all the quotes

7/27/2019 All the Quotes

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Amidst a tangled web site map conta

all the quotes

Never confuse motion with action -- Benjamin Franklin1.

When fortune knocks, open the door.2.

Before we set our hearts too much on anything, let us examine how happy are those who

already possess it.

3.

The eyes are the window to the soul.4.

A fault confessed is half redressed.5.

Know women, know pain, no women, no pain.6.

Beware the frumious Bandersnatch.7.

I used to be clueless about math, but I turned that around 360 degrees.8.

All men think all men mortal, but themselves.9.

It takes as much courage to have tried and failed as it does to have tried and succeeded.10.

A friend to all is a friend to none.11.

A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts.12.

The shortest answer is doing.13.

To talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming. -- English Proverb14.

Experience is the comb that nature gives us when we are bald.15.

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.16.

Speak not of my debts unless you mean to pay them.17.

Nothing would be done at all if a man waited until he could do it so well that no one could

find fault with it.

18.

The smallest deed is better than the greatest intention.19.

A country can be judged by the quality of its proverbs.20.

The impossible is often the untried.21.

Life without a friend is death without a witness.22.

Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.23.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.24.


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I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it.25.

Always love your enemies - nothing annoys them so much.26.

Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.27.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he'll be a

mile away, and barefoot.

28.

Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves -- Sir JamesM. Barrie

29.

You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else.30.

The best substitute for experience is being sixteen.31.

It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed.32.

In this life we get nothing save by effort.33.

Truth often suffers more by the heat of its defenders than the arguments of those that

oppose it.

34.

A wise man hears one word and understands two.35.

The course of true love never did run smooth. -- William Shakespeare, A Midsummer

Night's Dream

36.

There are no such things as strangers, only friends that we have not yet met37.

The sum of man's problems come from his inability to be alone in a silent room.38.

The Earth has music for those who listen.39.

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing

that is worth knowing can be taught.

40.

When I die, I want to go like my grandfather did, peacefully in his sleep, not yelling and

screaming, like all the passengers in his car.

41.

When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on

TV. -- Homer Simpson

42.

No problem is so big and complicated that it can't be run away from.43.

That which was hard to endure is sweet to remember.44.

There are two tragedies in life: The first is not to get your heart's desire, the second is to get

it.

45.

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.46.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.47.


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Love they to live that honor and love have.48.

We do not so much need the help of our friends as the confidence of their help when in

need.

49.

Anything more than the truth would be too much.50.

The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained

liberation from the self.

51.

In the middle of difficulty, lies opportunity. -- Albert Einstein52.

The more you know, the less you understand.53.

If God had meant for us to be naked, we'd have been born that way. -- Mark Twain54.

This statement is false.55.

To let a fool kiss you is stupid, to let a kiss fool you is worse.56.

A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.57.

Little is the number that think with their own mind and feel with their own heart.58.

Even a fool knows we can't reach the stars, but that doesn't stop the wise man from trying.59.

Man is the only creature who has the ability to blush, or the need. -- Mark Twain60.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.61.

I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.62.

Do or do not, there is no try.63.

War doesn't decide who's right, only who's left.64.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.65.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.66.

Time is the best teacher, unfortunately it kills all its students.67.

Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface

attached to the end of a long stick.

68.

Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.69.

Today is the last day of your life so far.70.

When all else fails, read the instructions.71.

If superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?72.


4/26

Every time I think the world is moving too fast, I go to the post office.73.

Duct tape is like the force, there is a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe

together.

74.

I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.75.

Black holes are where God divided by zero.76.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?77.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some don't have film.78.

All wiyht Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?79.

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.80.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.81.

Reply to everything someone says with 'that's what YOU think'82.

You make a living by what you get, you make a life by what you give.83.

I know there's always something we have to go through that has some deeper meaning but

right now I just can't say.

84.

One ought to whimsically delete files every once in a while, just to show the computer who's

boss.

85.

I think, therefore I am, I think.86.

Leadership is getting someone to do what they don't want to do to achieve what they wantto achieve.

87.

Take time to deliberate; but when the time for action arrives, stop thinking and act.88.

