10 psychology tricks psychology tricks you can use to influence people - listverseyou can use to...

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GREGORY MYERS FEBRUARY 3, 2013

Before we get started, it’s important to note that none of these methods fall under what we

would term the dark arts of influencing people. Anything that might be harmful to someone

in any way, especially to their self esteem, is not included here. These are ways to win friends

and influence people using psychology without being a jerk or making someone feel bad.

10Get Favors

HUMANS

10 Psychology Tricks You Can Use ToInfluence People

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Trick: Get someone to do a favor for you—also known as the Benjamin Franklin effect.

Legend has it that Benjamin Franklin once wanted to win over a man who didn’t like him. He

asked the man to lend him a rare book and when the book was received he thanked him

graciously. As a result, this the man who had never wanted to speak to him before, became

good friends with Franklin. To quote Franklin: “He that has once done you a kindness will be

more ready to do you another than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

Scientists decided to test this theory and found that those who were asked by the researcher

for a personal favor rated the researcher much more favorably than the other groups did. It

may seem counter-intuitive, but the theory is pretty sound. If someone does a favor for you,

they are likely to rationalize that you must have been worth doing the favor for, and decide

that therefore they must like you.

9Aim High


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Trick: Ask for way more than you want at first then scale it back later.

This trick is sometimes known as the door in the face approach. You start by throwing a

really ridiculous request at someone—a request they will most likely reject. You then come

back shortly thereafter and ask for something much less ridiculous—the thing you actually

wanted in the first place. This trick may also sound counter-intuitive, but the idea behind it is

that the person will feel bad for refusing your first request, even though it was unreasonable,

so when you ask for something reasonable they will feel obliged to help out this time.

Scientists tested this principle and found that it worked extremely well as long as the same

person asked for both the bigger and smaller favor, because the person feels obliged to help

you the second time and not anyone else.

8Names

Trick: Use a person’s name, or their title depending on the situation.


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Dale Carnegie, the author of How to Win Friends and Influence People, believed that using

someone’s name was incredibly important. He said that a person’s name is the sweetest

sound in any language for that person. A name is the core part of our identity, and so hearing

it validates our existence, which makes us much more inclined to feel positively about the

person who validated us.

But using a title, or form of address can also have strong effects, according to the as if

principle. The idea is that if you act like a certain type of person, you will become that person,

it’s a bit like a self fulfilling prophecy. To use this to influence others, you can refer to them as

what you want them to be, so they will start thinking of themselves this way. This can be as

simple as calling an acquaintance you want to be closer to “friend,” or “mate” whenever you

see them, or referring to someone you want to work for as “boss.” But be warned: this can

come off as very corny.

7Flattery


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Trick: Flattery will actually get you everywhere.

This one may seem obvious at first, but there are some important caveats to it. For starters

it’s important to note that if the flattery is not seen as sincere, it’s going to do more harm

than good. But researchers have studied the motivations behind peoples reaction’s to

flattery, and found some very important things.

To put it simply, they found that people tend to look for cognitive balance, trying to always

keep their thoughts and feelings organized in a similar way. So if you flatter someone who

has high self esteem, and it is seen as sincere, they will like you more, as you are validating

how they feel about themselves. However, if you flatter someone who has low self esteem,

there is a chance it could backfire and cause them to like you less, because it interferes with

how they perceive themselves. That, of course, does not mean you should demean a person

of low self-esteem!

Mirroring


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Trick: Mirror their behavior.

Mirroring is also known as mimicry, and is something that some people do naturally. People

with this skill are considered to be chameleons; they try to blend into their environment by

copying other people’s behaviors, mannerisms and even speech patterns. However, this skill

can also be used consciously, and is a great way to make you more likable.

Researchers studied mimicry, and found that those who had been mimicked were much more

likely to act favorably toward the person who had copied them. Even more interesting was

their second find that those who had someone mimic their behavior were actually nicer and

more agreeable to others in general—even those not involved in the situation. It is likely that

the reason why this works is that mirroring someone’s behavior makes them feel validated.

While this validation is likely to be most positively associated with the person who validated

them, they will feel greater self-esteem and thus be more confident, happier and well

disposed towards others.


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5Use Tiredness

Trick: Ask for favors when someone is tired.

When someone is tired they are more susceptible to everything someone may say, whether

it is a statement or a request. The reason for this is that when people are tired it isn’t just

their physical body, their mental energy levels drop as well. When you ask a request of

someone who is tired, you probably won’t get a definite response, but probably an “I’ll do it

tomorrow,” because they don’t want to deal with decisions at the moment. The next day,

they are likely to follow through because people tend to keep their word; it’s natural

psychologically to want to follow through with something you said you would do.

