- A HAPPY LIFE PUBLICATION –- www.lifesuccesscoachs.com

5 STEPS TO BOOST YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE

EVEN IF YOU SUFFER FROM STRONG ANXIETY

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Intro: About the author

Why it’s crucial to build your self-esteem

Step 1: Reframing negative core beliefs

Step 2: Recall your positive qualities

Step 3: Using positive statements

Step 4: Boost assertiveness

Step 5: Mind Power

Bonus Tips

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2

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INTROABOUT THE AUTHOR

Lizzie O’Halloran, BBSc, MASR, NLP Prac

Lizzie O'Halloran is Australia’s pioneer Personal Development coach, with a passion for supporting busy mums and couples to feel happier and healthier as parents and individuals. Lizzie is the Author of Refresh Your Life: No Need To Deprive Yourself Anymore and Perfect Mum: How to Survive the Emotional Rollercoaster of Motherhood.

In addition to being a professional therapist, speaker and author, Lizzie has represented Australia in International Natural Bodybuilding Association (INBA) Miss Fitness Titles and has helped countless women and couples to take control of issues such as lack of intimacy, self doubt, exhaustion and work-place stress.

Follow Lizzie for ongoing inspiration and support on Twitter: @lohalloran72

WHY IT’s CRUCIAL TO BUILD YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

CHAPTER ONE

What is self-esteem?Self-esteem refers to how you view and think about yourself and the value youplace on yourself as an individual. Self-esteem is the product of your lifehistory, genes and circumstance. Low self-esteem is usually coupled withinsecurity and self-doubt. These negative aspects of the 'self' have a nastyhabit of causing self sabotage and reducing confidence.

The harsh reality of low self-esteem is that no matter how strongly you believeyou deserve something, low self-esteem will find a way to ruin any chances ofsuccess unless you manage or heal it. Let's look at the example in relationships.It's a strong desire for most people to attract and maintain a loving, supportiveand fun intimate partner. When the relationship is yet to manifest, the desireintensifies until the right person comes along to form a potential partnership. Ifyour self-esteem is moderate to high you will be yourself, show your bestqualities and allow the relationship to grow organically. However, if your self-esteem is low you will panic at the slightest perception your new partner haslost interest, behave in ways inconsistent with your true values and sacrificemuch more of yourself than is appropriate in order to sustain a relationshipthat deep down you don't believe you truly deserve.

CHILDHOOD BAGGAGE

Early Beginnings

Negative early life events result in the development of negative corebeliefs. These negative beliefs lead to unhelpful rules, which in turnlead to unhelpful behaviours. Clinical Psychologists believe low self-esteem is often the product of abusive or dysfunctional early lifeyears, the effects of which can persist well into adulthood. Coupledwith additional ongoing life stress (such as relationship problems,career stagnation or redundancy and healthy problems), low self-esteem can be a life-long problem if not addressed. So, in order toeffectively heal and succeed in life as a confident individual youneed to clear the baggage from the past and rewire those negativelyinstilled core beliefs.

STEP 1: REFRAMING

NEGATIVE CORE BELIEFS

CHAPTER TWO

The First Step to boosting your self confidence and self-esteem is toidentify your negative core beliefs.

Take out a sheet of paper and write down any negative things you canthink that you regularly say to yourself or think about yourself. You mayneed to spend a day paying closer attention to your thoughts, but youwill soon become very aware of your thinking. For instance, do you everhear yourself saying “I’m an idiot”, “I’m hopeless”, “I’m so fat”, “I’mpathetic, “I’m a loser”, or “I’m a failure”? These global statements areexamples of negative core beliefs that you would like to change

“47% of girls between the ages of 11 and 14 refuse to take part in activities that will show off their bodies in any way — like swimming or performing in a school play”.

Dove Self Esteem Project

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IDENTIFYING YOUR BELIEFS

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CREATE NEW POSITIVE BELIEFS

“1 in 4 girls today fall into a clinical diagnosis –depression, eating disorders, cutting, and other mental/emotional disorders. On top of these, many more report being constantly anxious, sleep deprived, and under significant pressure”. The Triple Bind, Steven Hinshaw

Now take a look at these core beliefs. Pick one of them and write down an opposite belief to replace this negative one.

For instance, if your negative core belief is, “I’m a failure”, the opposite would be “I am doing my best”. This is believable because it’s true.

