e.lichgate news July 2020

St.Paul’s,HaslandServingHasland,Grassmoor,Winsick&Corbriggs

St.James’,TempleNormantonwww.stpaulshasland.com

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THE PARISH MAGAZINE The decision has been taken, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, to produce the magazine ONLY in electronic form at present. It will return to physical paper form as soon as it is able. If you are reading this you will be doing so electronically as paper copies should not be passed around. Can I therefore ask that you check the parish - and other- websites regularly, for news of the current situation and electronic resources? WEB DIRECTORY St Paul’s: www.stpaulshasland.com www.achurchnearyou.com//church/19826/ facebook page: St-Pauls-Church-Hasland

The easiest way to access it is to go the A Church Near You page for St Paul’s and click on the facebook link next to the word Social. You don’t need a facebook account just to view the material.

St James the Apostle: www.achurchnearyou.com/church/13274/

The See of Ebbsfleet: http://www.ebbsfleet.org.uk The Society: http://www.sswsh.com The Diocese of Derby: http://www.derby.anglican.org/en/ The Church of England: https://www.churchofengland.org

LIVE-STREAMING SERVICES A reminder that the 11am Sunday Mass from St Paul’s is being ‘live-streamed’ on the parish facebook page: just search for ‘St Paul’s Church-Hasland Facebook’. You don’t need an account to see the service, only if you wish to interact with it.

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READINGS FOR JULY Sunday 5th 1st Reading Zechariah 9:9-12 The 4th Sunday 2nd Reading Romans 7:15-25a after Trinity Gospel Matthew 11:16-19, 25-30 Sunday 12th 1st Reading Isaiah 55:10-13 The 5th Sunday 2nd Reading Romans 8:1-11 after Trinity Gospel Matthew 13:1-9, 18-23 Sunday 19th 1st Reading Wisdom 12:13,16-19 The 6th Sunday 2nd Reading Romans 8:12-25 after Trinity Gospel Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43 Saturday 25th 1st Reading Acts 11:27-12:2 St James 2nd Reading II Corinthians 4:7-15 the Apostle Gospel Matthew 20:20-28 Sunday 26th 1st Reading 1 Kings 3:5-12 The 7th Sunday 2nd Reading Romans 8:26-39 after Trinity Gospel Matthew 13:31-33, 44-52 May I suggest that, if you wish to use only one reading, it should be the Gospel for the day.

FROM THE REGISTERS

BAPTISMS & MARRIAGES It is not possible for baptisms or marriages to take place in church at this time, whilst restrictions around COVID-19 are in place.

FUNERALS IN CHURCH It is not yet possible for funerals to take place in either church but consideration is being given to how that might be possible, now that it is legally permitted again by the diocese.

CHRISTIAN Burial/Cremation 11th June Harriet HARTILL aged 84

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July 2020

From your Rector and Vicar

Dear friends

It is really good to be able to announce that St Paul’s Church Hasland will be open for individual private prayer from Wednesday 1st July, on a ‘drop-in' basis. There is not any booking but you do need to be aware that, as things stand, only three households can be in the building at any one time - you may have to wait patiently in the porch or outside until space is available. There is an extra wheelchair accessible space for those who require it.

A one-way system is place and entry will be by the main door and seating will be on one of three pews in the middle section. Only 1 household per pew is possible as the pews are not big enough to share with even one other person. Moving through the pew you can then exit by way of the choir vestry door. Hand sanitiser is available both on entry and exit and you MUST sanitise your hands properly.

Volunteer stewards will be on duty inside and outside the church and of course, can direct those who need stepless access, to use the choir vestry entrance. They will also clean ‘touch points’ such as pew ends and tops, between use.

It will be possible to light a candle at the statue of Our Lady but please be thoughtful and leave space for others to do so as well.

To start with, the church will be open on Wednesday morning from 10 am - 11 am and Sunday afternoon from 2 pm - 3 pm and we will look at opening it more often when sufficient stewards are in place.

The arrangements will be kept under review as experience is gained and amended as appropriate within government guidelines and in line with the risk assessment. Because we are will be operating using the 2m socially distancing rules, face masks do not need to be worn but you may wear one if you wish.

Although it has been announced that public worship can restart from 4th July we are not, in either parish, ready to make that step but will work to see how something can be put in place once more detailed guidance is issued from the diocese: after all, the church is a body that gathers together to worship the one true God but can only do that when it is safe to do so.

