2014-03-12-soft skills 2 · web viewwelcome to seminars at hadley, my name is ed haines. i’m an...

Seminars@Hadley

Putting the Grand Back in Grandparenting

Presented by Sharon HowertonDebbie WormanJennifer Ottowitz

Moderated by Ed Haines

Ed Haines Welcome to Seminars at Hadley, my name is Ed Haines. I’m an instructor at The Hadley School. Today’s seminar is entitled Putting the Grand Back in Grandparenting.

In 1979, President Jimmy Carter proclaimed the first Sunday following Labor Day to be National Grandparents’ Day. In this proclamation, he stated that, “Grandparents are our continuing tie to the near-past, to the events and beliefs and experiences that so strongly affect our lives and the world around us. Whether they are our own or surrogate grandparents who fill some of the gaps in our mobile society, our senior generation provides a link to our national heritage and traditions.”

In the spirit of that proclamation, our presenters today, Sharon Howerton, blind and grandmother of five or

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Sharon it maybe six, I can’t remember now; Debbie Worman, family education instructor, and Jennifer Ottowitz, certified vision rehabilitation therapist; hope to share their enthusiasm for the priceless experience of grandparenting.

We’ll begin by letting the presenters introduce themselves. There will be a time for questions at the end of this presentation. And I’m going to begin by handing the microphone over to Sharon Howerton.

Sharon HowertonThank you, Ed. I’m Sharon Howerton and yeah, it’s five. It’s just five grandkids. Thank goodness! I have been with Hadley for 13 years. I’ll explain more about my grandparent situation in a few minutes. But I’ve been blind all of my life. I have two grown sons which I guess is pretty obvious if I have grandkids. I am 64 and live in Chicago. I will give it now to Jennifer.

Jennifer OttowitzThanks, Sharon! And Sharon failed to mention that grandchild number five was just born yesterday. So congratulations. My name is Jennifer Ottowitz and I’m an instructor with the Hadley School as well. I’ve been with Hadley now for about two and a half years. I am also a certified vision rehabilitation therapist. I’ve worked for over the last 22 years, with a number of grandparents who are losing or have lost their vision. Teaching them a wide variety of adaptive skills to help them be able to live independently and do all of the

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everyday things they need to do with confidence and again, independence.

I also have a father who is visually impaired. I’m visually impaired, myself. But my father is the very proud grandfather of my 14-year-old nephew. It’s been such a pleasure just to watch their relationship evolve throughout these years. I’m very grateful to my grandparents, and to all the grandparents out there. I’m happy to be here with you today. I’ll turn the mic now over to Debbie Worman.

Debbie WormanThank you, Jennifer. Good afternoon everyone and happy Grandparents’ Day to all grandparents listening. Sunday is Grandparents' Day so that’s kind of why we scheduled this for today so it was close. I’m excited. I’m very excited to join Sharon and Jennifer in presenting this topic today. I appreciate Ed’s efforts in moderating.

To introduce myself, I guess I’m the senior member here at Hadley. I have been in Hadley since 1988. So my gosh, somebody do the math. I think that’s over 25 years. I am sighted.

Here at Hadley, my teaching duties, as they relate to today’s topic on grandparenting, include teaching courses in the ACE – Adult Continuing Education program with grandparents of students. I’ve had many grandparents. Also I teach in the family

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education program and I often teach grandparents who have blind grandchildren. I kind of have both roles there.

In addition to Hadley instructor duties, I also do information and referral phone calls and emails, so if people who have questions, they generally come to me. I’ve fielded a lot of questions concerning age-related vision loss.

Outside of Hadley, I have had most fun running inter-generational play groups that were comprised of teen mothers, their babies and toddlers, and then we pulled in some surrogate grandparents from the community and had a lot of fun with that. I also have provided counseling services to seniors in a day program.

So now that we have the introductions out of the way, I will begin today’s seminar. I wanted to share that the seminar topic had its origin in an information and referral phone call that I received from a potential Hadley student earlier this year. This caller and I’ll give her the fictitious name of Anne, heard about Hadley’s free distance education courses. And she had a list of questions about what course she should take and how to go about the enrollment process.

It was during our conversation that I happen to ask Anne what usually is my standard question of all people who call me at Hadley: What were you hoping

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to most find out about when you called Hadley today? Well Anne got very quiet and then very tearfully shared that her vision had been decreasing for some time.

While she felt she was doing okay overall with adjusting and finding resources, what really worried her the most was an upcoming visit from her three grandchildren that lived out of state. Anne expressed her worries about how she would connect with her grandchildren now that she had lost more vision. She was worried about how she would entertain them when they came. They were various ages. She wasn’t sure if she should say anything at all to them about her vision loss. She was fearful that her grandchildren would only have memories of her as their old, blind grandma. I of course assured Anne that while her fears and worries were valid, I did not for one minute believe that her grandchildren would think of her in the way she described.

