ALLWHOARELEFT

WrittenbyRaúlHernándezGarrido

EnglishtranslationbyAlbertDavidHitchcock

Wiegala,wiegala,wille,

wieistdieWeltsostille!

EsstörtkeinLautdiesüsseRuh,

schlaf,meinKindchen,schlafauchdu.

Wiegala,wiegala,wille,

wieistdieWeltsostille.

IlseWeber,Inmemoriam

Inremembranceofallthosewhoareleft

andofallthosewhohaveleftus.

ForAdolfo,forÁngelandÁngeles.Thanks.

Formytworeasonsforbeinghere,

ElenaandAlejandro.

1. OMENS

(ThefaceoftheWOMANisturned

towardthewater)

WOMAN:Ilookoutandintothewater.

Iseemyselfthere,overthewater.

Myfacebouncesoverthecrystal

ofitssurface.Ileanintomyself,

Iremember,Ithink.Carefully.

Icouldsinkdownthrough

thiswetmirror.

(TheOLDMAN,inthehalf-light,

still.)

OLDMAN:Iamtired,tired.My

legsdon’tsupportmeany

more.Theyhavegoneon

almostfiftyyears.Somany

thingslivedoverthistime.

Somanythingslost. Somanythingslost.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

Acameraandarifle.

Thecamerafreezestheeye.

Theriflespitsandthebulletswhistle

Aroundthecamera. Theyearspass,life.Theyoung

Fire. manwhoIoncewasisno

longeralive.

Fire. Fullofvimandvigor,

Fire. enoughtosurvivetwowars.

Fire. Enoughtosurvivesomething

Fire. worsethanwar.

Fire.

Fire. Ilivedhate,cruelty,andalso

tendernessandcompassion.

Ilivedtreason.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

September5,1936.

CerroMuriano,Córdoba.

Whattheeyedoesn’tsee.Whatthecamera

captures.

Thesky:Agraystain.Theearth:

Apricklysea.Betweentheskyandthe

earth,amanfalls.Dying.

I’mlookingforaman,Juan

Cerrada.Iimagineatalland

strongframe.Iimaginehim,but

Ican’tseehisface.I’mlooking

forJuanCerrada,forthefather

Ineverknew.

Throughtheremembrancesof

others,Iamlookinginthepast

forthemanI’llneverknow.

Fire. Igetupeverydaywithnothing

Fire. todobutthinkandremember;

Fire. Igetupenormouslytired,Iget

Fire. upandmybonesachefrom

Fire. exhaustion.I’mwornoutfrom

Fire. thetimethat’spassed.Worn

Fire. outfromthetimethat’sleft.

Wornoutfromtalking,thinking.

Wornoutfromlookingthrough

thewindow,totheotherside,

facingthesea.Wornoutfrom

seeinganemptyroad.

September5,1936.

CerroMuriano,Córdoba.

Ariflefires.Amandies.

FedericoBorrellGarcía.

Acamerashoots.Theimage

isfrozen.

RobertCapa.

CerroMuriano,Córdoba.

September5,1936.

1936-1939

Atnight,theseaturnschoppy

againsttheearth.Itssilentroar

resoundsontheroad.

Spainisdividedintwohalves,

Irreconcilable

fleshagainstflesh

bloodagainstblood

WhenIwaslittle,lookingat

myreflection,Iwouldrepeat

hisnameoverandover.I

thoughtthatifIrepeated

hisnameoverandover,

thewaterwouldbringhim

tome.

JuanCerrada. Infrontofmethere’sanempty

Fire. JuanCerrada. road.Onittheshoutsstill

Fire. JuanCerrada. resound,yearslater.

Fire.

Inthedarknesslivethe Inthedarknesslivetheghosts

ghostsofmysolitude. ofmysolitude

1936-1939. Ilivewithmymemory.

bloodagainstblood.

Thousandsofstories

Thousandsofholesinwhich

tolookforreasonsforapain

nearlyforgotten.

Fleshagainstflesh AwaitingthedaywhenIcan

bloodagainstblood forget,thedaywhentheyall

haveforgottenme.

Aftersomuchtime

Whyremembernow?

Rememberinthenameof

whom?

Offeringaremindertowhom?

Towhatend?

Fleshagainstflesh But,littlebylittle,Iforget.

bloodagainstblood Fragmentsareerased,details.

IfIcouldnotforget.IfIcould

notremember.

Thousandsofreasonsto

forget

Thesamereasonsto

remember

1936-Thecityisabarricade,

atrapandaslaughterhouse

thisstrangehellwasourhome

Inthesoullesscity,aman

allowshimselftobekilled

beforehewillallowthem

tofindhisfamily.

Fleshagainstflesh That’stheworstpain.Theloss

bloodagainstblood ofone’sface,oftheshapeof

yourhand.Orforgettinga

turnofphraseor

thecurveofone’shandwriting

onpaper.

1937-Enclosedbythesea,

Ontheroad

theairplanesandthecannons

ofthearmoredshipswipeout

therefugees.

Fleshagainstflesh Thatface,thathand,thatvoice,

bloodagainstblood thatwriting,willneverlive

again.WhenIforgetit.There

willcomeotherfaces,other

voices,otherhands.Butmy

eyesdon’twishtoseethem

anylonger.

1939-Theearthisfulloffugitives,

ofdeserters.Butthedeathsquads

don’trest.

Fleshagainstflesh I’mchoking.There’snoone

bloodagainstblood besideme.I’malone.Alone.

Doyouhearme?

There’snoone. There’snoone.

1941-Mauthausen.Hellexists

onearth

Fire. Noone.Darkness.Nothing

Fire. else.Nooneelsewith

Fire. me.

Nooneandnothingexcept

therain.Andthefootsteps

ofthosewhoflee,thatso

longagohavebeenerased.

Ineedair.I’mchoking.

There’snoonebesideme.

I’malone.

Alone.Doyouhearme?

Andyourshadowdisappears

andI’malone.

Fire.

Fire.

Fire.

It’sraining.I’minthedark,

andontheothersideit’s

raining.Thewaterblursthe

viewoftheotherside.The

raindistortstheroad’sprofile,

filledwithmud.Andthesea

isdilutedintherain.

I’mlookingformyfather,I’m

lookingforJuanCerrada.

Thetimehaspassed.Now,

againI’mlookingforyou.

Withthemoonlightinmy

eyesandmylipsbrushing

upagainstthewater,Icall

younowasIcalledyoubefore.

Iwhisperyournamethreetimes.

JuanCerrada

JuanCerrada

JuanCerrada.

1936-1939

Mendieandnoonecan

stoptheearthfrom

embracingthem.

Inthedarknesslivethe Inthedarknesslivethe

ghostsofmysolitude. ghostsofmysolitude.

Iliveandthememories. Iliveandthememories.

2. THRESHOLD

(AnelderlymanandtheWOMAN.Inthepatioofaresthome,ManuelDueñassketchestherestofhis

lifewithpiecesofhispast.)

DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada?Who’sthat?

WOMAN:Istartoffonalongroadtowardknowingthelifeofmyfather.Iputquestionstoveteranswho

musthavemethim.Ininstitutionsfortheagedtheactofforgettingisallowedtodie.

DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada?

WOMAN:They’vetoldmethatyousurelymusthaveknownhim.JuanCerradawassomeoneveryclose

tome.IneedtoknowsomethingaboutJuanCerrada.

DUEÑAS:Haveyoubroughtmetobacco?

WOMAN:No,Ididn’tknowyousmoked,butIcanbringyousomethenexttimeIcome…

DUEÑAS:Whoareyou?

WOMAN:MynameisAnaLebrón…I’mlookingforJuanCerrada.

DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada.I’veknownsomanypeople.Somanyyearsago.Somanypeoplegoinginand

outofmylife….Whoareyou?

WOMAN:I’vealreadytoldyou.

DUEÑAS:You’vetoldme?Me?Whatisityouwant?

WOMAN:Myname isAnaLebrónand I’m looking foramannamed JuanCerrada. He fought for the

Republic,likeyou.

DUEÑAS:Don’traiseyourvoice.Youneverknowwho’slistening.

WOMAN:I’mnotspeakingloud.Andyoushouldn’tbeafraid.Thisisasafeplace.

DUEÑAS:Areyoucomingtobringmemedicine?I’mnotplanningtotakeit.

WOMAN:JuanCerrada.Remember,please.

DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada.You’rewrong.I’mnotJuanCerrada.

WOMAN:Youmethim.

DUEÑAS:When?

WOMAN:Afterthewar,inMauthausen.

DUEÑAS:Mauthausen.

WOMAN:Yes.JuanCerradawaswithyou,inMauthausen.

DUEÑAS:InMauthausenwewereabout8,000Spaniards.But5,000stayedthere,forever.

WOMAN:Iknowitwasveryhardtosurvivethere…

DUEÑAS:Doyouhavechickenbroth?

WOMAN:Sorry?

DUEÑAS:Tobacco.

WOMAN:No.

DUEÑAS:Weed?

WOMAN:Listentome.

DUEÑAS:Whywon’tyoujustleavemealonenow?I’mverytired.Givemethatshittymedicinenow,

andgetoutofhere.

WOMAN:Idon’thaveanymedicine. I’mnotanurse.Listentomecarefully. WhatI’mlookingforis

very importanttome… And Iknowyou’llbeabletohelpme. Doyouunderstand? Myname isAna

LebrónandI’mlookingforamannamedJuanCerrada.YoumethiminMauthausen.

Mauthausen.Iwanttoknowifthatman,ifJuanCerrada,whowaswithyouinMauthausen…

DUEÑAS:Mauthausen.InMauthausen…therewerekapos,andinformers.Youunderstandme?They

wereworsethantheNazis.

WOMAN:WasJuanCerradaoneofthem?

DUEÑAS:Cerrada?Juan?Goodkid.

WOMAN:Soyouknowhim?

DUEÑAS:Who?

WOMAN:Thisman,JuanCerrada.

(Shegiveshimaphoto.)

DUEÑAS:You’rethenursewhocomeswiththepictures.Areweplayingtodayaswell?WhatdoIhave

todowiththis?Tellme.Whatisityou’redoinghere?

WOMAN:Lookatthispictureclosely. Thisyoungman. I’mhisdaughter,Cerrada’sdaughter. Lookat

him.JuanCerrada.

DUEÑAS:Ididn’tknowJuanhadchildren.

3. FOOTSTEPSINTHERAIN

WOMAN:WhenIwaslittle,mymotherhidmyfather’sidentityfromme.AllIknewabouthimwashis

name,nothingelse.Myquestionscollidedwithhersilence.Attimes,withanger.Ionlyhadanameand

ablurryweddingphotothatIfoundhiddeninacloset.

WhenIgrewupIgotupthecouragetoshowherthephoto.Shetriedtograbitfromme,butwhenshe

failedsheactedlikeitmeantnothing.Iwasn’tfooledandIstoodthere,lookingathersilently.Thenshe

toldmeaghastlystoryabouthowshe’dcelebratedherweddingin1938,rightinthemiddleofthewar

andtheemptyspace,andhowthefollowingmorningafascistsquadcameformyfather,to‘takehimfor

alittlewalk’.Hisbodywasneverfound.That’sallshetoldme.Ibelieveshereallydidn’tknowanything

more.

JustaftershediedIgotaletterfromtheMinistryofForeignAffairs.Itwasacommuniquéfromthe

Germangovernment,addressedtothefamilyofJuanCerrada.Itwassomethingcompletelyunexpected.

Theyinformedmeofmyfather’simprisonmentinadeathcamp,inMauthausen.Likewiseabouthis

laterliberationthankstotheAmericans.Mauthausen.Anameinscribedwithhorrorinhistoryandin

everyone’smemory.That’showIfoundoutthatJuanCerradahadn’tdiedin1938,thatmyfathercould

stillbealivetoday.Itwasonlyapossibility,andaremoteoneatthat.ButIclungtoit.

***

(Anaandherboyfriend.Arelationshipthat’sabouttoend.Thebeginningofthesearch.)

ALBERTO:Haveyoupackedthesuitcasesyet?Yourticket,doyouhaveit?You’llhavetocheckthat

you’vegotitall.Youdon’twanttofindoutyouleftsomethinghereandhavetocomeback.

WOMAN:Please,don’tmakeascene.You’renotgoingtocausemeanypain.

ALBERTO:Youmeanthatthisisover.

WOMAN:Idon’tknowwhatI’mgoingtofind,andIdon’tknowhowI’mgoingtoreactatwhateverIdo

find.It’sbetterthatwehaveourfreedom.

ALBERTO:Ana,you’relookingforghosts,justghosts.

WOMAN:I’mnotlookingforanyghost.I’mlookingformyfather.

ALBERTO:Don’tkidyourself.Thingshavefollowedtheircourse.Timesparesnoone.Areyougoingto

throweverythingawayfornothing?

WOMAN:Alberto…

ALBERTO:Youwanttorunoffandleaveme.Andalltheseyearswe’veshared,andthechildyouwere

hopingwewouldhave,whataboutthat?Ithoughtitwaseverythingyouwantedinthisworld…

I’mtryingtolookatthingscoolly,but…Youhaven’tbeenyourselfforawholeyear.

WOMAN:Alberto,mymotherdiedayearago.

ALBERTO:Justrememberwhowastherebyyourside.Thenandalways.Ana.Weweremakingplans,

youandI.Forthefuture.Butit’sbeenawhilesinceyoustoppedtalkingtomeaboutalotofthings.

Wehaven’ttalkedaboutrealityforquiteawhile.Andnow,honestly,Idon’tknowwhatitisthatyou’re

lookingforinallofthis.

WOMAN:Ifyoudon’tbelieveme,thenthisrelationshiphasneverhadanymeaning,andit’snotworth

theeffortofcontinuing.

ALBERTO:Justtellmeonething:areyousureofwhatyou’reabouttodo?

WOMAN:Yes.

SoIbeganalongjourneytoreconstructmyfather’slife,beyondwhatlittleIknewfrommymother.

Beyondwhatsheneverlearned.Ibegantofollowhistrail,stepbystep,withfortyyearsbetweenus.

Files,documents,papers.Istartedcompilingthetestimonyofthosewhoareleft.Istartedcompilingthe

testimonyofthosewhowerestilllivingandmighthaveseenmyfather.Itwasn’teasy,andsometimesI

gaveitallupforlost.NooneknewJuanCerrada.

***

(ThelongjourneyoftheWOMAN.Herinvestigations.Registrymanagers,civilservants,apriest…)

MANAGER1:I’velookedthreetimesandthere’snoonebythatnametobefoundinanyregistry.

WOMAN:Nonetheless,hisbirthrecordhastoshowupsomeplace.

MANAGER1:Backinthosedaysthemostreliableregistriesweretheonesintheparishchurches.You’ll

havetoinquireatthearchbishopric.Ihopeyou’relucky.Asageneralrule,thepriestswerevery

discreetaboutthatsortofthing.Asageneralrule.Butattimesitwasn’tthatway.Alsokeepinmind

thatafterallthathappenedinthiscountry,allkindsofaccidentallossesoccurred.

WOMAN:Andthere’snootherwaytofindthisinformation?

MANAGER1:Theremightbe,butyou’renotgoingtofindithere.I’vedoneallIcantohelpyou.Next,

please?

***

WOMAN:Lookclosely.

MANAGER2:TherewasneveranyindividualnamedJuanCerradainthearmy.

WOMAN:I’mreferringtotheRepublicanarmy.

MANAGER2:I’vespentanhourporingoverthehistoricalfiles,becausethere’snomentionofhimin

theonesalreadydigitalizedeither.NotontheNationalistside,notontheRepublicanone.Therewas

noofficialorsoldiernamedJuanCerrada.

WOMAN:ButI’mabsolutelycertainhewasintheRepublicanarmy.

MANAGER2:Butatthetime,anyonecouldenlistintheUGTfaction,ortheCommunistParty,orthe

CNT.Justaswastrueontheotherside,wheremanychosetoenlistintheCarlistorfascisttroops,and

theydidn’tenlistinthestrictsenseoftheword.Quitesimply,theygrabbedarifleandimmediatelyhit

thefront.

WOMAN:Arethereregistriesforsomethinglikethis?

MANAGER2:Isupposeyoumeanforthereds,right?Theinformationwasn’tkeptinacentrallocation.

TheCommunistshelditunderthetable.Buttheothers,notatall.Anyway,witheverythingthatwent

onafterward,muchofitwaslostorburnedup.Thatgoesforbothsides.Andlateron,exile,purges,

andwitchhuntsdestroyedthelittlethatwasleftbehind.

***

WOMAN:Butamarriagecertificatehastoexist.

MANAGER3:Thecivilregistriesfromthattimeweredestroyed.

WOMAN:There’sgottobesomething.Anote,anything.Themorningafterthewedding,theymoved

toarresthim.Therehastobesomethinginprintrecordingthatpoliceorder.

MANAGER3:What’syourpurposeinfindingthisman?He’salmostsurelyburiedinsomecommon

grave.

WOMAN:Ifthat’sso,I’dliketoseehisdeathcertificate,andknowwherethegraveiswherehewas

buried.Ineedsomethingconcrete.IsheburiedinGermany?InSpain?

MANAGER3:Whatdoesitmatterwhereitis?What’sthesenseoftakingintoaccountsomeone’s

nationalityifhe’sinacommongrave?

WOMAN:Commongraveshavenonationality.Andtheexecutioners?Thevictims,obviouslytheyhave

nonationality.Theydon’thavethatrightoranyother.

MANAGER3:Forgetit,don’tgolookingforadeadman.Itwon’tdohimanygood.

WOMAN:I’mnotevenabsolutelycertainhe’sdead.WhichiswhyIneedsomeanswer.

MANAGER3:Miss,you’vewornoutmypatience.Please,Ibegyoutoleaveandletmework.

***

MANAGER4:Payattentiontome.GotoCapitanía.Maybethere’ssomethingthere.You’renotgoing

tofindmuchhere.

WOMAN:Theytoldmetheretheyhavenothing.Anywhere.

MANAGER4:Well,then…

WOMAN:It’sverystrangethatinSpainthere’snothingleft.ButI’vejustcomefromGermanyandthere

they’veprovidedmemoresolutionsthanhere.ArecordofadmittancetotheMauthausencamp.

MANAGER4:YousaythatthatmandiedinMauthausen?

WOMAN:Hedidn’tdiethere.Buthewentinasaprisoner.There’sanotherrecordinexistenceshowing

hewasfreedbytheAmericans.

MANAGER4:Soifyouhaveallthatinformation,whatareyoulookingforhere?

WOMAN:Iwanttolocatehim,intheeventhe’sstillalive.

MANAGER 4: I tell you again that youwon’t find anything here. What’s your purpose in looking for

informationaboutthisman?

WOMAN:Hewasmyfather.

MANAGER 4: You wantmy advice? Stop worrying somuch about the papers. Look in the veterans

groups.Anythingcouldhavehappened.Maybeyourfatherevenchangedhisidentityatsomepoint.

WOMAN:Butisthatpossible?Forhimtochangehisname?Andhisdocuments?Andhislife?

(Ahugenoiseisheardcomingfromabovethem.)

What’sthatnoise?Issomethinghappening?

MANAGER4:It’sraining.Italwayssoundsthatwaywhenitrains.

