a young girls diary - sigmund freud

8/11/2019 A Young Girls Diary - Sigmund Freud

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A Young Girl's Diary

Sigmund Freud

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A Young Girl's Diar

Prefaced !ith a "etter b Sigmund Freud

December& /003 4Etext 51678

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t!o studentsN said the mistress !hen !e came a!a)She told us to !rite to her from the countr) 2 shall)

Rul /6th) "i::i& .ella's sister& is not so horridas Dora& she is al!as so nice( To@da she ga%eeach of us at least ten chocolate@creams) 2t's true

.ella often sas to me NYou don't no! her& !hata beast she can be) VYourV sister is generall %ernice to me)N #ertainl it is %er funn the !a in!hich she al!as s$eas of us as Nthe little onesNor Nthe children&N as if she had ne%er been a childherself& and indeed a much littler one than !e are)-esides !e're just the same as she is no!) She is inthe fourth class and !e are in the first)

To@morro! !e are going to ?altenbach in Trol)2'm frightfull excited) .ella !ent a!a to@da to.ungar to her uncle and aunt !ith her mother and

"i::i) .er father is at manoeu%res)

Rul /0th) 2t's a!full hard to !rite e%er dain the holidas) E%erthing is so ne! and one hasno time to !rite) e are li%ing in a big house inthe forest) Dora bagged the front %eranda straightoff for her o!n !riting) At the bac of the housethere are such s!arms of horrid little flies e%erthingis blac !ith flies) 2 do hate flies and suchthings) 2'm not going to $ut u$ !ith being dri%enout of the front %eranda) 2 !on't ha%e it) -esides&Father said NDon't Muarrel& children(N V#hildrenV

to VherV too( (H .e's Muite right) She $uts on suchairs because she'll be fourteen in ;ctober) NThe%erandas are common $ro$ert&N said Father)Father's al!as so just) .e ne%er lets Dora lordit o%er me& but >other often maes a fa%ourite ofDora) 2'm !riting to .ella to@da) She's not !rittento me et)

Rul 7/st) .ella has !ritten to me& J $ages& andsuch a joll letter) 2 don't no! !hat 2 should do!ithout her( Perha$s she !ill come here in Augustor $erha$s 2 shall go to sta !ith her) 2 thin 2

!ould rather go to sta !ith her) 2 lie $aing long%isits) Father said Ne'll see&N and that meanshe'll let me go) hen Father and >other sa e'llsee it reall means Yes but the !on't sa NesNso that if it does not come off one can't sa that theha%en't e$t their !ord) Father reall lets me doanthing 2 lie& but not >other) Still& if 2 $racticem $iano regularl $erha$s she'll let me go) 2 mustgo for a !al)

Rul 77nd) .ella !rote that 2 $ositi%el must!rite e%er da& for one must ee$ a $romise and !e

s!ore to !rite e%er da) 2) ) ) )

Rul 7Brd) 2t's a!ful) ;ne has no time) Yesterda


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!hen 2 !anted to !rite the room had to be cleanedand D) !as in the arbour) -efore that 2 had not!ritten a VsingleV !ord and in the front %eranda allm $ages ble! a!a) e !rite on loose $ages) .ellathins it's better because then one does not ha%e totear anthing out) -ut !e ha%e $romised one another

to thro! nothing a!a and not to tear anthing u$)h should !eQ ;ne can tell a friend e%erthing)A $rett friend if one couldn't) Yesterda !hen 2!anted to go into the arbour Dora glared at mesa%agel& saing hat do ou !antQ As if thearbour belonged to her& just as she !anted to bagthe front %eranda all for herself) She's too sicening)

Yesterda afternoon !e !ere on the ?olber@?ogel)2t !as lo%el) Father !as a!full joll and !e$elted one another !ith $ine@cones) 2t !as joll)2 thre! one at Dora and it hit her on her $added bust)

She let out such a ell and 2 said out loud You couldn'tfeel it VthereV) As she !ent b she said Pig( 2t doesn'tmatter& for 2 no! she understood me and that !hat2 said !as true) 2 should lie to no! !hat VsheV !ritesabout e%er da to Eria and !hat she !ritesin her diar) >other !as out of sorts and staed athome)

Rul 7Jth) To@da is Sunda) 2 do lo%e Sundas)Father sas You children ha%e Sundas e%er da)That's Muite true in the holidas& but not at othertimes) The $easants and their !i%es and children

are all %er ga& !earing Trolese dresses& just liethose 2 ha%e seen in the theatre) e are !earingour !hite dresses to@da& and 2 ha%e made a greatcherrstain u$on mine& not on $ur$ose& but because2 sat do!n u$on some fallen cherries) So this afternoon!hen !e go out !aling 2 must !ear m $indress) All the better& for 2 don't care to be dressedexactl the same as Dora) 2 don't see !h e%eroneshould no! that !e are sisters) "et $eo$le thin !eare cousins) She does not lie it either 2 !ish 2ne! !h)

;s!ald is coming in a !ee& and 2 am a!full$leased) .e is older than Dora& but 2 can al!as geton !ith him) .ella !rites that she finds it dull !ithoutme so do 2)

Rul 76th) 2 !rote to Fraulein Prucl to@da)She is staing at Achensee) 2 should lie to see her)E%er afternoon !e bathe and then go for a !al)-ut to@da it has been raining all da) Such a bore)2 forgot to bring m $aint@box and 2'm not allo!edto read all da) >other sas& if ou gobble all ourboos u$ no! ou'll ha%e nothing left to read) That's

Muite true& but 2 can't e%en go and s!ing)

Afternoon) 2 must !rite some more) 2'%e had a


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frightful ro! !ith Dora) She sas 2'%e been fiddling!ith her things) 2t's all because she's so untid)As if VherV things could interest me) Yesterda sheleft her letter to Eria ling about on the table& andall 2 read !as .e's as handsome as a Gree god)2 don't no! !ho NheN !as for she came in at that

moment) 2t's $robabl ?rail ,udi& !ith !hom sheis e%erlastingl $laing tennis and carries on lieanthing) As for handsome@@!ell& there's no accountingfor tastes)

Rul 73th) 2t's a good thing 2 brought m dolls'$ortmanteau) >other said You'll be glad to ha%eit on rain das) ;f course 2'm much too old to $la!ith dolls& but e%en though 2'm // 2 can mae dolls'clothes still) ;ne learns something !hile one is doingit& and !hen 2'%e finished something 2 do enjo it so)>other cut me out some things and 2 !as tacing

them together) Then Dora came into the room andsaid .ullo& the child is se!ing things for her dolls)hat chee& as if she had ne%er $laed !ith dolls)-esides& 2 don't reall $la !ith dolls an longer)hen she sat do!n beside me 2 se!ed so %igorouslthat 2 made a great scratch on her hand& and said;h& 2'm so sorr& but ou came too close) 2 ho$eshe'll no! !h 2 reall did it) ;f course she'llgo and snea to >other) "et her) hat right hasshe to call me child) She's got a fine red scratch anho!&and on her right hand !here e%erone can see)

Rul 71th) There's such a lot of fruit here) 2eat ras$berries and gooseberries all da and >othersas that is !h 2 ha%e no a$$etite for dinner) -utDr) ?lein al!as sas Fruit is so !holesome) -ut!h should it be un!holesome all at onceQ .ellaal!as sas that !hen one lies anthing a!fullmuch one is al!as scolded about it until one gets$erfectl sic of it) .ella often gets in such a tem$er!ith her mother& and then her mother sas emae such sacrifices for our children and the re!ardus !ith ingratitude) 2 should lie to no! !hatsacrifices the mae) 2 thin it's the children !ho

mae the sacrifices) hen 2 !ant to eat gooseberriesand am not allo!ed to& the sacrifice is VmineV notV>other'sV) 2'%e !ritten all this to .ella) FrauleinPrucl has !ritten to me) The address on her letterto me !as s$lendid& NFraulein Grete "ainer&":ealschulerin)N ;f course Dora had to no! better thananone else& and said that in the higher classes fromthe fourth u$!ards because she is in the fourthHthe !rite N":eistin)N She said NAnho!& in theholidas& before a girl has attended the first classshe's not a ":ealschulerin at all)N Then Fatherchi$$ed in& saing that V!eV V2V didn't begin itH reall

must sto$ this eternal !rangling he reall couldnot stand it) .e's Muite right& but !hat he said!on't do an good& for Dora !ill go on just the same)


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Fraulein Prucl !rote that she !as VdelightedV that 2had !ritten) As soon as 2 ha%e time she !ants meto !rite to her again) Great Scott& 2'%e al!as timefor VherV) 2 shall !rite to her again this e%ening aftersu$$er& so as not to ee$ her !aiting)

Rul 70th) 2 sim$l could not !rite esterda)The arths ha%e arri%ed& and 2 had to s$end the!hole da !ith Erna and "iesel& although it rainedall da) e had a ri$$ing time) The no! a lotof round games and !e $laed for s!eets) 2 !onJ1& and 2 ga%e fi%e of them to Dora) ,obert is alreadmore than a head taller than !e are& 2 mean than"iesel and me 2 thin he is fifteen) .e sas FrauleinGrete and carried m cloa !hich >other sent me becauseof the rain and he sa! me home after su$$er)

To@morro! is m birthda and e%erone has been

in%ited and >other has made stra!berr cream and!affles) .o! s$iffing)

Rul B9th) To@da is m birthda) Father ga%eme a s$lendid $arasol !ith a flo!ered border and$ainting materials and >other ga%e me a huge $ostcardalbum for 99 cards and stories for school girls&and Dora ga%e me a beautiful box of note$a$er and>other had made a chocolate@cream cae for dinnerto@da as !ell as the stra!berr cream) The firstthing in the morning the arths sent me three birthdacards) And ,obert had !ritten on his ith

dee$est Vres$ect our faithful ,V) 2t is glorious to ha%ea birthda& e%erone is so ind& e%en Dora) ;s!aldsent me a !ooden $a$er@nife& the handle is a dragonand the blade shoots out of its mouth instead of flameor $erha$s the blade is its tongue& one can't be Muitesure) 2t has not rained et on m birthda) Fathersas 2 !as born under a luc star) That suits meall right& ti$ to$)

