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The Islamic University of Gaza A Practical Guide for Writing Essays Compiled By Dr. Nazmi Al-Masri English Language Department February 2013

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The Islamic University of Gaza

A Practical Guide for Writing Essays

Compiled By

Dr. Nazmi Al-Masri

English Language Department

February 2013

1

Table of contents

Unit one: Essay structure and steps in writing essay ................................... 2

Beliefs about writing ............................................................................................................... 2 Introductory Questions ............................................................................................................ 2 What is an essay? .................................................................................................................... 3 Essay Structure ........................................................................................................................ 3

Steps in essay writing .............................................................................................................. 6 Prewriting (planning) .............................................................................................................. 7

Practice 1 ........................................................................................................................... 10 The thesis statement should have 2 parts: one topic and 3 specific and related points:........ 10

Practice 2 ........................................................................................................................... 11

Practice 3 ........................................................................................................................... 11 Practice 4 ........................................................................................................................... 12 Practice / assignment 1 ...................................................................................................... 14

Practice / assignment 2 ...................................................................................................... 15 Drafting ................................................................................................................................. 15

Drafting the introduction……………… ........................................................................... 15

Essay (1) My Job in an Apple Plant .................................................................................. 25 Revising the first draft ........................................................................................................... 29

Practice 1 ........................................................................................................................... 29

Practice 2 ........................................................................................................................... 30 Practice / Assignment 1 ..................................................................................................... 31

Editing the revised draft ........................................................................................................ 36 Sentence structure: ambiguity…………….. ..................................................................... 36 Using appropriate transitions ............................................................................................ 38

Unit Two: Essay types ......................................................................................................... 55

The definition essay: ............................................................................................................. 55 The compare/contrast essay: ................................................................................................. 55

The cause/effect: ......……………………………………………………………………….56 The narrative essay: ...………………………………………………………………………57

The descriptive essay:………………………. ...................................................................... 58 The process essay:……………. ............................................................................................ 59 The argumentative essay: ...................................................................................................... 59

The critical essay:………..……… ........................................................................................ 60 Literary Analysis essays: ....................................................................................................... 60

Practice 1 ........................................................................................................................... 62 Practice 2 ........................................................................................................................... 64

Advantages and Disadvantages ............................................................................................. 67

2

Unit one

Essay structure and steps in writing essay

Beliefs about writing

Do you agree with all these statements? Why?

1. Writing is a learnable skill and not a natural gift or talent.

2. Writing is a cognitive & creative process that requires logical thinking as well as linguistic

skill.

3. Writing requires different supporting points with detailed evidence: facts, figures,

statistics, examples, arguments, personal experiences, anecdotes, opinions of experts and

studies.

4. Writing is a practical skill that can be developed by Practice and writing.

5. Writing is a process that involves 4 steps: prewriting, drafting, revising, editing.

Introductory Questions

1. Writing is seen as a multi-step process that involves these steps which are not in

proper order. Try to reorder them properly.

a. Organising ideas in a logical sequence

b. Drafting the ideas focussing on relevance of ideas

c. Revising and editing the drafted ideas to express them in clear and correct language

d. Thinking to generate relevant ideas

2. Do you think the writing skill is difficult? Give 2 reasons and then compare them

with a partner.

Because it is ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -----------

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3. List 3 suggestions for improving writing

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4. List 3 characteristics of academic writing

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What is an essay?

An essay is a short piece of writing that discusses, describes or analyzes one topic. It can

discuss a subject directly or indirectly, seriously or humorously. It can describe personal

opinions, or just report information.

An essay can have many purposes, but the basic structure is the same no matter what. You

may be writing an essay to argue for a particular point of view or to explain the steps

necessary to complete a task. Either way, your essay will have the same basic format.

Essay Structure

Look at the following 2 diagram and in pairs or groups try to answer these questions:

1. What do you understand from both diagrams below?

2. What are the main parts of the essay?

3. What does each essay part should contain?

4. List some similarities and differences between these 2 diagram.

4

http://www.jcu.edu.au/studying/services/studyskills/essay/structure.html

5

Basic Essay Structure

Introduction (approx 10% of word count)

Paragraph ⇒

General statements on broad topic

(Definitions of important terms)

Statement of the central argument

Listing of main points to be covered

Topic sentence

Explanation

Evidence

(Concluding sentence)

Body

Paragraph ⇒

Topic sentence

Explanation

Evidence

(Concluding sentence)

(approx 80% of word count)

Paragraph ⇒

Conclusion (approx 10% of word count)

Topic sentence

Explanation

Evidence

(Concluding sentence)

Restatement of the central argument

Summary of main points covered

Final statements

6

Steps in essay writing

To write an essay that follows the essay structure described above (Introduction, 3

paragraphs and conclusion), you need to follow these four steps summarized in the

following diagram. These simple steps will guide you through the essay writing process:

Steps on writing essay

1) Prewriting (brainstorming & planning) - ¼ of your time prewriting

1. Decide on your topic.

2. Prepare an outline or diagram of your ideas.

3. Write your thesis statement.

2) Drafting: focusing on developing ideas or content and not worrying about

grammar, spelling and punctuation in writing the introduction, body ( main and

sub-points) and conclusion - ½ of your time writing

- Revising: the draft content in terms the unity between thesis statement and

paragraphs, supporting ideas with relevant, logical and sufficient evidence, and

organizing and connecting ideas (coherence). ¼ of your time revising and

editing.

3) Editing errors: grammar, punctuation and spelling

7

Prewriting (planning)

Prewriting is the critical first step in creating a successful essay. The three prewriting

strategies explained below may be used both to generate new ideas and to clarify those

you already have.

1. Freewriting

Freewriting is probably the best-known prewriting technique. Specifically, freewriting

means spending a predetermined period of time writing nonstop, focusing on a specific

topic. It works best when you write in full sentences, but phrases are also effective. The

key is to keep writing without regard for grammar, spelling, or worthiness of ideas

Keys to successful freewriting

- Resist the temptation to look back at what you have written during the process.

- Follow your ideas wherever they lead you.

- When finished, read your freewriting with a highlighter, noting the most

interesting and strongest ideas.

- Try the process again after you have focused your topic; more ideas may be

generated.

2. Brainstorming or listing

Brainstorming is similar to freewriting in that it is a timed, flowing exercise meant to

elicit many thoughts and ideas on a given topic.

How to brainstorm

If you are not already being timed, set a timer for at least five minutes (the more time

you spend, the more and better ideas you will probably come up with).

- List every word or phrase that comes to mind about your topic. If you have not

selected a topic, write in answers to the questions,

o “What do I have to say to my audience?” or

o “What do I want my audience to know about me?”

- do not edit or censor any ideas, and ignore the rules of spelling, grammar, and

punctuation.

- When you are finished, look over the list carefully. Cross out useless information

and organize what is left. Categorize similar items

8

3. Concept mapping / webbing

Sample concept mapping

9

Sample concept webs

This step of prewriting includes doing three sub-steps:

A) Choosing a specific topic

B) Writing a thesis statement

C) Preparing a tentative outline

A) Choosing a specific topic

If a topic is not assigned for you, choose a specific topic for your essay. For example,

the topics Palestine, national unity, unemployment, marriage, children and Islam are

all too general, if your objective is to write a specific analysis. You must narrow it to

something like:

a. Goals of primary school education in Palestine

b. Importance of national unity among Palestinians

c. Causes of high unemployment Palestinian university graduates

d. Effect of watching violence films on young children

e. Advantages and disadvantages of early marriage

f. Why more Western women convert to Islam than men.

10

Practice 1

In pairs, try to narrow these topics in a way similar to the above examples.

a. Literature

…………………………………………………………………………………..

b. Internet

…………………………………………………………………………………..

c. Teachers

…………………………………………………………………………………..

d. War

…………………………………………………………………………………..

e. Coeducation

…………………………………………………………………………………..

B) Writing a thesis statement (supported with 3 related points)

Thesis statement introduces the main idea of the essay.

It states the specific topic of the essay.

It may list the sub-topics/ points of the main topic.

It may also mention the the method of organization.

It is the last sentence of the introduction.

The thesis statement should have 2 parts: one topic and 3 specific and related points:

1. The main goals of Primary education in Palestine include expanding

knowledge, developing learning and thinking skills and promoting universal

values.

2. Unemployment in Palestine causes social, psychological and political

problems.

3. National unity in Palestine can strengthen the Palestinians people locally,

regionally and internationally.

11

Practice 2

Read the following thesis statements and circle the topic and underline the point(s).

1. Although vision is important, many people manage without sight.

2. Higher education in Palestine has three social benefits: enhancing social

status, getting a job and developing cognitive skills

3. Unemployment in Palestine causes social, psychological and political

problems.

4. National unity can strengthen the Palestinians people politically, militarily and

socially

Practice 3

Read the following unacceptable thesis statements and try to find why they are

unacceptable. Here are some reasons. Write the suitable reason number next to

each thesis statement. Every 2 statements have the same problem.

1. Not including one specific idea

2. Not too narrow

3. Not too broad

4. Not an announcement but a statement

The subject of this paper will be Education in Palestine. ………

I want to talk about unemployment in our country. ……..

Education has been the most influential factor in Palestine. ……

Unemployment is a major concern of everyone in our country. …….

Unemployment of university graduates increased by 10%. …...

My parents helped me grow in important ways, although in other respects I

was limited. ……

The problem of overcrowded American prisons must be solved, and the

judges must start handing out tougher sentences. ……

The "baby boom" generation has had many advantages, but it also faces

many problems.

12

Practice 4

Read these thesis statements and in pairs try to complete them.

1. I joined the English language department at IUG for 3 reasons: …………..

…..………………………, ………………………….., …………..………..

2. Television hinders rather than helps in the socializing process of our children

because ......................................................, it would ......................................,

and it would …………………….............. .

3. I would study English rather than history or geography for the following reasons:

....................................................... ,....................................................., and

............................................

4. I enjoy studying literary works (stories, novels and plays) for several reasons:

....................................................... …. ,..............................................................,

and ............................................

C) Preparing a tentative outline

The purpose of an outline or diagram is to put your ideas about the topic on paper, in a

moderately organized format. The structure you create here may change before the essay

is complete, so don't agonize over this. Writing a tentative outline helps you to organize

your ideas logically and clearly. Here is an example:

13

Title: The Hazards of Moviegoing

I. Introduction

A. Introductory statement

B. Thesis statement: I like watching movies but I prefer watching

them at home.