***

(It’sraining.

Just as it did in that fall of 1936. Amerciless rain, respecting neither day nor night. Neither life nor

death.

Acrueltimethat’smakingmenkilloneanother.

Voicesintherainintermingle.)

-Rain.

-Afinecurtainofrainwasfalling,awarm,springrain.

-Rainmixed intotheearth. Itwasformingpoolsofmud. Itwashardtomoveforwardwithsomuch

mud.

-Itwasfallingonmyface.Iremembered…

-Therainwasinhuman.Itwasfallingasthoughitwantedtoputanendtous.Fromtheforceofitsfall,

wewerethrowntotheground.

-Wewouldraiseourfacestothesky,andtellourselves,ifonlytherainwouldfall.Ifitwouldjuststart

torain.Then,theairplaneswouldn’tbeabletofly.Wewouldsigh,lookingupatthesky.Andfromfar

away,youcouldhearthethunderofthemotors.Wewouldruntotakeshelter,becausewhatwasgoing

tofallnowwasarainofbombs.

-Wehadnothingtosmoke.We’devenourtrytosmokeourrope.Buttherainsoakedourtinderboxes

andwecouldn’tgetalight.

-Theraincomplicatedeverything. It turnedthepossibilityofahidingplace intoan impossibility. The

rainmadethecitymoreuninhabitable.Thecitythathadturnedintoastrangeplace.Anybodywould

takeadvantageofthemostminorsliptoreportme.

-Haveyouseenthisman?Surelyyouknowhim.Haveyoueverseenhimaroundhere?

-It’dbebestifyoulefttochangeyourclothes.Andputonsomenewboots.Ifnot,youwon’tbeableto

walkmorethanafewsteps.

-Therainwouldfallonmyface.Iwasremembering.

-Above allwas thework, the fields needed our attention. The seasonswere passing. And over our

bodies,theyearswerepassingaswell.Thewarcreatedanewtime.

-Ican’tremember.Idon’tknowwhattherewasbefore.Therewasn’tanything.Whenthiswarisover,

ifIgobackhome,Idon’tknowwho’llbewaitingforme.Ifanyone’swaitingforme.

-Therainwouldn’tletussleep.Itpenetrated,righttothemarrow.Ourboneswereheavyladenwith

thewetcoldoftherain. Andthewaterworeawaythefacesofthecorpses,until itturnedtheminto

mud.

-It’sraining.JustthesameasitwasraininginSpaininthatfallof1936.Amercilessrainforacruelwar.

-It’srainingandtearsofrainerasemyface.It’sraining:pitilesslyblastingtheroofofthebarrackhut.

-Whenwillitstopraining?

-Come,takeshelterhere.You’regoingtofreeze.

-Whoareyou?

-Don’tyoutrustme?Iknowyou.

-Ihadneverseenyoubefore.

***

(It’sraining.

TheWOMANrunsunderneaththerain.

Sheknocksatthewindowforsomeonetoopenit,butisignored.

WOMAN:I’mlookingforamanandtheytoldmeyoumayknowwhereheis.HisnameisJuanCerrada.

Eventhoughyoumayknowhimbyanothername.He’sabout70yearsold.Idon’tknowanythingelse

abouthim.

MANAGER5:Yougotheretoolate.There’snobodyleftnow.

WOMAN:Where’severyonegone?

MANAGER5:Theoldfolkstakeoffearly.YouneedtocomeonMonday.It’sbetterthatyoutalkwith

them.Becauseaccordingtowhatyou’vesaidabouthim,hecouldbeanybody.Ifyouhavesomething

moresubstantial…

WOMAN:Moresubstantial?

MANAGER5:Aphoto,somei.d.Something.

WOMAN:Lookatthisphoto.Maybeyouknowhim.He’sanolderperson.Hecouldbeinhiding,living

apartfromeveryone.HemayhavetoldpeoplehetookpartintheCivilWar.Itcouldbethathehasn’t

saidanythingtoanyone.

MANAGER5:Pardonme,butIdon’thavemyglasses.It’sbetterifyoucomebackonMondayandtalk

withtheoldfolks.Asforme,thereisn’tmuchIcandotohelpyou.Wantacupofcoffee?Drinkitand

comebackMonday.I’vegottocloseupnow.

WOMAN:I’velookedinarchives,ininstitutions,incitiesandvillages.IwenttoGermanytoaskabouta

manwhomusthavearrivedfromSpainviaFrance.InSpainI’msearchingintherainforonemoreclue,

somethingtobringmeclosertotheenigmaofafatherwhoappearsanddisappears.

MANAGER6:But lady,you’regoingtogetsoaked. Don’tyouhaveaplacetostay? Grabahotel, it’s

almostnighttime.Andgoonwithyourquestionstomorrow,ifyouwant.Butnowyou’regoingtocatch

pneumonia.

WOMAN:Areyougoingtoopenthedoorformeornot?

MANAGER6:Ialreadytoldyouwe’reclosed.Ican’tattendtoyounow.

WOMAN:Youcan’tdothistome.

MANAGER6:Ifyoudon’thaveaplacetostay,Icantakeyoutothevillagepub.Theyrentroomsthere.

WOMAN:Idon’twantaroomorahoteloracupofcoffee.Ineedyoutoopenthedoorforme.Ineed

totalk. Tosearch. Ineedtofind. Idon’twanttosleep. Notyet. I’llsleeplateron. Openthedoor.

Please.

MANAGER6:But,whatdoyouwant?

WOMAN:I’mlookingforaman.HisnameisJuanCerrada.

4. DOUBT

WOMAN:I’vehadalongroadtocoverinordertogettoknowmyfather’slife,tolearnsomething

beyondwhatmymothertoldme.Beyondwhatsheeverlearned.Ibegantofollowhistrail,stepbystep,

withfiftyyearsbetweenus.Withthetestimonyofthosestillleft.Itwasn’teasy,andeverythingnow

seemedfornaught.NobodyknewJuanCerrada.

Focuscarefully.JuanCerrada.

DUEÑAS:Iknewmanypeople.Almosteveryone.Firstthroughthewar.Then,throughexileandthe

concentrationcamp.Lateron,throughtheresistanceandjail.Awholelot.Somanydead.Somuch

pain.Somuch.Almosteveryone.AndnowItrulyknowallwhoareleft.Time.Wedieoff.There

aren’tsomanyofusanymore.Someofthemyoucanseerighthere.Doyouseethem,underthat

tree?Orinthedininghall?

WOMAN:Really,youknowthemall?

DUEÑAS:Timeravagesmuchmorethanwar.Therearefewerofuseveryday.Age,sickness,death.All

ofuswhoareleft,everydaytherearefewerofus.EverydayIknowmore,everydaytherearefewerof

us.

WOMAN:Please,focusonthemaninthephoto.JuanCerrada.Thatwashisname.

DUEÑAS:What’sthatyousay?

WOMAN:Juan.JuanCerrada.

DUEÑAS:ThereweremanyJuansbackthen.Juaniswaytoocommonaname.

WOMAN:Butyouhavetoknowhim.Youtoldmetheotherday…

DUEÑAS:Idon’tneedforyoutorepeatit.Youjusttoldme.YouthinkI’moutofit?Givemethat

photo.Theotherday.WhythisisthefirsttimeI’veseenyou.You’reconfused.Imaynotbeableto

feelmylegs,butasfarasmymemory…Iholditallinhere.Irememberitall.Iwouldrememberyou

andthisphoto.

WOMAN:Dueñasknewmanyoftheveteranswhomusthavegoneintoexilewithhim.Buttimepasses

andageisadisloyalcompanion.Ihadtobepatient.Tositbytheman,whileherolledhiscigarettesand

thencrushedthemonthegroundwithouteverhavingsmokedthem.Tositbyhissidewhilehepicked

offnamesandfragmentsfromlivesthathadnowdisappeared.Andtohope,hopingthatfromthat

tangleofhismemorytheremightappearwhatIneededtohear.Manytimes,thememoriesweren’tat

allpleasant.TheroadtowardJuanCerradawastorturous,andfollowingitIcrossedoverintohell.

DUEÑAS:Ofcourse,Irememberhim.Cerrada,yes.Hewentintoexile,likesomanyothers.InFrance,

oncehecrossedtheborder,hewasarrestedinArgelès-sur-mer.ButIdidn’tmeethimuntilwesaw

eachotherinMauthausen.

WOMAN:JuanCerradareappearsinthewordsofManuelDueñas,whichconfirmthethreadbare

informationfromtheGermanarchives.MyfatherarrivedinMauthausen.Accordingtothearchives

fromthecamp’sliberation,hesurvived.

Thatgavemehope.Thatmaybemyfatherwasalive.Iwouldliketothinkitcouldhavebeenso.That

JuanCerradaleftthecamp,alive.ButaccordingtoDueñas,andtoeveryonewhoIlaterinterviewed,it

wasn’tthatway.

WOMAN:Dead?

DUEÑAS:Gusen.

WOMAN:Gusen.ThatwaspartofMauthausen.

DUEÑAS:Itwasonlytwomilesfromthere.Itwasoneofthefiftysub-campsofMauthausen.Theworst

ofthemall.

WOMAN:SoIhaveread.Fortheoneswhoendedupthere,acampguaranteeingtheirdeath.Areyou

sureJuanCerradadiedinGusen?

DUEÑAS:Isawhimridinginatruckheadedforthatplace.Thosewhowentinthereneverleft.Ifhehad

managedtoescape,ifthattruckhadneverarrivedthere,wewouldhaveheardaboutitandcelebrated.

WOMAN:So,myfatherisdead.

***

WOMAN:Asaresult,whenIresearchedmoreinGermany,wheretheyconfirmedmyfather’s

imprisonment,andwheretheycertifiedthathe’dsurvived,thathehadtobealive,myworldendedup

fallingapart.Theworstthingofallisdoubt,andlivingwithoutknowingforcertainwhathappened.I

startedtoreviewtheinterviewsalloveragain.Manytimes,Ire-interviewedthewitnesses,justincase

theremightbeashredofhope.Everyoneconfirmedagainthatmyfathercouldn’thavesurvivedunder

anycircumstance.

DUEÑAS:JuanCerrada?Idon’tknowhim.ShouldIknowhimfromsomewhere?Whydon’tyoupass

memymedication,miss?Andletmehaveasmoke,don’tbeakilljoy.Onelittlebuttwon’tkillme.

Nurse.Won’tyoudomeafavor?

***

WAITER:Cerrada.JuanCerrada.

WOMAN:Doyouknowhim?

WAITER:You’renotgoingtoorderanythingtodrink?

WOMAN:Ifyouputitthatway,aglassofwine.

WAITER:OfcourseIknowCerrada.Whyareyoulookingforhim?

WOMAN:I’mwritingastoryaboutformersoldiersintheCivilWar.

WAITER:Ididn’tknowJuanwassoimportantthatanyonewouldwanttointerviewhim.He’sagood

man.ButIdon’tseehimcomingoutonTVorspeakingoutinthepapers.

WOMAN:Hashetoldyouwhathedidinthewar?

WAITER:Ineverheardhimtalkaboutthewar.

WOMAN:Hashelivedherealongtime?

WAITER:Abouttenyears,moreorless.Wouldn’titbebetterifyouaskedhimyourself?

WOMAN:That’swhatIwant.Wheredoeshelive?

WAITER:Heliveshere.Ontheoutskirtsoftown.OntheMálaga-Motrilroad.Abitawayfrom

everything.Kindofhowheis.

WOMAN:Isiteasytogetthere?

WAITER:Doyouhaveacar?

WOMAN:No.Canyoutakeme?

WAITER:EvenbycarIwouldn’trecommendyougonow.Ifyouwant,Icangetyouclosetomorrow.I

havesomebusinesstotakecareofinthatarea.Butrightnowyoubetternot,it’stoolatetodo

anything.

***

WOMAN:I’veretracedthestepsofJuanCerradasincethemomentafascistsquadronstormedintohis

homeandgrabbedhimoutofhiswife’s,mymother’s,arms.I’vefollowedhimintoexileinFrance.I

followedhimonhisjourneytoMauthausen.Andfromthere,finally,toGusen.FromGusen,noonegot

out.

UptothispointthestepsofmysearchhaveledmeuptothismanwhoclaimstobenamedJuan

Cerrada.Ifmyfather’sdead,whoisthismanwhowantstoimpersonatehim,totakehisnameanduse

itforwhoknowswhatandtowhatend?

5. DARKNESS

OLDMAN:IsurvivedMauthausen.Iwaslockedupthere,togetherwithJews,Poles,withGermans.We

wereallundertheruthlessknifeoftheNazis.AndSpaniards,too.

YOUNGMAN:AmIalive?Whythisdarkness?Areyoustillalive?Ihearyourbreathing.Youarethere.

Talktome.TellmeifI’mstillliving.

OLDMAN:Thereisn’tanyone.I’mstillhere,alone.Alone!

YOUNGMAN:You’regoingtowakeeveryoneupwithyourshouting.Bequietorthey’llcomeforus.

OLDMAN:I’mstillshoutinginmydreams,everynightasthoughIwerestillthere,inMauthausen.I

keephearingthevoicesoftheothers.AlthoughthismaybeSpainandfortyyearsmayhavepassed

sincethen.

YOUNGMAN:There’salongroadthatendsinfrontofthiswindow.ButI’mstillclosedupinabarrack

atMauthausen.

OLDMAN:There’salongroadthatendshere.Infrontofthishuge,immensewindow,openedtothe

sea,closedbytheroad.

YOUNGMAN:Throughthatwindow,onlydarknessenters.Ineedlight.Light.It’sstartingtorain.

There’saletterinthemailbox.

OLDMAN:“I’maresearcherincontemporaryhistoryandmyfieldofstudyistheconsequencesofthe

CivilWaronthosewhosuffereddefeat.Iamcurrentlydevelopingadocumentaryprojectaboutwhat

occurredtothosewho,likeyou,experienceditallonthelosingside.I’mveryinterestedinarrangingan

interviewwithyouandlearningintheprocessaboutyourwarexperiences,aswellashowtheSpanish

andyouaswellsurvivedimprisonmentinaNaziconcentrationcamp.”

…theconsequencesoftheCivilWaronthosewhosuffereddefeat…

Incrediblestupidity…thosewhosuffereddefeat…

How’sshefoundme?Somuchtimehaspassed.IthoughtthatI’dneveragain….Thisletter…Itscares

me.Aftersomanyyears…Idon’tknowwhothatwomanis.What’ssheafter?

Ioughttothrowawaythesepapers,forgetaboutitall.ForthetimeIhaveleft,itmakesnosensetoget

moreinvolved.It’stimenowtorest.Toforget.

Shecan’tsuspectanything.Really,whatdidhappen?Nothing.WhatevildidIdo?None.Lether

come.I’llmeetwithheropenly.Lethercome,letherlook,letherseeandquestionme,shecango

overitall,ifshewants.Letherseethattheonlythingshe’llfindhereisanoldmanwithashorttime

lefttolive.

…veryinterestedinarranginganinterview……yourexperiencesinthewar……aNaziconcentration

camp…

YOUNGMAN:Inthebottomofawell.Ablackanddeepwell.It’sstrangeIcankeepbreathing,when

it’ssodeep,soblack.It’sstrangetwosuchdifferentpeoplecansharesomuch.IfIbreathe,you

breathe.IfImovemyhand,youmoveyours.Openthedoor.Ifyouweretoopenit,Iwouldopenit.If

youweretogoout,Iwouldgoout.Tothesunlight.Totherain.I’menclosedinyourenclosure.Iwant

togoout,Iwanttolive.

OLDMAN:Anoldmanfacingthisroad.

YOUNGMAN:I’mgoingtoopenthedoortothestreet.Openthedoor.

OLDMAN:I’veconcealedmyselffromtheworld.Andnow,oncemore,theworldisknockingatmy

door.Someone’sthreateningtoopenthatdoorandtheentireworldwillfollowbehind.

YOUNGMAN:Openit,wideopen.Doyouhearme?Youneedtoleavethewindowswideopen,sothat

theaircancomeinandthelightcanburnitallup.Yes.Youhearme.

OLDMAN:Noone’stalking.Idon’thearanything.

YOUNGMAN:I’mhere,withyou.

OLDMAN:There’snobodyhere.Nobody.Noone’scomein.Thedoorsareclosed.Thewindowsare

closed,andnobody’sgoingtoopenthem.

YOUNGMAN:Andontheroadyou’llseemenandwomen,childrenandoldpeople,fallingunderthe

weightofthemachinegunfire.That’swhatyoualwayssay.

OLDMAN:Noonecangetintothishouse.Idon’twantanyonecomingin.

YOUNGMAN:They’resimplyghosts.They’renotevenyourownghosts.Me,I’mhere.Evenifyou

ignoreme,I’malwayshere.

OLDMAN:Ican’tbreathe.I’mchoking.Ifeelafireinside.

YOUNGMAN:Fire.Thisroom,thechairyoucan’tgetoutof,theentirehouse,youandI.Afireinside.

No,nothing’sburning.

Yououghttosleepmoreatnight.Atyourage,youneedtotakecarebettercareofyourself,orlet

someonecareforyou.Theyearsgobyforeverybody.Letmegetyoudressed,likeachild.Nowaren’t

youbetter?Itisn’tgoodforsomeoneyouragetolivebyyourself.

OLDMAN:Letmedieinpeace.

YOUNGMAN:Youclingtolifelikeacurse.You’vealwayssurvived.You‘vegottenoutonyourowntwo

feet,notfromjustone,butvarioushells,soyou’renotgoingtodiesoeasilynow.

OLDMAN:Wehadn’tspokentooneanotherinalongtime.

YOUNGMAN:Youhadn’tthoughtaboutmeforalongtime.

OLDMAN:Don’tmakeamartyroutofme.

YOUNGMAN:Memorieshurt.Doyouhearthewind?

OLDMAN:Idon’thearanything.

YOUNGMAN:Thewind.It’showling.Doesitremindyouofanything?It’sraining.

OLDMAN:Therainhasmorepitythanyou.

Battle.

Afighttothedeathbetweentwopeoplewhoitseemsimpossiblecouldbelovers.

Itseemsimpossiblethattheycouldevenloveeachother.Theirbodiesintertwineinthebattle,andsex

joinsthematthesametimetheirwordsseparatethem.

ALBERTO:You’renotleavinghere.

WOMAN:Howareyougoingtostopme?

ALBERTO:I’lllockallthedoors.I’lltieyourhands.I’llblindfoldyou.

WOMAN:Letmego.

ALBERTO:It’syouwhowon’tseparateyourselffromme.

WOMAN:Inalittlewhileitwon’t…Letmego.Ineedyou.No.Letmego.

ALBERTO:Askmeagain.

WOMAN:Letmegonow.Letmegoatonce.

ALBERTO:Repeatitagain.

WOMAN:Bequiet.Justgoonlikethat.

(TheWOMANpullsherselfawayfromhim,violently.)

Ihavetogoawaynow.

ALBERTO:Ineverthoughtthismomentwouldcome.WhenIthoughtaboutit,Icouldn’timaginewhatI

couldpossiblysaytoyou.Now.WhatIwouldsaytoyounow:you’renotleavinghere.

WOMAN:Areyouthreateningme?

