SCENARIO

A s a new project engineer for the state highway department, you were asked—well, told, really—to be part of a team that was writing a new policy and procedure memorandum (PPM). The purpose of the PPM was to increase citizen participation in highway planning. The team spent an afternoon discussing the PPM and its purpose. The team leader, Chief Engineer Rosenberg, asked you to have a written purpose statement ready for the next meeting. “It will give us a good start for our next discussion,” he said.

That night, you gave up watching your favorite TV shows to write the statement and have ready it for the next day. You wanted to be sure the statement covered everything and would be taken seriously by its readers. Of course, you also wanted it to impress Chief Engineer Rosenberg. By midnight you were satisfied with your statement:

The purpose of this PPM (Policy and Procedure Memorandum) is to ensure, to the maximum extent practicable, that highway locations and designs reflect and are consistent with federal, state, and local goals and objectives. The rules, policies, and procedures established by this PPM are intended to afford full opportunity for effective public participation in the consideration of highway location and design proposals before submission to the federal Department of Transportation for approval. They provide a medium for free and open discussion and are designed to encourage early and amicable resolution of controversial issues that may arise.

At the next day’s meeting the chief was impressed all right, but in the wrong way. He read your statement aloud, and said, “A bit on the pompous side, don’t you think?” He then proceeded to rewrite the statement. You had to admit that his version was easier to read and understand.

This segment discusses the principles the chief used to achieve clarity and avoid pomposity.

Achieving a Readable Style

The Paragraph

Basic Principles of Effective Style

Determine Your Reader(s)’ Knowledge of the SubjectDetermine if a Particular Style Will Be Expected Anticipate Your Reader’s Comprehension Level in a Given Context Know Your Relationship to Your Reader and How You Want to Sound Adjust the Style to the Reader, the Purpose, and the Context

Select your level of language; adjust the density of information.

The Sentence

Watch sentence length.Keep subjects and verbs close together. Omit verbiage; use concrete verbs.Write squeaky clean prose. Avoid ponderous language. Avoid excessive use of is/are verb formsUse active voice for clarity. Define when necessary. Avoid impersonal language.

In developing any document, the writing process will help you create an effective message: analyze and determine your reader(s) the best you can, know your purpose, and anticipate the context in which your document will be read and used. These decisions help you decide what content to include, how to organize that information, and also what style you will use to state your ideas. The style you choose helps your reader grasp the content correctly and quickly.

“Style” refers to the words and phrases you choose, the sentence structure you use, and the overall way you express your ideas in a document. Style operates principally on the word/phrase/sentence level and the paragraph level. An easily read paragraph is composed of easily read sentences that form a coherent idea. A readable text can be comprehended by its readers without difficulty. Because of the explosion of information, most readers have more material they need to read than they can possibly attempt to skim, much less read in depth. If you want your report read, you need to follow basic guidelines for developing a style easy for your reader to follow and understand. If a reader has to reread a text several times to grasp the meaning, the writer’s style is usually the culprit. In short, chose a style that will enable your reader to grasp the message the first time he/she approaches your document.

A good writer adjusts the style of any document to the audience and the purpose of the document. Let’s begin by examining style from the paragraph level and then focus on sentences that work together to form the paragraph.

An Important Note: Because of the quantity of information—reports, emails, memos, etc.—that confront readers daily, the need for easily read documents has never been greater. You enhance the probability that your audience(s) will read what you write and respond if the style is clear, from their perspective, and the information easy to follow.

The Paragraph

The paragraph is a group of sentences that work together to produce a coherent idea. Paragraphs should be a moderate length—long paragraphs discourage readers—and

begin with a topic sentence (a central statement) of the content of the paragraph. The supporting sentences build on the idea stated in the topic sentences. The supporting sentences should occur in a logical order. Let’s examine an example paragraph from James Watson’s book, DNA: The Story of Life:

DNA analysis has already changed the face of microbiology [topic sentence]. Before DNA techniques were broadly applied, methods of identifying bacterial species were extremely limited in their powers of resolution: you could note the form of colonies growing in a Petri dish, view the shape of individual cells through the microscope, or use such relatively crude biochemical assays as the Gram test, by which species can be sorted as either “negative” or “positive” depending on features of their cell wall. With DNA sequencing, microbiologists suddenly had an identification factor that was discernibly, definitely different in every species. Even species, like those inhabiting the ocean depths, that cannot be cultured in a laboratory because of the difficulty of mimicking their natural growing conditions are amenable to DNA analysis, providing a sample can be collected from the deep. [211, Watson] In this paragraph, you would have difficulty reordering the sentences and still keep the meaning of the paragraph. The sentences proceed in an order that builds the topic of the sentence--the importance of DNA in microbiology.

If the points you make need to be obviously linked to show their connection to the topic sentence, you can enumerate points that you introduce. Examine this sentence from Arthur Levitt’s book, Take on the Street:

Sadly, the brokerage industry still has numerous flaws [topic sentence]. That’s not to say that all brokers are commission-hungry wolves on the prowl for naïve investors. Some are; others are just inept. Most are honest professionals. They are good people stuck in a bad system, whose problems remain fourfold. First, some brokers are not trained well enough for the enormous tasks they are expected to carry out. Second, the system in which brokers operate is still geared toward volume selling, not giving objective advice. Third, to increase sales, firms use contests to get brokers to sell securities that investors may not need. Most brokers rarely, if ever, disclose to their clients how they are paid or how their bonuses are structured, even though such disclosures would go a long way to resolving the conflict-of-interest problem. Fourth, branch-office managers and other supervisors, who are paid commissions just like their brokers, have an incentive to push everyone to sell more and to turn a blind eye to questionable practices. [ 19 ]

Note that the paragraph is 10 sentences. The sentences link logically—they move in a tight order that builds the meaning of the paragraph—and they use transition devices to demarcate the “fourfold” points announced in sentence four.

This next example paragraph operates about a list, which draws the reader’s eyes to the central idea presented in the paragraph, the three phases of an explosion:

The exploding wire is a simple-to-perform yet very complex scientific phenomenon. [topic sentence] The course of any explosion depends not only on the materials and their shape but also on the electrical parameters of the circuit. An explosion consists primarily of three phases:

1. The current builds up and the wire explodes. 2. Current then flows during the dwell period. 3. “Postwell conduction” begins with the reignition caused by impact

ionization.

