2014 may - nancy leonardhmexchange.com/interactive/exchange_0514_interactive.pdf · 2014. 4....
TRANSCRIPT
“Where Healthcare Marketers Connect”Vol. 23, No 4
www.HMExchange.com
PRSR STDUS Postage
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Senatobia, MS
THE EXCHANGEP.O. Box 64Verona, New Jersey 07044
2014
MAY
Special Mother’s &
Father’s Day Issue!
Brandee ByrnesMediScriptS
“Always Be Yourself...” page 8
Tyra LondonHealtHcoM Media
Experience Is the Best Teacherpage 12
Diane Powerpeerdirect
Quitting Is Not an Option and Other Nuggets page 8
Amy BirnbachUBM Medica
Caregiving Through Care.com page 12 aNd digital editioN
Paul NalbandianJackSoN-gaeta
Words to Live By page 8
Robert StovallWriter aNd MaNageMeNt coNSUltaNt
Words From The Wise Mothers In My Life page 13
Robin BartlettWolterS klUWer HealtH
Taking Care of Aging Parents and Relatives page 10
Ira FriedmanpUrdUe
Inspiration...and Some Good Old-Fashioned Guilt page 11
Ryan Joseph Abbatepacific coMMUNicatioNS
Personal Exchange page 14
Jaime CollinsSlack, iNcor porated
“Life Is Good” page 11
Included in Our Digital Edition!
Heather M. ShankmaniNtelliSpHere oNcology Specialty groUp—Strategic alliaNce partNerSHip aNd giaNtS of caNcer care
Dora P. ShankmanSHaNkMaN MarketiNg aNd Media reSoUrceS, llc
It’s a Family Affair Take a look at just some of the families who work in our great industry!page 6
For More Content: Download Our Digital
Edition!
hmexchange.com
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My awesome parents, May and Bob.
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Copyright ©2014 HEALTHCARE MARKETER’S EX CHANGE. All rights reserved. Address all cor-respondence to HEALTHCARE MARKETER’S EX CHANGE, LLC, P.O. Box 64, Verona, NJ 07044. The opinions expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the publisher, HEALTHCARE MARKETER’S EX CHANGE. Available by subscription: $36 for 12 issues. Individual copies available at $4 each. Phone: 973-744-9505. Email: [email protected].
PUBLISHER
Nancy A. LeonardP.O. Box 64
Verona, NJ 07044
973-744-9505
ASSISTANT TO THE PUBLISHER
CIRCULATION MANAGER
Denise Pecora973-744-9505
ART DIRECTOR (Ad Submissions)
James J. TicchioDirect Media Advertising
73 Glenmere Terrace
Mahwah, NJ 07430
201-327-6985
EDITOR (Editorial Submissions)
Elise Daly Parker973-919-1067
Dear Healthcare Marketer,Mother’s and Father’s Day are just around the corner, so we
decided to celebrate. As quotes, photos, stories streamed in, natu-rally my thoughts turned to my own mom May. Mom taught me so much about life through her example. She was a walk-ing saint (Saint May), the ultimate giver, and everyone’s biggest fan. She loved connecting to people and was so proud of others’ accomplishments. May was the President of everyone’s fan club; people loved being with her and she loved being with them. She always had a smile or a kind word. I am certain that if the world possessed more people like my mom, it would be a much nicer, better place. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my beloved mom. I miss her so.
And then there’s my wonderful dad. He is my rock. He has always been there for me, especially when it comes to the kids. When I decided to adopt Katie and Maddie, Dad supported me and even made the trip to China with me. He always encouraged me to make my own decisions and sup-ported me all the way when I decided to start The exchange. I could probably follow Dad’s example a little better when it comes to letting my kids find their own paths. I find it very hard to let go. Katie is a now a junior in high school, facing important decisions…and I want life to be easy for her. I need to shut my mouth more and let her find her way. So hard for me!
This was a fun issue to put together. Since healthcare marketing is a family affair for so many, in honor of Mother’s and Father’s Day, we decided to feature pix of parents and kids who are either in the same company or share in this industry. You’ll find beautiful photos of the Bennicasas, Andres, Byrnes (a.k.a., Quilty), Hopfans, Messinas, Hennesseys, Woodlands, Cunninghams, Begasses, Shankmans, Skoyles, Souzas, and McMahons.
We’ve also featured Words of Wisdom, Warnings, and Lessons passed on from one generation to the next, shared by Brandee Byrnes, Diane Power, Paul Nalbandian, Ira Friedman, Jaime Collins, Heather and Dora Shankman, and Amy Birnbach (you’ll find Shankmans and Amy Birnbach in our Digital Edition as well). Robert Stovall shares words from all the wise mothers in his life. There are also a couple of articles on the hard but loving task of caregiving from Robin Bartlett and Tyra London, plus an excellent caregiving tip from Amy Birnbach. And this month’s Personal Exchange features Ryan Joseph Abbate, who delights in his two mostly grown kids and a wife he’s been happily married to for 28 years.
As we usher in these days of celebrating Moms and Dads, we also usher in sunny warmer days after a long snowy and stormy winter. This is sure to put a smile on all of our faces!
There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots, the other, wings.
—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Happy Mother’s and Father’s Day to you and yours,
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Poll Winner: Congratulations to Ira Friedman from Purdue. He wins $50!