ALBERTO:Don’tcomenearme.Don’tdoit,ifyou’regoingtoabandonme.

WOMAN:SomedayI’llcomeback.

ALBERTO:So,ifyouleaveme,Idon’tknowifI’llwantyoubackbymyside.Don’tleave.

WOMAN:Ihavetodoit.

ALBERTO:Thisplacewhereyou’regoing,willyougetintouchwithmefromthere?

WOMAN:Idon’tknow.

ALBERTO:Doyoumeanit,thatyou’llcomeback?

WOMAN:Idon’tknow.

ALBERTO:CanIaskyousomething?

WOMAN:Yes.

ALBERTO:What’llyoudowhenyoufindyourghost?

WOMAN:Itisn’tanyghost.

ALBERTO:What’llyoudo?

WOMAN:Idon’tknow.

ALBERTO:It’sraining.Wouldn’titbebetterforyoutostayheretonight?

WOMAN:Soonerorlaterit’sgoingtohavetostopraining.

ALBERTO:It’sraining.Bringalongsomethingtoprotectyourself.

WOMAN:Idon’tthinkanumbrellawilldomuchgoodagainstthisdownpour.

ALBERTO:It’sraining.Don’tyourealize?It’sraining.

(TheWOMANentersthebedroom,carefully,withgreatcaution,measuringeachoneofhersteps.The

houseisalmostdark.Thefurnitureandobjectsareallclean.Itseemsuninhabited,buttheemptiness

quiversdisturbedbyanindefinitepresence.)

WOMAN:JuanCerrada?

I’mAnaLebrón.

We’darrangedtomeettoday.

IthoughtthatyouknewI’dbecomingnow.Ithoughtthatyou’dbeheretomeetme.

(TheWOMANbeginstogetnervous,andtodoubteverystepshetakes.)

ButIdon’tseeanyone.

(Silence.)

JuanCerrada?

IhopeI’vecomeatagoodtime.Iwouldn’twanttobotheryou.

(Indecision.Pause.)

Mr.Cerrada?

JuanCerrada?

Couldyoucomeout,please?

(TheWOMANtakesoutasmallagendabookfromherpurseandchecksit.Inasoftvoice.)

Thisistheaddress.MotrilRoad.Itcan’tbeanyotherhouse.

(Silence.TheWOMANwondersifsheshouldleave.Butshestays,waiting.)

Doyouhearme?

(Thewomanwaits.Thereisnoanswer.)

JuanCerrada?

(TheWomanwaitsamoment,andthenbeginstoleave,headingtowardthedoor.

Aclearingofthethroat.TheWOMANisstartled.)

Areyouthere?

Isityou?

Areyouplayingagamewithme?

(Silence.

Andsheraiseshervoice.)

Who’sthere?

(Fromacornerofthehouse,frombehindalargearmchair,hidinganyviewofitsoccupant,wehearthe

voiceoftheOLDMAN.Andobservehishand,extended,inadrygestureoftrustworthiness.)

OLDMAN:Don’tbeafraid.

(TheWOMANjumps.ShelookstowardwheretheOLDMANhasbeenseated.Butbetweenthecoverof

darknessandtheOLDMAN’splacement,shecan’tseeanything.)

WOMAN:It’syou.JuanCerrada.Finally,inmypresence.I’mgladtomeetupwithyou.

6. CITY

(Thewindandtheraintransportusbacktothepast.1936.Amanhideshisgaze.)

POLICEINSPECTOR:1936.Itwasagoodyearfornothing.Thewinterwasextremelycold.Thesummer

heat,stifling.Therain,whentherewasrain,fellintorrentialfashion.Andbeyondallofthis,that.The

Rebellion,orasotherscalledit,theUprising.Theendofeverything,orperhapstheopportunityfora

beginningoftoomanythings.Thatbroughtnotonlythewar,butwarswithinthewar.Itwasn’tonlya

battleagainstfascism,butaroadtowardthefuturewherewefacedoffagainsttoomany

counterrevolutions.1936wastheyearthatMadridbeganasiegethatwasgoingtolasttheentirewar.

In1936theymademethepeople’spoliceinspector.IhadtodothingsthatinothertimesIwouldhave

foundrepulsive.ButatthetimeIthoughtthatwhatIwasdoingwasjust.Oratleast,itwaswhatIhad

todoatthatmoment.Istillfeelthesame.

(ThePOLICEINSPECTORintimidatestheYOUNGMAN,holdingarifleathisback.)

Documentation.

YOUNGMAN:Ihaven’tdoneanything.

POLICEINSPECTOR:We’llleavethatforthePopularTribunaltodecide.Documentation.

YOUNGMAN:Ifyouleavemealone,Icanmakeitworthyourwhile.

POLICEINSPECTOR:I’vealreadytoldyou.Documentation.

YOUNGMAN:Please.

(ThePOLICEINSPECTORlaughs.)

POLICEINSPECTOR:Iknowyou.Don’tyouknowwhoIam?Youdon’trememberme.Lookatme

closely.I’mnotgoingtobite.Comeon,man,showalittlelife.

YOUNGMAN:Youmustbemistaken.

POLICEINSPECTOR:OfcourseI’mnotmistaken.Ofcourseweknowoneanother.Foryears.Wewere

neighbors…Weusedtoplaytogether.

YOUNGMAN:Wait,letmelookatyouclosely…

POLICEINSPECTOR:Youcan’trememberanything,Iknow.Wegrewup.Westoppedplaying,thenwe

stoppedtalkingtoeachother,andfinallyyouevenstoppedsayinghellowhenwe’dcrossthestreet.

Thesethingshappen.

YOUNGMAN:Iknowwhoyouare.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Givemeahug.

(TheYOUNGMANstepsforwardtimidlytohughim,butthePOLICEINSPECTORdoesn’tmoveaninch.

Helaughs.TheYOUNGMANreturnsawkwardlytohisplace.)

YOUNGMAN:Youlivedtwofloorsup.Irememberitwell.AndIrememberthatIdidsayhellobackto

you.Youcan’thaveforgotten.It’struethatwedidn’ttreateachotheraswehadaschildren.Butwe

kepttalkingwheneverweranintoeachother.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Youdon’thavetojustifyyourself.Therearethingsthathappen.Suchislife.And

politics.We’rehumanbeingsafterall.Itisthatway,don’tyouthink?

YOUNGMAN:Iwasalwaysonyourside,andwheneveryonesaidthingsaboutyouIwastheretodefend

you.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Ofcourse.I’mgladtofindyouhere.Iwaslookingforyou.Youalreadyknow.

YOUNGMAN:TellmewhatitisIhavetoknow.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Look,thiscanbehandledonewayortheother.Butitwouldbebestifyoudidn’t

resist.Don’tfightit.It’llgofasterandhurtyouless.

YOUNGMAN:Please,don’tdenounceme.Don’ttellanyoneyou’veseenme.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Youdon’tunderstand.Idon’tneedtotellanybodyanything.I’vefoundyou.If

youwant,we’lldispensewiththepleasantries.Documentation.

YOUNGMAN:Youcan’tdothistome.

POLICEINSPECTOR:We’velandedondifferentsidesofthelineoncemore.Butthistime,it’syourturn

toloseout.

YOUNGMAN:Isthisamatterofrevenge?

POLICEINSPECTOR:No.It’slife.

YOUNGMAN:IfIpayyou,wecouldmakeadeal.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Yourmoney’sworthnothinghere.

YOUNGMAN:Listentome.I’mnotsayingitformyself.Ihavechildren.Ifyoutakemeaway,ifthey’re

leftalone,youalreadyknowwhatcouldhappentothem.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Please,don’tmakethishardonyourself.Thesoonerwefinish,thebetteroffwe

bothare.

YOUNGMAN:But,mychildren…Theydon’thaveanyonetotakecareofthem.Theirmotherdied.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Somebodywilltakecareofthem.

YOUNGMAN:Inthiscitywehavenobodyleft.

POLICEINSPECTOR:Let’sgo.

YOUNGMAN:Letmetalkwiththemfirst.Please.

POLICEINSPECTOR:You’renotgoingtogetawayfromme.I’mgoingwithyou.

YOUNGMAN:Letmegobymyself.ThenI’llgowhereveryoutellme.Iswearit.

POLICEINSPECTOR:You’retheonlyonewe’reafter.We’rehuman,wedon’twipeoutfamilies.We

believeinthefuture.Inprogress.That’swhywedon’tdoanythingtothechildren.They’rethebricks

inourbuildingofanewlife,thefuture.Becausethepastnolongermatterstous,justthefuture.I’ll

accompanyyou,youcandowhatyouwanttodo,andthenyou’llcomewithme.

(TheWOMAN,totheOLDMAN.)

WOMAN:WhatI’maskingyouisnecessary.It’saboutjustice.Inmymindit’samoralobligationfor

anyone.RestoringthememoryofthosewhosufferedbecauseoftheCivilWar.

(TheYOUNGMAN,tosomeonewecan’tsee.)

YOUNGMAN:Ifyou’rethere,don’tdoanything.Don’tcomeoutfromwhereyouare.Don’tmove.

Don’tanswerme.Justlisten.It’sagame.It’sagameofhideandseek,andyoumustn’tbefound.I’ve

gottogoawaynow.Idon’tknowhowlongit’llbebeforeweseeeachotheragain.IknowI’llcome

backtoyou,butIdon’tknowifit’llbesoonoralongtimefromnow.Youmustn’tbescared.Youhave

tokeephiding,likewe’vedoneuptonow.You,Benito,havetolookforfood,likeweusedtodowhen

weweretogether.You’retheoldestchild,andyouneedtotakecareofthemlikeIdidallofyou.

IfIdon’tcomebackinthreedays,listenup,threedays,youmustgowithyourbrothersandsisterfrom

here,andmakeittoAravaca.GotoMoncloa,andfollowtheroadtogetthere.AskforUncleAndrés.

Youhavetofindhim.He’lltreatyouasifyouwerehisownchildren.Andyoumusttreathimasifhe

wereyourrealfather.Tellhimnothingaboutme.Forgetaboutme.IpromiseyouthatonedayI’ll

cometolookforyou.Andthen…

POLICEINSPECTOR:Let’sgo…

7. QUESTIONS

OLDMAN:Haveyoubeenherelong?

WOMAN:I’msorrytohaveawakenedyou.

OLDMAN:It’sIwhoshouldbeapologizing.Youhaven’thadmuchofawelcome,waitinghereforsucha

longtime.

WOMAN:Ijustgothere.

OLDMAN:Icanseeyou’vegottennervous,notfindinganyone.Afterthelongtripyou’vejustmade.

Quiteuncomfortable,no?Somucheffort,somuchtrouble,towhatend,Idon’tknow.Youshouldn’t

havetroubledyourself.

WOMAN:It’llbeworththetrouble,Iknow.

OLDMAN:Please,haveaseatifyou’dlike.There’sachairbehindyou.

(TheOLDMANpointswithoutgettingup.)

WOMAN:Thanks.

OLDMAN:Helpyourself.Thecupboard’sfull.There’sanherbliqueur.Butwiththisheatyoumight

wantsomethingmorerefreshing.Imadeapitcheroficetea.It’sprobablystillcold.

WOMAN:Thanks.I’llpourmyselfaglassofwater.

OLDMAN:Ihavecherries.Trythem,theretheyare,inabowlbesidethewater.

WOMAN:Veryappropriate.Thanksverymuch.They’redelicious.Verysweet.

OLDMAN:Thankthecherrytree.Therearethingsthatgobeyondourmostrationalexplanation,don’t

youthink?

WOMAN:Yes,it’sseemsquitestrange.

OLDMAN:Youseemtometobeaveryintelligentwoman.You’vemanagedtofindoutsomething

aboutme,andyou’vefiguredoutwhereIliveafterallthistime.

WOMAN:Whenoneinterviewsawitness,italwaysleadstoinformationaboutothers,althoughyou

havetobepatientaboutfindingit.What’sleftistoconnectonestorywithanotherone,onefactwith

another,andthereyouare.

OLDMAN:Ana,youdon’thaveanythingtodowiththepolice,doyou?

WOMAN:Ofcoursenot.There’snoconnectionatall.AndnaturallyI’mnotacopmyself,oranything

likeone.Thereareotherkindsofinvestigationsbesidesthepolicetype.

OLDMAN:You’verushedtogethere.Therearethingsthatcanberesolvedfromadistance,saving

yourselfthetrouble.Whatisityouwantfromme?

WOMAN:I’vebeenwithpeoplewhoknowyou.Andthey’vespokenagreatdealaboutyou.Everything

thathappenedtoyouisofinteresttome.ButIneedtoknowitfirsthand.Awholelotofdetailsneedto

beconfirmed.Iknowhowimportantacollaborationwithyouwouldbetomyproject.

OLDMAN:Why?

WOMAN:YousurvivedaGermanconcentrationcamp.Mauthausen.

(Silence)

Afterwards,youdaredtoreturntoSpaininthemiddleofthepostwarera,intheroughesttimeperiod

oftheFrancoregime.Youshowedincredibleaudacity.

OLDMAN:Really,Iseethatyouknowalotaboutme.

(Amomentoftensesilence,whichtheOLDMANbreaksbyclearinghisthroat.)

WOMAN:Thebestthingwouldbetogetstartednow,beforeit’stoolate.

OLDMAN:It’sbeenaharddayforme.Please,let’sdropit.

WOMAN:Iwon’ttakemuchofyourtime.

OLDMAN:I’msorry.

WOMAN:Ifyoucouldoffermejustanhour.It’lltakeabitofeffort,Irealize.ButIwillbeasdelicateas

possible.

(TheOLDMANgetsupwithgreatdifficultyfromhiscorner,withoutshowinganysignoffollowingthe

conversation.TheWOMANtakesabusinesscardandanenvelopeoutofherpurse.Sheoffersthemto

theOLDMAN.Buthewavesheroff.)

Look!

OLDMAN:Whatdoyouwanttoshowme?

WOMAN:ThisismyresearchcardfromtheNationalLibrary.Andinthisletterofintroductionyou’llfind

thateverythingI’vetoldyouistrue.

(TheWOMANhandsittohim,buttheOLDMAN,withagestureofrebuff,stopsherbeforeshecanget

near.)

OLDMAN:I’mnotinterested.

WOMAN:Butyoucanseetheuniversitystamp.

(Atensepause.TheWOMANputsawayherthingsinthepurse.Sheclosesit.ShelooksattheOLD

MAN.)

Callme,please,atthenumberonthecard.YoucanverifyeverythingI’mtellingyou.

OLDMAN:Ihavenoreasontocallorspeakwithanyone.

WOMAN:Mr.Cerrada,I’maskingyoutograntmethisinterview.

OLDMAN:Don’tpressthematter.

WOMAN:I’mnotleavinghere.Therearemanypeopleforwhomyourstorywouldbeofgreatuse.You

oweittothem.

OLDMAN:Iowewhattowhom?Don’tmakemelaugh.

WOMAN:IbelieveinwhatI’mdoing.Ibelievethatit’snecessary.Thataftersomanyyearsofsilence,

youhavetogivevoicetothoselikeyou,who’velivedunderrepression.Peoplewhothroughthewar

havebeenforcedintoexile,intootherwarsandevenintothehorrorsoftheNazis.Likeyou.

OLDMAN:Thewoundsneverheal.It’sbetternottoreopenwhat’spastandforgotten.

(TheWOMANsmiles.)

WOMAN:We’reinSeptemberof1983.FreedomhascomebacktoSpain.There’saconstitution,

politicalparties.Peoplecanthink,read,andwritewhatevertheywish,theycantalkfreelyinthe

streets,withoutfeelinglikethey’rebeingwatched.It’stimetoremember.Withoutfear.

OLDMAN:I’mnotasyoungasyou.Seventyyears,almostseventyyearsold.Icouldbeyourfather.

FromwhatIhear,thingsaren’tasclearoutthereasyousay.Terroristattacks,policeriots,fascist

groupsleadingassaultsinthestreets.Andacoup.

WOMAN:Intimeallofthatwillpass.They’resimpletremors,tempertantrumsthatmeannothingnow.

Theattemptedmilitarycoupmeantnothing.Thesocialists,justafewmonthslater,wontheelections.

OLDMAN:Areyouasocialist?

WOMAN:No.

OLDMAN:Youcouldn’tbeananarchist?

WOMAN:Anarchismisathingofthepast.

OLDMAN:So,communist.Therearestillsomeofthemleft,toomanyofthem.

(TheWOMANhesitatesbriefly,observingtheOLDMAN’sdisdainfultone.)

WOMAN:No.Idon’tbelongtoanyparty.TheonlycardIcarryistheoneyousawbefore,fromthe

NationalLibrary.

OLDMAN:I’dliketoknowwhatitisyou’rereallyafter.

(TheOLDMANtalkstohimself.)

Toomanyyearshavepassed.Spainhaschanged.Europe,thewholeworld.I’malmostnotofthis

world.EverythingthatI’velivedhasdied.SometimeagoIstoppedaskingmyselfquestions.Theonly

thingIhopeistobeleftalone.

(TheOLDMANandtheYOUNGMANspeak.)

Therewasnoneedformetorespondtoherletter.Therewasnoneedformetoallowherintomy

house.

YOUNGMAN:Takeadeepbreath.Ifyouwant,Icangetyousomethingtodrink.Youcoulduseit.

OLDMAN:Youcan’tgivemeanythingtomakemefeelwell.Youcan’tgivemeanything.Ishouldn’tbe

talkingtoyounow.Ican’tmakeoutyourface.Whynot?

YOUNGMAN:Irememberhowweusedtotalkaboutcertainthings…Aboutcherries.Doyou

remember?

OLDMAN:Iremembereverything.

YOUNGMAN:Everything?

OLDMAN:Yes.

YOUNGMAN:Idon’tthinkyoucanremembereverything.

OLDMAN:Iremember,it’singrainedinmyhead.Thebarracks,thepathfullofmud.Thehungerand

thefatigue.Thequarry.Thecorpses.Theovens.Theash.Theash.Ican’tmakeoutyourface.This

road.Doyouremembertheroad?

YOUNGMAN:Ican’trememberit.

OLDMAN:Igetupeverydayandseeit.Itmakesmeincrediblyexhausted.Tothinkthatrighthere,so

longago,everythinghappenedthathappened.

YOUNGMAN:Anemptyroad.

OLDMAN:Thousandsofrefugees,fleeing.

YOUNGMAN:Askythat’salwaysblue.

OLDMAN:Cloudedoverbyasquadronofairplanesflyingflushwiththeground.

YOUNGMAN:Theseasplashingtheroad.Thewaves,withtheirpurring.

OLDMAN:Andtheshoutsofthechildren,andthemothersraisingtheirhandsagainsttheskyandthe

sea,andtheoldpeoplefallingsilently.

YOUNGMAN:Anemptyroadfacingthesea.

OLDMAN:Myearswornoutfromtheboomofthemortarshellsstrikingfromthesea,shotfromthe

warships.

YOUNGMAN:Calmyourself.Youmustn’tgetsonervous.Tomorrowisanotherday.

(TheYOUNGMANapproachesfrombehindtheOLDMAN’schair,andkisseshimonthehead.)

8. FACE

(TheOLDMAN,silentinthedarkness.Thewomanlooksathim.)

