6. helping your child deal with school transitions

KID SMART Unit: Working with Schools

B-41Agricu ltural Extension S ervice, The U niversity of Ten nessee ● Tennes see State U niversity Cooperative Extens ion Program

Core Concepts

The time between when a change

With al l changes, there are lo sses.

Saying goodbye to the things left

Participants will identify losses that

Participants will name at least one

Flip chart or board and markers

Paper and pencils

Index cards

"Transitions Worksheet"� (B-6-a)

"Transitions Strategies for Children" �

"The Seven Stages of Transitions" �

"� Matching the Stages of Transitions

"� Matching the Stages of Transitions

"�Losses in School Transitions"� (B-6-f)

6. Helping Your Child Deal with School

Transitions

At a Glance...

Children experience many transitionsas they grow. Many of thesetransitions are related to going toschool. Parents who understand andhelp their children deal with theirfeelings and fears can help them tomake the transitions more smoothly.

Time

1 hour

Core Concepts

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occurs and when people adjust tothe change is the period oftransition.

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behind through change can helpchildren get ready for (make thetransition to) the new things thatwill happen.

Objectives

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children might experience as theydeal with changes in school.

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way they can help children dealwith losses they will experiencethrough future school tra nsitions.

Materials

❏

❏

❏

❏ (copies for every two class members)

❏� (B-6-b) (copies for everyone)

❏ �

(B-6-c) (copies for everyone)

❏ �

Activity Sheet" � (B-6-d) (copies for

everyone)

❏ �

Activity Sheet Key" �(B-6-e) (reference

for facilitator only)

❏ �

(copies for everyone)


B-42 Agricu ltural Extension S ervice, The U niversity of Ten nessee ● Tennes see State U niversity Cooperative Extens ion Program

� Tic Tac Toe �Have participants pair off and play the game as they normally would.After they have completed the game, announce that the first person toget three X'�s or O'� s in a row is the loser. Give a small prize (sticker,piece of gum, etc.) to the surprised person who won. If neither playergot three X'�s or O'� s in a row, both are winners.

Get reactions from the participants. Comment that changes from whatyou are used to can be hard to take, especially if they are unexpected.Mention that today you are going to talk about transitions that comewith changes. You will specifically talk about helping children makeschool transitions.

Ice Breaker

Facilitator'�s Script

You may have heard that the only sure things are death and taxes, but there isone other thing that is just as sure -- and that is change. When we experiencechange we move from one "�way of being" to another. The time between wherewe were and where we end up is called a "time of transition." �

Some transitions happen suddenly and without warning, such as beingparalyzed in a serious accident or losing your job. Other transitions are morenormal and expected, such as children starting to school, changing schools asthey grow older, leaving home, getting married, and having their own children.Even death is a normal change when it happens to someone who is elderly orwho has been ill for a long time.

Every change, whether it is expected or not, brings feelings of loss as well aspossible feelings of excitement. If we understand some of the feelings thatchildren experience as they go through transitions, we can help them to workthrough those feelings and go from feelings of loss to feelings of excitement andlooking ahead.

Among the most common transitions children experience is the transition fromhome to school or from one school to another. Let'�s think about that experience.



Conduct a guided discussion

The cent ral ques tion is "What Can P arent s do t o Ea se Children'� sTransit ion to Schoo l or t o a Differe nt Scho ol?" �

1. Ask participants to think about the time when they were childrenand they started to school or when they changed from one schoolto another. Have them write on their paper the age they were andthe transition they were making (for example, 5-years-old andstarting to kindergarten, or 12 -years-old and starting to middleschool). Have each person share an experience with the group.

2. Ask them to describe facts they remember about the situation.Describe the school, the people involved, and what was said.

3. What were their feelings at this time, both positive and negative?What were some of their concerns?

4. Ask participants what helped them to get through the t ransition.Did someone do something that helped them to feel better? Whowas helpful and what did they do?