Rul B/st) Yesterda !as hea%enl) e laughedtill our sides ached o%er #onseMuences) 2 !as al!asbeing cou$led !ith ,obert and oh the things !e did

together& not reall of course but onl in !ritingissed& hugged& lost in the forest& bathed togetherbut 2 sa& 2 !ouldn't do Vthat(V Muarrelled) That!on't ha$$en& it's Muite im$ossible( Then !e dranm health clining glasses fi%e times and ,obert!anted to drin it in !ine but Dora said that !ouldne%er do( The real trouble !as this) She al!asgets furious if she has to $la second fiddle to meand esterda 2 !as certainl first fiddle)


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them for herself) ,eall 2 !ould rather $ic them formself& but !hen some one else $ics them for onefor Vlo%eV that's !hat ,obert saidH then one is Muiteglad to ha%e them $iced for one) -esides& 2 did$ic some mself and ga%e most of them to Fatherand some to >other) At afternoon tea !hich !e

had in Flischberg 2 had to sit beside Erna insteadof ,obert) Erna is rather dull) >other sas she isVanemicV that sounds frightfull interesting& but 2don't Muite no! !hat it means) Dora is al!assaing that she is anemic& but of course that is nottrue) And Father al!as sas NDon't tal such stuff&ou're as fit as a fiddle)N That $uts her in such a!ax) "ast ear "i::i !as reall anemic& so the doctorsaid& she !as al!as ha%ing $al$itation and had totae iron and drin -urgund) 2 thin that's !hereDora got the idea)

August /st) .ella is rather cross !ith me because2 !rote and told her that 2 had s$ent the !hole da!ith the 's) Still& she is reall m onl friend or2 should not ha%e !ritten and told her) E%er earin the countr she has another friend too& but thatdoesn't $ut me out) 2 can't understand !h shedoesn't lie ,obert she doesn't no! anthing abouthim exce$t !hat 2 ha%e !ritten and certainl that!as nothing but good) ;f course she does no! himfor he is a cousin of the Sernigs and she met him oncethere) -ut one does not get to no! a $erson fromseeing them once) Anho! she does not no! him

the !a 2 do) Yesterda 2 !as !ith the arthsall da) e $laed Place for the ?ing and ,obertcaught me and 2 had to gi%e him a iss) And Ernasaid& that doesn't count& for 2 had let mself be caught)-ut ,obert got sa%age and said Erna is a $erfectnuisance& she s$oils e%erone's $leasure) .e's Muiteright& but there's some one else just as bad) -ut 2do ho$e Erna has not told Dora about the iss) 2fshe has e%erone !ill no! and 2 shouldn't lie that)2 la in !ait for Erna !ith the s!eets !hich AuntDora sent us) ,obert and "iesel and 2 ate the rest)The !ere so good and nearl all large ones) At

first ,obert !anted to tae Muite a little one& but2 said he must onl ha%e a big one) After that heal!as $iced out the big ones) hen 2 came homein the e%ening !ith the em$t box Father laughedand said There's nothing mean about our Gretel)-esides& >other still has a great box full 2 ha%e noidea !hether Dora still has a lot& but 2 ex$ect so)

August 7nd) ;s!ald arri%ed this afternoon at6) .e's a great s!ell no! he's begun to gro! amoustache) 2n the e%ening Father too him to thehotel to introduce him to some friends) .e said it

!ould be an a!ful bore& but he !ill certainl maea good im$ression es$eciall in his ne! tourist getu$and leather breeches) Grandmama and Grand$a$a


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sent lo%e to all) 2'%e ne%er seen them) The ha%esent a lot of caes and s!eets and ;s!ald grumbledno end because he had to bring them) ;s!ald isal!as smoing cigarettes and Father said to him#ome along old cha$& !e'll go to the inn and ha%e adrin on the strength of our good re$ort) 2t seems

to me rather funn no one !ants to drin anthing!hen Dora and 2 ha%e a good re$ort& at most thegi%e us a $resent) ;s!ald has onl T!os and Threesand %er fe! ;nes and in Gree nothing but Satis@factor& but 2 ha%e nothing but ;nes) .e said somethingto Father in "atin and Father laughed heartiland said something 2 could not understand) 2 don'tthin it !as "atin& but it ma ha%e been >agar orEnglish) Father no!s nearl all languages& e%en#:ech& but than goodness he doesn't tal them unlesshe !ants to tease us) "ie that time at the station!hen Dora and 2 !ere so ashamed) #:ech is horrid&

>other sas so too) hen ,obert $retends to s$ea#:ech it's screamingl funn)

August Brd) 2 got a chill bathing the other daso no! 2 am not allo!ed to bathe for a fe! das),obert ee$s me com$an) e are Muite alone andhe tells me all sorts of tales) .e s!ings me so highthat 2 $ositi%el ell) To@da he made me reallangr& for he said ;s!ald is a regular noodle) 2said& that's not true& bos can ne%er stand one another)-esides& it is not true that he lis$s) Anho! 2lie ;s!ald much better than Dora !ho al!as sas

Nthe childrenN !hen she is taling of me and of .ellaand e%en of ,obert) Then he said Dora is just asbig a goose as Erna) .e's Muite right there) ,obertsas he is ne%er going to smoe& that it is so %ulgar&that real gentlemen ne%er smoe) -ut !hat aboutFather& 2 should lie to no!Q .e sas& too& that he!ill ne%er gro! a beard but !ill sha%e e%er da andhis !ife !ill ha%e to $ut e%erthing straight to him)-ut a beard suits Father and 2 can't imagine him!ithout a beard) 2 no! 2 !on't marr a man !ithouta beard)

August 6th) e go to the tennis ground e%erda) hen !e set off esterda& ,obert and 2 and"iesel and Erna and ,ene& Dora called after usThe bridal $air in s$ee) She had $iced u$ the$hrase from ;s!ald) 2 thin it means in a hundredears) VSheV can !ait a hundred ears if she lies& !eshan't) >other scolded her lie anthing and saidshe mustn't sa such stu$id things) A good job tooin s$ee& in s$ee)


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thin of a district judge 2 thin of District Rudge T)&such a hideous man) hat a nose and his !ife is solo%el but her $arents forced her into the marriage)2 !ould not let anone force me into such a marriage&2 !ould much sooner not marr at all& besides she'sa!full unha$$)

August 1th) There has been such a fearful ro!about Dora) ;s!ald told Father that she flirtedso at the tennis court and he could not stand it)Father !as in a to!ering rage and no! !e man't$la tennis an more) hat u$set her more thananthing !as that Father said in front of me Thislittle chit of /J is alread encouraging $eo$le to maelo%e to her) .er ees !ere Muite red and s!ollenand she couldn't eat anthing at su$$er because shehad such a Vheadache((V e no! all about her headaches)-ut 2 reall can't see !h 2 shouldn't go and

$la tennis)

August th) ;s!ald sas that it !asn't thestudent's fault at all but onl Dora's) 2 can Muitebelie%e that !hen 2 thin of that time on the Southern,ail!a) Still& the !on't let me $la tennis anmore& though 2 begged and begged >other to asFather to let me) She said it !ould do no good forFather !as %er angr and 2 mustn't s$end !holedas !ith the arths an more) hole das( 2should lie to no! !hen 2 !as a !hole da there)hen 2 !ent there naturall 2 had to sta to dinner

at least) hat ha%e 2 got to do !ith Dora's lo%eaffairsQ 2t's reall too absurd) -ut gro!n@u$s areal!as lie that) hen one $erson has done anthingthe others ha%e to $a for it too)

August 0th) Than goodness& 2 can $la tennisonce more 2 begged and begged until Father let mego) Dora declares that nothing !ill induce her to as(That's the old stor of the fox and the gra$es) Shehas been $laing the in%alid latel& !on't bathe& andstas at home !hen she can instead of going for!als) 2 should lie to no! !hat's the matter !ith

her) hat 2 can't mae out is !h Father lets herdo it) As for >other& she al!as s$oils Dora Dorais >other's fa%ourite& es$eciall !hen ;s!ald is noton hand) 2 can understand her maing a fa%ouriteof ;s!ald& but not of Dora) Father al!as sasthat $arents ha%e no fa%ourites& but treat all theirchildren alie) That's true enough as far as Fatheris concerned& although Dora declares that Fathermaes a fa%ourite of me but that's onl her fanc)At #hristmas and other times !e al!as get the samesort of $resents& and that's the real test) ,osa Planal!as gets at least three times as much as the rest

of the famil& that's !hat it is to be a fa%ourite)

August /7th) 2 can't !rite e%er da for 2 s$end


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most of m time !ith the arths) ;s!ald can'tstand ,obert& he sas he is a cad and a greenhorn)hat %ulgar $hrases) For three das 2 ha%en'ts$oen to ;s!ald exce$t !hen 2 reall had to) hen2 told Erna and "iesel about it& the said that brothers!ere al!as rude to their sisters) 2 said& 2 should

lie to no! !h) -esides& ,obert is generall %ernice to his sisters) The said& Yes before ou& becausehe's on his best beha%iour !ith ou) Yesterda !elaughed lie anthing !hen he told us !hat fun thebos mae of their masters) That stor about thecigarette ends !as screamingl funn) The ha%e asociet called T) Au) >)& that is in "atin -e Silentor Die in initial letters)


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!ould be horrible to ha%e to stri$ naed before allone's schoolfello!s) Perha$s in the societies of thehigh@school girls that $art is left out) -ut 2 shouldn'tlie to sa for sure !hether 2'd ha%e ,obert's nametattooed on me)

August /6th) Yesterda ,obert told me that thereare some schoolbo societies !here the do %er im$ro$erthings& but that ne%er ha$$ened in their societ)-ut he didn't sa !hat) 2 said& the stri$$ing naedseems to me a!ful but he said& ;h& that's nothing&that must ha$$en if !e're to trust one another& it'sall right as long as there's nothing im$ro$er) 2 !ish2 ne! !hat) 2 !ish 2 ne! !hether ;s!ald no!sabout it& and !hether he is in such a societ or ina $ro$er one and !hether Father !as in one) 2f 2could onl find out) -ut 2 can't as& for if 2 did2 should betra ,obert) hen he sees me he al!as

$resses m left !rist !ithout letting anone see) .esaid that is the !arning to me to be silent) -ut heneedn't do that reall& for 2 ne%er !ould betra him!hate%er ha$$ened) .e said The $ain is to bindou to me) hen he sas that his ees gro! dar&Muite blac& although his ees are reall gre and theget %er large) Es$eciall in the e%ening !hen !esa goodbe& it frightens me) 2'm al!as dreamingof him)

