6thws1_6editandrevise

8/16/2019 6thWS1_6editandrevise

1/41

5WS1.6 Edit and revise manuscripts to

improve the meaning and focus of writing

by adding, deleting, consolidating,clarifying, and rearranging words and

sentences.

Standard 6WS1.6

Revise writing to improveorganiation and consistency

within and between paragraphs


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We will revise1 our writing to

improve

!

its meaning

"

andconsistency#.$ revise1% change

$ improve!% ma&e better

$ meaning"% what you are trying to tell your audience

$ consistency#% stic&ing with the same idea' notdeviating

(earning )b*ective

+repronounce' - read define in conte/t0' choral read+S What are we doing today


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Which is more interesting to read

$ 2is sweater was nice. -he boys laughed whenthey saw it.

$ 2is sweater had a frilly collar made of fuy,

pin& yarn. -he boys laughed to see the dogdressed up this way.

3+4

When we change our words, the meaning

becomes clearer, and our audiencewants to read more. -oday we will learn

how to change our writing.

3

W +S rame% Sentence77 was interesting to me because777


4/41

Revising is improving the content and

organiation of your writing

$ Writing needs 8)9S:S-E98;. -his

means that all the ideas wor& together

to support the main idea.

$ Sentences and paragraphs must be

strongly connected.

$ Writing needs organiation

concep

9on e/ample% : am going to tell you about the reasons you should volunteer.

E/ample% : have news for teenage volunteers%


5/41

$ -hin& of writing sentences as a chain=

$ Each lin& sentence0 is connected to the

main ob*ect idea0even if it is far awayfrom it. -he lin&s sentences0 >?S-

wor& together for the chain paragraph0

to be strong.

E/ample%

: went to my friend@s house,

but her mom wasn@t home.

So, we did our homewor& and

ate a snac&. When we were

done, her dad drove me home.

9one/ample%

: went to my friend@s

house. 2er mom wasn@t

home. We did our homewor&

and ate. : had ice cream.

8hocolate is my favorite.

She had her dad drive me

home later.

3fter school


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Ways to revise your writing

$


7/41

+lacing new

words or

sentences to

bridge ideas or

ma&econnections

clear. 3dditions

should ma&e

meanings

clearer orenhance

descriptions

-a&e out

words or

sentences

that are

not related

to the

main

topic, are

repetitive,or are

overused

?se fewer

words that

carry powerful

meaning.

)mit redundancies.

>a&e

your

thoughts

clearer .

8hange

the order

of the

words ABor

sentences.

)rganie

by time,

seCuence,

or logicalorder.

concept

E/% good

nice badfunny big

E/%

-herefore,

then, also, inaddition

E/% e/tremely,

rapidly,gorgeous,

friendly,

generous,

delicious,

carefree

3s&

yourself% :f

: &new

nothing

about thistopic, would

: understand

irst, ne/t,

last, then,

after, before,

conseCuently

R3D


8/41

$ What is deleting to revise mean

$ What would you need to do to delete to revise10(ighthouses are designed to help sailors pilot in

ships at night. !0 Sailors en*oy the sea."0 3lighthouse is a tower with a powerful light on top to

illuminate the dar&ness. 3.8ross out sentence !

.3dd more details

2ow do you &now that

R3D


9/41

Why revise

$ Sometimes our thoughts don@t translate clearly intowritten words

$ Effective writing gets your ideas across clearly

$ ;our readers will &now what you are saying$ :t is tested on the 8S- and benchmar&s

$ ood writing ma&es a good impression

:mportance

Which sentence would be best to remove from

the first paragraph?A Those who built the Tower of Pisa never meant

for it to lean, though this is what has made it

famous.

B Other towers, such as the Eiffel Tower and the

Tower of London, are known for their own unique

qualities.

C In recent years, workers have had to make the

Tower of Pisa lean less, to make it safe for visitors

to enter.

D How did the tower come to lean, and how did

workers make the Leaning Tower stand straighter?

Which sentence could best

be added to the beginning of

the second paragraph?

A Obviously, some kinds aremore complicated to make and

operate than others.B Local schools and libraries are

good places to find a string puppet

show being presented.

C Puppets continue to entertain

people of all ages, and we all

remember Pinocchio fondly.

D It might surprise you to know

that puppetry is a very old art

form.

8S-


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I do:

$ -he new mall is

fabulous. :t has agreat food court.