5. Ask participants to think about what you just talked about. Thenhave them suggest ideas of some things that adults, especiallyparents, could do to help children adjust to these changes.

Note: As participants share, list some of their concerns and feelingsand the things that were helpful to them. Refer back to your notes asyou summarize what came from this discussion. You may refer backto these notes later in the session.

Most children will experience transitions of going to school or changing schools(unless they are home-schooled). They will even experience changes with eachincrease in grade level, such as a different teacher, a different classroom, newsubjects, and different classmates.

Going to a new school is a major transition for any child. When children movefrom preschool to elementary school, from elementary to middle school or juniorhigh, and from there to high school, they experience lots of changes. W ith eachof these changes they experience the end of one stage of their life and thelosses that go with that. They need to be able to grieve those losses and thenmove on.



Have class members pair off or get into small groups of no more thanfive members each. Give each group a "Transitions Worksheet. " (B-6-a). Allow each group to pick one of the school transitions in thefollowing list: 1) From home to preschool or kindergarten, 2) Fromkindergarten to first grade, 3) From elementary school to middleschool or junior high, 4) From junior high to high school, or 5. Fromhigh school to college. Ask each group to fill out the possible lossesthat children might experience at that transition.

If you have only one or two participants, have them think of the mostrecent school transition their child went through or the one that will becoming up. Have t hem complet e the "Transit ions Wor ksheet"� byfocusing on that change.

Children in transition may act like they are in a fog. They may not be able toconcentrate, may be grumpy, or have a short temper. They may be demandingor clingy. They may have a loss of appetite or need more sleep than usual.

These behaviors may be unusual for your child, but they are perfectly normal forsomeone going through a transition. If you know what to expect, you can helpyour child understand his feelings and help him adjust. You will understand thatyour children are not behaving in these ways on purpose or to make you angry.They probably don'�t understand why they are acting in those ways. By talkingwith children about their feelings, helping them to name what they feel are theirlosses, and by looking ahead to what the future will bring, parents can help theirchildren through the process of change.

Parents can help plan a farewell party for the class at school or help the child tomake a scrapbook of things that will help him or her remember the specialpeople and times at school. Parents can help children to look ahead by visitingthe new school, meeting the new teacher, or finding a friend who will be in thenew class.

Parents will be going through a transition as well. They may have less time withtheir child than before. They may have to give their child more independence.They may feel like their chi ld is growing up too fast. These changes can causeparents to experience some of the same feelings and behavior changes as theirchildren.

Let'�s do an exercise to help us think about the possible losses children mightexperience during different kinds of school transitions.



Distribute the handout "Transitions Strategies for Children" � (B-6-b).Read through the descriptions of what children may be like during atransit ion. Ask part icipants to share things they have noticed about theirchildren when they are going through a transition.

Ask participants to get back in their original small groups. Looking atthe Transitions Worksheet they completed earlier, have them brainstormideas for helping those children grieve their losses and put them behindthem (such as the end of school party, having their friends sign a T-Shirtwith fabric paints, or making a scrapbook). Have each group share theirideas with the large group.

If your group has only one or two participants, let them work on ideasfor helping their child through the next school transition.

Distribute "The Seven Stages of Transitions" (B-6-c). Discuss the sevenstages of transition and ways parents can help their children at each ofthese stages.

Give out the "Matching Stages of Transitions Activity Sheet"� (B-6-d).Have participants work individually or in pairs to match the descriptionof the child to the stage of transition. Participants may refer back to"The Se ven Sta ges o f Transit ions"� (B-6 -c) t o help t hem. Use t he"Matching Stages of Transitions Activity Sheet Key"� (B-6-e) to checkanswers.

You may notice a lot of changes in your children when they are going through alife transition. Let'�s look at this handout and identify a few of the changes.

Now let'�s spend a little time brainstorming ideas to help our children grieve theirlosses and put them behind them.

Here are some suggestions for helping your children through transitions.