August /th) Yesterda e%ening !e had illuminationsin honour of the em$eror's birthda) e didn't

get home until half $ast t!el%e) At first !e !entto a concert in the $ar and to the illuminations)The fired salutes from the hills and there !ere beaconsflaring on the hill@to$s it !as rather cree$ althoughit !as !onderful) > teeth chattered once ort!ice& 2 don't no! !hether 2 !as afraid something!ould ha$$en or !h it !as) Then ,) came andtaled such a lot) .e is set on going into the arm)For that he needn't learn so much& and !hat he's learningno! is of no use to him) .e sas that doesn'tmatter& that no!ledge !ill gi%e him a great $ull) 2don't thin he loos stu$id& though ;s!ald sas so to

mae me angr) All at once !e found oursel%es Muitea!a from the others and so !e sat on a bench to !aitfor them) Then 2 ased ,) once more about the othersocieties& the ones in !hich the do such im$ro$erthings) -ut he !ouldn't tell me for he said he !ouldnot rob me of m innocence) 2 thought that %erstu$id& and 2 said that $erha$s he didn't no! himselfand it !as all $ut on) All that ha$$ened& he said&!as that anone !ho joined the societ !as ticleduntil he couldn't stand it an longer) And once oneof them got St) +itus's dance& that is frightfulcon%ulsions and the !ere afraid that e%erthing !ould

come out) And since then in their societ no moreticling had been allo!ed) Shall 2 ticle ou a littleQ2 don't understand ou& 2 said& and anho! ou


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daren't)

.e ga%e a great laugh and suddenl he sei:ed meand ticled me under the arm) 2t made me !ant tolaugh frightfull& but 2 stifled it for there !ere stilllots of $eo$le going b) So he ga%e that u$ and

ticled m hand) 2 lied it at first& but then 2 gotangr and dragged m hand a!a) Rust then 2ns$ee!ent b !ith t!o other girls and directl the had$assed us !e follo!ed close behind as if !e had been!aling lie that all the time) 2t sa%ed me a !iggingfrom >other& for she al!as !ants us all to ee$ together)As !e !ent along ,) said "oo out& Gretel&2'm going to ticle ou some da until ou scream)@@.o! absurd& 2 !on't ha%e it& it taes t!o to do that)

- the !a& in the raffle 2 !on a %ase !ith 7turtledo%es and a bag of s!eets and ,) !on a nife& for

and s$oon) That annoed him frightfull) 2ns$ee!on a fountain $en& just !hat 2 !ant& and a mirror!hich maes one loo a $erfect fright) A good jobtoo& for she fancies herself such a lot)

August 70th) ; dear& such an a!ful thing hasha$$ened) 2 ha%e lost $ages B9 to BJ from m diar)2 must ha%e left them in the garden& or else on the"ouisenhohe) 2t's $ositi%el fiendish) 2f anone !asto find them) And 2 don't no! exactl !hat there!as on those $ages) 2 !as born to ill luc) 2f 2hadn't $romised .ella to !rite m diar e%er da

2 should lie to gi%e u$ the !hole thing) Fanc if>other !ere to get hold of it& or e%en Father) Andit's raining so fearfull to@da that 2 can't e%en gointo the garden and still less on the "ouisenhohe abo%eall not alone) 2 must ha%e lost it the da before esterda&for 2 didn't !rite anthing esterda or theda before) 2t !ould be dreadful if anone !ere tofind it) 2 am so much u$set that 2 couldn't eat anthingat dinner& although !e had m fa%ouritechocolate cream cae) And 2'm so unha$$ for Father!as Muite anxious and >other too and the bothased !hat !as the matter !ith me and 2 nearl

burst out cring before e%erone) e had dinner inthe hotel to@da because ,esi had gone a!a for 7das) -ut 2 couldn't cr in the room before Fatherand >other for that !ould ha%e gi%en the sho! a!a)> onl ho$e is that no one !ill recognise m !riting&for .ella and 2 use u$right !riting for our diar&first of all so that no one ma recognise our !ritingand secondl because u$right !riting doesn't use u$so much $a$er as ordinar !riting) 2 do ho$e it!ill be fine to@morro! so that 2 can hunt in the garden%er earl) 2 ha%e been utterl in the dum$s all daso that 2 didn't e%en get cross !hen 2ns$ee said

N.a%e ou been Muarrelling !ith our future husbandQN

August B9th) 2t's not in the garden) 2 begged


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>other to let us go to "ouisenhutte this afternoon)>other !as a!full nice and ased !hat 2 !as so!orried about& and !hether anthing had ha$$ened)Then 2 couldn't ee$ it in an longer and burst outcring) >other said 2 must ha%e lost something&and this ga%e me an a!ful fright) >other thought

it !as .ella's letter& the one !hich came on Tuesda&so 2 said other said ;h !ell& that's not such a terrible loss&and !ill be of no interest to anone) ;h es& 2 said&for there are all sorts of things !ritten in it about,) and his societ) "oo here& Gretel& said >other&2 don't lie this !a ou tal about ,) 2 reall don'tlie ou to s$end all our time !ith the arthsthe're reall not our sort and ,) is not a fitcom$anion for ou no! that ou are going to the highschool ou are not a little girl an longer) Promiseme that ou'll not be eternall !ith the arths)@@All

right& >other& 2 !ill brea it off graduall so thatnobod !ill notice) She burst out laughing and issedme on both chees and $romised me to sa nothingto 2ns$ee about the diar for she needn't no! e%erthing)>other is such a dear) Still B hours and$erha$s the $ages are still there)

E%ening) Than goodness( 2n front of the shelter2 found 7 $ages all $ul$ed b the rain and the !ritingall run and one $age !as in the foot$ath Muite torn)Someone must ha%e trodden on it !ith the heel ofhis boot and 7 $ages had been rolled into a s$ill and

$artl burned) So no one had read anthing) 2 amso ha$$) And at su$$er Father said 2 sa& !hare our ees shining !ith delightQ .a%e ou !onthe big $ri:e in the lotterQ and 2 $ressed >other'sfoot !ith mine to remind her not to gi%e me a!aand Father laughed lie anthing and said Seemsto me there's a cons$irac against me in m o!nhouse) And 2 said in a great hurr "ucil !e'renot in our o!n house but in a hotel& and e%eronelaughed and no! than goodness it's all o%er) "i%eand learn) 2 !on't let that ha$$en again)

August B/st) ,eall 2'm not so much !ith the 'sand !ith ,) 2 thin he's offended) This afternoon&!hen 2 !ent there to tea& he sei:ed me b the !ristand said Your father is right& ou're a !itch) NYouneed a castigation)N .o! rude of him) -esides& 2didn't no! !hat castigation meant) 2 ased Fatherand he told me and ased !here 2 had $iced u$ the!ord) 2 said 2 had $assed 7 gentlemen and had heardone of them use it) hat 2 reall thought !as thatcastigation meant ticling) -ut it is reall horrid toha%e no one to tal to) >ost of the $eo$le ha%e gonealread and !e ha%e onl a !ee longer) About that

castigation business) 2 don't lie fibbing to Father&but 2 reall had to) 2 couldn't sa that ,) !anted togi%e me a castigation !hen 2 didn't no! !hat it


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fitted beautifull) She has tried it on at least fi%etimes alread) 2 don't no! !hether Father reall!ants to treat her as a gro!n@u$ lad or !hetherhe is maing fun of her) 2 belie%e he's onl maingfun) She doesn't reall loo lie a gro!n@u$ lad).o! could she !hen she's not /J etQ Yesterda

afternoon such a lot of girls !ere in%ited& and ofcourse .ella !as in%ited on m account and !e hada grand tal) -ut most of them bragged frightfullabout the countr !here the VsaidV the had been) e!ere 0 girls) -ut .ella is the onl one 2 care about)

Se$tember 7/st) School begins to@morro!) - the!a& !e ha%e agreed to call it "i: 4":eum L .ighSchool8 and not School) 2'm frightfull curious)

Se$tember 77nd& /0@@) School began to@da) .ellacame to fetch me and !e !ent along together) 2ns$ee

$eached on us to >other& saing !e ran on in frontof her) e don't !ant her as go%erness) Thereare BJ of us in the class) ;ur teachers are a FrauDotor& 7 mistresses& one $rofessor& and 2 thin adra!ing mistress as !ell) The Frau Dotor teachesGerman and !riting) She $ut us together on theBrd bench) Then she made a s$eech& then she toldus !hat boos to get& but !e are not to bu themtill >onda) e ha%e B inter%als& one long and 7short) The long one is for games& the short onesto go out) 2 usen't to go out at the elementar schooland no! 2 don't need to) >other al!as sas that

it's onl a bad habit) >ost of the girls !ent out&and e%en ased to lea%e the room during lesson time)To@da !e hadn't an $ro$er lessons) The are tobegin to@morro!& but !e don't no! !hat) Then!e came home)

Se$tember 7Brd) To@da !e had the mistress !hoteaches geogra$h and histor& she has no degree)2ns$ee sas that she had her last ear& but she couldnot stand her& she's so ugl) Father !as angr andsaid to 2ns$ee You sill goose& don't fill her head!ith such stuff) Sho! !hat ou are !orth as elder

sister) ;ne can learn something from e%er mistressand e%er master if one lies) -ut 2 can't sa& !e'rereall fond of Fraulein +ischer and 2 don't muchcare for geogra$h and histor) -esides 2'm notlearning for her but for mself) Frau Dr) >allburgis a!full nice and $rett) e shall al!as !riteFrau Dr) >) for short) hen she laughs she hast!o dim$les and a gold sto$$ing) She is ne! at theschool) 2 don't no! if !e are to ha%e singing too)2n French !e ha%e >adame Arnau& she is beautifulldressed& blac lace) .ella has a lo%el $en and$encil case it's Muite soft& !e must ha%e it soft so

that it shan't mae a ro! !hen it falls do!n duringlesson time) 2 thin it cost 1 cro!ns or /)19 cro!ns&2 don't no! exactl) To@da lessons !ent on until


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/7& first German& then arithmetic& then religion for#atholics& and then !e came a!a) .ella !aitedfor me& for the .err Pastor did not come)