OLDMAN:Whatareyoulookingat?

(TheWOMANlowershergaze.TheOLDMAN’sfacehasbeendeformedbydeepandclosedwoundsfor

quitesometime.)

WOMAN:Yourface.It’scompletelydisfigured.Whathappenedtoyou?

OLDMAN:Doesthatinterestyouaswell?

WOMAN:Sorry.Ididn’tmeantoupsetyou.

OLDMAN:Itdoesn’tupsetme.Nordoesithurtme.Therecouldbeworsethings.Atrafficaccident,

abouttwentyyearsago.Acar,onawetroad,andacurve.HowIlostmyfamily,mywifeandmyson.

WOMAN:Thefamilyyouhadatthetimeofthewar?

OLDMAN:HowdoyouknowIhadanyfamilyatthetimeofthewar?

WOMAN:Iassumeditthroughotherpeople’sstatements,fromyourownwords…

OLDMAN:Ihaven’taskedyouforanyexplanations.NordoIlikeyouaskingthemofme.

Iwasmarriedduringthewar,butmywifedidn’tsurvive.WhenIwentbacktolookforher,she’d

alreadydied.Later,Imanagedtoremakemylife.AlongtimeaftergoingbacktoSpain,Imetawoman

andmarried.Igotmarried.IfIhadn’tdoneit,thataccidentwouldn’thavehappenedandshewould

stillbealive.

WOMAN:YougotmarriedafterreturningfromGermany.

OLDMAN:I’vealreadytoldyouthis.Quiteawhileafterreturningfromthewar.Whenasufficient

periodoftimehadpassedtothinkthatIcouldstartover.IthoughtIcouldbehappyatlast.But

happinessseemsinsufficientforme.

WOMAN:Youendedupwithyourfacemarkedforever.

OLDMAN:WhatdoIcareaboutthat?Inthataccident…there,backthen,Ikilledmywifeandson.I

wasdrivingand…Idon’tknowwhathappenedtome.

WOMAN:Pardonme.I’mverysorryforyou.

OLDMAN:Idon’tlikepeoplepityingme.WhichiswhyIavoidpeopleseeingme.Don’tlookatme.

Please.

WOMAN:I’mnot.

OLDMAN:Iwouldgivemyrighthand,myarm,I’dgivemyentirelife,tobeabletogobackandstopthat

accidentfromhappening.

WOMAN:Accidents.Theyhappenunexpectedly.Youcan’tavoidthem.Ifyoucould,theywouldn’t

happen.

OLDMAN:IfIcould,Iassureyou…IfIcouldgoback.

WOMAN:Iunderstandyou.Ifonecouldonlygoback.There’salwayssomethingforsomeonetoregret,

youknow?Butthingshappenandthere’snowayofgoingback.

OLDMAN:Iwishthatmywifewereherewithme,alive.Thatmysoncouldhavehadthelifethathe

couldn’tenjoy.Hewaseleven.AndIwasdriving,andIthoughtIwasincontrol,but…

WOMAN:Itwasanaccident.Sowhydoyouworrysomuchaboutit?Nothingcanbedonenow.

OLDMAN:Shediscoveredeverything.

WOMAN:Whatareyoutalkingabout?

OLDMAN:Shefounditallout.She’ddiscoveredthatmyentirestorywasafarce.Myname,mypast,

andeveryoneofmywords.Andshefeltthatherownlifewasadeception,contaminatedbymylies.

Thatherownson,ourson,wastheproductofalie.

WOMAN:Weallhidesomething,right?

OLDMAN:Enough.Enough!

WOMAN:What’shappeningtoyou?

OLDMAN:Leavemealone.

(TheWOMANconfrontshim.)

WOMAN:Youagreedinalettertotalktome.

OLDMAN:Ididn’tdoit.Itwasyouwhosaidyouwerecoming,withoutwaitingformyresponseandany

kindofauthorization.InevergaveyouanycausetothinkI’dagreedtoaninterview.

(Afterabriefpauseandahardmomentofindecision,shespeaks.)

WOMAN:Youlivedthroughawar,andapparentlyfoughtfortheRepublic.Forfreedom.

OLDMAN:Wheredidyoureachthatconclusion?

WOMAN:FrombeinginMauthausen…

OLDMAN:IntheCivilWaryoufoughtwhereverluckbroughtyouandtheyputarifleinyourhands,and

they’dtellyou,‘pointthere,that’syourenemy’.

WOMAN:Butintheenditwasyourlucktosufferthefateofthelosers.

OLDMAN:Inawartherearenowinnersandlosers.Everybody’saloser.

WOMAN:That’swhyIbelieveyouhaveanobligationtotalk.You’reobligatedbecauseofallyou

suffered.

OLDMAN:Ilivedthroughitall,andIsufferedthroughitall.WhichiswhyIfeelnoobligationtodoas

yousay.

WOMAN:Icannotbelievethatthat’syourfinalword.

OLDMAN:I’mgoingtocallsothattheycanpickyouupandbringyoubacktotown.

9. LONELINESS

WOMAN:Iimaginemymother.Agirlinthemiddleofthewar.Ayoungster,almostalittlegirl,likeso

manyothers.Iimagineaveryyoungwoman,alone,whoseboyfriendhaslefthertogotothefront.I

imagineherinherhome,uselesslycountingthedaysleftuntilherweddingday.Gazingoutthewindow

andlookingoverthehorizon,listeningforfootstepsthataren’tapproaching.Iimagineheropeningher

closetandcaringforherweddingdress.

(Thepast.TheYOUNGMANwiththeWOMAN,whonowplaystheroleofWIFE.)

WIFE:1938.Wariseverywhere.Ineveryregion,ineverycity.Inthetown.Inthecountryside.

Everythingiswar,allSpaniardsfeelthey’reatwaragainstsomething.

YOUNGMAN:Iwasonlythinkingaboutsurvival.Iwasadeserter,fleeingallfronts.Ididn’twantto

belongtoanyside.Thewarhadnothingtodowithme.Ionlywantedtolive.

WIFE:Comehere.You’llbesafe,don’tbeafraid.It’stakenyousolongtocomeback.

YOUNGMAN:DoIknowyou?

WIFE:YouknowIdon’tlikejokingaround.I’myourgirl,yourfiancée.AndtomorrowI’llbeyourwife.

You’vecome.Noonebelievedme.Theylaughedatme,asthoughIweresomepoorlunatic.For

trustingthatyou’dcomebackforourweddingday.Onthedayyoupromisedmeyou’dcomeback.No

oneexpectedyou’dreturnonmyaccount.Noone.ButIdid,I’vewaitedforyou,becauseaboveallI

knewyouweregoingtocomeback.Shh.Bequiet.Noonehastohearthis.Ihaveeverythingready.

Theguests,thechurch,thereception.Eventhedance.Ihaveyouhere,nexttome.

YOUNGMAN:I’mhere,nexttoyou,butIdon’tunderstandwhatyou’retellingme.

WIFE:Comeonin.It’scoldandyou’resoaked.

YOUNGMAN:Therain.

WIFE:Itwon’traintomorrow.Takeoffyourclothesoryou’llcatchcold.Ihavesomethingofmy

brother’sthat’lldoforyou.

YOUNGMAN:Yourbrother?He’shere,withyou?

WIFE:Whatareyousaying?He’satthefront,likealltheyoungmen.Buttomorrowhe’llcomebackfor

thewedding,withalltheotherguests.

OLDMAN:Thewedding.

YOUNGMAN:Thewedding.

WIFE:Ofcourse,thewedding.Theweddingwesetpreciselyfortomorrow,fiveyearsagonow.

OLDMAN:Thewedding.

WIFE:We’llbemarried.We’llforgetthere’sawargoingon,thatthere’sanotherworld.We’llbe

married.

YOUNGMAN:We’llbemarried,youandI,andIwon’tgoawayfromhereanymore.What’syourname?

WIFE:Silly.Don’tteaseme.

OLDMAN:Ilikehearingyousayyourname.

WIFE:You’reafool.

OLDMAN:Sayitforme.Comeon,sayit,please.

WIFE:Margarita.

OLDMAN:Margarita.

YOUNGMAN:Margarita,we’llbemarried,youandI.

OLDMAN:We’llbemarried,youandI.

WIFE:We’llbemarried,youandI.We’llcelebrateandwe’llkissinfrontofalltheguests.Then,we’ll

dance.Andeveryonewilldancewithus.Butlittlebylittle,they’llbeleaving.AndyouandIwillbeleft

alone.Atnight,underthestars,you’lltakemeinyourarmsandhugme.Andwe’llgoinsidethehouse.

Inthemorning,they’llknockatthedoor,andevenifyourefusetoopenitup,they’llforceitopenand

comelookingforyou.They’llaskaboutyourname.

YOUNGMAN:Whatname?

WIFE:Yourname,thenameyouused,togetmarried,thenamebywhichIcallyou.JuanCerrada.

OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.

YOUNGMAN:That’snotmyname.

WIFE:Thatisyourname.ThatisyournameandI’llcryandshoutitoutwithpainwhentheytakeyou

away.ThatisyournameandI’llrepeatitallmylife.I’llcryforyournamewhentheyearsgobyandyou

haven’tcomeback.

YOUNGMAN:Ifit’sgoingtohappenthatway,itwouldbebestformetoleave.

OLDMAN:No.

WIFE:No.Ifyoudo,theonesoutsidewillseizeyouandtakeyouawaynow.Here,inmyarms,youhave

arefuge.Intheearlymorning,youcantrytorun,atthefirstlightofday.ButIknowyou’llbeentangled

betweenthesheetsandthedaywillcome.Andthatthey’llhavefoundoutaboutourweddingand

they’llcomeforyou.Andthey’llbreakthedoordown,andthey’llfindyouhere,withyourheadrested

againstmybreasts.Andthey’lltakeyouawayandleavemewithabrokenheart.BecauseonedayI

stolefromthewarthemanIlove,andthenextdaythewarwillsnatchhimfrommeforever.

(Thetownpub.Anhourtooearlyortoolate.Nooneisaround,andperhapstheWaiterwantstoclose

upandleave.)

WAITER:I’veseenyoueverynight,foralmostaweek,eversincethatdayyoushowedupfortheold

man,JuanCerrada.Youorderabeer,Iserveitandafterawhileyouaskforaginandtonic.Iserveitto

youthewayIknowyoulikeit,withalittleiceandtwoslicesoflemon,andthat’sthewayyoupassthe

timebeforeyouheadupstairstoyourroom.You’vebeenherenowfortoolong.Withouttalkingto

anybody.Withoutmixingwithanyoftheregulars.Youcometothebar,youeatyourmealseparate

fromtherest,youdrinkwithouttoastingwithanybody.Areservedwoman.

Doyouneedmetogetyousomethingelse?

WOMAN:Areyoutalkingtome?

WAITER:It’soddtoseeawomanlikeyouinthisplace,inthemiddleofnowhere.Didyoufindwhatyou

wereafter?

WOMAN:Idon’tneedtoexplaintoanyonewhatI’mdoing.

WAITER:I’mnotaskingforanexplanation.I’mjustcuriousaboutyou.Ifyoudon’tfeellikeanswering

me,that’sfine.How’sitgoingwithCerrada?

WOMAN:Cerrada.ThatmanwhosayshisnameisCerrada.Ithoughtheheldthekeytosomethingvery

importanttome.MaybeI’mwrong,maybeI’vegotitallwrong.

WAITER:Nothing’smoreimportantthantakingcareofyourself.Maybeyou’renotshowingenough

concernforyourself.

WOMAN:Isupposeyou’reright.Afriendofminetoldmesomethingsimilar.

WAITER:InjustaminuteI’mgoingtocloseup.

WOMAN:It’sstillearly.

WAITER:Buttherearen’tanycustomers.

WOMAN:I’mhere.

WAITER:Yes.

WOMAN:CanIhaveonelastround?

WAITER:Idon’tthinkthat’sagoodidea.

WOMAN:IstheresomewhereelseIcangetsomethingtodrink?

WAITER:Intownthere’snothing.You’llhavetograbacarandheadtothecity.It’sahalfhourfrom

here.

WOMAN:It’llbetoolatethen.BythetimeIgetthere,Iwon’tfeellikehavinganything.

WAITER:That’syourproblem.

WOMAN:Itseemslikeyoudon’tcaremuchforme.

WAITER:It’sjustthatIhavetocloseup.

WOMAN:Ineedtotalktosomebody.

WAITER:It’salwaysgoodtotalk.

WOMAN:TodayI’veseen…Somethingthat’shardformetoforget.Aheadwithoutaface.Aheadwith

twoholeswherethenoseandmouthshouldbe.Withoneeyethatlookslikeitwasyankedoutand

tossedontowhatwasleftofthatface.

WAITER:Soundslikeanightmarethewayyouputit.

WOMAN:Itwasveryreal.Andthestrangepartisthatitdidn’tmakemefeelintheleastrepulsed.It

waslikeseeinganyotherface.

WAITER:Thefaceisthemirrorofthesoul.Sotheysay.

WOMAN:Theysayalotofstupidthings.Ifyoulookatmyface,whatcouldyousayaboutmysoul?

WAITER:Wouldyoulikethatlastround?

WOMAN:Thanks.

WAITER:Ihopetheydon’tclosedownmybarbecauseofthis.Whatareyoulookingat?

WOMAN:CanItouchyourface?

WAITER:Ifyouwant,let’sendthisandtakeawalkalongthebeach.

WOMAN:Themorningafterhiswedding,theycamelookingformyfather.Theydidn’taskhimhisreal

name,thefascistssimplygrabbedhimbyhisarmsandtookhimfromhishouse.Hiswifeclungtohim

andwasdraggeddownthepathbehindthem,untiltheyclockedherwiththerifleandlefther

abandonedinthemiddleofnowhere.

Theycrossedtown,pushingandshovingmyfather,bringinghimlikethatrightuptotheriver.That’s

wherethepeopleonhissidewereaccustomedtobringingthosewhotheytookoutontheir‘littlewalks.’

Theonesontheotherside,whenthefrontwouldchange,wouldtypicallyfinishtheirown‘littlewalks’at

themine.Themanshouldhavebeenfinishedoffrightthereattheriver.Thefollowingday,mymother,

hiswidow,searchedupanddowntheriver.Shedidn’tfindanything.Nothingwaseverfound.Noone

foundhisbody.NothingelsewaseverheardofJuanCerrada.

10. THOSEWHOARELEFT

(TheWOMANwiththeOLDMAN.)

OLDMAN:Hereagain?Yetanotherday?Ididn’tthinkyou’dbeback.Youarestubborn,really

pigheaded.Hasanyoneevertoldyouthat?

WOMAN:Allthetime,Mr.Cerrada.ButIalreadytoldyouthatthereareverygoodreasonsbehindmy

pushingthis.

(Hesitating.Perhapsit’shardforhertospeakagain.Butit’salsohardtokeepsilent.)

I’mtellingyouagain,thisisn’tanythingtrivial.It’snecessary.It’smorethanfair.Forme,it’san

obligation.TorecoverthememoryofthosewhosufferedbecauseoftheCivilWar.

OLDMAN:Torecoverthememory.Don’ttellmewe’regoingtoopenuptombsnow.What’spastis

past.Liveyourlife,andstoprecoveringthememoryofpeopleyoudon’tknow.

WOMAN:It’sthememoryofanentirecountry.That’swhatneedstobedugup.That’swhyIwon’tgo

awayfromheresoeasily.

OLDMAN:Whydoyouwanttoforcemetodowhatyouwant?Tobesilentisalsoaright.

WOMAN:Ineedyoutocollaboratewithme.Thefactsandaccountsofsurvivorslikeyouarereally

valuable,verymuchso.Andeverydaythatgoesby,they’regoingtobehardertoretrieve.That’swhy

I’mfeelingdesperate,sinceitseemslikeI’mrunningintoawallofsilence.Ifpeoplelikeyourselfwould

testify,itmightbecriticalintearingitdown.Ifyouspokeup,maybemanywouldfollowyourexample.

OLDMAN:Attimes,silenceisthebestchoice.Andthat’swhatIchoose.Tobesilent.

WOMAN:Ifyouaresilent,ifeveryoneissilent,ifthissilencegoeson,verysooneverythingthatyouand

otherslikeyouhavelivedthroughwillbelost.Apartofourhistorywillbelost.

OLDMAN:You’retalkingabouthistory,incapitalletters?Abunchofdocumentsthatnobodyreads.

WOMAN:Buteverythingyou’vesuffered,everythingthat’sbeenforgotten,allthedisregardofthe

defeated…

OLDMAN:Afteracivilwarthereareonlylosers,andwhichsideyou’vebeenonhardlymattersany

more.Haven’tIsaidthistoyoualready?Becausewhat’sforgottenisbestforgotten.Andyou,dothey

payyouwelltodowhatyoudo?

WOMAN:Idon’thaveanycontract,Idrawnosalaryofanykind.Atall.

OLDMAN:Sowhydoyoupersistsoinallthis?

WOMAN:It’saresearchproject.Withnootherbenefit.IfonedayImanagetofinishit,maybeit’ll

interestsomeeditor,andI’llpublishitallasabook.ButI’mnothopingtoearnanymoney,letaloneget

famousfromit.

OLDMAN:Whatareyouplanningtocallthebook?

WOMAN:ThoseWhoAreLeft.

OLDMAN:ThoseWhoAreLeft.Abitmacabre.ThoseWhoAreLeft.

Idon’tbelieveawordaboutyourbookstory.What’sreallypushingyou?Tellmethetruth.Ifyouwant

metoansweryourquestions,you’regoingtohavetoanswerminefirst.

WOMAN:I’vealreadytoldyou.Ibelievethat…

OLDMAN:Ibelieve,Ibelieve.You’renotgoingtotellmeit’sallaquestionofbelievingornot.

WOMAN:IfIdidn’tbelieveallofthis,Iwouldn’tbehere.

OLDMAN:Wetendtobelieveinalotofthings.Butfewofthemcompelustodocrazythingslikewhat

you’vedone.

WOMAN:PerhapsallI’mdoingisforthesakeofoneperson.

OLDMAN:Who?

WOMAN:Maybe…you.

OLDMAN:Me?

WOMAN:It’sawayforyoutorecoverfromlifeasmuchaslife’sstolenawayfromyou.

OLDMAN:Me?

WOMAN:Youandallthosewholostthewar…

OLDMAN:OK,I’veheardenough.Whenevereverything’sconveyedinprettyphrases,Icanalwaysbe

certainthere’ssomethingelseconcealedbeneaththem.Somethingmoreconcrete.Moredirect.What

isityou’reafterhere?Whatisityoureallywantfromme?Answerme.

(AmomentofvacillationfortheWOMAN,whodoesn’tdaretolookattheOLDMAN.

WOMAN:Myfather.

OLDMAN:Whathappenedtoyourfather?

WOMAN:MyfatherdisappearedinthemiddleoftheCivilWar.

OLDMAN:That’swhatyou’rereallyafter,findingyourfather?

WOMAN:Idon’tthinkmyfather’sgoingtoappear,ever.Allsignsarethathedied.Butevenso,alittle

doubtremains.Ihavetoexploreittotheend.Ineedtobecompletelysurethatthat’swhathappened

tohim.