One last activity is to pull all of these ideas together and to think of what we cando to help our children grieve a loss and adapt to the transition.



Distribute "Losses in School Transitions"� (B-6-f). Ask participants tofind the column for the next school transition their child or children willface and read over the possible losses. Ask them to think of one thingthey can do to help their child grieve that loss and adapt to thetransition. Have them write their plan on an index card and share theidea with the class if they are willing.

HomeworkAsk participants to talk with their child or a child who will be facing aschool transition soon. They should ask some questions of the childabout the upcoming change. Here are some sample questions:

1. What do you like best about the school you go to now?

2. What do you not like about the school you go to now?

3. How do you feel about going to a different school?

4. What have you heard other people say about the new school?

5. What do you think will be the best part of going to the newschool?

6. What do you think will be the hardest part?

Parents may use this information to help them plan ways to ease thetransition for this child.

Final Thoughts


Agricu ltural Extension S ervice, The U niversity of Ten nessee ● Tennes see State U niversity Cooperative Extens ion Program

Handout B-6-a

Transitions Worksheet

1. Describe the transition:

2. Identify possible losses:

Material loss (Loss of a physical object or change in familiar surroundings)

Relationship loss (Loss of or change in relationships with others)

Loss of self-image (Loss of an emotionally important part of oneself or loss ofhopes or dreams)

Role loss (Loss of a specific social role or place in a group)

Loss of familiar system (Loss of familiar rules, people, positions or ways of doingthings within a system)

There is always an identity crisis at a major transition. "Who am I now? What will be expected of me? How do I perform or behave?" �

Source; Golden, M. and McDermott, D. (2000) "Transitions: From Endings to New Beginnings."� In Comeau, J. (Ed.)Family Information Services Professional Resource Materials. July 2000. Minneapolis, MN: Family InformationServices.

KID SMART Unit: Working With Schools

Your child may have a low energy level and want to sleep more than usual.

Your child may be frustrated easil y, may have angry outbursts, and may talk back.

Your child may become more demanding of your attention or may become more distant

Your child may slide back into earlier behavior patterns such as using baby talk again

Other:

Maintain as many familiar routines as you can.

Help your child to talk about what is happening around him and inside him. Let him talk

Be there just to listen, and let your child know that you understand and th at she has a

Help your child to identify losses he may experience. Create a ritual to help your child

Help your child think about the good things that may come from the transition.

Help your child find hope in situations that may seem hopeless. Ask questions like "� Whata

Allow your child to have time alone to think through the transition. If your child is old

Other:


Handout B-6-b

Transitions Strategies for Children

What your child may be like during a transition:

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and withdrawn.

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(this is a sign that the child does not want to let go of the past).

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Strategies that may help your child through this transition:

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about his feelings or things that have happened to him. (Children who don'�t talk may openup if their parents just spend time with them and don'�t try to pry information out of them.)

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right to her feelings. Don �t try to solve the problem for her.

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move forward. Let your child help create the ritual. (A ritu al might be to have a school'�s-out party or for your child to receive a small gift as a token of the change he or she isabout to make.)

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are some other things that might happen?" � or "Do you know someone else who wentthrough the same thing? How is he now?" �

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enough to keep a diary or a journal, suggest that she write her thoughts or feelings in thediary or journal.

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Source: Golden, M., and McDermott, D. (2000). "The School Years: Parents and Children in Transition".� In Comeau, J. (Ed.)Family Information Services. September 2000, Minneapolis, MN: Family Information Services.



Handout B-6-c

The Seven Stages of Transitions

1. The Fog -- This happens at the end of the old stage and before the beginning of the newstage. Persons in this stage feel like they are living in a fog and feel overwhelmed orconfused.

What to do for your children: Encourage them to be around familiar people and things.Help them to continue good, healthy habits. Help them to avoid making hasty decisions oracting without thinking.