When I hear somebody sigh, life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, compared to what? --

Sydney Harris

89.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.90.

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died

of tuberculosis. -- Jack Handey

91.

Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface

attached to the end of a long stick. -- Jack Handey

92.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it. -- Jack Handey93.

If dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, I hope they don't go by size,

because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas. -- Jack Handey

94.

The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet.95.


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Money is a good servant but a bad master.96.

Our sweetest songs are those that tell of saddest thoughts.97.

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. -- Charles

Dickens

98.

To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did; I ought to know because I have done it a

thousand times. -- Mark Twain

99.

There was never a good war or a bad peace.100.

Hard work never killed anybody but why take the chance?101.

I had an IQ test. The results came back negative.102.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.103.

The trouble with getting a life is making the payments.104.

Live out of your imagination, not your history.105.

Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to

understand.

106.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.107.

Humanity has only scratched the surface of its real potential.108.

Go often to the house of thy friend, for weeds choke the unused path.109.

It often shows an excellent command of language to say nothing.110.

People are where they are because that's exactly where they really want to be whether

they'll admit that or not.

111.

We can let circumstances rule us, or we can take charge and rule our lives from within.112.

Your world is a living expression of how you are using and have used your mind.113.

All you need is the plan, the road map, and the courage to press on to your destination.114.

Success is the progressive realization of a worthy goal or ideal.115.

Whatever we plant in our subconscious mind and nourish with repetition and emotion will

one day become a reality.

116.

Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.117.

The only thing that we know is that we know nothing and that is the highest flight of human

wisdom.

118.

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not bysmashing it.

119.


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If you want the rainbow, you've got to put up with the rain.120.

Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.121.

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it.122.

A turtle makes progress when it sticks its neck out.123.

It is amazing how much people can get done if they do not worry about who gets the credit.124.

People will never know how long it takes you to do something. They will only know how well

it is done.

125.

How far would Moses have gone if he had taken a poll in Egypt?126.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.127.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.128.

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.129.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.130.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?131.

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.132.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.133.

I've never made a mistake. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.134.

Seek the wisdom of the ages, but look at the world through the eyes of a child.135.

You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try.136.

Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe, it can achieve.137.

Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness.138.

Quit now, you'll never make it. If you disregard this advice, you'll be halfway there.139.

Whenever you fall, pick something up.140.

If it is to be, it is up to me.141.

What I do today is important because I am paying a day of my life for it.142.

There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that's your own

self. -- Aldous Huxley

143.

Experience is the gathering of the complexity of knowledge, wisdom is the simplification of

it.

144.


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Fear is just another four-letter word.145.

Ignorance is bliss. -- Thomas Gray146.

When one burns books, one will, in the end, burn people.147.

I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand.148.

Wherever you go, there you are. -- Buckaroo Banzai149.

People who say it cannot be done should not interrupt those who are doing it.150.

The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.151.

When you die and go to heaven every dog you ever owned will run up to greet you.152.

I once believed in reincarnation, but that was in another life.153.

Tis better to be a witty fool than a foolish twit.154.

Things should be made as simply as possible but not any simpler.155.

Even when you fall, you're still moving forward.156.

If you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how unlikely, must be the truth.157.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.158.

It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.159.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.160.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.161.

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.162.

The only time the world beats a path to your door is if you're in the bathroom.163.

Never knock on Death's door, ring the doorbell and run. He hates that.164.

When you're finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?165.

If you're living on the edge, make sure you're wearing your seat belt.166.

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.167.

Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.168.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.169.

A closed mouth gathers no feet.170.

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.171.


8/26

It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.172.

Accept that some days you're the pigeon and some days you're the statue.173.

I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow isn't looking

good either.

174.

Last night I laid in bed looking up at the stars and thought to myself, where the heck is the

ceiling?!

175.

On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.176.

There are two rules for ultimate success in life: 1) Never tell everything you know.177.

Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.178.

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved with a suitable application of

explosives.

179.

Good news is just life's way of keeping you off balance.180.

Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.181.

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you first tell them that Benjamin Franklin

said it.

182.

I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.183.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.184.