(TheOLDMANlooksather.TheWOMANdoesn’tsayanything.Silenceweighsonthem.)

OLDMAN:Youshouldn’thavecome.

(Amomentoftensesilence,whichtheOLDMANbreaksbyclearinghisthroat.)

WOMAN:Please.I’mbeggingyou.

OLDMAN:No.

(TheOLDMANshowsnosignofplanningtocontinuetheconversation.TheWOMANkeepsstaringat

him.)

(TheYOUNGMANintervenesbetweenthetwo.)

YOUNGMAN:Hey,you.Areyoustillalive?Comeon,tellmethatI’maliveandit’sworthgoingonwith

this.

OLDMAN:Wherearewe?

YOUNGMAN:Youmakemelaugh.Where?Youtellme.We’restillhere,facinganemptyroad.What’s

happeningtoyounow?

OLDMAN:Idon’tlikethemlookingatmeasthoughtheywerejudgingme.

YOUNGMAN:Iwasn’tlookingatyou.

OLDMAN:Ididn’tmeanyou.It’sher.

YOUNGMAN:Her?Youmustbedelirious.

OLDMAN:Ifeel…hatredforthatwoman.She’spacingaroundlikeatigeronthevergeofclawingits

prey.I’vehadit.MaybeIoughttorestalittle.MaybeIoughttosleep.

(TheOLDMANsleeps.)

YOUNGMAN:1939.Amanfleesfromhispastandhisfuture.Fromthewarthat’sfloodedhiscountry.

Fromthecityundersiegewheresavinghisskinhasmeantlosingeverything.Fromthewomanwho

openeduphislifewithoutknowingit.Hedoesn’twishtorememberanything,andherenounceshis

nameandhisface.Butfleeingfromhimselfleaveshimprisonerofanotherman’snameandanother

man’sfate.1943.AtraincrossesEuropewithaloadofdeportedSpaniards.Theirdestinationis

Mauthausen.

(Mauthausen.TheOLDMANsleepsandinhisdreamshecriesout.TheYOUNGMANapproacheshim.)

YOUNGMAN:Hey,wakeup.AreweinGermany?Mauthausen?

OLDMAN:What’shappening?Isitthehead-countalready?

YOUNGMAN:Thehead-count?It’sgottobetwoo’clockinthemorning.AreweinMauthausen?Is

thattrue?

OLDMAN:Two.Andatfivewehavetoalreadybestanding.Spanish,right?

YOUNGMAN:Yes.Wearrivedyesterday.

OLDMAN:We’reinMauthausen.We’reinGermany.

YOUNGMAN:Youcryoutlikeacondemnedmanandyoudon’tletanyonesleep.

OLDMAN:Doyouhaveanythingtoeat?

YOUNGMAN:Takethis.Idon’twantit.

OLDMAN:Youdon’twantit?You’recrazy.Whatareyouplanningtoliveon?

YOUNGMAN:Notonthat.

OLDMAN:Afteryou’vebeenhereafewmoredays,you’lleatwhateverthereis.

YOUNGMAN:Itsmellslikeshithere.

OLDMAN:It’snotonlyshit.Everynighthalfadozendie.

YOUNGMAN:Dead?Murdered?Dotheycomeinthebarrackhutsatnight?

OLDMAN:Theguardscomeinwhenevertheyfuckingfeellikeit.Butthosewhodie,theydiefrom

beingworndown,fromexhaustion,fromstarvation.Fromfearofliving.Fromanything,everything,

andnothing.ThisisMauthausen.

YOUNGMAN:They’vestuckusforaweekonafreighttrain.Likeanimals,andlikeanimalsthey’vehad

uscloseduptheentiretrip,withoutopeningthedoorsupforanybody.Youcouldn’tevenmoveor

breathe.Peopledideverythingstandingup.Butthatwastheleastofit.Ifyoufelldown,youdidn’tget

up.Theweakest,thosewho’dfall,woulddiecrushedbytheothers.Andtheretheystayed,underneath

us,rottingwhiletherestofthelivingsteppedontopofthem.

OLDMAN:Whatyou’retellingwe’veallbeenthroughit.Butthat’snothing,justthebeginning.

YOUNGMAN:You’renotSpanish.

OLDMAN:No.I’mGerman.

YOUNGMAN:YouspeakSpanishprettywell.Justnowyouweredreamingandgoingbackandforth

withoutanyproblembetweenGermanandSpanish.

OLDMAN:IknowSpain.Ilikeyourcountry.

YOUNGMAN:I’mfromMálaga.YouknowMálaga,don’tyou?Youweretalkingaboutitinyour

dreams.That’swhatmademenoticeyou.What’saGermandoinginMálaga?What’saGermandoing

here?

OLDMAN:Thesameaseverybody.

YOUNGMAN:You’renotaJew.

OLDMAN:No.NotaGypsy,orahomosexual.OraHungarian,oranything.

YOUNGMAN:Communist.

OLDMAN:Armydeserter.AreyouaCommunist?

YOUNGMAN:No,I’mnot.

OLDMAN:I’mnoteither.I’mjustaprisoner,likeanyother.Askanyoftheseguysaboutme.You’llfind

Idon’tgetanyspecialtreatmentoranything.TheNazisandIdon’tgetalong.Idon’tknowhowI’mstill

alive.Butevenifyoudon’ttrustme,takeyourbread.You’llneeditinordertomakeittothequarry

tomorrow.

YOUNGMAN:Thequarry?

OLDMAN:Youwantsomeadvice?Whenyou’rethere,don’tstop,butdon’twearyourselfouteither.

Alwaysletthemseeyouactive,butdon’tworkyourselfintotheground.Ifnot,inafewweeksyou’rea

deadman.

YOUNGMAN:Listen,isthereanywaytogetoutofhere?

OLDMAN:Doyouseethosechimneys?

YOUNGMAN:They’vealreadytoldmeaboutthechimneys.

OLDMAN:Well,we’reallgoingtogetoutthroughthem.

YOUNGMAN:Everyone,youandI,too.Ornotyou?

OLDMAN:Ifmycryingoutbothersyou,don’tworry.You’llgetusedtoit.Beforelong,you’llbecrying

outinyourdreams,too.It’stwointhemorning.Gotosleep.

11. HELL’SDOOR

(TheWOMANcornerstheOLDMAN.)

OLDMAN:Mybody’snolongerthesameasthatyoungman’swholivedthroughthewar.Thatyoung

manwhostayedinthepast,that’sthepersonyou’reinterestedin,notme.

(TheWOMANremovesfromherpurseasmallpocketrecorder,whichsheconnects.)

WOMAN:It’satoolofthetrade.Alittletaperecorder.Don’tworry.Nothingthatwediscusswillbe

usedwithoutyourpermission.Name.

OLDMAN:What?

WOMAN:AnswerwhateverIaskyou,nomatterhowobviousitmayseem.Let’sbeginwithapieceof

personaldata.Yourname,please.

OLDMAN:JuanCerradaMartín.

WOMAN:Age.

OLDMAN:Iwasbornin1915.ThethirteenthofSeptember,soprettysoon,I’llturn68yearsold.

(TheWOMANrewinds,pushingtheplaybackkey.Thesoundoftherewinderisheard.And,inametallic

andunpleasantway,wecanhearthevoiceoftheOLDMAN.)

JuanCerradaMartín…September,soprettysoon…

(Returningtothepointwhereshestopped,theWOMANbeginstorecordagain.)

WOMAN:TellmeabouttheendoftheCivilWar.Whathappenedthen?

OLDMAN:Areyoubackrecording?

(TheWOMANgesturesaffirmatively.)

Well…Franco’stroopswereadvancing…Theywerepushingusback…AndmanyofusleftforFrance.

Whenwecrossedtheborder,wedidn’tthinkaboutgoingback.Everythinghadended,atleastforus.

Wethoughtitcouldn’tgetanyworse.Thatwewereinafreecountryandoutofthewar.Butthe

Frenchdidn’tplayclean.Theypiledusupintointernmentcamps,andtheyputinasourguards

Senegalesesoldiers,whodidn’tunderstandanySpanish,andnobodydidathingtounderstandus.And

ifwethoughttheytreateduslikedogs?Well.Theworstwasyettocome.

WOMAN:Mauthausen.

OLDMAN:Mauthausen.I’malwaysgoingbacktoMauthausen.Mauthausen.Therewasnomercy

there.

Backthennoonegotany.NottheStalinists,nottheTrotskyists,nottheAnarchists,nottheFascists,to

saynothingofthebourgeoisie,whomanytimestookadvantageofthesituationfortheirowngood.But

theNazisdidsomethingworsethantherest.Theyturnedthelackofmercyintoareligion.

WOMAN:YousurviveMauthausen.Howdoyoumanageit?DidyoumeetmanySpaniardsthere?Tell

meaboutit.

OLDMAN:I’vehadfortyyearsofthisandIstillfeelasthoughI’mwithinthewallsandwirefencesof…

thatplace.Theymadeusworkinaquarry,ahellhole.

YOUNGMAN:…aquarry,ahellhole.

OLDMAN:Rocksofupto130pounds,wehadtoliftthemupa160foothighwall,gettingbeatenby

officialsandkapos.FromtheheightoftheclifftheSSwouldtossdownintotheholeanybodywho

couldn’tgoon.Parachutes,that’swhattheycalledthem.Ifthepoordevildidn’tdieatfirst,they

repeatedtheoperation.

YOUNGMAN:…gettingbeatenbytheofficialsandbosses.

OLDMAN:Whenyousleepinabarrackhut,asI’vedone,infrontofthecrematorium,andallnightlong

youseeflamesburninginthechimney,hopeceasestohaveanymeaning.

YOUNGMAN:…allnightlong…

WOMAN:From1943…

OLDMAN:Through1945…

WOMAN:WhentheAmericansliberatethecamp.YoureturnthentoatotalitarianSpainthathadn’tyet

comeoutofaclimateofconfrontation.AndinSpainyoumanagetoavoidjailtime.

OLDMAN:Itwasn’tsoeasy.Iwasdetainedandinterrogated.Mycasewentthroughakangaroocourt,

wherethesentencewasdecidedinadvance.Iwasgoingtobesenttoprison,butImanagedtoescape.

Fromthen,Ibecameafugitive.

WOMAN:Evenso,duringtheworsttimeofFrancoistSpain,afterbeingconvictedandputonawanted

list,yousurvivewithyourname.Asthougheveryonehadforgottenaboutyou.

OLDMAN:Ifwhatyou’reaskingishowitwasIdidn’tgotojail,Irecognizeit,Ineverdid.Igotlucky.I

gotaccustomedtobeingontherunandnotstayinginthesameplacemorethanafewmonths.But

theycouldhavearrestedmeatanypoint.

WOMAN:Atthattimeanyinvestigationwouldguaranteeajailsentence.Twentyeightthousanddeath

sentenceswererecordedinthetenyearsfollowingtheendofthewar.Someelevatethatfiguretoup

to200,000.

OLDMAN:Winners,losers.You’vepreparedyourselfverywellwiththosefigures.Butyouseemto

refusetounderstandanything.

WOMAN:WhathappenedtothefamilyyouleftbehindinSpain?

(Silence.)

DidyoumeetupwiththemagainwhenyouwentbacktoSpain?

OLDMAN:No.MywifediedbeforeIreturnedtoSpain.

WOMAN:Youdidn’thaveanychildren?

OLDMAN:No.

WOMAN:Howandwhendidyoulearnofherdeath?Itmusthavebeenagreatblow,Iwouldthink.

OLDMAN:DoIhavetotalkaboutthis,too?

WOMAN:Justanswerme,please.

OLDMAN:ItwasinFrance,beforeIwasarrestedbytheVichypolice.Igotthenewsofherdeathin

Spain.

WOMAN:Didyouattempttoverifyitlater,whenyouwentback?

(Silence.TheOLDMANappearsuncomfortable.)

OLDMAN:Assoonasitwaspossibleforme.

Whatthewarcouldn’tdotomethehungerandsicknessmanaged.Andthepain.Afterourwedding

theycametolookformetotakeme‘outforalittlewalk.’Imanagedtoescape,butshewasleftalone,

andthepressureshehadtohavetoleratedwashorrible.

(TheOLDMANisquietforamoment.)

WOMAN:Tellmethatstory.Theywereonthevergeofkillingyouhalfwaythroughthewar.

OLDMAN:Thingswerethatwayinthosetimes.Theredmilitiaswouldcomealong,andthey’dhave

theirpurges.Then,thefrontwouldchange,andthefascistsquadswouldcomealong,andtheypurged

whateverremained.

What’sthematterwithyou?

(TheOLDMANhasrealizedthattheWOMANisworkedup,juststiflinganervousattack.)

What’sthematterwithyou?

WOMAN:It’snothing.Justalittledizziness.

(Thelightisturnedoff.)

OLDMAN:Wecanleavethisforanothertime.Ithinkit’sforthebest.

(InMauthausen,thetwomen.)

Hey,Spaniard.What’shappeningtoyounow?Areyousick?Wecan’tletthathappen.Getup.Itmay

beplaytimeforyou,butyou’reputtingallofusindanger.

YOUNGMAN:It’sjustalittledizziness.

OLDMAN:Thatmeansyou’rehungry.Look,keepthishere,foremergencieslikethisone.Onceyou

gavemeapieceofbread.Takeitnow,andeat.We’reeven.Eatevenifyoufeellikeyou’regoingto

pukeitallup.Ifyoustarttoweakennow,you’readeadmanandtheotherswillpayforit.You’vegot

togetupnow.Ifyoustaylikethis,we’reallscrewed.IneverseeyoutalkingtotheotherSpaniards.

YOUNGMAN:Leavemealone.I’mtired.

OLDMAN:Ifyouwanttodie,waituntilwegetouttothequarry.Outthereyoucan’tbringusany

trouble.Don’tyouknowwhereyou’veendedup?

YOUNGMAN:Inacamp,obviously.I’vealreadybeeninothers.InthesouthofFrance,andthenin

Alsace.

OLDMAN:Lookaliveanddon’tgotosleep.They’regoingtogettothehead-countnow.Thisisn’ta

campliketheothersyouknow.

YOUNGMAN:Gofuckyourselfandleavemealone!

OLDMAN:You’regoingtogetupnowandheadstraighttothehead-count.

YOUNGMAN:AndifIdon’t,areyougoingtokillmeorwhat?

OLDMAN:I’mnotgoingtokillyou.HansandFranzarejustdyingtopoundtheshitoutofaSpaniard

likeyou,though.Let’sgo.Wakethefuckup.

YOUNGMAN:Isn’tthereanywaytogetoutofhere?

OLDMAN:Besidesthroughthechimneys?

YOUNGMAN:Idon’tseethehumoroftalkingnowaboutthechimneys.Therehastobesomewayto

getoutofhere.

OLDMAN:Endure.Don’tdie.Beluckyandhopethattheykeeplosingthewar.ThattheAlliesshowup

andliberateusbeforethen.That’swhatwecando.Wait,endure,survive.

YOUNGMAN:Waitforamiracle.

OLDMAN:Amiracle,yes.Theysaythefrontisgettingcloser.Nowit’sbestnottothinkaboutescaping,

andjustendure.

YOUNGMAN:Youcan’ttellmenoonehastriedtoescape.

OLDMAN:Ofcoursemanyhavetried.Haven’tItoldyouaboutGellert,thebig-nosedHungarian?A

goodguy.Theytried,heandafewotherguys.Theyofferedmethechancetogowiththem.Ihelped

them,Iwishedthemgoodluck…butIstayedbehind.Theycapturedthemwhenthey’djustclimbed

overthefirstwalls.

YOUNGMAN:And?

OLDMAN:Theystrungthemupinthemiddleofthecamp.Wewouldpassunderneaththem,everyday.

Theywerehangedthereuntiltheirbodiesrottedandthendriedup.We’dpassunderneaththem,and

wormswouldfallonourfaces.Oneguystartedtowhistleatune.Littlebylittle,wewereallwhistlingit

whentheymadeuspassunderneaththem.Listen.

(TheOldManwhistles.)

YOUNGMAN:Honestly,youdon’tintendtogetoutofthishell?Ibelieveyouknowhowtoescape.

OLDMAN:Whyareyousosure?

YOUNGMAN:Becauseifyou’retalkingtomenow,it’sbecauseyouwantsomethingfromme.Andthe

onlythingyoucangetoutofsomeonelikemeisformetohelpyourunaway.

OLDMAN:I’veseenthemshootsomeonedownjustforhidingaspooninhisclothes.Nobodygetsout

ofhere.Onlythroughthere.Nightandmist.Smoke,ash.Nothing.

YOUNGMAN:There’snotrapyetinventedthatcanholdme.AndIthinkyoufeelthesame.

(TheYOUNGMANwhistlesthesong.)

12. MASKS

(Silence.TheWOMANcomposesherself.)

WOMAN:Yourwife,yourfirstwife,hernamewasMargaritaLebrón.

OLDMAN:Yes.That’sright.

WOMAN:MargaritaLebrón.MarriedtoJuanCerradaonFebruary2,1938.

OLDMAN:That’sright.

WOMAN:Onthemorningfollowingthewedding,asquadroncarriedoffJuanCerrada,andMargarita

Lebrónwasleftalone.Butshedidn’tdie,notinthewarandnotlateroninthepostwar.

OLDMAN:Whatisityou’resaying?

WOMAN:MargaritaLebróndiedonlythreeyearsago.Allthistimeshewasalive.DidyouknowJuan

Cerradahadadaughter?

OLDMAN:Adaughter?

WOMAN:No,ofcourseyoudon’tknowanything.Despiteyoursayingyousearchedalloverforher.

OLDMAN:You’retalkingaboutmywife.Don’tyourealize?Aboutmywife.Whatareyoudrivingat?

Don’ttoywithme.

(TheWOMANturnstowheretheOLDMANishidden.Shecornershim.)

WOMAN:AnyoneyoucouldhaveinquiredwithinBarreradeSolíswouldhavebeenabletotellyou

whathappenedtoher.Youdidn’tmakeanyefforttofindher.

OLDMAN:Whatisthis?Atrap?Whatdoyouwantfromme?

WOMAN:JuanCerrada.

OLDMAN:Yes.

WOMAN:It’sanamethatsoundsnice.Really,isthatyourname?

OLDMAN:JuanCerradaMartín.Thatismyname,andyouknowit.

WOMAN:I’dlikeforyoutosayittome.YoutellmethatyoureallyareJuanCerrada.

OLDMAN:But…

WOMAN:You’renotJuanCerrada.Youdidn’tmarryMargaritaLebrón.Idon’tbelieveyouevercameto

fightintheCivilWaronanyside.

(InMauthausen.)

YOUNGMAN:German.

OLDMAN:What,Spaniard?

YOUNGMAN:TodaytheytookFrançoisawaytothequarry.Theyrippedhimtopieces.

OLDMAN:Youcan’tdoanythingforhimanymore.Tomorrowtheycouldcomeforyouorme.For

whomthebelltolls,ittolls,period.Solongasitdoesn’taffectyou,you’vegottogoon,alwaysgoon.

Whereveryoucan.That’sit.

YOUNGMAN:Thisisallfucked.We’renotgettingoutofherealive.

OLDMAN:Thinkingaboutwhatyouleftbehindthereontheoutside,aren’tyou?Don’tdoit.Don’t

thinkaboutcherriesoranythingofthatsort.

