Addressing Common Problems in Essays by Kimberly Carver

Or… “You should probably really pay attention if you want to succeed in my class/pass the AP test/improve your writing skills.”

Hokay….

We’ll go over things to remember for the three specific types of essays you will write in class first, and then move to things you should keep in mind when writing any essay ever.

Writing Effective Argument Essays: Some Impediments from the Perspective of the Former Chief Reader (David Jolliffe)

-- A misunderstanding of the genre the student is called upon to produce:

NO– an examination answer that simply answers the question.

YES- An essay that contextualizes the prompt for the reader and can stand on its own

Cont

A use of the five paragraph theme in contrast to the six-part oration

A failure to forge a sophisticated thesis

-- A thesis with a subordinate clause is generally more effective than one without

An unwillingness or inability to be transparent about thinking:

-- It’s often a wise strategy to let the reader know “here’s why I’m thinking what I’m thinking (meta-commentary).

An inability to offer specific, concrete examples in support of claims.

--Students need to read widely, watch high-quality news programs, and talk to intelligent adults

A temptation to use literary examples, whether they are appropriate or not.

--Hester Prynne, Jay Gatsby and Hamlet are not examples of every social quandary

A reliance on oversimplified syntax and diction

-Students need to practice imitation and sentence combining. Students need to benefit from a robust vocabulary enrichment program

The Things AP Graders Care Most About

I’ll show you some actual grader comments and examples from the range finders we do in class. You will see that for all three types of essays, what the graders care most about is that you answered the question, you supported your answer logically and with sound and culturally relevant examples, and you organized your answer efficiently. Your answer should demonstrate analysis of a problem or a paragraph (evidence of your own critical thinking) rather than just summaries of what others are saying.

For ALL essay types: Introductions Your introduction should be strong and illuminating: a good

start, reflecting organization and interest. It should give emphasis to the background of your topic and why it is important– what I call the So what/Who cares factor. You can also give exigence to your topic here: why are we talking about this topic right now? What has happened to get the debate going?

Your thesis should not be weak; this critical statement needs sequences and related ideas required to build a clear argument; it should name people and concepts you will discuss in the essay. Consider your thesis a map that should guide someone through the paper. Every sentence in your essay should directly or indirectly seek to prove your main point (thesis). Your thesis belongs in your introduction and should usually be the last sentence of the first paragraph.

Intros cont’d

Even if you don’t know much about the background of this topic, you can discuss what one person or some people are saying (one side of the argument) and then respond to them by segueing into your thesis statement. Here’s an example:

“Voter turnout continues to decline each election in the United States. As a result, some people have suggested that we implement compulsory voting like some other countries already have. To these people, I would say _____. Compulsory voting thesis statement.”

Transitions, Organization, Focus

Think about the type of organization that will be most rhetorically effective for you. The best way to ensure a tight, well-written essay is to outline first. You will not only make sure you know where you are headed so you don’t ramble, but you will receive the added benefit of choosing the arrangement of your thoughts so they are presented in the most compelling way.

Assert a clear idea at the beginning of the paragraph as part of the topic sentence (consider this a body thesis). Make it a sharp, precise statement of the issue you will prove. Do not assert an element of plot or a fact as an idea of the topic sentence. Strong topic sentences or body theses should help with control of paragraph.

Attitude/Tone

There are a few things that can really destroy your ethos. Besides stating opinion as fact, ignoring or acting completely intolerant of the other side of the argument can alienate readers. You will never receive a prompt that isn’t somewhat controversial. The reason for this is that the College Board wants to see how you reach a conclusion. The conclusion itself isn’t what is being graded. Make sure you allow for the complexity of the argument by acknowledging that others might disagree with you. However, you want to sway them to your side, so be bold and confident rather than mousy or unsure. On the other end of the spectrum are the pretentious know-it-alls whose arguments, even if they are 100% logically correct, we want to nitpick or refuse to consider because we just don’t like the speaker’s/author’s tone.

Tone Cont.

Examples:

Intolerant Writing:

It is undeniably clear that calling for the death of the death penalty is past due. All the facts prove it to be ineffective. Wake up, America! Everyone deserves a second chance, and it doesn’t make sense to tie death to death (killing someone because they killed someone). You can disagree, but you’d be wrong. It would be a cold soul who would vote to allow it to remain a part of our justice system. We live in a modern, evolved society, not a primitive culture! Taking a life is never justifiable for any reason and people who push for it to remain the standard for evil are evil themselves, pure and simple.

