or August. Someone tall, dark, and gorgeous will step into your life in Au-gust. That person will become one of the most impor-tant people in your life, as you meet under very favo-rable stars. Uranus moves to the second room leaving Venus as the dominant planet. This gives your blosso-ming relationship a natural start. •

10

-VAPPU

Throwback to

Pictures by Aino Saarelainen

11

12

13

14

15

16

The art of MakeupStudy and Text by Aino Saarelainen Makeup by Joel Hukkala

I’m a huge makeup enthu-

siast, if you didn’t know alrea-

dy. And given that, I’ve always

wanted to know whether my

boyfriend, who’s very good

at arts, could paint my face as

good as I can. So I decided to

risk my face, my makeup, and

my relationship in the name of

science (and Bulletin).

17My hypothesis for this complex study is that an artistic person is good at doing makeup, even though they ha-ven’t done makeup before. Technically, doing makeup is just painting layers of pigments on top of each other with brushes, but instead of a canvas, it’s done on a face. The extensive study with a sample of one (1) will hope-fully tell me and the world the answer to this question.

Joel, the boyfriend in case, has seen me doing my ma-keup a million times. And he even sometimes compli-ments my makeup! I could say he has a fair head start to this experiment. However, I was still a little skeptical.

I’m not saying I’m a self-taught makeup guru who millions of people look inspiration from, but I’ve wat-ched a fair share of YouTube tutorials and I know what

products and techniques work for my face. And the boyfriend didn’t qui-te convince me with his skills at first. Joel tried to pour a foundation with a water-like consistency straight from the bottle to my face, but he recove-red by knowingly taking a damp makeup sponge and blended the foundation.

Quite violently, but the result was okay. I must also add that there was a stupid pun about beating girlfriends face – with a sponge and not in domestic violence type a way.

“Looks like I did nothing”, he said after he is finished blending. That’s kind of the point of blending, dear. Next up was contouring. I’ll just let the picture above speak for itself. The contour was terrible. It looked like bruising. And like a beard. And he put contour so close to my hairline it was practically in my hair. According to Joel, this is a trick the Kardashians use. I beg to differ.

At this point, I want to state how offended I was by Joel’s bad brush work. My fan brush won’t recover from the overdose of highlighter very soon. He probab-ly wouldn’t bend his precious paint brushes like that. Rude. And bronzer was just as bad as the brush techni-ques. It went something like this: “WHY ARE YOU PUTTING BRONZER IN MY HAIR?” “Well you hap-pen to have hair where I want to put your bronzer!” Af-ter terrorizing my face with a thick coat of bright pink blush, Joel was ready to move to eyebrows.

First thing he picked up was a liquid eyeliner. The vi-sible confusion was hilarious. After a thorough search,

he found a brow pencil, took five minutes scra-ping on my left eyeb-row, and left behind a box-shaped, sad-looking excuse of a brow. “What have I done?” isn’t some-thing a gril wants to hear when someone is doing her makeup. The brow pencil had apparently betrayed him.

I can surely say eyeliner was by far the worst part. Joel wanted to do winged liner and I wasn’t allowed to laugh. If I would have laughed, the liner would go crooked. I couldn’t help but to laugh, and the result wasn’t pretty. Then he decided it was a good idea to put eyeshadow on top of the liner. Well, it technically wasn’t on top of the liner, as most of the shadow wasn’t on my actual eyelid. It was in the area between the lid and eyebrow, above the crease. A very eccentric look. _Surprisingly, mascara was fine. No-one died, and no eyeballs were stabbed. But lipliner wasn’t that easy. At this point, a hungry and frustrated boy was trying to paint me a second pair of lips, and the cupids bow came out slightly pointy. After some corrections, the other side was still pointy. He gave up on the liner. As a fi-nal touch, Joel chose a bright pink lipstick to match the blue dress I was wearing. Not a bad choice.

I personally wasn’t very pleased with the end result. I was dying laughing at my contour and my eyebrows, but after sending some pictures to my friends, everybo-dy praised Joel’s skills. Apparently I was just being too picky. And I have to give it to him, it wasn’t the worst thing I had ever seen. But one thing is for sure. You can-not become a makeup artist just by painting a canvas, but you might have a small head start. •

BEFORE AFTER

18

1. Besides risking to lose your phone while drunk, you have quite big chances of losing your ring and your spouse as well.

2. You have less sex. Marriage does that, according to various sources, which include vauva.fi. And you can actually get pretty catastrophical side effects from sex deprivation, such as cancer and panic attacks.

3. You’re very likely to break up. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that after you have gotten married, only death (of sex deprivation) will do you apart. After you’ve luc-kily survived to the point where you say “I do”, there is still a 50% chance that you and the “love of your life” will go separate ways. Scientific facts, everybody.

4. You will lose your last name, and your whole identi-ty. If you have done your bachelor’s thesis with one last name and the master’s with another, people get confu-sed.

5. You will lose your money, and what is worse than being a student with no money? Being a married stu-

dent with no money.

6. You will get to know each other even better. And rea-lize you hate each other.

7. Babies. You’ll be expected to have those tiny human beings when you get married. Who thinks so? The who-le society. Babies have an unbelievable ability to wake you up 8 times a night and besides, they poop EVE-RYWHERE, zero manners. If you are lucky enough to survive to this stage, these monsters will make you go from (un)happily married to forever alone. On the other hand, that might be even an upgrade.

8. You’ll lose weight when your spouse eats all your food. Or you’ll gain weight if you eat your spouse’s food. As if there weren’t enough dilemmas already.

