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Listening: More Than Meets the Ear

Chapter Summary

•Listening Defined

•Elements in the Listening Process

•The Challenge of Listening

•Types of Listening Responses

•Communicating about Relationships

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Listening: More than Meets the Ear

Communication is more than “talking” and “waiting to talk”. It must involve “listening”.

There are many benefits to listening, but underlying most of them is the fact that;

when we listen, we get to learn something we may not have known.

we rarely learn anything by talking.

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Improve Listening Skill• How good are your active listening skills?

• If you take 12 apples from 21 apples, how many apples do you have?

12 apples… that’s how many you took.

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Listening: More than Meets the Ear

Listening•Listening is the most frequent form of communication.

•Listening has been identified as one of the most necessary skills in the business world. FIGURE 7.1

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Listening Defined

Hearing vs. Listening•Hearing

•The process of sound ways striking the eardrum and causing vibrations

•Listening•Occurs when the brain reconstructs these electrochemical impulses and then gives them meaning

•You can hear without listening.

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Listening Defined

Hearing vs. Listening•Mindless Listening

•Occurs when we react to others messages automatically• Though the term mindless may sound negative, this type of low level processing allows our brains to focus on greater tasks.

•Mindful Listening•Involves giving careful and thoughtful attention to the messages we receive•Sometimes we respond mindlessly to information that needs our mindful attention

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Type of Listening

• Passive Listening Used when no feedback response is intended or needed, such as

when listening to the radio or watching television.

• Active Listening Used to actively provide verbal and nonverbal feedback to the

speaker about your understanding of what is being communicated.

Active listening skills are necessary to carry on a successful conversation.

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The Listening Process

The Listening Process•The Five Steps of the Listening Process are:

•Hearing

•Attending

•Understanding

•Responding

•Remembering

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The Listening Process

Hearing•The physical process of the reverberation of sounds

•Hearing is influenced by many factors:•Fatigue•Temporary hearing loss

•More than 13 million people communicate with some sort of hearing impairment.

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The Listening Process

Attending•The psychological process of selecting what gets through

•We would go crazy if we attempted to attend to every message.

•Needs, wants, desires and interests determine what is attended to.

•Research shows that we pay closer attention to those messages we’re interested in.

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The Listening Process

Understanding•Occurs when we make sense of a message

•It is possible to hear and attend messages without understanding them at all.

•Someone speaking a foreign language to you may have your complete attention without your comprehension.

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The Listening Process

Responding•Consists of giving the speaker observable feedback

•Good listeners show they’re attentive through nonverbal gestures, such as eye contact and nodding.

•Listening is not a passive activity.

•We send messages at the same time we receive them.

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The Listening Process

Remembering•The ability to recall information

•Remember 50% of what we hear immediately after hearing it •Remember 35% within 8 hours•Remember 25% of the original message after two months

•Residual Message•What we remember from the original message

•There are ways to improve your retention.

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The Challenge of Listening

Types of Ineffective Listening•Pseudolistening

•An imitation of the listening process•Pseudolisteners give the appearance of being attentive.•Pseudolistening can often take more energy than real listening.

•Stage-hogging•Turning the conversation to yourself•Also known as “one-uppers”

•“You think your class is tough, let me tell you about mine.”

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The Challenge of Listening

Types of Ineffective Listening•Selective Listening

•Responding only to parts that are of interest to you•Selective listening can be legitimate:

•Commercials

•Insulated Listening•Avoiding information•When a topic arises that the insulated listener doesn’t want to hear, the listener simply avoids it all together.

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The Challenge of Listening

Types of Ineffective Listening•Defensive Listening

•Taking another’s remarks as personal attacks

•Ambushing•The listener who pays close attention but only to collect information they’ll use against you in an attack later

•Insensitive Listening•Responding to the superficial content and not the emotional

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The Challenge of Listening

Why We Don’t Listen Better•Message Overload

•The amount of speech encountered makes it nearly impossible to listen carefully to everything.

•Preoccupation•Personal concerns tend to take precedence.•It’s difficult to listen when you’re worried about other things.

•Rapid Thought•We’re capable of understanding 600 words per minute.•The average person speaks 100-150 words per minute.

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The Challenge of Listening

Why We Don’t Listen Better•Effort

•Listening is hard work.•If you’re tired, listening can be problematic.

•External Noise•Outside distractions can be difficult to ignore.•Even temperature can be a cause of poor listening.

•Faulty Assumptions•We tend to believe we’re listening attentively when we’re not.•When a subject is familiar it is easy to tune out.

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The Challenge of Listening

Why We Don’t Listen Better•Lack of Apparent Advantages

•Though not true, it seems that there is more to gain by speaking rather than listening.

•Hearing Problems•Physical problems can disrupt the listening process.

•Media Influence•Influence of the media also plays a role in our listening habits.•Short segments included in television (CNN, MTV, Adult Swim) are cause for shorter attention spans.

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The Challenge of Listening

Why We Don’t Listen Better

•Lack of Training•Believing you’re a good listener does not mean you are. •Listening takes practice.

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The Challenge of Listening

The Challenge of Listening Better•Talk Less

•If you want to understand, avoid hogging the stage.

•Get Rid of Distractions•External noise can be difficult to control.•Internal noise can be under your influence.

•Don’t Judge Prematurely•Look for Key Ideas

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Types of Listening Responses

Prompting

Pablo: Julie’s dad is selling a complete computer system for only $600, but if I want it I have to buy it now. He’s got another interested buyer. It’s a great deal. But buying it would wipe out my savings. At the rate I spend money, it would take me a year to save up this much again.

Tim: Uh-huh. (Prompting)

Pablo: I wouldn’t be able to take that ski trip over winter break . . . but I sure could save time with my schoolwork . . . and do a better job, too.

Tim: That’s for sure. (Prompting)

Involves using silences and brief statements of encouragement to draw others out

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Types of Listening Responses

Questioning•Sincere Questions

•Are aimed at understanding others

•Counterfeit Questions•Are aimed at sending a message, not receiving one•Examples:

•Questions that trap the speaker•Tag Questions•Questions that make a statement•Questions that carry a hidden agenda•Questions based on unchecked assumptions

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Types of Listening Responses

Paraphrasing•A summary of what you think the speaker is saying

Speaker: I’d like to go, but I can’t afford it.Paraphrasing: So if we could find a way to pay for you, you’d be willing to come. Is that right?

•Two Levels•Paraphrase Factual Information•Paraphrase Personal Information

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Types of Listening Responses

Paraphrasing•Several factors to consider before paraphrasing

•Is the issue complex enough?

•Do you have the necessary time and concern?

•Can you withhold judgment?

•Is your paraphrasing in proportion to other responses?

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Types of Listening Responses

Advising•Offering the speaker our opinion on solving the problem

•Before advising be sure four conditions are present:•Be confident that the advice is accurate.

•Ask yourself if the person seeking your advice will accept it.

•Be confident that the receiver won’t blame you if it doesn’t work.

•Deliver your advice supportively, in a face saving manner.

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Types of Listening Responses

The Best Listening Responses•Gender

•Choose a response style designed for the other person.

•The Situation•People do not always need your advice. Sometimes just listen.

•The Other Person•Remember who you’re talking with, and tailor your responses.

•Your Personal Style•Consider yourself when responding.•Take into account your strengths and weaknesses.