These phases may be run together by varying the circuit parameters.

Use of the list emphasizes the topic sentence: how explosions develop. In this case, listing provides a better method of topic sentence development for this particular idea than the same material presented in a linear paragraph:

The exploding wire is a simple-to-perform yet very complex scientific phenomenon. The course of any explosion depends not only on the material and shape of the wire but also on the electrical parameters of the circuit. In an explosion, the current builds up and the wife explodes, current flows during the dwell period, and “postdwell conduction” begins with the reignition caused by impact ionization. These phases may be run together by varying the circuit parameters.

You want to avoid excessive use of any writing technique—too many short paragraphs, too much use of enumeration (first, second, third, etc.) as well as too many lists. However, concise paragraphs that begin with topic sentences, well-structured sentences of moderate length, and careful use of highlighting create a page that is inviting. For example, see Figure 1 and Figure 2. Why is Figure 2 easier and quicker to read?

Figure 1

With the substantial growth in computing in the College of Engineering during the past decade, the issue of linking all departments through a computer network has become critical. The network must satisfy a number of criteria to meet the needs of all of the engineering departments. We first state these criteria and then discuss them individually in detail.

To adequately serve both faculty and student needs in the present environment, the network must be able to handle the number of computers currently in use. In addition, the system must be able to expand and link in additional computers as the number of computers increases over the next few years. The different types of computers that the departments presently possess must all be linkable to thenetwork, and the types of computers that are scheduled for purchase must alsobe able to be connected to the network. The network should permit the transfer of filesin both text and binary form in order to facilitate student access to files and collaborative exchange among faculty and research associates. The network must also have adequate bandwidth in order to handle the expected traffic. Finally, the network must permit both students and faculty to link to the existing national networks.

Each department currently has both computer laboratories for students and computers that are associated with faculty research projects. The various departments possess different numbers of computers. The Aeronautical Engineering Department at present has 7 computers, while Civil Engineering has 62. The Electrical Engineering Department has the most in the College with 66. Mechanical has 51, and Nuclear Engineering, the smallest department in the College, presently has 17. This means that the entire College presently has 225 computers which will needto be networked.

Basic Principles of Effective Style

Effective writers adjust their style to the needs of their readers: (1) their knowledge of the subject; (2) reader(s)’ expectations about style based on the specific kind of writing; (3) reader(s)’ probable reading level based on the context in which the document will be read; and (4) the writer’s relationship to readers—the professional roles of both writer and reader.

Determine Your Reader(s)’ Knowledge of the Subject

The reader’s familiarity with the subject will determine how many specialized terms you can use. If the reader is thoroughly familiar with the subject, you can use acronyms,

Figure 4-2

With the substantial growth in computing in the College of Engineering during the past decade, linking departments through a scalable computer network has become critical. The network must satisfy a number of criteria to meet the needs of all of the engineering departments. We first list these criteria and then discuss them individually in detail.

What must the network do?

To serve both faculty and students, the network must be able to

• handle the number of computers currently in use• link different types of computers• expand as the number of computers increases• link to the national networks• transfer and store both text and binary files

The network must also have adequate bandwidth in order to handle expected traffic.

Handling the number of computers currently in use

Each department has both computer laboratories for students and computers used for faculty research projects. The following table shows the number of computers in each department at the end of the last fiscal year.

Aeronautical Engineering 47Civil Engineering 72Electrical Engineering 66Mechanical Engineering 51Nuclear Engineering 17

Total 225

specialized nomenclature, and jargon that readers in a specific discipline are comfortable reading and using. If the reader is not thoroughly familiar with the subject, limit the use of specialized vocabulary or perhaps define the terms. Another possibility: substitute phrases or words that will clearly express your meaning.

The following examples show how audience determines how the same information can be adjusted to the need of individuals with different levels of knowledge about the subject. As you will see, you cannot separate analysis of your audience from the sentence structure and content used in a document:

An agricultural extension agent understands the technical description of a ruminant stomach:

The true (glandular) stomach in the ruminant is preceded by three divisions, or divirticula (lined with stratified squamous epithelium), where food s soaked and subjected to digestion by microorganisms before passing to the digestive tract.

The rumen, reticulum, and omasum of ruminants are collectively known as the fore-stomach. The cardia is located craniodorsally in the dome-shaped atrium ventriculi, which is common to both the rumen and the reticulum. The sulcus ruminoreticularis (esophageal groove), which extended from the cardia to the omasum, is formed by two heavy muscular folds or lips, which can close to direct material from the esophagus into the omasum directly, or open and permit the material to enter the rumen and reticulum.

But in explaining to 4-H students how the ruminant stomach works, he uses a different approach. Note that he uses examples and analogies that will have meaning for primary school age students. He includes the technical terms for each part of the ruminant stomach, but he immediately links each term to descriptive terms that would be familiar to his student readers.

The ruminant animals--such as sheep, goats, cattle, deer, antelope, elk, and camels--have a unique stomach system. The word ruminant comes from the Latin word ruminate, which means to chew over again and implies that ruminants are “cud-chewing” animals. Because of this need to chew their food over and over, their system differs from that of the human or monograstic. Where the human stomach is one large tank, the ruminant’s consists of four fermentation and storage tanks connected in series by an intricate network of flexible plumbing. The first three tanks make up the fore-stomach. The fourth tank is comparable to the human stomach and can be called the true stomach.

The rumen is the first tank, or stomach, and is quite large. It is responsible for about 75% of the digestive process. When it is full, the rumen holds up to 55

gallons of food, bacteria, and fluids. The main job of the rumen is to store food and keep it until the animal must chew it again. The rumen can be compared to the common blender. When food enters, the rumen begins mixing it with bacteria, which causes the food to start breaking down--or digesting.

The reticulum is the second stomach and is relatively small compared to the rumen. The reticulum occupies 5% of the total stomach. Like the reticulum, its purpose is storage. The reticulum looks like a cheese grater. The common name for the reticulum is the honeycomb because it is lined with a mucous membrane that contains honeycomb-like compartments. When food enters this stomach, it passes through the honeycomb, which then breaks the food down and shreds it into small pieces. Once the rumen and reticulum break down the food stored in the reticulum, the food moves to the omasum.