I began by telling her that my own grandmother, who while faced with the challenges of low vision, scleroderma, and left leg amputation always had a way of making her grandchildren feel special. My memories of grandma Ruha [0:07:45], who I only had for eight short years included baking cookies and making rock candy; playing dominos; dragging toys and games out of her special closet; overnight stays with many, many cousins sleeping on the floor with grandma looking over us from her wheelchair singing

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in German; sewing a special pink book bag for my first day of school together; and of course always being willing to answer my questions about her missing leg. Also grandma Ruha allowed me to push the buttons to help her go up and down on her hospital bed. I have many, many fond memories of my grandma Ruha.

Much of what Anne and I talked about during our telephone conversation about connecting and creating memories with grandchildren will be discussed in today’s seminar. It is our hope that the ideas shared in this seminar will help you or help someone you care about put the grand back in grandparenting.

You will discover that many of the ideas we share can be utilized in connecting with any child in your life, whether you are a grandparent, aunt, uncle, or family friend. It has been said that one of the most joyous experiences of growing older is becoming a grandparent. In fact, someone once said, “If I knew grandparenting was going to be so much fun, I would have had grandchildren first.”

For those facing the challenges of age-related vision loss, the message is that you need not allow any fears or anxieties to rob you of treasured moments with your grandchildren. Because those treasured moments are what your grandchildren will remember about you. As we begin the different topics, I would

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like to dedicate this seminar to my grandma Ruha and all of those wonderful memories I have of her.

The first point we’d like to share to help you put the grand back in grandparenting is seek support. Remember that you are not alone. Just think, there are over 70 million grandparents here in the United States. And 1 out of 6 seniors experiences age-related vision loss due to conditions such as macular degeneration, glaucoma, diabetes, or cataracts. Somewhere, someone can do the math on that and probably figure out some exact percentage. But even my lack of math skills tells me that there are a great number of grandparents out there experiencing vision loss. You are not alone.

With numbers that high, chances are great that you can connect with other grandparents with vision loss. Begin by seeking out low vision support groups. Your local senior center, hospital, or library can help you locate such a group. Group members might meet in person, online, or by telephone. Sharon, who will be presenting in this seminar, runs a parenting online chat that meets on Wednesday afternoons. I know she invites grandparents to join her then.

If you cannot find a group, consider being a self-advocate and starting one on your own. Check with the church or library that could assist you. Talking with other grandparents will allow you the opportunity to share concerns and to problem solve with others in

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similar situations. Best of all, it will give you another venue to brag about your grandchildren. There are many organizations out there who can help you with the support and information you need. With that, I’ll turn the mic over to Jennifer who will discuss the topic of gathering information.

Jennifer Ottowitz Thanks, Debbie. So whether your vision loss is fairly recent or you’ve been living with limited vision for several years, you may want to learn more information. It may be information about your particular eye condition, about new research, about new products, or adaptive devices that can help you do your everyday task more easily and safely, and help you to stay independent; or you may want to learn more about organizations and agencies that provide services which could be a benefit to you.

There are several ways that you can gather this information. Debbie just mentioned a great one. By being a part of a support group and connecting with others who are visually impaired, you have a wealth of resources to gain information. You can share about what works for you. They can share what works for them and give you a lot of ideas about things to try or where to go to seek assistance.

Now, another way to gather information, of course nowadays, if you want to know anything about anything, you look it up online, right? Even people

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who have problems with their vision can still use computer technology to do that. I’ll talk about that a little bit later in the presentation. But whenever you’re looking up information online or your family members are looking up information online, we really want to encourage you to not be deterred by the word blind. Sometimes people say, “Oh, I’m not blind. I can still see.”

But there are a lot of organizations out there that have blind as part of their name just to help identify and group the services they provide. For example, The Hadley School for the Blind and The American Foundation for the Blind. We don’t want you to miss out on all the great resources they have to offer just by eliminating the word blind from your search. These organizations, including Hadley, provide a wealth of information and resources to people with a wide range of vision loss. So feel free to use the word blind in your search.

Now, I do just want to take a moment to tell you that as part of this seminar, we did put together a handout, a resource list handout. That’s going to be available online on our Hadley website once the seminar of the audio recording of this seminar is posted. That will take about a week but then you can access our handout at any time. I’m just going to tell you about a couple of resources that are listed on that handout. But we also have listed the names of books related to grandparenting that we thought you might find

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interesting. There are other resources on there as well. So we really encourage you to check out that handout in about a week or so when it becomes available.

Right now, I’m going to tell you about a new program that Hadley has called Low Vision Focus at Hadley. This was one of our new programs. It has several different components. The biggest component is that we offer 10 free audio recordings on a variety of topics and I’ll mention those in just a moment. These recordings offer suggestions and tips, so ideas of how to do things in new ways. Things that you always have done, things that you need to do to take care of yourself, to take care of your home, or your family, your grandkids. These recordings are available on digital talking book cartridge. So you can just put that into your digital talking book player and listen to it. They are available on CD or available as a download, an audio download that can be downloaded onto a Kindle or an iPad or a similar device.