-he food at school is

terrible. -he mall

also has a s&atingrin&. : love ice

s&ating, but it hurts

my an&les.

-his needs revision because it should be praising

the new mall. :nstead it tal&s about other things.

$ -he new mall is

fabulous. :t has agreat food court.

-he mall also has a

terrific s&ating rin&.

-he best revision is to%

3.


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$ 10-here are thousands oftraditional Cuiltingpatterns, many with

names that echo thecountry@s history and thatof the people who createdthem. !0+attern names

may be simple or Cuiteelaborate. "0Somepatterns echo thecountry@s history. #0Some

colorful patterns include% 3be (incoln@s (og 8abin,Dacob@s (adder, loweras&et, -ur&ey -rac&s,

and 8alifornia Rose.

$ Which sentence

would be best to

remove from theparagraph

3.


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What is it called when we ta&e out words or sentences

that are not related to the main topic, are repetitive, or

are overused

Which sentence should be deleted to revise does not

belong0

10(ighthouses are designed to help sailors pilot ships atnight. !0Sailors en*oy the sea. "03 lighthouse is a tower

with a powerful light on top to illuminate the dar&ness.

3.Sentence 1

.Sentence !8.Sentence "

What is something you learned about deleting to revise


13/41

3+4


14/41

+lacing new

words or

sentences to

bridge ideas or

ma&econnections

clear. 3dditions

should ma&e

meanings

clearer orenhance

descriptions

-a&e out

words or

sentences

that are

not related

to the

main

topic, are

repetitive,or are

overused

?se fewer

words that

carry powerful

meaning.

)mit redundancies.

>a&e

your

thoughts

clearer .

8hange

the order

of the

words ABor

sentences.

)rganie

by time,

seCuence,

or logicalorder.

concept

E/% good

nice badfunny big

E/%

-herefore,


E/% e/tremely,

rapidly,gorgeous,

friendly,

generous,

delicious,

carefree

3s&

yourself% :f

: &new

nothing

about thistopic, would

: understand

irst, ne/t,

last, then,

after, before,

conseCuently

R3D


15/41

$ What does adding to revise mean

$ What would you need to do to add to revise10(ighthouses are designed to help sailors pilot in

ships at night.!0 3 lighthouse is a tower with apowerful light on top to illuminate the dar&ness.

3.8ross out sentence !.3dd more details


R3D


16/41

: do

>orse became a painterand wor&ed as an artist

for many years. >orseconstructed his firstprimitive model of atelegraph using a

homemade battery andparts from an old cloc&.

3 2e was well respected as apainter of realistic portraits, andhis wor& is e/hibited atmuseums around the country.

2e lived and painted in 9ew;or& where he founded the9ational 3cademy of


17/41

We do:

$ >etal detecting is often

thought of as something

that older, retiredpeople do. 2owever,

many young people

have ta&en up metal

detecting, too. +eoplewho metal detect have

found coins, old guns,

meteorites, *ewelry, and

even gold nuggets.

-his form of treasure

hunting is rewarding,

good e/ercise, and fun

for people of all ages.

3 -he detector is a long,

stic&li&e ob*ect that can

indicate where metal is

located.


18/41

What is it called when we place new words or

sentences to bridge ideas or ma&e connections clear

777777777777777. Everything was always so much fun

when 3le*andro was around. -he house smelled li&e stuffed

tur&ey, and those special rolls their grandmother had always

made from scratch, golden and fluffy and dripping with butter.

Raul raced his brother, 3le*andro, to the dinner table almost

tripping over randpa@s old and worn wooden cane.

3.Raul was ready for dinner

.Raul was happy that his older brother was home for-han&sgiving.

8.3le*andro was away at college

What is something you learned about adding to revise

3+4


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3+4 L


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3+4 L


21/41

+lacing new

words or

sentences to

bridge ideas or

ma&econnections

clear. 3dditions

should ma&e

meanings

clearer or

enhance

descriptions

-a&e out

words or

sentences

that arenot related

to the

main

topic, are

repetitive,or are

overused

?se fewer

words that

carry powerful

meaning.

)mit redundancies.

>a&e

your

thoughts

clearer .

8hange

the order

of the

words ABor

sentences.

)rganie

by time,

seCuence,

or logicalorder.

concept

E/% good

nice badfunny big

E/%

-herefore,


E/% e/tremely,

rapidly,gorgeous,

friendly,

generous,

delicious,

carefree

3s& yourself%

:f : &new

nothing

about this

topic, would : understand

irst, ne/t,

last, then,

after, before,

conseCuently

R3D


22/41

$ What does consolidating to revise mean

$ Read the following sentences.utterflies and moths are winged insects. utterflies and

moths ma&e up the order Lepidoptera.

