academic success for kids with adhd

© Educational Connections, 2015 1

Academic Success for Kids with ADHD Adapted from www.ectutoring.com

By Ann Dolin, M.Ed.

As a parent of a child with ADHD, you understand firsthand the many challenges that can

negatively impact your child’s school experience and success. Whether your child struggles with

organizational skills or has a hard time getting motivated to complete homework, you may feel

frustrated and overwhelmed. The good news is, there are a number of valuable strategies that

can help your child overcome these challenges, and believe it or not, they’re easier to put into

action than you may think.

Read on to uncover ways to help your child:

Get organized for school

Overcome procrastination

Stay focused

Utilize electronic devices effectively for schoolwork

Feel motivated to succeed.

You’ll also learn useful communication strategies that can make a world of difference not only in

your child’s academic performance, but in your relationship with your child.

By employing the strategies outlined in the pages to follow, you help your child gain control of

his academic experience and create a learning environment that is most conducive to success.

http://www.ectutoring.com/


4 Simple Strategies for Getting Organized

for School

One of the most difficult challenges students with ADHD face is creating and maintaining

neatness and organization. Yet, without proper organization, your child’s academic success will

suffer. Organization isn’t rocket science, but it does require that you put a solid plan of action in

place. Here are four super easy-to-implement strategies that can help your child get organized

and stay organized this school year.

1. Create ONE Homework Folder – Has your child ever worked hard to complete an

assignment only to lose it the next day? There’s nothing worse than actually doing the

work but not being able to locate it when the teacher asks to turn it in. The answer to

this dilemma is one dedicated homework folder for all subjects. Studies show that when

kids have a pocket folder labeled “To Be Completed” on one side, and “Completed” on

the other side, they turn in a greater percentage of homework assignments on time. If

your middle or high schooler has multiple binders and is resistant to a separate folder,

encourage her to use the inner left pocket of each binder as her homework folder.

Students do best when there are routines in place, such as always putting homework

that needs to be done and that’s completed in the exact same place each time.

2. Establish a Clean Sweep – Any parent can help their child get organized, but the key for

the student is to maintain some semblance of neatness. A Clean Sweep can help. Carve

out 20 minutes one evening each week (Sundays after dinner often work well) to assist

your child with cleaning out and organizing her binder and backpack. Program this

reoccurring meeting into your phone as a reminder. By establishing weekly sessions, it’s

easier to keep up with organization throughout the year. If your child isn’t thrilled with

the weekly idea, use music. Turn up the volume of her favorite music for 20 minutes.

Music is mood lifting, energizing, and motivating, especially when you’re listening to

your favorite tunes.

3. Provide a Pendaflex Desk-Free Hanging Organizer– The hanging Pendaflex is my all-

time favorite organizational aid. It’s great for helping students to archive and organize

their school papers. It should be hung in a visible location, such as the back of the

student’s bedroom door, so it’s in sight and mind. At the end of the quarter, encourage

your child to clean out his binder, placing the important papers that can be useful for

studying for exams inside the Pendaflex. Label the tabs with the name of each subject. I

also have a Pendaflex for myself in order to easily store my kids’ special papers (report

cards, book reports, small art projects, etc.). Love it! You can purchase it online via

Amazon or Office Depot for around $20.

4. Try Out a Launching Pad – And finally, consider a “launching pad” which is really a fancy

term for a container for everything related to school that needs to get out the door each

morning. It can be a box, basket, or any bin large enough to house your child’s school

items such as his backpack, library books, lacrosse stick, etc. In essence, when kids can

find what they need for school first thing in the morning without stressing out, they are


launching into the day in an organized fashion. Have them ready their launching pad

the night before and be sure it’s by the door from which they will exit in the morning.

The key to organization is to determine the one thing that you want to tackle and start there.

For example, if mornings are too hectic and stressful, try the launching pad. If losing homework

is a problem, consider a dedicated homework folder. Pick a strategy and try it out for 21 days to

make real change happen.


Procrastination: Strategies to Get Kids with

ADHD Started

Getting your child organized is, of course, only part of the battle. You can have the most efficient

organizational system put in place, but that only goes so far in helping your child to succeed.

