A Contemporary Autobiography of a Science Educator

A Contemporary Autobiography of a Science Educator

Scott D. Robinson University of Hawaii, Mānao

SENSE PUBLISHERS ROTTERDAM / TAIPEI

A C.I.P. record for this book is available from the Library of Congress. ISBN 978-90-8790-576-7 (paperback) ISBN 978-90-8790-577-4 (hardback) ISBN 978-90-8790-578-1 (e-book) Published by: Sense Publishers, P.O. Box 21858, 3001 AW Rotterdam, The Netherlands http://www.sensepublishers.com Printed on acid-free paper All Rights Reserved © 2008 Sense Publishers No part of this work may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, microfilming, recording or otherwise, without written permission from the Publisher, with the exception of any material supplied specifically for the purpose of being entered and executed on a computer system, for exclusive use by the purchaser of the work.

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CONTENTS

Preface..................................................................................................................... vii Acknowledgements ...................................................................................................ix Introduction ...............................................................................................................xi 1 Background ............................................................................................................1 Story and Narrative................................................................................................3 Methods/Methodology/Research Topics and Questions.......................................5 Significance of Autobiography in Science Teacher Education.............................8 2 Youth Conservation Corps...................................................................................11 Drinking from a Canteen .....................................................................................14 Felling a Tree.......................................................................................................16 3 Kent State .............................................................................................................25 Running ...............................................................................................................25 Sneaking into Chem Lab .....................................................................................29 Good Night ..........................................................................................................32 Salt .......................................................................................................................36 4 Teacher Education................................................................................................39 Worksheet Queen ................................................................................................40 Student Teaching .................................................................................................46 5 Beginning Teaching .............................................................................................53 Mousetrap Cars....................................................................................................55 General Science ...................................................................................................60 Kite Flying...........................................................................................................61 Book by Its Cover................................................................................................64 6 Reflections and Implications................................................................................67 Diversity and Leadership.....................................................................................67 Group Identity and Motivation............................................................................69 Urban Teaching and Teacher Preparation ...........................................................72 Science Teaching.................................................................................................75 7 Final Reflections .................................................................................................81 Identity.................................................................................................................81 Teaching and Learning ........................................................................................84 Conclusions .........................................................................................................89 References ................................................................................................................93

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PREFACE

If there is one truth that I have discovered in my life it is that everyone (and I mean, everyone) has a story, and every individual’s story is uniquely and intricately tied to one’s lifetime quest in search of both one’s personal and professional identity. Perhaps no other journey of self-discovery is more painstaking and yet simultaneously capable of offering up greater rewards than that journey which leads us to answer the deepest and most profound question of our humanity, and that is the question of “Who Am I?” Socrates observation that “the unexamined life is not worth living” and his admonishment to ‘Know Thyself’ were not idealistic platitudes but rather a manifestation of wisdom which recognized that self-reflection and introspection are prerequisites to living awakened, conscious, and thereby more meaningful and fulfilled lives. I can recall, while still in graduate school, listening to veteran teachers speak about their classes and what was immediately apparent to me was either the presence of, or lack of enthusiasm for what they were doing with their professional lives. As time went on, I came to recognize that what really separated those who loved their work from those who simply made their morning trek to another day of drudgery was the presence or absence of a ‘philosophical identity’ regarding who they were and whether or not they were in possession of a sense of mission and purpose regarding their life’s work. Those who “knew themselves” in their work couldn’t wait to get up in the morning, and those who had not ventured to look inward were sadly, for both themselves and even more regrettably their students, simply counting the days to retirement. In his latest book, Autobiography, Identity, and the Teaching and Learning of Science, Dr. Scott Robinson reminds us that the art of teaching is a profound one because, as he makes undeniably clear, teachers are not just automatons spewing facts dictated by a curriculum, but are indeed complex, feeling, emotional, and social beings – just like the students who sit before them each day. Though scientists are often stereotyped as men and women in white lab coats who distance themselves from emotionality by focusing on matters of the intellect and pursuit of the ‘truth’, Dr. Robinson turns that stereotype upside down by revealing the deepest and most personal dimensions of his journey in search of his own identity. He reminds all of us who teach that ultimately we teach who we are, and it is only by virtue of a lifetime of unyielding introspection that we can and will continue to grow in our mission to inspire others. By sharing his autobiography, and by unveiling his vulnerabilities as both a human being and a teacher, Dr. Robinson opens a portal to his reader by which one can use his life story as a backdrop for evaluating one’s own identity, sense of purpose, and calling to what I believe is the noblest of all professions – the art of teaching. John Perricone (author of Zen and the Art of Public School Teaching)

