98 Chapter 5 ■ Healthy Relationships

Coping with Bullies

Avoiding or ignoring abully is one way to standup for yourself.

Abully is someone who tries to hurt others on pur-pose, not just once but over and over. Bullies canbe boys or girls, big or small, young or old. Bullies

can be found at school, but they can also turn up in otherareas of your life, including in your neighborhood, atwork, and even at home.

There are different reasons why bullies behave badly.Maybe they have low self-esteem and want to make them-selves feel more important. Maybe they think it willimpress their friends. Of course, if you are being bullied,you don’t really care why the bully is a bully; you just wantit to stop.

BBuullllyy BBeehhaavviioorr

Bullies behave badly because it gets them attention.Bullies respond when witnesses laugh by bullying more.They respond when victims cry by bullying more. Someof the things bullies do include:

■ Physically hurting others by tripping, pushing, kick-ing, pinching, or punching

■ Calling people names■ Teasing people about the way they look, the way they

act, or their values■ Excluding someone—leaving someone out■ Spreading rumors■ Stealing or breaking personal belongings■ Using threats or violence to make people do things

they don’t want to do

The more people react, the worse the bullying gets.When you are being bullied, it can make you feel scared,lonely, sad, embarrassed, and even sick. It contributes tostress and depression and interferes with every type ofwellness.

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How to Handle a BullyBullies tend to pick on kids who are smaller,kids who don’t know how to stand up forthemselves, kids who are easily upset, and kidswho don’t have a lot of friends. If you arebeing bullied, you need to take action rightaway.

■ Tell someone! Pick someone you trust suchas a parent, teacher, counselor, or older sib-ling and tell that person what is happening,or write him or her a note. If the first per-son you tell doesn’t help, tell someone else.

■ Avoid the bully as much as you can. Thatdoesn’t mean you have to hide or stay homefrom school. But you might be able to takea different route to class or to walk homeinstead of taking the bus.

■ Refuse to do what the bully says. Say “No” ina loud, clear voice to get the attention ofother people who might stand up for you,and then walk away.

■ Stand up for yourself! Even if you don’t feelbrave, act as if you are.

It’s hard, but you should also try not to react to the bully. Bullies like seeing thatyou are upset, and it might make them bully you even more. You also should trynot to respond with anger or violence, because you’ll probably get hurt, and mightget in trouble.

Remember that you are a good person, with good qualities, and that you deserveto be safe and feel good about yourself. Surround yourself with people who willstand up for you, and let the bullies know you won’t stand for it.

How can you show a bullyyou are brave?

What Happens Next?Gina and Lizzie have been friends since kindergarten. They live on the same block, go to the sameschool, and their birthdays are even in the same month. They have been in the same Girl Scout troopand on the same soccer team for years.

The girls have a small group of close friends with whom they spend most of their free time. They alllike to listen to music, read magazines, and talk about boys. They go to the mall to shop with each other, and they liketo do each other’s hair and nails.

This year they started 8th grade. For the first time, Gina and Lizzie were not in the same classes. One day, Ginanoticed that kids at school were looking at her funny. They whispered when she walked by, and started to laugh. Lizziedid, too. Gina found out that Lizzie was sending around a really funny picture of Gina in a bikini she had taken lastsummer. Gina called Lizzie and asked her to delete the picture. Lizzie laughed and said it was too late. Everyone wasforwarding it, and the whole school would have it soon.

The next day Gina heard that Lizzie was sending around another picture—even worse than the first. Gina was hor-rified and embarrassed.

What problems and choices are facing Gina and Lizzie? What life skills can they use to find solutions and makedecisions? What resources do they have available? Using your 21st Century Skills—such as decision making, goal set-ting, and problem solving—write an ending to the story. Read it to the class, or form a small group and present it as askit.

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100 Chapter 5 ■ Healthy Relationships

Bullies OnlineCyber bullies are bullies who use technology such as the Internet, cell phones, andinteractive gaming devices to hurt others. They might:

■ Send threatening or harassing messages

■ Steal passwords and pretend to be someone else online

■ Use blogs or social networking sites to spread rumors

■ Send private pictures through e-mail or cell phones

■ Create hurtful Web sites

■ Distribute someone else’s personal information

Cyber bullying can be tricky to stop, because it is anonymous and takes place awayfrom school. If you are being cyber-bullied, you can take many of the same stepsyou would take with a face-to-face bully. In fact, it might be easier to not react andto avoid the cyber bully because you are not face to face. It’s pretty easy just todelete a text message or an e-mail without reading it.

You can tell someone you trust right away, but if the cyber bully doesn’t stop, youmay have to report it to the Internet or telephone service provider. If the behavioris illegal, you may have to report it to the police.

Don’t Just Stand ThereSeeing someone being bullied canmake you feel bad, too. Youmight be scared or worried thatthe bully will turn on you, next.How should you act if you seesomeone being bullied?

Laugh.

Join in.

Look down at the groundand sneak away as quietly aspossible.

Speak up and tell the bullyto stop.

Tell a teacher, parent, coun-selor, or older sibling aboutit.

At basketball tryouts, an olderboy started pointing, whispering,and laughing at a skinny kid whowas having trouble dribbling theball. It made you feel uncomfort-able. What could you do?

Many people like to socialize by going to sporting events or talking about games.They often talk about averages when they compare teams or players. An averageis the sum of two or more quantities divided by the number of quantities. Forexample, you can calculate the average number of points a team scores by addingthe points scored in each game and dividing the sum by the number of gamesplayed.

If a basketball team played three games and scored 88 points, 95 points, and 99points, what’s the average number of points per game?

■ First, add up the points: 88 + 95 + 99 = 282

■ Next, divide the sum by the number of games: 282 ÷ 3 = 94

The team is averaging 94 points per game.

If they play another game and score 96 points, what would the average score pergame be?

Hint: Add 96 to 282 and divide by 4.

NUMBERSGAME

““OOhh nnoo!!SShhoouulldd II sshhoowwmmyy ppaarreennttss tthhiiss ee--mmaaiill?? CCaann tthhiissgguuyy rreeaallllyy hhuurrtt

mmee??””

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Asserting YourselfOne positive way to cope with bullies is tobe assertive. Being assertive means thatyou stand up for yourself. You expressyour feelings and thoughts with confi-dence, in a strong, honest, and direct way.When you are assertive, you show othersthat you have the right to:

■ Be treated with respect

■ Say no

■ Ask for what you need

One negative way to cope with bullies is tobe aggressive. Being aggressive means thatyou force your opinions on others. Youexpress your feelings and thoughts in ahostile, or angry, way. When you areaggressive, you show others that you haveno respect for their thoughts or feelings.Bullies are aggressive. If you respond withaggression, you might end up fighting,getting hurt, and getting in trouble.

Standing up for yourselfand others is one way todefeat a bully. What aresome other ways you candeal with a bully?

Job Search

If you enjoy giving people relationship advice andhelping people understand the risks and responsibil-ities of relationships, you might want to look for acareer in counseling. Some types of counselorsinclude marriage counselors, family therapists,

licensed social workers, school counselors, clinical psychologists, andpsychiatrists.

The educational requirements depend on the type of career; forexample, some substance abuse counselors may need only an associ-ate’s degree, while a psychiatrist must be a licensed physician. Usethe Internet, library, or school’s guidance resources to learn moreabout a career in counseling. Write a job description, including theeducational requirements, career pathway, and potential salaryrange.

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