7 lessons my grand-dogger taught me

8/8/2019 7 Lessons My Grand-Dogger Taught Me

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7 Lessons My Grand-Dogger Taught MeAbout Aging

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7 Lessons My Grand-Dogger Taught Me About Aging

Jed Diamond, Ph.D. has been a health-care professional for the last 45 years.

He is the author of 9 books, including Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places,Male Menopause, The Irritable Male Syndrome,andMr. Mean: Saving YourRelationship from the Irritable Male Syndrome. He offers counseling to men,women, and couples in his office in California or by phone with people throughoutthe U.S. and around the world. To receive a Free E-book on Mens Health and afree subscription to Jeds e-newsletter go to www.MenAlive.com. If you enjoy myarticles, please subscribe. I write to everyone who joins my Scribd team.

Raider was my Grand-dogger, which is an unusual and complicatedrelationship, so let me explain. Shortly after my wife, Carlin, and I moved fromthe Big City to the country, our god-daughter, Antonia bought the property next

to ours and built her own yurt. To keep her company she brought her dogRaider. When she arrived, Raider was a playful pup. Over the years, shematured into a playful and fun-loving adult, got old, and finally died at age 15.

Carlin and I enjoyed the wild animals that lived in and around our propertydeer, bobcats, bears, mountain lions, and a host of other characters. Unlikemost of our neighbors, we decided not to have dogs, which would scare away thewild life. We put up with the bears knocking down our fences periodically to getat our fruit trees and we enjoyed getting glimpses of the other animals.

However, we enjoyed baby-sitting for Raider when Antonia wanted to get

away for a few days and we became grandparents to this very special being.She became our grand-dogger. Over the years I learned a lot from Raider.Since she passed away last year, Ive been thinking about her more often. Hereare some of the lessons she has taught me about aging.

1. Dont worry. Everyone gets older.

I often find myself worrying about getting older. I notice new aches and painsand watch my sex drive go up and down like a roller-coaster. Performance of allkinds is more difficult and I worry about losing everything.

Raider, on the other hand, does not seem to worry about aging. She clearlynotices that she is getting on in years, but hey, she seems to say, thats justlife, nothing to worry about.
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2. When you can, play like a youngster. When you cant, relax in the sun.

I used to play all the time. I loved sports and got great pleasure out of a hotand heavy game of basketball, football, or baseball. I can still play, but it makesme mad that I cant play like I used to play. I often feel slow, fat, and clumsy.

Raider spends a lot more time relaxing in the sun. I try to get her to walk andchase balls like she used to do so often. But lately, she just wants to sleep a lot.I must say, she looks very content and doesnt seem to chastise herself for herlack of game.

But, out of the blue, on some days she seems like a pup again. She boundsaround, races through the forest. I cant keep up with her. Where does she getthat energy? Who knows? But when its there, its there. When its not, whocares?

3. Kisses and touches are forever.

OK, I admit it, as Ive gotten older, I seem to need to be touched and kissedmore often. Sometimes I feel like a little kid chasing my wife around, wagging mytail, hoping for a pat on the head. She thinks I want sex (OK, I usually do), butwhat I really want is to be touched, kissed, and appreciated. But, I feel a littlefoolish. Should I really be this needy at age 66?

Raider has no such problem. She snuggles up for touches anytime,anywhere. She kisses my hands and anything else she can wrap her tonguearound. She understands that we never outgrow the need to be touched and

kissed.

4. Theres no shame in asking for help.

As Ive gotten older, there are things I cant do by myself. I need help splittingwood and hefting equipment into my car to get fixed in town. There are ahundred things, big and small, that I could use help with. But I have troubleasking. I cant tell you how many times Ive strained my back because I insistedI could do it myself. Hey, Im not that old. I can do this. No sweat, I would sayto myself, just before I scream obscenities when the pain grabs me.

Raider has no problem asking for help. When her hips were giving out andshe needed help getting into the car, she would look over her shoulder and giveme that look. I could use a hand here. Could you give me a boost? No shameat all. Help is expected and appreciated.


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5. Theres no reason to get irritable, aging is a privilege.

As Ive gotten older, Ive gotten grumpier, more grouchy, and irritable. Littleand big things bother me more. There are days that it seems that everyone is

out to make my life more stressful. Do you really have to get on my very lastnerve? I fight aging and the infirmities it brings. Ive even written a book calledThe Irritable Male Syndrome.

Raider does not fight aging. Ive never seen her get irritable (though Im sureshe has her days). She lives every day, every minute, right here and right now.Hey, look, Im alive. I have another day to see the sunshine. She doesntcomplain. She doesnt bitch. She doesnt moan (OK she does moan now andagain, but shes either moaning out of pleasure or when something really hurts).

6. Whenever possible, go for a walk in nature with a friend.

I grew up in big cities. I was born in New York, raised in Los Angeles, andspent most of my adult life in and around San Francisco. A walk in natureusually meant a quick ten minute race through a park. When I was diagnosedwith a rare adrenal tumor (adrenal, adrenaline, slow down, I get it), we moved toWillits, a small town in Northern California, and bought a house on 22 acres ofland.

For a city kid, everything about living in the country scared me. I worriedabout bugs, bears, and birds (yes, really! I still had visions of Hitchcocks birdsattacking me out of the blue).

Raider taught me the joys of walking in nature. She was never afraid and shegave me the courage to get out see the world. The biologist, Paul Shepard, saidthere is something unhealthy about being surrounded by things made byhumans. He said, its a kind of intra-species incest, and produces geneticgoofies.

When Raider and I take walks around here, 95% of everything we see, hear,and touch; are nature made, not man made. Believe me, Raider will neverbecome a genetic goofy and every day she teaches me to be the kind of manwho is comfortable in nature.

7. In the beginning and in the end, its all about love.

In the hustle and bustle of life, its easy to forget about what is truly important.I think a lot about earning enough money to pay the bills. I wonder about thestate of the world and whether global warming is going to melt all the icebergs,change the climate, and make living on Earth more and more challenging foreveryone. Im concerned about peak everything, as author Richard Heinberg


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describes the peaking of fossil fuels, the loss of bio-diversity, and decreasingwater and food supplies.

I sense that Raider is also aware of the changes going on with theenvironment, but she doesnt worry about them. She is much more attuned to

nature than I will ever be and her ecological footprint is light and playful, eventhough shes got 4 compared to my 2.

She came into the world full of love, expressed it throughout her life, and keptit flowing as she got older. Raider taught me that love is really all that lasts and itwill last forever. She was, is, and always will be my hero. I miss her a lot. I willdo my best to age as gracefully as she did and love right up to the end and as farbeyond as memories last.

7 lessons my grand-dogger taught me

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