Recognizing and Confronting

the Office Bully

A workshop for employees everywhere

1. Definition and Examples of Bullying2. Impact of Bullying on the Organization3. Impact of Bullying on their Targets4. A Description of Bullies5. Identifying Bullying Behavior6. What to do when Bullied7. What to do when Bullying is reported to

you

Topics for Discussion

“Persistent verbal and nonverbal aggression

at work, that includes personal attacks, social ostracism, and a multitude of other painful messages and hostile interactions."

Office Bullying

Shouting Name-calling Belittling or criticizing Giving them the silent treatment Excluding a co-worker from company,

departmental, or group events Encouraging others to dislike, avoid or

exclude a co-worker

Tactics used by Bullies

Staring, glaring, or showing clear signs of

hostility

Being treated with disrespect

Exhibiting frightening mood swings

Deliberately overloading their target with work

Making up rules impossible to follow

Setting up their target to fail

Tactics used by Bullies

Making someone feel bad or ashamed Purposely withholding information from

their target Start, or fail to stop, destructive rumors Steal Credit for their Target’s work Lie about their Target’s work

performance Making their Target feel unwelcome

Tactics used by Bullies

Bullying causes the organization to suffer from:

Loss of productivity Loss of departmental morale Staff disengagement Increased staff turnover Lowered community reputation Increased interest by the media Risk of litigation Risk of violence

Impact of Bullying

Reasons why former employees were bullied:

Independent and not subservient enough

More technical competence than their supervisors

Better liked by staff and customers Being ethical, honest and willing to

expose fraud

Impact of Bullying

Targets of bullying can develop:

anxiety, depression, high blood pressure, migraines, stomach troubles, and post-traumatic stress disorder.

Impact of Bullying

Other effects include:

Disrupted social life Loss of friendships Social Ostracization Professional Marginalization Promotions denied Loss of job

Impact of Bullying

Bullies…

usually have an organizational power advantage over their target(s).

don’t think they have a problem. don’t know how to accept feedback. don’t know how to apologize. don’t recognize themselves as bullies.

Office Bullying

Get defensive. Claim their target is over reacting. Claim there would not be a problem if

their target would let it go and move on. Say their target, “Shouldn’t feel that

way.” Blame their target for their behavior. Claim to be the real victim here.

Bullies, when Confronted

Want to move forward Don’t want to rehash the past. Want to put this behind us for the

good of the organization.

Bullies, when Confronted

Don’t be confused about who the

bullies are

Bullies try to confuse management Bullies try to encourage doubt Bullies try to play the victim

Who are the Bullies?

1. A Group vs. an Individual2. Excuses and False Reasons3. Unjustified Causation4. Hierarchy Rules

Tests to Identify the Bullies

Bullies will not change without being confronted

But don’t expect for bullies to… …‘all of a sudden’ understand the negative

impact of their behavior …feel the need to apologize …change unless there are negative

consequences for their behavior

Changing Behavior

Employees will show mutual respect for others, basic courtesy, reciprocity

(treating others as we wish to be treated),

and behaviors that create a positive environment in which to learn and to work.

Code of Conduct and Standards of Behavior for

Employees

Their bullying… is not about your work is not about the work of your

department or the organization

It’s about their own private agenda

Signs of a Bully’s Behavior

Bullies use office-related social occasions to exclude, ostracize, and isolate their targets.

When a group of co-workers join a bully in ostracizing a colleague, it’s called Mobbing.

Co-workers participate in mobbing because they are afraid not to.

Events

1. A summer company picnic

2. Lunch out with your department

3. Gatherings at Out-of-town Conferences

4. A Happy Hour organized by employees

4. Lunch out hosted by another department

5. Hosting a party at your house

Company or Private Event?

What do you do if someone is excluding a member of your department from a social or professional event?

What if the bully refuses to be inclusive?

What should you do?

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” “I’m sorry if you were offended.” “I’m sorry about X, but…”

Bullies are poor at Apologizing

“I’m sorry you feel that way.” “I’m sorry if you were offended.” “I’m sorry about X, but…”

A better method: 1. “I’m sorry I…”2. “I promise…”3. “What can I do to make this right?” or

“Can you forgive me?”

Bullies are poor at Apologizing

Keep a diary of events Tell you family about what is happening to you Talk with your director, manager, or supervisor If the bullying continues, take it higher up Contact your Human Resources department Contact your Employee Assistance Plan (EAP)

What should you do?

Don’t react strongly Don’t show you are angry or upset Don’t try to retaliate Don’t believe what they say about you

Act courteously and professionally

Suggested Behavior

Why do co-workers allow bullying to occur? They are afraid of the bully They expect someone in authority to step in They expect “The Company” to DO something They are bullies themselves and don’t want

their behavior questioned They are getting something out of it

themselves

And so it continues…

The President of the Company?

The Board? Human Resources?

Someone else?

The Real Answer: You and your colleagues

Who will stop the Bully?

Do not force the target to sit down with

the bully in mediation

If you witnessed the behavior, talk directly with the bully

Delayed interventions are very effective

Be a Leader!

Employee Assistance Program (EAP) Human Resources Your manager or supervisor

Books: The Bully-Free Workplace by Gary and

Ruth Namie Bully Free at Work: What You Can Do To

Stop Workplace Bullying Now! by Valerie Cade

Resources