essentials of counselling

Prof. Lakshman Madurasinghe, PhDProf. Lakshman Madurasinghe, PhDConsultant Psychologist, AttorneyConsultant Psychologist, Attorney

What is Counselling ?What is Counselling ?Why do we need it ?Why do we need it ?

Counselling may be defined Counselling may be defined as as

1.providing help and support 1.providing help and support to a clientto a client

2. creating a climate of 2. creating a climate of acceptanceacceptance

3. Assisting the client3. Assisting the clientto explore, understand and to explore, understand and

act (EUA) act (EUA)

It is a dynamic relationship It is a dynamic relationship between two or more between two or more

persons- A QUANTUM persons- A QUANTUM MODELMODEL

consiliumconsilium….grasp with….grasp with

sellansellan….to sell or deliver….to sell or deliver

counselling is delivered and counselling is delivered and counselee grasps together counselee grasps together

with counsellorwith counsellor

GOALS AND AIMS OF COUNSELLING

To understand the counselee’s current situation.

To understand how he has tried to handle the problem.

To understand his view of the problem……….

To understand his emotional reactions.

To evaluate the total problem.

To help him clarify his life situation

Prof. Edwin Herr….

Hypothesis testing

Triple filter of Integrity

HonestAccountable

Just & Equitable

Herrmann Brain-dominance Herrmann Brain-dominance instrumentinstrument

Left brain- logical thinkersLeft brain- logical thinkersleft brain –limbic- sequential left brain –limbic- sequential

thinkersthinkers

Right brain- holistic thinkersRight brain- holistic thinkersRight-brain-limbic- emotional Right-brain-limbic- emotional

thinkersthinkers

Spect AnalysisSpect AnalysisWhat happens if full brain is not What happens if full brain is not

usedused

What is the reality around What is the reality around us ?us ?

Confucius in AnalectsConfucius in Analectssayssays

Wealth and honour are what Wealth and honour are what every person desires. But if every person desires. But if they have been obtained in they have been obtained in violation of moral principles, violation of moral principles,

they must not be keptthey must not be kept

Socrates in Apology saysSocrates in Apology says

The moral person does not put money or The moral person does not put money or anything above virtueanything above virtue

EastIndiaChina/Japan1000+ BCEEastIndiaChina/Japan1000+ BCEJudaism::Moses 1500-1350 BCE Moses 1500-1350 BCE Hinduism::

2000 BCE 600 BCE2000 BCE 600 BCEZoroastrianism::Zoroaster 628-527 BCEZoroaster 628-527 BCEJainism::Mahavira 599-527 BCEMahavira 599-527 BCE Buddhism::Buddha 563-483Buddha 563-483 BCEBCE

TaoismTaoism::Lao Tse 580-500 BCELao Tse 580-500 BCE

ConfucianismConfucianism::Confucius 551-579 BCE 100 CE Confucius 551-579 BCE 100 CE

Christianity Christianity::Jesus 1-33 CE  Jesus 1-33 CE   Shinto Shinto::100 CE600 CE100 CE600 CE Islam Islam::

Muhammad 570-636 CE Muhammad 570-636 CE 

Shakespeare on RosesShakespeare on Roses

A rose by any other name smells as sweet……..

Mini wars, hostages, hi-jackings, Mini wars, hostages, hi-jackings, hundred other horrors and terrors is hundred other horrors and terrors is

disquieting.disquieting.

Inside society there is societal entropy. Inside society there is societal entropy.

Crimes are escalating. Violence and Crimes are escalating. Violence and vices are spiralingvices are spiraling..

Counselling is not…..

Advice giving

Opinion giving

Sympathizing

Counselling is not…..

Giving practical help

Not simply interviewing

Not simply listening

Skills are gradual not Skills are gradual not sudden , so constant practice sudden , so constant practice

is vitalis vitala few months……a few months……

Psychological approaches to Psychological approaches to CounsellingCounselling

Client Centred- Carl RogersClient Centred- Carl RogersPsychodynamic- FreudPsychodynamic- Freud

Gestalt- Frit PerlsGestalt- Frit PerlsHumanistic- RET-EllisHumanistic- RET-Ellis

Personal Construct- KellyPersonal Construct- KellyBehavioural- Watson, SkinnerBehavioural- Watson, SkinnerTransactional Analysis- BerneTransactional Analysis- Berne

WHAT ARE THE 3 P’SWHAT ARE THE 3 P’S

PremisePremisePersonPersonProcessProcess

PremisePremise

Human interaction is primary Human interaction is primary to lifeto life

1. Interdependence 1. Interdependence2. Independence 2. Independence

PersonPerson

Accept 3 factorsAccept 3 factors1. Recognize importance of 1. Recognize importance of

spiritual valuesspiritual values2. Love others as self2. Love others as self

3. Accept self as human 3. Accept self as human

Counsellor’s qualitiesCounsellor’s qualities

EmpathyEmpathy

Some answersSome answers

Implies riskImplies riskemotional involvementemotional involvement

concernconcernconnection between you and connection between you and

the manthe man

EmpathyEmpathy

To understand someone To understand someone from his point of view, by from his point of view, by sensing and experiencing sensing and experiencing

his feelings and perspectivehis feelings and perspective

Apathy; Empathy, SympathyApathy; Empathy, Sympathy

EmpathyEmpathy

NegotiationNegotiationConflict ManagementConflict ManagementManaging diversityManaging diversityDeveloping others Developing others