The omasum is the third stomach and completes the fore-stomach. It is small--occupying about 8% of the total stomach--but it is important to the process of digestion. The omasum’s purpose is to make sure the food is broken down enough before it enters the true stomach. This stomach rips, shreds, and crushes the food into a liquid form so that it will not clog the pipe that connects the omasum to the abomasums.

The abomasums, which takes up about 7% of the digestive system, is the fourth stomach and is comparable to our own stomach. The abomasums digests what the rumen, reticulum, and omasum break down. At the end of the abomasums is the pipe that allows the food to enter the small intenstine. This pipe is call the pylorus and is similar to a strainer. Only properly digested food can enter the pipe.

Determine if a Particular Style Will Be Expected

In many organizations, the person for whom you will be writing—your supervisor, for example—will want you to write in a certain way. However, in many organizations, style refers not only to the choice of words—such as salutations and closing phrases that the organizations wants used in all correspondence—but also to items such as the heading used on all company reports, the kind of format used for all letters, the information included on title pages of all reports, the use of abstracts versus summaries. Large organizations often specify the stationery, the kinds of binders required for reports to clients and intra-company reports, and the individuals to be included on distribution lists of major reports. Many organizations have document templates stored on employee’s office computers. When you begin working for an organization, be sure to ask if the company has a style manual or a style template. If it does, be sure that your writing conforms to its requirements.

Many professional societies have “style sheets,” which provide standards for all reports and articles published in that discipline. For example, organizations, such as electrical

engineering companies, will often follow the style sheet of the IEEE Computer Society, which can be found at http://www.computer.org/author/style/index.htm. Similarly, petroleum engineering companies may continue to follow the style sheet of the Society for Petroleum Engineering in developing reports to clients and publications: http://www.spe.org/pdf/StyleGuide_March02.pdf Companies often have their own internal style guide that explains how all reports, proposals, policies, procedures, and internal memoranda are to be prepared.

Anticipate Your Reader’s Comprehension Level in a Given Context

Reading comprehension level also determines the style you use in addressing a particular reader. Reading comprehension level refers to the degree of difficulty in written material that a reader can accommodate without misunderstanding the content. While a reader’s knowledge of the subject will determine the degree of difficulty he or she can accommodate, two other issues determine style: the context in which a reader reads, as well as the reader’s interest in the subject.

Readers may read analytically in some situations, while in others they will read rapidly or “skim” the document while looking for key words, phrases, and ideas. In an educational context, readers (like you) read evaluatively, particularly when they are trying to understand and then remember what they read. These same readers will change reading styles. They will shift from evaluative to surface reading, for example, when they are looking for information and, for example, when they need to know what to do in an emergency situation. In both situations, the level of language—technical—will remain, but the style will differ. Note, the style in Figure 4-3, posted on an off-shore oil platform. The instructions, using terms known by the workers on the platform, seem highly technical, but they are appropriate for the audience and the context. Note the use of listing and color to enhance readability:

Emergency Containment Guidelines

DANGER DO NOT ATTEMPT TO CONTAIN THE SPILL DIRECTLY BENEATH

THE PLATFORM BECAUSE OF FIRE /EXPLOSION POTENTIAL

1. Remove in-place permanent booms.

2. Use washdown nozzles to push oil away.

3 Apply dispersants through eductor lines.

DEPLOY EMERGENCY BOOMS

Keep oil from becoming trapped beneath the platform.

1 Kepner Compactible Seacurtain

2. Whiaker Expandi-Boom

Catenary tow mode Free flow sea anchors/drogues

REQUEST CONTAINMENT ASSISTANCE

Chevron Worldwide Corporate team Clean Seas Co-Op USCG-Pacific Strike Team

MONITOR CONTAINMNET OPERATIONS

1. Adjust and tend booms

Tidal/current influences Wind advection

2. Provide logistical support

Boom transport/deployment Procedure and repair assistance

In determining your readers and assessing the context, consider what your readers may know and not know about the topic. Provide information at a level your readers will need to process your message.

Know Your Relationship to Your Reader and How You Want to Sound

In analyzing your reader, you need to determine the kind of image that you must project based on your position in the organization and your relationship with your reader. In selecting the appropriate image to project, the language you choose can sound formal, casual, neutral, effusive, rude, dictatorial, or respectful. Language can, and does, express a range of human emotions. Thus, in choosing a style, you must ensure its appropriateness to your position in the organization, to the context in which you are writing, and to your readers’ positions and responsibilities in the organization. Writing always conveys a tone or sound. As a writer, be aware of the image you want to project and the tone you want your writing to convey. Controlling how you sound ensures the effectiveness of your message. For example, the note below, written to a bank customer, exemplifies how highlighting techniques can change the tone of language, from concrete to abrupt and chastising.

Dear Mr. Green:

I am returning your mortgage papers so that you can add the mortgage amount on page 2. Since the amount line is clearly marked, you should be able to insert the amount and return it to me immediately.

I regret that this omission will cost you a penalty. You were specifically told during our meeting last week that you were to complete all blanks and that the completed documents had to be submitted by the first of the month. We have no recourse except to charge you a late fee of $50 because of your error.

Your returning the completed form will be appreciated and will save you from further late charges which begin the 15th of this month.

Is the message clear? Absolutely. But does the tone convey a positive attitude toward the reader? Absolutely not. In short, concise sentences need to convey the appropriate attitude in addition to the appropriate message.

Adjust the Style to the Reader, the Purpose, and the Context

Most of your business and technical writing should be as concise as possible because of the large quantity of information that most readers confront. Because of the increasing

number of messages sent electronically, messages should focus on concise paragraphs and concise sentences. Even in complex, highly technical reports, readers value conciseness: The longer, the report, the less likely that anyone will read all of it.

Question: To what extent does the table of contents exemplify “effective style”? We will discuss this point—the importance of report elements, such as the table of contents--in Chapter 10.

The Sentence

Select your level of language; adjust the density of information

Audiences familiar with your subject will expect and tolerate complex information. However, in routine reports and messages that you want readers to digest quickly, use writing that is less detailed and focuses on the main ideas. For reports, such as those prepared for Congress by the Congressional Research Service, the broader the audience—in this case Congress and the public--the more careful you need to be about selecting easy-to-understand language. Refer again to the descriptions of the ruminant stomach. The audience for each determines the density of the information and the level of nomenclature.