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

I am grateful that colleagues within the Department of Education and Human Development and administrators at SUNY Brockport supported my sabbatical so I could write this book. Peter Veronesi, science educator, offered a critique that helped me focus my thinking. John Perricone reviewed the manuscript and wrote the preface. His philosophy of high school teaching is a lucid reminder that teaching is an inspired, autobiographical act.

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INTRODUCTION

Who we are and come to be as teachers and teacher-educators is a reflection of a complex, ongoing process of interaction and interpretation of elements, conditions, opportunities, and events that take place throughout our lives in all realms of our existence—the intellectual, physical, psychological, spiritual, political, and social.

Ardra L. Cole & J. Gary Knowles (2000)

This autobiography examines the intersection of identity and teaching. It is a reflective gaze into my past as a prospective and practicing high school science teacher as well as an indicator of who I might become as a science teacher educator. My goal is to interpret experience so identity becomes salient as I explore tensions in my personal and professional life. Another goal is generating reflection among readers as they consider their own life stories and identities in light of what they do in classrooms and who they are as science educators. It is not my intent to offer generalized results in this qualitative self-study that might predict the behaviors of others, nor do I wish to prescribe a particular way of knowing and being. Like Sergiovanni (1999), my experience suggests that teachers may use research to inform their practice, but they seldom accept it as a set of prescriptions for what they should and should not do in classrooms. In my role as a science teacher educator, I have learned that college students preparing to enter the secondary science classroom often have entrenched beliefs regarding effective science instruction that are resistant to change. These beliefs can be out-of-step with the present day reality of teaching in diverse classrooms including those containing students with special needs and those whose first language is not English. Not only is the nature of the learner always changing but the emphasis on the kind of science to be taught has changed too. Standards-based educational reforms propose that teachers include science as a way of knowing and investigating. Didactic forms of teacher-centered instruction meant to imprint many science facts into the memories of students has given way to a more student-centered approach whereby students are offered opportunities to apply clear, rational thinking to solve problems scientifically. Helping prospective and practicing science teachers construct themselves as classroom learning leaders may be promoted by having them describe and interpret their current and former selves in anticipation of who they wish to become. Cole and Knowles suggest that “knowing ourselves as persons is very much part of knowing ourselves as professionals. The better we understand ourselves as teachers, the better we understand ourselves as persons, and vice versa” (2000, p. 15). To borrow from the quote that opens this Introduction, prospective and practicing science teachers and science teacher educators need to narrate and interpret their own life stories to reveal who they are in light of their personal and professional goals and commitments.

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Consensus exists among many science teacher educators, policy makers, and researchers that K-12 teachers are central in attaining standards-based science education reforms (Bybee, 1993; National Research Council, 2001; NSTA, 2004; Stronge, 2002). Science teachers, however, are more than mere repositories of scientific knowledge or compliant practitioners toeing the line of local, state, and national education standards (National Research Council, 1996; New York State Board of Regents, 1998). They are individuals with unique identities composed of attitudes, beliefs, and values regarding how to best foster science literacy among their students. Constructing and interpreting educational autobiographies can put teachers in touch with their own developing identities. This kind of self-knowledge can build their confidence, competence, and efficacy in the classroom (Schon, 1983; Stronge). Many science teacher candidates do not seriously consider their reasons for entering the profession nor do they examine the social context in which their professional identities have emerged. Identity, as used here, is a pattern of actions and beliefs regarding the teaching and learning of high school science. If there is a lack of fit between identity and the requisite knowledge and skills needed in the local classroom context, teachers may be fired, asked to resign, chose to quit, or plod along in unfulfilling careers. Due to increased student enrollments, surging teacher retirements, and resignations of promising beginning teachers, science teacher educators need to help prospective and practicing teachers understand who they are and can become to achieve success in their schools. Examining why prospective science teachers choose teaching careers reveals their idealized occupational identities and offers insights into why they leave the profession prematurely. Few prospective or practicing science teachers seriously consider their identities when selecting their vocation. Prospective science teachers may be asked to reflect on their reasons for entering the profession when writing an autobiographical essay for admission into a teacher education program, completing an application for student teaching, or filling-out a job application for a teaching position. Although these kinds of writing-on-demand exercises may generate vignettes exploring personal interest, motivation, and educational experiences, the exercises are meant to convince others rather than produce reflexive inquiries on critical life events that frame candidates’ worldviews on teaching and learning. Reflexive inquiry examines motive and interest in the social context from which actions and thoughts evolve and operate. Many prospective science teachers have naïve conceptions of the complex social dynamics of science classrooms due to their limited experience as learning leaders. Writing an educational autobiography and reading the autobiographies of other prospective and practicing teachers may help candidates understand their own motives for teaching science. This understanding may give them alternative ways of knowing and being that may be incorporated into their own professional identities. In Autobiostories Promoting Emotional Insights into the Teaching and Learning of Secondary Science (2002), I offered classroom stories and interpretations addressing what Goleman (1995) described as emotional literacy. Emotional