YOUNGMAN:Youtellmehowwe’regoingtoescapefromhere.Iwon’tstandanothersecondmorein

thispit.

OLDMAN:Don’tthinkaboutescapingfromhere.

YOUNGMAN:Ican’tavoidit.Ineedtothinkthatwe’regoingtogetoutofhere.

OLDMAN:It’sbesttoforgetthatthere’ssomethingouttherebeyondthesewalls.

YOUNGMAN:Ican’t.

OLDMAN:Thatwoman.She’stheoneyoutalktomeabouteverynight.Theoneyouatecherrieswith.

What’shername?

YOUNGMAN:Margarita.

OLDMAN:Gretchen.

YOUNGMAN:Margarita.Don’tgetitallconfusedwithyourlanguage.

OLDMAN:Margarita.Tellmewhatshe’slike.

YOUNGMAN:Veryyoung.Backthenshemustnothavebeenmuchmorethan18.Butinwartimegirls

seemmucholder.

OLDMAN:Buttellmethegoodstuff.Didshehaveanicerack?

YOUNGMAN:Hey,Kraut.You’retalkingaboutmywife.Mywife.

OLDMAN:Youmarriedher?Younevertoldmethat.

YOUNGMAN:Yes,Imarriedher.Withapriestandguests.Thewholebigproduction.Duringthewar.

WhenwhatIneededtothinkaboutwasescapingandhidingout,Imeetastrangerandmarryher.

OLDMAN:Aweddingonthelargeside,duringthewar.HowyouSpanishare.Youmusthavehaditall

wellprepared.

YOUNGMAN:No.ItellyouIdidn’tknowthegirl.IgottoBarrera,hertown,lookingforawayout.She

musthavemixedmeupwithsomeoneelse.Ormaybeshewassimplydesperate…And…Igotmarried

toherthenextday.Itwasshewhohaditallpreparedinadvance,asthoughsheknewIwasgoingto

gettherethatday.Asthoughshe’dbeenwaitingforme.

OLDMAN:Shehaditallpreparedandshewasonlymissingthegroom.Yougotthereandeverything

wasarranged.Nowshehadhergroom,nowshehadherwedding.

YOUNGMAN:Shewaswaitingforme,that’sright.

OLDMAN:Butyoudidn’tknowherbeforehand.

YOUNGMAN:No.I’dneverbeentothattownbefore.

OLDMAN:So,ifit’sreallylikeyousay,youonlysharedafewdayswithher.

YOUNGMAN:Threedays…Thedayaftertheweddingtheycameforme.Idon’tknowhowtheyfound

me.

OLDMAN:Yougotmarriedwithoutknowingherandonlyspentonenightwithher?

YOUNGMAN:Imetheroneday,gotmarriedtoherthenext,andgotarrestedthedayafterthat,and

hereIam.AndnowIwanttogetoutofhereandgoback.

OLDMAN:Andshe’sstillthere?

YOUNGMAN:She’sstillthere.

OLDMAN:Andyouwanttoescapeinordertogetbacktoher.Oristheresomethingelse?Ihope

you’renothidingsomethingunpleasantfromme.Ifyoukeepsecretsfromme,it’sgoingtobehardfor

ustoplanourescape.Youunderstand?

YOUNGMAN:Tellmeyourplan.

OLDMAN:Ihaven’ttoldyouIwasgoingtoescape.Andleastofallwithyou.Listen,isyournamereally

JuanCerrada?

(TheWOMANcornerstheOLDMAN.)

WOMAN:You’renotJuanCerrada.You’reanimposter.

(Mauthausen.)

OLDMAN:Whyareyouconcealingyournamefromme?Istheresomethingunpleasantinyourpast,

thatevenawarorahelllikethiscan’tmanagetoerase?WhoisthatJuanCerradareally?

YOUNGMAN:IamwhoIam.Myself.

OLDMAN:Yououghttobecarefulwithyouryelling.

YOUNGMAN:Yelling?

OLDMAN:Atnight,youhowllikealunatic,andattimesyouscreamthatyou’renotJuanCerrada.That

youhaven’tfoughtinthewaronanyside.Thatyou’renotliketheothershere.Thattheyoughttoset

youloose,thatit’sallbeenaterriblemisunderstanding.BecarefulwiththeNazis.Theywon’tputup

witharegistryerror.Andtheyhaveahardandfastwayofeliminatingerrorslikethese.

YOUNGMAN:They’vetoldmeaboutyou.AboutwhenyouwereinSpain.Aboutwhatyouweredoing

there.

OLDMAN:Whatisitthey’vetoldyou?

YOUNGMAN:ThatindeedyouknowMálagawell.Thatyoukickedupabigfussthereamongstthe

Queipogroup,theItalians,andyourowncrew,theNazis.Abigjointaction.Andnow,letmesleep.

OLDMAN:Getup,yousonofabitch.I’mnoNazi.Youhearme,Spaniard?Forrefusingtoobeymy

superiorofficers,IlandedinMauthausen.WithJews,Poles,withotherGermans.AndSpaniardslike

you.Herewe’reallundertheruthlessknifeoftheSS.

(TheWOMANclosesinontheOLDMAN.)

WOMAN:You’renotJuanCerrada.You’reanimposter.

OLDMAN:I’mgoingtocallthepolice.

WOMAN:It’snotinyourinteresttocallanyone,andyouknowitwell.IspokewithMargaritaLebrón.

Shetoldmeherhusbandhaddiedinthewar,shortlyaftermarrying.Asquadronoffascistsassaulted

herhousetotakehimfor‘alittlewalk.’

OLDMAN:Turnthatoff,please.

WOMAN:Ican’tfigureoutwhatitwasyoureallydidinthepast.Ican’tfigureoutwhoyoureallyare.

ButIdoknowI’msureyou’relyingandthatyourlifehasalwaysbeenafarce.

OLDMAN:Turnoffthatdevice.

WOMAN:Youlieandyouhideout.YoulieandlivealiethatI’mnotgoingtotolerateanymore.Juan

CerradadiedinMauthausen,inGusen.

(InMauthausen.Bachisplaying:TheMagnificat.)

YOUNGMAN:What’sthatmusic?

OLDMAN:Badnews.

YOUNGMAN:Opera?Idon’tknowhowanyonecanlikethismusic…AlthoughI’msureyoulikeit.

OLDMAN:Itisn’topera.It’sBach.TheMagnificat.That’showtheirarmiescelebrateavictory.When

youhearBach,it’sbecauseit’sgoingwellforthem.Andtheylayitonthickforussothatwefindout.

We’renotmenanylonger.They’veturnedusintothings.AndtheyuseBachtomockus.

YOUNGMAN:So,eachtimethatthisplays,we’vegotitworse.

OLDMAN:Bachisplaying.Don’tyougetit?Bachplaysandtheovensworkovertime.Itrainsash

aroundtheclockandtheBachchoralesareraisedoverourbones.Theashgetsstuckinyoureyesand

theyprofaneBachinsideyourhead.

YOUNGMAN:Butthefront’sgettingcloser,that’safact.AndtheAlliesaren’tpullingback.

OLDMAN:Itmaybethey’resurroundingus.Thefrontadvancesbyanotherdirection,andwe’releft

heretrapped,intherearguard.AndthetrainsarrivefullofmoreandmoreHungarianJews,andthe

ovensworkovertime.They’vegottocompletealltheirworkbeforetheAlliesarrive,andBachkeeps

playing.

YOUNGMAN:Let’sescape.

(Ontheroad.)

OLDMAN:Whoareyoutocomeinthisfashiontomyhome?Idon’tknowyouatallandIdon’tknow

whyyou’veshownupheretointimidateme,Idon’tevenknowwithwhatpurpose.Ifyouhave

somethingtoaccusemeof,denounceme.Whoorwhat’sbehindallofthis?

WOMAN:I’mtheoneaskingthequestions.

OLDMAN:You’rethreateningme.

WOMAN:Doyoustillrefusetorecognizethetruth?

OLDMAN:HowamIgoingtoadmitsuchanabsurdstory?IknowverywellwhoIam.It’snotgoingto

beworthanythingforyoutothreatenmewiththattaperecorder.

(TheWOMANturnsofftherecorderandmovestowardwheretheOLDMANisseated.TheOLDMAN

getsup,quickly,turninghisbacktoher.)

WOMAN:Ihavegoodreasonsfornotleavingyoualone.

OLDMAN:Whatdoyouwant?Money?ToturnmeovertosomeZionistgroup?Isthatit?

(TheWOMANpaysnoattention.Sheturnsofftherecorder.Andsheresponds,calmly.)

WOMAN:JuanCerradawasmyfather.Youstolehisnamefromhim.

OLDMAN:Yourfather.

WOMAN:You’restealingmyfatherfromme.TheonlythingthatIprobablyhadleftofhim.Therightto

mournhim.

OLDMAN:That’sabsurd.

(TheWOMANrushestowardtheOLDMAN.)

WOMAN:Howcanyoubesuchahypocrite?

(TheWOMANcan’tcontrolherself,andshethrowsherhandsontheOLDMAN.He,withgreatdifficulty,

holdsthemback.)

OLDMAN:You’rehurtingme,agreatdeal.

WOMAN:Youthinkyoucangoonlying?

OLDMAN:Idon’tknowyouatall.Youmustbemistaken.Everything’samisunderstanding.

WOMAN:I’mnotmistaken.Ican’tbemistaken.

(TheWOMANstops,theOLDMANseeksshelter,coveringhisfacebehindhisarms.TheOLDMANlooks

ather.TheWOMANturnsherbackonhim.)

Whenthewarended,backinhertown,theyalmostkilledmymother.Theydidn’tdoit,buttheymade

suretoruinherlife.Theycroppedherhair,theystrippedhernakedintherain,theybeather.Themen

wouldinsultherandspitather,whilethewomenandchildrenthrewmudandmanureather.Women

whopreviouslywereherfriends,andwho’devenbeenherbridesmaids.Theyhumiliatedherand

mockedher.Allofthem.Afterthat,sheclosedherselfupinherhome,butitwasimpossibletogoon

likethat.Shefoundshehadtogetawayforever,tothecapital.Ifyoureallyhadaskedanyoneabout

MargaritaLebróninBarrera,anybodycouldhavetoldyouthisstoryandwheretofindher.

OLDMAN:It’sahardstory.Sad.ButIfinditrepugnantthatyoucomeheretothrowitinmyface.

Whereareyouplanningtogowithyourmanipulation?

WOMAN:DidyoupersonallyknowJuanCerrada,myfather?

(TheOLDMANdoesn’tanswer.)

Answer.

OLDMAN:Idon’tknowwhoyourfatheris.IamJuanCerrada,andI’veknownnothingaboutyouuntil

today.

WOMAN:Whatdoyousayisyourname?

OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.

WOMAN:Don’ttrytodeceivemeanyfurther.Youarenotwhoyousayyouare.Whyhaveyoubeen

passingasmyfather?

(TheOLDMANsways.)

OLDMAN:IamJuanCerrada.IamJuanCerrada.I…IamJuanCerrada.Thecherries.Wewouldtalk

aboutthecherries.Abouttheirflavor,sweetandsouratthesametime.There,inMauthausen,where

everythingwasgrayandyellow,wewouldtalkaboutthecherries,abouttheirredcolor;inthemiddleof

ourdesperation,wewouldimaginetheirflavor.

(InMauthausen.)

OLDMAN:Cherries?

YOUNGMAN:Sweetandsouratthesametime.Redcherries.Fillingallthevalleywiththeircolor.I

lookandcannolongerseethebigbarracks;Iimaginethatthecherrytreesaregrowingandthatthey’re

fillingupwiththeredoftheirfruit.

OLDMAN:Idon’tknowwhatcherriestastelike.

YOUNGMAN:Aren’ttherecherriesinyourtown?

OLDMAN:Ofcoursetherearecherries.

YOUNGMAN:Don’tyouknowhowtoeatthemthen?

OLDMAN:Cherrieshaveneverappealedtome.

YOUNGMAN:Yourloss.

OLDMAN:Please,stoptalkingaboutfood.You’regoingtogivemeanulcerthat’sgoingtocrossover

intomybones.

YOUNGMAN:Didn’tyousayyoudidn’tlikecherries?

OLDMAN:Inmylandit’stheapricotsthatareeverywhere.Juicy,sweet,thick.

YOUNGMAN:Areyoutalkingaboutfruitorsomethingelse?

OLDMAN:I’mtalkingaboutthingstoeat,Spaniard.

YOUNGMAN:Whenyou’reoutsidethere,allyouhavetodoisreachoutyourhandtograbthecherries.

OLDMAN:Don’tkeeppushingthepoint.Don’ttalktomeaboutfood.Keepyourcherries.No.Goon.

Keeptalkingtomeaboutcherries.Justaboutcherries.

YOUNGMAN:I’lltalktoyouaboutcherriesandthelipsofawomaneatingcherries.I’lltalktoyouof

lipsthathavelosttheircolorbutwithcherrieshaverecoveredtheirvitality.I’lltalktoyouabout…

OLDMAN:Shutup.

(Facingthesea.)

OLDMAN:I’mchoking.

(TheWOMANhelpshim.)

WOMAN:Breathe.

(TheWOMANgiveshimwater.)

WOMAN:Takeadeepbreath.

(TheOLDMANloosenshiscollar.)

OLDMAN:Leaveme.Letmediehereandnow.

WOMAN:No,I’mnotgoingtoletyou.Youhavesomethingofmine.Thatbelongstome,that’sbeen

hiddenfrommeforever.I’mnotgoingtoleavewithoutfindingoutthetruth.

OLDMAN:Tellmeyourname.Yourwholename.

(Shetakesouthercardagainandplacesitinfrontofhim.)

WOMAN:AnaCerradaLebrón.

(Hepicksupthecard.Hereadsit.)

OLDMAN:AnaCerradaLebrón.DaughterofJuanandMargarita.

(Shesnatchesthecardfromhim.)

Thisisasickjoke.

WOMAN:WhywouldIlietoyou?

OLDMAN:Itcan’tbetrue.

WOMAN:WhatreasondoyouhavetokeepdenyingI’mthedaughterofJuanCerrada,therealJuan

Cerrada?Doyouwantmetospeaktoyouaboutmymother?Doyouwantmetodescribeourhouse?

Butthatdoesn’tmakesense.IknowIhavethetruthonmyside.I’velivedit.You’retheonewho’s

lying.

OLDMAN:Thisdocumentcouldbefalse.Icanshowyoumydocumentation.

WOMAN:Nowisn’tthetimeformorepapers.

OLDMAN:Ana,lookmeintheeye.

WOMAN:Ihaven’tstoppedlookingatyousinceIgothere.

OLDMAN:Lookatme,please.Withallthedisdainandhateinthisworld,butlookatme,Ibegyou.

Lookatme.

(Sheholdshergaze,buthelowershisown.)

(InMauthausen)

YOUNGMAN:German.Wakeup.You’reyelling.

OLDMAN:Getoutofhereandleavemealone.

YOUNGMAN:What’shappeningtoyou?

OLDMAN:Leaveme.

YOUNGMAN:Comeon,getup.Youcan’tstayhere.Iftheyseeyouthisway,that’llbetheendofyou.I

learnedthatfromyou.Thatwecan’tgetsick;andifwedo,wecan’tletanyoneknow.That’swhatyou

taughtme.Sogetup.Whatisit—youdon’thavetheballsanymore,youfuckingGerman?

OLDMAN:Ican’ttakeittoday.

YOUNGMAN:Isthisbecauseofyesterday’sbeating?Weren’tyousayingyoucouldtakeitall?Come

on,keephopingforyourmiracle.

OLDMAN:It’snotjustthat.Ifeel…Ifeelweak.

YOUNGMAN:Acold.

OLDMAN:It’snotacold.

YOUNGMAN:Really,areyousickornot?Itsmellsreallybadhere,buddy.Getup.

OLDMAN:Justleaveme.I’mgoingtogetshiteverywhere.Imusthavetyphus.Peoplehavediedfrom

typhusinthebarracks.Theotherdaymyclotheswerefulloffleas.Theymusthavepassediton.

YOUNGMAN:Peoplediefromtyphuseverydayhere.Fromtyphusandeverythingelse.Butthat’snot

yourproblem.Youdon’thavetyphus.Notthatoranythingelse.Youcan’tgiveupnow.

OLDMAN:Yougoon.

YOUNGMAN:I’mbringingyouwithme,whetheryoulikeitornot.

OLDMAN:Leaveme.

YOUNGMAN:No.

OLDMAN:Leavemenow.YouwanttoknowwhatIdidinMálaga.IservedontheAdmiralGraffSpee.

Ourmissionwastomakeuppartoftheinternationalforces.Iwasanartilleryofficer.AtthattimeIstill

believedinjustice.RightuptothatcolddayinFebruaryof’37.Málagahadtobetaken.TheItalians

accomplisheditbyland,andfromtheseatheyhadthehelpofthreeFrancoistwarships.Fromthe

AdmiralGraffSpeeweweremakingsurethenationalistsavoidedanysurprises.Sowewerekeepinga

watchonthelittleroadtoAlmería.Thecivilpopulationstartedtofleethecity.Thentheplanes

appeared.TheItaliansstartedtoletloosethemachinegunfire.Youcouldseethefacesofthewomen

crying.Thechildrenwererunning,withoutknowingwheretohide.TheSpanishboatspointedtheir

cannonstowardthepeopleontherun.

WhenItriedtoreactandrebel,everythingwasalreadyover.Youstillwanttogowithme?

YOUNGMAN:You’rehere,payingforyourguilt.

OLDMAN:Atacertainpoint,wewereorderedtoprovidefriendlysupport.AndIwasthegunmanof

theGraffSpee.Yougetit?Ifiredagainstthosepoorwretchesbecausetheyorderedmeto.AndInever

madeanyefforttorebel.

YOUNGMAN:You’resayingyouparticipatedinthemassacre.

OLDMAN:Idid.

YOUNGMAN:Butintheendyourebelled.

OLDMAN:Whenitwasalreadytoolate.Hasn’titoccurredtoyouthatamongthosewretcheswere

someofyourfriends?Thatevensomeofyourfamilymayhavediedonthatroad?

YOUNGMAN:Whatisityouwant?Formetojumpontopofyouandpoundyoutodeath?Wehavea

plan.Let’smakethisescape.Then,we’llsee.ButIhavetogetoutofhereandyouhavetohelpme.So

getup,they’reabouttodothehead-count.

(Ontheroad,facingthesea.

TheOLDMANlooksattheWOMAN.Heraiseshishandtotouchherface.Buthedoesn’tdare,dropping

it,atthesametimeloweringhisgaze.)

OLDMAN:Thosewhoareleft.Thecostmakesnodifferencetoyou.

WOMAN:I’vebeenpaying.SincethedayIwasborn.

OLDMAN:Goaway.Goaway.

WOMAN:Breathe.

OLDMAN:Leaveme.Don’ttouchme.Don’tlookatme.

WOMAN:Calmdown.Idon’twanttohurtyou.Ineedyoutotalk.

(TheOLDMANcalmsdown,littlebylittle,undertheWOMAN’scoldgaze.)

Doyoufeelbetternow?