MARY TERESA McKIBBINIndustry friend and colleague Mary T. McKibbin passed away peacefully on March 26, 2014, in Florida. After working at vari-ous medical advertising agencies and on several medical books, including KPR, Barnum Communications, Drug Therapy Com-pendium, from McGraw Hill, The Compendium: Monthly Prescrib-ing Reference, and more, Mary founded and operated her own
pharmaceutical media company, McKibbin Enterprises. All who knew her admired her strength, resilience, and tenacity, which became especially evi-dent in her fight to advance cancer research in the last 18 months. She was tough, outspoken, compassionate, and a strong activist and pioneer for the advancement of women in the workplace as well.
Mary was one-of-a-kind and will be greatly missed. Please contact her family if further information is needed. Condolences may also be shared at www.dalewoodwardfuneralhome.com.
In Memoriam How Do You Say Summer Fun?We want to hear about your favorite Summer Hobbies and Activities
• Do you surf? • Make jewelry?• Go fishing or crabbing? • Hiking, go boating, play croquet?• BBQ or assemble delicious salads?• Do you grow flowers? Vegetables?
Where do you go to Getaway?• Day Trips• Weekends Away• Best Summer Vacation
Destinations• Picnic Picks• Favorite Amusement Parks• Visit breweries or wineries?
Just go to http://www.hmexchange.com/contests.html or get in touch with Editor Elise Daly Parker, [email protected].
M A Y 2 0 1 4 w w w . H M E x c h a n g e . c o m T H E E X C H A N G E 3
Providing Oncology Professionals The Resources They Trust
For more information visit harborsidepress.com
Send All Harborside Press
Insertion Orders [email protected]
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Send press releases to: [email protected]
AnnouncementsOnward & Upward Promotions • Additions
AbelsonTaylor has announced the appointment of Emily Tower as Vice Presi-dent, Digital Strategy and Analytics. She can be reached at 312-894-5500.
Communications Media, Inc., has announced the appointment of Jessica Krader as Assistant Media Planner and Matthew Speak as Associate Cam-paign Analyst. They can be reached at 215-568-5944. Trisha Laramee was appointed as Assistant Media Planner. She can be reached at 484-322-0880.
Curry Rockefeller Group has announced the appointment of Scott Lar-son as Executive Vice President, Chief Strategic Officer, lead creator of innovative communications platforms. David Shoup has been appointed Senior Vice President of Business Development and Manager of Opera-tions – Research Triangle Park, NC. Gerard D’Angelo, Ph.D., has been appointed as Scientific Director to provide strategic publication planning. Cory Hussar, Ph.D., has been appointed Senior Medical Writer. Jaisha Jethwani has also been appointed as Medical Editor. They can be reached at 914-631-0019.
DMW Direct has announced the appointment of Janice Gow as Media Buyer, Victoria (Tori) Swain as Account Executive, Laura Walsh as Senior Account Executive, and Steve Motter as Copywriter. They can be reached at 610-407-0407.
Frontline Medical Communications has announced the appointment of Josh Prizer as Associate Publisher for the Clinical Primary Care Division representing The Journal of Family Practice® (JFP), Clinician Reviews®, and Current Pain Perspectives®. He can be reached at [email protected]. Frontline also announces the promotion of Joshua Norton to Associ-ate Director, eBusiness Development, for the Clinical Division. He can be reached at [email protected].
IIR (Institute for International Research) USA has announced the appoint-ment of Sharon Ames as Business Portfolio Manager for the Pharmaceuti-cals Division. Sharon’s responsibilities include sponsorship development for the ePharma Summit (East and West) and Partnerships in Clinical Trials. She can be reached at 646-895-7475 or [email protected].
Physicians Office Resource (POR) has announced the promotion of John Pasquale to President. He can be reached at 484-889-9558.
TGaS® Advisors has announced the appointment of Kate Earle, Ph.D., to lead the TGaS® Advisors Training and Learning Development team. She can be reached at 610-233-1210.
The HealthCom Group has announced the appointment of William J. Mul-derry as Executive Vice President. He can be reached at 215-489-7000.
New & Noteworthy Awards • Mergers
Biogen Idec, Inc., has received FDA approval for Alprolix, Coagulation Factor IX (Recombinant), Fc Fusion Protein, for use in adults and children who have Hemophilia B. Alprolix is the first Hemophilia B treatment designed to require less frequent injections when used to prevent or reduce the frequency of bleeding.
Celgene Corporation has received FDA approval for Otezia (apremilast) to treat adults with active psoriatic arthritis (PsA). PsA is a form of arthritis that affects some people with psoriasis.
Communications Media, Inc. (CMI), thought leaders were named to the Philadelphia Interactive Marketing Association (PhlMA) board. PhlMA holds a place in the Philadelphia media and advertising community as a central organization bringing together the best minds, innovation, critical thinking, and creativity for the betterment of the industry and the profes-sionals who make up the organization. PhlMA officially welcomed Kate Zwizanski, Media Director, to the Board of Directors, and Dani Barsky, Senior Media Planner, as Liaison to the board.
Harborside Press, LLC, has announced a new centralized insertion order email address, [email protected]. All print and digital insertion orders for campaigns in The ASCO Post, JNCCN, and JADPRO should now be sent to this email address. Harborside hopes this will help streamline the process of running your advertisement in their journals.