Tone

Mousy Writing:

I’m not an authority on the death penalty, but it seems to me like it could be possible to reform some of the inmates on Death Row. Perhaps they might not be fully reformed, but at least they wouldn’t be dead. We could put them in prison for life or something like that instead. This is only my opinion, but it’s kind of unfair to kill someone because they killed someone. And you might disagree, but I heard some people who are convicted are innocent. Wouldn’t that mean we might be killing innocent people in the name of justice? I’m just saying that it’s possible. I don’t want to offend anyone, but I think I’m against the death penalty for a lot of reasons.

Tone Cont.

Pretentious Writing:

Unfortunately, political neophytes might mistake offing a fellow member of our genus and species with the successful implementation of our American justice system. Upon further inspection, however, it becomes apparent that we often fallaciously attribute appropriate ethical reactions to our government when they should be condemned for perpetuating vigilante revenge tactics and even celebrating them! In our paradoxically postmodern yet primitive society, some individuals find that capital punishment offends their moral sensibilities. As we all place varying emphases upon certain facets of our very individualized moralities, it is appalling that this extreme solution still functions as a plausible response to even the most errant criminal behavior without the consensus of the majority.

Tone Cont.

Bonus Pretentious Writing:

"With the last gasp of Romanticism, the quelling of its florid uprising against the vapid formalism of one strain of the Enlightenment, the dimming of its yearning for the imagined grandeur of the archaic, and the dashing of its too sanguine hopes for a revitalized, fulfilled humanity, the horror of its more lasting, more Gothic legacy has settled in, distributed and diffused enough, to be sure, that lugubriousness is recognizable only as languor, or as a certain sardonic laconicism disguising itself in a new sanctification of the destructive instincts, a new genius for displacing cultural reifications in the interminable shell game of the analysis of the human psyche, where nothing remains sacred."

[from Stephen T. Tyman, "Ricoeur and the Problem of Evil," in The Philosophy of Paul Ricoeur, edited by Lewis Edwin Hahn (Open Court, 1995)]

***This paragraph actually won Second Prize in a Pretentious Writing Competition

Tone Cont.

Establishing Good Ethos:

The death penalty is an irreversible process which permanently deprives the offender of the due process of law. When a person is sentenced to death, he can no longer be benefited by any amendments in laws. Likewise, he can no longer be benefited by the possibility that new evidence will be discovered that will exonerate him. There is always the possibility that innocent people may be put to death; a study conducted by Bruce Robinson (2002) found that at least 350 people between 1900 and 1985 in America might have been innocent of the crime for which they were convicted, and could have been sentenced to death.

Support

Examples convince the reader of the validity of the argument. You must choose examples that are relevant and convincing. You must also explain examples thoroughly, showing how they are relevant and why they contribute to your argument. Use mature examples from history, current events, politics, literature, etc. Limit (as in, don’t use them unless you have no other choice) personal or hypothetical examples. Also, while religious viewpoints are acceptable as long as you state them as opinion, you may not use any religious books/principles to prove a point. Religion requires faith. This means that not everyone who reads your paper will believe in the same things or in the same ways you do. If you prove a point factually, you will have more readers agree with your logic.

Support Cont.

You should never state opinion as fact. On that note, always fact-check your paper when you’re finished. I’ve had former students assert that Martin Luther King, Jr. freed the slaves and that Texas is a fully Republican state so no gay people live here. You must be precise. In both of these cases, we know what the writer probably means; but both of these “facts” ruin the writer’s ethos with the reader.

Support Cont.

Close a paragraph with an idea that concludes what your topic sentence and examples have proven; do not simply mimic the assertion nor end with your last point. Draw a large idea that is the logical extension of your points made in the body. Think of the formula for a paragraph like this: A= Transition/Topic sentence B=Reason C=Support/evidence D=How support is relevant/proves that reason E=Why reason helps my overall argument. A+B+C+D+E= a great paragraph. Here’s an example:

Support Cont.

2011 Argument Essay Prompt:

“In his 2004 book, Status Anxiety, Alain de Botton argues that the chief aim of humorists is not merely to entertain but “to convey with impunity messages that might be dangerous or impossible to state directly.” Because society allows humorists to say things that other people cannot or will not say, de Botton sees humorists as serving a vital function in society. Think about the implications of de Botton’s view of the role of humorists (cartoonists, stand-up comics, satirical writers, hosts of television programs, etc.). Then write an essay that defends, challenges, or qualifies de Botton’s claim about the vital role of humorists. Use specific, appropriate evidence to develop your position.”

Support Cont.