Fr Geoffrey

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CALENDAR FOR JULY 2020

At the time of writing, public worship is still suspended due to Covid-19 but do please stay alert for announcements regarding this. When it does return it may not be able to follow the same pattern as before.

3rd July St Thomas 5th July The 4th Sunday after Trinity 11th July St Benedict 12th July The 5th Sunday after Trinity 19th July The 6th Sunday after Trinity 22nd July St Mary Magdalene 25th July St James the Apostle 26th July The 7th Sunday after Trinity 31st July St Ignatius Loyola

CHURCH FINANCE AT THIS TIME

May I thank, on behalf of the PCC, those people who were able to respond to my plea about church finances. Quite rightly, I am not aware of the who or how much, just that a number of people have responded, please accept this as a thank you.

As the church begins to re-open, just like the country and every other business, its economy will also have to restart to ensure that the life and work of the church can properly continue, not only in these parishes but in the diocese as a whole.

Fr Geoffrey

WHEN YOU COME BACK INTO CHURCH

Outside Church: speak quietly to each other, keeping socially distant. Inside Church: speak quietly to God, he is closer than we will ever know.

Please be thoughtful to others who may also be waiting to come in.

Pew runners and kneelers have had to be removed: you may bring your own cushion but please do not forget to take it home when you leave.

Lavatories will not be available for use at this time.

IN THE CHURCHYARD. In June the churchyard rang, not with the sound of birds singing but with the sound of hedge-cutters and strimmers shattering the peace of Churchside. In the safe hands of Noel, Chris, Alan and myself. We have made a good start, and will soon have the Churchyard looking smart again. Thank you to Fr Geoffrey for tackling the memorial garden lawn during lockdown. This was a great help.

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Saints this Month: 11th July St Benedict (circa. 480 - 550 AD) St Benedict, remarkably for someone who lived over 1500 years ago, speaks to our current situation. For example, one way of thinking about the rule that he wrote and that others started to follow was that they were engaged in a school of prayer and the period of lockdown has been an opportunity, taken up by some, of revisiting their prayer lives, of strengthening the pattern that they already had or developing a new one.

Part of the Rule of St Benedict is bound up in the threefold nature of the lives of the monks and nuns that follow it: as well as prayer there is manual work and study and this daily pattern, of prayer-work-study, is tailored to a given person. The enormous amount of gardening, decorating, cooking, baking, sewing or whatever you have been doing as an individual during lockdown speaks of the manual labour element and reading - perhaps the bible, perhaps something else, of the study.

It is not that we have all, through lockdown, become monks or nuns - that is a deliberate, positive choice by individuals to follow God’s call to live in that way - but that we can learn from the immense wisdom of a saint such as Benedict who has stood the test of time and can still, in a way modified for those of us not cloistered, support us in the daily pattern of our lives.

THE RUMOUR In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three. Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary," was the reply. "So", Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though because there is a third test - the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" The man hesitated and said, "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good, nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

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JULY RECIPES Thanks to Val Crampton SAUSAGE, BEAN AND POTATO PIE 8 thick sausages 2 tins baked beans 3 large baking potatoes grated cheese 1 tbsp cooking oil 1 oz butter 1 packet plain crisps

Brown the sausages in the oil. Thinly slice the potatoes and part boil for 5 mins. Slice the sausages down the middle and put into an oven proof dish then cover with the beans. Drain the potatoes and layer over the beans, dab over the butter and sprinkle with the cheese. Crush the crisps and sprinkle over the cheese. Bake at 180c for about 30mins. Serve with crusty bread. You can also add mushrooms and bacon if liked.

ETON MESS CHEESECAKE 75g butter 150g digestive biscuits 375g strawberries 50g caster sugar 540g cream cheese 100g icing sugar 2tsp vanilla extract 400ml double cream 3 meringue nests broken. 200ml white wine Line a 8” springform tin. Melt the butter, crush the biscuits and stir into the butter. Transfer to the tin and press into an even layer. Chill for 10mins. Blitz 175g strawberries and put into a pan with the sugar and 200ml of white wine (if liked) or water, bring gently to the boil and simmer until reduced to a thick syrup, set aside to cool. Beat the cream cheese, icing sugar and vanilla to combine. Whip 250ml of the cream and fold through the cheese mixture. Pour over the base and chill, ideally overnight but at least 3 hours. Whip the remaining cream. Run a hot knife around the edge of the cheesecake and release from the tin. Pipe the cream on top decorate with the remaining strawberries and broken meringue. Drizzle with the syrup.