Watch sentence length

Documents composed of consistently long sentences can become difficult to read. Sentence length should vary, but consider revising sentences that are over 15-20 words. Even legal documents can benefit from shorter sentences:

Before:

This Appendix contains a brief discussion of certain economic and demographic Characteristics of the Area in which the County is located and does not constitute a part of this Official Statement. Information in this Appendix has been obtained from the sources noted, where are believed to be reliable, although no investigation has been made to verify the accuracy of such information.

After:

This Appendix contains a brief discussion of certain economic and demographic characteristics of the Area in which the County is located. The Appendix does not constitute part of this Official Statement. Information in the Appendix has been obtained from the sources noted. They are believed to be reliable. However, the accuracy of the information has not been verified.

Keep subjects and verbs close together

A recipe for sentence clarity: keep the subject of the sentence and the verb close together, and emphasize verbs. The more verbs in a sentence, the sharper and more direct the sentence. We call this verb/word ratio. For example,

s v s vJohn loves Mary because she inherited money. [verb/word ratio = 2/7]

Versus

s vMary’s inheritance of money was one of the reasons for John’s interest in Mary. [verb/word ratio = 1/12]

In this simple example, you can see the point: the more verbs, the sharper the sentence. If you examine the note to Mr. Green again, you will see that clarity is good, IF the message also carries the appropriate sound. Let’s take this method a step further: Lengthy sentences become less distracting to the reader if the writer structures them to enhance clarity and readability. To achieve clarity, build sentences with clauses, using as many verbs and verbals as possible. For example, the sentence,

When they plan investment portfolios, financial planners recommend a variety of investments because they resist rapid economic changes. (18 words)

develops about three clauses:

When they plan investment portfolios

financial planners recommend a variety of investments

because they resist economic change.

Note that the sentence follows the three guidelines:

Interlocking clauses [3 in this sentence]Specific action verbs: plan, recommend, and resist. Subject next to the verb in each clause.

they plan planners recommend they resist.

The verb/word ration in this sentence is 3/17.

Assume that the writer did not follow the guidelines and avoided verbs:

In plans for investment portfolios, a variety of investments is recommended by financial planners because of their resistance to economic changes.

The verb/word ratio is 1/21. The sentence lacks directness and conciseness. Compare this sentence with (A). Can you see the difference? Basically, the more verbs and verbals, the clearer the sentence:

Omit verbiage; use concrete verbs

Both email and reports benefit from omission of verbiage, defined as the use of excessive words when one word will do. Choose direct verbs.

Instead of : Use:

give approval to approve have a tendency to tend to have an influence on influence give notification of otify have a discussion about discuss

Eliminate excessive or redundant words and phrases to eliminate sentence clutter:

Instead of: Use:

at a later date later at the present time now by means of by due to the fact that since/because for the purpose of to, for for the reason that since/because in the event that if in the normal course of procedure normally on a daily basis daily we are not in a position to we cannot pursuant to our agreement as we agreed without further delay now

Many writers and speakers develop a habit of using two-word patterns. One word will do:

Absolutely freeBackground experienceBasic fundamentals Close proximity Complete absence Consensus of opinion

Exactly identical Final end Past experience, very unique Summarize briefly Very complete

For most writing, use conversational language. Write to express, not to impress. Use specific, concrete language:

Instead of:

There is now no effective existing mechanism for introducing into the beginning initiation and development stages requirements on how to guide employees on how to minimize errors in product development efforts. [verb/word ration = 3/31]

Use:

The company has no way to guide employees on how to minimize product development errors during the early development stages.[verb/word ratio = 3/20]

Instead of:

Our lack of pertinent data prevented determination of committee action effectiveness in funding targeting to areas that needed assistance the most.[Note that the sentence incorporates two clauses and two verbs. Verb/word ratio = 2/21]

Use:

Because we lacked pertinent data, we could not determine whether the committee had targeted funds to areas that needed assistance the most. [Note the revision of the sentence with four interlocking clauses and four verbs. Verb/word ration = 4/22]

Or:

We didn’t have enough data: We could not decide if the committee had sent funds to areas that needed them most.

When we break the sentence into two sentences, we still have four verbs. In addition, the short sentence, followed by the longer, explanatory sentence makes the meaning clear.

When clarity is your prime objective, consider using shorter, more familiar words.

Instead of: Consider using:

Accelerate speed up Accumulate gather Aggregate total Anticipate expect Cognizant know Correspondence email, letters Endeavor try Facilitate help Inaugurate begin Maintenance upkeep Subsequent later Terminated ended

But always be aware of how direct/indirect words affect tone:

(A) We encourage you to anticipate the amount of correspondence you accumulate and suggest you endeavor to answer it promptly.

(B) Please expect large amounts of email and try to answer it quickly.

Note that (B) is easier and quicker to read than (A). Now, go back to the opening scenario to this segment). Try rewriting the sentence with the principles presented in this chapter.

Write “squeaky clean” prose

The following excerpt from DNA: The Story of Life, addressed to readers interested in science and possessing a basic understanding of genetics, shows how the following guidelines work when they are embedded in paragraphs and the paragraphs linked to form longer content units. Note the structure of each sentence, the use of topic sentences, and the development of each paragraph:

The great size of DNA molecules posed a big problem in the early days of molecular biology. To come to grips with a particular gene--a particular stretch of DNA--we would have to devise some way of isolating it from all the rest of the

DNA that sprawled around it in either direction. But it was not only a matter of isolating the gene; we also needed some way of “amplifying” it: obtaining a large enough sample of it to work with. In essence we needed a molecular editing system: a pair of molecular scissors that could cut the DNA text into manageable sections; a kind of molecular glue pot that would allow us to manipulate those pieces; and finally a molecular duplicating machine to amplify the pieces that we had cut out and isolated. We wanted to do the equivalent of what a word processor can now achieve: to cut, paste, and copy DNA.