I don't get even, I get odder.185.

In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.186.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but I never got around to it.187.

Dijon vu, the same mustard as before.188.

My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.189.

A day without sunshine is like night.190.

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.191.

If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.192.

Before you run in double harness, look well to the other horse.193.

It's all right to hold a conversation, but you should let go of it now and then.194.

Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put

on my pants.

195.

Bumper sticker: My child beat up your Honor Student.196.


9/26

I'm a syntactical leper. I'm dropping syntax everywhere.197.

SnapMagic Software Inc, Making the World Snap-Happy.198.

There are two theories to arguing with a woman -- neither one works.199.

If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop digging200.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.201.

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.202.

Always drink upstream from the herd.203.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn

their lesson.

204.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.205.

I figure if I care, I'm just gonna get an ulcer, so why care?206.

I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.207.

My Reality Check bounced.208.

Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.209.

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock.210.

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?211.

I believe five out of four people have trouble with fractions.212.

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're

ahead"?

213.

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?214.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?215.

If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?216.

No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning.217.

As I said before, I never repeat myself.218.

If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.219.

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.220.

I often regret that I have spoken, rarely that I have been silent.221.

When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to222.


10/26

extend your arm and whack them in the head.

Rather than focusing on things and time, focus on preserving and enhancing relationships

and on accomplishing results.

223.

Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're okay, you're it.224.

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.225.

If you are given a take-home test, you will forget where you live.226.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult

it was.

227.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.228.

Boycott shampoo, demand the REAL poo!229.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.230.

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.231.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.232.

There is a seven letter word in the English language that contains ten words without

rearranging any of its letters, "therein": the, there, he, in, rein, her, here, ere, therein, herein.

233.

When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put your two cents in, what

happens to the other penny?

234.

Nothing can make you feel inferior without your consent.235.

Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them. -- Albert

Einstein

236.

Anytime you think the problem is out there, that very thought is the problem.237.

Energy and persistence conquer all things.238.

Character is much easier kept than recovered.239.

So, what's with this guy Gideon, anyway? And why can't he ever remember his Bible?240.

Have you noticed that all you need to grow healthy, vigorous grass is a crack in your

sidewalk?

241.

Carpe Diem.242.

Dead men tell no tales.243.

Losing your drivers' license is just God's way of saying "BOOGA, BOOGA!"244.

Be like a duck. Calm on the surface, but always paddling like the dickens underneath.245.


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12/26

It's amazing how many people you could be friends with if only they'd make the first

approach.

271.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. -- H.H. Munro272.

I have never had a bad day when I didn't choose to.273.

It is perspective that determines the veracity of the circumstance not the circumstance itself.274.

Got Milk?275.

Sometimes you have to stop and smell the flowers.276.

Our life is frittered away by detail. Simplify, simplify.277.

No man knows his true character until he has run out of gas, purchased something on the

installment plan, and raised an adolescent. -- Marcelene Cox

278.

Formal education will make you a living, self education will make you a fortune. - Jim Rohn279.

There is no virtue so great as to be safe from temptation...280.

Money is the root of all wealth.281.

Good thing my house is on the way home.282.

Did you hear about the self help group for compulsive talkers? It's called On & On Anon.283.

I came, I saw, I had no idea what the heck was going on, I left.284.

Aviation Rule #1: Number of takeoffs must equal number of landings.285.

According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies.286.

If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable.287.

Being a husband is like any other job. It helps a lot if you like the boss.288.

A recent government study has finally concluded that pressing the elevator button in rapid

succession does NOT cause the elevator to arrive any more quickly than simply waiting

until it finally arrives.

289.

Seen on a bumper sticker: "Driver carries no cash; he is married."290.

Snowflakes are some of nature's most fragile things but look what happens when they stick

together.

291.

Some minds are like concrete; all mixed up and permanently set.292.

If you think this is a free country, try to park your car in a big city.293.

A man who says marriage is a 50-50 proposition doesn't understand two things: Onewomen, two fractions.

294.


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Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.319.

Last week a cop stopped me in my car. He asked me if I had a police record. I said, no but I

have the new Beatles album. Cops have no sense of humor.