Encouraging your child to start her homework or study for a test can be a tremendous

challenge. Nightly, all across the country, thousands of parents ask their children the same

question, “Did you start your homework yet?” That question is so often answered with “Not yet,

but I’ll do it when I get to the next level of this video game,” or even, “I’ll start it after check my

Instagram account. Don’t worry, Mom!”

As parents of children with ADHD, we too often find ourselves cast in the role of

“procrastination prosecutor”, so the question bears asking, “Could it be that procrastination

isn’t such a bad thing after all since many students don’t seem to see a problem with it?” My

experience has been that there are two types of procrastination when it comes to schoolwork

– functional and dysfunctional. Functional procrastinators always manage to get their work

done and don’t seem to stress over their tendency to put things off. Let’s say your son has a

math assignment due on Friday. He doesn’t start it until 9 pm on Thursday night, but he

completes it even though he has to stay up late. This type of procrastination is functional.

But what if your daughter was given two weeks to write a research paper that was due on

February 25th and she did not start it until late on the 23rd? She still needs to write her thesis,

gather research, create an outline, etc. Although she somehow manages to get it done, the

quality is suspect at best, she’s stressed out of her mind, and you are furious with yet another

last minute project. That’s dysfunctional procrastination. In essence, your daughter knows what

she needs to do, but cannot make herself do it.

Interestingly, the ability to regulate your emotions in order to jump over that hurdle to get

started is rooted in executive function. That’s why so many students with ADHD procrastinate

so much. And unfortunately, procrastination, especially the dysfunctional type, produces two

results: lower grade point average and stress.

The question is, why do individuals procrastinate in the first place? New research using brain

imaging conducted in the last two years reveals that procrastinators, teens and adults alike, are

under the faulty impression that they must be in a good mood to tackle the uninteresting task,

such as homework. So, when weighing what to do next – homework or video games – video

games win out. The more pleasurable activity will always trump the other task because

individuals believe it will repair their mood. The problem is that this approach almost never

works and in the end, procrastinators are disappointed in themselves when they realize how

much time they’ve wasted. They actually feel worse later on when the miss a deadline or have

to deal with negative feedback, such as an angry parent.


Dr. Timothy Pychyl, an associate professor of psychology at Carleton University in Ottawa,

Canada is a leading researcher on the topic. He states that emotion is at the core of

procrastination. He and his colleagues suggest that helping procrastinators realize how their

attempts to fix their mood are actually sabotaging their efforts is the first step.

Simply knowing that you are at a fork in the road and that you have two choices – to do the task

at hand or to avoid it by doing something much more pleasurable – is a good first step. The

reason people usually do the “something else” is because they are trying to engage in what

scientists call “mood repair”. They often pick the more appealing task because it obviously

makes them feel better, but in the end, they feel worse because they’ve accomplished nothing.

So, realizing when you are about to procrastinate is very important, because when you know

you’re at that fork in the road, you can take action. So the next question becomes “How do you

get yourself to actually take such action?”

Here are a few strategies to check out:

One approach researched by Fuschia Sirois from Bishop’s University in Sherbrooke, Quebec is

called “time travel”. Sirois studied 4,000 people and found that those who could project

themselves into the future and think about how it would great it would feel to finish a task

were more likely to ward off procrastination.

And it wasn’t only good thoughts they were trained to imagine. They also thought about how

awful they would feel if they gave into the “I’ll do it later” syndrome. Visualization is a common

strategy used for athletes and it can be just the ticket for procrastinators, too.

Experts in the area of procrastination say that an individual must make the “barrier to entry”

almost nonexistent. In other words, you must make the threshold for getting started incredibly

low so that you are almost positive you can be successful. For example, let’s say that you want

to clean out your closet, but you’ve put off the task for months because it’s so unappealing. This

time, instead of moving it to another day on your to-do list, you tell yourself, “Okay, I’m going to

just walk into my closet and line my sandals up. That’s it. Sandals only!” Research shows that

even the worst procrastinators can improve significantly by creating simple action items to get

started. And, they feel a lot better when they’ve done something, even if they haven’t

completed their ultimate goal, such as cleaning out the entire closet.