4Offer They Can’t Refuse


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Trick: Start with a request they can’t refuse and work your way up.

This is a reverse of the door in the face technique. Instead of starting with a large request,

you start with something really small. Once someone has committed to helping you, or

agreeing to something, they are now more likely to agree to a bigger request. Scientists

tested this phenomenon in regards to marketing.

They started by getting people to express support for the rain forests and the environment

—which is a fairly simple request. Then they found that once they had gotten them to

express their agreement to supporting the environment, they were much easier to convince

when it came to buying products that supported rain forests and other such things. However,

don’t start with one request and immediately assail them with another. Psychologists found

it much more effective if you wait a day or two to make the second request.

3Keep Quiet


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Trick: Don’t correct people when they are wrong.

Carnegie also pointed out in his famous book that telling someone they are wrong is usually

unnecessary and does the opposite of endearing them to you. There is actually a way to

show disagreement and turn it into a polite conversation without telling someone they are

wrong, which strikes to the core of their ego. This is called the Ransberger Pivot, invented by

Ray Ransberger and Marshall Fritz. The idea behind it is pretty simple: instead of arguing,

listen to what they have to say, and then seek to understand how they feel and why. Then

you explain the common ground that you share with them, and use that as a starting point

to explain your position. This makes them much more likely to listen to what you have to

say, and allows you to correct them without them losing face.

2Repeat Stuff Back

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Trick: Paraphrase people and repeat back to them what they just said.

One of the most positive ways to influence others is to show them that you really

understand how they feel, that you have real empathy for them. One of the most effective

ways to do this is by paraphrasing what they say and repeating it back to them, also known

as reflective listening. Studies have shown that when therapists used reflective listening,


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people were likely to disclose more emotion and have a much better therapeutic relationship

with the therapist.

This easily transfers over to talking to your friends. If you listen to what they say, and

rephrase it as a question to confirm that you understood it, they are going to be more

comfortable talking with you. They are also going to have a better friendship with you and be

more likely to listen to what you have to say, because you showed that you care about them.

1Nod

Trick: Nod a lot while you talk, especially when leading up to asking for a favor.

Scientists have found that when people nod while listening to something, they are more

likely to be in agreement with it. They also have discovered that when someone is nodding a

lot in front of them, it is natural for them to do the same. This is understandable because

humans are well known at mimicking behaviors, especially those that they consider to have

positive connotations. So if you want to be extra convincing, nod regularly throughout the

conversation. The person you are talking to will find it hard not to nod themselves, and they

will start to feel agreeable toward what you are saying, without even knowing it.

You can follow Gregory Myers on Twitter.


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138 comments

Best

• •

Dr.Awkward •

These "tricks" annoy me, especially if I notice someone doing them to me (and I often donotice, I've read a few books, too). The most annoying incident was when I was at apsychiatrist and I noticed that he followed all of my movements. If I crossed my legs, hecrossed his, if I scratched my chin, he scratched his. I was supposed to talk to him about mytroubles, but I got distracted by trying to make him do every move I did. I knew what he wastrying to do, he was trying to build a rapport with me. In a very clumsy way. So I scratched myballs to see if he would do the same. He didn't. Instead he looked annoyed and sent meaway. :D

• •

Jamie Frater • Mod

You aren't meant to notice them being done I think :)

• •

Bazz Huerta •

We subconsciously mirror people anyway. I notice myself doing it without eventhinking,e.g. If someone I'm talking to puts a hand on their hip, mine goes there. It ishow anyone with social intelligence learns to relate.

phlox •

Your psychatrist IS clumsy or he/she would have seen that you were annoyed andhad tried to tone it down a bit. ^^ I once stopped chatting with someone because heused my name in every second sentence or more. Like: "Hello, x, how are you, x,what are you doing, x?" WOAH! What a creep.

But mirroring is simply part of our body language, it happens whenever you meetsomeone. Like, you won't get far convincing someone of your point of view when he'scrossing his arms mid-conversation. The difference is whether you are aware of whatyou are doing or not.

I think it can be quite useful to be aware of such tricks. You are less prone to fall for ityourself, when someone just tries to trick you into liking him instead of simply notbeing a total jerk.

I use "tricks" all the time at work (at a fast food place), especially with some of myco-workers - most of them don't like the job and don't care much about "optional"

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