320.

Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the

highway. -- Andrew S. Tannenbaum

321.

Quidquid latine dictum sit, altum viditur. [Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.]322.

Call on God, but row away from the rocks. -- Indian proverb323.

A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him. -- Brendan Francis324.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he will never

be able to edge his car onto a freeway.

325.

There are three things I have always loved and never understood -- art, music, and women.326.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, anddoes not stop until you get to school.327.

You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.328.

Women can keep a secret as well as men, it just takes a few more of them to do it.329.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest. -- Mark Twain330.

Just because the message may never be received does not mean it is not worth sending.331.

Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs astep at a time. -- Mark Twain

332.

You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact.333.

An honest tale speeds best being plainly told. -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"334.

It's lucky you're going so slowly, because you're going in the wrong direction.335.

Change your thoughts and you change your world.336.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. -- Mark Twain337.

It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.338.

Your true value depends entirely on what you are compared with.339.

Only dead fish flow with the stream.340.

When in doubt, mumble.341.

Every nonzero finite dimensional inner product space has an orthonormal basis. It makessense, when you don't think about it.

342.


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16/26


17/26

Start the day with a smile. After that you can be your nasty old self again.392.

Nudists are people who wear one-button suits.393.

Some people cause happiness wherever they go, others, whenever they go.394.

We may not return the affection of those who like us, but we always respect their good

judgement. -- Libbie Fudim

395.

A dull pencil is better than a sharp mind.396.

There's no place like ~397.

Be witty if you can, be pretty if you are, but be cheerful if it kills you.398.

The greater amount of truth is impulsively uttered; thus the greater amount is spoken, not

written. -- Edgar Allen Poe

399.

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it

will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. -- Carl Sandburg

400.

He is a hard man who is only just, and a sad one who is only wise. -- Voltaire401.

The silence often of pure innocence Persuades when speaking fails. -- William

Shakespeare

402.

Simplicity doesn't mean to live in misery and poverty. You have what you need, and you

don't want to have what you don't need. -- Charan Singh

403.

Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday

afternoon. -- Susan Ertz

404.

A word in earnest is as good as a speech. -- Charles Dickens405.

As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a

meaningful vision of human life -- so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an

archbishop so you can meet girls. -- Matt Cartmill

406.

One kind word can warm three winter months -- Japanese proverb407.

If entropy is increasing, where is it coming from?408.

Life's a binge and then you diet.409.

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.410.

A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book. -- Irish proverb411.

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art. It has no survival value; rather it is one

of those things that give value to survival. -- C.S. Lewis

412.

If men do not keep on speaking terms with children, they cease to be men, and become

merely machines for eating and for earning money. -- John Updike

413.


18/26

Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people. -- William Butler

Yeats

414.

Sight is a faculty, but seeing is an art.415.

Time is a great healer, unless you have a rash, in which case you're better off with ointment.416.

Time can heal all wounds, but it will also kill you. -- Dan Hersam417.

A treasure of memories is a very special happiness. -- Margaret Lindsey418.

We cherish our friends not for their ability to amuse us, but for ours to amuse them. --

Evelyn Waugh

419.

The men who learn endurance are they who call the whole world brother -- Charles Dickens420.

The educator must above all understand how to wait - to reckon all effects in the light of the

future, not of the present. -- Ellen Kay

421.

It is not the function of our government to keep the citizen from falling into error; it is the

function of the citizen to keep the government from falling into error. -- Robert H. Jackson

422.

The great gift of human beings is that we have the power of empathy -- Meryl Streep423.

Ultimately, the only power to which man should aspire is that which he exercises over

himself. -- Elie Wiesel

424.

The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the

will to carry on. -- Walter Lippmann

425.

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody

else. -- Judy Garland

426.

One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters. -- English Proverb427.

Save trees. Eat more woodpeckers.428.

There is no such thing as "solution" if "problem" is nonexistent.429.

Removing the straw that broke the camel's back does not necessarily allow the camel to

walk again.

430.

The only difference in the game of love over the last few thousand years is that they've

changed trumps from clubs to diamonds. -- The Indianapolis Star

431.