The same principal works for students. I’ve found that many middle and

high schoolers do not know how to set simple goals to help them get

started, so they give into “mood fixers” such as Instagram, Twitter, or

texting. Students can make behavior changes by focusing on one of two

areas: time (setting a specific time limit) or task (finishing a simple duty). I

wrote about these two strategies in my last article for Attitude. Here’s how

they work:

Time: Set the timer for five minutes and say to yourself, “I’m just going to

do this math for only five minutes.” Often, students find that they can keep

on going after getting started.


Task: Give yourself something easy to do just to get started. You may say to yourself, “Okay,

I’m just going to do the first problem on my math homework for now. Just one problem!”

Again, merely starting reduces anxiety and gives students a small sense of accomplishment and

confidence to keep on going.

Here are some examples of how students can lower the bar to reduce procrastination:

Feeling

Problem Strategy Solution

It’s Wednesday and you are tired. You have a Spanish test on Friday. You want to put off studying today and push it all to tomorrow, Thursday, which is what you typically do.

In the past, this hasn’t really worked because you feel overwhelmed and stressed out. You end up staying up late and are exhausted the next day.

You give yourself a very easy task that you know you can easily accomplish.

You decide to study just five vocabulary words since learning vocab is the easiest thing for you.

You have an essay due for your English class and you’re feeling overwhelmed. You have good ideas, but getting them onto paper is hard.

You think you need extra adrenaline to get it done. You decide to watch TV and to start writing right before bed when you’re pressured to finish.

Instead of viewing the essay as “all or nothing”, you figure out what you can easily do to get started.

You set a simple task for yourself – to write the first sentence before you eat dinner.

Chemistry is a tough subject and you need extra help from your teacher. Meeting with her after school would be beneficial.

You are starving and want to go to Chipotle, but you also don’t know how to solve those darned chemical equations.

In lieu of getting help with the whole assignment, you ask your teacher for help with the first question only.

You meet with your teacher for just a few minutes, ensure that you understand how to do the work, and then bolt to Chipotle.

In the end, recognizing when you are in “mood repair” mode and then creating easy tasks for

yourself to get started, really works!

The act of forgiveness is another strategy that really works. It’s typical for people to become

demoralized when procrastination is the norm. When this behavior occurs frequently, students

(and adults) usually get angry with themselves for lack of initiative. But studies show this

negative dialogue makes the problem worse. In a 2010 study by Dr. Michael Wohl at Carlton

University, college freshman who had the habit of engaging in self-doubt were randomly put

into two groups prior to an exam. After the test, one group was instructed in the art of

forgiveness. Instead of beating themselves up for putting off studying, they forgave themselves.

The students who forgave themselves procrastinated far less than the other group when it

came to studying for the next exam.


I once worked with a college sophomore, Sarah, who had failed out of James Madison University

due to her poor time management skills. She was a solid student in high school, given that it

was a very structured environment, but once she had so much free time in college, havoc

ensued. She was a dysfunctional procrastinator and these habits ate away at her self-esteem.

When I started working with her, she had transferred to Old Dominion University. Although

things were better at her new school, they still weren’t great. Sarah was actually trying very

hard. She would often plop herself down in the library for two, and sometimes three, hours

straight, but she got nothing done when the time was up. In a nutshell, she was overwhelmed

and underprepared. She had no strategies to get started even though she was in the right

environment (the library).

Sarah soon came to realize that she needed accountability in the form of a timer and breaks.

She set the timer for never more than 30 minutes, and worked diligently during that time

period. She allowed herself short breaks of 5-10 minutes to check her text messages and get a

drink. Sarah learned that her phone was a tempting distraction. She always turned it

completely off and got back to work. Sarah also became accountable to others in her class. She

set up study sessions via FaceTime (never for more than 30 minutes) to review the day’s lecture

or study for a test. She found that when she had an “appointment” with a peer, she was likely

to follow through.

What worked for Sarah may not be the ticket for everyone, but I bet every student can find one

tip in this article that will work for him or her. Try just one strategy first and stick with it for 21

days to see real change.