OLDMAN:Ana…

Ibegyou.Goaway.

WOMAN:I’mnotdoingit.

OLDMAN:Ana…

WOMAN:I’mnotgoingtoleaveyoualone.

OLDMAN:Whatareyouafterfromme?

WOMAN:Imadethistriptofindoutwhoyoureallyare.Idon’tbelieveyou’remyfather.You’rehiding

behindhisname.AndIwanttoknowwhy.

OLDMAN:Areyouafterrevenge?

(Silence.)

WOMAN:Iwantthetruth.

OLDMAN:Werethingsreallylikethat?

(InMauthausen.)

OLDMAN:Werethingsreallylikethat?

Tomorrow,Spaniard.Tomorrowwillbetheday.Tomorrowwe’llmakeourescape.It’sbeenhard,

thoughthehardestpartforbothofusmayhavebeenyouconvincingme.Buteverything’sprepared

now.Now,finally,we’regoingtoescape,Spaniard.

YOUNGMAN:I’mnotgoingwithyou.

OLDMAN:Look,it’sclearthefront’snotgoingtoadvancethisfar.TheAlliesaremoreinterestedin

attackinginotherzones,andtheNazisaregoingtoholdtheirpositions.Andthey’recleaningoutthe

camps.Theyknowtheydon’thavemuchtimeandtheywanttofinishusoffsonothing’slefthanging.

Soeverything’swipedoffthemap.Ifwedon’tescapenow,wewon’thaveanychanceatall.

YOUNGMAN:There’sagroupleavingtomorrowforGusen.WhenIgothereinmytraintherewere

around200childreninthetrain.Thereareonlyaround50left.Tomorrowallofthesurvivorsfrommy

trainareleavinginthedirectionofGusen.Andsothose50childrenwillbeheadedthere.

OLDMAN:Youalreadyknowwhatawaitsthemthere.Andifyougowiththem,thesamethingwill

happentoyou,andyou’renotgoingtobeabletosavethemthatway.

YOUNGMAN:No.

OLDMAN:You’regoingtodie.Andyouwon’taccomplishanything.It’dbebetterforeveryone,for

thosechildrenandyou,ifyoujustgrabapieceofwoodandtakeoutacoupleofguardsbeforethey

finishyouoffwithabullet.

YOUNGMAN:It’sallthesametome,oldman.

OLDMAN:Afterallourpreparations?Ifwedon’ttakeoff,they’llfigureitalloutandthenthewhole

thingwillgetworse.

YOUNGMAN:I’mgoingtoGusen.Icouldn’tlivewithmyselflateronthinkingaboutthosechildren.

OLDMAN:Didthingsreallyhappenthatway?

YOUNGMAN:I’mgoingtoGusen.

OLDMAN:Nobodywouldbelievethis.We’reinhell.Nooneactsthiswayinhell.“I’mgoingwiththe

children.”That’scrap.EvenIcan’tbelieveit.Anddon’tcallmeoldman.Backthen,thisGerman

wasn’tanyoldman.

YOUNGMAN:So,whatisitthatreallyhappened?Iftherereallyweren’theroes,therecertainlywere

traitors.

OLDMAN:Heroesandtraitors.Winnersandlosers.Thesameoldstoryasalways.Didthingsreally

happenthatway?

YOUNGMAN:We’renevergettingoutofhere.I’mnotstupid.You’renotplanningtogetusoutof

here.

OLDMAN:Yes,Idoknowhowtoescape.

YOUNGMAN:There’sonlyonewaytogetoutofhere.Throughthechimneys.That’swhatyoualways

toldme.TomorrowtheonlysurvivorsfrommytrainareleavingforGusen.Iwouldhavetogowith

them.

OLDMAN:Gusen.

YOUNGMAN:Idon’tplanondoingit.

OLDMAN:Howcanyouchangethat?

YOUNGMAN:IcanbeofsomeusetotheNazis.Theyhavenoreasontokillme.Idon’twanttodie.I

can’tletthemkillmenow.

OLDMAN:Areyousellingout,Spaniard?Isthatwhatyou’regoingtodo?

YOUNGMAN:I’veleftalotbehind.Ineedtogoback.PerhapsI’mcursed.Cursedwiththestigmaof

stayingalive,ofsurviving.

OLDMAN:Didthingsreallyhappenthatway?No,theydidn’tturnoutthatway.Neitherthatwaynor

theother.Iwasneitheraheronoratraitor.

(Facingtheroad.)

OLDMAN:ItmaybethatinanothertimemynamewasdifferentfromJuanCerrada.Atacertainpoint,I

grewtobeashamedofthenameIwasbornwith,ofthemanIwaswiththatcursedname.Idon’twant

torememberit.What’stheneedoflookingbackward?

WOMAN:Myneedisn’ttolookbackwardbutrathertomoveforward.That’swhyIneedtohearyou.

OLDMAN:Youwanttomoveforward.Forme,ontheotherhand,there’snothingIcandoaboutitnow.

Offeryouanexplanation.It’stimenowtosettlemydebtwiththemanwhodiedatGusenforme.

WOMAN:Atlast,youadmitit.

OLDMAN:Don’tlookatme.Ican’tstandyoulookingatme.

WOMAN:Whoareyoureally?

OLDMAN:Mynamedoesn’tmatteranylonger.

WOMAN:AllmylifeI’vecarriedwithmetheghostofJuanCerrada.AndtodayIwanttoresolveallmy

doubts.

OLDMAN:Getoutofhere.

WOMAN:I’mnotleaving.

OLDMAN:Killmethen.

WOMAN:Ihaven’tcomeheretokillanybody.

(Silence.)

Thetruth.

OLDMAN:Youwanttogettothetruth?Areyousure?

WOMAN:ThisjourneybeganbeforeIwasborn.It’sgottoendhere.

OLDMAN:You’reveryyoung.Youhavealottolive,yourownlife.It’snothealthytopersistinhunting

aghost.

WOMAN:Foralongtime,Ibelievedinthestorymymothertoldmeoverandoveraboutmyfather.But

Ineverhadagravetocryat.AllIhaveleftofmyfatherisablurryphoto,fragmentsofastoryalmost

forgotten,andyou.You,whobearshisname.

(TheOLDMANremainssilent.TheWOMANcontinues,withoutanger,asifshewerespeakingtoachild

fromwhomshe’sattemptingtoextracttheconfessionofaminorsin.)

Itdoesn’thaveanythingtodowithme.It’spointlesstocontinuewithyourlies.

OLDMAN:Youshownocompassion.

WOMAN:Compassion?Idon’tthinkthatthat’stherightwordinthiscase.Whowascompassionate

backthenwithJuanCerrada,witheachoneofthethousandsofJuanCerradasthatexisted?

OLDMAN:Tellmethatyou’rereallythedaughterofMargaritaLebrón.

WOMAN:I’mthedaughterofJuanCerrada.

13. ENDOFTHEROAD

(TheWOMANwritesalettertoherformerlover.)

WOMAN:I’dsworntomyselfnottobotheryouagain.I’vehurtyouagreatdeal,Iknow.Idestroyedour

relationshipandindoingsoplayedthevillain’srole.That’swhatIchose.JustasIchosetoavoidthe

victim’srole.AtnopointcouldIallowyoutofeelpityformeandIsufferedasaresult.Iprefera

thousandtimesyourhate,yourdisdain.AfterleavingyouasIdid,Iwouldn’tbeabletostandyour

kindness,yourinfiniteunderstanding.I’mnotgoodenoughtodeserveit.Justasyouwouldn’tdeserveit

ifIdraggedyoualongwithallmyself-absorption,tohaveyoustarttosufferwhatyousoaptlycalledmy

ghosthunt.

It’snotthatIdon’tloveyou.TheproblemisthatIloveyoutoomuch,somuchthatIwouldgoto

incredibleextremestohaveyoubymyside.Butforthatreason,becauseIloveyou,Ihavetoholdback,

evenifitmeansbitingmylipssohardthattheystarttobleed.ThebattleI’mfightingagainstmyselfis

brutal.I’vesucceeded,evenifit’satgreatcost,inrepressingmyfeelingsforyou,mydesiresforyou,to

makemyselfnotwantyouformyownatanyprice,puttingthataboveeverything.

Ican’tgoonanymoreandI’mgoingtotellyou:Iwantyou.Iloveyou.Idesireyou.Ikeepwanting,

loving,desiringyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.Iloveyou.That’swhyIcouldn’ttakeitifyousunkintothe

holeI’vecreatedwithmyobstinacy.ButIdesireyou.Idesireyou,Idesireyou.Ilongforthestrengthof

yourarms,theroughnessofyourchest,theweightofyourbody.Yourmouth,yourbreath.Ioughtto

eraseallofthis.I’lldoit,beforeIsendyouthisletter.ButnowIneedtofeelthatit’sreallywrittendown

here,thatI’mnotgoingtoeraseit.Thatit’sallgoingtoreachyouinthisletterandyou’regoingtoread

itandI’mgoingtofillyouwithallmywordsandsoonI’mgoingtohaveyouhere,now.

It’snotgoingtobethatway.You’renotgoingtoreadit.I’mfightingagainagainstmyselfandI’m

winningandwithmyvictoryI’mtheloser.BywinningIloseeverything.Youhavetobefreefrommy

lovingyou.That’swhythisletterwillneverbesenttoyou.

I’llgoonwithmysearch,inamazeI’mgrowingmoreandmorelostin.I’dpromisedmyselfnottotalkor

writetoyouuntilI’dachievedmyobjective,oruntilI’dfailedcompletely.Ineededtoreachtheend

beforeyoufoundoutmywhereabouts.Ididn’twanttoburdenyouwithanyofmyworries.Ineededto

putanend,bymyself,tothisobsession,andthengetclosetoyou,myarmsraisedhighandmyhands

wideopen,andthengiveyoufreereintohatemeoracceptmeallover.Sothatyou’dbetheoneto

decideifyouwanttofindout,ornot,abouttheonewho’dbeenyourwoman.

I’maskingforyourforgivenessnow,bothforbeingsoweakandforwritingyouandfornothaving

enoughcouragetopresentmyselfbeforeyoufacetoface.I’mlonely,andIneedtogetthisoffmychest.

IneedtoexpresstosomeoneeverythingIfeelinside.Ifyoudon’twanttoreadthisletter,that’syour

right.Ifyoutearituporleaveitsomeplace,orifyouthrowitoutorburnit,I’llneverblameyouforit.

You’vesufferedagreatdealbecauseofme,andI’dliketosupportyouandtellyouI’mnotreallyworth

thetrouble.ThatyourgenerosityisworthmorethananythingIcangiveyou.Buttodaymorethanever

Imissyourembraces,andI’mdyingtobeatyourside.

Ihear“Wiegala,”thesongbyIlseWeber.IlseWeberwasaJewishwriterofchildren’sstories.Ilse

Weber,togetherwithherhusbandandson,wereconfinedinTheresienstadt,thecampforthe

supposedlyfortunateJews.Whentheydidn’tmatteranymore,IlseWeber,alongwithherhusbandand

son,endedupinAuschwitz,likeallthesupposedlyfortunateJewsfromTheresienstadt,likeallofthem.

I’mlisteningto“Wiegala.”ThelullabyIlseWebercomposedandsangforherson.ThelullabyIlseWeber

sangforallthechildrenwhoweretherewiththem.Thelullabywithwhichshetriedtoconsolethemas

shevoluntarilyaccompaniedthechildrenofAuschwitztodieintheshowers.

Wiegala,wiegala,weier,

derWindspieltaufderLeier,

erspieltsosüssimgrünenRied,

dieNachtigall,diesingtihrLied.

Wiegala,wiegala,weier,

derWindspieltaufderLeier.

Wiegala,wiegala,werne,

derMondistdieLaterne,

erstehtamdunklenHimmelszelt

undschautherniederaufdieWelt.

Wiegala,wiegala,werne,

derMondistdieLaterne,

Wiegala,wiegala,wille,

wieistdieWeltsostille!

EsstörtkeinLautdiesüsseRuh,

schlafmeinKindchen,schlafauchdu.

Wiegala,wiegala,wille,

wieistdieWeltsostille!

(Wiegala,wiegala,weier,

Thewindplaysthelyre.

Itplayssweetlyamongthegreenreeds.

Thenightingalesingshersong.

Wiegala,wiegala,weier,

Thewindplaysthelyre.

Wiegala,wiegala,werne,

Themoonisatorch

Inthedarkdepthsofthesky,

Fromthereitlooksontotheworld.

Wiegala,wiegala,werne,

Themoonisatorch.

Wiegala,wiegala,wille.

Howsilentistheworld!

Notasoundmarsthepeace,

You,too,littleone,gotosleep.

Wiegala,wiegala,wille,

Howsilentistheworld!)

Ifoundmanystories.Ifoundmyfather’s,orrather,theremainsofmyfather’sstory.Ihopesomeday

youcanbewithmeagainand,indoingso,helpmeunderstandit.

(TheOLDMANvacillates.Alongsilence.)

OLDMAN:IwasGerman.

WOMAN:So,youtookpartinmyfather’sdeath.

OLDMAN:Ididn’tkillyourfather.Iwasyourfather’smateinMauthausen.Iwasjustanotherprisoner

therewithhim.Anotherhilloffleshtokilloff.Wewerebarrackmates.Wewerefriends.

WOMAN:HowdoIknowyourMauthausenstoryisalltrue,andthatyourweren’tthereasajailerand

executioner?

OLDMAN:IservedintheGermantroops,notintheNazis.Iwasinsubordinateandtriedtodesert.I

wasconvictedandendedupinMauthausen.Areyougoingtobelieveme--yesorno?

Turnthatgadgetonnow.Don’tyouwanttohavemystory?Connectthatmachine.

(TheWOMANconnectstherecorder.)

OLDMAN:IwasanartillerygunneronaGermanbattleshipthatwaspartoftheinternationalbloc.It

wasaFebruarydayin’37,andwewerefacingtheMálagacoast.TheItaliansfromland,supportedfrom

theseabythreeNationalistships,weretakingthecity.Fromthatdayforward,everythingcollapsedfor

me.IsawhowfromtheSpanishshipstheywerepointingtheircannonstowardthecivilianpopulation

fleeingthecity.Icouldseethefacesofthewomencrying,thechildrenrunning…

Wewerekeepingwatchtoensurenothinginterferedwiththeattack.Icouldseehow,coldly,changing

theirpositiontomakeeveryshotcount,sharpeningtheiraimwitheveryhit,theSpanishfriendsofthe

GermanswereannihilatingtheSpanishenemiesoftheGermans.

WOMAN:Todonothingistobecomeanaccompliceincrime.

OLDMAN:Icarriedoutmyduty.Ievenbelieveinthat,inmyneedtocarryoutanorder.Butwhenthe

commandgaveusorderstoshoot,whenthecommandantorderedmetoshoot…

WOMAN:TheGermancommandorderedyoutoshoot.

OLDMAN:Iwasanartilleryofficer.Itwasmyobligation.

WOMAN:You’retalkingaboutshootingatcivilians.

OLDMAN:Lookoutthewindow.That’stheroad.Itallhappenedthere.Youdon’tseeanything,justan

abandonedroad.Iseeallthefacesofthechildren,ofthemotherscryingoverthebutcheredbabiesin

theirarms,ofthepeoplefleeing,explodingintheairfromthemortars’impact.

WOMAN:Youmightnothavedoneit.

OLDMAN:Imightnothavedoneit.

(TheWOMAN’sletter.)

I’vetraveledalongwaytofindJuanCerrada.Myfather.Ifoundmanystoriesalongtheway.Many

keptmeawakeatnight,andforeverleftmewithabittertasteinmymouth.I’mgoingtotellyouoneof

them.

Bytheseashore,inMotrico,there’saconventcalledSanturrarán.In1938itwasconvertedtoajail

wheretheyimprisonedanytypeofwomandeemedundesirablebythenewregime.Thejailwasguarded

overbyMercedariannuns.SisterMaríaAranzazu,knownas“ThePanther,”wasprioressandwardenin

thatungodlymonastery.Despitethejailhavingacapacityofsome750inmates,thenumberof

prisonerswaseasilydoubled.Deathswereroutine.

AtthetimeoftheirarrivalatSanturrarán,quiteafewofthewomenwouldenterpregnant.Whenthe

babywasborn,birthwouldbe,astheysay,“unrecordedinanyregister,”andthechildwouldbe

snatchedoutofthemother’sarms.Onewassupposedtoassumethattherewasalwaysadecentand

well-to-dofamilytowelcomethatproductofsin.Now,inthepostwarera,itwasdecreedthatchildren

underthreeyearsofagecouldnotremaininthejail,withtheresultthatunderthepretenseoftheso-

called“orphanageremoval”provision,theywereseparatedfromtheirmothers.

Whentheywouldarrivetotheinfirmary,theadmissionofthosebabieswasleft“unrecordedinany

register.”Thustheywereseparatedfromtheirmotherandlegitimatefamiliesforever,giventhatnowas

ageneralruleanyofficialtraceofthemwasgone.Anylaterefforttofindthemproveduseless.Given

thesituation,beforereachingthatpoint,somewomenoptedtogivethemupfordirectadoptionto

Motricofamilies,andthushavethechancetofindoutlaterwheretheirchildrenhadgone.

Thosewhohadolderchildrenweren’tseparatedfromthem.Ifaproblemarose,ifachildgotsick,no

matterhowgraveitwas,theinmateswouldattempttocureitthemselves.Theydidn’tlettheFrancoists

takethemaway.Theywereallonthelookoutforanychildwhogotadmittedtotheclinicbutdidn’t

comeback.Ifachildwentmissing,therewasnopointinmakingacomplaintlateron,cryingand

protesting.Thethingdearesttoyou,morethanyourownblood,wouldbeerasedfromyourlife.Birth

certificateserased,legalweddingsannulled.You’dneverhadachild.

Butthehorrorhurtsmostwhenit’sencasedinthesinistercloakofsarcasm.

Onesunnydayin1942thewomenprisonersofSanturraránweresurprisedtofindthatanexcursionto

thebeachhadbeenorganizedforthemothersandchildren.Thatday,onthebeach,manybelievedthat

everythinghadchanged.Thatthetimeofrepressionwasnearingitsend,andsooneveryonewouldbe

goingbackhome.Theywerehappywiththeirchildren,andthenunseventookpicturesofthem.We

canseetheluminousfacesofthewomenofthatrealconcentrationcamp,andnoonecouldguesswhat

helltheyweregoingthrough.Whentheyreturnedtothejail,theylearnedthattheirchildrenweren’t

goingbackwiththem.Theyneversawthemagain.

Iimaginewhatthatnightwaslike.No,Ican’timagineit.

Whathappenedtothosechildren,whatcouldhavebecomeofthem?Didanyofthemthinklaterabout

theirmother,ofthejail,ofthehardship?Ofthearmsthatprotectedthem,ofthetear-stainedkisses,of

theloveoftheirmothersshutupinthosecells?No.Notasinglechildwhodisappearedevercametobe

foundbyherfamily.

Here,bytheseaside,Irememberthosewomen,andIfeellikeIheartheircriesastheirchildrenwere

beingyankedfromtheirarms.

Here,bytheseaside,IunderstandhowverymuchIneedyou.

14. JUANCERRADA

(WiththeYOUNGMAN.)