Se$tember 7Jth) e thought the boo sho$s !ouldbe o$en to@da but !e !ere !rong) .ella's mother

said& that's !hat ha$$ens !hen the chics thinthemsel%es !iser than the hens) 2n the afternoon.ella came to our house and 2ns$ee had been in%itedb the Fs) 2 don't go there& for it's so dull& the$la the $iano all da) 2 ha%e enough $iano at mlessons) > music lessons !ill begin !hen the schooltime@table has been fixed u$) Perha$s on ;ctober /st&then 2 must !rite to Frau -)& she told me to !ritemself) She tells all her $u$ils to do that) 2 !ouldrather ha%e had .ella's music mistress) -ut shehas no time to s$are and 2 thin she charges more)At least she !ouldn't al!as be holding me u$

NFraulein DoraN as a model) e are not all somusical as Fraulein Dora) 2n the e%ening 2ns$ee!as reading a great fat boo until /9 or /7 o clocand she sim$l ho!led o%er it) She said she hadnot& but 2 heard her and she could hardl s$ea)She sas she had a cold& liar)

Se$tember 76th) To@da the ga%e us the $rofessors'time@table& but it !on't !or until the $rofessorsfrom the Gmnasium no! exactl !hen the cancome) ;ur Frau Dotor might be teaching in aGmnasium& but since there is onl one here she

teaches in our school) To@morro! !e are going toha%e a %i%a %oce com$osition ;ur .olidas) ema !rite or /9 sentences at home before !e come&but !e must not loo at !hat !e ha%e !ritten inclass) 2'%e !ritten mine alread) -ut 2'%e not saidanthing about ,obert) .e's not !orth thiningabout anho!) 2 did not e%en tell .ella e%erthing)

Se$tember 76th) e had the %i%a %oce com$ositionand Frau Dotor said& %er good& !hat is our nameQGrete "ainer 2 said and she said And is that ourchum next ouQ adame A) said that m accent !as thebest) e'%e got an a!ful lot on and 2 don't no!


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!hether 2 shall be able to !rite e%er da) Theounger girls sa Professor 2gel instead of ,iegeland the einmann girl said iss& ou needn't be so stucu$& he said as he !ent b) And !hen 2 turned roundhe had alread $assed& or 2 !ould ha%e gi%en him a$iece of m mind) 2 must go to su$$er

;ctober /st) 2 can't !rite& ;s!ald has come fromS)& he has s$rained his anle& but 2'm not so surebecause he can get about) .e is a!full $ale anddoesn't sa a !ord about the $ain)

;ctober Jth) To@da is a holida& the em$eror's

birthda) Yesterda ,esi told me something horrid);s!ald can't go bac to S) .e has been u$ to something&2 !ish 2 ne! !hat& $erha$s something in thecloset) .e al!as stas there such a long time& 2noticed that !hen 2 !as in the countr) ;r $erha$sit ma ha%e been something in his societ) 2ns$ee$retends she no!s !hat it is but of course it isn'ttrue& for she doesn't no! an more than 2 do)Father is furious and >other's ees are all red !ithcring) At dinner nobod sas a !ord) 2f 2 couldonl find out !hat he's done) Father !as shoutingat him esterda and both Dora and 2 heard !hat he

said You oung scam$ then there !as something!e couldn't understandH and then he said& ou attendto our school boos and lea%e the girls and themarried !omen alone ou $itiful scoundrel) And Dorasaid) Ah& no! 2 understand and 2 said Please tellme& he is m brother as !ell as ours) -ut she saidNYou !ouldn't understand) 2t's not suitable for suchoung ears)N Fanc that& it's suitable for her ears&but not mine though she's not Muite three ears olderthan 2 am& but because she no longer !ears a shortsirt she gi%es herself the airs of a gro!n@u$ VladV)Such airs& and then she sneas a great s$oonful of

jam so that her mouth is stuffed !ith it and she can'ts$ea) hene%er 2 see her do this& 2 mae a $ointof s$eaing to her so that she has to ans!er) Shedoes get in such a !ax)

;ctober 0th) 2 no! all about it no!) ) ) That'sho! babies come) And VthatV is !hat ,obert reallmeant)


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no!n it for a long time but she didn't lie to tell me)A girl told her last summer in the countr) She!anted to tal about it to "i::i her sister& reall sheonl !anted to as if it !as all true and "i::i ranoff to her mother to tell her !hat .ella had saidAnd her mother said NThese children are a!ful&

a corru$t generation& don't ou dare to re$eat it toan other girl& to Grete "ainer& for instance&N andshe ga%e her a box on the ear) As if she could hel$it( That is !h she didn't !rite to me for such along time) Poor thing& $oor thing& but no! she cantell me all about it and !e !on't betra one another)And that deceitful cat 2ns$ee has no!n all aboutit for ages and has ne%er told me) -ut 2 don't understand!h that time at the s!ing ,obert said Youlittle fool& ou !ont get a bab sim$l from that)Perha$s .ella no!s) hen 2 go to the gmnasticlesson to@morro! 2 shall tal to her first and as her

about it) > goodness ho! curious 2 am to no!)

;ctober /9th) 2'm in a great fun& 2 missed mgmnastic lesson esterda) 2 !as u$stairs at .ella'sand !ithout meaning it 2 !as so late 2 did not dareto go) And .ella said 2 had better sta !ith herthat !e !ould sa that our sum !as so difficult that!e had not got it finished in time) "ucil !e reallhad a sum to do) -ut 2 said nothing about it athome& for to@morro! ;s!ald is going to G) to .errS's) 2 thought that 2 ne! all about it but onl no!has .ella reall told me e%erthing) 2t's a horrible

business this ) ) ) 2 reall can't !rite it) Shesas that of course 2ns$ee has it alread& had it!hen 2 !rote that 2ns$ee !ouldn't bathe& did not!ant to bathe reall she had it) hate%er ha$$ensone must al!as be anxious about it) VStreams ofbloodV sas .ella) -ut then e%erthing gets all bl ) ) )That's !h in the countr 2ns$ee al!as s!itchedoff the light before she !as Muite undressed& so that2 couldn't see) =gh( #atch me looing( 2t beginsat /J and goes on for 79 ears or more) .ella sasthat -erta Frane in our class no!s all about it)2n the arithmetic lesson she !rote a note Do ou

no! !hat being un ) ) ) isQ .ella !rote bac&of course 2'%e no!n it for a long time) -erta !aitedfor her after class !hen the #atholics !ere ha%ingtheir religion lesson and the !ent home together)2 remember Muite !ell that 2 !as %er angr& forthe're not chums) ;n Tuesda -erta came !ithus& for .ella had sent her a note in class saing that2 ne! Ve%erthingV and she needn't bother about me)2ns$ee sus$ects something& she's al!as s$ing aboutand sneering& $erha$s she thins that she's the onl$erson !ho ought to no! anthing)

;ctober /3th) To@morro! is Father's and Dora'sbirthda) E%er ear it annos me that Dora shouldha%e her birthda on the same da as Father hat


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annos me most of all is that she is so coc aboutit& for& as Father al!as sas& it's a mere chance)-esides& 2 don't thin he reall lies it) E%erone!ants to ha%e their o!n birthda on their o!n da&not to share it !ith someone else) And it's al!asnast to be stuc u$ about a thing lie that) -esides&

it's not going to be a real birthda because of thero! about ;s!ald) Father is still furious and hadto sta a!a from the office for 7 das because hehad to go to G) to see about ;s!ald going there)

;ctober /1th) 2t !as much jollier to@da than 2had ex$ected) All the -rucners came& so of coursethere !as not much said about ;s!ald onl that hehas s$rained his anle& 2 no! Muite !ell no! thatthat's not trueH and that he is $robabl going to G)#olonel -) said The best thing for a bo is to sendhim to a militar academ& that ee$s him in order)

2n the e%ening ;s!ald said That !as a!ful rot!hat .ella's father said& for ou can be ex$elledfrom a militar academ just as easil as from theGmnasium) That's !hat ha$$ened to Edgar Groller);s!ald ga%e himself a!a and Dora $rom$tl saidAh& so ou ha%e been ex$elled& and !e belie%ed ouhad s$rained our anle) Then he got in an a!ful!ax and said ; ou !retched fla$$ers& 2'%e goneand blabbed it all no!& and he !ent a!a slammingthe door& for >other !asn't there

;ctober /0th) 2f !e could onl find out !hat

;s!ald reall did) 2t must ha%e been something!ith a girl) -ut !e can't thin !hat Father meantabout a married !oman) Perha$s a married !omancom$lained of him to the head master or to the schoolcommittee and that's ho! it all came out) 2 feela!full sorr for him& for 2 thin ho! 2 should ha%efelt mself if e%erthing had come out about ,obertand me) ;f course 2 don't care no!) -ut in thesummer it !ould ha%e been a!ful) ;s!ald hardlsas a !ord& exce$t that he has tals !ith >othersometimes) .e al!as $retends that he !ants toread& but it's absurd& for !ith such a lo%e trouble

one can't reall read) 2 ha%e not told -erta Franeall about it& but onl that m brother has had anunha$$ lo%e affair and that is !h he is bac in+ienna) Then she told us that this summer a cousinof hers shot himself because of her) The said in thene!s$a$ers that it !as because of an actress& butreall it !as because of her) She is /J alread)

;ctober 79th) e s$end most of our time no!!ith -erta Frane) She sas she has had a tremendouslot of ex$erience& but she can't tell us et because!e are not intimate enough) - and b she sas)

Perha$s she is afraid !e shall gi%e her a!a) She!ants to marr !hen she is /3 at latest) That's in7 ears) ;f course she !on't ha%e finished school


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b then& but she !ill ha%e left the third class) Shehas three admirers& but she has not et made u$ hermind !hich to choose) .ella sas 2 mustn't belie%eall this& that the stor about the three admirers atonce is certainl a cram)

;ctober 7/st) -erta Frane sas that !hen oneis dar under the ees one has it and that !hen onegets a bab then one doesn't ha%e it an more untilone gets another) She told us too ho! one gets it&but 2 didn't reall belie%e !hat she said& for 2 thoughtshe did not no! herself exactl) Then she got %ercross and said NAll right& 2 !on't tell ou an more)2f 2 don't no! mself)N -ut 2 can't belie%e !hatshe said about husband and !ife) She said it mustha$$en e%er night& for if not the don't ha%e abab if the miss a single night the don't ha%e abab) That's !h the ha%e their beds so close

together) Peo$le call them Vmarriage beds(((V Andit hurts so frightfull that one can hardl bear it)-ut one has to for a husband can mae his !ife doit) 2 should lie to no! ho! he can mae her)-ut 2 didn't dare to as for 2 !as afraid she !ouldthin 2 !as maing fun of her) >en ha%e it too&but %er seldom) e see a lot of -erta Frane no!&she is an a!full nice girl& $erha$s >other !ill letme in%ite her here next Sunda)