How to Focus and Finish Homework:

Strategies for Daydreamers

Once you’ve tackled the procrastination issue, you’ve got to help your child to stay focused. The

problem is, children with ADHD are easily distracted and struggle with the concentration

necessary to finish their homework. As a parent, you know how easily this can lead to

frustration for everyone involved, as homework that should take 45 minutes ends up consuming

two hours, regardless of your cajoling and handholding. The good news is, there is an effective

solution.

Recognize the Consistently Inconsistent Pattern

One frustrating aspect of parenting easily distractible children (whether they’re hyperactive,

inattentive, or a bit of both) is that they are consistently inconsistent. Some days they toil like a

well-oiled machine. Other days they are like an old out-of-sync grandfather clock. Children with

ADHD truly want to sustain focus, but no matter how hard they try, they can’t always maintain

it. Punishing inattentive behavior doesn’t work. Through the use of positive reinforcement and a

few creative ideas, you can help your distracted child improve focus and get his work done.

Make a Mountain a Molehill

Depending on the age of your child, he may only be able to focus well for 20 minutes at a time.

Often, the time you spend refocusing his efforts after 20 minutes may be better spent giving him

a break so he can recharge and begin again. This can be done in two ways – by task or time.

By task - Fold a worksheet in half. Instruct your child to do the top half, show it to you, and then

finish the second half. Allow him to choose the problems or questions he wants to do first.

When he’s done with half of them, go on to the rest.

By length of time - Set the timer for 5, 10, or 15 minutes. Tell your child, “Work as hard as you

can for this time. When the timer goes off, you can daydream or play for 5 minutes.” Another

option is to set the timer for a length of time for which you absolutely know he’ll be successful.

When he succeeds, lengthen the span by a minute. At first, you will have to set the timer, but

eventually just place it near him as a visual reminder so that he can use it on his own.

Visual Reminders Trump Verbal Reminders

Visual reminders are always far more effective than verbal ones. For example, if your child

needs to schedule time to study for a spelling test and complete his book report, instead of

nagging him with constant verbal reminders, simply jot down the words “spelling test” and

“book report” on a post-it note. Place it in his study area as a visual reminder. Students almost

always respond more positively to a brief note than words that “go in one ear and out the

other”. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t give auditory direction, but keep them to a

minimum.


Insist On Exercise – The Miracle Drug

Aerobic exercise almost immediately elevates the chemicals in the brain that increase attention

and focus. These chemicals act a bit like Ritalin or other medications used to treat ADHD. With

frequent aerobic exercise, a distractible student can improve his ability to learn, so be sure to

encourage your child to get out and exercise regularly.

I work with many students who will do homework in the car right after a sports practice. Some

of my high schoolers will use the bus ride home from a game to complete work. Even though

they only have about 30-45 minutes, they are able to get a lot done because they are alert and

focused from exercise.

Keep a Homework Log

And finally, remember that teachers may be unaware that homework is so problematic because

they only see the final, corrected product, not the inordinate amount of effort behind it. For at

least one week, jot down the date and length of homework. You may also want to document

any reasons you see for your child’s homework struggles. Meet with the teacher and share the

information you’ve recorded. Ask for suggestions to help your child accomplish homework tasks.

With a few of these strategies, your child will be on the road to focusing and finishing in no time

at all!


6 Top Apps for Students with ADHD to

Study and Manage Time

Another fantastic way to keep children with ADHD focused on their homework is to employ the

use of the one thing they can’t bear to part with for more than five minutes: their electronic

device! The downside to smart phones, tablets, laptops, and other electronic devices, of course,

is that the majority of students have difficulty balancing the time they spend on them. However,

when used correctly, this technology can greatly benefit students, helping them to be more

productive learners. The trick is knowing which programs are best suited for the unique needs

of your child. Because managing time can be such a pitfall for those with ADHD, I’ve organized

my top picks around productivity and studying efficiency. Check out these top-performing

programs:

MyHomework:

Is it a struggle to get your child to write down

his assignments into the traditional agenda

book? Has he ever lost or forgotten his

planner or gotten tired of carrying it around?