Slack, Incorporated, has launched the first multidisciplinary publication exclusively focused on Hepatitis C. Published six times a year, HCV Next will reach more than 10,000 physicians who actively diagnose and treat Hepatitis C. For more information, contact Lee Gaymon, Senior Director, Audience Development and Marketing, at [email protected] or 856-848-1000, ext. 356.
UBM Medica US announces that Consultantlive.com, a leading online com-munity for primary care clinicians, offers cutting edge reporting from the Conference on Retroviruses and Opportunistic Infections. For more infor-mation, visit www.UBMMedicaUS.com.
Wolters Kluwer Health announces the availability of a Lippincott Advisor App for institutional customers who use Lippincott Advisor, one of the leading online clinical decision support software solutions used at the point-of-care. The new mobile application allows hospitals and other healthcare institutions to give their nurses, clinicians, and staff full access to Lippincott Advisor from any mobile device including both Android and Apple Smart-phones and tablets. For further information, visit LippincottSolutions.com/Advisor or call 855-695-5070.
INDUSTRYO P P O R T U N I T I E S
DIRECTOR OF MARKETING AND COMMUNICATIONS: Well-
respected medical/scientific communications company seeking high
energy, top notch marketing professional with deep knowledge of
medical education, science publishing, and digital solutions for its
expanding roster of US and European clients. Call Chuck Rockefeller
or Mike Curry at Curry Rockefeller Group, 914-631-0019. At CRG,
knowledge thrives.
WEST COAST CLIENT SERVICES ACCOUNT EXECUTIVE: Curry
Rockefeller Group is expanding operations on the West Coast seek-
ing self-starter with 6+ years of excellent account service at medical
communications company/ad agency for multiple Pharma/Biotech
clients. Call Chuck Rockefeller or Mike Curry at 914-631-0019. At
CRG, knowledge thrives.
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Gina and dad Frank enjoying the sunset in Aruba.Gina Bennicasa – Frontline Medical CommunicationsFrank Bennicasa – Formerly Pharmacist Today and U.S. Pharmacist
Shannon Byrne and mom Patty Quilty share a moment
at the holidays...as well as careers in healthcare
marketing.Shannon Byrne – SSCG Media
GroupPatty Quilty – American
Medical Association
Media…our family’s prescription.Rob Hopfan – MediScriptsLauren Hopfan – SSCG Media Group
Happy 89th birthday to Charlie Messina celebrating with son Peter.
Peter G. MessinaCharles Messina – Formerly Medico InterAmericano
Sharing the family and business bond, the Woodland Family celebrates the holidays with the employees of CMI and Compas.Left to Right: Michael Woodland, Nicole Woodland–De Van, Stan Woodland, James Woodland
Daughter Heather and mom Dora Shankman share holiday happiness…and enthusiasm for healthcare marketing.
Heather Shankman – Intellisphere Oncology Specialty Group –Strategic Alliance Partnership and Giants of Cancer Care
Dora Shankman – Shankman Marketing and Media Resources, LLC
Dad Ron Souza and daughter Nancy visit the “old country” on a heritage trip to Agua de Pau - home of Ron’s grandfather, on San Miguel Island in the Portuguese Azores.Ron Souza – Formerly President of RWR, Inc., and now retiredNancy Souza – American Medical Association The McMahon Family – Partners in life and business too!
Left to Right: Van Velle, Michele McMahon Velle, Lauren McMahon Smith, Rosanne McMahon, Raymond McMahon, Matthew McMahon, and Michael McMahon
The McMahon Group and McMahon Publishing
Father Ken Begasse, Sr., left a legacy of love for his family
and the healthcare industry. Here with son Ken and
daughter Kerri Lynn before his passing in December 2010.
Kerri Lynn Begasse – H&S, Agency Rx, Concentric,
Flashpoint, and now Freelance, Account Services
Ken Begasse, Jr. – Concentric
Jason and mom Mary Skoyles take a break from healthcare publishing and media to enjoy Christmas Eve 2012 in New York City.Jason J. Skoyles – Haymarket Media Group Mary A. Skoyles – Medical Media Services, Inc.
Chick (Charles) with son Jim share smiles and partnership in their family business Cunningham Associates. Chick passed away in 2011.Chick and Jim Cunningham – Cunningham Associates
Joanne Andre with son Danny on his wedding day.
Joanne Andre and Danny Andre – PDQ Communications, Inc.
The Henneseys work and play together! Daughter Ashley on her wedding day with dad Mike Hennessy, Sr.Chris Hennessy – Specialty Pharmacy Times • Mike Hennessy, Sr. – Chairman/C.E.O., MJH & AssociatesMike Hennessy, Jr. – Intellisphere, LLC, Oncology Division • Ashley Talamo (Hennessy) – Pharmacy Times
Take a look at just some of the families who work in our great industry!
It’s a Family AffairIt’s a Family Affair
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“Always Be Yourself...”by brandee byrnes
Words of WisdomMy dad passed down a few words of wisdom. One is, “Always be yourself and remember to speak up; people are not mind readers.” And “You can’t win it, if you ain’t in it.”
Things You Vowed You Would Never SayI can see myself saying, “Because I said so” even when I don’t have a logical reason for saying it. I used to hate it when my dad said this when I was younger, but now I’m saying it and I don’t even have kids yet!
Best Lesson LearnedI learned from my par-ents to be independent and not rely on others to help me achieve my goals throughout life. Because of this lesson, I can rely on myself to get things done when I need to (unlike some of my friends who constantly say, “I have to call my mom first or I have to ask my dad what he thinks”). I still look to my dad for advice on certain things like mechanical or car issues, for example, but otherwise, I can pretty much manage on my own.