Developing the basic tools to perform these procedures seemed a tall order even after we cracked the genetic code. A number of discoveries made in the late sixties and early seventies, however, serendipitously came together in 1973to give us so-called “recombinant DNA” technology--the capacity to edit DNY. This was no ordinary advance in lab techniques. Scientists were suddenly able to tailor DNA molecules, creating ones that had never before been seen in nature. We could “play God” with the molecular underpinning of all of life. This was an unsettling idea to many people. Jeremy Rifkin, an alarmist for whom every new genetic technology has about it the whiff of Dr. Frankenstein’s monster, had it right when he remarked that recombinant DNA “rivaled the importance of the discovery of fire itself.” (87-88)

This excerpt uses a variety of sentences of moderate length; close subject-verb patterns, familiar words, description of recombinant DNA explained in terms easily understood by the non-scientific reader. The mean of “recombinant DNA” becomes concisely and picturesquely expressed. In short, Watson has focused on simplicity in explaining the story of DNA.

Avoid Ponderous language

The concept of simplicity relates to the concept of naturalness. Writers often believe that they must sound learned and sophisticated to impress readers. The idea that direct writing is not sophisticated frequently derives from writing done in secondary school. Teachers encourage high school students to expand their vocabularies. Academic writing in college further enforces the importance of using jargon-laden language to convince the professor that the student knows the subject and the nomenclature of the discipline. Instructors may reward students for writing ponderous verbiage in research papers. On the job, however, verbose writing may be ignored or misread by readers who are interested in gleaning information relevant to their job needs.

Much business/technical writing is filled with words that have no specific meaning or words so overused that they no longer have a specific meaning:

Concerns Dynamic

GridHardwareInfrastructureInterfaceIntegratedLogistical

Matrix Program StrategicSynchronized Systematized

While writers do use words in this list, because they are common to our reading and writing vocabularies, you should avoid using too many of them.

Avoid Excessive Use of Is/Are Verb Forms

Choosing specific, concrete verbs for clarity means avoiding forms of the be verb, if possible. As the following sentences illustrate, excessive use of be verbs often obscures action verbs. Many times, a be verb is the best choice (as this sentence exemplifies). However, you can lessen the tendency to use be verbs by doing the following:

Avoid beginning sentences with there is or there are, there was or there were.

Avoid beginning sentences with phrases such as it is clear that, it is evident that, and it should be noted tht.

Choose a specific verb rather than is, are, was, and were verb forms.

Be verbs often create a longer, less direct sentence:

Delegation is a means of lessening the manager’s work load.

Vs.

Managers who delegate reduce their work load.

Another example:

My decision is based on the assumption that his statement is erroneous.

Vs.

My decision assumed that his statement is erroneous.

Two more examples:

Our office has been provided with the authority to make a determination about the selection of a computing system.

Our office was authorized to select a computing system.

Our hope was to establish new guidelines.

We hoped to establish new guidelines.

The clearest sentences focus on the agent and the action (the verb):

There are two systems presently available for testing job candidates.

Vs.

Two available systems can test job candidates.

There are 10 steps that must be performed manually in the operation of the machine.

Vs.

Operating the machine requires 10 manual steps.

Use Active Voice for Clarity

The structure of a sentence—the arrangement of words—affects the clarity of the sentence. In active voice, the agent that does the action occurs next to the verb. In active voice sentences, the agent and the action both appear in the sentence, and the agent becomes the subject of the sentence.

agent verb The department teaches the course every spring term.

agent verbOur office submits all travel vouchers within 24 hours of their completion.

The result? Concise, direct sentences:

Before:

(A) Attempts were made by the division staff to assess the project.

After:

agent verb (B) The division staff attempted to assess the project.

Sentence (A) uses passive voice. Sentence (B) uses active voice: the agent (staff) occurs as the subject and is located next to the verb (attempted).

Research to determine the most readable sentence structures indicates that active voice sentences may be more readable than passive sentences. Readers often need the agent (the actor) placed near the action (the verb). Placing both the agent/actor and the verb at the beginning of the sentence alerts the reader to the basic meaning of the sentence, as the subject and verb a contain the essence of the sentence. The following examples illustrate this concept.

The door is to be locked at 6:00 P.M. This sentence, which does not specify the agent, could mean either of the following:

The guard (or some designated person) will lock the door at 6:00 P.M.

The last person leaving the building at 6:00 P.M. must lock the door.

As both revisions illustrate, to understand a sentence, readers must know the agent and the action carried out by the agent, as both revisions illustrate. When you write, be sure your sentences indicate WHO or WHAT performs the ACTION.

Passive voice sentences often intentionally do not include the actor or agent doing the action to hide responsibility. The result may produce a sentence that is more verbose and less accurate than an active voice version:

Expansion of the disclosure investigation to discover all fraud has been initiated.

Vs.

The State Comptroller’s office expanded the investigation to discover and disclose all fraud.

Define when necessary

Clarity is the heart art of effective writing, and effective definition is the heart of clarity. Much technical writing is generated to explain, and explanation is inevitably linked to definition and precise style. Note in the following example from DNA: The Story of Life. The first paragraph opens with a topic sentence supported by an extended analogy.

¶ 1. The human body is bewilderingly complex. Traditionally, biologists have focused on one small part and tried to understand it n detail. This basic approach did not change with the advent of molecular biology. Scientists for the most part still specialize on one gene or on the genes involved in one biochemical pathway. But the parts of any machine do not operate independently. If I were to study the carburetor of my car engine, even in exquisite detail, I would still have no idea bout the overall function of the engine, much less the entire car. To understand what an engine is for, and how it work, I’d need to study the whole thing--I’d need to place the carburetor in context, as one functioning part among many. The same is true of genes. To understand the genetic processes underpinning life, we need more than a detailed knowledge of particular genes or pathways; we need to place that knowledge n the context of the entire system--the genome. (165)

Now read the entire excerpt (paragraphs 2-4) and note the following: The topic sentences, combined, provide a summary of the four paragraphs. Note, too that the sentences follow a subject-verb-object pattern; concise sentence, variable length. In each paragraph, the sentences follow in an order that allows the idea articulated by the topic sentence to develop linearly:

¶ 2. The genome is the entire set of genetic instructions in the nucleus of every cell. (In fact, each cell contains two genome, one derived from each parent: the two copies of each chromosome we inherit furnish us with two copies of each gene, and therefore two copies of the genome.) Genome sizes vary from species to species. From measurement of the amount of DNA in a single cell, we have been able to estimate that the human genome--half the DNA contents of a single nucleus--contains some 3.1 billion base pairs: 3,1000,000,000 As, Ts, Gs, and Cs.