*This is a paragraph taken from an actual student response to the 2011 Argument Essay Prompt:

A+B Even today, humorists affect our view of the world. C Amid an endless stream of political changes, elections, and controversy, satirical programs like Saturday Night Live provide welcome commentary on today’s issues. D By placing the leaders of our country and social issues of our day on a platform other than that of their own authority, the writers at SNL, The Daily Show, and programs of the like allow us to not just accept what we see on the news at face value and encourage us to question the ills of our society through humor and eventually work to fix them in our daily lives. E Humor acts as a nonviolent yet extremely effective mechanism for highlighting injustice, challenging a system, or “Rocking the Vote.”

Conclusions

Please do not abruptly end your essay once you’ve finished giving reasons, or simply restate the prompt in your conclusion. Conclusions that do these things are weak and therefore ineffective. Draw a larger idea at the essay’s close that grows out of the assertions you have given. Leave the reader with a better opinion of the logic and correctness of your essay.

Conclusions Cont.

Effective closures successfully draw together assertions and examples. They enrich the thematic statement; usually the theme follows the several sentences wrapping up the essay, then move to making an observation about the human condition, ambition, or motivation. I call this the “so what?” factor. You must try to connect the point you’re making (even if it’s a rhetorical analysis piece) to the bigger picture. For instance, if you are analyzing a historical speech or essay, find out what the author’s/ speaker’s intended effect is and how this effective speech or essay changed history because of the effective rhetorical strategy employed. If you are arguing a point, tell me why it matters. The prompts you receive will always tie in somehow to current matters/society at large.

Conclusions cont’d

Things you might think about to help you make that larger connection: Where do we go from here? What lessons have we learned? Who/what/when/where/why/how? Suggestions for a call to action/resolution to the problem

Nitpicky stuff that matters as it adds up1. Awkward phrasing-- The best way to find these awkward phrases in your paper is to have someone else (ideally) read your paper out loud. If the reader becomes tongue-tied or seems obviously confused about how to read a certain sentence, you can be sure its meaning is unclear, its structure is grammatically incorrect, or both.

2. No reference to the title of the piece and its author at the beginning of essay– Please make sure you do this within your first paragraph.

3. Unsophisticated uses of grammatical choices—semi-colons are hard. It’s also unsophisticated to make every sentence the same length and the same structure. Vary them!

Nitpicky stuff cont.

4.Incorrect formatting of MLA heading (left side of first page):

Last Name, First Name

Teacher

Class

Due Date

Nitpicky stuff cont.

5.Fragments and run-ons—fragments are not complete sentences. They carry no meaning without the sentence before them. Like this. Run-ons like this sentence continue to go on for miles and miles and when you should stop you don’t like I should have stopped there but didn’t.

6.Using any verb tense except present tense in literature discussion and analysis

Nitpicky stuff cont.

7.Indefinite reference; this, these, that are used incorrectly when they carry weight of a large idea. Restate the idea, clarify the connection between indefinite pronoun and the noun it replaces. Also, when you can, be specific.

Examples of Indefinite References

1.Lizzie gave that book to someone and never got it back.

2.Someone called to tell me the horrible news.

3.Although it could have happened to anyone, it happened to me.

Use clear references that effectively clarify ideas—if you mention “they,” replace that reference to someone specific. It not only helps in clarification, but it can establish credibility too. “They said smoking causes cancer” isn’t as effective as “The Surgeon General said that smoking causes cancer.”

Nitpicky stuff cont.

8. Avoid absolute words: all, every, each, any, anyone. These words suggest naïve thinking and weak logic. It’s rare that absolutes are truly necessary.

9. Homonyms/Plurals vs. Possessives

They’re, their, there

Affect/effect

Two, too, to

Final SLIDE!!!

You have to learn the difference between the usages of these words. Also, while there are some exceptions, when you have an apostrophe and an “s” at the end of a word, it signifies possession, or that someone owns something (or it can be a contraction, which is just shortening two words), whereas an “s” at the end of a word without an apostrophe before it signifies that there is more than one of something.

It’s= It is—It’s nice to know some grammatical terms.

Its= Something belonging to “it”—The cat licked its fur.

There are two Lady Gaga fans (more than one) in my class.

The Lady Gaga fans’ reactions (the reactions belonging to both of the fans) to my singing “Born This Way” were interesting.

One of the Lady Gaga fan’s reactions (the reaction belonging to one of the fans) was to cry. The other fan’s reaction was to walk out.

So…

Remember this stuff. This PowerPoint is on my website. Refer to it for all major assignments, peer edits, SAT and AP Test practice, etc. Hope it helps!

-Ms. Carver