MyHomework replaces the old fashioned

planner with an app that can be used with

any IOS (Apple) or Android device. It is one of

the easiest and most simple apps students

can use to help keep track of their class

schedule and tasks. The app allows students

to track important assignments, upcoming

exams and projects, and even upload important documents. It’s a great alternative for the

person who may be struggling to write everything down in a good old-fashioned planner.

iStudiezPro:

This app is similar to MyHomework, but only

runs on IOS devices. My favorite part of the

application is that you are able to put in all of

your assignments and their weight to

calculate your grade at any point.

Additionally, the app also syncs with different

calendar applications (Google, Outlook, etc.)

giving the user to look at day or week at a

glance. iStudiezPro allows students to access

the information from their phone or computer.

https://myhomeworkapp.com/


Rescue Time:

This free computer-based software, tracks how you spend your time

on the computer and sends you weekly summaries along with a

productivity score. So often, students with ADHD don’t realize how

much time they’re spending on sites such as YouTube. They’re often

stunned to discover that non-homework browsing eats much of their

time up. But the software has an even more helpful feature. It will

allow you to block certain applications or sites that the user deems

“distractible,” (e.g. Facebook and Twitter).

30/30:

30/30 is a great way for students to time themselves while

completing homework or studying. Quite frequently, those with

ADHD see tasks as overwhelming, but by working for a short amount

of time, those insurmountable assignments can be easily broken

down. 30/30 allows students to schedule tasks and then has a timer

which counts down the remaining time. Like the Time Timer (my

favorite timer gadget), 30/30 has a visual depiction of the time

remaining. This allows students to get started and focus on the assignments at hand in chunks of

time.

StudyBlue:

StudyBlue is a web-based program and an application that can be

downloaded to any device regardless of your platform. It allows the user to

take notes and then to turn those notes into digital flashcards. Students

can study their own flashcards in a or take a software-generated test. The

software will keep track of how many you’re getting right and wrong.

When you go back to study from the deck again, you have the option of

studying the entire deck or just studying the items you answered

incorrectly. That way you’re just focusing on the ones you don’t know

rather than the ones you do. In addition, the user can upload his or her own voice recordings

(audio notes) or attach a graphic, making this app multi-sensory. Moreover, 4.5 million students

are using StudyBlue, making it one of the most popular and powerful apps out there.


SelfControl:

SelfControl is an IOS app that lets you block your own access to distracting websites, email, and

anything else on the Internet. All you need to do is set a period of time to block for, add the

sites to your blacklist, and click “start”. This app doesn’t mess around. By adding sites students

know will distract them from their school work, they can get those mundane assignments done

by working diligently until

the time expires. Even if

they restart their computer

or delete the application,

they are still unable to

access the blacklisted sites.

According to my 16-year

old (he’s the one who told

me about this app) and his

friends, SelfControl is their

go-to app when they need

to focus. I wanted proof

that it really worked, so my

son logged onto Facebook,

and here’s what popped up

on his screen:

SelfControl helps kids to be

far more efficient and productive. The good news is that works like a gem and it’s free. The bad

is that it’s only available on Mac…for now.

In the end, there are thousands of applications and software programs out there that might

make a world of difference to your child. These are just a few I suggest. Encourage your child to

choose one and give it a whirl to see if productivity and grades improve.


Motivating Your Child to Succeed:

Helpful Dos and Don’ts

Tools and resources, aside, you’ll likely need to provide your child with incentives to keep him

on the path to success. Oftentimes, parents link their child’s poor academic performance or

effort with laziness or apathy, but in reality, the reason is much more related to their perception

of schoolwork and what incentives are being offered for working towards academic success. If

you’re looking for ways to improve your child’s motivation, check out these helpful dos and

don’ts.

DO Link Good Grades to Effort

What do you do when your son brings home an “A” in a subject he’s been struggling with? Jump

up and down and rejoice, right? You’re not alone. It’s a natural reaction to seeing your child

succeed. The problem is, you may be instilling what is known as a “mixed mindset”, which

maintains that intelligence is predetermined and unchanging. Instead of celebrating the good

grade, your child will be more motivated to continue working hard if you celebrate the effort he

made studying for the test or proofreading his essay. You could try saying something like, “Wow

an A! You must be so proud. I know how long you spent studying for this. I’m really proud of

how hard you worked!” Rather than focusing on the grade, focusing on the effort and

associating hard work with academic success will help motivate your child to continue working

hard in the future.