II. Body

A. First Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): just getting to the theater

presents difficulties

[

1. bad weather

2. long drive and limited parking space

3. long waiting to buy ticket

B. Second Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): facing the problems of

the theater itself

1. old theater's problems such as smelly carpet, worn-out seat,

etc

2. new theater's problems such as smaller size, noise from

next movie theater, etc

3. both floors will be rubber-like dirty at the end of the movie

C. Third Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): Some of the patrons are

annoying

1. bad behavior such as running, talking loud, etc

2. human noise and disturbance

III. Conclusion

[[

A. Closing statement

B. Restate thesis: I prefer to watch movies at home where it is

comfortable, clean and safe.

14

Practice / assignment 1

Below are three thesis statements. Work in pairs or groups and try to write to

complete the following 2 outlines.

Higher education in Palestine has three social benefits: enhancing social status,

getting a job and developing social communication skills.

1. enhancing social status

a.

b.

c.

2. getting a good job

a.

b.

c.

3. developing social communication skills

a.

a.

b.

Palestinian national unity is necessary for the Palestinian people because it can solve

some of our most persistent and pressing problems: preventing political

fragmentation, bringing social stability and enhancing resistance.

1. preventing political fragmentation

a.

b.

2. bringing social stability

a.

b.

c.

3. enhancing resistance

a.

b.

c.

15

Practice / assignment 2

Work in pairs or groups and use the technique of diagramming to write 3 outlines

(similar to the ones above) about 2 of the topics below. Keep the 2 outlines so you

may later develop them into 2 essays.

A) Joining English language department

B) effects of internet on children

C) Causes of high unemployment Palestinian university graduates

D) Effect of watching violence films on young children

E) Advantages and disadvantages of early marriage

F) Why more Western women convert to Islam than men

G) Impact of war on women

H) Differences between men and women

I) Why some Muslim women do not wear Jelbab

J) Disadvantages of coeducation at university

Drafting

Having prepared the outline (map/ skeleton of your essay), you need change these ideas

into related paragraphs. The drafting step includes these sub-steps:

A) Drafting introduction

B) Drafting 3 paragraphs (essay body)

C) Drafting conclusion

A) Drafting the introduction

The Introduction1 begins with general statements to introduce the main

topic/subject area and to set the context for the discussion. This arouses the interest of

the reader and indicates why the topic is of interest in the first place. These statements

are then followed by a thesis statement or statement of contention, which tells the

1 Central Queensland University, Faculty of Business & Informatics 2006, Guide for students, 6th ed,

Central Queensland University, Rockhampton, QLD. This is available online at:

http://fbi.cqu.edu.au/FCWViewer/getFile.do?id=17724

16

reader what point the essay is trying to prove or what questions it is trying to answer.

A thesis statement must be included when an argument is being made. A thesis

statement includes your position on the issue and the reasoning you are using to

support your position.

Often, essays begin with a general introductory statement which attracts the reader's

attention. This introductory statement could be explanation, description, description,

striking statistics, a fact or an anecdote that will lead to your thesis.

17

Practice 1

Read the following introduction and try to find what kind of introductory

statements used and underline the thesis statement.

Introduction

I finished my high school and university in China so I am familiar with the

education system there. After several years‟ stay in Japan, I found that the

Japanese education system is very different from Chinese one. Compared to China,

Japan has difference in college preparation program, the entrance exams and the

college life.

Practice 2

In the following introductory paragraphs, the sentences are in incorrect order.

Rewrite each paragraph, beginning with the most general statement first. Then add

each sentence in correct order, from the next most general to the least general.

Finally, write the thesis statement last. Justify your choice.

1. (1) Therefore, workaholics‟ lifestyles can affect their families, social lives, and

health. (2) Because they work so many hours, workaholics may not spend enough

time in leisure activities. (3) Nowadays, many men and women work in law,

accounting, real estate, and business. (4) These people are serious about

becoming successful; they work long hours during the week and even on

weekends, so they are called “workaholics”.

2. (1) Therefore, anyone who wants to drive must carry a driver‟s license. (2) It is

divided into four steps: studying the traffic laws, taking the written test,

learning to drive, and taking the driving test. (3) Getting a driver‟s license is a

complicated process. (4) Driving a car is a necessity in today‟s busy society, and

it is also a special privilege.

18

3. (1) During this period, children separate themselves from their parents and

become independent. (2) Teenagers express their separateness most vividly in

their choice of clothes, hairstyles, music, and vocabulary. (3) The teenage

years between childhood and adulthood are a period of growth and separation.

Practice 3

Below are introductions written by students. Which of them would you rank the

best and the worst? Why?

1. Parallel characters and Themes in Hamlet and Macbeth. Among Shakespeare's

plays hamlet and Macbeth, there are many similarities. These plays are both

Shakespearean tragedies, which often use supernaturals to capture the

reader's interest and consists of a hero that has a tragic flaw.

2. Lord of the lies is considered one of the the most well-known novel in the

twentieth century. It is written by William Golding who makes use of symbolism

as literay device in his novel. In fact, a symbol is a person, object or event that

suggests more than its literal meaning. And each symbol can be divided into two

type: literary symbols; which are used in literature, conventional symbols; which

are widely recognized by society.

3. Comedy is a type of drama, it means a representation of happy story, no real

suffering, ends happily and it is written to entertainment. In this paper, we will

discuss three main types of comedy pure comedy, tragic comedy, and comedy

of humours.

4. Thomas Eliot one of the greatest poet in 20thC. Eliot was born in to a

prominenet family from St louis, missour. Eliot was a poet, dramatist and a

literary critic.

19

Practice 4

Write 2 draft introductions to the 2 outlines you wrote before and keep them to

develop them later.

A) Drafting the 3 paragraphs (body)

A well-written paragraph has 2 main elements: a topic sentence and supporting

sentences. The topic sentence carries the central idea to be discussed in the paragraph.

Possible topic sentences may look like these:

1. Violence on television can lead to sleeping disorders in children.

a. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

b. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

c. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

2. Women are superior to men in two ways.

a. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

b. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

3. The pollution of the Gaza sea would cause several problems for swimmers

a. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

b. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

c. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

d. …………………………………………………………………………………

………………………….

20

The supporting sentences include 2-3 ideas and evidences that explain the central

point. To support the topic sentence effectively and provide suficient information,

you need to use these basic developing techniques:

Facts: statistics, numbers, dates, clear evidence or reasons

Illustration: examples

Explanation: features, factors, causes, arguments, quotations, paraphrases

Quotations of experienced specialists and relevant study/research results

Concrete information appealing to senses:

sight: size, length, height, width, color

sound: high, low, gentle, frightening, lovable

touch : soft, hot, cold

smell: bad, nice

taste : sweet, bitter

Practice 5

Read the following paragraphs and do the following:

1. Individually circle the topic sentences

2. Underline and find the number of ideas (evidences) used to support the topic

sentences.

3. Find what types of evidences are used to support the topic sentences.

4. After you finish compare your answers with your partner.

Paragraph (1)

Unfortunately, violence in the workplace has become a serious problem all

over the country. The federal Occupational Safety and Health

Administration (OSHA) reports that almost 1,000 workers are murdered, and

a whopping 1.5 million are assaulted each year at work. And violence is the

leading cause of death for women in the workplace. So you're definitely not

crazy to want to take precautions against this problem. It's also in your self-

interest to take action now.

21

Paragraph (2)

There are some effective measures that can be taken to reduce pollution. The

most important one is the introduction of a carbon tax, i.e. a tax on coal and oil

products, such as plastics, petrol and fuel for domestic and industrial

consumption. Such a tax would have a number of benefits. First, the reduction

in the consumption of fuel would give us fresher air to breathe. At the same

time, it could raise money for cleaning up the environment and make the general

public more conscious of pollution. Having suggested that, however, this tax

would be rather unpopular among the general public, as it would reduce their

spending power. Moreover, there would be a strong lobby against it because of

the extra costs.

5. Read the paragraphs below & outline them in the spaces provided. Write out

the topic sentence & summarise in few words the supporting ideas that fit

under the topic sentence.

Paragraph (3)

Mention the topic of „ethics‟ and, with a few exceptions, you are likely to

elicit one of two common reactions. For many people the realm of ethics,

what might be called the „ethical landscape‟, is a place of complex and

daunting terrain. It is a place far removed from their daily experience; it is

an abstract entity which has little bearing on the real issues that they

confront on a daily basis. Or so they think! Another familiar reaction comes

from the person who believes that the 'ethical landscape' is bounded by

specific sets of rules which, in turn, vary according to the context. So it is

that some accountants will want to answer questions concerning ethics by

drawing attention to sections recorded in their code.

Topic sentence: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support: 1. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support: 2. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support: 3. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

22

Paragraph (4)

Smoking has many serious effects. The most obvious effect is the deterioration of

a smoker's health. Smoking increases the risk of lung disease, increases blood

pressure, increases the risk of heart attacks, and reduces the flow of oxygen to

the brain. Smoking creates respiratory problems. A smoker's cough expels phlegm,

a thick mucus in the nose and the throat that wants to escape the body. Prolonged

use may lead to emphysema and the need to hook up to a machine to pump enough

oxygen into the lungs. Another effect of this habit is that smoking breeds

halitosis; a smoker's breath always smells foul and repulsive. Smoking frequently

results in social isolation because fewer people smoke or want to be in the

presence of second-hand smoke. Friends and acquaintances often bluntly tell their

smoking friends that they don't want the smell in their cars or in their homes.

The strong, offensive odor of smoke clings to smokers' clothing, hair, and skin.

The final effect of smoking is that it depletes the pocketbook. Smoking is now an

expensive habit, and the price of cigarettes continues to rise. The effects of

smoking are many, which leaves one wondering why intelligent people do not find a

way to break their harmful addiction.

Topic sentence: ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support: 1. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

b. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support: 2. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

b. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Support: 3. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

c. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

d. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

23

Assignment (1)

Write 3 paragraphs about 3 of the following topics. Begin each paragraph with a

topic sentence and support the central idea of each paragraph with 3 relevant

ideas.

1. Ethics of teachers

2. Reduction of unemployment

3. Characteristics of successful writer

4. How to understand a literary work

5. Usefulnees of internet to university students

6. Psychological differences between males and females.

B) Writing the conclusion

The 2-3 sentence conclusion

may start with a transition phrase (e.g. In conclusion, to conclude/ In summary, to

summarise, In brief, In short)

should summarise the main points or repeat the thesis in different words.

Should not contain any new information.

Examples

Read the these conclusions and find what is common and difference between them.

Conclusion (1)

I stayed on the job for five months, hating all the while the difficulty of the work,

the poor money, and the conditions under which I worked. By the time I quit, I was

determined never to do such degrading work again.