2. Denial or Mini mizing -- This happens in rea ction to change . People try to live life as usual,as if nothing has changed. Even thought they may be pretending that everything is okay, theymay be more sensitive than normal and may overemphasize normal behavior. They may pushothers away during this time.

What to do for your children: Encourage your children to talk about or write down theirfeelings about what is happening to them.

3. The Low Point -- This is the point when persons feel low, depressed and helpless. Theymay have a low energy level and become angry easily.

What to do for your children: It is important to let your children know that it is okay to feel theway they do. Listen to what they have to say. Avoid giving them advice. Keep them busy doingthings that don'�t take much thought, such as helping with chores or playing simple games.

4. Beginning to Let Go of the Past -- This is the time when perso ns begin to f ace what ispast and the losses that go with that. They may feel very insecure going into the newsituation.

What to do for your children: Help your children identify what has ended and what has beenor will be lost because of that. Help your children grieve the losses. A ceremony or ritual suchas writing a poem or a story about the stage in life being left behind may help them to moveforward. Help your children identify the gains that may come from the new stage in life.

5. Looking T oward the Future -- Persons begin to feel more conf ident with the cha nge at thisstage. However, they may move between this stage and earlier stages for awhile. They maybecome excited about the future and become more outgoing at this stage.

What to do for your children: Learn all you can about the new situation. Find a book to readtogether, or find information about what to expect in the new stage of life. Try to help yourchildren look at the new situation in a different way.

6. Finding Meaning in the Transition -- This is the time to create new patterns or traditions.Things become more peaceful and all the turmoil of change starts to make sense. The futuremay look promising.

What to do for your children: Give them time to be alone to think through the changes andto think about what their new life is like.

7. Resolution of the Transition -- This is the final stage of the transition process. It �s the newbeginning. It is accepting the change and understanding how it fits into one �s life. There is afeeling of moving forward. Life seems balanced and normal again.

What to do for your children: Provide a stable home for them to reinforce these feelings.



Handout B-6-d

Matching the Stages of Transition

Activity Sheet

Write the number from the right-ha nd column -- the "Stage of T ransit ion"� -- on the blank beside the"Descript ion of the Child"� in the left-hand column tha t it best ma tches. Use the ha ndout "The Seven Sta ges ofTransitions"� (B-6-f) to help decide which stage each child is in.

Description of Child

___ Sara has been talking a lot about her teacherfrom last year. She talks about her friends fromkindergarten. She says she is scared to go to firstgrade.

___ Seth has lost his appetite. He has not been asactive as usual. He flies off the handle at anylittle thing. He has had trouble sleeping.

___ Brandi liked her first day as a freshman in highschool. She thinks being in high school is cool.She seems to want to take more responsibility forgetting herself up and taking care of her schoolthings.

___ Kenneth has been excited because school isstart ing next week. He has been talking to hisfriends who are in the same grade. He hopes tobe in the same class with some of them. Hethinks the new school building will be neat.

___ Makeshia acts as if she is not at all worriedabout going to middle school this fall, but shedoesn'� t want to t alk with you ab out it, a nd sheseems to always be busy with something.

___ Devon has settled into a routine since schoolbegan three weeks ago. He has joined the highschool band and goes to practice and ball games.He has figured out how to get his homeworkdone, be in the band, and do some things with hisfriends. He seems happy.

___ Joshua doesn'� t seem to hear or u nderstand t hingsyou say to him. He doesn'�t seem to know what todo with himself.

Stage of Transition

1. The Fog

2. Denial or Minimizing

3. The Low Point

4. Beginning to Let Go of the Past

5. Looking Toward the Future

6. Finding Meaning in the Transition

7. Conclusion of the Transition

KID SMART Unit: Working With Schools


Handout B-6-e

Matching the Stages of Transition

Activity Sheet Key

Write the number from the right-ha nd column -- the "Stage of T ransit ion"� -- on the blank beside the"Descript ion of the Child"� in the left-hand column tha t it best ma tches. Use the ha ndout "The Seven Sta ges ofTransitions"� (B-6-c) to help decide which stage each child is in.