;ctober 7Brd) Father too ;s!ald a!a to@da)>other cried such a lot) hen ;s!ald !as lea%ing

2 !his$ered to him 2 no! !hat's the matter !ithou) -ut he did not understand me for he saidSill duffer) Perha$s he onl said that because ofFather !ho !as looing on !ith a fearful sco!l)

;ctober 71th) E%erthing seems to ha%e gone!rong) Yesterda 2 got unsatisfactor in histor& andin arithmetic to@da 2 couldn't get a single sum right)2'm frightfull !orried about missing that gmnasticlesson) 2t !ill be all right if >other gi%es me themone to@morro!& for if she goes herself she !illcertainl find out about it)

;ctober 7th) To@da the head mistress !as $resentat our French lesson and said a!full nice thingsabout me) She said 2 !as good enough in Frenchto be in the Third and then she ased me !hether2 !as as good in the other subjects) 2 didn't !antto sa either Yes or adameArnau ased h& !hat's the matterQ and the othergirls said 2n arithmetic she had =nsatisfactor but

she can reall do her sums a!full !ell) Then>adame said NYou'll soon !i$e off that =nsatisfactor)N


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;ctober B9th) To@da 2 had a frightful bother!ith Fraulein +ischer in the histor lesson) Yesterda!hen 2 got into the tram !ith >other there !asFraulein +) 2 looed the other !a so that >othershouldn't see her and so that she should not tell>other about me) hen she came in to@da she said

"ainer& do ou no! the rulesQ 2 ne! directl !hatshe meant and said N2 did bo! to ou in the trambut ou didn't see me)N NThat's a fine thing to do&first ou do !rong and then tr to excuse ourself btelling a lie) Sit do!n(N 2 felt a!ful for all thegirls looed at me) 2n the // inter%al -erta Franesaid to me Don't !orr& she's got her nife into ouand !ill al!as find something to com$lain of) Shemust ha%e s$oen to Frau Dotor >)& for in the Germanlesson the subject for %i%a %oce com$osition !asGood >anners) And all the girls looed at me again)She didn't sa anthing more) She's a $erfect angel&

m darling E) >)& her name is Elisabeth but shedoes not ee$ her name@da because she's a Protestantthat's an a!ful shame because other !asthere herself) And in mental arithmetic to@da 2got a ;ne) Fraulein Steiner is a!full nice too andshe said h& ") !hat !as the matter !ith ouin our sums the other da& for ou're so good atarithmeticQ 2 didn't no! !hat to do so 2 said

;h 2 had such a headache the other da) Then -ertaFrane nearl burst out laughing& it !as horrid ofher 2 don't thin she's Muite to be trusted 2 thinshe's rather a snea) hen the lesson !as o%er shesaid she had laughed because NheadacheN meanssomething Muite different)

) best of all) 2'm VnotV going to in%ite -erta Franebecause of the !a she laughed esterda& and besides>other doesn't lie ha%ing strange girls to the house)ali told us that all the Re!s!hen the are Muite little ha%e to go through a %er


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dangerous o$eration it hurts frightfull and that's!h the are so cruel) 2t's done so that the can ha%emore children but onl little bos& not little girls)2t's horrid& and 2 should not lie to marr a Re!)Then !e ased >ali !hether it is true that it hurtsso frightfull and she laughed and said 2t can't be

so bad as all that& for if it !ere ou !ouldn't finde%erone doing it) Then .ella ased her -ut ha%eou done it alread& ou ha%en't got a husbandQ Shesaid Go on& >iss( ;ne mustn't as such Muestionsit's not ladlie) e !ere in an a!ful fun& andbegged her not to tell >other) She $romised not to)

ali came in to mae the beds andsa! m fringed !aistband) N2 sa& she said& that is$rett(N You can ha%e it if ou lie& 2 said& for

2'%e gi%en u$ !earing it) At dinner esterda 2noticed that >other !as looing at >ali and 2blushed all o%er) After dinner >other said& Gretel&did ou gi%e >ali that !aistbandQ Yes& 2 said& sheased me for it) She came in at that moment to cleara!a and said Nother came in and said A fine lot of satisfactionone gets out of one's children) >ali has told me thesort of things ou and .ella tal about) 2 ranstraight off to the itchen and said to >ali .o!

could ou tell such tales of usQ 2t !as ou !hochi$$ed in !hen !e !ere taling) 2t !as frightfullmean of ou) 2n the e%ening VsheV must needs go andcom$lain of me to Father and he scolded me lie anthingand said You're a fine lot& ou children& 2must sa) You are not to see so much of .ella no!&do ou understandQ


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sating to@da& and she sates so beautifull& insideand outside edge and figures of ) 2 sated alongbehind her) hen she !ent to the cloa room there!as such a lo%el scent) 2 !onder if she is going tobe married soon and !hether VsheV no!s all aboute%erthing) She is so lo%el and she $ushes bac the

hair from her forehead so $rettil) 2 !ish 2 !ere as$rett as she is) -ut 2 am dar and she is fair) 2!ish 2 could find out her name and !here she li%es)2 must go sating again to@morro! do m lessonsin the e%ening)


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it so much) 2 don't reall no! !h& but !hen 2hear anone sa that number it sounds to me lie asMuirrel jum$ing about in the !ood)

other is ill e%erthing at home isso uncomfortable and she al!as sas hate%erou do don't get ill& for it's such a nuisance) -ut2 don't mind being ill indeed 2 rather lie being ill&for then e%erone's so nice& !hen Father comes homehe comes and sits b m bed and e%en VDoraV is rathernice and does things for me that is she VhasV to)-esides& !hen she had di$theria t!o ears ago 2 dide%erthing 2 could for her& she nearl died& hertem$erature !ent u$ to /91 and >other !as sic !ith

cring) Father ne%er cries) 2t must loo funn !hena man cries) hen there !as all that ro! about;s!ald he cried& 2 thin Father had gi%en him abox on the ear) .e said he hadn't but 2 thin hehad certainl he cried& though he said he didn't)After all& !h shouldn't he for he's not reall gro!nu$ et) 2 cr mself !hen 2 get frightfull annoed)Still 2 shouldn't cr for a box on the ear)


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hen 2 !as sitting on >other's bed to@da 2 suddenlrealised that Father's bed is reall Muite close to>other's) 2 had ne%er thought about it before) -utit's not reall necessar no! for !e are all Muite big)Still 2 su$$ose the'%e just left things as the !ere)ell dear& said >other& !hat are ou looing round

so forQ ;f course 2 didn't let on& but said 2 !asonl looing round and thining that if our bed !as!here the !ashstand is ou could see to read better!hen ou are ling in bed) That !ould not do becausethe !all's all !rong said >other) 2 said nothingmore and she didn't either) 2 lie much betterto slee$ on a sofa than in a bed& because 2 lie tosnuggle u$ against the bac) 2'm so glad >otherdidn't notice anthing) ;ne has to be so frightfullcareful not to gi%e oneself a!a !hen one no!se%erthing)


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an elder sisters she's joll !ell right) 2t's a $it!e can't alter things) >other sas !e are reall toobig to ee$ St) other is reall right anda ?ram$us is onl suitable for children)

4/8 ?ram$usL,u$rechtsnecht& i)e) a little Demon& !ho ser%esSt)


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December Jth) The girls are so tiresome and ha%emade such a muddle about the ?ram$uses for thestaff) The mone didn't come out right and ?ellersaid that >arus had taen some but >arus saidnot taen onl e$t) ;f course >arus com$lained

to Frau Dotor and her father !ent to the headand com$lained too) Frau Dotor said !e no! Muite!ell that collections are not allo!ed and that !emust not gi%e an one a ?ram$us)


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onl V!ennV !ith one VnV instead of double VnV and VdassV!ith short Vss'sV& that's all) 2 !as joll glad that there!as nothing about VherV on the $age) She'd under@lined the VnV and the short Vss'sV !ith red& just as if she!as a schoolmistress& infernal chee( The best !ouldbe to ha%e a boo !ith a loc to it& !hich one could

al!a ee$ loced& then no one could read an of itand underline one's mistaes in red) 2 often !riteso fast that it's eas to mae a sli$ no! and again)As if she ne%er made a mistae) The !hole thingmade me furious) -ut 2 can't sa anthing about itbecause of >other& at least on the !a to school butno& if 2 sa nothing at all then she al!as gets more!ax than e%er) 2f 2 !ere to sa much about it>other might remember those 6 $ages 2 lost in thecountr and 2'd rather not than ou)

December 77nd) Aunt Dora came to@da) She's

going to sta !ith us for a time till >other is Muite!ell again) 2 didn't remember her at all& for 2 !asonl four or fi%e !hen she !ent a!a from +ienna)You dear little blac beetle she said to me and ga%eme a iss) 2 didn't lie the VblacV much& but .ellasas that suits me& that it's V$iMuantV) VPiMuantV is!hat the officers al!as sa of her cousin in ?rems&Father sas she is a beaut& and she's dar lie me)-ut 2'd rather be fair& fair !ith bro!n ees or betterstill !ith %iolet ees) Shall 2 gro! u$ a beautQ ;h2 do ho$e 2 shall(

December 7Brd) 2 am frightfull excited about to@morro!) 2 !onder !hat 2 shall getQ


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to lea%e him out and so the monitors had to go) hen#hristmas !as dra!ing near Frau Dotor told usthat !e !ere none of us to gi%e $resents to the staff)N2 beg ou& girls& to bear in mind !hat 2 am saing&for if ou do not there !ill onl be trouble) Youremember !hat ha$$ened on St)