In this paragraph, how does the writer attempt to give readers a sense of the complexity of a single gene?

In paragraph 3, the topic sentence is supported by examples of human diseases and conditions that lead to death. In this paragraph, the concluding sentence, combined with the topic sentence, summarizes the main idea of the paragraph.

¶ 3. Genes figure in our every success and woe, even the ultimate one: they are implicated to some extent in all causes of mortality except accidents. In the most obvious cases, diseases like cystic fibrosis and Tay-Sachs are causes directly by mutations. But there are many other genes whose work is just as deadly, if more oblique, influencing our susceptibility to common fillers like cancer and heart disease, both of which may run in families. Even our response to infectious diseases like measles and the common cold has a genetic component since the immune system is governed by our DNA. And aging is largely a genetic phenomenon as well: the effects we associate with getting older are to some extent a reflection of the lifelong accumulation of mutations in our genes. Thus, if we are to understand fully, and ultimately come to grips with, these life-of-death genetic factors, we must have a complete inventory of all the genetic players n the human body.

Paragraph 4 develops about comparison with chimpanzees. Tthe topic sentence, combined with the concluding sentence, summarizes the essence of the paragraph.

¶ 4. Above all, the human genome contains the key to our humanity. The freshly fertilized egg of a human and that of a chimpanzee are, superficially at least, indistinguishable, but one contains the human genome and the other the chimp genome. In each, it is the DNA that oversees the extraordinary transformation from a relatively simple single cell to the stunningly complex adult of the species, comprised, in the human instance, of 100 trillion cells. But only the chimp genome can make a chimp, and only the human genome a human. The human genome is the great set of assembly instructions that governs the development of every one of us. Human nature itself is inscribed in that book. (164-165)

Writers must learn to use the terminology of their discipline, but they must know when to use terminology One of the fundamental elements of clear style is definition because you always write to explain (define information so that it can be understood by readers). Effective writers know when to define words and concepts that may be confusing to the reader, and they know how to define. Go back to the concise but clear definition of recombinant DNA on p. xxx. Note how many ways this passage defines ideas: by example, description, illustration, comparison and contrast, (analogy) and by cause/effect analysis. Let’s examine another example from DNA: The Secret of Life.

Since recombinant technologies allow us to harness cells to produce virtually any protein, the question has logically arisen: Why limit ourselves to pharmaceuticals? Consider the example of spider silk. So-called dragline silk, which forms the radiating spokes of a spider web, is an extraordinarily tough fiber. By weight, it is five times as strong as steel. Though there are ways spiders can be coaxed to spin more than their immediate needs require, unfortunately, attempts to create spider farms have founded because the creatures are too territorial to be reared en masse. Now, however, the silk-protein-producing genes have been isolated and can be inserted into other organisms, which can thus serve as spider-silk factories. This very line of research is being funded by the Pentagon, which sees Spiderman in the U.S. Army’s future: soldiers may one day be clad in protective suits of spider-silk body armor. (130)

The following definition, used in an NIH health-care brochure, shows, from another perspective, how definition devices relate to clear style. Note how definition, visual display, carefully structured sentences, and listing enhances the accessibility of the information:

Diverticulosis and Diverticulitis

Many people have small pouches in their colons that bulge outward through weak spots, like an inner tube that pokes through weak places in a tire. Each pouch is called a diverticulum. Pouches (plural) are called diverticula. The condition of having diverticula is called diverticulosis. About 10 percent of Americans over the age of 40 have diverticulosis. The condition becomes more common as people age. About half of all people over the age of 60 have diverticulosis.

When the pouches become infected or inflamed, the condition is called diverticulitis. This happens in 10 to 25 percent of people with diverticulosis. Diverticulosis and diverticulitis are also called diverticular disease.

What causes diverticular disease?

Although not proven, the dominant theory is that a low-fiber diet is the main cause of diverticular disease. The disease was first noticed in the United States in the early 1900s. At about the same time, processed foods were introduced into the American diet. Many processed foods contain refined, low-fiber flour. Unlike whole-wheat flour, refined flour has no wheat bran.

Diverticular disease is common in developed or industrialized countries--particularly the United States, England, and Australia--where low-fiber diets are common. The disease is rare in countries of Asia and Africa, where people eat high-fiber vegetable diets.

Fiber is the part of fruits, vegetables, and grains that the body cannot digest. Some fiber

dissolves easily in water (soluble fiber). It takes on a soft, jelly-like texture in the intestines. Some fiber passes almost unchanged through the intestines (insoluble fiber). Both kinds of fiber help make stools soft and easy to pass. Fiber also prevents constipation.

Constipation makes the muscles strain to move stool that is too hard. It is the main cause of increased pressure in the colon. This excess pressure might cause the weak spots in the colon to bulge out and become diverticula.

Diverticulitis occurs when diverticula become infected or inflamed. Doctors are not certain what causes the infection. It may begin when stool or bacteria are caught in the diverticula. An attack of diverticulitis can develop suddenly and without warning.

What are the symptoms?

Diverticulosis

Most people with diverticulosis do not have any discomfort or symptoms. However, symptoms may include mild cramps, bloating, and constipation. Other diseases such as irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and stomach ulcers cause similar problems, so these symptoms do not always mean a person has diverticulosis. You should visit your doctor if you have these troubling symptoms.

Diverticulitis

The most common symptom of diverticulitis is abdominal pain. The most common sign is tenderness around the left side of the lower abdomen. If infection is the cause, fever, nausea, vomiting, chills, cramping, and constipation may occur as well. The severity of symptoms depends on the extent of the infection and complications.

What is the treatment for diverticular disease?

A high-fiber diet and, occasionally, mild pain medications will help relieve symptoms in most cases. Sometimes an attack of diverticulitis is serious enough to require a hospital stay and possibly surgery.

Diverticulosis

Increasing the amount of fiber in the diet may reduce symptoms of diverticulosis and prevent complications such as diverticulitis. Fiber keeps stool soft and lowers pressure inside the colon so that bowel contents can move through easily. The American Dietetic Association recommends 20 to 35 grams of fiber each day. The table below shows the amount of fiber in some foods that you can easily add to your diet.