A man is not complete until he is married -- then he is finished.432.

Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm turns off.433.

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a

butterfly dreaming I am a man. -- Chuang-tzu

434.

Brain off-line, please wait.435.


19/26

When you say "I wrote a program that crashed Windows", people just stare at you blankly

and say "Hey, I got those with the system, *for free*". -- Linus Torvalds)

436.

A bird in the hand makes it awfully hard to blow your nose.437.

Be sure to evaluate the bird-hand/bush ratio.438.

Push where it gives and scratch where it itches.439.

An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. -- Benjamin Franklin440.

Love means nothing to a tennis player.441.

Confirmed bachelor: A man who goes through life without a hitch.442.

When you are in command, command. -- Nimitz443.

The only decent thing to do behind a person's back is to pat it.444.

Your friend will argue with you. -- Alexander Solzhenitsyn445.

Los secretos - ni oirlos ni decirlos. (Secrets, don't listen to them nor tell them.)446.

If we have not quiet in our minds, outward comfort will do no more for us than a golden

slipper on a gouty foot. -- John Bunyan

447.

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. -- Ralph

Waldo Emerson

448.

Wisdom is divided into two parts: 1) having a great deal to say, and (2) not saying it.449.

It is not always the same thing to be a good man and a good citizen. -- Aristotle450.

Good timber does not grow with ease, the stronger the wind the stronger the trees. -- J.

Williard Marriott

451.

If the Earth is in a solar system, the solar system is in a galaxy, and the galaxy is in a

universe; then what is the universe in?

452.

If you see an onion ring, answer it.453.

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him

power. -- Abraham Lincoln

454.

To me, kung-fu is like a ballet, except that there's no music, no choreography, and the

dancers all hit each other

455.

Compassion will cure more sins than condemnation. -- Henry Ward Beecher456.

One thing which gives radiance to everything is the hope of something better around the

corner.

457.

People are like stained glass windows. Their beauty is revealed only if there is light fromwithin. -- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

458.


20/26

The most important words we'll ever utter are those words we say to ourselves, about

ourselves, when we are by ourselves. -- Al Waker

459.

An idea not coupled with action will never get any bigger then the brain cell it occupied. --

Arnold Glasgow

460.

What lies ahead of you is nothing compared to what lies within you.461.

I like being single, I'm always there when I need me. -- Art Leo462.

Foolproof Operation: No provision for adjustment.463.

Mosher's Law of Software Engineering: Don't worry if it doesn't work right. If everything did,

you'd be out of a job.

464.

Caution: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.465.

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. --

Isaac Newton

466.

If I knew then what I know now, I'd know more now.467.

Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self.

-- Cyril Connolly

468.

Words are timeless. You should utter them or write them with a knowledge of their

timelessness. -- Kahlil Gibran

469.

No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and

thought is viscous. -- Henry Brooks Adams

470.

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance. -- Oscar Wilde471.

The secret to a long life is to try not to shorten it.472.

Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get. -- Forrest Gump473.

A diplomat is one who always remembers a woman's birthday, but never her age -- Robert

Frost

474.

A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. -- John

Ciardi

475.

There are two times a man doesn't understand a woman: before marriage and after

marriage.

476.

Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. -- Russian Proverb477.

Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young

female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a

date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer male friend.

478.

The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.479.


21/26

If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a

sorry lot indeed. -- Albert Einstein

480.

You will never amount to much. -- Munich Schoolmaster, to Albert Einstein, age 10481.

Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated. -- R. Drabek482.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. -- Aesop483.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder -- of somebody else.484.

To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girl friends. -- Benjamin Franklin485.

To our sweethearts and wives. May they never meet. -- 19th century toast486.

Choose in marriage only a woman whom you would choose as a friend if she were a man.

-- Joubert

487.

Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. -- Benjamin Franklin488.

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.489.

There are a thousand thoughts lying within a man that he does not know till he takes up a

pen to write. -- William Makepeace Thackeray, novelist, 1811-1863

490.

There was never a genius without a tincture of madness. -- Aristotle491.

The believer is happy; the doubter is wise. -- Hungarian proverb492.