Favorite QuoteOne of the quotes I often hear and appreciate from my dad is, “You have a good head on your shoulders.”
Brandee Byrnes is Marketing Manager, MediScripts, 500 Route 17 South, Hasbrouck Heights, NJ 07604. She can be reached at 201-727-1555, ext. 1747, or [email protected].
Mom and Dad Always Said...Turns out, a lot of times, Mom and Dad were right! We may not have always welcomed their wisdom...or warnings, but being adults, many of us now with children of our own, gives us a whole new perspective. Below we celebrate parents and some of our memories of best advice, wisest words, lessons learned, and more.
Daddy’s little girl.
Words to Live Byby Paul nalbandian
“Never lose confidence in yourself.”Whether it was a college I didn’t get accepted to, a test I did not score well on, or a job interview
that did not go well, those words of wisdom always built me back up so I could achieve and reach my potential.
I use those same words when encouraging my kids to stay strong and be all they can be.
Paul Nalbandian is Vice President, Business Development, Jackson-Gaeta, 33 Smull Avenue, Caldwell, NJ 07006. He can be reached at [email protected] or [email protected].
Quitting Is Not an Option and Other Nuggets
by diane Power
Things You Swore You Would Never SayPlease clean up your room.
Best Lesson LearnedYou’re not allowed to “quit.” Once you commit, you need to see it through to the end. If you sign up for the Swim Team or Soft-ball, you will need to play/swim the entire season. Quitting short of the full season was NEVER an option. Be a person of your word. You signed up, the coaches are counting on everyone for the full season. Plus, you never know, you may have taken up a spot or position from someone else who really wanted it. To quit and walk away is unfair to your teammates, your coach, and the other folks who didn’t make the cut.I hear my father’s voice in my head constantly when I think about throwing in the towel midway. His words have served me so well (they propelled me forward to finish the New York City Marathon), both as a child and now as a parent. I’ve tried hard to teach this lesson to our daughter.
Most Important Value“As long as they are happy and healthy.” My parents would try not to judge or interfere. It has always been of the utmost importance that their children are happy and healthy. Success will follow.
Diane Power is President, PeerDirect, 1140 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY 10036. She can be reached at 908-232-2725 (office), 908-419-9656 (cell), and [email protected].
As long as they’re happy!
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11.5”11.25”10.5”9.875”
8.75”8.5”
7.75”6.875”
REGAN CAMPBELL WARD A SIZE TEMPBleed: 8.75” x 11.5” Lg Trim: 8.5” x 11.25” Sm Trim: 7.75” x 10.5” Live Area: 6.875” x 9.875”
They stilljust can’tput itdown
In print, online, and on the go. No matter how it’s served, American Family Physician is still the best-read journal in primary care—with the most average issue readers, high readers, high readers (% of readers), and average page exposures.1
To learn about promotional opportunities, contact theAFP/FPM Advertising SalesTeam at (201) 288-4440 [email protected], or visitwww.aafp.org/journals/adinfo. Reference: 1. Primary Care. Medical/Surgical Study [slide presentation]. New York, NY: Kantar Media; December 2012.
Indispensable as Written
®
huffingtonpost.com/noah-michelson/5-things-i-learned-from-helping-my-dad-die_b_4936843.html). It’s a wonderful article and I encourage you to read it.
My dad’s death was a tragedy. I wouldn’t wish the four weeks I spent helping him die on anyone, but I also wouldn’t give them up. They’re mine. And I learned so much about who I am, who my father was, and what it means to love, what it means to lose something you foolishly thought you wouldn’t lose and, ultimately, what it means to then have to carry on – what it means to get up every day and keep going.
LESSONS OF LOVE AND CARE NOT TO BE MISSED
The process of taking care of aging parents and ulti-mately their loss affords you the opportunity to come clos-er to your parents. Take advantage of it if you can. In the last two years of my mother’s life she taught me a number of lessons about loving and caring. Taking care of my mother allowed me to grow closer to her and get to know her all over again. It was a wonderful experience getting to know her as a person in addition to as my mother. Like Noah Michelson, I cherish those memories. I look at her photograph above my desk each day and remember what a wonderful, vibrant woman she was. In her final years I witnessed her dependent side and I learned that it’s okay to ask for help. Above all, I learned that unconditional love makes all transitions easier.
Robin Bartlett is Enterprise Account Manager, Wolters Kluwer Health, 63 Burlington Street, Norwood, NJ 07648. He can be reached at 201-660-7396 or [email protected].
transition to the need for greater degrees of care. There are lots of people who earn a living by giving you advice on what to do, where to go, and how to provide the assistance to your aging parent. My experience, however, is that intel-ligent, caring people can do the research and make good decisions on their own.
It’s really important to consult the aging parent to find out what they want rather than impose your will on them. And it’s also important to start as early as possible to make decisions such as downsizing, locating important documents, wills, and burial desires well before the parent becomes incapacitated. But what is most important is to begin a conversation with your relative before major health issues arise. It’s always wise to have some understanding about how one feels about assisted living, hospice, and life and death issues. The human condition is fragile and health needs can change very quickly due to disease, accident, heart attack, or stroke. Ask your relative what they want rather than imposing your will on them and allow them to make their own decisions to the maximum extent possible. Allow those you’re caring for the dignity of living as qualita-tive a life as they can for as long as they can.