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PHYSICAL DISTANCING It's ok that you didn't clean the house today,

It's ok that you didn't run six miles, It's ok that you don't know how to make soufflé,

Or that you're not always full of smiles, Don't worry that you haven't learnt to crochet,

Don't worry if you feel a little blue, It's ok to relax sometimes,

Just do the things that make you, you. Take this time to re-evaluate, The things you really need,

Enjoy the sun that's right outside, Read that book you want to read,

Chat to a neighbour that you've never met, Re-read your favourite bible verse, Make sure that you're eating well,

And just remember, it could be worse. Remember you are loved,

Remember to be safe, Phone a friend, say a prayer,

Remember to have faith.

Leah Plant (aged 14)

FAITHFUL GOD, When you call, may we respond; When we falter, be our guide. When you speak, may we hear;

When you ask, may we answer; When we hesitate, be our resolve. When you show, may we see;

When we disregard, be our conscience. When you lead, may we follow; When we stray, be our shepherd.

When you send may we go; When we fear, be our courage.

When you challenge, may we listen; When we fail, be our rock.

When you give, may we receive; And may we love, as you first loved us. Amen.

Paul Martin) Taken from the Methodist Church Prayer Handbook 2019/2020)

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Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people. (Anon) I could not, at any age, be content to take my place by the fireside and simply look on. Life was meant to be lived. Curiosity must be kept alive. One must never, for whatever reason, turn one's back on life. (Eleanor Roosevelt) I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find any. The good thing about the future is that I have an opportunity to think differently and do things differently and the great blessing is that it always starts immediately. There would be less childhood inactivity if children had to do some strenuous work in order to charge their smart phones Your successes may make you clever, but it is only your problems and failures that will make you wise. (Seen on a notice board outside a church) You’ll like it in here – the church is prayer conditioned. TIME FOR A SMILE

The church treasurer came down early one morning and complained to his wife that he had hardly slept a wink. His wife asked, "Why on earth didn't you count sheep? He replied, "I did, and that's what got me into trouble - I made a mistake in the first hour, and it took me until early morning to correct it.” A church notice sheet was prepared in great haste and it contained the following announcement. A proof reader would have helped! "There will be a special meeting of the Church Council next Saturday morning. We hope all members will be able to attend. It will be gin with breakfast at 7.30am. Following a short illness, a vicar lost his hearing, but he continued to preach the following Sunday morning. At lunch he told his family it was a very strange experience because he couldn't hear himself preach. One of his mischievous children promptly responded with, "You don't know how lucky you were."

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The Revd Dr Jo White continues her series on symbols in our churches

REFLECTED FAITH SERIES: A ‘HOLDING CROSS’

Many churches today are using social media to hold public services – either together at the same time or uploaded so you can listen and watch at any time and worship in your home when it is convenient for you.

I find that having a ‘prayer space’ when I join, as well as when I pray alone, enables me to enter into that time of holiness quicker and more fruitfully.

It’s like when you physically go to a church building for a service. Your hand

holds the door handle and you choose to enter into a sacred space. Not many of us have the luxury of a separate space where we currently

live, and in many ways I prefer not to distinguish prayer life from everyday life. After all, where does one end and the other begin? God is everywhere; in every room in the house. He’s no less in my home or yours than He is in our locked church buildings. He’s with me when I pray and when I eat, or cook, or watch TV and so on.

One item I appreciate is a cross that I can hold. Ideally one that completely fits into my hand.

There are wooden ‘Holding Crosses’ that you can make or buy especially for this purpose, but you can use any material. Perhaps you could make one out of felt and stuff it, to give it form and solidity.

I have one made from an old plastic book binding strip, which I cut to size. One piece slots into the other, to form the cross shape.

What I appreciate about the holding cross is its firmness, it reminds me that Christ is my firm foundation; that God is solid and dependable. It reminds me also that whatever happens I will cling to Him. And it tells me that as I hold that cross in my hand so I pray that He will hold me forever, never letting me go or fall.