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2 sa& !hat a lar( -ut Father !as do!n on himlie anthing& NYou hold our ja! and thin of ouro!n beastl conduct)N 2 didn't en% him 2 don'tthin much of Dora's loos mself& but a$$arentl she$leases VsomeoneV) 2n the bouMuet there !as a $oemand Dora got hold of it Muicl before Father had

seen it) 2t !as a!full $rett& and it !as signed;ne for !hom ou ha%e made #hristmas beautiful(The heading is NThe >agic Season)N 2 thinDora's s$lendid not to gi%e herself a!a e%en to meshe declares she does not no! !ho sent it but ofcourse that ma be all humbug) 2 thin it reall comesfrom oung Perathoner& !ith !hom she's al!assating)

December 7th) 2'%e had absolutel no time to!rite) 2 got e%erthing 2 !anted) Aunt Dora ga%eboth of us an o$era glass in mother@of@$earl in a $lush

case) e are going to all the school $erformances&Father's arranged it he has subscribed to VallV the$erformances during the school ear /0@@ to /0@@)2 am so delighted for Frau Dotor >) !ill come too)2 do ho$e 2 shall sit next to her)

December B/st) To@da 2 !anted to read throughall 2 ha%e !ritten& but 2 could not manage it but inthe ne! ear 2 reall must !rite e%er da)

Ranuar /st& /0@@) 2 must !rite a fe! sentencesat least) For the afternoon !e had been in%ited to

the ,dberg's the arths !ere there and Edle %onernhoff(( 2 !as just the same as usual !ith "iselbut 2 !ould not sa a !ord to ,) The left beforeus& and then .edd ased me !hat !as !rong bet!eenme and ,) .e had said of me An one canha%e the Vblac goose for meV) Then he said that anone could tae me in) 2 !as so stu$id that 2 !ouldbelie%e anthing) 2 can't thin !hat he meant& forhe ne%er too me in about anthing) Anho! 2 !ouldnot let VhimV s$oil ne! ear's da for me) -ut .ellais Muite right for if the first $erson one meets onRanuar /st is a common $erson that's a bad beginning)

The first thing this morning !hen 2 !ent out 2 metour old $ostman !ho's al!as so grum$ if he's e$t!aiting at the door) 2 looed the other !a directland across the street a fine oung gentleman !as $assing&but it !as no good for the common $ostman hadreall been the first)

Ranuar /7th) 2 am so angr) VeV man't go satingan more because 2ns$ee has begun to com$lainagain of her sill old ears and >other imagines thatshe got her earache last ear sating) 2t's all rightto ee$ VherV at home but !h shouldn't V2V goQ .o!

can V2V hel$ it !hen VsheV gets a chill so easilQ 2n mostthings Father is justice itself& but 2 reall can't understandhim this time) 2t's sim$l absurd& onl it's too


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miserable to call it absurd) 2'm in a $erfect fur)Still& 2 don't sa anthing)

Februar /7th) 2 ha%e not !ritten for a !holemonth& 2'%e been !oring so hard) To@da !e gotour re$orts) Although 2'%e been !oring so frightfull

hard& again 2 onl got a 7 in Diligence) FrauDotor >) made a s$lendid s$eech and said Asou so!& so ou shall rea$) -ut that's not al!as true)2n other ased about me& she said NShedoes not reall $ut her bac into her !or)N 2 o%erheardFather sa After all she's onl a id& but to@da he made a frightful ro! about the 7 in Diligence)

.e might ha%e no!n !h she ga%e me that) Dora&Vso she sasV& has onl ones& but she has not sho!n methe re$ort) 2 don't belie%e !hat 2 don't see) And>other ne%er gi%es her a!a to me)

Februar /6th) Father is furious because ;s!aldhas an =nsatisfactor in Gree) Gree is reall nouse for no one uses Gree& exce$t the $eo$le !holi%e in Greece and ;s!ald !ill ne%er go there& if heis going to be a judge lie Father) V;f courseV Doralearns "atin but not for me than ou) .ella's re$ortis not $articularl good and her father !as in a

V$erfect fur(((V .e sas she ought to ha%e a betterre$ort than an one else) She does not bother muchand sas ;ne can't ha%e e%erthing) -ut if shedoesn't get nothing but ones in the summer term sheis not to sta at the high school and !ill ha%e to goto the middle school) That'll mae her sit u$)Father's a!full funn too hat ha%e ou got historboos for& if ou don't read themQ Yesterda!hen 2 !as reading m album of stories& Father camein and said You lie a stor boo better than ahistor boo& and shut the boo u$ and too it a!afrom me) 2 !as in such a tem$er that 2 !ent to bed

at 1 o'cloc !ithout an su$$er)

Februar 79th) 2 met the Gold Fair to@da) Shes$oe to me and ased !h 2 did not come satingan more) The fanc dress 2ce #arni%al on the 7Jth!as s$lendid she said) 2 said ould ou belie%eit& a ear ago m VsisterV had an earache& and Vfor thatreasonV the !on't allo! VeitherV of us to sate this ear)She laughed lie anthing and said so exMuisitel;h& !hat a !iced sister) She looed $erfectlra%ishing A red@bro!n coat and sirt trimmed !ithfur& sable 2 belie%e& and a huge bro!n bea%er hat !ith

cre$e@de@chine ribbons& lo%el) And her ees andmouth) 2 belie%e she !ill marr the man !ho is al!asgoing about !ith her)


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get ne! !inter clothes& 2 shall ha%e a fur trimmedred@bro!n) e must not al!as be dressed alie).ella and "i::i are ne%er dressed alie)

>arch th) 2 shall ne%er sa another !ord to -ertaFraner she's utterl false) 2'%e such a frightful

headache because 2 cried all through the lesson) She!rote to .ella and me in the arithmetic lesson AV+erhaltnisV478 means something Muite different) Rustat that moment the mistress looed across and saidTo !hom !ere ou noddingQ She said To "ainer)-ecause she laughed at the !ord N+erhaltnis)N 2t !asnot true) 2 had not thought about the !ord at all)2t !asn't till 2 had read the note that it occurred to.ella and me !hat V+erhaltnisV means) After the lessonFraulein St) called us do!n into the teachers' roomand told Frau Dotor >) that Frane and 2 hadlaughed at the use of the !ord N+erhaltnis)N Frau

Dotor said hat !as there to laugh atQ h didou not just do our sumsQ Fraulein St) said Youought to be ashamed of oursel%es& oung girls in thefirst class shouldn't no! anthing about such things)2 shall ha%e to s$ea to our mothers) 2n the Germanlesson Frau Dotor >) told us to !rite an essa onthe $ro%erb Pure the heart and true the !ord& clearthe bro! and free the ee& these are our safeguards&or something of that sort 2 must get .ella to !rite itfor me& for 2 !as cring all through the lesson)

478 The German !ord +erhaltnis as used in the arithmetic lessonmeans ratio& $ro$ortion) The !ord is in common use inGerman for a lo%e intimac or liaison)@@Translators' arch /9th) To@da -erta Frane !anted to talthings out !ith us but .ella and 2 told her !e !ouldnot s$ea to her again) e told her to rememberV!hat sortV of things she had said to us) She denied itall alread) e shouldn't be such humbugs) 2t !asmean of her) ,eall !e didn't no! anthing andVsheV told us all about it) .ella has told me again and

again she !ished !e didn't no! anthing) She sasshe's al!as afraid of gi%ing herself a!a and thatshe often thins about that sort of thing !hen sheought to be learning her lessons) So do 2) And oneoften dreams about such things at night !hen onehas been taling about them in the afternoon) Still&it's better to no! all about it)

>arch 77nd) 2 so seldom manage to !rite anthing&first of all our lessons tae such a lot of time&and second because 2 don't care about it an moresince !hat Father said the other da) The last time

2 !rote !as on Saturda afternoon& and Father camein and said #ome along children& !e'll go to Schonbrunn)That !ill do ou more good than scribbling


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diaries !hich ou onl go and lose !hen ou'%e !rittenthem) So >other told Father all about it in theholidas) 2 couldn't ha%e belie%ed it of >other for2 begged her to $romise not to tell anone) And shesaid ;ne doesn't $romise about a thing lie thatbut 2 !on't tell anone) And no! she must ha%e told

about it& although she said she !ouldn't) E%enFrane's deceitfulness !as nothing to that for afterall !e'%e onl no!n her since last autumn& but 2could ne%er ha%e belie%ed that >other !ould do sucha thing) 2 told .ella !hen !e !ere ha%ing tea atthe Ti%oli and she said she !ould not altogether trusther mother& she'd rather trust her father) -ut if thathad ha$$ened to VherV& her father !ould ha%e boxedher ears !ith the diar) 2 did not !ant to sho! anthing&but in the e%ening 2 onl ga%e >other Muite alittle iss) And she said& !hat's the matter& dearQ hasanthing ha$$enedQ Then 2 could not ee$ it in

and 2 cried lie anthing and said You'%e betraedme) And >other said N2QN Yes& ou ou toldFather about the diar though ou $romised me ou!ouldn't) At first >other didn't remember anthingabout it& but soon she remembered and said N-ut&little one& 2 tell Father e%erthing) All ou meant !asthat Dora !as not to no!)N That's Muite true& it'sall right that Dora !asn't told but still Father neednot ha%e been told either) And >other !as a!fulls!eet and nice and 2 didn't go to bed till /9 o'cloc)-ut !hate%er ha$$ens 2 shan't tell her anthing againand 2 don't care about the old diar an more) .ella

sas Don't be stu$id 2 ought just to go on !ritingbut another time 2 should be careful not to loseanthing& and besides 2 should not blab e%erthing to>other and Father) She sas she no longer tells hermother anthing since that time in the summer !henher mother ga%e her a box on the ear because thatother girl had told her all about e%erthing) 2t's Muitetrue& .ella is right& 2'm just a child still in the !a2 run to >other and tell her e%erthing) And it's notnice of Father to tease me about m diar 2 su$$osehe ne%er e$t one himself)

>arch 71th) .urrah !e're going to .ainfeld forEaster 2 am so delighted) >other has a friend there!hose husband is doctor there& so she has to li%e thereall the ear round) "ast ear in the !inter she andAda staed three das !ith us because her ees !erebad) Ada is reall nearl as old as Dora& but Dorasaid& lie her chee N.er intellectual le%el maesher much more suitable com$an for ou than for me)NDora thins herself cle%erer than anone else) Theha%e 7 bos& but 2 don't no! them %er !ell for theare onl and 0) >other's friend !as in an aslumonce& for she !ent off her head !hen her 7 ear old

bab died) 2 remember it Muite !ell) 2t must ha%ebeen more than 7 ears ago !hen Father and >other!ere al!as taling of $oor Anna !ho had lost her