DON’T Let Grades be the Number One Topic of Conversation

If you ask teenagers what they and their parents talk most about, you’ll likely hear grades, tests,

homework, and their college future. As a parent it’s easy to fall into the trap of meeting your

child at the door the minute he walks in and asking how he did on his science test. You mean

well, of course, but the reality is, placing this kind of emphasis on grades can have a negative

impact on a child’s motivation. Instead of placing so much emphasis on your child’s grades, first

ask him how he’s doing, how his day went, how his friends are. Otherwise, you’ll give the

impression that grades come before the child’s general well-being, and this will cause him stress

rather than motivation.

DO Give Small but Timely Rewards

While you don’t want to overemphasize grades, the reality is, grades do matter, so as a parent,

you’ve got to figure out what will give your child incentive to do his best. The problem is, all too

often, parents use what seem to be irresistible motivators, like trips to Disney World, cars, or

money in exchange for straight A’s. Unfortunately, that kind of incentive typically doesn’t work

for more than a week because the benefit the child will receive is too far into the future.

Research has demonstrated that people, especially kids, have a hard time staying focused and

motivated to achieve a goal when this is the case. (Just think about that New Year’s resolution

you dropped promptly on January 14th!) Instead, most people respond best when the rewards

are within their grasp. When it comes to children with ADHD, these rewards should be given

either on a daily basis for younger children or a weekly basis for adolescents. An example of a


small but timely reward may be offering a child an additional hour past his normal curfew for

consistent study during the week or getting to pick where the family goes to dinner on Friday for

turning in every homework assignment. The more accessible the reward, the more motivated

the child will be to work hard and succeed.

DON’T Pay for Grades

Speaking of rewards, one of the most common practices parents use to attempt to motivate

their children to improve their academic performance is paying them for good grades.

Unfortunately, this isn’t a strategy that you can take to the bank. In fact, research tells us that

handing over cash in exchange for A’s doesn’t actually work. In fact, there have been a number

of studies conducted in major metro areas that have shown that paying for long-term grades

could have an adverse effect on motivation, so if you’re tempted to dig into your wallet and

wave a $10 bill in your child’s face as he’s studying for his math test, you may want to think

twice.

DO Develop More Effective Strategies for Succeeding

Consider this scenario:

Mom: “Don’t you have a social studies test tomorrow?”

Child: “Yes, but I already studied in class. I know all the stuff that’s going to be on the test

anyway.”

Mom: “That’s what you said last time, and remember what happened? I’d BETTER see you

studying for that test!”

Sound familiar? Truth be told, more times than not, the reason your child gives you what seems

to be an excuse for not studying is the result of not knowing how to study. One of the best ways

to get your child motivated to take a more proactive approach to studying is by getting him to

look at it from a different perspective. For instance, try asking your child how he is going to

study and have him show you and explain the process. This gets him to think about the ways his

teacher has taught him to review the material and provides him with a strategy for tackling

studying rather than avoiding it.

DO Get Outside Help

Because academics, grades, and homework are among the top causes of parent-child conflict,

getting outside help from a professional tutor is often beneficial. These experienced educators

are able to help students tackle tough content, create reward systems that work, and provide

feedback and advice to mom and dad. Oftentimes, their involvement is what’s necessary to

motivate a child to focus more and try harder. While your child’s grades do matter, and can

determine his entry into college, a chance at an internship, or access to a scholarship, harping

on grades not only winds up demotivating your child academically, but also creates friction in

your relationship. Instead, consider adopting a strategy that focuses on effort over product,

small but frequent rewards, a proactive approach, and avoiding making grades the number one

topic of conversation or paying for grades. Not only will this improve your child’s motivation, but

also your relationship with her.


Communicating With Your Easily

Frustrated Child: Sometimes LESS is MORE

Establishing proper communication between you and your child is vitally important to your child’s success in school. In fact, as a parent, good communication is one of the most important components you can have in your toolkit. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that a positive dialogue between parent and child makes all the difference. Not only can it reduce frustration for your child, but also improve homework completion and benefit your child’s overall academic performance. Believe it or not, putting an effective communication strategy in place is a lot less difficult than you may think and can create more success than you ever could have dreamed.

