a notebook on ego for scrummasters
DESCRIPTION
Better understanding your Ego as a way to become better ScrumMastersTRANSCRIPT
ScrumMaster gathering split (croatia), november 2014
Angel Medinilla
[email protected]/en/AngelMedinilla
(Slides, Videos, Newsletter, Books, Blog, LinkedIn, Sketchnotes, Twitter...)
Twitter: @angel_m (would love some instant feedback!)
My Pleasure!</vanity>
First of all... - Yes, this is tough
- It can make you uncomfortable- I’m on my way too
- Suggestion: try to hold your “yes but...”
Ballerina experiment
Identity as a construction: - Experience (memories, knowledge, skills)
- Relations (Family, Friends, society)- Belonging (genetics, culture, material goods, habits)
- Paradigms (beliefs, values, likes, dislikes)- Aspirations (purpose, interest)
Identity as a construction:- Where is “Me”?
- Identity is a complex phenomenon- Self image
- “I Am” as a self fulfilling prophecy
Identity as a construction: - Self = border to others
- “You are German”, “You are white”, “You are catholic”, “you are an engineer”...- There is an AWARENESS behind that (usually neglected!)
- Terry Pratchett’s “Second Thoughts”
Ego- Defense / survival mechanism : “me” vs. “Not me”
- Self preservation: attachment, clinging...- Reaffirms identity
- Changing ego is perceived as “destroying me”
Ego- Is not a “bad thing”
- Ego is not “egoism”, “selfishness”- Ego is not you, in fact
Freud- Ego deals with the conflict between Id and super ego
- Id represents desire and instincts (short term, inconscious, “I want...”)- super ego is an aspirational state (in western cultures, usually defined by “shoulds”
and “should nots”, parental standards and “leader” ideal)
Unhealthy ego- Fear, anger, frustration
- Greed, aversion- Denial, delusion, distortion
- blaming, projecting, passive agressive- isolation, self-deprecation
- somatization, self-destruction
Unhealthy ego- Addiction mechanism; when needs / desires are not met, ego reacts inflating pain
- that’s why most advertising speaks to the ego...- neurotic dependence creates suffering
Ego management- personify your ego: “Mind” management
- unhealthy behaviors do not belong to the mind: we can get rid of them- we are not stuck with what we are born with
- neuroplasticity
Ego management- Bahavad gita, boddhisatva way of life: “mind is an enemy for those who do not have
control over it”- “Masakatsu Agatsu”
Healthy ego- Calm, emotional control- motivation, happiness- tolerance, mercy
- responsibility, engagement
Why ego bother us?- Ego vs others (like teams)
- We expect “others” to change- We blame “others” for their egos
“Other-ism”- Clash of egos
- we expect others to change- tragedy of commons
“other-ism”- Everyone loves themselves more than anyone else- Everyone wants to be happy and stop suffering- Meditate about that and you’ll love everyone!
“other-ism”- “Ubuntu”
- Buddhism: there is no separate self (but there is a skillfull sense of self); there is no clear boundary between your happiness and the happiness of others
“other-ism”- “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of
ourselves” (Carl jung)
islands- “Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle you know nothing about”
Mind mechanisms- Paradigms, judging
- cognitive dissonance, rationalizing- emotional hijack, predictable irrationality
- illusion of control- ,,,
Inner voices- The “comentator”
- The “second arrow”
How to deal with (your) ego- Mind management- Self compassion
- Knowing and changing yourself
1) be aware!- watch your ego at work
- cultivate mindfulness; regular scanning (ananda’s tale)- use your inner compass; identify emotions and their triggers
1) be aware!- notice judgement (good/Bad, like/dislike, do this/do that...)- cultivate listening and silence: let your awareness manifest!
- “when you know what the problem is, you’ll know more about the solution”
2) overcome- Stay positive, no matter what
- maintatin equanimity-practice altruism- connect to others
2) overcome- seek flow
- practice thought supression- self-regulate your emotions
- “you don’t need to solve every problem”
3) be open to change and growth- Be ready to let go
- change your narratives- develop an “ego immune system”
3) be open to change and growth- Reframe and relativize
- forgive, assume positive intention, appreciate- take responsibility for your actions
“Yes, but...” (what about others)- Set an example to them
- watch and listen: seek to understand- be there for them
- everyone has it’s own journey- help them see themselves
final thoughts- Change is not denying
- focusing on other is not denying- be the best possible version of yourself
- you will be remembered by the impact you had on people, not by how much work you accomplished or how many times you were right
Exercise: listening levels + feedbackLevel 1: “I don’t give a damm” (groups of 2, 5 min)level 2: “i know everything” (groups of 2, 10 min)
level 3; “let’s look for a solution” (groups of 3, 15 min)
Exercise: listening levels + feedbacklevel 4: full active listening (groups of 4, 15 min)
explore, seek to understand, try to know more - no problem to solvesupervisors: look for coaching style and emotional responses
constructive feedback: give feedback to coach and coachee (5 min)metafeedback: as a group, evaluate the feedback received. note down what worked well,
what needs to be improved (10 min)
More at http://Slideshare.net/proyectalis
Thank you and... BLOG IT!!
(Oh, yes, and buy the books!)http://www.proyectalis.com/en/AngelMedinilla