Which sentence is an e/ample of consolidating to revise

3.utterflies and moths are winged insects.

.utterflies and moths are both winged insects thatbelong to the order Lepidoptera.


R3D

Whi h f th l di h


23/41

Which of these concluding paragraphs

show revision for consolidation

:n this paper : havewritten to e/plain whyclassic 3merican carsfrom the 1M5Is and1M6Is are still populartoday. (oo& for 8lassic

3merican cars from the

1M5Is and 1M6Is on theroad and see if youagree with what : havewritten.

8ars with finsK 8arswith grills in front thatdepict deepseamonstersK ;es, the1M5Is and 1M6Iswere a time ofe/citing vehicles. :t

is no wonder thathundreds of themhave becomeclassics.

3


24/41

We do%Which of these concluding paragraphs

show revision for consolidationSaliva in the insect@s

mouth &eeps the

blood flowingsmoothly so that the

mosCuito can get all

that it needs. -his

saliva is the liCuidthat causes a bump

or welt to form.

: am going to tell you

about mosCuito saliva.

-he saliva in themosCuito@s mouth

&eeps the blood flowing

smoothly so that the

mosCuito can get allthat it needs. : did not

&now that is what the

saliva was used for.

3


25/41

What is it called when we use fewer words that carry

powerful meaning and omit redundancies

3. : am going to tell you why hummingbirds are interesting

birds. -hey can fly up to 6I miles per hour. -heir wings

move at a rate of 5I to J5 beats per second.

. 2ummingbirds are amaing creaturesK -heir wings move

at a rate of 5I to J5 beats per second, allowing them to

fly up to 6I miles per hour.

What is something you learned about consolidating torevise

3+4 L


26/41

ay

We learned that when we consolidate to revise we use

fewer words that carry powerful meaning and omit

redundancies.

ran& enrolled in a pottery class and ran& did this

after he too& a basic art class.

3. 3 pottery class is what ran& enrolled in after ran&too& a basic art class.

. 3fter ran& too& a basic art class, he enrolled in a

pottery class.

-eacher : do

We do

(ucy as&ed Robert to help install the boo&shelf. :t was afterthey had lunch.

3. 3fter lunch, (ucy as&ed Robert to help install the boo&shelf.

. 2elping to install the boo&shelf is what (ucy as&ed him, it

was after they had lunch.

concept


27/41

+lacing new

words or

sentences to

bridge ideas or

ma&econnections

clear. 3dditions

should ma&e

meanings

clearer or

enhance

descriptions

-a&e out

words or

sentences

that arenot related

to the

main

topic, are

repetitive,or are

overused

?se fewer

words that

carry powerful

meaning.

)mit redundancies.

>a&e

your

thoughts

clearer .

8hange

the order

of the

words ABor

sentences.

)rganie

by time,

seCuence,

or logicalorder.

concept

E/% good

nice badfunny big

E/%

-herefore,


E/% e/tremely,

rapidly,gorgeous,

friendly,

generous,

delicious,

carefree

3s& yourself%

:f : &new

nothing

about this


irst, ne/t,

last, then,

after, before,

conseCuently

R3D


28/41

$ What does clarifying to revise mean

$ Which is an e/ample of a sentence that hasbeen clarified 3. -he children are going there this afternoon.

. Sonya and Ric&y are going to >c


29/41

I do: What sentence could be

added to clarify the passageor a long time scientists

wondered where

comets came from.

-oday, most scientistsbelieve that comets

come from an unseen

cloud of particles called

the )ort cloud. -hiscloud probably

surrounds our solar

system.

a0 8omets are pretty.

b0 -he cloud may

contain between 1Iand 1II trillion

comets.

c0 Edmund 2alley

studied comets.d0 +eople are fascinated

by comets.


30/41

We do% What sentence could be

added to clarify the passageor many years, post

roads were used

mainly by mail riders

and a few travelers.

Some wagons and

carts owned by

farmers and merchants

who shipped goodswent along the bumpy

roads too.

a0 y 1J!!, the oston post

roads were made smooth

and safe enough for

stagecoaches.

b0 9ative 3mericans made

their own roads many years

before.

c0 3nimals made trailsthrough the plains.

d0 radually trail were made

wider as trees were

chopped down.