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literacy is a way of knowing and being premised on care and empathy in educational contexts. According to Gazzard (2002):

Working from Goleman’s definition, the popular conception of emotional intelligence could be described as the ability to know what one is feeling and communicate it appropriately, together with the ability to get along with other people, to be able to read others’ feelings well and responds appropriately. (p. 21)

Empathy and care are two essential dispositions for the development of highly qualified teachers who can help students reach their learning potentials (Goleman, 1995; Noddings, 1992). Just as knowing academic content and applying pedagogical content knowledge are essential for effective science instruction so is emotional literacy. Autobiostories was a fictional autobiography—or creative nonfiction—where I responded imaginatively to classroom events based on my prior experiences as a science student, science teacher, and science teacher educator. The current school accountability reform called the No Child Left Behind Act [NCLB] (Peterson & West, 2003) with its emphasis on compulsory standardized testing minimizes the significance of emotional literacy. The same can be said of the National Science Education Standards that limits emotional literacy to the idea that classrooms contain communities of learners who “require careful support from skillful teachers” (National Research Council, 1996, p. 50). In New York, the State Board of Regents (1988) recommends teachers be of sound moral character. These national and state educational reform initiatives fall short of promoting emotional literacy since one can be of good moral character and support students without possessing the ability to care and empathize with them in a way that generates learning. To address this lacuna in the standards-based reforms, I became the main protagonist in emotionally charged classroom dramas and interpreted science content and process from the perspective of a middle and a high school student. Psychological, social, and cultural forces interfaced with ethical and moral considerations as I interpreted the science curricula. While Autobiostories addressed emotional and scientific literacy from the perspective of a secondary student, now I analyze why I decided to teach science and why I left the high school classroom after only a few years of teaching. The book before you is comprised of contemporary autobiography rather than fictional narratives with autobiographical elements. In this effort, I am traveling further along the route of self-discovery by gauging the winds and currents of the meanings constructed from experience. Autobiography is a reflexive narrative; it is a kind of confessional writing that may take the form of traditional memoirs, diaries, journals, or a host of other more contemporary genres whereby authors struggle with meaning in their lives (Egan, 1999). Not only can autobiography serve as a historical narrative but also a methodology—an inquiry into the very meaning of human existence. In this light, autobiography is seen both as a way of representing truth and a means of making experience salient. Self-understanding generated through autobiographical narrative