Then write down all the reasons why your core belief is not true and your opposite belief is more believable (e.g. no-one is a complete failure. I have achieved success before. All I can ask of myself is to try”

STEP 2: RECALL YOUR POSITIVE QUALITIES

CHAPTER THREE

POSITIVE QUALITIES

Personality Looks Professionally

Write down 5 things you link about yourself in the following areas. For instance, do you like your eyes, your kindness and your intelligence?

STEP 3: USING POSITIVE

STATEMENTS

CHAPTER FOUR

POSITIVE SELF STATEMENTSPositive self-statements are beliefs about you that are positive andtrue. They are good aspects of yourself that you know to be true, but mayoften forget to remind yourself about. It is very easy to believe thenegative things you hear about yourself. Think about it. When was the lasttime you accepted a compliment gracefully? If you have, that’s great and Icongratulate you on your excellent progress. However, most people arenot very good at taking compliments. For instance, how many times haveyou been given a complement such as “you look fantastic today”and then responded with “No I don’t” or “you look better than me”?

We are taught from a young age to accept criticism, but not to acceptcompliments. Children are conditioned to think that accepting complimentsis ‘big headed’. However, in Australia, in particular, people are taught torespect the down to earth ‘Aussie’ who’s laid back and relaxed, withoutbeing ‘full of him/herself’. What you need to realise is that there is adifference between being happy with your achievements and being ‘bigheaded’ about yourself. If you were to observe children playing you’dnotice that those who brag about the positive aspects of themselves, ortheir families, are often not well liked by other children and are consideredspoilt.

Who knows where these types of thoughts come from, however, onewould suspect it’s ingrained into people from a young age – at a terribleprice for your self-esteem. We have to reverse these childhood behavioursand attitudes. This is possible through the use of ‘positive self statements’.Use the exercise below to help you improve your ability to acceptcomplements. Being able to accept compliments takes you one stepfurther towards liking yourself and achieving your goals.

EXERCISEIn front of a mirror, practice accepting a compliment. Try to do this once aday. Repeat out load “Thankyou”. Just do this a few times during yourpractice sessions. Once you feel confident about this response see if youcan practice on a real person. If you can ask someone you know to helpyou practice, by paying you a compliment, that’s great, but if you can’t youcan tape record the positive compliments, or simply keep practicing withthe mirror until someone really gives you a compliment, in which case youcan respond with “thank-you”.

It is important to also practice giving other people compliments. This willdefinitely increase your self-esteem. It doesn’t take much effort and itmakes you feel great too. In addition, the more you compliment others, themore likely they are to compliment you back. Use the examples below asa guide:

COMPLIMENT RESPONSE

“You look nice today” ............... “Thank-you”

“I love what you are wearing”.... “I really like it too”

“Your hair looks great” .............. “I’m so happy with it too”

“You are so nice” ....................... “It’s really great of you to say that”

“I love the way you do that” .........”Your opinion means a lot to me, thanks”

“You are so smart” ..................... “Thanks, I think the same about you too”.

STEP 4: BOOST ASSERTIVENESS

CHAPTER FIVE

BEING ASSERTIVE

Many people believe that being assertive just doesn’t come naturally to

them. As a result they go through life being frustrated, angry and upset

because they have not voiced their feelings in a manner that produced positive

results. What often happens when you are not assertive in the right places, is

that you take your feelings out on the wrong people. For example, if you don’t

stick up for yourself at work, then you might yell at your kids in an

inappropriate manner. The negative feelings will build up and they have to be

expelled in one manner or another – thus you take them out on the wrong

person. You may not even realise this is happening and before you know it,

you’re relationship with the people you love is being compromised, simply

because you didn’t take the appropriate action when required.

HOW TO BOOST YOUR ASSERTIVENESS

Boost your assertiveness in these scenariosUnder each scenario you’ll find different ways you may like to responds to be

more assertive. Remember, there is a difference between being assertive and

aggressive. The person may still be offended by your reaction (particularly if

it’s out of character), but think about the consequence of not being assertive –

for you and for those around you. It’s definitely worth it.

AT WORK1. Your boss is a bully and puts you down in front of other people

KEY: Need to diffuse the situation as bullies ‘feed’ off fear

Say “Thanks for your comments. I’ll take them on board, however, I have

documented your initial request and I have completed the task to your

specification”

Say “Thanks for your comments, but I believe we can complete this discussion

without an aggressive tone”

Say “I’m sorry you feel that way. I have worked very hard on this project and

perhaps we would benefit from a bit clearer direction from you”

HOW TO BOOST YOUR ASSERTIVENESS

Boost your assertiveness in these scenarios CONT…

WITH YOUR FAMILYYour husband expects you to come home and cook and clean every

night, even though you’re working just as hard as him in your career.