Amount of Fiber in Some Foods

FruitsApple, raw, with skin 1 medium = 4 gramsPeach, raw 1 medium = 2 gramsPear, raw 1 medium = 4 gramsTangerine, raw 1 medium = 2 grams

VegetablesAsparagus, fresh, cooked 4 spears = 1 gramBroccoli, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 2.5 gramsBrussels sprouts, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 2 gramsCabbage, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 1.5 gramsCarrot, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 2.5 gramsCauliflower, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 1.5 gramsRomaine lettuce 1 cup = 1 gramSpinach, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 2 gramsSummer squash, cooked 1 cup = 3 gramsTomato, raw 1 = 1 gramWinter squash, cooked 1 cup = 6 grams

Starchy VegetablesBaked beans, canned, plain 1/2 cup = 6.5 gramsKidney beans, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 8 gramsLima beans, fresh, cooked 1/2 cup = 6.5 gramsPotato, fresh, cooked 1 = 3 grams

GrainsBread, whole-wheat 1 slice = 2 gramsBrown rice, cooked 1 cup = 2.5 gramsCereal, bran flake 3/4 cup = 5 gramsOatmeal, plain, cooked 3/4 cup = 3 gramsWhite rice, cooked 1 cup = 1 gram

The doctor may also recommend taking a fiber product such as Citrucel or Metamucil once a day. These products are mixed with water and provide about 2 to 3.5 grams of

fiber per tablespoon, mixed with 8 ounces of water.

Until recently, many doctors suggested avoiding foods with small seeds such as tomatoes or strawberries because they believed that particles could lodge in the diverticula and cause inflammation. However, it is now generally accepted that only foods that may irritate or get caught in the diverticula cause problems. Foods such as nuts, popcorn hulls, and sunflower, pumpkin, caraway, and sesame seeds should be avoided. The seeds in tomatoes, zucchini, cucumbers, strawberries, and raspberries, as well as poppy seeds, are generally considered harmless. People differ in the amounts and types of foods they can eat. Decisions about diet should be made based on what works best for each person. Keeping a food diary may help identify individual items in one's diet.

If cramps, bloating, and constipation are problems, the doctor may prescribe a short course of pain medication. However, many medications affect emptying of the colon, an undesirable side effect for people with diverticulosis.

Diverticulitis

Treatment for diverticulitis focuses on clearing up the infection and inflammation, resting the colon, and preventing or minimizing complications. An attack of diverticulitis without complications may respond to antibiotics within a few days if treated early.

To help the colon rest, the doctor may recommend bed rest and a liquid diet, along with a pain reliever.

An acute attack with severe pain or severe infection may require a hospital stay. Most acute cases of diverticulitis are treated with antibiotics and a liquid diet. The antibiotics are given by injection into a vein. In some cases, however, surgery may be necessary.

Points to Remember

Diverticulosis occurs when small pouches, called diverticula, bulge outward through weak spots in the colon (large intestine).

The pouches form when pressure inside the colon builds, usually because of constipation.

Most people with diverticulosis never have any discomfort or symptoms. The most likely cause of diverticulosis is a low-fiber diet because it

increases constipation and pressure inside the colon. For most people with diverticulosis, eating a high-fiber diet is the only

treatment needed. You can increase your fiber intake by eating these foods: whole grain

breads and cereals; fruit like apples and peaches; vegetables like

broccoli, cabbage, spinach, carrots, asparagus, and squash; and starchy vegetables like kidney beans and lima beans.

Diverticulitis occurs when the pouches become infected or inflamed and cause pain and tenderness around the left side of the lower abdomen.

http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/diverticulosis/index.htm

NIH Publication No. 04-1163April 2004

  

Avoid Impersonal Language

Remember that writing exists for human beings, and few of us enjoy writing that is harder to read than it needs to be. What constitutes “difficult” writing depends on the reader, the topic, and the purpose of the document. But direct, concise writing that uses a conversational style will usually be appreciated by your readers. Using shorter, rather than longer sentences also helps readers follow your thoughts:

Please give immediate attention to insure that the pages of all documents prepared for distribution are numbered sequentially and in a place of optimum visibility. This is needed to facilitate our ability to refer to items during meetings.

Vs.

Please correctly number the pages of all documents. Place numbers in the upper right-hand corner. Sequential numbers helps us locate material during meetings.

Or,

Please number all pages sequentially.

Three additional examples:

It has recently been brought to my attention that only a small percentage of the employees in our division are contributors to the citizens’ health research fund supported by this firm. This fund is a major source of money for the

encouragement of significant discoveries and innovations made in behalf of research relevant to community health .

Vs.

I have discovered that only a small percentage of employees in our division contribute the citizens’ health research fund. Our firm supports this research because the products of this research improve community health.

As a result of their expertise, the consulting team is provided with the opportunity to make a reasonable determination of the appropriate direction to proceed regarding their selection of information systems.

Vs.

The consulting team has the expertise to select the best information systems.

It is our contention that the necessary modifications should be made to make the system operation because its complete replacement is economically prohibitive.

Vs.

We believe that the system should be modified to make it operational. Complete replacement costs too much.

To check for writing that is pompous, read your documents aloud. Read aloud the statement in the opening Scenario on p. xxx. How does this comment sound?

Now read something you have written: After you write a sentence or paragraph, try reading it aloud. Is the sentence easy to speak? How does the sentence sound to you as you speak it? Speak aloud the previous sentences and the revisions. Which ones are easier to say? Remember: sentences that are hard to speak are also hard to read.

4. Examine the following excerpt from the Human Genome Project Introduction. The complete site can be found on the RTI web site:

http://www.ornl.gov/sci/techresources/Human_Genome/publicat/primer/prim1.html .

1) How does the writer use definition to develop the introduction? 2) How many definition techniques are used? 3) What strategies does the writer use to make the content as clear as possible? 4) How does the writer develop the paragraphs?