-ooOoo-

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% of how you respond to it. - Anon Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. – Anon Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. – Anon

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Terry Warburton speculates on what the future holds for our churches. THE REASONS FOR GOING TO CHURCH Strange times we are living through. The future consequences of coronavirus are going to be challenging, to say the least. How will our churches fare when our buildings are allowed to re-open? One could say that the reasons for churchgoing can be put into three slots, ‘Culture’, ‘Faith’ and ‘Community’. Many churchgoers would probably recognise in themselves elements of more than one. Culture is for those who feel comfortable in church. They like the history, the language, the buildings, the liturgy and the music, which have probably been a part of their lives since they were children. All hold comforting memories. Faith is a link with the meaning of life and its eternal promise, somewhere to seek guidance through worship and sacrament, and on which to lean in times of trouble. A belief in the words of Jesus that they are not on their own, even if sometimes it feels like it in this world. Community is for those who like coming to church or being associated with it as a flying buttress (a phrase of Winston Churchill, who described himself as someone who supports the church from the outside). They don't have to have a commitment to the faith of the Church but are sympathetic and don't mind being with those who do. It is likely that the ‘old normality’ will not be the ‘new normality’ and this provokes a few thoughts: * How many people, now out of the habit of regular community worship, will wish to return to it? * How many people on the periphery of church life, will come back to it, at least in the short term? * How many of those who have had a regular commitment to the church, for example by serving at the altar or in its refectories, singing in choirs, doing flowers, ringing bells and polishing brasses will feel that this is a good time to make a break and do something different? As church people, we must consider where we go from here. The Church, everywhere in the infected world, will need to know our answer to its call. To thrive, it needs us back.

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THE NEW ABSOLUTELY-MUST-HAVE ITEM FOR YOUR KITCHEN

Here is a curious winner in the coronavirus crisis: the humble egg cup. It has been flying off the shelves in recent months, as more of us find solace in a cooked breakfast. At one point, John Lewis had sold out of most of its egg cups, with even the most expensive lines selling out. (Such as Le Creuset’s set of six egg cups for £45, or Emma Bridgwater’s set of six for £27.95.) As Nicola Hattersley, tableware buyer for John Lewis, explained: “One positive from being at home more is taking the time to make mealtimes more of an occasion. “The humble egg cup – something many of us haven’t used since childhood – is gracing tables once again and hopefully we’ll see a new generation becoming familiar with ‘soldiers’ and debating the best way to smash open a boiled egg.”

Not just vergers!

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Canon Paul Hardingham considers some comforting words from Isaiah. THE FRAILTY OF LIFE According to one survey, during the lockdown, a quarter of adults in the UK have watched or listened to a religious service and one in 20 have started praying. While the majority of people who contract Covid-19 survive, it reminds us that we are much more frail and weak than we like to think. As the prophet Isaiah says: ‘All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall, because the breath of the Lord blows on them. Surely the people are grass. The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God endures for ever.’ (Isaiah 40:6-8). Isaiah’s words really resonate at this time. In more normal times we can avoid facing up to our vulnerability, but this pandemic has forced us to recognise our weakness and fragility. However, this shouldn’t lead us to despair or fear; rather it is an opportunity to worship and praise for His constancy and care. In Peter’s first letter he quotes this passage from Isaiah and says, ‘For you have been born again, not of perishable seed, but of imperishable, through the living and enduring word of God’ (1 Peter 1:23). Peter contrasts our mortality with the eternal Word of God, which bring us new birth and life through the power of the Spirit. Jesus died for our sins and rose again to make us right with God, so that trough faith in Him we can know eternal life. We don’t need to be afraid of our frailty, for God is a dependable foundation on which to build our lives and face eternity. ‘We blossom and flourish as leaves on the tree. And wither and perish, but nought changeth Thee.’ (Immortal, invisible, Walter C Smith). Here is some encouragement for anyone going through tough times.

Just right for long, hot summer day

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Kirsty Steele, a retired teacher and active church organist. BUTTERCUPS – TREASURE IN OUR COUNTRYSIDE

Buttercup! What a

delicious name! Rumour has it that, as they were frequently to be found in meadows where cows grazed, they were responsible for butter's yellow colouring. So the name was an obvious

choice. However, since buttercups are poisonous and therefore are avoided as far as possible by our four-footed friends, this is somewhat unlikely. But surely, we all remember having a buttercup held under our chin to see whether the reflection proved that we liked butter! The shiny surface of the petals actually has two real purposes. Firstly, to help attract insects and secondly to act as a kind of mirror to aid the temperature regulation of the plant's reproductive organs.

