everyone communicates few connect: what the most effective...

Florida Police Chiefs AssociationNext Level Communication

Everyone Communicates Few Connect: What the Most Effective People Do Differently

25 April 2018

Gabrielle K. Gabrielli, Ph.D.

Ground Rules

1. Turn any cell phones or any other devices thatmake noise to the off or silent position.

2. Be on time including from breaks.3. Listen actively and participate productively.4. Keep an open mind.5. Be respectful to everyone; don’t interrupt.6. If you break any rules, you sing.

10-Second Introductions

• Name• Where you are from• Answer a thumbball question

Agenda

1200 Ground Rules, Icebreaker, Objectives

1215 Writing and ProofreadingWriting ExerciseProofreading StrategiesActivities and Discussion

1300 Next Level CommunicationCommunication Self-AssessmentResearch on CommunicationMoving Beyond Communicating to ConnectingListening SkillsGenerations in the WorkplaceDiscussion and Application

1400 Conclusions

Writing Succinctly, Factually,and Professionally

Disclaimers

• Language changes frequently.• There is rarely only one correct way to

write something.• Different style guides (APA, MLA, etc.)

sometimes conflict with one another.• When in doubt, consult your instructor or

your supervisor.• Nobody is perfect!

Some New Words in Dictionary

• Mansplain• Hangry• Froyo• Troll• Concealed carry• Open carry• Conlang

Oxford, 2018 / Merriam-Webster, 2018

Hangry Example

Volunteer, Please?

If emale and paypers r writon with speelingand gramitckal misteaks, u mite git themeening, but the messige is not asaffectiv or easily reedible.

Exercise

Spend 5 minutes reviewing and making anycorrections needed on the handout.

Oxford Comma

Writing Review

Titles

• Chief David Perry• David Perry, chief• Our chief, David Perry

Lie versus Lay

• The important distinction is that layrequires a direct object and lie does not.So you lie down on the couch (no directobject), but you lay the report down on thetable (the report is the direct object).

• Lay is the past tense of lie!

Homophones

• Accept/Except• Advise/Advice• Capital/Capitol• Effect/Affect• Passed/Past• They’re/Their/There• Wear/Where• Whether/Weather• Which/Witch• Who’s/Whose

Frequently Confused Words

Frequently Confused Words

Frequently Confused Words

One Word or Two?

One Word or Two?

Negative Constructions

• Over the last three years, I have notnoticed a decrease in law enforcementexpenditures.

changes to• Over the last three years, law enforcement

expenditures have remained the same.

Identifying Passive Voice

• Look for a form of the verb “to be”:am, are, is, was, were, be, been, being

• Look for past participles:–ed or –en. Also, held, made and kept.

• If both parts are present, you have passivevoice.The records were (verb to be) allegedly falsified (pastparticiple) by the police officer.

Passive Voice

• The perpetrator was arrested by OfficerDuncan.

changes to• Officer Duncan arrested the perpetrator.

Dangling Participles

• I saw the accident driving on the interstate.should be

• While driving on the interstate, I saw theaccident.

or• I saw the accident while driving on the

interstate.

Avoid Dangling Modifiers

• With his tail held high, the officer led his K-9Mako around the training center.

should be• The officer led his K-9 Mako, with his tail

held high, around the training center.

Examples of Prepositions

Proofreading Strategies

Writing

• Organization• Tone• Clarity• Spelling• Grammar• Punctuation

Organization

1. When writing an email or letter, use anappropriate salutation (Dr., Ms., Mr., etc.).

2. Orient the reader to the reason you are writing.3. Use one central idea per paragraph and reduce

unnecessary words.4. Create a new paragraph when you change ideas.5. When requesting action, include any action items

and due-by dates.6. Conclude appropriately. When writing an email or

letter, close your statement.

Tone

1. Be respectful and professional. Avoidbias in your writing.

2. Put yourself in the reader’s shoes.3. Avoid “flaming” words, particularly in

email messages.

Clarity

1. Be concise.2. Use plain language.3. Ensure that each paragraph has one central idea

with enough details to support the idea.4. Limit paragraphs to three per email or letter

correspondence when possible.5. Use appropriate transitions between paragraphs.6. Include only relevant information.7. Read out loud to ensure that there are no word

choice issues or missing words.

Spelling

1. Examine each word individually.2. Read every line backward.3. Pay attention to commonly confused

words.4. When in doubt, consult a dictionary.

Grammar

1. Ensure subject/verb agreement.2. Ensure pronoun reference/agreement- Look for

the words it, this, they, their, and them.3. Use parallel structure- Look for the words and,

both, or, not only...but also, either...or,neither...nor...and make sure that the itemsconnected by these words (adjectives, verbs,nouns, etc.) are in the same grammatical form.Bullets should also be parallel.