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writing can be used to guide an evolving identity in a way that promotes agency and efficacy. As readers encounter story narratives in this book, they, like me, may come to better understand themselves—their identities—in the personal and professional contexts in which they live their lives. Storytelling is a viable tool in qualitative educational research (Clandinin & Connelly, 1994; Geelan, 2003). Storied accounts of students and teachers in both formal and informal learning contexts promote critical reflection serving as a narrative inquiry into human experience. Stories of science teaching and learning: a) link purpose, intention, and action; b) entertain, energize, and educate those receptive to self-improvement; and c) reveal the knowledge, context, and identity of the author. Autobiography may be especially useful in addressing the latter (Jalongo & Isenberg, 1995). In this reflexive inquiry, I inspect the mirror’s image with the goal of producing an identity from my pre-undergraduate days to my short-lived career as a high school science teacher. Stories in this book are based on narrative, description, and dialogue from my recalled past. While writing this manuscript, I did not set out to fit a story into a particular plot line. However, I have discovered that story plots reproduced classic narrative themes (tragedy, comedy, irony, and romance) within contemporary educative contexts. Data consisted of the narrative itself. Although readers bring their own unique perspectives in interpreting stories, I offer an interpretation of my own actions and suggest how science teacher educators may enhance the professional development of prospective and practicing teachers based on what I have done and learned. Teacher educators, science or otherwise, may find this book helpful in assisting prospective and practicing teachers since it models educational autobiography premised on universal story themes highlighting the ups and downs of teaching. Teachers can use this knowledge to comprehend constraining and liberating psychological and social forces leading to identity development and to the construction of an occupational identity within a given social context. Teacher educators may wish to use this book to model authentic inquiries into their own life histories and the life histories of their teacher candidates. Readers may discover that the stories found here spark reflection into their own educational stories. A benefit of this kind of reflection is that it serves to catalyze reflexive inquiry and teachers become conscious of their knowledge, skills, and dispositions for teaching. This self-understanding can be used to understand self and their practice (Roth, 2005). Educational autobiography used in this way develops teacher voice that is often silent in educational reform documents (Goodson, 1992). When science teachers look inward and voice their evolving personal/professional identities, they better understand their agency in classroom contexts. If the fundamental goal of science education is in creating a scientific literate citizenry, all teachers of science must become aware of themselves as persons who educate. Writing and reading autobiographies, like this one, enable science educators to begin the process of self-discovery and understanding that they teach not only science but who they are.

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CHAPTER 1

BACKGROUND

The realization of self as a narrative in process serves to gather together what one has been, in order to imagine what one will be, and to judge whether this is what one wants to become.

Donald E. Polkinghorne (1988)

Traditional autobiography has long been a nonfiction genre of telling one’s own life story that is both subjective and immediate (Eakin, 1991, 1999; Egan, 1999; Pinar, 1994). Contemporary autobiography is an imaginative invention of self for the purpose of not only describing a verifiable historical narrative but also examining what I have been, what I am, and what I may become as noted in the opening quote by Polkinghorne. In Pinar’s words, “To recognize that one cannot escape oneself, and that one must confront one’s own past in order to hope to grasp the present and influence the future, one engages in autobiographical work” (p. 57). Understanding self and other is a fundamental goal of self-reflective narratives like this autobiography. Readers may envision the pages of this book as 2-way mirrors allowing a simultaneous view of their own reflection in the text and my image behind it. Although a definitive autobiography (or biography for that matter) is improbable (Bruner & Kalmar, 1998), I set out to offer a subjective interpretation of human agency (action and intention) that is authentic and coherent. Contemporary autobiographers are capable of recreating themselves in many different ways depending on their current interpretation of life experiences. Their evolving identities are subject to psychological and environmental factors that pressure and force consistency and change. Bullough and Gitlin note: “Writing an educational autobiography brings with it the realization that there is no single authoritative story line—the text evolves over time and in response to changing conditions and understandings” (1995, p. 26). This ambiguity results from shifting intentions, purposes, and goals in the course of a life. For example, does the autobiographer wish to portray a villain’s defeat as in classic tales or to suffer personal loss? Is it to satirize ambition and power in this fleeting, temporal existence, or to deliver the promise of love fulfilled? Comedy, tragedy, irony, and romance are the common story themes of the human narrative throughout recorded time. These themes are repeated in the lives of prospective and practicing science teachers and the educators who teach them. Interpreting identity offers prospective and practicing science teachers a critical self-awareness related to their decision to pursue careers in science education. They may also attain insights into the social context in which their own stories of teaching and learning are embedded. Writing educational autobiographies is an