We are fortunate that buttercups do not suffer from the same unpopularity as other poisonous plants, because if eaten, not only do they taste nasty, but the poison will also cause blisters in the mouth of the consumer. Extensive handling can also damage the skin, but presumably the size of bunch that many of us picked as children did not count as 'extensive'. Fortunately, Health and Safety experts do not yet seem to have forbidden this source of pleasure for little people. Incidentally, the poison is reduced as the plant dries, and hay that includes buttercups is safe for cows and horses to eat.

Buttercups help form the traditional view of the British countryside. Differing varieties range in height from small to quite tall and although at their peak in early summer, the golden blooms can often still be seen in mid-autumn. Jan Struther, who wrote 'Lord of all hopefulness' also wrote a children's hymn entitled 'Treasure' It starts: Daisies are our silver, buttercups our gold: This is all the treasure we can have or hold. As Disney’s Wise Owl said to Thumper the rabbit: ‘If you can’t say something good about someone, don’t say anything at all’.

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Tim Lenton looks back on the creator of a legendary detective.

THE MAN WHO CREATED SHERLOCK HOLMES

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, the multi-talented writer who created Sherlock Holmes, the world’s most famous detective, died 90 years ago, on 7th July 1930 at his home in Sussex, probably of a heart attack. He was 71.

He had been born in Edinburgh to a prosperous Irish-Catholic family with a dysfunctional father and a loving mother who had a talent for inventing stories. He spent

seven years in a Jesuit boarding school in England, which he loathed, and qualified as a medical doctor at the University of Edinburgh. He added ‘Conan’ to his name at that stage.

He wrote the first Sherlock Holmes story, A Study in Scarlet, in 1887. In all, he wrote nearly 60 novels or short stories involving Holmes and his sidekick, Dr Watson. He did not regard them as his best work – he wrote prolifically on many subjects – but their characterisation and ingenious plotting made them by far the most popular.

He was married twice – first to “gentle and amiable” Louisa Hawkins, the sister of one of his patients, and then, after she died of tuberculosis in 1906, to the “strikingly beautiful” and talented Jean Leckie. Towards the end of his life he developed a strong interest in the occult and spiritualism. He was knighted in 1902.

-ooOoo-

More than other idols, personal success and achievement lead to a sense that we ourselves are god, that our security and value rest in our own wisdom, strength and performance…. The false sense of security comes from deifying our achievement and expecting it to keep us safe from the troubles of life in a way that only God can… Idolatry is not just a failure to obey God, it is a setting of the whole heart on something besides God…. Jesus must become more beautiful to your imagination, more attractive to your heart, than your idol. - Timothy Keller

The last ten years of life are the best, because we are freest from illusions and fullest of experience. - Benjamin Jowett

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DO YOU NEED A NEW PAIN KILLER? Do you ever take pain killers? If so, do you take one for your shoulder,

and another one for you knee? Of course not. Once the painkiller enters your bloodstream, it goes everywhere, soothing and damping down the pain, and hitting all the right spots.

God works a bit like that on the pain in our lives. He has a prescription for ALL the problem areas of our lives. Most of us carry emotional scars, or a burden, or some heartache, around with us. It may be the trauma of loss, or it may be anxiety for our family. It may be uncertainty over our jobs, and our futures.

Whatever it is, God offers us a prescription to help the pain. The psalmist writes: “God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46:1) Jesus added: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28)

This kind of help is real and immediate and there for the asking. We don’t have to put up with our dis-ease and struggle alone. God, our heavenly Father, is only a prayer away. Not just twice a day, after meals, but whenever we need him.

-ooOoo- Miscellaneous thoughts on our Christian pilgrimage There is no greater discovery than seeing God as the author of your destiny. - Ravi Zacharias God can do wonders with a broken heart if you give Him all the pieces. - Victor Alfsen Most of our comforts grow up between our crosses. - Edward Young Loneliness is the first thing which God’s eye nam’d not good. - John Milton Prayer is not an argument with God to persuade Him to move things our way, but an exercise by which we are enabled by His spirit to move things His way. - Anon Lord, fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I’ve said enough! Christianity can be condensed to four words: admit, submit, commit, transmit. - Bishop Samuel Wilberforce. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to McDonald's makes you a hamburger. A coincidence is when God performs a miracle and decides to remain anonymous. Here are two things I have learned: There is a God. And I'm not Him. Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God's grace. And your best days are never so good that you're beyond the need of God's grace. Science can add years to your life, but only Christ can add life to your years. The Christian’s chief occupational hazards are depression and discouragement. - J Stott Until you are free to die, you are not free to live.