Conclusion (2)

However, the entrance exam itself in Japan is very flexible and it is a good

example for China to learn. As for college life if the mixture of both the rich

activities in Japan and the strict system in China could be adopted and combined in

some ways, that would be perfect and appropriate.

24

Is education important?

In conclusion, although there are undoubtedly some problems with increased levels

of education, I feel strongly that the country can only progress if all its people are

educated to the maximum of their ability.

Who are the better parents - men or women?

I think this is not an either/or question. Both men and women have strengths and

skills that are important for children's psychological growth. We need to ensure

that both parents play an important role in the family in order to give children a

good start in life.

Who learns quicker - adults or children?

Finally, I feel that we cannot generalize about children or adults being better

learners. It depends on the situation and the motivation of the person, and the

level of enthusiasm he or she has for learning.

Practice / Assignment 1

Read the following essay, try to find main supporting points included in each paragraph

and complete the essay outlines below. Compare your outline with your partner.

25

Essay (1) My Job in an Apple Plant

In the course of working my way through school, I have taken many jobs I would

rather forget. I have spent nine hours a day lifting heavy automobile and truck

batteries off the end of an assembly belt. I have risked the loss of eyes and fingers

working a punch press in a textile factory. I have served as a ward aide in a mental

hospital, helping care for brain-damaged men who would break into violent fits at

unexpected moments. But none of these jobs was as dreadful as my job in an apple

plant. The work was physically hard; the pay was poor; and, most of all, the working

conditions were dismal.

First of all, the job made enormous demands on my strength and energy. For ten hours

a night, I took cartons that rolled down a metal track and stacked them onto wooden

skids in a tractor-trailer. Each carton contained twelve heavy cans or bottles of apple

juice. A carton shot down the track about every fifteen seconds. I once figured out that I

was lifting an average of twelve tons of apple juice every night. When a truck was

almost filled, I or my partner had to drag fourteen bulky wooden skids into the empty

trailer nearby and then set up added sections of the heavy metal track so that we could

start routing cartons to the back of the empty van. While one of us did that, the other

performed the stacking work of two men.

I would not have minded the difficulty of the work so much if the pay had not been so

poor. I was paid the minimum wage of that time, two dollars an hour, plus the

minimum of a nickel extra for working the night shift. Because of the low salary, I felt

compelled to get as much overtime pay as possible. Everything over eight hours a

night was time-and-a-half, so I typically worked twelve hours a night. On Friday I

would sometimes work straight through until Saturday at noon -- eighteen hours. I

averaged over sixty hours a week but did not take home much more than one hundred

dollars.

But even more than the low pay, what upset me about my apple plant job was the

working conditions. Our humorless supervisor cared only about his production record

for each night and tried to keep the assembly line moving at a breakneck pace. During

work I was limited to two ten-minute breaks and an unpaid half hour for lunch. Most

of my time was spent outside on the truck loading dock in near-zero-degree

temperatures. The steel floors of the trucks were like ice; the quickly penetrating cold

made my feet feel like stone. I had no shared interests with the man I loaded cartons

with, and so I had to work without job companionship. And after the production line

shut down and most people left, I had to spend two hours alone scrubbing clean the

apple vats, which were coated with a sticky residue.

I stayed on the job for five months, hating all the while the difficulty of the work, the

poor money, and the conditions under which I worked. By the time I quit, I was

determined never to do such degrading work again.

By John Langan From English Skills with Readings

http://depts.gallaudet.edu/englishworks/writing/draft2job.html

26

Outline for My Job in an Apple Plant

Title: ____________________

I. Introduction

A. Introductory statement

B. Thesis statement: ____________________

II. Body

A. First Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence): ____________________

1. ____________________

2. ____________________

3. ____________________

B. Second Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence):

____________________

1. ____________________

2. ____________________

3. ____________________

C. Third Supporting Idea (Topic Sentence):

____________________

1. ____________________

2. ____________________

3. ____________________

III. Conclusion

A. Closing statement

B. Restate thesis: ____________________

Practice/ assignment 2

Read the following sample academic essays (2 & 3), try to find main supporting points

included in each paragraph and summarise these points in an outline based on the essay

structure diagram presented before and similar to the one above: My Job in an Apple

Plant.

27

Example Essay (2) Japanese Education

Exploring education in Japan, one will find various insights into Japanese culture. Japans

approach to education reflects Japanese values. Modern Japan is quite an amazing place

where people act properly and have great values. The Japanese people have a value

system that can be reflected well by their educational system. Three main values are

easily seen when you look at how Japanese schools function and how they are structured.

Respect is an everyday presence, proper presentation is always apparent, and

effectiveness is seen, used, and unparalleled to the rest of the world.

Respect is a very strong part of culture in Japan. It is definitely a main value and is obvious if you visit any Japanese department stores. You are respected almost anywhere you go and are bowed to and greeted whenever you enter stores and elevators. This is also true to the rest of Japan. Respect can be seen in virtually all parts of the country and a good example would be when it rains by these department stores, associates hand out plastic bags to keep your umbrellas contained and clean. This is done as a courtesy to you. It is just an example of how you are even respected in stores.

Another value that is constantly seen is organization and good presentation. This is for good reason too, there are an amazing amount of people on the island, and organization of the living space, is an essential part to the survival with Japan‟s current population. Proper presentation is seen when you buy items at these stores. When you buy any good it is wrapped beautifully and made ready for whatever event you need it to attend or use. This type of service always pleases people when they shop and reflects the way people are in Japan.

Effectiveness in Japan is also another great human value. With the space restrictions of an island Japan needs to be effective all throughout the stores and the island. The layout of stores is always very precise and well thought out. Food and material goods are sectioned by floors and help is extremely divided throughout the stores. Help can be found at any counter inside these stores. For convenience and speed restaurants are also located on the top floors of these department stores. It makes it very effective to shop then eat; this saves time which is a precious commodity to the Japanese.

Overall the Japanese have good morals and values that can be seen throughout even basic places as department stores in Japan. That says a lot about the Japanese people, and it definitely shows how widespread the values are. Respect, organization, and effectiveness all intertwine with one another and make a society that is smart and competent. These values make up the basic parts of a very strong culture that is influential to the whole world.

28

Example Academic Essay (3)

Should the death penalty be restored in the UK?

http://www.public.iastate.edu/~hschmidt/sampleacademicessay.html

The restoration of the death penalty for serious crimes is an issue of debate in the UK

because of the recent rise in violent crime. The causes, effects and solutions to the problems

of violent crime throw up a number of complex issues which are further complicated by the

way that crime is reported. Newspapers often sensationalise crime in order to increase

circulation and this makes objective discussion more difficult. This essay will examine this

topic firstly by considering the arguments put forward by those in favour of the death

penalty and then by looking at the arguments opposed to the idea.

The main arguments in favour of restoring the death penalty are those of deterrence and

retribution: the theory is that people will be dissuaded from violent crime if they know they

will face the ultimate punishment and that people should face the same treatment that they

gave out to others. Statistics show that when the death penalty was temporarily withdrawn in

Britain between 1965 and 1969 the murder rate increased by 125% (Clark, 2005). However,

we need to consider the possibility that other reasons might have lead to this rise. Amnesty

International (1996) claims that it is impossible to prove that capital punishment is a greater

deterrent than being given a life sentence in prison and that “evidence….gives no support to

the evidence hypothesis theory.” It seems at best that the deterrence theory is yet to be

proven. The concept of „retribution‟ is an interesting one: there is a basic appeal in the

simple phrase „the punishment should fit the crime‟. Calder (2003) neatly summarises this

argument when he says that killers give up their rights when they kill and that if

punishments are too lenient then it shows that we undervalue the right to live. There are

other points too in support of the death penalty, one of these being cost. It is obviously far cheaper to execute prisoners promptly rather than feed and house them for years on end.

The arguments against the death penalty are mainly ethical in their nature, that it is basically

wrong to kill and that when the state kills it sends out the wrong message to the rest of the

country. Webber (2005) claims that the death penalty makes people believe that „killing

people is morally permissible‟. This is an interesting argument – would you teach children

not to hit by hitting them? Wouldn‟t this instead show them that hitting was indeed

„permissible‟? There is also the fact that you might execute innocent people. Innocent

people can always be released from prison, but they can never be brought back from the

dead. When people have been killed there is no chance of rehabilitation or criminals trying

to make up for crimes. For this reason capital punishment has been called „the bluntest of

blunt instruments‟ (Clark, 2005).

In conclusion, the arguments put forward by people who support or are against the death

penalty often reflect their deeper principles and beliefs. These beliefs and principles are

deeply rooted in life experiences and the way people are brought up and are unlikely to be

swayed by clever arguments. It is interesting that in this country most people are in favour

of the death penalty yet parliament continues to oppose it. In this case it could be argued that

parliament is leading the way in upholding human rights and continues to broadcast the clear

message that killing is always wrong.

29

Revising the first draft

Revising for unity

As you begin to plan your essay, give some thought to 2 types of unity: Unity of the

essay as a whole between paragraphs (macro-unity) and unity within each paragraph

(micro-unity). The first unity refers to relevance of the three central points in the thesis

to the title of the essay and each others while the second type of unity refers to the

relevance of all detailed ideas to the topic sentence in each paragraph. In brief, unity

refers to making sure that all ideas, details and evidences discussed in each paragraph

are relevant to the 3 main points expressed in the topic sentences at the beginning of

each paragraph, i.e. no deviation from the central point.

Practice 1

To understand what is meant by unity of ideas, look at these 2 examples and circle

the letter beside the sentence that does not relate to the controlling idea which

appears in the topic sentences.

1. Carlos is very interested in cars.

a. He knows all the details about the manufacturers‟ models

b. His parents allow him $20 a week for gas.

c. He spends a lot of time each week making improvements on his old Ford.

d. If there is a new-car exhibit in town, you will find him there

2. The weather has been changeable.

a. On Sunday we had a high wind that blew down some trees.

b. Monday was so cold that we had to turn on the heat and wear our winter

coats.

c. Tuesday we formed a group to go roller skating

d. By Wednesday the weather cleared and the sun came out.

30

Practice 2

The 3 paragraphs below are written by students. Read them carefully and state if they

have unity (clear topic sentence and sufficient and relevant supporting sentences.

1. to begin with, unemploymeny causes many social problems. First of all, the

unemployed youth does not get married, because getting married requires

money to pay the dowry, to have apartment and to do the wedding party.

Secondly, it can do a conflict between the man and his wife. The housewife

needs many things to her house and children. She needs clothes, food, etc. Her

husband doesn't able to bring money and buy these things. Finally, the

unemployment makes people to be isolated. It decreases the relationship

between realtives and neighbours. To illustrate, when people visit their

relatives and neighbours they take presents and these presents require money.

