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o you ever feel like some daysyou just can’t win? Troubleseems to find you: A parentyells at you in front of the kids,a field trip falls apart when

your sixth graders run rampant throughthe art museum, or a precocious secondgrader has his own interpretation of theconcept “Show and Tell.” We’ve all beenthere. They never seem to cover this inteacher training, do they?

But get a group of teachers together,and in addition to those “Carl is finallyreading at grade level” boasts, you’ll

start to hear about it. Handling upset parents, unexpected kid behavior, andtouchy school politics are some of thetoughest parts of the job.

It never hurts to have an emergencyplan or two tucked away and a fewtried-and-true strategies you can counton. That’s why we posed a batch ofsticky classroom situations to communi-cation experts and seasoned teachersand asked them for their best advice onkeeping cool while cleaning up themess. Who couldn’t use a little help with that?

STICKY SITUATION #1:A parent volunteer is gossipingabout your students. Mrs. G. is a great help in your classroom.She makes photocopies, works on yourWeb site, and sings likes an angel. Shealso tells her neighbors Kendra is onRitalin, Lindsey might get left back, andeverything else she overhears. Good grief.>QUICK CLEAN UP: Call Mrs. G. right away, say Cheli Cerra and RuthJacoby, former teachers and authors

A TEACHER’S GUIDE TO

Solutions and strategies for teaching’s unexpected challenges. By Dana Truby

of Teacher Talk: The Art of EffectiveCommunication. But before you do, jotdown a quick script of what you want tosay. Be clear and firm without alienatingher. Try telling her that you appreciateeverything she does, and so do the chil-dren, but it is important that she respectthe confidentiality of the classroom. Ifshe did “accidentally” talk about a child,it’s important that she never do so again.Let her know the consequences: She willno longer be welcome as a volunteer.>LONG-TERM STRATEGY: Work with yourschool to develop behavior guidelinesfor volunteers that strongly emphasizeconfidentiality. Have volunteers read andsign them at the beginning of the year,suggest Cerra and Jacoby.

STICKY SITUATION #2: Several colleagues invite you tojoin in their daily gripe sessions.Every day, Mary, Elaine, and Bob eatlunch together and dish on the latest“inane” faculty meeting, new teachermess-up, or kid misbehavior. You want tofit in, but it really brings you down. >QUICK CLEAN UP: Tell the chatters youwish you could stick around but youhave so much work. Then use your fewfree minutes on things that uplift you. Go for a spring walk, read 15 pages ofthat bestseller you tucked away, or catchup on paperwork. If you do join in oncein a while, consistently redirect the con-versation to more positive subjects andthey just may get the message.>LONG-TERM STRATEGY: If you find yourself frequently socializing with agroup whose teaching you don’t admire,it’s time to re-evaluate, says YvonneBender, author of The Tactful Teacher.Seek out more like-minded colleagueseven if they teach another grade.

STICKY SITUATION #3: A parent thinks the classicnovel you assigned is racist.Your eighth graders are reading HarperLee’s To Kill a Mockingbird and you

have plans to screen the 1962 film inclass. But Shane’s dad is really upsetabout it, and now you are not sure what to do. >QUICK CLEAN UP: Invite Shane’s dad infor a conference or find a quiet time totalk on the phone and ask him to explainhow he sees it. Listen openly, even if youdon’t agree. “Parents want to be heard,and know that someone is on their side,”advises child psychologist SamanthaHowie of Upper Dublin, Pennsylvania.“Afterwards, you can share why youchose the novel and how you areapproaching it with your students.” Lookfor solutions. Would Shane’s dad like toobserve and perhaps contribute to thediscussion? Could you offer anotherbook as an alternate reading choice?>LONG-TERM STRATEGY: You can preempt many problems by keepingparents informed. When they know and trust you, they are less likely to go on the offensive. Send home a letterto parents before your students embark

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In the hot seat? Here’s howto keep your cool 1STAY OBJECTIVE: When a parent or

administrator is upset, it’s hard to keepcalm, says Yvonne Bender, author of TheTactful Teacher. Rwe all get angry at times.The trick is to refuse to return the anger.

2LISTEN ACTIVELY: Let the person havetheir say. Try to see his or her point of

view and reflect it back. For example, “Ican see why that would have upset you.”

3LOOK FOR COMMON GROUND: If yourgoal is resolving a problem, you must

be willing to compromise. Focus on find-ing a mutually-acceptable solution, not onfinding a way to “win.”

on highly-charged subjects of study.Share your plans and your perspectiveand offer parents the opportunity to give feedback. Laying the groundworkcan go a long way towards gaining families’ support.

STICKY SITUATION #4: Your substitute reports that your students behaved like wildmonkeys while you were out. As if the stomach flu weren’t badenough, you come back from a sick dayand find out your students were hellions.Even worse, poor Miss K. had to bringthe principal in to control them. >QUICK CLEAN UP: Talk to Miss K. andyour principal and get the whole story.Apologize and let your principal knowthat you have a plan to keep this fromhappening again. Then face the real culprits and have a stern heart-to-heart. >LONG-TERM STRATEGY: Early on, shareyour expectations for behavior withyour class, says Kenneth Shore, authorof Elementary Teacher’s DisciplineProblem Solver. “Let your students knowthat your classroom rules are in fulleffect when there is a ‘guest teacher’ andyou expect their best behavior.” Also,you might have students evaluate theirown behavior after each substitute day.It’s a good way of holding them account-able for their own actions.

STICKY SITUATION #5: One of your students tells hispeers they are going to Hell.Justin is well-behaved and devout.Perhaps too devout. He keeps proselytiz-ing to his classmates. If they don’trespond, he tells them their prospectsfor Heaven are extremely unlikely. >QUICK CLEAN UP: “I would talk to thechild privately,” says veteran third-gradeteacher Julie Kirkpatrick-Carroll, whohas faced a similar situation. “Explainthat while you understand his religiousbeliefs are very important to him, it’s notokay to make others feel bad if they

don’t share the same belief.” Next step:Call his parents and share the conversa-tion you had with Justin, so there is nopossible misunderstanding. >LONG-TERM STRATEGY: “With kids,action speaks louder than words,” saysDana Williams, columnist for TeachingTolerance (www.tolerance.org). Giveequal time to all of your students’ culturalbeliefs and special days. Model therespect for cultural difference you wantto see. At the same time you might wantto take some time for a history lesson onthe separation of church and state.

STICKY SITUATION #6: A parent complains to you about one of your colleagues. You loved having Sarah in your classlast year. But neither Sarah nor hermother are too happy with her currentteacher and you’re the one hearingabout it. Worse, you think some of the

complaints they have are quite valid. >QUICK CLEAN UP: “Do not take sides,”says Laurie Puhn, a communicationexpert and author of Instant Persuasion:How to Change Your Words to ChangeYour Life. “This is not your conflict.Maintain your neutrality and yet be sup-portive.” Teacher Kirkpatrick-Carroll suggests helping Sarah’s mom expressher thoughts. “I would ask her what shefeels is the best way for her child to be a successful learner, then I’d send herright to the child’s teacher.” >LONG-TERM STRATEGY: It’s a good ideato mention your conversation to yourcolleague, but keep it simple. Say“Sarah’s mom came to see me about how Sarah’s doing. I told her she neededto talk to you.” After that, hold yourtongue, advises Puhn. “Don’t give adviceunless you are asked for it. This showsthe other person you are trying to behelpful, not critical.” And who wouldn’tappreciate that! nnADDITIONAL REPORTING BY AMY MILLER.

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