This article was downloaded by: [University of North Texas]On: 09 November 2014, At: 09:16Publisher: RoutledgeInforma Ltd Registered in England and Wales Registered Number: 1072954Registered office: Mortimer House, 37-41 Mortimer Street, London W1T 3JH,UK

Journal of Couple &Relationship Therapy:Innovations in Clinical andEducational InterventionsPublication details, including instructions forauthors and subscription information:http://www.tandfonline.com/loi/wcrt20

A Review of “Intimacy AfterInfidelity: How to Rebuild &Affair-Proof Your Marriage”Paul S. Stanford MS aa Florida State University , Tallahassee, FLPublished online: 11 Oct 2008.

To cite this article: Paul S. Stanford MS (2008) A Review of “Intimacy After Infidelity:How to Rebuild & Affair-Proof Your Marriage”, Journal of Couple & RelationshipTherapy: Innovations in Clinical and Educational Interventions, 7:2, 180-181, DOI:10.1080/15332690802107263

To link to this article: http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/15332690802107263

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BOOK REVIEWS

Sara A. Smock, Book Review Editor

INTIMACY AFTER INFIDELITY: HOW TO REBUILD & AFFAIR-PROOF YOUR MARRIAGE. Solomon, S. D., & Teagno, L. J. Oakland,CA: New Harbringer Publications, 2006, 189 pp., $14.95 (paperback).

Intimacy After Infidelity uses an emotion-focused approach to help vic-tims of infidelity overcome the aftermath of an affair. Solomon and Teagnofocus on improving individuals’ quality of life as well as guiding couplesdown a path to reconstruction. Initial discovery of the affair, relationship as-sessment, stages of love, intimacy types, infidelity types, and relationshiprebuilding are the main topics of the book. Example couples, or “com-panion couples,” illustrate the topics by following couples throughout thebook. The book also includes several exercises to promote individual andcouple growth.

The first few chapters help the reader, presumably the victim, workthrough the initial shock of the affair by utilizing the authors’ four decadesof combined clinical experience. General definitions and clarifications givethe reader insight and a sense that they are not alone. Assessments, bothindividual and relational, provide tools to the victim for coping and decisionmaking.

Next, the authors present the four stages of love: sweet symbiosis, souredsymbiosis, differentiation, and synergy. Solomon and Teagno describe thetypical growth process in “long-term love relationships” and acknowl-edge that all relationships start on a high note but inevitably encounterhurts and disappointment. This chapter assists the reader in identifying

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Journal of Couple & Relationship Therapy, Vol. 7(2), 2008Available online at http://jcrt.haworthpress.com

C© 2008 by The Haworth Press, Inc. All rights reserved.doi: 10.1080/15332690802107263

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Book Reviews 181

when the relationship started to experience struggles and reactions to thestrain.

The authors suggest intimacy as the essential factor enabling sustainedlong-term love relationships. Both the victim and the perpetrator are en-couraged to begin with self-intimacy, creating a foundation for conflictintimacy and eventually affection intimacy. Fostering self-intimacy allowseach individual to improve themselves regardless of whether they decideto continue the relationship. The emotional self-awareness exercise givesreaders tools to identify the situation causing the emotion, the emotionsthemselves, and self-care strategies.

The authors continue by presenting three typical infidelity types:fear, loneliness, and anger. Readers can determine the emotion thatmay have led to their partner’s infidelity. Once the emotion behindthe infidelity is identified the reader can begin to understand whythe infidelity may have occurred and how to address the precipitatingemotions.

Finally, the book turns to the task of rebuilding the injured relation-ship and preventing future infidelities. These last two chapters review theprevious chapters and encourage the reader to utilize this information toget past the pain and anger while rebuilding the trust. The authors includeseveral detailed individual and relational exercises designed to aid couplesthrough the rebuilding process. In addition, the book teaches individualsto move past the betrayal and create a new relationship that guards againstall three infidelity types.

Intimacy After Infidelity, unlike other infidelity resources, is useful forindividuals who have suffered from infidelity regardless of whether rec-onciliation is the ultimate goal. The four companion couples give readersreal life examples of the process at various stages. The book also suf-ficiently incorporates the perpetrating partner and distinguishes the dif-ferent processes that each partner will likely experience. The authorswrite in a manner that is easy to understand for the lay public. Clini-cians should feel comfortable recommending this book to their clients asa tool. It is a fantastic resource for both individual growth and reconcilingcouples.

Paul S. Stanford, MSFlorida State University

Tallahassee, FL

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