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child !ithin B das) And 2 belie%ed she had realllost it& and once 2 ased !hether the had found itet) 2 thought it had been lost in the forest& becausethere's such a great forest at .ainfeld) And sincethen 2 can't bear to hear $eo$le sa lost !hen themean dead& for it is so difficult to no! !hich the

reall mean)

;n the th of A$ril the Easter holidas !ill beginand !e shall go on the //th& on >aund Thursda)

A$ril 3th) 2 don't no! !hat to do about !ritingm diar) 2 don't !ant to tae it !ith me and asfor remembering e%erthing and !riting it do!n after!ards2 no! Muite !ell 2 should ne%er do that) .ellasas 2 should onl jot it do!n in outline& that's !hatFrau Dotor >) al!as sas& and !rite it out $ro$erlafter 2 come bac from .ainfeld) That's !hat she

does) The are going to the -rioni 2slands) 2'%ene%er seen the sea) .ella sas there's nothing so!onderful about it) She's been there four times)An!a she does not thin so much of it as most$eo$le do) So it can't be anthing so frightfullgrand) ,ather stu$id 2 dare sa)

A$ril /7th) e got here esterda) Ada is adarling but the t!o bos are a!full %ulgar) Ernstlsaid to Ada 2 shall gi%e ou a smac on the a@@@@if ou don't gi%e me m $istol directl) Ada is astall as her mother) Their s$eech is rather countrified

E%en the doctor's) .e drins a frightful lot of beerMuarts 2 belie%e)

A$ril /Jth) Father came to@da) .e's a!fullfond of the doctor) The issed one another) 2t didmae me laugh) 2n the morning !e !ere in the forestbut there are no %iolets et& onl a fe! sno!dro$s& buta tremendous lot of hellebores Muite red)

A$ril /6th) e got u$ at J esterda morning)e did not go into the church for >other !as afraidthat the smell of incense and boots !ould mae Dora

feel bad) hat rot( 2t !as lo%el) This afternoon!e are going to ,amsau& it's lo%el there)

A$ril /3th) Father !ent home to@da) e gohome to@morro!) At hitsuntide Ada's mother isgoing to bring her to be confirmed) The are allcoming to sta !ith us) 2 got stuc in a bog on theban of the ,amsau) 2t !as a!ful) -ut the doctor$ulled me out and then !e did all laugh so !hen !esa! !hat m shoes and stocings !ere lie) "ucil2 !as able to catch hold of a tree stum$ or 2 shouldha%e sun right in)

A$ril /th) .ella sas it !as s$lendid at the -rioni2slands) She is frightfull sunburned) 2 don't lie


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that& so 2 shall Vne%erV go to the VsouthV) .ella sas thatif one marries in !inter one VmustV s$end one's honemoonin the south) That !ould not suit me& 2 shouldjust $ut off m marriage till the summer)

Ada is onl /B not /J lie Dora& and the $arish

$riest maes a tremendous fuss because she's notconfirmed et) .er mother is going to bring her to beconfirmed soon) e are not going to be confirmedbecause Father and >other don't !ant to be bothered!ith it) Still 2 should lie to be confirmed& for thenone VhasV to ha%e a !atch& and one can as for somethingelse at #hristmas)

A$ril 7/st) ;ur lessons are something frightfuljust no!) The school ins$ector is coming soon) 2t'sal!as %er disagreeable) >me A) sas The in@s$ection is for the staff not for the $u$ils) Still& it's

horrid for the $u$ils too first of all because !e getblamed at the time and secondl because the staffmaes such a frightful ro! about it after!ards) Dorasas that a bad ins$ection can mae one's re$ort 7degrees !orse) - the !a& that reminds me that2 ha%e not et !ritten !h ;s!ald did not come homeat Easter) VAlthough his re$orts !ere not at all goodV&he !as allo!ed to go to Aunt Alma's at Pola& becausethis ear ,ichard comes home for the holidas forthe last time) After that he's going a!a for threeears in the steamshi$ N;:eanN to the East or Tureor Persia& 2 don't Muite no! !here) 2f ;s!ald lies

he can go into the a 0th) The school ins$ector came to@da& firstof all in natural histor& than goodness 2 !asn'tin for it that time& and then in German 2 !as inthat& reading and in the table of contents of theandering -ells) Than goodness 2 got throughall right)

>a /Jth) 2t's >other's birthda to@da) e'%ehad sim$l no time to !or anthing for her& so !egot a !onderful electric lam$ for her bed table& the

s!itch is a bunch of gra$es and the stand is madeof brass) She !as so $leased !ith it) YesterdaFrau %) ,) !as here) She's a friend of >other's andof .ella's mother) 2 should lie to ha%e music lessonsfrom Frau %) ,)& she gi%es lessons since her husband!ho !as a major died though she is Muite !ell off)

>a /6th) That must ha%e been true about theins$ection in the inter%al to@da Professor 2gel@


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the ins$ection is o%er) The staff is al!as Muitedifferent !hen the ins$ector is there& some are better&some are stricter& and >me) A) sas 2 al!as feelMuite ill !ith anxiet)

>a 70th) At hitsuntide Frau Doctor .aslinger

came from .ainfeld !ith Ada and the t!o bos forthe confirmation) ;n hitsunda the doctor cametoo and in the e%ening the all !ent home again)Ada is %er $rett& but she loos countrified) 2'mnot going to be confirmed anho!) e had to !aitB hours& though the Frida before hitsunda !asa %er fine da) Dora did not come onl >otherand 2 and Ada and her mother) The !omen !ho!ere selling !hite fa%ours all thought that 2 !as oneof the candidates because 2 !ore a !hite dress too)Ada !as rather $ut out about it) ;n Saturda !e!ere in to!n in the morning and afternoon because

Ada lied that better than the ?ahlenberg on Sundamorning !e !ent to Schonbrunn and in the afternoonthe !ent home) The !atch the ga%e to Ada !as alo%el one and Dora and 2 ga%e her a gold chain fora locet) She enjoed herself immensel& exce$t thaton Sunda she had a frightful headache) -ecauseshe is not used to to!n noises)

>a B/st) Ada no!s a good deal alread& butnot e%erthing) 2 told her a fe! things) 2n .) last!inter a girl dro!ned herself because she !as goingto ha%e a bab) 2t made a great sensation and her

mother told her a little& but not e%erthing) Adaonce sa! a bitch ha%ing her $u$s& but she didn't tellher mother about it she thought that her mother mightbe %er angr) Still& she could not hel$ it& the dogbelonged to their next door neighbour and she ha$@$ened to see it in the out@house) Ada is ex$ectingVitV to begin e%er da for she is nearl /J) 2n .) e%ergro!n@u$ girl has an admirer) Ada sas she !illha%e one as soon as she is /J she no!s !ho it !ill be)

Rune Brd) Ada !rote to@da to than >other aboutthe confirmation and she !rote to me as !ell) 2t is

strange that she did not mae friends !ith Dora but!ith me) 2 thin that Dora !on't tal about VthoseVthings& at least onl !ith her friends in the highschool& es$eciall !ith Frieda Ertl) That is !h Adamade friends !ith me& though 2 am 7 ears ounger)She is reall an a!full nice girl)

Rune /0th) ;ne thing after another goes missingin our class& first it !as Fleischer's galoshes& then mne! glo%es& three times mone !as missing& and todaFraulein Steiner's ne! %anit bag) There !as agreat enMuir) -ut nothing !as found out) e all

thin it is Schmola) -ut no one !ill tell) To@da!e could none of us attend to our lessons es$eciall!hen Sch) left the room at half $ast //)


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Rune 79th) 2n our closet the school ser%ant foundsome beads on the floor but since she did not no!anthing she thre! them into the dustbin) as itreall Sch)Q 2t !ould be a dirt tric) Frl) St) isfrightfull u$set because her betrothed ga%e her the

%anit bag for a birthda $resent and his $hoto !asin it) -ut 2'm reall sorr for Sch) )said N


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her among us an longer)N .ella !as reall s$lendidand Frau Dotor >) made us tell her e%erthing thathad ha$$ened& including about +erbeno!itsch andthe co$boos and !e sa! Muite clearl she had tearsin her ees and she said NThe $oor child( #hildren2 $romise 2 !ill do !hat 2 can for her)N e both

issed her hand and m heart beat furiousl) And.ella said NYou are an angel)N 2 could ne%er ha%emanaged to sa a thing lie that)

Rune 7th) To@da Sch) !as there again& but FrauDotor >) did not sa anthing) .ella and 2 e$ton looing at her and .ella cleared her throat threetimes and Frau Dotor said -rucner& do sto$ clearingour throat it !ill onl mae our sore throat!orse -ut it seemed to me her ees t!inled as shesaid it) So she hasn't forgotten) 2 !anted to s$eato Sch)& but .ella said ait a bit& !e must gi%e the

Frau Dotor a chance) She's taen the matter inhand) To@morro! before 0 !e'll !al u$ and do!nin front of her house till she comes out)

Rune B9th) =nlucil esterda !as a holida andto@da Frau Dotor's first lesson began at //) -utshe has alread had a tal !ith Sch) onl !e don'tno! !hen and !here certainl it !as not inthe inter%al and she did not send for Sch) duringlessons)

Rul /st) To@da !e !aled to school !ith her

She VisV such a dear) #hildren& she said& this is sucha $ainful matter& and it is difficult to find a !a out)Sch) insists that she did not do it& and !hether shedid it or not these das are burning themsel%es intoher soul and .ella ased NPlease& Frau Dotorad%ise us !hat to do& s$ea to her or notQN Thenshe said #hildren 2 thin that after this affair she!on't come bac to us next ear ou !ill be doing agood !or if ou mae these last das bearable toher) You !ere ne%er intimate !ith her& but to gi%eher a friendl !ord or t!o !ill do ou no harm andma hel$ her) You 7 ha%e a high standing in the

class our exam$le !ill do good) e !aled !ithher till !e reached the school& and because !e !erethere !e could not iss her hand but .ella said outloud .o! s!eet ou are( She must ha%e heard it)-ut Sch) !as not at school) Father sas he's gladthat the term is nearl o%er& for 2 ha%e been Muitecra: about this affair) Still& he thins that .ella and2 should tal to Sch) So does >other) -ut Dorasaid Yes that's all right but ou must not go too far)