Description of Child

4 Sara has been talking a lot about her teacherfrom last year. She talks about her friends fromkindergarten. She says she is scared to go to firstgrade.

3 Seth has lost his appetite. He has not been asactive as usual. He flies off the handle at anylittle thing. He has had trouble sleeping.

6 Brandi liked her first day as a freshman in highschool. She thinks being in high school is cool.She seems to want to take more responsibility forgetting herself up and taking care of her schoolthings.

5 Kenneth has been excited because school isstart ing next week. He has been talking to hisfriends who are in the same grade. He hopes tobe in the same class with some of them. Hethinks the new school building will be neat.

2 Makeshia acts as if she is not at all worriedabout going to middle school this fall, but shedoesn'� t want to t alk with you ab out it, a nd sheseems to always be busy with something.

7 Devon has settled into a routine since schoolbegan three weeks ago. He has joined the highschool band and goes to practice and ball games.He has figured out how to get his homeworkdone, be in the band, and do some things with hisfriends. He seems happy.

1 Joshua doesn'� t seem to hear or u nderstand t hingsyou say to him. He doesn'�t seem to know what todo with himself.

Stage of Transition

1. The Fog

2. Denial or Minimizing

3. The Low Point

4. Beginning to Let Go of the Past

5. Looking Toward the Future

6. Finding Meaning in the Transition

7. Conclusion of the Transition



Handout B-6-f

Losses in School Transitions

Possiblelosses

Home to preschool Preschool to kindergarten orelementary school

Elementary to middle school Middle school to high school

Material loss Loss of toys, possessions, bedfor naps, space (must sharewith others)

Loss of familiar home or child-caresetting; of cubbyhole, mat for sleeping,and toys; of free t ime; of space (n owhas more children in one room)

Loss of old, most likely smallerschool; of familiar rooms andfurnishings; of free time; ofoutdoor recess

Loss of the old familiar schoolbuilding; of locker; of free time;of time with family

Relationshiploss

Loss of parent or caregiver;of time spent with parent,caregiver or playmates

Loss of teacher or childcare provider;others who helped with pr eschool(cook, janitor, parent volunteers);preschool friends

Loss of relationship with oneprimary teacher; of friends; ofindividual at tent ion fromteacher

Loss of a favor ite teacher; offriends because of differentschedules; of a gir lfriend orboyfriend

Loss of self-image

Loss of feeling of securityfrom familiar set ting; offreedom to do what he or shewants to do (must follow aschedule)

Loss of feelings of security in thepreschool set ting; of freedom; and ofcontrol of personal schedule -- childmust follow a strict schedule

Loss of sense of being a child;security of familiar setting androutine; of being himself orher self -- must c onform to (belike) peers

Loss of dream that middleschool could go on forever; ofsecurity in knowing what isexpected; of sense of self -- nolonger a child, not yet an adult

Role loss Loss of being the oldest childat home or in daycare; ofbeing a child in a home withfew or no other children

Loss of being the oldest in thepreschool or at home; of being in asmall group or only child

Loss of being in the highestgrade in school and the statusand responsibility that go withthat; of identity with a smallcommunity

Loss of being in the highestgrade in school and all theleadership and esteem that goeswith that; of identi ty as a part ofa small community

Loss offamiliarsystem

Loss of the former caretakingsystem; of familiar routine

Loss of the preschool system; offamiliar routine

Loss of the elemen tary schoolsystem; of the family-likeatmosphere to a more-controlling atmosphere

Loss of the familiar middleschool system; of security ofknowing where to go when

Source: Golden, M., and McDermott, D. (2000). "The School Years: Parents and Children in Transition." � In Comeau, J. (Ed.) Family Information ServicesProfessional Resource Materials. September 2000, Minneapolis, MN: Family Information Services.

6. helping your child deal with school transitions

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