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examination into prior actions in the social context in which actions occurred. Autobiographies may be used to make salient the methodological, epistemological, and ontological commitments of science teachers while offering fresh insights on their own agency. “The craft of autobiography, can soar, and from the heights, discern new landscapes, new configurations, especially those excluded by proclamations of Government, State, and School” (Pinar, 1988, p. 27). For these reasons, autobiography is a reflexive tool for both prospective and practicing teachers as they interpret their own identities in the context of their chosen vocation. Ricoeur wrote that “time becomes human to the extent that it is articulated through a narrative mode, and narrative attains its full meaning when it becomes a condition of temporal existence” (1984, p. 3). Narrative understanding is the overarching goal of those who write contemporary autobiography. With this goal in mind, stories incorporated in this book may leave readers with more questions about their own stories than answers about the stories contained in it. Rather than resolving personal crises, conquering demons, pursuing retribution, or seeking atonement, this book invites readers to enter into a discourse that positions them in an enlightened and critical relationship with the text and themselves. To begin this reflexive, holistic inquiry, it will be helpful to define speech, language, and text based on how they will be used. Wortham notes, “Speech is in part a (monologic) word, the represented content typically carried by the word. Speech is also a word about a word” (2001, p. 21). As such, it is used to position the speaker in the context of how words have been uttered in the past, and it will influence future communication. Speech is a construction that communicates meanings in a temporal context that positions the parties involved in the discourse. Language is monologic since it does not account for the temporal interactive context. Text is the meaning constructed in discourse rather than mere words, punctuation, or other symbols marking the page. It positions readers and authors based on prior speech. The same can be said of other forms of human expression represented in media such as the visual arts. For example, an observer may view the contemporary Edwin Hopper painting of a man seated alone at a diner but the text—the underlying meaning—is the irony of human isolation and loneliness in urban modernity. Autobiography is a nonfiction collection of subjective truths as the author depicts certain elements of a life-story while consciously or unconsciously ignoring others. Bakhtin (1986) notes that autobiographical writing involves objectifying oneself in the form of an image similar to an artist sketching a self-portrait. He bifurcates the autobiographer into the pure author and the author as person. “One can speak of a pure author,” Bakhtin writes, “as distinct from a partially depicted, designated author who enters as part of the work” (p. 109). From this perspective, the author as person is present in the text whereas the pure author lies beyond depiction (Lejeune, 1988). In relation to the pure author, there is non-conceptual reality that lies beyond the text (Pinar, 1994). Autobiographical writing is more than reifying one’s own state of affairs by recalling past events. It aims to construct identity from experience. Pinar suggests that autobiography “is important to us not

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as a genre of literature, but as a form of consciousness” (p. 45). Wortham (2001) adds that autobiography can simultaneously represent and construct identity. In this inquiry, identity is defined as a higher-order consciousness from which a narrative text has been constructed. Edelman (2004) helps us understand that there are two kinds of consciousness: primary and higher-order. He writes: “Primary consciousness is the state of being mentally aware of things in the world, of having mental images in the present” (p. 9). Primary consciousness is a precondition and quite possibly an evolutionary precursor for higher-order consciousness. In contrast, higher-order consciousness is the ability to be metacognitive. It requires semantics in creating systems of symbols otherwise known as language. Whereas primary consciousness is an awareness of the present, higher-order consciousness can recall the past in considering future possibilities. The temporal narrative of human existence evolved out of the neurological ability to reflect on the past in the light of present conditions with the intent of framing future action. Accordingly, human identity is rooted in higher-order consciousness. Self-reflection is the lifeblood of this book, but this is more than recalling past actions and interactions. Rather, it is memory serving to examine one’s own identity in relation to the science teaching context. Science teachers are not isolated in time from their actions and interactions shaping their social context. They are cultural products whether cognizant of it or not (Geertz, 1973). Self-reflection may serve to identify the cultural context in which memories are embedded. This book may be considered a guide for prospective and practicing science teachers as they examine their own actions and identities in the cultural context of their classrooms. My hope is to help prospective, practicing, and former science teachers understand teaching in the psychosocial context in which they frame their vocations and their identities. This form of self and social understanding are at the heart of educational reforms meant to create highly qualified science teachers who can foster scientific literacy for all.