Now the topics include making the kitchen user friendly; getting around in the house; going out with a friend; basic tactile marking – and that just means marking items like the microwave or the laundry machines so that you can both see and feel the marks and locate the buttons that you need to operate the machines a little bit easier. There are all different ways you can mark things tactilely and all different items you can mark.

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Another topic would be doing simple kitchen tasks. Another is keeping prescriptions in order. That’s very important thing. Low vision cooking is another topic, as well as looking your best. We all want to do that. Going out for a meal. Then finally, simple home modifications. So these are all free audio recordings that you can access from the low vision focus website. I’ll give you that website in just a moment.

I do also want to say that the low vision focus website has a resource link which will provide you a lot of websites from other organizations and services that people who have low vision may find helpful. There’s links on the low vision focus website to other Hadley seminars, our past seminars that people with low vision may find helpful. Seminars on different eye conditions or different recreational activities, just a wide range of things that you may find helpful. To make it a little bit easier, we’ve organized those on the low vision focus website as well. Coming in 2016, we’re going to have video clips on the site as well. Those video clips will reinforce and enhance the information that’s included in the audio recordings. So it’ll be an extension of that. They’re fully narrated. But they will give you and your family members further illustrations of ways that you can make simple adaptations.

The low vision focus website, I’ll give it to you now. It’s all one word - lowvisionfocus.org; again that’s

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lowvisionfocus.org. Another important resource that we wanted to share is the VisionAware website. And this is part of the family of websites of the American Foundation for the Blind. But VisionAware provides a lot of great information, really practical tips on doing everything from putting on makeup, to doing home repair, adaptations you can make when cleaning, doing laundry, cooking, all types of things. They also have personal stories that are listed on the site as well. And their website is all one word - visionaware.org. And that’s visionaware.org.

Now, in addition to talking with others who have limited vision to looking information up online, you may want to locate organizations and agencies within your local area or state that provide vision rehabilitation services. They even have websites - The American Foundation for the Blind has a directory, so you can look up what agencies this would be in your particular area. You can inquire about specialized training and daily living skills and travel skills that we call orientation and mobility, and adaptations for reading and writing, and assistive computer technology.

When you gather information and learn new skills, it will help build your confidence and help you remain independent. Your grandchildren will learn valuable lessons about facing life’s challenges just by witnessing all of your efforts. So we encourage you to gather that information. I’m going to turn the

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microphone over to Sharon now to tell us about the importance of talking about your vision loss.

Sharon HowertonThanks, Jennifer. I think before we can look for support groups and services, we have to actually admit that we need help ourselves. It’s just so important to do that, to admit that your vision may not be what it is, what it used to be, that you need help with things. I teach two of our early braille courses and a lot of our students are dealing with just those kinds of issues, whether they’re in their 20s or 30s, or in their 70s and 80s. And I have friends too, some older friends who are in their 80s.I could think of one guy in particular who does have grandkids. He has trouble with things like pouring coffee, making coffee, unlocking the door to his house. I’ve said, “You know, if you would say for example, put your finger next to the key and guide it into the lock, you’ll have a whole lot easier time.” I have a feeling that he doesn’t even do that because he tries to see it which he really can’t do very well anymore.

I think it’s just as important to deal with your level of vision yourself before you can you deal with your family, with organizations and all that sort of thing. Not every support group is going to be the one that you like. You may have to shop around a bit. Find the thing that’s going to work best for you.

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My own personal situation is that it’s kind of unusual. I guess in today’s times, it’s not so unusual. I have two sons and we’re just about to get into the weekend of my son, Kevin and my daughter-in-law, Denise’s wedding anniversary, their first wedding anniversary. It’s supposed to rain just like it did a year ago, the day before their wedding. I remember walking back from getting my nails done and walking back in the rain. I was like, “Oh! This is not a good thing.” But fortunately, it was okay for the wedding.

Kevin and Denise knew each other for a long time. Denise spent a lot of time at my apartment because for one thing, where I live is closer to where she worked. So she would often come over here after work. And so she saw me for years. She saw me walking around with a cane. She went places with me. She would take me shopping. She learned a lot about how to guide me. She saw me work with a cane. She saw me work with my guide dog. She saw my guide dogs, I had my retired girl here, and I have my working girl here. She saw them on the clock, off the clock. She really had firsthand experience of what it was like to be with me. This occurred over six or seven years that she and Kevin have been together.

