a feminist defense of friendship

A Feminist Defense of FriendshipLisa Wade, PhDfacebook.com/lisawadephdlisa-wade.com@lisawade

Originally written and delivered with my friend, Caroline Heldman, PhD

Why Friendship?Why Friendship?

Why Friendship?Why Friendship?

People with friends are healthier.

Why Friendship?Why Friendship?

People with friends live longer.

Why Friendship?Why Friendship?

People with friends are happier.

“Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.”

- Sociologist Rebecca Adams

“I am not aware of any other factor—not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery—that has a greater impact on our… incidence of illness [and chance of] premature death...”

- Dr. Dean Ornish

“Applying the term ‘friendship’ to animals is not anthropomorphic.”

Women -- with -- Women

Men -- with -- Men

Women & Men-- with --

Each Other

Women -- with -- Women

Men -- with -- Women

“10 Drinks Men Should Never Order”

“[A sexual charge] added a certain zest, a special excitement that can’t be had in a same-sex friendship [if both are heterosexual]. Some people spoke of a flirtatious quality in the relationship, saying they valued it because it imparted a quality of vitality to the time they spent together, because it generated a spark they enjoyed.”

Rubin, Lillian. 1985. Just Friends: The Role of Friendship in our Lives. New York: Harper Perennial.

Women -- with -- Men

Men -- with -- Men

Justin, 15-years old

“[My best friend and I] love each other… that’s it… you have this thing that is deep, so deep, it’s within you, you can’t explain it. It’s just a thing that you know that person is that person… I guess in life, sometimes two people can really, really understand each other and really have a trust, respect and love for each other.”

Way, Niobe. 2011. Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection. Boston, MA: Harvard University Press.

Justin, 18-years old

“[My friend and I] we mostly joke around. It’s not like really anything serious or whatever. Nothing like serious talking whatever ‘cause I don’t talk to nobody about serious stuff… I don’t talk to nobody. I don’t share my feelings really. Not that kind of person or whatever… It’s just something that I don’t do.”

Way, Niobe. 2011. Deep Secrets: Boys’ Friendships and the Crisis of Connection. Boston, MA: Harvard University Press.

Positive Examples of Friendship

Embracing Friendship

For WomenFight the urge to seek male attention and approval.

For WomenRefuse to see other women as your competition.

For WomenCherish and cultivate friendships with women.

For WomenDecide to be friends with men.

For Men

Give yourself permission to just be you.

For Men

Express yourself.

For Men

Befriend other men who “get it.”

For Men

Struggle against dismissing women.

In Conclusion…

If they can be friends…

…we can be friends.

Questions?Lisa Wade, PhD

lisa-wade.com • @lisawade • facebook.com/lisawadephd

Credits:www.fourfour.typepad.com Caroline Heldman, PhDwww.interspeciesfriends.blogspot.com www.feministfrequency.comwww.forkparty.com www.acidcow.com www.nbc.com www.zimbio.comwww.smurf.com www.universal.comwww.etsy.com Ampersand