Introducing the Human Genome

The Recipe for Life

For all the diversity of the world's five and a half billion people, full of creativity and contradictions, the machinery of every human mind and body is built and run with fewer than 100,000 kinds of protein molecules. And for each of these proteins, we can imagine a single corresponding gene (though there is sometimes some redundancy) whose job it is to ensure an adequate and timely supply. In a material sense, then, all of the subtlety of our species, all of our art and science, is ultimately accounted for by a surprisingly small set of discrete genetic instructions. More surprising still, the differences between two unrelated individuals, between the man next door and Mozart, may reflect a mere handful of differences in their genomic recipes -- perhaps one altered word in five hundred. We are far more alike than we are different. At the same time, there is room for near-infinite variety.

It is no overstatement to say that to decode our 30,000 genes in some fundamental way would be an epochal step toward unraveling the manifold mysteries of life.

Some definitions

The human genome is the full complement of genetic material in a human cell. (Despite five and a half billion variations on a theme, the differences from one genome to the next are minute; hence, we hear about the human genome -- as if there were only one.) The genome, in turn, is distributed among 23 sets of chromosomes, which, in each of us, have been replicated and re-replicated since the fusion of sperm and egg that marked our conception. The source of our personal uniqueness, our full genome, is therefore preserved in each of our body's several trillion cells. At a more basic level, the genome is DNA, deoxyribonucleic acid, a natural polymer built up of repeating nucleotides, each consisting of a simple sugar, a phosphate group, and one of four nitrogenous bases. The hierarchy of structure from chromosome to nucleotide is shown in Some DNA details. In the chromosomes, two DNA strands are twisted together into an entwined spiral -- the famous double helix -- held together by weak bonds between complementary bases, adenine (A) in one strand to thymine (T) in the other, and cytosine to guanine (C-G). In the language of molecular genetics, each of these linkages

Some DNA details (49k GIF)

constitutes a base pair. All told, if we count only one of each pair of chromosomes, the human genome comprises about three billion base pairs.

The specificity of these base-pair linkages underlies all that is wonderful about DNA. First, replication becomes straightforward. Unzipping the double helix provides unambiguous templates for the synthesis of daughter molecules: One helix begets two with near-perfect fidelity. Second, by a similar template-based process, depicted in From genes to proteins, a means is also available for producing a DNA-like messenger to the cell cytoplasm. There, this messenger RNA, the faithful complement of a particular DNA segment, directs the synthesis of a particular protein. Many subtleties are entailed in the synthesis of proteins, but in a schematic sense, the process is elegantly simple.

Every protein is made up of one or more polypeptide chains, each a series of (typically) several hundred molecules known as amino acids, linked by so-called peptide bonds. Remarkably, only 20 different kinds of amino acids suffice as the building blocks for all human proteins. The synthesis of a protein chain, then, is simply a matter of specifying a particular sequence of amino acids. This is the role of the messenger RNA. (The same nitrogenous bases are at work in RNA as in DNA, except that uracil takes the place of the DNA base thymine.) Each linear sequence of three bases

(both in RNA and in DNA) corresponds uniquely to a single amino acid. The RNA sequence AAU thus dictates that the amino acid asparagine should be added to a polypeptide chain, GCA specifies alanine -- and so on. A segment of the chromosomal DNA that directs the synthesis of a single type of protein constitutes a single gene.

http://www.ornl.gov/sci/techresources/Human_Genome/publicat/tko/03_introducing.html

5. Read the following excerpt from Take on the Street . Note the use of definition and topic sentences in each paragraph; the way each paragraph develops, begins, and ends. Also note the conversational structure of sentences, the length of sentences, and use of familiar language to explain “Cash Flow”: How does the author use each of these stylistic features to produce text that is easy to follow?

To really understand the quality of a company’s earnings, you need to analyze the cash-flow statement, the last document in a company’s financial reports. As its name implies, this statement shows the actual cash that came into the company and the actual cash that flowed out. Remember that the balance sheet reveals a company’s assets, liabilities, and shareholders’ equity at the close of the fiscal year or the most recent quarter. The income statement reflects the changes that have occurred in the balance sheet items, including promises of money that the company has made or received. The cash-flow statement differs in that it reveals the changes in actual cash that the business has generated and

From genes to proteins (67k GIF)

the actual cash raised from creditors and investors. It also shows how the company invested that cash between the start of one fiscal year to the end of another. In short, cash flows shows where the money is coming from and how the money is being spent.

The cash-flow statement has three parts. First you’ll see “cash from operating activities,” which is the money that comes in from sales of the company’s products and services and the money going out to produce those sales. It also includes interest and tax payments. Recall that accounting rules allow companies to list revenue on the income statement before they receive actual payment. Not so on the cash-flow statement, which lists only revenues actually collected.

You may see negative cash flow from operations. While on its face that may seem like a bad sign, it isn’t always a signal to sell. Fast-flowing start-ups, which consume more cash than they can generate in the first few years of the business, will especially show negative cash flow. They cover the shortfall by borrowing money or issuing stock. But sometimes negative operating cash flow indicates that a company is in serious trouble, especially if the company is disposing of assets, as by selling off pieces of the company, because it can’t persuade investors to buy its stock or bankers to lend it money.

The second item on the cash-flow statement is “cash from investing activities.” This is where the company reveals how it’s using its excess cash, either by investing in other companies or by expanding its own business. If the company, like thousands of others, invested in the stock market in the go-go ’90s, this is where you’ll see how much cash it received from stock sales, or how much it spent to buy shares. Any gains or losses on such stock, however, are reported in the operating activities section of the cash flow statement. The investing part of the cash flow statement also reveals any investments in long-term assets, such as an acquisition (or a sale) of a manufacturing plant or equipment, or the opening of new retail stores. Finally, if the company lent money to its executives to allow them to buy stock, that loan will be listed here.

The third part, “cash from financing activities,” includes money that comes in or goes out when a company sells or buys shares of its own stock. Issuing new debt or bank borrowings also will show up here an increase in cash. Paying dividends or paying down debt will show up as a decrease in cash. A start-up company with little or no sales is more likely than a mature company to show lots of financing activity, since the cash to run the business has to come from somewhere.

So there’s the cash-flow statement in a nutshell. If you look back at the balance sheet from the amount of cash the company has—listed under current assets—that figure comes from the final cash balance on the cash-flow statement. (153-154)

References

Arthur Levitt (with Paula Dwyer), Take on the Street. New York: Pantheon Books, 2002.

James Watson (with Andrew Berry ) , DNA: The Secret of Life. New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2003.