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Tim Lenton considers the founding of an important charity. REMEMBERING THE MAN WHO FOUNDED BARNARDO’S

It was 175 years ago, on 4th July 1845,

that Thomas Barnardo, the humanitarian and philanthropist, was born in Dublin. He founded Barnardo’s, a charity which continues to care for vulnerable children and young people.

The son of a furrier, he worked as a clerk until converted to evangelical Christianity in 1862. He moved to London, intending to study medicine and become a missionary in China. He never qualified as a doctor – despite being known as Dr Barnardo – and soon decided that his real calling was to help poor children living on the streets of London, where one in five children died before their fifth birthday.

He opened his first home for boys in 1870 and soon vowed never to turn a child away. Most Victorians saw poverty as shameful, associating it with poor morals and laziness, but Barnardo refused to discriminate. He made sure boys were trained and found them apprenticeships.

When Barnardo died in 1905, he left 96 homes caring for more than 8,500 vulnerable children, including those with learning difficulties. Because he believed that children should ideally grow up in a family setting, in 1887 he introduced an early form of fostering – boarding out children to host families.

When the congregation is away!

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New version of Apostles’ Creed When our church began live streaming its services, our minister was at first a bit nervous. Still, he kept his cool, and you would never have known he was struggling until he reached the Apostles’ Creed. Then he firmly announced that Jesus was..."confused by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary..." Crazy? Our minister wanted the title of his next sermon to be posted ahead of time on the church website. He rang our church warden and said that the title was to be: ‘Are Ministers Crazy?’ Not hearing this as a question, the church warden dutifully posted: ‘Our Minister's Crazy.’ Beware As you prepare for the school holidays, remember this: children are natural mimics. They act like us in spite of all our attempts to teach them good manners. Seagull A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year-old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" "He died and went to heaven," the father replied. The boy thought a moment and then asked: "Why did God throw him back down?" Lost in translation Last year, some friends took their six-year-old on a car trip to France. To help pass the time on the way down to the Channel, they encouraged their son to practise his new reading skills by calling out road signs. He fell asleep just before they entered France. When he awoke, he saw the French motorway signs and said in a worried tone, "I think I forgot how to read while I was asleep." Coronavirus: For the first time in history, we can help save the human race by lying in front of the TV and doing nothing. Let’s not mess this one up! I need to practice social-distancing - from my refrigerator. New style of prayer Our minister is still getting used to live streaming our church services. Last Sunday he invited us to join him digitally in prayer by saying firmly: "Let's bow our eyes and close our heads."

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Why did God make mothers? Here are some of the answers seven-year-olds gave to the following questions… Why did God give you your mother and not some other mum? God knew she likes me a lot more than other kids' mums like me. What kind of little girl was your mum? I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. What did your mum need to know about your dad before she married him? His last name. Why did your mum marry your dad? She got too old to do anything else with him. What's the difference between mums & dads? Mum knows how to talk to teachers without scaring them. What would it take to make your mum perfect? On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. Actual complaints received by a resort chain (before lockdown!) On my holiday to India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food. We booked an excursion to a water park, but no one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price. The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room. No one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared. It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair. We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning. I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes. The queue While waiting in a long queue early one morning for the supermarket to open for us ‘seniors’, I was surprised to see a young man saunter along and try to cut in at the front of the queue. A furious old lady waved her cane at him, and he quickly backed away. A moment later, the young man tried again. He managed to dodge the old lady, but then two old men started shouting at him. Again, the young man backed away. But he wasn’t giving up, and soon the young man approached the queue for the third time. By now, all of us pensioners were ready for him, an angry wall of opposition. The young man stood there for a moment, and then shrugged his shoulders. "If you people won't let me unlock the door, none of you will ever get in to shop."

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From Bishop Libby I was contacted recently by a Bishop in New Zealand, who is originally

from Tideswell, and whose family still live and work in the county. She follows us on social media and has been joining us in worship from time to time. She wanted to send her encouragement, and to say she is praying for us.