2. Firstly, education at an elementary school is obligatory for all students and it

continuous till six years of studying. the student's age at this stage is six years

. the education also is complimentary where the student doesn't pay tuition .

Moreover, students learn different subjects which are important for them. For

example, Religion education, Arabic, English, IT, . . . etc

3. The first one [internet advantage], we can takes a lot of information, if you

need any information you can research about it by using essay way, you can

open googel site and put any things you want to know and this is a simple way to

collect information e.g. if you want to research about shakespear life without

the tittle in google site you will find a lot of heading choose any one . then you

find what do you need, by this way you can collect a lot of information

31

Practice / Assignment 1

Below are 3 essays (4, 5 & 6) written by students. Carefully read them and decide

which one is the best in terms of macro-unity and macro-unity. Use the revising

criteria below to make objective judgment:

1. Does the introduction have a clear thesis statement that has a topic and a point?

2. Does each paragraph have a clear topic sentence that has a topic and a point?

3. Are all the topic sentences related directly to the thesis statement?

4. Are all the topic sentences supported by relevant and sufficient evidence?

Essay (4)

The differences between Ralph and Jack in Lord of the Flies

" Lord of the Flies" is one of the adventure novels which was written by William

Golding in 1954. The novel, as every novel, has different types of characters. In "lord of

the Flies", characters are group of school boys who survived from plane crash and found

themselves on unknown island. The main two characters in this novel have many

differences. Ralph and Jack Ralph differs from Jack in three things :principle,

behavior, and moral.

Firstly, Ralph differs from Jack in the principle. Ralph believes in doing everything in

democratic way. From the beginning of the novel, he deal with others in democratic

way. He always listens to the boys and take their opinion. He put down a rule which is

the boy who hold the conch has the right to speak whatever he want and no one disturb

him. For example,he listened to the little boy when he spoke about the beast and

reassured him. Also, he consults other boys and takes their opinion in every decision.

For instance, when he thought to make a fire in order to be rescued, he told other boys

and took their opinion. On the other hand, Jack is a dictatorship person. He just loves

himself and do not care of other. He do not listens to anyone and that appears when

Piggy tried to speak up and Jack always disturbed him and took the conch from him .

Also he do not think of other and just wants to have a fun and hunt pigs .For instance, he

lost their chance to be rescued in order to hunt a pig .Also, he caused to kill the little boy

when he made the fire without thinking. All of these things show how Ralph is

democratic person while Jack is dictator one.

32

Other difference between Ralph and Jack is in their behavior. Ralph, during the whole

story, behaves as civilized boy. He deals with the situations in civilized way. For

example, he suggested to choose a leader in order to decide things, so they hold the

election and chose him. He put down the rules and made assemblies to discuss what

happened to them .Also, he thinks in civilized way. He thought to make a fire to be

rescued and build a huts to sleep and relax in it. In contrast, Jack behaves as a savages

because he is the leader of the hunters. For example, he painted his face, as savages,

when he hunted. He also hunted pigs, cut their throats, and cut their heads. Then he

made a party when he hunted pig and danced in circle around the fire in the strange way.

Also Jack behaves with others like savage. For example, he hit Piggy all the time ,broke

his glasses, disturbed him when he spoke, destroyed the castles which the boys built, etc.

Moreover, the major difference between Ralph and Jack is their moral. Ralph is

considered as a good boy with pure nature. He loves the other boys and thinks of them.

During the novel, it is clear how Ralph tried always to help them. He tried all the time to

keep the fire go on in order to be rescued. Also, he built the huts on the beach to make

the children sleep safely and protect them from the sun and the insects. On the other

hand, Jack is considered as pure evil. He do not love or care of anyone

just himself. He made the children afraid from the beast. Also, he killed Simon. When

he returned to them to told the children there was no beast, Jack and hunters attacked

him and killed him as a beast. Also, he was the reason of killing Piggy. When Piggy amd

Ralph spoke with him, then he let Roger threw pig rock on him and killed him. Another

thing shows the evil inside Jack, when he followed Ralph and tried to kill him and cut

his head to took it as a gift for the beast.

Thus, Ralph and Jack are conflicting characters. Ralph represents democracy,

civilization, and goodness, while Jack represents dictatorship, savages, and evil. All that

make the reader thinks about many things in the real life which is similar to what

happened in the novel especially the conflict between people.

33

Essay (5)

My parents never allow me to thing for myself.

Many parents think that their children are only babies who will never grow up . They

think that they will never be able to take their decisions alone . As an example; my

parents never allowed me to think for myself .

My parents directed the most beautiful part of my life; the secondary life. When I first

attempted to the secondary school, I was thinking of joining the science section in the

next year .In class eleven my parents persuaded me to join the art section . according to

them, I was not supposed to exhaust myself studying in this section . I did what they

wanted , but actually it wasn't easy for me to do so . In class twelve (tawjihi)I decided to

depend on myself . here again my parents insist that I should take extra private lessons

and choosing the private teachers for almost all of the subjects. In that time I thought

that it's the end of my secondary school and my parents will stop interfering in my life at

that stage , but this wasn't true !

Even though I was eighteen years old, they kept controlling my university life. they

wanted me to join the business administration department , so that, I could work in my

father's company after graduation . after long debaters ,I convince them to let me join

the English department but the educational faculty which they wanted not the art faculty

which I wanted. Meanwhile they decided the number of hours I should take each

semester. Also ,my mother shared organizing my schedule to the extent that she obliged

me to choose sections and times I would never choose . this was really annoying .

The worst thing is that my parents have intended to think for me for the rest of my life.

After graduation I worked as a teacher in a preparatory school . I wanted to get enough

experience to be able to teach higher levels .My postgraduate studies. Also they want me

to get married to my cousin whom I don't love. Adding to that they expect me to have a

big family consisting of eleven children _a football team !

This is more than what I can tolerate .

In my opinion ,good parents should teach their children how to decide and help them to

take right decisions. They should give their children the chance to try their own

decisions. For me , I'll start stop this matter and I'll say NO whenever it is necessary .

34

Essay (6)

Comparison between Snowball & Napoleon

Animal Farm is a novella written by Gorge Orwell in the 20th century. The book

describes in detail how the new regime of communism established by Lenin, the Russian

leader, brings corruption to life in Russia. Snowball and Napoleon are the main

characters used by Orwell in the novella to reflect on the corrupt regime. Both Snowball

and Napoleon have different characteristics, yet they share some similarities.

It is obvious throughout the novella that Napoleon is an equivocator character.

First, he calls for a rebellion against Mr. Jones and formulates seven commandments to

encourage the animals of the farm to carry out the rebellion. However; he himself shows

no commitment to those commandments and never helps the others with the rebellion.

For example; he allows himself and his friends to enjoy some privileges such as

drinking, milk while does not allow the other animals to do so. Second, he betrays his

companions and exploits their loyalty to achieve his own purposes. To illustrate,

Napoleon takes the new born puppies away from their mother, telling the animals to

forget about their existence. He adds that he should give those puppies a special training

and education so that they become huge dogs that are able to defend the farm. Though,

this is not the true motive behind that behavior. In fact, Napoleon raises those puppies

to make sure his life will be safe. In other words, the puppies are going to be used as

security forces to protect Napoleon from his rivals. Third, Orwell makes it clear that

Napoleon is jealous of Snowball, as the latter has achieved great success and is loved by

all the animals. However; Napoleon hides his black intentions and acts very normal.

Gradually, he starts to think of Snowball as a source of danger and finally murders him

in a very savage way.

Unlike Napoleon, Snowball is very loyal and friendly to his community and to

his colleagues. He works hard with the others to get things organized after the rebellion.

For example, he helps the animals with harvesting the crops despite being one of the

leaders. Moreover; he seems very concerned with improving the animals' skills and

qualities. To exemplify, Snowball establishes a number of committees for several

purposes such as the committee of egg production, the committee of cleaning cows' tails,

and the committee of teaching the animals reading and writing. For him, all the animals

must be organized in those committees, and this is an important step, so that their

republic continues for the future. Furthermore; Snowball struggles to spread the

35

rebellion to other farms, in an attempt to expand the new republic. For instance; he

moves to the adjoined farms to encourage the rest of the animals to carry out rebellions

against their human masters. Snowball also, makes his best to transfer the new values

and commandments to the animals of the other farms and teaches them the song Beasts

of England. It is obvious that Snowball is a very different character from his rival

Napoleon.

Although Snowball and Napoleon have different characteristics, they share some

similarities. First, they both reject the old regime represented by Mr. Jones. To illustrate,

both Napoleon and Snowball are sick of being controlled by Mr. Jones, and want to kick

him out to take control. Second, Snowball and Napoleon are supporters of the same

ideology and values. For example; they are totally convinced by Old Major's dream that

predicts happiness, freedom, and dignity for all the animals. Third, they elaborate

together to secure the rebellion against Mr. Jones and his men. To explain, Napoleon

and Snowball plan very well before they carry out the rebellion. When Mr. Jones goes at

night to dink and forgets to lock the doors of the farm, they give their orders to the

animals to storm Mr. Jones' store. Then, Mr. Jones' men know about the mess and,

quickly, try to calm the animals down. Few minutes ago, the fight breaks out between

the animals and Mr. Jones' men. The animals win the fight and Mr. Jones has been

kicked out.

Differences between Napoleon and Snowball stand for those between the former

Russian leaders, Stalin and Trotsky. Like Napoleon, Stalin cares about nothing but

authority, and exploits his people for achieving his own purposes. On the other hand,

Trotsky is loyal to Russia and works hard for its security, and prosperity. However;

according to Stalin, he is a source of danger and deserves death. Finally, Trotsky is sent

to exile and then, assassinated by Stalin's forces.

Assignment (2)

Use all the skills you learned so far to write an outline and an essay about one of

these topics.

1. Higher education in Palestine

2. Studying literature

3. Successful English language learners

4. Impact of peace and war on people

5. Disadvantages and advantages of coeducation

36

Editing the revised draft

Editing includes identifying and correcting a variety of mistakes related to:

A) Sentence structure: ambiguity

B) Using appropriate transitions

C) Avoiding redundancy of same ideas (conciseness and preciseness)

D) Avoiding unnecessary shift: verb tense & pronouns

E) Confusables

F) Using appropriate punctuation

G) Using correct spelling

H) Capitalization

It should be noted that most of the mistakes presented in this editing section are real as

they are taken from paragraphs or essays written by students.

A) Sentence structure: ambiguity

While working on his English assignment, Tony‟s computer crashed. (Was the

computer working on the assignment?)

While Tony was working on his English assignment, his computer crashed.

While practicing outside with the soccer team, the noisy construction job

distracted Jim.