STORY AND NARRATIVE

A story in the most basic sense is a narrative occurring over a period of time (Berger, 1997). The story genre is autobiography in contrast with other forms of written narrative like poetry, short story, novella, novel, fairy tale, or comic strip. Narrative may also take other forms of expression through such media as dance, cinema, conversation, and even stained glass windows. Story narratives are based on a central problem, tension, or trouble to overcome. Bruner (1996) adds, “a ‘story’ (fictional or actual) involves an Agent who Acts to achieve a Goal in a recognizable Setting by the use of certain Means. What drives the story, what makes it worth telling, is Trouble: some misfit between Agents, Acts, Goals, Settings, and Means” (p. 94). Efforts to solve the problem, resolve the tension, or fix the trouble guides plot development. Plot is merely the means (actions and thoughts sometimes called agency) whereby the protagonist (agent) seeks to attain a desired end (the resolution of the tension). Story narratives are not only a mode of representing temporal experience but also a method of making meaning. Story is

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a medium out of which a text is created in the mind of the listener/reader who encounters the author’s discourse (Bakhtin, 1986). According to Richardson (1990), “Narrative displays the goals and intentions of human actors; makes individuals, cultures, societies, and historical epochs comprehensible as wholes; humanizes time; allows us to contemplate the effects of our actions and to alter the directions of our lives” (p. 20). Narratives are the interpretation of storied text with the power of not only creating personal identity but also reforming social institutions. This was the case in the public and political response to Upton Sinclair’s novel The Jungle (1906/2003) that exposed the ghastly working conditions in the Chicago meatpacking industry in the early twentieth century. Vivid accounts of the plight of immigrant laborers were instrumental in reforming the industry. An example of the power of reporting scientific data through an impassioned, aesthetic eye can be seen in the publication of Silent Spring (Carson, 1962). Here, Rachel Carson described the poisoning of the environment through the misapplication of chemical pesticides. “If our stories are to help us reform institutions or build new communities,” Florio-Ruane (2001) notes, “we need to be willing to reinvent them, repeatedly and in the company of others, embracing rather than defending ourselves from contact” (p. 150). Accordingly, science teachers and science teacher educators need to share their educational stories with one another to help create an authentic sense of classroom conditions to base meaningful educational reforms. Narrative in the form of classroom stories has the potential of reforming social institutions like schools including those involved in teacher preparation. This book aims to this potential as it offers a perspective on my own identity as a prospective and practicing science teacher. Another goal is to illustrate the strengths and weaknesses of science teacher education programs that I encountered. An examination is necessary in this time of science teacher turnover with many promising new science teachers leaving the profession (Ingersoll, 2003). The high rate of turnover among beginning science teachers isn’t simply the result of unmotivated students, poor administrative support, and low teacher pay. Rather it is a mismatch of the aptitudes, interests, and expectations of new teachers and the demands of the profession. Making sense of science teacher turnover goes beyond examining job factors external to the individual. It involves understanding the internal identity of the beginning teacher and the degree of positive correlation this identity has with the actions and underlying beliefs necessary for successful teaching in the context of classrooms, schools and communities. Identity is constructed from narrative (Berger, 1997; Eakin, 1999) through the construction of the self and the Generalized Other (Mead 1934/1962). The Generalized Other is an internalization of attitudes, beliefs, and roles an individual assigns to both concrete others (family, friends, acquaintances) as well as virtual others or the society at-large (Berger & Luckmann, 1967). Reflection in the form of narrative is crucial in crystallizing both the private self and the public Generalized Other within the social context. Individuals construct identity by recalling past events in the social context where they occurred. These memories are interpretative thus open to clarification and revision. McAdams (1985) writes:

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The problem of identity is the problem of arriving at a life story that makes sense—provides unity and purpose—within a sociohistorical matrix that embodies a much larger story. A person’s world establishes parameters for life stories. In this way identity is truly psychosocial: The life story is a joint product of persona and environment. In a sense the two write the story together. (p. 18)