How wonderful to know that connections that cross the globe carry us in prayer. I was very grateful to +Eleanor for being in touch around the anniversary of my Installation.

I know many of us are feeling the cumulative weariness of having lived for months now of the uncertainty of crisis responses, and the prospect of possibly even less clarity as re-emergence from lockdown plays out over the coming months. +Eleanor wrote for me a Derbyshire Blessing, which I want to share with you. I pray you are indeed blessed, as you read its words of hope inspired by our beautiful county.

+Libby

A DERBYSHIRE BLESSING

May you know the perpetual joy of a Derbyshire blessing: where life giving water rises up within

and brings birth to celebration, community and all the colours of flower, field and forest

to cover you in a mantle of thanksgiving.

May limestone crag, gritstone moor and winding river mould and shape your heart in never ending fellowship

with the Creator of heaven and earth. May the land of hill farms, market towns and deep dales

hold you in a community of Divine love formed by an earthly humility

of belonging to a beauty both beyond you and a part of you because it is treasured unending in your heart.

May you be blessed by a Derbyshire blessing

where you join the co-creativity of Christ, and affirm together that for which your brow has sweated

and your spirit laboured is “not s' bad”, and in that humility be held always in this heavenly call

which rests upon you and upon this tender, treasured, part of God's good earth. Amen

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God the builder During the war, the rose window in the great Rheims Cathedral was shattered into bits by an indirect hit. The parishioners lovingly got down onto their hands and knees to gather together all the tiny pieces of broken glass. When the war was over, they hired the most skilled workmen available to rebuild it, piece by piece, from the gathered fragments. Today’s rose window in Rheims is more beautiful than it ever was. So God can take our broken lives and reshape them as we pray, ‘Lord, please forgive my mistakes of this day.’ - Reuben Youngdahl

Miscellaneous thoughts on daily life The deepest need of man is the need to overcome his separateness, to leave the prison of his aloneness. - Erich Fromm Vulnerability is the thing we most want to see in others, but the thing we least want others to see in us. - Brene Brown If men speak ill of you, live so that no one will believe them. - Anon Life’s evening will take its character from the day that has preceded it. - Anon Life is a journey that no one makes alone. The more people you touch along the way, the more meaningful and rewarding your time. – Anon

GETTING FORGETFUL? Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive gets full, so, too, do humans take longer to access information when their brains are full. Researchers say

this slowing down process is not the same as cognitive decline. The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more. Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there they stand wondering what they came for, then they go back to where they were to remember. It is NOT a memory problem; it is nature’s way of making older people do more exercise. SO THERE. Now when I reach for a word or a name, I won’t excuse myself by saying ‘I’m having a senior moment’. Now, I’ll say ‘My disc is full!’. I would like to tell all my friends about this but I cannot remember their names, so please tell your friends – they be mine as well!

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BIG LOCAL Stephen and Zoom meetings. I always thought that Zoom was an ice lolly, but I was mistaken. It is a device which allows us to conduct meetings from the comfort of our own home and to participate. We can see each other and communicate, hold our meetings and carry out the essential business that needs to be done. One person acts as the Host and invites participants to a meeting at a set time. Each participant is e-mailed a Zoom code, Password and IDnumber first, I found that to do three things at once was just too much. I could zoom in and could see all the participants, they could see me which was a

mixed blessing. I could hear them, but they could not hear me. I am sure that some people heaved a of relief, Stephen silenced at last. If I get on people’s nerves, they can always mute me or if I get bored, I can mute them. Oh, such power!! Having mastered this little hiccup. This method of communication allows business to be conducted, gives us an opportunity to see and talk to people who we would not otherwise be able to see during lockdown. I acknowledge that it is not the same as face to face which we have been accustomed to for ever, but it enables us still to communicate with one another. This has enabled me to join with the day to day work of Big Local - its monthly Board meetings where we have 96%attendance. Our weekly sub group meetings. To join in with the monthly Parish Council Chairs meeting for Derbyshire, and the weekly Wednesday Chats with Lay readers in the Diocese. If I can cope with this new technology, I am sure that anyone can, and we have our own experts in the form of Alan Cook and other members of our congregation who are computer savvie.

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Pancakes A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, five, and Ryan, three. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the chance for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'” Quick as a wink, Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" Wedding Cake Traditionally, the top tier was kept for the christening of the couple’s first baby.