While Jim was practicing outside with the soccer team, he was distracted by the

noisy construction job.

OR

The noisy construction job distracted Jim while he was practicing outside with

the soccer team.

Once I join the university, I had taken so many difficult courses. These courses

need more efforts to pass on it. According to the rang of the difficulty between

this courses, I think (Hebron course) is the most difficult one because of some

reasons.

…………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………

37

Choosing to be in English was the result of many reasons. The first reason is

being English language one of my interesting field.

………………………………………………………………………………….

………………………………………………………………………………….

In Korea, there are many students who have thought about suicide. I thinks the

reasons are many kinds of pressure.

………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………..

Poverty leads to fatal diseases and epidemics. Those are resulted from the lack

of notorious food, the imperfect health care and the insufficient public health

care. First, more than half of Palestinian families have one meal a day. This

will cause malnutrition.

………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………..

………………………………………………………………………………..

The second benefit of sports, is establishing feeling of self- esteem .Persons

who are playing sports, contribute to a cause and that makes them feel like they

are important.

……………………..……..……………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………..

…………………………………………………………………………………..

38

B) Using appropriate transitions2

Transitions help to create a sense of coherence and provide signposting for the reader to

follow the writer‟s thread of thought. Transitions can act as "glue" that helps holds your

ideas and your sentences together, and they can help take you and your readers smoothly

and logically from one part of your essay to the next.

Examples

Succeeding in college often is a challenge for students. Most colleges provide

services designed to help students. They include peer tutoring and personal

counseling. Colleges need to provide more services to help students succeed.

Succeeding in college often is a challenge for students. Therefore, most colleges

provide services designed to help students, such as peer tutoring and personal

counseling. However, colleges need to do more to help students succeed.

Three Problems to Avoid

Transitional words and phrases help strengthen writing, but they can be misused. Below

are three things to be wary of as you bring transitional words and phrases into your

essays.

1. Make sure the logical connections are clear as you use transitions.

George's wife stands at the window and looks out at the rain falling on the empty

streets. For example, she sees a cat huddled under a table in the rain.

("For example" does not make sense here because the woman seeing the cat is

not a clear "example" of anything in the first sentence.)

Example: George's wife decides to go out into the rain to get the cat.

Consequently, George sits in bed reading his book.

("Consequently" does not make sense here because it is unclear how George

sitting in bed reading is a consequence of the woman deciding to get the cat.)

2 www.nus.edu.sg/celc/research/books/cwtuc/chapter03.pdf

39

2. Avoid the overuse of transitions

Transitions are supposed to guide readers through your writing, but overuse of

transitional words and phrases can have the opposite effect and can make your

writing confusing.

Example: Writing an essay can be challenging. However, there are techniques

that can make the process a little easier. For example, taking plenty of notes on

the subject can help the writer generate ideas. Therefore, note-taking is an

important "pre-writing" strategy. In addition, some people "free-write," writing

quickly for ten or twenty minutes to see what ideas arise. However, taking notes

and free-writing are only the beginning. Ideas must eventually be organized in a

logical way. Consequently, an outline can help the writer make sense of the

rough material generated through the note-taking and free-writing process.

Therefore, writing an outline is another important step in the writing process.

However, some writers are able to conceptualize a sense of logical order for their

ideas without actually writing an outline. Nevertheless, these writers seem to

have some kind of outline in their minds. In addition, an outline should help the

writer formulate a thesis for the essay. Consequently, an outline can help give

focus to the essay.

(This passage could be stronger with fewer transitional words and phrases.

Especially when the transitions are used at the beginnings of sentences, they can

become annoying or even confusing to readers if they are overused.)

3. Avoid errors that can occur with the use of transitions.

Just like any other words, transitional words and phrases must be used carefully so

that they do not cause errors. Both sentence fragments and comma splices sometimes

occur when transitional words are added to an essay. These two errors are illustrated

below.

Sentence Fragment: Resulting in the woman's search for companionship elsewhere.

George seems to ignore his wife, resulting in the woman's search for

companionship elsewhere.

40

Comma splice: The woman sees the cat out in the rain, however the cat is gone

by the time the woman goes outside.

The woman sees the cat out in the rain; however, the cat is gone by the time the

woman goes outside.

The woman sees the cat out in the rain. However, the cat is gone by the time the

woman goes outside.

Here are some of the common transitions3:

1. To give examples: for example, for instance, such as, specifically

2. To show cause and effect: therefore, hence, thus, as a result, resulting in, so, consequently

3. To contrast: nevertheless, however, but, on the other hand, in contrast, on the contrary, conversely, at the same time, still, although, even though, despite, in spite of

4. To show similarity: likewise, similarly, just as, equally

5. To concede: although, even though, of course, granted, while

6. To elaborate: in addition, additionally, moreover, also, furthermore

7. To emphasize: more importantly, most importantly, chiefly, indeed, in fact, primarily, no doubt

8. To restate: again, in other words, in effect, that is, in short

9. To indicate time: last, at last, eventually, before, after, afterwards, finally, during, then, when, as

10. To indicate place: to the right, to the left, in the background, in the foreground, in the distance

11. To conclude: thus, finally, in the end

Practice / Assignment 1

1. Look back at the example essays (Japanese Education and Should the death penalty

be restored in the UK?). Notice how they “smooth out” the flow of ideas from one

sentence or phrase to the next, clarifying the flow of thought. List all transitions

used and write the function of each next to it.

2. Use any 10 transitions appropriately to write 10 meaningful sentences.

3 http://www2.ivcc.edu/rambo/eng1001/transitions.htm

41

A) Avoiding redundancy of same ideas (conciseness and preciseness)

Conciseness is also a mark of good academic writing. To write an effective essay, you

should learn to write precisely and concisely, using only as many words as are necessary

to convey what you want to say. Do not add words just to lengthen your essay or create

fancy expressions. It is far more important to get your message across effectively.

There are certainly many varieties of English. American English and British English

are two varieties. Is American English really different from British English? Can it

be considered as a new language? American English and British English are

different from each other in terms of spelling, usage of some words, and

pronunciation. (introduction)

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

Many people are captured by the magic of the novels. However; few of them know

that the novel was first written in Europe, and that certain factors led to its

emergence. Actually, there had been 3 factors that led to the emergence of novel the

rise of literacy, printing, and a market economy. (introduction)

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

In fact, the corruptive system of the Catholic churches, that controlled the life,

greatly contributed to lack of literacy. The Catholic churches used to dominate every

aspect of the life in Europe, including the social life.

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

42

Practice / assignment 2

As you read the list, jot down those you know you use on a separate sheet of paper.

Write next to each phrase on your list the correction of that phrase, along with a couple

of sentences using it correctly. This technique will help you retain the information

better.

B) Avoiding unnecessary shift: verb tense & pronouns

.

When we finished our lunch, we decide to take a walk.

Last year the governor said he is campaigning for our candidate.

When a person comes to class, you should have your homework ready.

Kim spends all his time reading and playing soccer, but it is not good for

him. (What isn‟t good for him? Reading, playing soccer, or both?)

It has been years since they spent money on new textbooks. (Who is they?)

I went on the trip with Emily and Nancy, and we took her laptop. (Whose

laptop?)

43

Now, I do not face any problems to make a chat with any one even she or he

was from Japan because all speak one language.

Without any doubt computer give us a good chance communicates with others.

Any computer user can send an e-mail to million of people with one keystroke.

People who have similar interests and problems can easily get together in an on-

line "chat-room" to discuss their issues. Also missing your friend or close

relative is a matter of the past, because nowadays using computer in sending

messages is an easy task.

Although Shakespeare has many merits, he has several demerits as Johnson said.

The first demerit is that Shakespeare did not have a stable point of view.

Sometimes he supported child, women, or king other times, he did not. I think

that, when the writer wrote any work, he had his priority personal life, time,

place ,audience and different emotions. Therefore, his point of view should

change . Here, this demerit shows Shakespeare's capability.

C) Confusables

Use each of the following words in 2 sentences:

- it’s/ its / it is (remember: in academic writing you should not use the contracted

form it’s) - forms like wasn’t, isn’t, don’t, can’t, etc. should not be used in

scientific writing.

- Teach - learn

- Advise (V = to give advice/ inform) advice (N = a recommended opinion)

- Affect (V = to influence), effect (N = result) & effect (V= to bring about)

- assure (V to make certain - assure someone) , ensure (V to make certain) &

insure (V to secure from harm; to secure life or property in case of loss)

- beside (adj = next to) & besides (adv.= in addition to)

44

D) Using appropriate punctuation

Apostrophes form contractions by taking the place of the missing letter or number.

Do not use contractions in highly formal written presentations.

We’re going out of town next week.

We are going out of town next week.

She’s going to write the next proposal.

She is going to write the next proposal.

The comma

Correct usage of commas (,) is not as critical to the meaning of your sentences as it is

with other punctuation marks. However, they can be used to convey your voice as they

speed up or slow down the pace of your sentences. Consider the difference in tone of the

following example:

Sentence A: During my junior year, I attended a conference in Washington,

D.C., where student delegates from every state presented their ideas.

Sentence B: During my junior year I attended a conference in Washington,D.C.

where student delegates from every state presented their ideas.

Sentence A sounds more deliberate, giving a little more information with each clause.

Sentence B reads quicker, conveying the information faster and with equal weight on

each part.

In addition to helping to convey your voice and personality, commas are often misused.

There are two common errors that all college-bound students should be aware of: the

comma splice, and the serial comma.

Comma Splice

A comma splice is the incorrect use of a comma to connect two complete sentences. It

creates a run-on sentence. To correct a comma splice, you can either:

■ replace the comma with a period, forming two sentences

■ replace the comma with a semicolon

■ join the two clauses with a conjunction such as and, because, or so

45

Our school received an award, we raised the most money for the local charity.

Our school received an award. We raised the most money for the local charity.

OR

Our school received an award; we raised the most money for the local charity.

OR

Our school received an award because we raised the most money for the local

charity.

Serial Comma

A serial comma is the one used last in a list of items, after the word and. For instance, in

the following example, the comma after apples is the serial comma:

At the store, I bought bananas, apples, and oranges.

The lack of a serial comma can cause confusion. In the sentence,

Cindy, Ann, and Sally were hired to work in the college counselor’s office.

the message is straightforward. But if the serial comma is dropped, it could be

understood as Cindy being told that Ann and Sally were hired.

Cindy, Ann and Sally were hired to work in the college counselor’s office.

While its use has been debated for centuries, the serial comma clarifies the meaning of

sentences. Therefore, you should use it consistently whenever writing a list.