A pre-narrative identity may exist for those elements of personality that have not been constructed from personal reflection. Early hominids for example that did not have language had a pre-narrative identity. Edelman’s (2004) construct of primary consciousness may be equated to pre-narrative while a higher-order consciousness is a distinctively human attribute incorporating the recalled past and anticipated future into an acute awareness of the present. Animals other than humans, and perhaps other primates, have primary consciousness but they cannot communicate it thus they lack a necessary condition for higher-order consciousness. The inability of some humans to distinguish past and present experience is a form of mental illness. For these, and other mental disorders, an interpretation of past events may be therapeutic and serve as the basis for psychoanalysis (Coles, 1989; Freud, 1949; Polkinghorne, 1988). Stories are used in the narrative to “structure events in such a way that they move over time in an orderly way toward a given end” (Gergen & Gergen, 1983, p. 257). They create drama or emotion and offer subjective truths since they are selective renditions of reality. Selection refers to what is included and what is left out of the story either consciously or otherwise. It refers also to the lens through which the author interprets experience. If others who have known me were asked to give an account of the stories in this book, they would likely focus on other actions and interactions thereby offering other truths as seen from their unique perspectives.

METHODS/METHODOLOGY/RESEARCH TOPICS AND QUESTIONS

This qualitative study is an investigation into the human sciences through narrative research. There are two forms of narrative research: descriptive and explanatory (Polkinghorne, 1988). Descriptive narrative research is a telling of past events that make experience coherent in the lives of the individual, group, or community being studied. Explanatory narrative research creates an interpretative text that seeks understanding why certain events occurred. Beyond describing experience, explanatory narrative research links what cognitive psychologist Jerome Bruner (1986) calls the “human vicissitudes of intention” and the action that drives the narrative. Autobiographical stories in this book were written without a pre-determined plot, storyline, or theme in mind. Following the advice of popular fiction writer Stephen King (2000), the stories focused on description, dialogue, and narration that might appeal to the reader. “When the reader hears strong echoes of his or her own life and beliefs, he or she is apt to become more invested in the story”

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(King, p. 160). Although I lack the ability to pen a best seller, I am hopeful that the audience will become emotionally connected to the characters and empathize with their struggles. Readers might wonder if these stories would concentrate on descriptive narrative research in an attempt to tell entertaining stories. Educational anthropologist Harry Wolcott (1994) suggested that of the primary qualitative research methodologies: descriptive, analytical, interpretive—descriptive holds the most potential for many readers since it employs narrative most effectively. In addition to borrowing from educational anthropology in explaining my research methodology, I turn to cognitive science. There are two forms of cognitive function (Bruner, 1986). One mode is logico-scientific that seeks empirical truths through the conventions of science and mathematics. A central tenet of this kind of thinking is the falsification of hypotheses based on physical evidence. Logico-scientific investigations help us understand physical phenomena in the natural world. The other mode of cognitive function, complementary to the logico-scientific, is the narrative. “Narrative displays the goals and intentions of human actors; makes individuals, cultures, societies, and historical epochs comprehensible as wholes; humanizes time; allows us to contemplate the effects of our actions and to alter the directions of our lives” (Richardson, 1990, p. 20). Although both logico-scientific investigation and narrative modes deal with causality while seeking universal truths, narrative seeks meaning in the subjective context of human actions. Narrative is employed in this inquiry as I seek to represent human consciousness. The construction of a storied self is a narrative centered on problem resolution as the actor takes action with available resources in a particular setting (time and place) to overcome tensions, problems, and crises. Bruner and Kalmar (1998) write: “Typically, we tell ourselves about our own Self and about other Selves in the form of a story” (p. 318). The development of self is a struggle between individuation, or the separation of self from other, and inter-subjectivity, or the ability of the self to negotiate meaning with others through dialogue. Together, individuation and inter-subjectivity combine to produce a normative pattern of expected behaviors and meanings within a social cultural context. These behaviors and meanings will be presented and explained in the interpretations following each story. According to Polkinghorne (1988), the validity of narrative research is based on informal reasoning leading to “well-grounded conclusions” (p. 175). Although formal scientific logic and measurement may be applied in the generation of valid conclusions, narrative research does not depend on it. Due to the subjective nature of the reflection process, narrative research does not strive for universal truths. Rather, it aims for verisimilitude that in Polkinghorne’s words “gives the appearance of truth or reality.” Reliability, in this context, is based on the trustworthiness of field notes—or the narrative constructed from memory—in creating dependable data that are presented in story narratives. I am not claiming that all we can come to know is our own realities since social discourse is essential for the development of higher-order consciousness that leads to reflexivity. Instead,