About three years ago, I guess it was, maybe longer, I’m not sure. I can’t remember it anymore. But my older son, Brendon and he is 32, told us that he was involved with this girl. He was living at home at that time. He was living with me, with Kevin and me at

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that time. He said, “I’m going to go to dinner with her kids.” That she has kids. Yes, she has three! Oh my God! Okay.

So the first time that they invited me to go out with them, they had the littlest one who was then three. She is now five. And she really didn’t even talk to me. But I noticed right away that Brendon picked her up and carried her into the restaurant. His girlfriend then, now his fiancée, Eusenia [0:25:113], she very quickly figured out how to guide me. Now I don’t know if they talked about this or how all that kind of thing happened. But then about, I don’t know, a few months later it was Valentine’s Day and he called me, Brendon called me. He said, (they call her shorty because she is short) “Shorty and the girls want to come over to your house.” Okay. I thought what am I going to do? I’ve never met these kids before. And I don’t know if they’ve ever seen a person this blind before.

Well they came and they brought me all kinds of stuff. And I still have a plant that they brought which is flourishing by the way. It’s always a remembrance whenever I find it, whenever I remember it’s there, about these kids and their mom who have been great to me. But I think it’s just really important to let them know that you have a problem with your vision. For me it’s obvious. They know that I use a cane. I don’t know if they’ve seen my dog work very much because she’s usually off the clock when they come to my

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house. But I think it’s important to let them know if there’s something that you can or can’t see, tell them that. But the first thing is to be comfortable with it yourself. That takes a little bit more work than anything else. It’s fine to let them help you. Some years ago, when I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, a person that I was working with at that time said, “Oh in 16 years, you’ll have someone that can drive you around.” I thought, “Are you kidding me?” That’s not why I’m having kids. First of all, I didn’t plan it that way. I can guarantee you that although both of my kids drive and both of the women that they’re with drive, I can’t say that I could just call any of them and say, “Hey take me here or there.” It just doesn’t happen that way. They were never meant to be my servants. I can guarantee you when they lived at home, they were definitely not my servants.

I just think it’s important to let them know what your needs are, what kind of help you might need. The kids are – Eusenia’s girls are now 13, the middle one Lindsay is 9 today. The first one that I met, Adriana is 5 and she’s the cutest little thing. Their mom is very short and the girls are short. Adriana especially is just the littlest tiny thing. She’ll say, “Ms. Sharon, do you have some chips? Ms. Sharon, can we have some chips? Can you make us popcorn?” How can I say no to Adriana? Then they had Caleb which is my son, Brendon and Eusenia’s son. And as Jennifer mentioned, our little Haley was born yesterday. I

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haven’t seen her yet. I hope to see her soon. But he took the kids to see mom and baby last night. I figured that was important for them for their family time.

They’ve come here to eat and everything else. I’ve asked them to help me get stuff. They haven’t learned exactly about putting stuff away or putting dishes in the sink. Someone is pretty careful. Usually they are pretty good about it but occasionally somebody will forget and leave a glass on the table or a utensil or something like that. It’s not a big deal but their mom has taught them to put stuff away at home. With all the kids at home, they have to be able to help her, too. So it helped me.

A few weeks ago, they wanted to go to the park. I said, I admitted to them that I had not taken my sons to the park that much when they were young because it made me really nervous. But there’s a small park near my house. I said, “Okay, I’ll take you guys as long as you’ll check in with me. Find me a place to sit. I’ll wait for you. Just check in with and talk to me every once in a while and I’ll be happy to go with you.

I picked up my cane and about the second time that we did this they said, “What is the cane for? What is that for?” I said, “Well it helps me to know if there’s a hole on the street, a hole on the sidewalk. It lets people know that I can’t see very well. And because I want to help you and you don’t have to just be helping

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me to do things.” So we did that. We did that a couple of times.

One day I asked Gabby, the oldest one, if we could go to the store together. And I said to her, "Have you been to the store before? Have you been to this store?" She said, "No." I said, "Has your mom taken you to the store before?" "Well, yes." I said, "I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what we need. You tell me what's in the aisles and we'll find it." And she did a fabulous job. And I was just really, really proud of them; that she was able to do that.

One thing I neglected to mention, it's maybe not pertinent to this conversation but when my sons were getting involved with their respective significant others, I made the point to tell them and not a big deal but just like, "Well, my blindness has nothing to do with heredity. If you have kids, they're probably not going to be blind. My situation just happened and don't worry about it." I just figured I'm not going to make a big deal out of it but at least to let them know in case their parents say, "Oh, my gosh! What if you have a blind child? Are you sure you want to be involved with this guy?" Anyway, those are some of the things that I think are important.

I've taught the kids how to walk sighted-guide with me but they're pretty small so I usually hold their hands. That's what I did with my sons for years and years. And too, I think it's important to go to activities. Let

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them see that you're out there doing things, participating in their things. I haven't been to the kids' school. If they wanted me to go, trust me I would be there in a minute. But when my kids were young, I can tell you I went to very many boring tee-ball games and some fun games. I loved basketball because I could hear what was going on. I think those are just some things that I feel are important. But the main thing is to be able to deal with your vision, yourself, at your own level and then you can share in a better way with your grandkids, your family, and deal with it better for yourselves.