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry. -- Spanish Proverb493.

Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. -- Confucius494.

Found on a bathroom stall: Here I sit, broken hearted, paid my dime, but only farted.495.

One loss isn't a failure -- Lewis Harney496.

Man who falls in vat of molten optical glass makes spectacle of self.497.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand binary, and those that

don't.

498.

I got a new hearing aid. What kind is it? 10 past 4.499.

What a strange illusion it is to believe that beauty is goodness. -- Leo Tolstoy500.

The image of myself, in my own mind, is very different than the image I try to create in the

minds of others in order that they might love me. -- W. H. Auden

501.

Hanlon's Razor: Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.502.

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity.-- Louis Pasteur

503.


22/26

Love is an ideal thing, marriage a real thing; a confusion of the real with the ideal never

goes unpunished. -- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

504.

The happiness of most people we know is not ruined by great catastrophes or fatal errors,

but by the repetition of slowly destructive little things. -- Ernest Dimnet, French priest,

lecturer and author

505.

Girls are like phones. They like to be held and talked to but if you press the wrong button

you get disconnected.

506.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.507.

To see a need and wait to be asked is to already refuse.508.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. -- George Bernard Shaw509.

The great man is he who does not lose his child's heart. -- Mencius510.

A poem begins with a lump in the throat. -- Robert Frost511.

In life, the more you refuse to accept anything but the best, the more likely you are to get it.512.

Tell a man that the universe is made of 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him that a

bench has wet paint on it and he has to touch it.

513.

Don't worry about spilling some paint while working on the big picture.514.

Don't worry over what other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over

what you are thinking about them.

515.

If we weren't meant to juggle, tennis balls wouldn't come three to a can.516.

Drink Canada Dry! You might not succeed, but it is fun trying.517.

Houston, Tranquillity Base here. The Eagle has landed. -- Neil Armstrong518.

It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.519.

You have to make money first in order to make money last.520.

Meade's Maxim: Remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.521.

Don't let the past dictate who you are, let it dictate who you will become.522.

Did it ever occur to you that fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?523.

A man without a woman is like a statue without pigeons.524.

Put not your trust in money, but put your money in trust.525.

Laughter is the closest distance between two people. -- Victor Borge526.

What I like most about myself is that I'm so understanding when I mess things up.527.


23/26

Do not go where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. --

Ralph Waldo Emerson

528.

Give a man fire and he'll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a

lifetime.

529.

I see said the blind man to his deaf dog.530.

Sometimes the answer to fear does not lie in trying to explain away the causes, sometimes

the answer lies in courage. -- J. Robert Oppenheimer

531.

You have the power to influence all with whom you come in contact,and the power to

choose the kind of influence. -- Dustin Ault

532.

I hereby solemnly swear and resolve, that I shall finish whatever I sta533.

You have to wonder who decided flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.534.

Never confuse your right to do something with doing the right thing.535.

It is nice to be important, but more important to be nice.536.

The fact that nobody understands you doesn't make you an artist.537.

You don't know when you were middle-aged until you have died and divide by two.538.

The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; the optimist sees the opportunity in

every difficulty. -- Lawrence Pearsall Jacks

539.

Think rich, look poor. -- Andy Warhol540.

You can't ever be really free if you admire somebody too much. -- Tove Jansson541.

Living is more a question of what one spends than what one makes. -- Marcel Duchamp542.

If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier

world. -- J. R. R. Tolkien

543.

Not all who wander are lost. -- J. R. R. Tolkien544.

It does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations, if you live near him. -- J. R. R.

Tolkien

545.

Many that live deserve death. And some die that deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then

be not too eager to deal out death in the name of justice, fearing for your own safety. Even

the wise cannot see all ends. -- J. R. R. Tolkien

546.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --

Aristotle

547.

Count Hermann Keyserling once said truly that the greatest American superstition was

belief in facts. -- John Gunther

548.


24/26

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. -- George Carlin549.

How much wind could a windbreaker break if a windbreaker could break wind?550.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.551.

When I do good, I feel good; when I do bad, I feel bad, and that is my religion. -- Abraham

Lincoln

552.