THE COLON

Colons (:) appear at the end of a clause and can introduce:

■ a list when the clause before the colon can stand as a complete sentence on its own

The classes he signed up for include: geometry, physics, American literature,

and religion.

He signed up for four classes: geometry, physics, American literature, and

religion.

■ a restatement or elaboration of the previous clause

Shari is a talented hairdresser: she is also the mother of two children.

Shari is a talented hairdresser: she attends a seminar each month and has been a

professional for over twenty years.

My teacher wasn‟t in class today: he graduated Summa Cum Laude.

My teacher wasn‟t in class today: he had to fly to Houston to present a paper.

46

THE SEMICOLON

Semicolons (;) may be used in two ways: to separate independent clauses, and to

separate the items in a list when those items contain commas.

52

■ Use semicolons to separate independent clauses.

Case: Use a semicolon to separate independent clauses joined without a conjunction.

Example: Four people worked on the project; only one received credit for it.

Case: Use a semicolon to separate independent clauses that contain commas, even if the

clauses are joined by a conjunction.

Example: The strays were malnourished, dirty, and ill; but Liz had a weakness for

kittens, so she adopted them all.

Case: Use a semicolon to separate independent clauses that are connected with a

conjunctive adverb that expresses a relationship between clauses.

Example: Victoria was absent frequently; therefore, she received a low grade.

■ Use semicolons to separate items in a series that contain commas.

Case: Use a semicolon to show which sets of items go together.

Examples:

The dates for our meetings are Monday, January 10; Tuesday,April 14;Monday, July 7;

and Tuesday, October 11.

She has lived in Omaha, Nebraska; Nutley, New Jersey; Amherst,Massachusetts; and

Pensacola, Florida.

E) Using correct spelling

4You cannot rely on the automatic spell check to correct your spelling for you, since in

English there are many words which have the same sound but different spellings. This

produces many mistakes. Among the most common are:

4 Essay writing & format Guide for Geography- Massey University -

47

F) Capitalization

Capitalization is necessary both for specific words and to start sentences and quotes.

However, many writers overuse it, and thus appear overly casual. There are just six

occasions that require capitalization:

1. the first word of a sentence

2. proper nouns (names of people, places, and things)

3. the first word of a complete quotation, but not a partial quotation

4. the first, last, and any other important words of a title

5. languages

6. the pronoun I, and any contractions made with it

Practice/ Assignment 3

Here are common mistakes taken from students essays. Try to correct any mistake you

can identify.

1. War causes economic problems and make people unhappy and poor, they did not

find money for their families and causes immigration.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

2. In this paragraph we will talk about dislike which is harmful for health.…So, you

can‟t find anyone like it because he knows it causes diseases and restless. Like

all people, there are many things that I dislike very much…..

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………

3. In the past humanity suffer too much from civil and world war…. Where simple

articles are used such as barrowss, sords and knifes

…………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………

48

4. The second reason why war can‟t accepted is the senseless destruction as a result

of war, for example we saw the destruction which happened in many countries in

the second world war (1939-1945) and that requeired hard efforets to mend what

the war destroied, in addition the people who obliged to leave their countries,

and they became refugees with out shelter, and food,

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………

5. The main reason why I am against war is the cost in terms of human. There are

millions of people were killed yearly, many millions were injured, many millions

became handicaped and many millions were imigrated from their destroying

countries.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………

6. Pollution is the main problem which the world face for many reasons such as, it

effects in human, plants and animals.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………

7. In the other hand, the people wounded in the war wait their dark future; they may

lost some parts of their parts of their bodies….

…………………………………………………………………………………………

……………………………………………………………………………………

49

8. Conflict is one of the most essential devices used in novels. It is used by the

novelist for the purpose of showing two or more opposite points of view,

Golding in the Lord of the Flies draws a main conflict between Ralph and Jack,

the protagonist and antagonist. The two have completely different opinions in

terms of leadership, rescue, and building huts.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

9. to write an academic essay the writer should concerns with the following steps;

prewriting, drafting, revising and editing.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

10. As the human being needs to nurrish his body, he also needs to nurrish his soule.

Reading or watching a literary work refreshes your mind and developments.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

11. Plato didn't praise the poets . . . because they wrote about evil things. To

illustrate, their poems concern with religious things like God. In addition, if they

wrote about civil world or any thing like this, they said that god wanted this thing

to happen. For example, one of these poets is Humor. He wrote about God and

religious things.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

50

12. at the end we can consider him [Eliot] a great poet, he work in many faild as

poetry, critic and playwright in 20th C or modern age.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

13. First of all, Lady Macbeth is a hybocrite person, she always tell her husband to

be a hybocrite person like her. To appear his love for the king but in the same

time hide his black attention towards him inside Macbeth.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

14. Furthermore, in mosques students learn a lot about our prophet Mohmamed

PBUH through the religious seminars which are held in mosques. . . . for

example if the mosque director noticed that the student looked up through

practicing the prayer, he took him aside and tell him gently that this is prohibited.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

15. The second reason is that, it makes the world a small village. which we can

communicate with people inside it with great simply , In addition to that , the

internet makes every country in the world as a house in small village.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

16. Second, it teaches some principles to us in writing a paragraph for example: time

order, signal word, using evidences and gathering information.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

51

17. First of all by killing many innocent civilians (mothers, children and oldest) by

random chilling by cannon such as the last massacre in Beit hanoun, and

confiscating of wide distances of lands in order to build their settlement also we

know that the most point which effect in our life is the isolation or the big

present in Gaza and the check points.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

18. Since the start of ALAQSA Intifada about 800 Palestinian children have been

killed by Israeli army, and more than 3000 children are detained in Israeli

prisons. Other statistics are reported that Palestinian Children are imposed to

wildly attack from Israeli defense forces, international organizations have called

to stop Israeli Crimes against Palestinian children, more than 12000 P.C. were

injured by Israeli gunmen.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

19. Many people are captured by the magic of the novels. However; few of them

know that the novel was first written in Europe, and that certain factors led to its

emergence. Actually, there had been 3 factors that led to the emergence of novel

the rise of literacy, printing, and a market economy. (introduction)

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

52

20. The second is students facilities, IUG have a high number of computer labs and

since labs. Now every student have account on the web for IUG he can use it to

registering operation and he have e-mail. Student may exempt from tuition fees

or given loans. IUG have the biggest library in Gaza Strip it contain more than

114,430 book and more than 2,000 student research, and a lot of magazine and

newspaper.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

21. IUG it have 10 faculties such that (Engineer, Information Technology, Nursing,

commerce, since, Education, Arts, Shariah, Ussoul eldeen).

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

22. A sense of humor can help you become a successful teacher. That because a

great teacher not only gives knowledge and information to the students but also

emotional and moral moorings. His sense of humor can relieve tense classroom

situations before they become disruptions.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

…………………………………………………………………………………………

53

Practice/ assignment 4

The 2 essays below were written by 2 students. Carefully read them and do the

following.

1. Write an evaluative paragraph about the problems in both essays.

2. Try to revise its unity following the same criteria mentioned before.

3. Try to edit all mistakes you could identify.

(1) symbolism in king lear

symbolism is an event,object or character that suggests more than it is literal meaning

.symbolism represents abstract ideas or concepts .shakeseare uses storm ,and blidness as

literary symbols to criticized his society

first,shakespeare uses the storm as asymbol in king lear ,to refer to the physical, tubulent

natural reflection of lears internal confusion .at the same time ,the storm embodies the

awesome power of nature ,which forces the powerless king to recognize his own

mortality and human frailty and cultivate asense of humanity .on the other hand the

storm symbolizes some kind of divine ,justic,as if nature itself is angry about the events

in the play

second, shakespeare is not concerned only in the storm as asymbol, but he is also

concerned with blidness ,physical blidness when gloucester lose his eyes and blocked

up his eyes by cornwall because he consider him atraitor,shakespeare wants the audince

to prepare themselves for this savage action ,moral blidness ,both of lear and gloucester

were blind to the truth, they dismissed their loyal children as what happened to cordelia

when her father dismissed herand trusther hypocratic sisters ,also when gloucestertry to

kill his son edger and belive his evil son edmuned .the parallelism between the two men

is clear,both of them have loyal and hypocratic children so they areblidness to the reality

of their children which leads to their catastrophe and tragic end

in coclusion, shakespeare is successful in using symbolism in king lear to classify and

criticize his society to describe the situation in the elizabethean age ,that is every thing

goes up side down ,evil is good , and good is evil so he use symbolism to convey

amassage that blidness is not only physical but also it could be moral one when we could

not see the truth

54

Essay (2) Nutrition

Of course we can't live without food as we can't do without air , because food is one of

the most important foundation in human's life..

It's useful to build the body in good way, so we should choose the best food by

selecting the fresh healthy one to keep yourself fit.

On other hand , it's prefer to prevent yourself to be far away from unhealthy food

such as the fast snakes which we use to eat it in restaurants , because there is a lot of

poisons on it and this could destroy your body.

It's necessary to know that the nutriment system is different from person to another

like children food system isn't like adults and different also from old people , as each

one has his own special needs , because this straight way in good nutrition helps the

body to avoid a lot of diseases either the person is young or old one , it just protect him

safely.

Now if you follow nutriment pyramid you'll feel better , this pyramid contains

meat group , milk ,bread, vegetabales and fuits,sure don't forget water that is needed by

the body.

Finally, here is some advices:

1_try to make your food healthy by having fresh one.

2_eat a lot of fruits and vegetables.

3_ avoid poisons in food

4_practice sport includesYoga to relax your body

Assignment (3)

Use the steps of essay writing (prewriting, drafting, revising and editing) to write

an essay about one of these broad issues.

1. Charity

2. Children

3. Media

4. Polygamy

5. Jerusalem

55

Unit Two: Essay types5

There are many different kinds of essays. The following are some of the most common

ones:

1- The definition essay:

attempts to define a specific term. It could try to pin down the meaning of a specific

word, or define an abstract concept. The analysis goes deeper than a simple

dictionary definition; it should attempt to explain why the term is defined as such. It

could define the term directly, giving no information other than the explanation of

the term. Or, it could imply the definition of the term, telling a story that requires the

reader to infer the meaning.

Examples: A definition essay may try and define . . .

the meaning of an abstract concept, like love;

the true meaning and importance of honesty;

how the meaning of family goes deeper than just your blood relatives.

2- The compare/contrast essay:

discusses the similarities and differences between two things, people, concepts,

places, etc. The essay could be an unbiased discussion, or an attempt to convince the

5 Based on English Works! (2011) - Gallaudet University, Washington, D.C.

http://www.gallaudet.edu/TIP/English_Works/Writing/Different_Kinds_of_Essays.html

56

reader of the benefits of one thing, person, or concept. The essay could discuss both

similarities and differences, or it could just focus on one or the other. A comparison

essay usually discusses the similarities between two things, while the contrast essay

discusses the differences.