MAKING THE MOST OF FINAL DAYS
I recently witnessed the death of my brother-in-law from cancer. I was astounded at the way he spent the last year of his life despite weakness and pain, living life to the fullest. This is a lesson to us all and clearly the way we should be living our daily lives!
Here is the last paragraph from an article I just read in the Huffington Post, entitled 5 Things I Learned From Help-ing My Dad Die, by Noah Michelson on 3/10/14 (http://www.
Taking care of aging ParenTs is someThing i know a greaT deal abouT. iT’s hard work, full of anguish and very challenging decisions.
My mother-in-law died at the age of 87 from Alzheim-er’s. She spent her final days in a care center because she could no longer take care of herself and we could not give her the care, assistance, and attention she needed. Her physical and mental breakdown progressed to the point where we were no longer capable of carrying out or giving her the physical care she required. This coupled with the steps to obtain care was daunting. It was one of the most challenging decisions my wife and I have ever had to make. Support agencies required the assimilation of three years worth of financial data, inter-views with uncaring state bureaucrats, and filling out numerous forms. After that, the exploration of acceptable nursing homes was heartbreaking and frightening.
THE HARD TASK OF FINDING CARE
We visited a variety of institu-tions both private and public to try to find a place that would accept my mother-in-law as a Medicare patient. We placed her name on two- and three-year waiting lists. Other institu-tions simply said, “We are not accept-ing any new Medicare patients.” (They are only required to have 20% Medicare patients.) Some facilities were finan-cially out of reach and others were horrific. We were very fortunate to find a wonderful small, state-run facility that took her in within a reasonable period of time.
THE HARDER TASK OF LETTING GO
The hardest day of my wife’s life was the day we brought her mother to her new residence. What was even harder was to visit her and have her not be able to recognize her daughter or her grandchildren. Life as both she and our family knew it was over forever as this loving, kind, good woman slipped away from us and left us with broken hearts.
A TIME WHEN ROLES ARE REVERSED
My mother died at the age of 96. She was a fighter to the very end and I’m sure her strong will and fortitude (not to mention adamant opinions and convictions) surely helped her overcome the morning aches, arthritis, macular degeneration, failing heart and hearing that came with growing older.
While recuperating from her first heart attack, I had a bedside chat with Mom. She told me that no one in the nursing home would manicure her nails. She asked me to help her, and for a moment I was at a loss about what to do. I had never manicured anyone’s nails before! As I held her hand, it struck me that at some point in time many years before, this same situation had occurred in reverse. Then I
had been the child in need and she was the one caring for me. I suddenly realized that my mother and I had come full circle and now I was the one taking care of her as though she was “my child.” To the end, my mother was a tiger, no matter how poorly she felt. She was always an inspiration to others and especially to me.
My last remaining family member, my Aunt Cal, passed away last year. She was 107 years old and I cer-tainly hope I have inherited her genes! She was born on California Admission Day, 1906, and her father being so
proud of that fact, named her California! I visited her as often as I could. She had been a school teacher and her mind was always very sharp, even to the end. She was a voracious reader and we always had great book chats whenever I came for a visit, bringing her a copy
of the latest best-seller. She kept a journal of all the books she had read because, after a while, she found that she was reading the same book twice!
But my Aunt Cal had her share of seri-ous physical problems too. I had a
long talk with her internist, a ger-ontologist, after she took a fall and sprained her knee. He told me that his greatest concern for the elderly
was getting them back up on their feet after a fall, sprain, or broken bone. If they couldn’t get through the rehab and regain their mobility, then
the rest of their body and mind would often start shutting down as well.
REALITIES AND PRACTICALITIES
I’ve certainly had my share of experiences in taking care of aging parents, with and without financial preparedness: falls, broken bones, dementia, heart attacks, operations, arthritis, macular degeneration, and loss of hearing…just to mention a few. I wish there was a simple formula for doing it, but every situation is different. I can tell you that one has to have a tremendous amount of patience. (This is NOT an outstanding characteristic of my type A personality by the way!) And, sometimes you have to make gut-wrenching decisions that you hope and pray are in the best interest of the parent.
One of the hardest parts of taking care of aging parents is the realization that YOU are getting older and that one of these days, someone is going to be caring for you. This is pretty scary stuff. At the same time, knowledge is power. It may help you help your parent approach their “golden years” with more grace by getting them into the best physi-cal health you can and understanding that, like birth, death is inevitable.
DECISIONS AND DIGNITY
There is a lot one can do to help manage the health and physical condition of aging parents as they approach the
by robin barTleTT
T A K I N G C A R E O F
Aging Parents and Relatives
GIVING CARE GIVING CARE
California Rueger on the left and Marjorie Johns-Bartlett on the right. Mom and Dad Always Said... Continued from page 8
Inspiration...and Some Good Old-Fashioned Guilt
by ira friedman
Words of WisdomWhenever, as I was growing up, we encountered adversity, my father would say in his rich accent, “Vee mahst cahntinue” (i.e., “We must continue”). I know he brought this back with him from the war in Europe. We all still say it, mimicking his accent.
Things You Vowed You Wouldn’t Say…But Do“Do you know how much this cost when I was a kid?”
Best Lesson LearnedHaving class has nothing to do with money.