As you can see from the results, getting married is basi-cally entering the gates of hell. I’d suggest you read the terms and conditions well, thank me later.

Yours truly, the hopeless romantic _

How does your life change when you get married as a student? Bulletin found out that after tying the knot, your life will never be the same. Also, TRIGGER ALERT. The following content may be extremely provocative and cause elevated blood pressure. For humor uses only. Do not microwave.

8 ways in wich your life changes when

You get married As a studentText by Annu Pelkonen Picture by Aino Saarelainen

19Outfit Ideas for Summer’s Music Festivals

Text by Annu Pelkonen Pictures by Aino Saarelainen

Probba cap:Take one for the team and prote-ct everyone from getting a job in the future by wea-ring a Probba hat and going HAM. Make sure you’re a disgrace to the program.

Adidas slippers: You’ll look very hipster and retro wearing the-se, and every 60 year old Pertti will be jealous of your fabulous shoes for that one night. And as the famous saying goes: party like you have no feet tomorrow.

Lei :Go all out and steal a part of the Hawaiian culture while also being the most unique person at the festi-val. Guaranteed.

woMEN

The shortest shorts:Find the shortest shorts you possib-ly can. So short you cannot really tell if they’re shorts or un-derwear. It is as if you aren’t wearing pants at all. Becau-se you aren’t. 100% sexy, 100% comfor-table.

Bikini top :Maximize skin exposu-re with the tiniest piece of fabric you can pos-sibly get your hands on. Make sure that not too much is left covered. Imagination is for the weak.

20

New York Yankees cap:Will make you look like an athlete. And everybody loves athletes.

Muscle tee: The easy way to get the ladies (or lads), they all know what a vai-mari stands for ;) this piece of clothing will give you muscles by just putting it on. Who has time for push-ups when you have Vergi. Find the most revea-ling one, the one that goes as low as your standards. This will also give you instant Temptation Iceland-vi-bes. Elämänpeli.

Flip Flops:Preferably a pair that has diamonds on them. Will make you go from beta to alpha.

Shorts:Make sure you wear nothing un-derneath. Make a statement and take stance for gender equality. If women can show half of their assets in pub-lic, why couldn’t you? Everybody likes to see too much in public.???

MENMEN

BONUS TIP! Remember to NOT put on sun-screen so you’ll get the hottest tan lines ever and you don’t even have to show where they are or draw them on a map, because everyone will see them anyway.

21And if you really want to stand out from the sea of Jack Daniels tank tops, get your very own Vergi top now! This model is unisex and suits every Baba. Wear this if you’re hitting summer’s biggest festivals with a big group of friends and you’ll be the bells of the ball.

22The BIZ SchoolLOVE BINGO

Probba: Three words - I have Vergi

KY: Wanna be my sugar daddy?

TuKY: Would you like to see my Turku?

Preemio: I would like to climb your Puijo tower

Enklaavi: The twinkle in your eyes is as bright as your

overalls

Optimi: You’re as pretty as BePop’s dancefloor is on a

busy Hehku night

Finanssi: Will you meet me at the Wiener Fakir?

Boomi: Can you confirm the rumor that the Boomaris

suck?

Warrantti: Would you like to show me your sailboat?

Pörssi: Can you show me your famous Lake of Grains?

Hanken, Hanken Vaasa, MK: Jag vill ha en kräfts-

kiva med dig

Tallin Business School: I would bring you to my

relatives wedding like I’m bring this cargo of alcohol

PorKY: I wanna hear you speak Pori

It’s finally summer, the season of love! Or LÖÖV, as some might write and pronounce it on a Satur-day evening at Möbba. And what would be a better way than spend the wonderful Finnish summer than spreading the sweet Mikkeli spirit. As a fun activity, you can play the Biz School Love Bingo. The rules are easy: strike a conversation with a student from every business school in Finland using the magnificent pick-up lines provided by the Bulletin team. When you have ticked all the boxes below, you have completed the real-life-Biz-school version of every reality TV program ever. Good luck!

KYHanken

TuKYPörssi

PorKY

Warrantti

Boomi

Optimi

Enklaavi

Preemio

Merkant-tila Klub-

ben

Finanssi Probba

Hanken Vaasa

Tallinn Business School

Disclaimer: Idea copied straight from Suomen Lukiolaisten Liitto’s inside joke

23

Network, make friends and maximize your potential. Join the community of business school students and graduates now!

Read more:ekonomit.fi/kylteri

We were looking for a business student. Found a winning community.

Boomi, University of TampereEnklaavi, Lappeenranta University of TechnologyFinanssi, University of OuluKY & Probba, Aalto University

Merkantila Klubben, Åbo Akademi UniversityOptimi & Preemio, University of Eastern FinlandPorKy, University Consortium of PoriPörssi, University of Jyväskylä

SHS, Hanken School of EconomicsSSHV, Hanken School of Economics VasaTuKY, Turku School of EconomicsWarrantti, University of Vaasa

24

Experience the World– Choose BScBA!

aalto.fi/studies/mikkelibiz.aalto.fi/mikkeliaalto.fi/en

bscba-mikkeli@aalto.fiTel. +358 (0)50 438 9837

The Bachelor’s Program in International Business is one of the leading academic programs in Finland, offering top-quality business education in an international learning environment.

Key aspects• Studying in English• Highly respected professors

from all around the world• Intensive three-week modules• Study abroad for one semester• Completed in three years• Automatic study right to

continue for the Master’s degree at Aalto BIZ Helsinki Campus

opintopolku.fi, studyinfo.fi