Examples: A compare/contrast essay may discuss . . .

the likenesses and differences between two places, like New York City and Los

Angeles;

the similarities and differences between two religions, like Christianity and

Judaism;

two people, like my brother and myself.

Compare/Contrast

3- The cause/effect:

essay explains why or how some event happened, and what resulted from the event.

For example,

- why a volcano erupts, and what happens afterwards;

- what happens after a loved one's death.

This essay is a study of the relationship between two or more events or experiences.

The essay could discuss both causes and effects, or it could simply address one or

the other. A cause essay usually discusses the reasons why something happened. An

effect essay discusses what happens after a specific event or circumstance.

The below example shows a cause essay, one that would explain how and why an

event happened. If this cause essay were about a volcanic eruption, it might go

something like:

57

"Pressure and heat built up beneath the earth's surface; the effect of this was an

enormous volcanic eruption."

The next example shows an effect essay, one that would explain all the effects that

happened after a specific event, like a volcanic eruption. If this effect essay were about a

volcanic eruption again, it might go something like:

"The eruption caused many terrible things to happen; it destroyed homes, forests, and

polluted the atmosphere."

4- The narrative essay:

Tells a story. It can also be called a "short story." Generally the narrative essay is

conversational in style, and tells of a personal experience. It is most commonly

written in the first person (uses I). This essay could tell of a single, life-shaping

event, or simply a mundane daily experience such as

- my brother's and my fishing trips;

- a boring trip to the grocery store;

- my near-death experience at the beach.

58

5- The descriptive essay:

describes traits and characteristics of people, objects, events, feelings, etc in intricate

detail. Whatever is being described will be thoroughly examined. For example, if

you were describing roses, you would explain:

- Where they come from

- What they look like

- What colors they are

- How they grow and smell

Examples: A descriptive essay could describe . . .

a tree in my backyard;

a visit to the children's ward of a hospital;

a hot fudge sundae;

what an athlete did in order to make it to the Olympics.

The descriptive essay provides details about how something looks, feels, tastes, smells,

makes one feel, or sounds. It can also describe what something is, or how something

happened. These essays generally use a lot of sensory details. The essay could be a list-

like description that provides point by point details. Or, it could function as a story,

keeping the reader interested in the plot and theme of the event described.

59

6- The process essay:

describes how something is done. It generally explains actions that should be

performed in a series. It can explain in detail how to accomplish a specific task, or it

can show how an individual came to a certain personal awareness. The essay could

be in the form of step-by-step instructions, or in story form, with the

instructions/explanations subtly given along the way.

- how to properly re-pot a plant;

- how an individual came to appreciate hard work.

7- The argumentative essay:

attempts to persuade the reader to the writer's point of view. The writer can either be

serious or funny, but always tries to convince the reader of the validity of his or her

opinion. The essay may argue openly, or it may attempt to subtly persuade the reader

by using irony or sarcasm.

- he or she should use public transportation instead of driving.

- cats are better than dogs.

60

8- The critical essay:

analyzes the strengths, weaknesses and methods of someone else's work. Generally

these essays begin with a brief overview of the main points of the text, movie, or

piece of art, followed by an analysis of the work's meaning. It should then discuss

how well the author/creator accomplishes his/her goals and makes his/her points. A

critical essay can be written about another essay, story, book, poem, movie, or work

of art.

- how Shakespeare presents the character, Othello, in his play, Othello;

- the strengths and weaknesses of the movie, Children of a Lesser God;

- the use of color in Monet's painting, Sunflowers.

9- Literary Analysis essays:

Literary analysis involves interpreting a work and arguing for a particular way of

understanding it. Such analysis is frequently called "literary criticism," but this phrase

does not necessarily mean finding fault with a work of literature. Rather, literary

analysis critiques, compares, and judges literary works.

In a literary essay you are paying more attention to specifics focusing on such elements

as structure, character, theme, style, tone, and setting. You should adopt a viewpoint

on the work in question and show how the details of the work support your viewpoint.

For example, if you adopt the view that King Lear is a tragic hero, you should support

this with evidence from King Lear play. Another student may adopt the view that King

Lear is a victim to his daughters.

61

Always begin your essay by a brief background and thesis. The background should

include some or all these elements:

Identifying the work and the author.

the "genre" or to the type of work, such as general fiction, science fiction, horror,

fantasy, western, the mystery, etc.

the literary age (Romantic, Victorian, Elizabethan, modern, etc)

the region in which the literary work was written (American, British, South

African).

brief presentation of what the work is about or the social influences at the time it

was written. If you are writing about two poems, for example, you might want to

say that they have similar themes of love and death or appearance versus reality.

The thesis on the other hand should be a specific and clear as exemplified below:

In Henry James‟s The Portrait of a Lady, the imagery of architecture is used to

create characterization.

Comment: Short and direct thesis. It is expect the paragraphs that follow indicate

specific examples of how James uses architecture to "build" his characters' personalities

The poems “I thank you God” by E. E. Cummings, and “The Swing”, by Robert Louis

Stevenson, use visual and tactile imagery to create the sensation of movement.

Peter Straub‟s A Ghost Story and Henry James‟s The Turn of the Screw are alike in that

they both apply characterization in the same ways: they use multiple viewpoints, they

use contradictory explanations of the same events, and they emphasize the changeable

nature of their characters.

Both In time of war by Lesbia Thanet and At The Movies by Florence Ripley Mastin are

poems written about the first world war. The two poems are written by women, and both

show how women feel towards the war when it was happening. Both poems talk about

how the people who went to war were related to the women and therefore show how

they felt about people close to their heart going to war.

62

Practice 1

Quickly read the following 2 essays about the controversial issue of abortion and

try to list all the ideas discussed in each essay in a diagram similar to the one

discussed at the beginning of this book.

Block-by-Block Pattern

Introduction:

(the thesis is

underlined)

Explains the

argument

The Abortion Issue: Compare and Contrast

One of the most divisive issues in America is the controversy surrounding

abortion. Currently, abortion is legal in America, and many people

believe that it should remain legal. These people, pro-choice activists,

believe that it is the women's right to chose whether or not to give birth.

However, there are many groups who are lobbying Congress to pass laws

that would make abortion illegal. These people are called the pro-life

activists.

Explains pro-

choice

Abortion is a choice that should be decided by each individual, argues the

pro-choice activist. Abortion is not murder since the fetus is not yet fully

human, therefore, it is not in defiance against God. Regardless of the

reason for the abortion, it should be the woman‟s choice because it is her

body. While adoption is an option some women chose, many women do

not want to suffer the physical and emotional trauma of pregnancy and

labor only to give up a child. Therefore, laws should remain in effect that

protect a woman's right to chose.

Explains pro-

life

Abortion is an abomination, argues the pro-life activist. It makes no

sense for a woman to murder a human being not even born. The bible

says, "Thou shalt not kill," and it does not discriminate between different

stages of life. A fetus is the beginning of life. Therefore, abortion is

murder, and is in direct defiance of God's will. Regardless of the mother's

life situation (many women who abort are poor, young, or drug users), the

value of a human life cannot be measured. Therefore, laws should be

passed to outlaw abortion. After all, there are plenty of couples who are

willing to adopt an unwanted child.

Conclusion

If we take away the woman‟s right to chose, will we begin limiting her

other rights also? Or, if we keep abortion legal, are we devaluing human

life? There is no easy answer to these questions. Both sides present

strong, logical arguments. Though it is a very personal decision, the fate

of abortion rights will have to be left for the Supreme Court to decide.

63

Point-by-Point Pattern

Introduction:

(the thesis is

underlined)

Explains the

argument

The Abortion Issue: Compare and Contrast

One of the most divisive issues in America is the controversy

surrounding abortion. Currently, abortion is legal in America, and many

people believe that it should remain legal. These people, pro-choice

activists, believe that it is the women's right to chose whether or not to

give birth. However, there are many groups who are lobbying Congress

to pass laws that would make abortion illegal. These people are called

the pro-life activists.

Point One:

Pro-life and Pro-

choice

Supporters of both pro-life and pro-choice refer to religion as support for

their side of the argument. Pro-life supporters claim that abortion is

murder, and is therefore against God's will. However, pro-choice

defenders argue that abortion is not murder since the fetus is not yet a

fully formed human. Therefore, abortion would not be a defiance against

God.

Point Two:

Pro-life and Pro-

choice

Another main point of the argument is over the woman's personal rights,

versus the rights of the unborn child. Pro-choice activists maintain that

regardless of the individual circumstances, women should have the right

to chose whether or not to abort. The pregnancy and labor will affect

only the woman's body, therefore it should be the woman's decision.

Pro-life supporters, on the other hand, believe that the unborn child has

the right to life, and that abortion unlawfully takes away that right.

Conclusion

If we take away the woman‟s right to chose, will we begin limiting her

other rights also? Or, if we keep abortion legal, are we devaluing human

life? There is no easy answer to these questions. Both sides present

strong, logical arguments. Though it is a very personal decision, the fate

of abortion rights will have to be left for the Supreme Court to decide.

(Source: Rory H. Osbrink (2001) English Works! at Gallaudet University, Washington

http://depts.gallaudet.edu/englishworks/writing/comconabort.html

64

Practice 2

Read the following three sample essays and write down your answers to these

questions:

1. What type of essay is each? How do you know?

2. How does the author work from general sentences to a specific thesis sentence in the

introduction?

3. Underline the theses in all essays.

4. Circle all topic sentences.

5. List all transitions and list their function next to each transition.

6. Paragraph by paragraph, try to think why some words, phrases and sentences are

bold, underlined, or italicized by the teacher.

7. Outline all ideas and sub-ideas in a diagram similar to what was discussed above.

Essay (1)

Deep Desires that Transcend Time6

Winning Essay for Literary Analysis,

Beulah Davis Outstanding Freshman Writer Award

William Yeats wrote two poems which are together known as the Byzantium series. The

first is "Sailing to Byzantium," and its sequel is simply named "Byzantium." The

former is considered the easier of the two to understand. It contains multiple meanings

and emotions, and the poet uses various literary devices to communicate them. Two of

the most dominant themes of this poem are the desire for escape from the hardships of

this world and the quest for immortality. These are circumstances of the poet's life that

influenced the composition of the poem. Those personal experiences and Yeats' skillful

use of words come together to emphasize the need, or at least desire, that many people

have for escape and immortality.