I do have a parents' chat on Wednesdays. We do this on the phone now for a variety of reasons. If you would like to participate, we have some pretty interesting visually impaired parents and we would love to have grandparents to join us. Just let me know if you would like to join us for one of our sessions. We meet at one o'clock Central Time on Wednesdays and the call is not toll free but you're very welcome to join us. I think we go back to Jennifer.

Jennifer OttowitzOkay, Sharon. Thanks. Well, technology has definitely become a part of our everyday life. Whether it's using a computer or a cell phone or a tablet; thermostats that control the heating in our homes, nowadays to control the lighting; the coffeemakers that you can program to start making your coffee in

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the morning before you even get out of bed. So technology is all around us and we really encourage you to embrace technology.

Even with limited vision, there are ways that you can still use computer technology, other types of technology, whether it's with software that will make the text larger on the screen, make the background colors, adjust them so that the print is easier to see or whether it's software that will read the text on screens to you, you can still access that information. And technology is a wonderful way to stay connected with your grandkids. You can email them. You can text them. You can follow them on Facebook. You can have them follow you on Facebook. You can even do video chats using programs like Skype and FaceTime. This is especially good if your grandchildren live far away because we all know how transportation makes things or the lack of transportation can make things difficult. So having these ways to stay connected is wonderful. You can surprise your grandkids with a new app or a game that you've gotten and invite them to play with you. Grandkids love to be teachers, especially when it comes to technology. I think anytime anything goes wrong or I need to learn how to do something, I go to my nephew because kids just pick up on this so much easier and are growing up with it now as part of their everyday lives. So your grandkids can help teach you about technology you need to use, about the technology they're using. They can benefit from

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learning about the adaptations that will be helpful to you. You can ask them what games they're playing and have them describe those to you.

As important as technology is though, we don't want to forget about the importance of that face-to-face, direct communication. Whatever way you do communicate, after just mentioning having the grandkids describe to you what they're doing, a lot of times they may point to something and say, "You take this. You move this here." So you want to try to open up the conversation.

So we encourage you to ask a lot of open-ended questions. Questions that do not require a yes or no answer but will help them really describe what they're doing. You may ask things like, "Well, tell me what you're doing in science class this week.” Or, “Tell me about what projects you're doing in Boy Scouts.” Or, “Can you explain to me how this game works?" Those types of questions will be very, very beneficial.

With any of the adaptations for accessing technology, there may be additional training needed. For that, we go back to gathering that information and seeking out resources. But with that, I'm going to turn it over to Debbie to talk about the last portion of our presentation before we open it up for questions.

Debbie Worman

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Thanks, Jennifer. Before I get in to the last section, I just want to mention that it always intrigues me when I hear grandparents talking about their grandchildren, how their voice changes. Did you hear that with Sharon? It was just precious when she was talking about her grandchildren. Her voice changed. She was animated and excited. Sometimes you can tell when we're gathered in a room if somebody's talking about their grandchildren. You can sure tell because there's a special tone to their voice.

One of the things that's important, I think, to connect with your grandchildren, I'm a reader. I always encourage a lot of reading together. So find ways to read to your grandchildren, whether Braille or through large fonts on a Kindle. Or if reading is not a possibility, or something you like to do, tell them stories. One thing that grandchildren like is when you tell them stories about your own life. I find it true, if you have a grandchild who's five or six, tell them stories about when you were that age. If you have a teenager, tell them stories about when you were a teenager and starting to date. Whether you believe it or not, grandchildren love those kinds of stories. They might be a little standoffish at first and not want to listen but they really cherish those kinds of things.

If you were telling your grandchild about your vision loss and you wanted a way to describe perhaps what you're seeing, there's a really good app from the Braille Institute called VisionSim and that resource is

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free and it will be on our resource list that's going to be posted. What it does, it will simulate what it is like to see something with cataracts or macular degeneration. If you're talking to your grandchildren about your vision loss, it's a really neat way for them to see how you may be seeing. I just wanted to add those comments while I was thinking of them.

The last section today that we're going to share is called Send ’em Home. Send ’em Home. Someone once said that you should spoil your grandchildren, load them up with sugar, and then send them home. In other words, the best thing about grandchildren is you can send them back home to their parents. But the bottom line is to know your limitations. While you do have a desire to be with your grandchildren and spend time with them, there may be times when you just don't feel like it and you might not want to babysit. So just speak up and be a good self-advocate and say, "You know, it's not a good time. Or I'm not prepared to do that now." You just might be feeling a little overwhelmed and don't be afraid to share that.

