30 days to a better husband

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by Redbook, on Fri Jul 1, 2011 10:13am PDT

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Man holding flowers towards someone.

By Aaron Traister, REDBOOK.

This month, Aaron Traister pledged to transform

himself into the man his wife deserves: thoughtful,

physically fit, and sexually patient. She got two out

of three — not bad!

During a recent argument, my wife, Karel, told me I

needed to "grow up," so I thought I'd give it a shot.

I'd spend four weeks making myself over, and I

wouldn't tell Karel, just to see if she was paying

attention. Among other things, I changed up my

clothes and returned to my teenage wrestling

workouts — because nothing says maturity like

playing dress-up and trying desperately to relive high

school. Here's the whole rundown.

Related: 10 Things Never to Say to the Man You

Love

I bought her flowers.

When Karel and I st arted dating, I was a bouncer at

a bar in New York City. After every shift, I'd grab

daisies (her favorite) from a 24-hour bodega near the

bar so Karel would wake up to fresh flowers in the morning. I gradually slacked off, blaming it on the fact

that our cat loves knocking things like flower vases over. But I know that's a lame excuse. So I started

buying Karel flowers again and kept a close eye on our chaos-loving cat. I put the first bouquet on the dining

room table in our "fancy vase," and Karel noticed immediately. She couldn't stop talking about it and kept

asking me what she'd done to deserve random flowers. Clearly, this needs to happen more often.

Related: Secrets to a Divorce-Proof Marriage

I unplugged.

Karel and I hang out together every night, but I surf the Internet while I'm sitting next to her, so she gives me

static about only being present physically. To be with her more completely, I scaled back my Internet time

and, in my mind, was very successful: Instead of surfing mindlessly for two hours, I answered emails for 15

minutes. No dice for Karel, though. It irks her every time I touch my laptop after the kids are in bed, and

maybe she's right to police my cyber habits. Next time I'll try no computer at all after 5 p.m., but only if she

quits BlackBerrying after work too.

Related: 5 Outfits Guys Secretly Hope You'll Wear

I tried not to pounce on her.

Karel complains that I never let her initiate sex. She says I seize every opportunity for action I see: a hug has

to turn into sex; folding laundry has to turn into sex; getting back from the vet has to turn into sex. I don't let

things develop "organically" or let her make the first move and show me how "sex-positive" she can be. So I

took a step back. The first week went well: I don't know if Karel noticed my restraint, but she did take the

lead. (And, by the way, organic sex doesn't feel that different from conventional or processed sex.)

Related: 5 Dresses Every Woman Should Own

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The trouble started in week two, when Karel announced she was cutting me off sexually until I finished a

book proposal that should have been done a year ago. Of course, after that, I couldn't stop thinking about

getting some, and the next thing I knew I was all over her, hoping to find a weak spot in the blockade.

Ultimately, I finished the outline, at which point she immediately normalized relations between our two great

nations. I've gotta tell you, I don't know if I learned anything from this one.

Related: Your New Breakfast Plan

I got in shape.

I haven't really worked out since I wrestled in high school, so as part of my man makeover, I revived my

ancient gym routine. Karel noticed — mainly because I'd wake her up in the morning doing jumping jacks and

mountain climbers in the living room. I ran or exercised for at least half an hour every day (except two) last

month. Karel complimented me on my rapidly improving physique, and I discovered that my newfound core

strength paid off in other (ahem) areas of our life. But the biggest impact was on me alone: I felt healthier,

stronger, more alert, and just generally better. Even if Karel hadn't noticed, I'd try to stick with this one for

me… and the better sex.

I dressed like an adult.

I wear lots of flannel, jeans, and thermals — I'm like a refugee from a 1993 Alice in Chains concert.

REDBOOK's fashion director came to the rescue, sending me a box of crisp button-down shirts, fashionably

slim-cut pants that most guys would probably wear on Casual Friday but for me counted as black-tie, and

shoes made of something leathery with pointy tips and a bit of a heel. The fancy khakis and pointy shoes

gave me away. I wore them into the kitchen one morning, and Karel asked if I was going on a job interview

or appearing before a judge. She said I looked weird. Then she squealed and pointed at my crotch. I

swatted frantically at myself to get whatever she was freaking out about off me. Then she told me I had to

change, and that I was not allowed to take the kids outside wearing those pants.

Related: 10 Things Never to Say to the Man You Love

"But why?" I asked.

"First of all, you're too scruffy to wear clothes like that, and more importantly, if you go out in those pants,

the neighbors will be able to tell that you're circumcised." Upon closer inspection, I discovered that she was

terrifyingly correct. I immediately changed into a pair of baggy Levis. It f elt good to be back in the '90s.

After the pants fiasco, I told Karel about my makeover project for this column. With the exception of the

clothes, she seemed genuinely surprised that all my new habits were staged for an assignment — and after

some reflection, I could see why. I'd been meaning to make all of these changes; I just hadn't gotten around

to them. I know how lucky I am to have an amazing wife and kids, and I don't want to take them for granted

by treating my body like crap and checking out early, or failing to show them how much they mean to me. I

sent the clothes back to REDBOOK — they just don't fit, literally and figuratively. But I'm going to keep afterthe other improvements, the ones I've had percolating inside me for a while now, plans for the man I'd like to

become.

More from REDBOOK:

Could You Go a Week Without Yelling?

6 Shocking Reasons Why Men Stray

101 Date Night Ideas

Connect with REDBOOK:

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Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.

Related: romance, relationships, redbook, men, husband, dating, better husband


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30 days to a better husband

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