Quote Often RepeatedW h e n , a s t e e n a g e r s , w e
accused my mother of trying to make us feel guilty, she would reply, also in a Yiddish accent, “What’s wrong with a little guilt?”
Ira Friedman is Director, Creative Services – Art, Purdue, One Stamford Forum, Stamford CT 06897. He can be reached at 203-588-7354 and [email protected].
Friedman family at Lander’s Resort, Catskills, 1954.Ira Friedman, center.
“Life Is Good”by Jaime collins
Whenever my dad is very happy and in his perfect element he always says, “Life is good!” I often
hear this when we are fishing down the shore, and especially when-
ever we are on vacation at his favorite place, Jamaica. Whether we are lounging on the
beach, snorkeling, or hanging out at the pool bar, you will hear Dad s a y a b o u t 1 0 0 times a day, “Life
i s good ! ” Even though it can be repetitive, we can never disagree that life is, in fact, good!
Jaime Collins is Digital Campaign Coordinator, SLACK, Incor porated, 6900 Grove Road, Thorofare, NJ 08086. She can be reached at 856-848-1000, ext. 548, or [email protected].
Fishing in Fortescue, NJ.
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As part of a family caregiving team for many years for my beloved mother, Helen Hicks, I experienced every emotion ranging from much happiness to sorrow, hope to frustra-
tion, weariness and wariness, as well as anger and confusion. Caregiving can be both challenging and rewarding.
TRY FOR BALANCE
Perhaps one of the most difficult aspects of caregiving is balance and knowing how much is enough! Balance for caregivers usually isn’t achieved every day – or perhaps even every week. And that’s okay – we caregivers can only do what we think is best for our loved one – and ourselves.
Caregiving is one of the most unselfish acts in life and if we do it with an open heart we can reap as many rewards as our loved ones. I always tried to include our mother in as much as we could – whether it was a phone call, a trip to the market, or an in-person conversa-tion at home. Sometimes just a two-minute call letting our loved one know we are think-ing about them helps. There isn’t a “one size fits all” approach to caregiving, but I found solace knowing the time I could and did spend with my mom gave her moments when she didn’t feel alone. TIP: Despite our best efforts, life can get in the way of being with our loved one as much as we’d like. Try not to feel guilty – even if your loved one is having a difficult day. It’s easy to feel that “it’s never enough.” Showing love, providing necessities, and perhaps a few luxuries (like our time) – helps more than we know. Kindness to our loved one and to ourselves is key!
DIVVYING UP THE CAREGIVING WITH OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS
This can be sticky. My younger sister Joni Post and her family were integral in the day-to-day care of our mom. Since we lived far apart, it was sometimes difficult to coor-dinate all the aspects of Mom’s needs. We learned through the years (and sometimes the hard way) as a caregiving team, we had to be united in planning and providing care
for our mother. We needed to talk to each other a lot – about the good and the bad – express our concerns, and listen to other team members’ concerns. We reached bet-ter decisions and resolutions when everyone’s insight was taken into consideration. Tip: Don’t take others’ comments personally. Remember, caregiv-ing is difficult for the whole team – not just you!
TAKING CARE OF THE CAREGIVER
In our busy lives it is difficult to find “me” time – and being a caregiver can make it even more difficult. When I felt overwhelmed I’d find my “alone” time. Even if it was for just
10 minutes – sitting on the porch, taking a walk, or just doing something that I liked to do helped re-energize me. Tip: It takes a lot to be a caregiver and if we don’t keep ourselves centered and give ourselves a break, we won’t have anything to give any-body else. It may sound impossible, but it is kind of like going to the gym. Find the time and you will reap the rewards – and so will your loved one!
We can only do what we can, as we are all limited by access, resources, and the realities of our circumstances. The situation isn’t our “fault” or the fault of the person(s)
to whom we are providing care. More than anything our job as caregiver is to show much love. We just have to do our best, knowing we’ve made the lives of our loved ones a little better…and don’t forget to be kind to our-selves along the way.
Tyra London is Publisher at HealthCom Media, publishers of American Nurse Today, Women’s Healthcare: A Clinical Journal for NPs, Wound Care Advisor and Menopause Manage-ment. 259 Veterans Lane, Suite 103, Doylestown, PA 18901. She can be reached at 215-489-7000, ext. 117, or [email protected].
GIVING CAREExperience Is the Best Teacher
TIPS FOR CAREGIVERSby Tyra london
My beloved mom and me enjoying tea time at the Brown Palace Hotel in Denver, CO.
Caregiving Through Care.comby amy birnbach
Recently I used a website called Care.com and was very successful in securing some part-time help for my mom. This website matches up your criteria with caregivers who have registered through the site. In addition you can do background checks and find out about motor vehicle records.
The beauty of Care.com is you don’t have to sign a contract or enter into any long-term obligations. The arrangements you make are private and the help you enlist is on an as-needed basis. Care.com is a Match.com for caregivers!
Amy Birnbach is Group Publisher, Oncology, UBM Medica, 535 Connecticut Avenue, Suite 300, Norwalk, CT 06854. She can be reached at 203-523-7031 (office), 646-708-6407 (cell), and [email protected].
In celebration of Mother’s Day, I want to give special recog-nition to three very special mothers in my life. There’s my own wise mother, plus my wife and mother-in-law, all of
whom have taught me a great deal by sharing their wisdom over the years. Below are some selected “Words From The Wise” and what they have taught me.