Another quote, you may have noticed I like quotes because so many fun ones about grandparenting. Another quote that I find amusing is, "An hour with your grandchildren can make you feel young again. Anything longer than that and you start to age quickly." The point is to realize, again if you're feeling overwhelmed with coping with your vision loss, don't be shy about asking for help for yourself. Be a good

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self-advocate. As more and more grandparents actually have the day to day responsibility of raising their own grandchildren, it can be especially tough. This is where you really have to find some time away from the house and away from your grandchildren. If you're one of those grandparents raising your grandchildren, take care of yourself too because the added challenge of your vision loss makes it especially important that you learn to find the time for you. When you take care of yourself, you're taking care of your grandchildren.

In summing up today's seminar, Putting the Grand Back in Grandparenting After Vision Loss, whether you’re a grandmom or nana or abuela, grandpa, gramps, or poppa, be assured that vision loss need not diminish the joy of grandparenting. You can learn to put the grand back in grandparenting. Sharon and Jennifer and I we’re happy today to talk a little bit about that.

We haven’t covered everything that we could have but it's a short time but we have enjoyed talking to you about some of the ideas that we thought of. So with that, Ed, I'd like to give the microphone over to you so that we could begin our question and answer session.

Ed HainesWell, thank you, Debbie and Jennifer and Sharon. I learned something myself. I'm a grandparent also so

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this was a really useful presentation. I'll now open the mic up for anyone who has any questions.

Sharon HowertonThis is Sharon. I just wanted to mention just something that I forgot to talk about that I really wanted to say. We have a summer outing up at Hadley every year. I offered to take the three girls up there with me. So we didn’t get this really arranged until the last minute. But I told their mom, "I'll take the girls, if you don't mind. I won't take the baby." He's only 15 months old. I didn't feel I could handle all that.

I took the girls on public transportation and we went up there. We went up to Hadley. I showed them the school, which is all really fine. We walked over to the beach with some people from the school. We were getting ready to leave and somebody said to me and I couldn’t find them. They were in the water, right? One was playing in the sands and two were in the water. So one of our co-worker said, "Well, what color are their bathing suits?" I don't have any idea.

I have to remember next time to find out what color their clothes are if I'm going to take them out in public. The other thing is don't let a five year old try to help you go through a buffet line. You won't get very much food. But I learned that too. So there are certain things that you just can't do. But I was with her so it's okay. We managed. But that was just… I'm sorry, I

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just thought that those were kind of fun things to talk about.

Jennifer OttowitzHi. This is Jennifer and I just wanted to share a couple of comments that I think one thing you can do to help when you're with your grandkids is to try to be as organized as you can. Like Sharon said try to help teach them to help put things back or that things belong in certain places.

I worked with a client once and she had just learned Braille. She was so excited because she put Braille labels on all her canned goods that when her four-year old granddaughter came over, her granddaughter decided that she was going to help grandma and take off all these weird things that were on the cans.

So that goes back to talking about how you do things around the house, and what adaptations you've made so that the kids can understand why you do things in certain ways, or how to help you keep things organized and things like that. I just wanted to share that as well.

Debbie WormanRoberta, I keep seeing your hand coming up. I wonder if you have a question for us or if you had a comment that you'd like to share. And we encourage other comments and sharing.

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RobertaWell, my problem is that my grandchildren want to know why my eyes… why I can't see. I'm afraid to say too much. I don't want to scare them that my eyes don't work because of any specific reason. I'm at a loss as to how to present it without them being frightened that they're going to get sick and not be able to see also.

Jennifer Ottowitz Roberta, thank you for mentioning that. This happened with my niece and nephew and I don't know how old your grandchildren are. So that definitely comes into play when you think about how to explain.

My niece and nephew are four and six years old. I think up until this point, I've been fooling them pretty good. They didn't catch on that I can't see. But my four year old niece keeps asking, "Why are your eyes closed?" And I just tell her my eyes are broken. I keep it simple just because of her age. When I told her my eyes are broken, she said, "Well, you can borrow mommy's glasses." So she does not quite understand that glasses will not help. But I think at that age, that it's a little too much to go into with her. As she gets older, I can help further explain and maybe even use like the app that Debbie mentioned and things like that. But it really does depend a little bit on their age. I don't know if you care to share their

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age or if Sharon, Debbie, or Ed has any other ideas too.

CallerI have a funny story about my granddaughter. My grandchildren have been taught that since they were born that I couldn't see and that my eyes just didn't work. So one day she asked me to hand her something and I said, "Baby, you know I can't see." And she said, "I wish you'd get your batteries back."

Roberta My grandchildren are… right now, they're about six and eight and ten, but I also say that my eyes don't work. But unfortunately with them, it doesn't end in that. "Well, why don't they work?" and "What's wrong with your eyes?" And the same thing, "Why are you keeping your eyes closed?" and "Your eyes are open. You can see me." They just have a hard time understanding it. Sometimes I just hope and I'm glad when my son or my daughter-in-law step in and explain it because I sort of don't want to overstep my bounds and do anything that would frighten them.