KEY: Need get your husband to understand that the roles have changed,

but you still want to support him

Say “I love doing things for you, but I’m really finding it difficult to balance

everything. Is there anything you could suggest to reduce my housework

load?”

Say “Can we discuss the option of employing a house cleaner as it’s really

important to us to have a clean house and I always feel like I don’t have

enough time to get around to it”

Say “I’d like to suggest that we outsource some of the duties, like getting food

delivered a few times per week. This would really help with my workload”

HOW TO BOOST YOUR ASSERTIVENESS

Boost your assertiveness in these scenarios CONT…

WITH YOUR FRIENDS

You organise a dinner party that’s very special to you. Your guests have

RSVP’d and now you go ahead and buy all the food. At the last minute your

friend calls to tell you she wants to have an early night so she can work

tomorrow. She cancels leaving you with the extra food.

KEY: Need to be clear that you don’t appreciate this behaviour

Say “I understand that you need an early night, but you knew about work and

my party a long time ago and I’ve spent money on your dinner, so I just need

to express that I’m disappointed and wish you could have given me some

notice”

Say “Next time I’d really appreciate more notice, because I’ve catered for you

and at this late notice I don’t have the opportunity to invite someone else”

Say “Would it be possible for you to compromise, because you’ve put me in a

very difficult situation with respect to the catering and hiring of chairs”

STEP 5: MIND POWER

CHAPTER SIX

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TRAIN YOUR BRAIN

“The top five causes of stress in Australia over the [past] five years are, personal finances (49%); family issues (45%); personal health (44 %); trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle (40 %) and issues with the health of others close to us (38 %)”The findings of the Australian Psychological Society Stress and Wellbeing in Australia survey 2015

Your brain is wired to do things that are in your best interest. When you feel anxious it’s because your brain thinks the anxiety will cause you to either avoid something, or change something – in order to protect you.

The key to reducing anxiety ‘in the moment’, is to ask yourself why you are taking a particular action (e.g. public speaking); to ask yourself what your desired goal really is and then to convince yourself that it’s in your best interest to be more relaxed.

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TAKING CONTROL

“The five most popular ways of managing stress in Australia over the [past] five years are: watching tv / movies (85%); focusing on the positives (81%); spending time with friends and / or family (81%);listening to music (80%) and reading 75%The findings of the Australian Psychological Society Stress and Wellbeing in Australia survey 2015

EXAMPLE: Public Speaking

1. Why am I doing this? (A) I want people to learn from my research

2. What’s my desired goal? (A) To perform in a calm & confident manner

3. What behaviour is in my best interest? (A) It’s in my best interest to be composed and relaxed. I want to do this speech. I will feel great after I perform at my best. If I practice and remain calm, I’ll perform really well and that’s what I really want!

BONUS TIPS

10 TIPS TO BOOST CONFIDENCE1. Ignore and challenge your internal critic

2. Join a public speaking group in your local areas (e.g.

Toastmasters http://www.toastmasters.org/)

3. Call someone you’ve been nervous to talk to for a while

4. Go for that job you’re scared to apply for

5. Tell yourself that your opinions are just as valid as other

people’s

6. Take time to look nice for your partner (we often neglect to

make an effort for those we really love) – the reinforcement

can be really rewarding

7. Spoil yourself with a manicure, or haircut

8. Join a local gym and book in a few sessions with a

personal trainer

9. Read the book ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’, by Susan

Jeffers

10. Be proud of who you are, where you come from and what

you believe.

WANTING MORE?

Did You Know…When you lack self confidence, you are less assertive, you allow fear to rule your life and

you sacrifice your own needs, to keep the peace.

The Happy Life self esteem boosting program is designed to create a strong and resilient self-esteem.

The program is based on the principles used in one-on-one personal life coaching and counselling.

Discover how you can boost your confidence from the privacy of your own home in as little as 6 weeks,

without having to spend a fortune on personalised self-esteem, presenting, or relationship coaching.

WATCH OUR FREE PROGRAM VIDEO HERE

Visit http://www.helpformums.com/boost_selfesteem/