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Starting and Sustaining Flow

A three-stage model for theeffective use of RelationalFlow in coaching

David Drake

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Relational Flow Training

� Characteristics of flow and relational flow

� Relational competence skills

� How to start and sustain relational flow

� Emotional intelligence skills

� Relational flow outcomes – readiness and self-efficacy

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Relational Flow Definition

� Definition of relational flow:

� You and your client are fully challenged at ahigh level of skill and awareness.

� You co-create an energizing and empoweringexperience.

� You both spiral to a new place where you aresmarter, wiser, and more able to succeed thanever before.

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Relational Flow Training

Self-assessment

Rate your relational flow ability out of 10 beforeand after training:

� Enter flow state

� Invite your client into flow state

� Initiate and sustain relational flow

� Use flow states to improve results

Training Goal:

� Increase awareness of and adeptness withstages of relational flow

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Next Steps

Today we will help you:

� Increase your ability to move around the dancefloor with grace and success

We will develop the skills of:

� Listening for and identifying markers for flow

� Moving from non-flow to flow states

� Using inquiry to initiate or enter flow

� Being a reflective practitioner

� Helping people get unstuck and back into flow

� Harnessing flow to to achieve results

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Finding Points of Leverage

with gratitude to Steve Levin

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Adaptive Listening

•Structure for new behavior•What is being said DIFFERENTLY

•Vision for new options•What WANTS to be said

•Agenda for meaningful change•What IS NOT being said

•Empathy for fellow human•What IS being said

Goal of listeningWhat is listened for

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Know and trust yourself and the wave

When we drop the blinder of our preconceptions,we are virtually propelled by everycircumstance into the present time and thepresent mind: the moment, the whole momentand nothing but the moment. This is the stateof mind taught by improvisation . . .

(R. Nachmanovitch, Free Play)

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Being Out of Flow

� What can we learn/gain from being out ofFlow?

� What do we typically do when we encounterthese non-Flow states—in ourselves or ourclients?

� What do our behaviors tell us about ourassumptions about Flow and optimalwellness?

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What state are we in?

As we travel through the coaching session, howcan we recognize the various non-Flow states?

� Low versus high manifestations

� Low versus high responses

� Mirroring and matching in relationship to moveclient toward Flow state and competency

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Moving from Non-Flow States to

Flow

There is a latent resource trapped within eachnon-Flow state that can be released toaccelerate the client’s development/progress.

� Apathy: Meaning

� Worry: Concern

� Anxiety: Energy

� Arousal: Fear

� Control: Power

� Relaxation: Satisfaction

� Boredom: Values

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Surfing the Waves of Flow

Where are you and your clients on the wave?

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Three Stages of Flow in Coaching

ENGAGE EXPERIENCE EXECUTE

Attention Awareness Action

Discover Expand Create newwhat matters sense of self path to success

Focus

Purpose

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Engage: Moving into Flow

Conditions of Flow often seen here:

� Focused attention

� Loss of Ego

� Conscious clarity and acceptance of what IS

� Ability to be in the tension betweenAnxiety/Arousal and Control/Relaxation—and intentionally surrender

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Miller’s Law: If you want to understand

what other people are saying, you have to

assume that what they are saying is true.

So then you have to figure out what’s

going on within their world view that

makes it true.

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Skills to Enhance the Start of Flow

In sensing the approaching wave, where do youstand and when do you move? What happensas a result? How well can you adjust?

� Identify markers

� Notice shifts in energy

� Recognize patterns

� Reflect on your practice

Discover whatmatters

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Getting People Unstuck to Increase

Their Access to Flow

Moving back and forth in the Story we tell:fortunately, unfortunately, and the the need forengaged non-attachment

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Be Courageous in Moving into Flow

Ask more powerful questions when you observe:

� A change in person’s voice, narration, energyor body language

� A gap between person’s story and actualexperience, her intention and action

� Marked out words, phrases, images, gestures,patterns, etc.

� Hints of a new story

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Experience: Being in the Presence of

Flow

Conditions of Flow often seen here:

� Immediate feedback

� Priority of present moment

� Altered sense of time

� Sense of spaciousness

� No separation/one with environment

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Skills to Enhance Experience of Flow

As you position yourself at an optimal point onthe wave, what do you notice? Whatadjustments do you have to make at first to stayin touch with and harness the wave?

� Return to trust

� Deepen your compassion

� Hold up loving mirror; bring voice to images

� Challenge your assumptions, need for control

� Create new place to “stand” in the experience

Expand senseof self

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Know and Trust Yourself

(and the Wave)

Almost everyone who comes for coaching istrying very hard to fix some aspect of their lifethey don’t like. However, there is a relativeeffortlessness by which change for the bettertakes place when people stop trying so hardand trust in their capacity to learn from theirown experience.

(adapted from Tim Gallwey, The Inner Game of Work)

P = p-I Performance = potential-interference

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Ride the Flow to Reach the Shore

Conditions of Flow often seen here:

� Clear goals

� Opportunity fits capacity

� Effortless control

� Vision for high performance

� Sense of joy and fulfillment in the NOW

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Skills to Reach the Shore

How much do you trust yourself to go for it?What role does reaching the beach play? Canyou get into the rhythm of it?

� Suspend judgment

� Notice when more skill or challenge are needed

� Build bridges between experiences and newactions and between intentions and goals

� Create structures for success (muscle memoryand mantras)

Create newpath to success

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Bringing Your Self into Flow

Improving the capacity to change one’s self-definition is of greater and more lasting valuethan effecting any specific change .

(Daniel J. Wiener, Rehearsals for Growth)

If we want people to adopt new behaviors andattain new results, we must help them build anidentity from which to do so.

(David Drake)

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Putting the relational in Flow

Four questions: An improv

� It is . . .

� You are . . .

� I am . . .

� Thou art . . .

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Coaching Demonstration

� Listen for the three E’s

� Notice your running commentary

� Track the “wave”

� Share your experience and feedback

� Connect to your own practice