Debbie WormanThat's a great comment, Roberta. I think and that’s one thing grandmas and grandpas have to careful about is overstepping their bounds sometimes. We have to respect what the parents wish. But I really encourage you this: If your grandchildren or anybody's grandchildren are asking questions, by

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golly, give them credit. They want to know. They're concerned about you. They're curious. Kids are naturally curious. It really is best to find the words, as Jennifer said, appropriate to that age level.

So talk about it, just in a casual manner. Sharon said it best earlier. Learning to accept your own visual impairment, feel comfortable about how you talk about it. If you wanted to talk to the parents and say, "You know, I'm going to talk to the kids about this. What do you think?" Clear it with them first. But I think kids want information.

It goes back many, many, many years. I'm in my 50s and my grandmother died when I was eight. But I still remember her, asking her, "Where's your leg?" And she didn't bulk for a minute. She told me that she'd been sick and told me all kinds of things. I think you can do that too with explaining about vision, how eyes work, how different people have different eye conditions and get into details appropriate to the child's age. As long as they're asking question, I'm just of the mind, I love natural curiosity and I don't want to shut it down. That's a good way to just develop a good connection.

Jennifer OttowitzJust to add to that. It's really helpful I think to try to describe. I know for those of us who are visually impaired, it's often hard to describe exactly what it is we see. It's more than just shadows. Everybody

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thinks even if we don't see perfectly, we see shadows and it's more than that. So it may be somewhat difficult.

But we like to say from a functional standpoint, from an everyday standpoint, if you can explain that I have trouble seeing steps because I can't see the edges. I have trouble when there's a lot of bright sunshine outside. The glare bothers my eyes. I have trouble seeing things when they're close to the same color. It all blends together. Any kind of ways that you can help describe how you function with the vision that you have might be helpful too.

Ed HainesWe do have a question in text from Muriel. She's wondering about any suggestions that the presenters might have for a great grandmother with a first great grandchild. The great grandmother lost her vision about four years ago along with the use of one side, et cetera. She's quite upset about not being able to see the new baby. They are finishing Braille and will be Brailling some board books but she's curious if there's any other thoughts, any suggestions for this new great grandmother.

Sharon HowertonThis is Sharon. I think it's hard for people to get used to new vision loss. But just remember that even though you can't physically see your grandchild, touch is important and you'll be able to touch the baby and

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you don't know if that's – I'm sure that it's hard because you had seen for so many years. That may make it more difficult, but just know that you can appreciate as much of that baby as you possibly can.

I just wanted to go back to what we were just talking about a minute or two ago. I have been surprised that my son and his fiancé have talked to the kids about some things that I thought were pretty big issues. So, they may have already talked to them about that, that I can't see or whatever because they really haven't really said too much about it.

But maybe whenever you try to think you're going to make a big deal out of something and have a discussion about it, it never seems to work out. So you just do it in small increments and whenever the opportunity presents itself. It may not be quite as – if you deal with it then the kids may not be quite so inquisitive all the time.

Roberta The mind's eye is an amazing thing as I was very upset also. I lost my vision about eight years ago and I felt like I was being cheated out of not being able to read to my grandchild or everything. One thing I find is that I think I know what they look like. It may be totally wrong but in my mind, I have a good picture of what they look like. I'll give them a hug and so I'll feel their hair or their ears or something like that. That gives me an idea of what they look like.

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But I also want to share one thing and that is my little granddaughter was three. I always thought it would be fun to read to her but she didn't want to hear anybody read. I said to her, "Why don't you go get your princess books and read them to me.” Of course, she can't read. But boy, oh boy, did she have some great stories to say. She was more excited about that than me reading to her. So it worked. Whatever works and made her happy, so that worked for me.

Debbie Worman Roberta, I appreciate you sharing that story. It's just for me, I call it mindfulness grandparenting and you hit it on the nail on the head; mindfulness grandparenting. That is just be in the moment with your grandchild. Whether you recently lost your vision and you're struggling with that and you're worried about things, grab that baby and hold that baby and feel that baby and oh gosh, smell that baby. Babies smell wonderful, sometimes, for the most part. But Roberta, you took that moment and you ran with it. You were right there. I think that's so important to be spontaneous and to be there with your grandchildren more than anything, to just be there in the present moment with them and engage with them. I appreciate you sharing that.

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DebbieI would like to share a couple of things. One of the things being that I am a children's director and the children do ask lots of questions. But I find saying to them a simple phrase of “I can see in a different way but we still see the same.” The children, it sounds a little complex but when I break it down for them, they fully understand the fact that maybe I need a machine but they can use their eyes. Then one of the little boys was even quick to let me know when he had to start helping his grandfather.