Rul 6th) Sch) !as not at school to@da) To@morro!!e are to get our re$orts)

Rul 3th) e cried lie anthing 2 and .ella and+erbeno!itsch because !e shan't see Frau Dotor >)


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an more for nearl B months) 2 onl had 7 in .istorand


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and since then he ne%er sas a !ord !hen Ada and,osa are !ith us) > birthda is coming soon& thangoodness 2 shall be /7 then& onl 7 ears more and2 shall be /J 2 am so glad) .ella !rote to me to@da for the second time) 2n August she is going to.ungar to sta !ith her uncle& he has a great estate

and she !ill learn to ride there)

SE#;


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through the bac gate and looed at our hands andtold our fortunes& mine and Ada's and Dora's) ;fcourse !e don't belie%e it& but she told Ada thatshe !ould ha%e a great but short career after mandifficult struggles) That fits in $erfectl) -ut shemade a frightful mess of it !ith me Great ha$$iness

a!aits me !hen 2 am Vas old again as 2 am no!V agreat $assion and great !ealth) ;f course that mustmean that 2 am to marr at 7J) At 7J( .o!absurd( Dora sas that 2 loo much ounger than /7so that she meant 79 or e%en /) -ut that's justas sill& for Dr) .)& !ho is a doctor and no!s soman girls& sas 2 loo VolderV than m age) So thatit's im$ossible that the old g$s !oman could ha%ethought 2 !as onl /9 or e%en 0) Dora's fortune !asthat in a Vfe!V ears she !as to ha%e much trouble andthen ha$$iness) And she told Ada that her line oflife !as broen((

Se$tember /Jth) ;s!ald left earl this morning&Father issed him on both chees and said ForGod's sae be a good cha$ this last ear at school).e has to matriculate this ear& it's frightfull difficult)-ut he sas that anone !ho has chee enough canget through all right) .e sas that chee is oftenmore hel$ than a lot of s!oting and grinding) 2 no!he's right but unfortunatel at the moment it ne%eroccurs to me !hat 2 ought to do) 2 often thinafter!ards& ou ought to ha%e said this or that) .ellais reall !onderful and Frane too& though she's not

$articularl cle%er& can al!as mae a smart ans!er)2f onl half of !hat ;s!ald sas he sas to the $rofessorsis true& then 2 can't understand !h he is notex$elled from e%er Gm) sas >other) ;s!ald sas2f one onl $uts it in the right !a no one can saanthing) -ut that doesn't hold al!as)

Se$tember /3th) .ella is coming bac to@da)That's !h 2'm !riting in the morning& because she'scoming here in the afternoon) 2'm a!full glad) 2ha%e begged >other to bu a lo%el cae& one of theind .ella and 2 are both so fond of)

Se$tember 79th) ;nl a !ord or t!o) Schoolbegan again to@da) Than goodness Frau Dotor >)still taes our class) Frl) Steiner too her doctor'sdegree at the end of the school ear) 2n histor !eha%e a ne! Frau Dotor& but !e don't no! hername et) The +ischer !oman has been VmarriedV inthe holidas((( 2t's enough to mae one s$lit !ithlaughing that anone should marr Vher(((V Dorasas she !ouldn't lie to be her husband but mostliel he !ill soon get a di%orce) -esides& s$ectaclesin a !oman are a!ful) 2 can $ut u$ !ith a $incene:

for one does not !ear them all the time) -ut s$ectacles(Dora sas too that she can't understand ho!a man can marr a !oman !ith s$ectacles) .ella


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often sas it maes her feel Muite sic !hen +ischerglares at her through her s$ectacles) e ha%e a ne!natural histor $rofessor) 2'm a!full glad thatthree of our mistresses ha%e doctors degrees and that!e ha%e one or reall 7 $rofessors& for !e ha%e the,eligions$rofessor too) 2n the Third the are frightfull

annoed because onl one of their mistresses hasa doctor's degree) Dora has 7 doctors and three$rofessors)

Se$tember 76th) All the girls are madl in lo%e!ith Professor ile the natural histor $rofessor).ella and 2 !aled behind him to@da all the !ahome) .e is a s$lendid looing man& so tall that hishead nearl touches the lam$ !hen he stands u$Muicl& and a s$lendid fair beard lie fire !hen thesun shines on it a Sun God( !e call him S) G)& butno one no!s !hat it means and !ho !e are taling

about)

Se$tember 70th) Schmola has left& 2 su$$ose becauseof Frl) St)'s %anit bag) T!o other girls ha%eleft and three ne! one's ha%e come& but neither 2nor .ella lie them)

;ctober /st) 2t !as m turn in


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>other is often ill) She has been laid u$ again forthe last J das) 2t's a!full dull and drear) ;fcourse 2 had time to !rite those das& but then 2didn't !ant to !rite) As soon as >other is !ell againshe's going to the ": to as ho! !e are getting on2'm a!full glad because of S)G)

other came to school to@daand sa! him too) 2 too her to him and he !ashea%enl) .e said 2 am %er $leased !ith ourdaughter she's %er een and cle%er) Then he turnedo%er the $ages of his noteboo as if to loo at hisnotes) -ut reall he no!s b heart ho! !e all !or)That is not VallV of course) That !ould be im$ossible!ith so man girls and he teaches in the scienceschool as !ell !here there are e%en more bos than!e are)

December 6th) Sating to@da 2 sa! the GoldFair) She is a!full $rett& but 2 reall don't thinher so lo%el as 2 did last ear) .ella sas she ne%ercould thin !hat had ha$$ened to m ees) NYou!ere madl in lo%e !ith her and ou ne%er noticedthat she has a t$ical -ohemian nose&N said .ella);f course that's not true& but no! m taste is VMuitedifferentV) Still& 2 said ho! d'ou do to her and she!as %er nice) hen she s$eas she is reall charming&and 2 do lo%e her gold sto$$ings) Frau Dotor>) has t!o too and !hen she laughs its hea%enl)

December th) 2 do !ish Dora !ould ee$ hersill joes to herself) hen the Trobisch's !ere allhere to@da the !ere taling about the school andshe said NGretl has a fresh enthusiasm each earlast ear it !as Frau Dotor >alburg and thisear it's Professor ile) Frau Dotor >alburghas fallen from grace no!)N 2f 2 had !anted to2 could ha%e begun about the t!o students on theice) -ut 2'm not lie that so 2 merel looed ather !ith contem$t and ga%e her a ic under thetable) And she had the chee to sa hat's thematterQ ;h& of course these tender secrets of the

heart must not be disclosed)


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o$erated on at once) A$$endicitis) .er mother hasjust tele$honed that the o$eration has been successful)-ut the doctors said that 7 hours later it !ould ha%ebeen too late) > nees are trembling and m handshaes as 2 !rite) She has not sle$t off the anistheticet)

December /9th) .ella is frightfull !ea no onecan see her exce$t her father and mother& not e%en"i::i) ;n St) onda e%ening& !hen !e !eregoing home after the gm lesson& she said she didnot feel at all !ell) The night before last she had arigor and the first thing in the morning the doctorsaid that she must go to hos$ital at once for ano$eration)

December //th) All the girls at school are frightfullexcited about .ella& and Frau Dr) St) !asa!full nice and $ut off mathematics till next Tuesda);n Sunda 2 am going to see .ella) She does!ant to see me so and so do 2 !ant to see her)

December /7th) She is still %er !ea and doesn'tcare about anthing 2 got her mother to tae someroses and %iolets from me& she did lie them so much)

December /Jth) This afternoon 2 !as !ith .ella

from t!o until a Muarter to J) She is so $ale and !hen 2came in !e both cried such a lot) 2 brought hersome more flo!ers and 2 told her directl that !henhe sees me Prof) ) al!as ass after her) So do theother members of the staff es$eciall Frau Dotor >)The girls !ant to %isit her but her mother !on't letthem) hen anone is ling in bed the loo Muitedifferent& lie strangers) 2 said so to .ella& and shesaid e can ne%er be strangers to one another&not e%en in death) Then 2 burst out cring againand both our mothers said 2 must go a!a becauseit !as too exciting for .ella)

December /6th) 2 !as !ith .ella again to@da)She $assed me a little note asing me to get from herlocer the $arcel !ith the blotting@boo for her fatherand the e baset for her mother and bring it to herbecause the things are not read et for #hristmas)

December /3th) .ella's better to@da) 2'%e got to$aint the blotting@boo for her father) Than goodness2 can) She'll be able to finish the e basetherself& that's nothing)

December /th) The -rucners are all frightfullunha$$ for it !on't be a real #hristmas if .ella hasto sta in hos$ital o%er #hristmas) -ut $erha$s she


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!ill for since esterda she has not been so !ell&the doctors can't mae out !h she suddenl hadfe%er once more) For she didn't let on that 2 hadbrought her some burnt almonds because she's soa!full fond of them) -ut no! 2'm so terriblfrightened that she'll ha%e to ha%e another o$eration)

December /0th) Directl after school 2 !ent tosee .ella again for 2 had been so anxious 2 couldnot slee$ all night) Than goodness she's better) ;neof the doctors said that if she'd been in a $ri%atehouse he !ould ha%e felt sure it !as an error in diet&but since she !as in hos$ital that could be excluded)So it !as from the burnt almonds and the t!o sticsof mar:i$an) .ella thins it !as the mar:i$an& forthe !ere large ones at 79 hellers each because nutslie hea% on the stomach) She had a $ain alread!hile 2 !as still there& but she !ouldn't sa anthing

about it because it !as her fault that 2'd brought herthe s!eets) She can beg as much as she lies no!&2 shan't bring her anthing but flo!ers& and thecan't mae her ill) ;f course it !ould be differentif it !ere true about the N+engeance of Flo!ers)N-ut that's all nonsense& and besides 2 don't bring anstrong@scented flo!ers)

December 79th) 2 am so glad& to@morro! or Tuesda.ella can come home& in time for the #hristmastree)


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in a hos$ital one al!as feels as if one !as going todie) She's Muite right) The first time 2 !ent to seeher 2 nearl burst out cring on the stairs) And after!ards!e both reall did cr frightfull) .er motherno!s about the couch& but it has not been sent et)2 do ho$e the !on't forget about it at the sho$)

December 7Brd) .ella !ent home to@da) .erfather carried her u$sta

a young girls diary - sigmund freud

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