OLDMAN:I’vebeenJuanCerradaforalongtime.I’vedefendedthatnamewithmoreforcethanIhave

myown.JuanCerradaneverexisted.Hewassimplythefantasyofalonelygirlinthemiddleofthewar.

YOUNGMAN:IamJuanCerrada.

OLDMAN:YouwereJuanCerradaandIhavebeenhimandIstillamhimwithyou.

YOUNGMAN:Whoareyou?WhoamI?

OLDMAN:Lookaroundyou.

(Mauthausen.)

YOUNGMAN:Thebarracks.Outthere,theovens.Theashfallingovereverything.Arewein

Mauthausenagain?

OLDMAN:Again.

YOUNGMAN:Ican’tgoonhere.Helpmeescape,German.

OLDMAN:I’mnottheGerman,youstilldon’tgetit?

YOUNGMAN:Ican’tdieyet.

OLDMAN:Youcan’tdie.Everythingaroundyouisdying,andyoudon’thavethestrengthtodoit.

YOUNGMAN:Andwhodeservesit?

(Facingthesea.)

WOMAN:Idon’tknowwhyyou’vetoldmethatstoryabouttheMálagaroad.Itdoesn’tinterestmeat

all.DoyouhavesomethingelsetotellmeaboutJuanCerrada,yesorno?

OLDMAN:Wait…

(InCerrada’smind.)

OLDMAN:Youdon’texistoutsideofme.You’reonlytheyoungmanIwasinMauthausen.Thatyoung

manwhostayedthere,whoneverleftthatbarrackhouse.

YOUNGMAN:But,theGerman…?Hewasgoingtoescapewithyou.

OLDMAN:TheGermanexisted.HeneverleftMauthausen,butthankstohimI’mhere.It’shisfaultI’m

here.Ifwehadescapedtogether,wewouldn’thavegotveryfar.TheNazisweremethodical.Detail

men.Theydidn’tmissanything.

YOUNGMAN:YouleftthecampwiththenameofJuanCerrada.

OLDMAN:ThatGermansonofabitchwashuge,agiant.Andhestillkepthisstrength.Hegotupand

threwhimselfontopofme.Itriedtodefendmyself,butIdidn’thavethestrengthtostophim.Hegot

ontopofmeandhebeatmeviciously,overandover.Henailedhisfistsintomybody,intomyface.He

batteredmeuntilIwasunconscious.Thenheswitchedmyclotheswithhisandmydocumentationwith

his.Hescratchedouthisownidentificationnumberandre-markeditwithmine.WhenImanagedto

cometothenextday,Iwasinhisbunk.Andonmyhandhe’dwrittenhisname.SothatI’dremember

wellhowIhadtosaymynamefromthenon.That’swhathappened.IlivedunderGermanidentity

untiltheAmericanforcesliberatedMauthausen.

YOUNGMAN:It’sallafarce.

OLDMAN:No,it’sallreal.

Reality.Sleepinginabarrackhouseinfrontofthecrematorium,andinthenightseeingflamescome

outofthechimney…Reality…Hopestopsmakingsense.Thatindeedwasreal.

(InMálaga,attheveryendoftheday.)

Thisisreal.

(Facingthesea.)

WOMAN:ButareyougoingtotalkaboutJuanCerrada,yesorno?

OLDMAN:What’stheneedoflookingbackward?

WOMAN:Myneedisn’ttolookbackbuttomoveforward.Ineedtohearyou.

OLDMAN:Youwanttomoveforward.I,ontheotherhand,candolittlenow.Offeranexplanation.

Now’sthetimetosettlemydebtwiththatmanwhodiedinGusen.InMauthausenIfoundmyselfwith

him,andwithJews,withPoles,withotherGermanslikemyself.Wewereallundertheruthlessknifeof

theNazis.AndtheSpaniards,too.

WOMAN:Amongthem,JuanCerrada.

OLDMAN:Cerrada,andmanymoreSpaniards.Andwiththem,fiftychildren,almostbabies.At13they

werealreadyjudgedoldenoughtobeimprisonedatMauthausen.Childrenoftheroad.Thechildrenof

Mauthausen.Spain’sworstnightmareshadgrownintoamonstrousshapeatMauthausen,untilit

turnedintotheonethingyouhadaheadofyou.RememberingthepainofthosefacesinMálagawas

becomingarelief.Itwasawayofcontrastingthestrangenessofhorrorwiththeeverydayroutineof

whatIwasgoingthrough.

IspokeSpanishwellandIbecamequitefriendlywithCerrada.Weplannedourescapefromthecamp.

Wehadeverythingnearlysettogo,whenJuanfoundouthewasbeingsentouttoGusen.Thosewho

wentintoGusennevercameoutofthere.Weshouldhavehurried.ButCerradalearnedtheywerealso

sendingouttoGusenthosechildrenfromAngoulemewhowerestillalive.Atthelastmoment,the

thoughtofallthosechildrenweighedonhim,andtheideathathe’dbeatraitortothemifheletthem

diealone.Helookedatmeandturnedaround.Hedidn’tturnhisheadbacktolookatme,andhefaced

downhisowndeathwithoutquestioningit.

(Mauthausen.)

OLDMAN:HewenttoGuseninourplace.He’darrangeditalltofoolmeandtofooleveryone.His

remorseforwhathe’ddoneonthisroadwassuperiortohisstrength.Thatwashisescapeplan.

YOUNGMAN:Ididn’tgotoGusen.Ididn’tdieinMauthausen.TheGermandiedforme.That’swhyI’m

stillhere,facingthedoorsofhell.

OLDMAN:That’swhyI’mhere,tryingtolivehispain.DoyouknowwhattheGermansaid?NowI’m

goingtopaymydues.You’llpaymine.Ididn’tknowwhathemeantatthetime.

(Inthedarkofthehouse.TotheWOMAN.)

Yourfatherdied.HewentintoGusen.WhoeverwentintoGusendidn’tcomeoutofthere.Whenthe

Americansappeared,Ipretendedtobehim.So,IleftMauthausenbeingJuanCerrada.

Ihavetoaskforforgiveness,fromyou.Iaskyourforgiveness,evenifIdon’tdeserveit.

WOMAN:Thisisn’tthetimeforforgiveness.Iwanttokeeplisteningtoyou.

OLDMAN:Mystory’snowapartofyourown.Itriedtovisityourmother,andtellherwhathad

happened.ButIcouldn’tdoit.Ididn’thavethecouragetodoit.IroamedthroughpostwarSpain,and

Istartedtouseyourfather’spapers,whichImademyownafterIleftMauthausen.Iwasmarriedas

JuanCerrada.AndsoIhadafamily,achild,justasCerradahadyou,andIgavemysontheCerrada

name.Perhapsforthatreason,lifetookthemfromme,myfamily,mywifeandson.

(TheMANandtheYOUNGMAN.Dialogue.Betweendelirium,guilt,remembrance.WhichtheYOUNG

MANthrowsinthefaceoftheMAN.)

OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamIgetthatcaragain,andgoonatripwithmyfamily.

YOUNGMAN:Theroad’sclearandit’ssunny.Thesundriesupalltherain.

OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamthatIhavenopast.Thatthere’sonlyalongroadahead.

YOUNGMAN:OnedayIdreamthatlifeiseasier.Thatwemustbehappy.

OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamthatI’mwithmylovedonesandwesingtogether.

YOUNGMAN:OnedayIdreamthatIhugmywifeandeatcherriesfromhermouth.

OLDMAN:OnedayIdreamthatit’spossibletobehappy.

YOUNGMAN:Itispossibletobehappy.

15. SOF“SPANIER”

(Facingthesea.)

WOMAN:What’syourrealname?

OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.

WOMAN:Yourname.

OLDMAN:JuanCerrada.

WOMAN:Tellmeyourname,yourrealname.

OLDMAN:JuanCerrada,it’stheonlythingIhaveleft.

(TheWOMANgetsup.SheturnsherbacktotheOLDMAN,whodriesthesweatthat’srunningdownhis

face.TheWOMANdoesn’tturnaroundtorespondtotheOLDMAN.)

WOMAN:Idon’tbelieveyoucouldhavehadsuchgoodluckinSpain,thattheywouldn’thaveposedany

problemforyou.Itdoesn’tmakeanysenseeitherthatyoucouldtakeontheidentityofananti-fascist

withoutsomebodydoubtingthevalidityofyourpapers.Whatyou’vetoldmeisreallyquiteillogical.

I’mnotatallsurethatinMauthausenyouwereavictimratherthananexecutioner.

(TheOLDMANrevealshimselftotheWOMAN.Andraisingashirtsleeve,thenumberonhisarmwhich

markshisstayinMauthausen.)

OLDMAN:Attimes,Iopenmyeyesfrightened.Inthedarkness,Ihearthecries,Ismellthestench…

Bagsofskinandbones.I’msurroundedbythem.Canyouseemyarm?

(TheWOMANstepsbackhorrified.ThedeepmarkofthenumberoftheOLDMAN’sarmoffersevidence

ofpartofhisstory.)

WOMAN:Anexterminationnumber.

OLDMAN:Someshowitoffwithpride.Ican’t.

(TheWOMANactsdefeated.)

WOMAN:I’vechasedaghost.Andnow,thatghostisinsideme.IfyoureallywereinMauthausen,if

youreallysayyournameisJuanCerrada,whatdoesalltherestmattertoyou?

OLDMAN:Ana,whatisityouwantnow?

WOMAN:Idon’tknowyet.PerhapsIneedtodeceivemyself,andliveignoringthetruth.Livingwitha

differentpast.

OLDMAN:Lookatme.Thisiswhat’sleftofthatJuanCerradawhomyouhatesomuch.

WOMAN:I’dliketoforgetthatanyonelikeyouexists.

OLDMAN:Youwon’tbeabletoforgetit.Youwon’tbeabletoforgetthatJuanCerradaexisted.You

won’tbeabletoforgetthatthewarexisted.Nomatterhowmuchyouwanted.

Idon’twanttoliveeither,butIcan’tkillmyself.IfIdid,itwouldbeasthoughIwerekillingCerrada

again,asthoughIwerekillingthechildrenofMauthausenagain,themothersandchildrenof

Mauthausen.Everyoneofthevictimsofthehorrorthat’schasedmethroughmylife,throughallofthe

twentiethcentury.History.IfIweretodie.Ifyouweretokillme.Killme,I’maskingyoutodoit.Kill

meandintheprocessyou’llfreeyourfather’sname.

WOMAN:Ihaven’tcomeheretokillyou.Iwouldbeincapableofit.

OLDMAN:So?

WOMAN:Ineededtoconvincemyselfmyfatherhaddied.

OLDMAN:Nothingledyoutothinktheopposite.

WOMAN:But…

OLDMAN:Iwanttogiveyouthis.It’stheonlythingIhaveleftfromthepast.Nowitmustbeyours.

(TheOLDMANgivestheWOMANablueclothtriangle.TheWOMANtakesit,visiblymoved.)

WOMAN:Thisisit.

OLDMAN:Thisisit.Therearenomorewords.There’snothingelse.Thebluetrianglethatmarked

yourfatherinthecamp.

WOMAN:WhatamIgoingtodofromthispointon?

OLDMAN:Forme,it’sdeaththatawaitsme.Iwantittocome,withlonging.Iwanttorest.Butforyou

theworstisstillahead.Oneday,andanother,thenanother.You’releftwithonething,thememoryof

yourfather,andalsoanother,myown.

(Silence.)

WOMAN:Thisisthefinalpointofmyjourney.

(TheWOMANrewindsthetape.Astheroomgoesdark,wehearintermittentlythevoiceonthe

cassette.)

…cherries…fatherandI…itsflavor…whereeverythingwasgray…itsredcolor,inthemiddleof…flavor…

ifforanything…that’swhy…theflavor…thosecherries.

HereendsJuanCerrada’sjourney.

(SilencefallsovertheOLDMAN,whosinksintothedarkness,slowly.)

WOMAN:Iturnedaround,turningmybackonthatoldman.Heremainedsurroundedbydarkness,

talkingtohimself,betweenhisteeth.Arguingwiththeghostsofhispast.Ididn’twanttoknow

anythingmore.EverythingI’dthought,everythingI’dbelievedin,wasturningagainstme.

16. FALSEWITNESSES

(Suitcases,unopened,bythesideofthedoor.Throughtheotherside,theWomanenters,dressedina

nightgown.Inside,herpartnerwaitsforher.)

ALBERTO:Didyougetagoodrest?Youslepttheentireday.

WOMAN:IfeellikeIcouldhavesleptlonger.

ALBERTO:Areyoubacktostay?

WOMAN:Idon’tknowyet.

ALBERTO:Haven’tyoufinishedyoursearchyet?

WOMAN:I’vereachedtheend.ButnowIreallydon’tknowwhatit’sworth.

(TheWOMANisunsureofhowtokissAlberto.But,finally,shethrowsherselfinhisarmsandcries.)

ALBERTO:Easy.

WOMAN:I’msorry.

ALBERTO:Hasitbeenhard?

WOMAN:Veryhard.

ALBERTO:It’sallovernow.

WOMAN:Iwanttobewithyou.

ALBERTO:Haveyouthoughtagainaboutwhatyoufoundout?

WOMAN:Yes.ButIstilldon’tknowwhat’sgoodandwhat’sbad.

(Hehandsheraphoto.)

ALBERTO:Doyouknowwhatthisis?

WOMAN:Ofcourse.Capa’sdeadmilitiaman.Whythis,now?

ALBERTO:YourstoryremindedmeoftheinternationalbrigadesmanintheCivilWarwholatermetup

withhisfatherinMauthausen.

Manyarguethatthisistheemblematicimageofourwar,andnotPicasso’sGuernica.Theimagethat

RobertCapacaughtwithhiscamera.ofthedeadmilitiamaninCerroMuriano,September5,1936.The

shotshowsahatlessman,dressedinawhiteshirt,withoutauniform,witharifleinhishand,fallingina

seatedposition,intheexactmomentofhisdeath.Abulletdrillsthroughhisheartattheexactpoint

thatthephotoimmobilizeshim.

WOMAN:Idon’tknowwhatyou’retryingtotellmewiththis.

ALBERTO:Themilitiamandied,andthey’venowbeenabletodeterminehisfullname.FedericoBorrell

García.Sothen,theauthenticityofthisphoto,itstruth,theyconfirmeditasabsolute.Thatday,Capa

capturedthroughhiscameratherealityofFedericoBorrell’sdeath.

WOMAN:Itallseemstofit.

ALBERTO:Everythingbutaseriesofminordetails.Numberone,theactualpositionofthebodyasit

falls.Adeadpersondoesn’tdiethatway.

WOMAN:Thephoto’safraud?

ALBERTO:Therearepeoplewhoclearlyseeitasafraud,giventhesedetails.Someassertthatthatman

wasn’tdyingatthetimeofthephoto.Hewaspretending.Buttheotherproofofthephotobeinga

fraudismoreconvincing.

WOMAN:What’sthat?

ALBERTO:Thephotoofthatmilitiamanfallingmortallywoundedisn’tunique.Capahasvariousothers

takenthesameday,withdifferentmilitiamen,fallingonthesamehill.Macabrestudiesinfraud.

WOMAN:So,isitafraud?

ALBERTO:Afalsification,asinistermasquerade?Acoincidence?Capa’sphotoonlyprovidedadvance

noticeofwhatwasgoingtobereality.Deathwouldarrivetoclaimthelifeofhismodeljustafewhours

afterCaparealizedhissimulation.It’sbeensuggestedthatCapatriedtostagethedeathofamilitiaman

andthatagroupofthem,generously,agreedtoposeforhim.Amongthem,FedericoBorrell,whose

fiancéewaswaitingforhimintownsotheycouldgetmarried.Theironyisthatthatimage,whichCapa

orhiseditorchoseasthemostawfulreflectionoftheCivilWar,wouldhaveitsrealcompletionlateron.

WOMAN:Thatis,ifthetheory’strue.ButIwonderifCapaheardaboutthemilitiaman’sdeath.

ALBERTO:Theydon’tknow.Butthere’sanotherstory,anotherdeath,thatindeedaffectedthe

photographer.ItwasthereporterGerdaTaro’saccidentaftershe’dcoveredtheBattleofBrunete.That

day,Capawantedtodieandhesoughtrefugethroughabottleoforujo.Heforgothiscamera.Asoldier

returnedittohim,becauseeverybodyknewhim.Yousee,GerdawasCapa’slover.Capabecame

famousforhiswarphotos.Ifhisphotographs,latersocontroversial,ofdeadmilitiamengaveafaceto

theCivilWar,theonesfromtheNormandylandingdidthesamewiththeSecondWorldWar.Because

beyondtheirpoliticalcontent,thosephotoscomefromaneyethat’sbothwoundedandstressed,atits

breakingpoint,justastheirsubjectsareonthevergeofdyingunderfireandexplosiveattack.

It’sbestthatyourest.

WOMAN:Iloveyou.

ALBERTO:Thestoryendshere.

WOMAN:Thestoryendshere.

17. THESEA

MynameshouldbeAnaCerrada.

MyfatherfoughtintheCivilWaranddiedcondemnedbytheSpanishGovernmentinGusen,asub-camp

ofMauthausen.TheMauthausencampswerebuiltwiththeenslavedhandsandlivesoftheSpaniards.

TheSpaniardsatMauthausenweremarkedwiththeinvertedbluetriangleofthestateless,withtheS,of

“Spanier,”inthemiddle.ButtheSpaniardswouldn’tbesubdued.

WhenaskedbytheNaziauthoritieswhattodowiththosefugitives,SerranoSuñer,GovernmentMinister

andFranco’sbrother-in-law,answeredthatnoSpaniardexistedbeyondtheSpanishborders.7,300

SpaniardswereconfinedtoMauthausen.5,000Spaniardsdiedinthecamporinsub-campslikeGusen.

InSpaintodaytherehasstillbeennohonorpaidtothememoryofthose5,000martyrs,nortothe2300

survivors.Theseheroesoffreedomarestillforcedtosufferdisgraceandoblivion.Onlytwothingsare

leftofthem.Theremembranceoftheirfightagainstterror,andtheirsleeplessnightsofhell.

MynameisAnaCerrada,andonedayIwentofftofacemyfather’sghost.Ifounditinanotherman

whofinallyadmittedtonotbeinghim,amanwoundedbyHistory,andamanwhosefacehadbeen

erasedbytime.

IwanttostopthinkingaboutJuanCerrada,amanwhocloseshimselfoffwithhisnothingnessina

house,facingthesea.Theseafromwhichcruisersgunneddownthepopulationfleeingtheonslaughtof

thewar.Theseathat’switnessedotherwars,theseathatkeepshushed,androcksitself,snoozing

throughthedayuntilthatmomentcomeswhenitfinallyawakens.WhenthathappensIhopeitcarries

usallaway.

(TheWOMAN’sfaceleanstowardthewater,andshewhispers.)

WhenIwaslittle,Iwouldcallouttomyfather,whosenamewasallIknewofhim.Inthenight,withan

overflowingwaterjuginmyhands,myfacelitbythereflectionfromthemoon,Iwhispernow,three

timesinarow,myfather’sname.

JuanCerrada.

JuanCerrada.

JuanCerrada.