Customer needsCustomer needsnetworkingnetworking

Counsellor’s qualitiesCounsellor’s qualities

1. Empathy- Your hurt is my 1. Empathy- Your hurt is my hurthurt

2. Positive regard2. Positive regard3. Genuineness 3. Genuineness 4. Concreteness 4. Concreteness

Counsellor’s qualitiesCounsellor’s qualities

5. Clear thinking5. Clear thinking6. Common sense6. Common sense7. Self awareness 7. Self awareness

8. Warmth8. Warmth

Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation

Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation

1. The need for relationships1. The need for relationships

2. The need to control2. The need to control

Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation

3. The need to rescue 3. The need to rescue

4. The need for information 4. The need for information

Counsellor’s MotivationCounsellor’s Motivation

5. Just fashionable….. 5. Just fashionable…..

Some don’ts in CounsellingSome don’ts in Counselling

Don’t MoralizeDon’t MoralizeDon’t compare with your experienceDon’t compare with your experienceDon’t offer advice on personal and Don’t offer advice on personal and

emotional issuesemotional issuesDon’t tell the client they don’t feel a Don’t tell the client they don’t feel a certain way- of course you are not certain way- of course you are not

depressed…..depressed…..

Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role

Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role

1. Being hasty instead of 1. Being hasty instead of deliberatedeliberate

2. Being disrespectful 2. Being disrespectful instead of sympatheticinstead of sympathetic

Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role

3. Being judgmental instead 3. Being judgmental instead of unbiasedof unbiased

4. Being directive instead of 4. Being directive instead of interpretiveinterpretive

Counsellor’s RoleCounsellor’s Role

5. Emotionally over involved5. Emotionally over involved

6.Artificial- not authentic6.Artificial- not authentic

The Counselee

The Counselee’s rights must be respected

1. Right to speak and be heard2. Right to his/her opinion3. Right to defend him/herself4. Right to personal philosophy

The processThe process

Moving Interviews forwardMoving Interviews forward

3 Stages3 Stages

UnderstandUnderstandExploreExplore

ActAct

Check list of essentialsCheck list of essentials

11. . Why does he need help at this timeWhy does he need help at this time2. What has he already done towards2. What has he already done towards

solving the problemsolving the problem3. What help has he already received3. What help has he already received

Check list of essentialsCheck list of essentials

4. What help does he still need4. What help does he still need5. Spiritual needs5. Spiritual needs6. Plan of action6. Plan of action

Unskilled responses

1. Me too

2. If I were you

3. Yes, but

Active listening is a learned Active listening is a learned skill and not a natural skill and not a natural

attributeattribute

Listening AssessmentListening Assessment

Effective Listening Effective Listening behaviourbehaviour

SOLERSOLER

1. Sitting squarely1. Sitting squarely2. Open position2. Open position

3. Leaning forward3. Leaning forward4. Eye contact4. Eye contact

5. Relaxing5. Relaxing

Check List of listening skills

Be acceptingBe concernedBe patientBe specificBe honestBe faithful

1. Be Accepting1. Be Accepting

Take a non-judgmental stanceTake a non-judgmental stanceAccept him for what he isAccept him for what he is

Accept him for where he isAccept him for where he is

2. Be Concerned2. Be Concerned

Caring and willing to get involvedCaring and willing to get involvedAttentive to what the client saysAttentive to what the client says

Your motivation is loveYour motivation is love

3. Be patient3. Be patient

The client sets the scheduleThe client sets the scheduleGiving time suggests interestGiving time suggests interest

Do not force the paceDo not force the pace

4. Be specific4. Be specific

Ask specific questionsAsk specific questionsGive concrete statementsGive concrete statementsConfront inconsistenciesConfront inconsistencies

5. Be honest5. Be honest

Respond in a way that reflects your Respond in a way that reflects your feelingsfeelings

Your responses are to be congruent Your responses are to be congruent with your feelingswith your feelings

Your responses should be graciousYour responses should be gracious

6. Be faithful6. Be faithful

Absolute confidentialityAbsolute confidentialityRefrain from passing along info given Refrain from passing along info given

by clientby clientAlways keep an appointment with clientAlways keep an appointment with client

The Complete MessageThe Complete MessagePlease fill out the %Please fill out the %

?? % Non Verbal

?? % ?? %Tone

Content

The Complete MessageThe Complete Message

Nonverbal – 55 %Nonverbal – 55 %Tone of voice- 38 %Tone of voice- 38 %Actual words- 7 % !!Actual words- 7 % !!