There are no new sins...the old ones just get more publicity.553.

If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all.554.

Our chief want is someone who will inspire us to be what we know we could be. -- Ralph

Waldo Emerson

555.

How fortunate is a person who does not respond to insults - a hundred evils will pass by

him. -- Daf Yomi 7a

556.

Success has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself. Success is

what you do for others. -- Danny Thomas

557.

We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without illuminating our own. -- Ben

Sweetland

558.

Never look down on a man unless you are helping him up.559.

A ship in the harbor is safe but that is not what ships were built for. -- Donald Kendall, Chm.

PepsiCo

560.

Changing your mind is one of the best ways of finding out if you still have one.561.

It's never too late to be what you might have been. -- George Eliot562.

Music is adrenaline printed in ink. -- Taylor Rodgers563.

Lies equal pain, truth equals pleasure.564.

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.565.

A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your step as you walk the

tightrope of life. -- William Arthur Ward

566.

You have to learn to listen, and listen to learn.567.

If coffee is not ground up well enough, is it underground?568.

I've learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends on

our dispositions and not on our circumstances. -- Martha Washington

569.

A noble soul embiggens the smallest man. -- Jeremiah Springfield570.

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes atouch of genius, and a lot of courage, to move in the opposite direction. -- Albert Einstein

571.


25/26

Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. -- Albert

Einstein

572.

Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you respond to it. -- Lou

Holtz

573.

Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter. -- Joseph Addison574.

Every noble work is at first impossible. -- Thomas Carlyle575.

No man is a failure who is enjoying life -- William Feather576.

There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way. -- Christopher

Morley

577.

There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do. -- Bill Watterson578.

If people never did silly things, nothing intelligent would ever get done. -- Ludwig

Wittgenstein

579.

The only way to live is to accept each minute as an unrepeatable miracle, which is exactly

what it is: a miracle and unrepeatable. -- Margaret Storm Jameson

580.

We are what we believe we are. -- C.S. Lewis581.

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. -- Albert Einstein582.

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -- Albert Einstein583.

Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in

freedom. -- Albert Einstein

584.

If you can't explain it to a 6-year-old, you don't understand it yourself. -- Albert Einstein585.

We have to do the best we can. This is our sacred human responsibility. -- Albert Einstein586.

Imagination is more important than knowledge. -- Albert Einstein587.

Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. -- Aristotle588.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act, but a habit. -- Aristotle589.

Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way. You become just by

performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing

brave actions. -- Aristotle

590.

It is one thing to praise discipline, and another to submit to it. -- Miguel de Cervantes591.

Determine never to be idle. It is wonderful how much may be done if we are always doing. --

Thomas Jefferson

592.

All men's miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone. -- Blaise Pascal593.


26/26

The secret of getting ahead is getting started. The secret of getting started is breaking your

complex overwhelming tasks into small manageable tasks, and then starting on the first one

-- Mark Twain

594.

The difference between adversity and adventure is attitude -- Unknown595.

We would worry less about what others think of us if we realized how seldom they do. --

Ethel Barrett

596.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do or do without. -- Unknown597.

People who don't take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. People who do

take risks generally make about two big mistakes a year. -- Peter Drucker

598.

Better the devil you know than the devil you don't -- Unknown599.

Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

-- A wise soul

600.

It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not

understanding it. -- Upton Beall Sinclair

601.

Spend less time fantasizing about 'success' and way more time making really cool mistakes

-- Merlin Mann

602.

Do something wonderful, people may imitate it. -- Albert Schweitzer603.

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. -- Albert Schweitzer604.

The tragedy of life is what dies inside a man while he lives. -- Albert Schweitzer605.

Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what youare doing, you will be successful. -- Albert Schweitzer

606.

Wise men speak because they have something to say. Fools speak because they have to

say something. -- Unknown

607.

I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it short. -- Blaise

Pascal

608.

Music has the power to make everything beautiful and everything beautiful has the power to

make music. -- A girl in 7th grade

609.

Great minds have purposes, others have dreams. -- Unknown610.

Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. -- Berthold Auerbach611.

Updated Jun 08, 2011

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