Also, I'd like to share a story about my nephew who was about I guess seven or eight when I started having vision issues and he was walking me uptown, helping me. He was a Cub Scout and he says to me, "I can get a badge for helping the elderly." And I said to him, "I'm only 50." And he and I had a laugh from it. After that, he has been one of my biggest supporters. Led me where I need to do and is even now helping train. He's almost 14 now, and he's helping some of the younger cousins on what to do to help me.

Jennifer OttowitzThanks, Debbie. I think that's a really positive way to describe your vision to kids. That's excellent. Thank you for sharing.

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Debbie Worman What a nice kid. That's just great. I'd like to mention for those in the audience listening that are not grandparents, consider being a surrogate grandparent to some child in your neighborhood or in your community. There are a lot of children out there who don't live close to their grandparents; or for some reason, the family is not close to the grandparents; or the grandparent is deceased. Having grandparents in your life is very special to make that connection. I suggest reaching out to see if there are children in your community that could benefit from a surrogate grandparent. That goes for aunts and uncles too. People could benefit. Children just need those connections to the next generation. That's how they learn about things and feel special. I would encourage you to do that.

Sharon HowertonThis is Sharon. Actually, that happened to me with Gabby, the oldest girl. We were walking to the store somewhere and she said, "Can I call you grandma?" I said, "Honey, you guys can call me whatever's going to make you comfortable." She said, "Well, I haven't seen my grandma in Guatemala since I was three. I don't have a grandma anymore." I said, "Well honey, if you want to call me grandma that is perfectly good with me. I'd be honored for you to do that."

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Ed HainesHi, Claude. We're actually not hearing you. I noticed that you're trying to speak. If you'd like, you could type your question as a text as well. Well, this has been a great conversation. I've really enjoyed it. Does anyone have any final comments?

RobertaOne final thing that I also want to say is that I do bake cookies with my grandchildren all the time. I don't care how they look. And of course, they're not going to be those round, perfect cookies that we have. I just tell them to wash their hands first and who knows what those cookies are going to turn out. But we have a lot of fun doing it.

The minute that they come to my house and they're all far away so I don't see them quite that often, they want to bake those cookies with me. Their mother goes, "Ah, look at that." I go, "Well, they taste the same." Like when we as people that don't have very good vision eat, we don't often know what we're eating and we're putting combinations together that are not exactly perfect. It's just that it's a good time and it doesn't have to be perfect.

Jennifer OttowitzIt's all about making wonderful memories. Thanks, Roberta.

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Ed HainesWell, this has been a really great conversation actually. I've enjoyed it immensely. But we do have to draw things to a close, unfortunately. If you have any further questions, you can text them to us and then we can see if our presenters can answer them later.

The seminar recording and the resource list which Debbie has provided to me will be archived on the Low Vision Focus website at www.lowvisionfocus.org as well as the Hadley website, www.hadley.edu. And the recording and the resource list will be available 24/7 to you.

Each of our seminars at Hadley is now available also as a podcast. You can download and listen to this or other seminars on your computer or mobile device. And for those of you who are on Twitter, Hadley's Twitter hashtag is Seminars@Hadley.

I'd like to thank all of you for participating today. For those of you listening, we do value your feedback so please let us know what you thought of this seminar or please suggest future seminar topics. And you can do that by sending an email to [email protected] and by completing a short survey at the end of this presentation that I'm going to bring up shortly. And so it would be a great help if you folks could stick around to do that. I'm now going to just hand the microphone back to the presenters for a final farewell.

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Sharon HowertonThis is Sharon and I'm thankful that I was given the opportunity to talk about my grandkids. It's been fun. I hope it's been helpful in some way to our participants. Jennifer.

Jennifer OttowitzThanks, Sharon. I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for attending. For those of you who are grandparents, a very, very happy and heartfelt Grandparents' Day to you all. Thanks.

Debbie WormanThis is Debbie. Thank you, everyone for joining us. Thank you for those who shared questions and stories. Once again, I have to say when you talk about your grandkids; your voices just have that lilt to them. I love those stories. I love hearing those special stories. You are creating traditions. You’re creating memories for your grandchildren, with your grandchildren and that's what it's all about.

So remember, put the grand back in grandparenting. That's what the message we wanted to convey today. We hope you enjoyed this seminar. And please do offer us feedback. It was a pleasure to be able to present some of these ideas.

The resources list will have our email addresses and phone numbers and you're most welcome to always

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call and share your questions and ideas because we learn from you too. So thank you so very much.

Ed HainesWell, thank you, Debbie and Sharon and Jennifer. I really enjoyed this presentation and the subsequent conversation. It was a lot of fun. And participants, thank you very much for attending today's seminar. Thanks so much to everyone.

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2014-03-12-soft skills 2 · web viewwelcome to seminars at hadley, my name is ed haines. i’m an...

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