Step 1: Allow Your Child to Be Heard

Seeing our children struggle academically makes us as parents feel uncomfortable, so it’s our first reaction to stop the pain. Does this sound familiar?

Child: I’m just no good at math!

Parent: Oh yes you are sweetie. Come on, you can do this!

Child: No, I can’t and I suck at math! Why do I have to know this dumb stuff anyway?

Parent: Listen up Suzie. Math is a really important subject to your future. If you can’t learn to reduce fractions, you’ll be lost when you do more complicated things later on.

Child: Whatever. (Puts head down on desk.)

Step 2: Understand that LESS Is MORE

What happened here? How did such a well-intentioned discussion go so wrong? The reason is that when kids don’t feel heard, they become argumentative or they withdrawal completely. Such was the case with Suzanne when she was told how to feel. When parents practice empathy, students are far more likely to stay focused and less likely to meltdown. Instead of negating a child’s feelings, its far better to actively listen to what they say, empathize with their feelings (you don’t have to agree!), and state the emotion. I call this the LESS is MORE strategy.

Here’s how the LESS is MORE strategy works:

L – Listen (make eye contact, nod head)

E – Empathize (Oh, I see how you feel)

S – State the Feeling (I can tell you’re angry with your teacher)

S – Sometimes Narrow

Let’s rewind and play back that scenario using the LESS is MORE strategy.

Child: I’m just no good at math!

Parent: Oh, I see (nodding). I can tell you’re frustrated and I can see why. This is tough material.


Child: I am! This is hard!

Parent: Which problem is giving you a hard time?

Child: It’s number nine.

Parent: Okay, let’s see if we can tackle number nine together.

In this case, the parent made what seemed like a huge problem (hating math) into something much more approachable – number nine. Narrowing the problem to a large issue into a smaller one redirects kids and helps them to stay focused.

In this example, the student remained on task (instead of putting his head down on the table) mainly because she felt heard.

Let’s take a look at another example:

Child: I don’t know why I HAD to get Mrs. Smith. She’s the meanest teacher in the whole school. She’s just way too strict. No one likes her anyway!

Parent: There’s no way EVERYONE can dislike Mrs. Smith. Come on! She’s a great teacher.

Child: Mom, you have no idea what it’s like to be in her classroom all day!

Parent: I certainly do! Your sister had Mrs. Smith and she was perfectly fine. If you would just pay attention a little better, things wouldn’t be so bad.

Child: Ugh! (stomps out of the room)

Let’s try this situation again using the LESS is MORE strategy.

Child: I don’t know why I HAD to get Mrs. Smith. She’s the meanest teacher in the whole school. She’s just way too strict. No one likes her anyway!

Parent: You sound really angry. Did something happen in class today?

Child: Yeah, she yelled at me for passing a note, but I was just handing Manny a piece of notebook paper because he forgot his.

Parent: Sounds like Mrs. Smith happened to look up and jump to a conclusion.

Child: Yeah, I guess it was bad timing.

The second time around, Mom named the feeling (anger) and then narrowed the problem down by asking if something specific happened in class. She was able to diffused the tension and reduce frustration by being calm and empathetic.

The Connection Between Feelings and Behavior

In the end, it’s important to remember that there’s a direct connection between how kids feel and how they behave. When kids feel understood, they are less likely to engage in an argument. In addition, the less a parent says the better, especially when frustration is high. Give this strategy and whirl and stick with it in order to reduce frustration over homework in your household.


In Conclusion The strategies highlighted in this book were designed to help foster a successful school

experience for your child and a more stress-free environment for the whole family.

Whether your child needs help overcoming procrastination, staying focused, or getting

motivated, the tips provided above offer help to struggling students and their families.

If you feel your child requires additional help to achieve academic success, please contact us so

that we can match one of our highly-trained tutors with your child’s individual learning

challenges. Each one of our tutors not only has extensive experience working with children with

ADHD, but are hand-selected. What’s more, our program is designed to focus on the specific

academic needs of each child.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this collection of articles. If employed, we believe it will help place your

child on a path to academic success.

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