31/41

What is it called when we ma&e our thoughts clearer

3. : am going to tell you why hummingbirds are interesting

birds. -hey can fly up to 6I miles per hour. -heir wings

move at a rate of 5I to J5 beats per second.

. 2ummingbirds are amaing creaturesK -heir wings move

at a rate of 5I to J5 beats per second, allowing them to

fly up to 6I miles per hour.

What is something you learned about clarifying torevise

8losure

3+4 L


32/41

We learned that when we clarify we ma&e our thoughts

clearer .

3. 4ate ate a peanut butter sandwich and potato chips

for lunch.

. She ate her favorite foods for lunch.

-eacher : do

We do

3. 2e read a boo& under the tall tree.

. Duan read Diary of a Wimpy Kid under the oa& tree.

Which sentence has been clarified

concept


33/41

+lacing new

words or

sentences to

bridge ideas or

ma&econnections

clear. 3dditions

should ma&e

meanings

clearer or

enhance

descriptions

-a&e out

words or

sentences

that are

not related

to the

main

topic, are

repetitive,or are

overused

?se fewer

words that

carry powerful

meaning.

)mit redundancies.

>a&e

your

thoughts

clearer .

8hange

the order

of the

words ABor

sentences.

)rganie

by time,

seCuence,

or logicalorder.

concept

E/% good

nice badfunny big

E/%

-herefore,


E/% e/tremely,

rapidly,gorgeous,

friendly,

generous,

delicious,

carefree

3s& yourself%

:f : &new

nothing

about this


irst, ne/t,

last, then,

after, before,

conseCuently

R3D


34/41

$ What does rearranging to revise mean

10ove sentence ! to the end of the paragraph.


R3D


35/41

$ 10-he motion of ahummingbird@s wings isso fast that you can@t

see them. !0 -heirwings loo& delicate, butthey@re amainglystrong. "0 3hummingbird@s moving

wings can be a blur.#0:n addition, theirsound ma&es the birdseasier to locate.

$ Which sentence

could best be moved

to the beginning of

this paragraph

3 (eave as is

Sentence !

8 Sentence "

< Sentence #

Will rearranging these

sentences to revise

improve this

paragraph

I do:


36/41

$ 103n old house leaned

against trees, and a barn

loomed behind it. !0?pon

closer inspection, we founda cistern on the east side of

the house and a

smo&ehouse in front. "0We

had stumbled upon a

forgotten old homestead.

#0We wal&ed around, trying

to get a better loo& at the

yard.

$ Which sentence

could best be moved

to the beginning of

this paragraph

3 (eave as is

Sentence !

8 Sentence "

< Sentence #

We do%


37/41

What is it called when we change the order of the

words ABor sentences or organie by time, seCuence,

or logical order

Which sentence can be moved the beginning of the

paragraph

3. Sentence !

. Sentence "8. (eave as is.

What is something you learned about rearranging to

revise

8losure

10 -here are beautiful red and yellow leaves covering the

ground. !0 3utumn is a great time of year to go for a wal&. "0

-he air is crisp and cool in your face.

8losure


38/41

$ What is improving the content and

organiation of your writing called

$ 9ame and e/plain one of the aspects of

revision we have learned.

$ Why is revision important

8losure


39/41

add delete consolidate clarify rearrange

Revising your writing

:ndependent +ractice

?se the Wee&ly Standards Reviewpages 5I5" and your tree map to do the

following e/ercises%

+age 5I% N" and N#

+age 51% N1 and N!

+age 5!% N"

+age 5"% N1


40/41

Student cloe wor&sheet concept


41/41

+lacing 777

words or

sentences to

777777ideas or

ma&econnections

clear. 3dditions

should ma&e

meanings

7777777 or

enhance

descriptions

-a&e 7777

words or

sentences

that are 777

7777777 tothe main

topic, are

77777777,

or are

77777777

?se 77777

words that

carry 7777777

meaning.

77777777redundancies.

>a&e

your

thoughts

7777777.

8hange

the 77777

of the

words ABorsentences.

77777777

by time,

seCuence,

or logicalorder.

E/% good

nice bad

E/%

-herefore,

th l i

E/% e/tremely,

rapidly,gorgeous,

friendly,

generous,

delicious,

f

3s& yourself%

:f : &new

nothing

about this


irst, ne/t,

last, then,

after, before,

tl

6thws1_6editandrevise

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