The first stanza of "Sailing to Byzantium" describes a society of people who live for

the moment but ignore the wisdom and intellect that the poet finds important. In his

frustration, the poet says in lines 21-22 that his heart is "sick with desire / And fastened

to a dying animal." He is ready to leave this world of apathy and arrive in his holy land

of Byzantium, which is a sort of paradise in his mind. This is evidence of his desire for

escape. In the second stanza, Yeats describes an aged man as "a paltry thing, / A

tattered coat upon a stick" (9-10). It is believed that the poet is describing his own

condition in these lines. The physical weariness he is experiencing causes him to want to

be able to sing through poetry to keep his spirit alive. He believes that his poetry can

6 http://www.rscc.cc.tn.us/owl&writingcenter/OWL/Deep.html

65

help him to transcend time and old age, and that it will take him to his ideal city of

Byzantium. He prays that the sages of God will "be the singing-masters of my soul"

(20). In other words, he wants to be taught how to write the poetry that will sustain his

spirit. This is the poet's attempt at achieving immortality. As long as his poetry still

exists and is read, a part of his soul continues to live.

These two major themes in the poem are enhanced by the writer's use of symbolism.

Byzantium, as mentioned before, is a sort of ideal land, comparable to the scriptural

heaven. This is obviously one of the most predominant symbols in the poem. Another

symbol that carries throughout the work is that of a bird. There is a reference to a bird in

each stanza, but perhaps the best indicator of its meaning is found in stanza 4. Yeats uses

the image of a bird "set upon a golden bough to sing" (30) to refer to the timelessness

and spirit he craves. The bird that is set in gold is there forever, singing for all time, and

the poet longs to be able to sing similarly through his poetry and therefore achieves

immortality. Finally, the metaphor of singing is present in each stanza and reinforces the

poet's desire to be able to create timeless music in poetry. He says that reading poems is

a kind of "singing school" (13) where he can learn to step into that world of immortality.

Similar to the way Yeats uses symbols to enhance this poem, he uses personal

experience to inspire it. Twenty years prior to writing "Sailing to Byzantium," he was

first exposed to Byzantine art. He saw mosaics that are regarded as the basis for most of

the imagery in stanza 3. Also, when Yeats was nearly sixty years old, he suffered high

blood pressure and had difficulty breathing. His wife took him on a Mediterranean tour

to help him relax, and on that tour he saw mosaics that contrasted art with nature. This

explains his statement in the poem that "Once out of nature I shall never take / My

bodily form from any natural thing, / But such a form as Grecian goldsmiths make" (25-

27). In addition, Yeats did not regret leaving his home on this excursion because he was

depressed about his health and dissatisfied with the political situations at home.

Therefore, it is probably that the imaginative voyage the man takes in the poem from

one place to a more appealing one is directly influenced by the poet's feelings at that

time.

"Sailing to Byzantium" is a poem packed with emotion and meaning. It depicts a man

striving to reach a better place while leaving a piece of his soul behind for all time. It

expresses the weariness and frustration that everyone experiences at some point, but

especially with the aging process. It is a poem that encompasses human desires and

emotions and presents them almost as though they were in a dream. However, it is

almost as though the imaginative wording of the poem makes it easier to see the reality

behind its message. The poem refreshes the craving people have for a better world with

no hardships, and the need they have to leave a part of themselves here to sing eternally

"Of what is past, or passing, or to come" (32).

66

Essay (2)

The Real Meaning of Honesty

I think it was my mother who taught me the meaning of honesty. Not because she

actually was honest, but because she lied all the time. She felt that the easiest way out of

any given situation was generally the best way out. And, for her, that generally meant

telling a "little white lie." As a young child I thought it was kind of cool. And, naturally,

when I would come to her with a concern or question wondering what I should do, she

generally advised me to lie.

"Mom, I told Theresa that I would go over to her house, but now I would rather go to

Sue's house to play."

"Tell Theresa you're sick," she would advise. And generally I did. But I didn't seem

blessed with her lack of conscience. On many painful occasions Theresa would find out

that I really went to Sue's house without her. These occasions taught me that it is more

painful to be caught in a lie than it is to tell the truth in the first place. I wondered how it

was possible that my mother had never learned that lesson.

I started thinking of all the lies that I'd heard her tell. I remembered the time she told

someone that her favorite restaurant had closed, because she didn't want to see them

there anymore. Or the time she told Dad that she loved the lawn-mower he gave her for

her birthday. Or when she claimed that our phone lines had been down when she was

trying to explain why she hadn't been in touch with a friend of hers for weeks. And what

bothered me even more were all the times she had incorporated me into her lies. Like the

time she told my guidance counselor that I had to miss school for exploratory surgery,

when she really needed me to babysit. And it even started to bother me when someone

would call for her and she would ask me to tell them that she wasn't there.

So, I started my own personal fight against her dishonesty. When I answered the phone

and it was someone my mother didn't want to talk to, I said, "Louise, mom is here, but

she doesn't want to talk to you." The first time I did it, I think she grounded me, but I

refused to apologize. I told her that I had decided that it was wrong to lie. And the next

time it happened I did the same thing. Finally, she approached me and said, "I agree that

lying is not the best thing to do, but we need to find a way to be honest without being

rude." She admitted that her methods weren't right, and I admitted that mine were a bit

too extreme.

Over the past few years, the two of us have worked together to be honest- and yet kind.

Honesty should mean more than not lying. It should mean speaking the truth in

kindness. Though I started by trying to teach my mom the importance of honesty, I

ended up gaining a deeper understanding of the meaning of the term.

http://depts.gallaudet.edu/englishworks/writing/definition.html

Updated June 1, 2001 Copyright© 1997-present by English Works! at Gallaudet University, Washington, D.C.

67

Advantages and Disadvantages

A Small, Close-Knit Community

by Katherine DeLorenzo

"I'm glad I'm Deaf," said Gallaudet graduate Dawn Taylor. "I wouldn't want to be

hearing." Why, one wonders, would a deaf person say such a thing? Wouldn't all deaf

people rather be hearing if given the chance? Quite the contrary. As hard as it is for

hearing people to believe, many deaf people think they are lucky because of the rich

social and cultural environment their community offers.

For starters, Deaf people are members of a small and close-knit community. The shared

sense of community brings deaf people together in ways that are enriching and

rewarding. For example, because many deaf people have friends across the country, they

are avid travelers. Deaf-owned travel agencies are kept quite busy by clients eager to

criss-cross the country, often for activities such as the National Association of the Deaf

conference, deaf softball and basketball games, and other well-attended events. Rare is

the deaf person who hasn't left his or her state!

Just as there are deaf people all over the world, there are international clubs and events

as well. The World Games for the Deaf allows hundreds of amateur deaf athletes from

many countries around the world to compete in Olympics-style athletic competition. Just

like the Olympics, the games are held every four years in a different country. Of course,

interpreters are needed -- that is, deaf interpreters. When experts fluent in British or

Russian Sign Language can't be found, seasoned participants are adept at using a form of

communication called "gestuno" which is modeled after Esperanto.

In addition, there are a multitude of religious, social, and charitable organizations

established, managed, and attended by deaf people. Rabbinical scholars might find the

Wolk Center for Deaf Jewish Studies helpful. If the Deaf Aviators Club isn't your thing,

perhaps you'd like to attend a reading given by the National Deaf Literary Society? If

flush, you can always donate extra funds to the local Deaf Dalmatians Society chapter,

run by -- who else -- a deaf person. And don't forget to pick up a copy of DeafNation, so

you'll know when Deaf West Theater or the National Theater of the Deaf will be in

town. Looking for an aspiring actor to star in your next film? Don't forget to fax a note

to the Deaf Entertainment Guild.

So the next time a hearing person says it's a hardship to be deaf, just count all of the

advantages on your fingers. Unlike a hearing person who doesn't sign, you won't have to

stop at ten.

http://depts.gallaudet.edu/englishworks/writing/advantages.html

Updated March 8, 2002 Copyright© 1997-present by English Works! at Gallaudet University, Washington, D.C.

68

Assignment (4)

Use the steps of essay writing (prewriting, drafting, revising and editing) to

write an essay about one of these broad issues. Use the following evaluation

criteria checklist before you submit your essay.

1. Resistance literature

2. Children literature

3. Criticism of a literary work

4. A comparison of 2 literary works or 2 literary figures

5. Palestinian literature

Evaluation criteria checklist for Essays

No Criteria

1. Title Specific

Capitalized

Centralized

2. Introduction Brief background (2-3 sentences)

Clear & specific thesis with 3 points (one sentence)

3. Body 3 separated paragraphs

3 topic sentences

Each topic sentence is supported with 3 specific evidence

4. Unity

Clear topic sentences with a specific point mentioned in the

thesis

Relevant & sufficient supporting evidence

5. Organization Logical sequence of ideas

No redundancy

6. Coherence

Proper use of transitions: between & within paragraphs Parallelism of words & phrases

Consistency: verb tense & person and number

7. Conclusion A summary of the 3 points mentioned in the introduction

Giving a comment

8. Sentences Correct & Clear

No fragments

Varied sentence beginning & length

9. Punctuation

10. Spelling

11. Capitalization

12. Formatting Attractive appearance

69

Title

Font size: (12)

Font type: (Times New Roman)

Clear hand writing

Margins & spaces

Indentation

Not bold nor italicized

Essay Checklist

Structure &

Content

Introduction The position/argument/thesis of the essay is clearly stated Background information and definitions are included - if necessary

The scope of the essay is clearly stated

The arguments in the body of the essay are previewed

Body Paragraphs are arranged in logical order Paragraphs support the position/thesis as stated in the introduction

Each paragraph includes topic sentence(s), explanation and proof

Conclusion The main argument/thesis is restated The major findings are summarised

A final statement has been made

Reference list The Reference List is started on a new page All references used in the essay are listed

References are in alphabetical order

Referencing style from CQU Guide for Students has been followed

Information Sources Sources meet the required academic standard Most sources have been used more than once

Sources are relevant to the essay topic

References In-text references All ideas from sources have been referenced All direct and indirect quotes have been referenced

All statistics, tables and figures have been referenced

Requirements Assignment requirements The number of words is within the set word limit The number of general sources used meets minimum requirements

The correct number of academic sources have been used

70

Language Grammar and Spelling The verb tense used is consistent throughout the essay The subject and verb agree (plural/singular)

The spelling has been checked

Words replaced by the spell checker have been checked for meaning

Academic Language The essay is written in the third person Transition words are used to signal changes in text

No contractions and abbreviations have been used

Presentation Correct font style & size used (usually size 12 Times Roman) Line spacing is 1.5

Right and left margins are 3 cm

Each page has a page number, student name and student ID number

Assignment coversheet is attached to the front of the essay