WISDOM FROM MY WIFE
1. Buy only what you need and save 100%. This may be the one lesson that has had the most impact
in my life. Early in our marriage, I wanted to buy a shirt. My wife asked me, “Don’t you already have a shirt?” I replied, “Yes but this shirt is 50% off.” She wisely said, “If you don’t need it and don’t buy it, you’ll save 100%.” My wife’s simple, wise counsel made it possible for us to be debt-free.
2. The less said, the better. Always tell
the t ru th , but don’t go into unnec-essary detail. C o m m u -nicate the m e s s a g e s i m p l y o r just answer t h e q u e s -tion. Other v a r i a t i o n s o n t h i s theme, “It is wiser to be s i l ent and t h o u g h t a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.” And “Don’t explain; your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it.” Countless times I’ve thought, “I’m so glad I did not say anything more.”
3. The truth is easier to remember than a lie. So true! Have you ever had a hard time remembering the
truth? No, because you never have to stop and think, “Now what did I say or do?” The truth will set you free because it is so easy to remember.
4. Actions speak louder than words. Talk is cheap, unless backed up by actions reinforcing those
words. My wife responds to actions and appreciates when she sees visible progress, whether in the house, in the yard, or anywhere.
WISDOM FROM MY MOTHER
1. Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are. Do you have a lot of friends or do you have one or two
really close ones? What are they like? Do you admire them? My daughter, Mary Catherine, has told me she tries to be the friend she wants to have.
2. Your ears hear w h a t y o u r mouth says.
Although this might sound l i k e s o m e -t h i n g Yo g i Ber ra would say, it’s true. If you say and h e a r s o m e -thing enough t i m e s , y o u will believe it and you will b e c o m e i t . So be careful what you say.
3. The lazy man’s way is the hardest way. How many times have you tried to take a short cut only
to find that it took you twice as long (and was twice as dif-ficult) than if you had just done the task the way you were supposed to? This rule proves true for me again and again, in whatever I do. Each time I try to take a short cut, I pay dearly in time, frustration, and extra work.
4. It takes two to tangle. Obviously similar to the term “It takes two to Tango,” this
twist makes even more sense. It demonstrates how tangled up we can get in each other, like rope, if we allow it. After getting tangled up, it takes work to untangle.
WISE WORDS FROM MY MOTHER-IN-LAW
1. Just do it. Basically it means stop talking and make it happen.
2. The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. This lesson has been proven many times over the years –
Stick with what you know and are familiar with, rather than venture into the unknown. It’s safer when you know who you’re dealing with.
3. Common sense isn’t very common. I laugh whenever I hear this, because it is so true. For
example, wouldn’t common sense tell you that it’s smart to wear a seatbelt when driving? Absolutely, but it is still amazing to see how many people don’t do this.
4. Accept me for who I am; then will we discover each other. Life is all about this one. If there were more acceptance
and understanding in our world, it would be a much more pleasant place to live. Don’t you agree?
I’ve shared this wisdom with you in hopes that you’ll learn something helpful. And in celebration of Mothers…They are very wise!
Robert Stovall is a Writer and Management Consultant. He can be reached at 908-358-4172 or [email protected].
by roberT sTovall
W O R D S F R O M T H E
Wise Mothers In My Life
Daughters Mary Catherine and Jacqueline in 2002 with my Wise Mother and their “Far Mor” (Danish for “Father’s Mother”).
The five women in my life: Grandma (my mother-in-law), Kathleen, Ginger, Mary Catherine, and Jacqueline in 2006.
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P E R S O N A L E X C H A N G E
Who is your mentor and how did he/she impact you?My mother is the cornerstone of everything I am. She instilled in me early on the importance of discipline, integrity, and grace. She set an example of subtle elegance while never allowing for self-importance. She taught me not to judge and to treat all people with equal reverence…And, of course, always to have a sense of humor.
If you could have lunch with any person, living or dead (other than a relative), who would it be?
Engineer and entrepreneur Elon Musk: I am fascinated by the choices he’s made and the successes he’s had. He is the epitome of the modern renaissance.
What is the biggest obstacle you have overcome?Knowing what I didn’t know. I remember thinking early in my career that I knew everything. It didn’t take long to realize that all of us, in fact, know very little.
If you could work doing anything in the world, regard-less of the income, what would you do?
Meteorologist: I was in a tornado as a child and have been obsessed with weather ever since. Growing up in Southern California any kind of weather is a novelty. Peo-ple in most parts of the country take changes in weather for granted. Where I grew up, a rainy day was an event.A Writer: I believe that (good) writing is the most signifi-cant human achievement.
What are two things on your bucket list?I would like to drive around the world – I’m still working on my route. And I’d like to do more backcountry skiing – I’m rarely on piste (designated trails), but someday want to get way off.
What is your favorite restaurant?Mister Parker’s, Palm Springs, California. It’s the perfect mix of Frank Sinatra and Mick Jagger and the food is great too.
What is your favorite vacation spot?The problem with any place I’ve ever been is it’s not Italy. To me Italy is the most civilized place in the world; style, food, beauty, and just the right tempo of life. I try to get there once a year.
What do you think is the most important issue facing us today?
Separation of church and state.
What do you know for sure?That it’s all going to end.
What three adjectives best describe you?Black and WhiteDisciplinedDistracted
What’s the last good book you’ve read?Then We Came to the End, by Joshua Ferris.
Favorite movie?The Sopranos: Season 1 – 8.
What age would you like to be right now?Mentally, 52, because I am; physically, 35, because I’m not.
Personal hero/heroine?Thomas Jefferson: It’s one thing to be an intellectual in an age of real-time knowledge, but to have been that enlight-ened in the 16th and 17th centuries?
What are your hobbies?Skiing, fitness, walking/hiking, and reading.
Goals?To have no more goals.
If you could be anyone, who would you be?Hugh Hefner…?
What one little thing always makes you happy?Driving anywhere with my kids. There is something about the captured nature of a car. It forces dialogue. My kids are now both adults and I still look in the rearview mirror and wonder where they came from?
Craziest thing you’ve ever done?Streaked cheerleader tryouts at my high school in front of 2000 people (1978).
What is your pet peeve?Waiting. Making someone wait without explanation is the height of self-absorption.
If you could see anyone in concert, who would it be?The Doors.
What is your favorite quote and why?“Blame no one. Expect nothing. Do something.” It some-times seems like everybody is looking to get propped-up…get over it.
What is one thing you can’t live without?Wi-Fi.
What do you collect?Watches. In the marketing services business, time is our currency. I am time phobic. I live my life in 10-minute increments. Ask any of my people about the oversized clock in my office. I love the look and technology of a good watch, but rarely wear them anymore due to the reliance on the hand-held. My son will have a great col-lection when I’m gone.
Ryan Joseph Abbate is President, Pacific Communications, 575 Anton Boulevard, Suite 900, Costa Mesa, CA 92626. He can be reached at 714-427-1910 (office), 714-335-8635 (cell), and [email protected].
Ryan Joseph Abbate
Birthplace: Orange, CaliforniaMarital Status: 28 years (one wife)Children: Warren, 19, and Piper, 22Occupation: President, Pacific Communications, The West Coast’s largest healthcare communications agency.Years in Industry: 29College: The University of Southern California
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Mom and Dad Always Said...
Quotes Often RepeatedDora: My parents often said, “One day, you will miss me. One day I won’t be here. I have lived longer than you and know what I am talking about.” In many cases, they did know what they were talking about. We are just too stubborn sometimes to admit it. My parents have passed on now and I miss them so much. I wish we had spent more time together.
Heather: I always heard from both my mom and dad, “Stop trying to grow up so fast. One day you’ll wish you could go back to being a kid again.” They constantly told me to enjoy my childhood and teenage years before I became an adult and lived in the “real world.” Believe me, I wish I took their advice back then, because I’d rather play at recess and have nap time in the middle of the day than be a “grown up” with bills to pay, taxes, and tons of responsibility!
Dora P. Shankman is President and CEO of Shankman Market-ing and Media Resources, LLC, 164 Patriot Hill Road, Basking Ridge, NJ 07920. She can be reached at 908-470-0413 or [email protected]. Heather M. Shankman is a National Accounts Manager, Intellisphere Oncology Specialty Group – Strategic Alli-ance Partnership and Giants of Cancer Care, 666 Plainsboro Road, Suite 300, Plainsboro, NJ 08536. She can be reached at 609-716-7777, ext. 150 (office), or [email protected].
Words of WisdomDora : My mom and dad a lways sa id i f you don’t have your health, you don’t have anything. NO money in the world or mater ia l things can make you happy; if you don’t feel well, noth-ing else matters. I can attest to this firsthand. Although I have to say i t took me almost 34 years to realize how true this is.
Heather: My parents always reinforced the belief that if you put your mind to some-thing and work hard, any-thing is possible. They always taught me to dream big and shoot for the stars which
gave me the confidence to believe in myself since they always believed in me.
Things You Vowed You Wouldn’t SayDora: “When I was your age…” Or “Please shut the lights when you leave the room,” “Turn off the TV, the money tree is dead…”
Heather: I can attest to the fact that my mom certainly says, “When I was your age…” and my dad often said, “Back in the day, we had to walk a few miles in the snow, just to get home from a long day at school.”
Best Lessons LearnedDora: Don’t put off doing things, taking trips, or doing what you want, since time waits for nobody. We always think we can see our loved ones another time, or postpone get-togeth-ers, since we are so busy, but that day may never come. So if you want to do something or see someone, do it. You may not get another chance.
Heather: It is hard to pinpoint just one best lesson that I learned from my parents considering that I continue to learn from them every single day. If I had to choose, I would say they taught me more through their actions than words that you should never give up. It may feel as if the world is stacked against you right now, but if you keep pushing ahead, it will certainly be worth it in the end. My parents have been through so much and they have continued to per-severe through every obstacle and challenge that life throws their way. Together as a family, we stick together and always believe in each other, even if we sometimes forget to believe in ourselves.
Mom and Daughter Shareby heaTher and dora shankman
Posing for pictures at Heather’s 21st Birthday Party.
Famous Quotes from My Parents
by amy birnbach
Words of WisdomHat on your head and socks on your feet and you’ll never be cold.
Things You Vowed You Would Never SayIf you don’t behave we are going to send you to Reform School.
Best Lesson LearnedBe honest and always tell the truth.
Often QuotedCheap is expensive.
Amy Birnbach is Group Publisher, Oncology, UBM Medica, 535 Connecticut Avenue, Suite 300, Norwalk, CT 06854. She can be reached at 203-523-7031 (office), 646-708-6407 (cell), and [email protected].
My parents.
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