4. Avoid dangling modifiers, sentence fragments, andrun-on sentences.

5. Don’t use passive voice.

Punctuation

1. Apostrophes- Look especially at words ending in “s” to seeif an apostrophe is required.

2. Commas- Ensure usage after conjunctions used to connectsentences, after independent clauses, to set offparenthetical elements and quotes, and to avoid confusion.

3. Colons- Use before a list that is preceded by a clause thatcan stand by itself.

4. Semicolons- Use when connecting two sentences orindependent clauses; when beginning the secondindependent clause after a semicolon, do not use a capital.

5. Periods- Ensure that all sentences have a period and thatall fragments do not.

Proofreading

• Take a break between writing andproofreading.

• Read out loud.• Read slowly.• Read backward.• Put yourself in the reader’s shoes.• Ask others to proof your work.• Accept constructive input.

Commonly Mistyped Words

• James Smith, Manger• Accomodate• Acknowledegment• Greatful• Judgement• Liason• Licence• Occurrance• Occassion

Technology

• Don’t Rely on Technology to Proofreadfor You.

• Example - Software tools in Word 2016:– Click the File tab, then choose Options.– Click Proofing on the left side of the window.– In the Replace box, type manger.– In the With box, type manager.– Click OK.– Close the Word Options dialogue box.

What I Learned from Journalism

K.I.S.S.

“The most valuable of all talents is that ofnever using two words when one will do.”

Thomas Jefferson

Be Concise

• One idea per paragraph• 2-6 sentences per paragraph in literature

review• 2-3 paragraphs per email• No more than 3 concepts per email

Conclusions

• Excellent writing requires knowledge, practice,and effort.

• Work to improve organization, tone, clarity,grammar, punctuation, and spelling.

• Be open to feedback and work to improve.• Apply writing and proofreading techniques to

write succinctly, factually, and professionally.

Icebreaker: Line Up

• Shoe size, smallest to largest• Birth date, 1 Jan to 31 Dec• Length of time in your current job• Number of siblings, least to most• Number of pets, least to most

Communication Self-Assessment

Research Says....

Communication-Connect Message

Every communication is an opportunityfor a powerful connection. Developingyour ability to connect with others:1. Creates better relationships2. Reduces conflict3. Increases accomplishments4. Effectively conveys ideas5. Attracts followers

Central Truths

1. If you want to succeed, you must learn howto connect with others.

2. High achievers care about people, viewsubordinates optimistically, seek advicefrom subordinates, and listen well toeveryone.

3. Maturity is the ability to see and act onbehalf of others.

4. We remember a lot more of what we seethan what we hear.

Central Truths

5. Connecting always requires energy; mustintentionally and willingly connect withothers. This requires initiative (go first);clarity (prepared); patience (slow down);selflessness (give); and stamina (recharge).

6. If you are responsible for leading people orcommunicating with others, it is especiallyvital for you to find ways to recharge.

Central Truths

7. A bad beginning makes a bad ending(Euripides).

8. People connect with stories, not statistics.9. It is the job of a leader to bring clarity to a

subject, not complexity.10.Three words are essential to connect with

others: brevity, levity, and repetition.

Central Truths

11.Leadership is about inspiring people todo things they never thought they could.(Steve Jobs)

12.The mediocre teacher tells, the goodteacher explains, and the great teacherdemonstrates.

13.Vision without passion is a picturewithout possibilities.

Central Truths

14.People ask three questions about theirleaders: Do they care for me? Can theyhelp me? Can I trust them?

15.Preparation yields confidence andpassion yields conviction.

Connecting increases your influence in every situation.Successful U.S. Presidents exhibit 5 qualities:1. Vision2. Pragmatism3. Consensus Building4. Charisma5. Trustworthiness

4 of the 5 skills tobeing a successfulleader have to dowith connecting.

Connecting Principles #1 INFLUENCE

Connecting Signals

Extra Effortpeople go the extra

mile

UnsolicitedAppreciation

people say positivethings

UnguardedOpenness

people demonstratetrust

IncreasedCommunication

people expressthemselves more

readily

EnjoyableExperiencespeople feel good

about what they aredoing

EmotionalBondednesspeople display aconnection on anemotional level

UnconditionalLove

people are acceptingwithout reservation

Growing Synergypeople’s effectivenessis greater than the sum

of the contributions

Positive Energypeople’s emotional

“batteries” arecharged by being

together

Connecting Principle #1 INFLUENCE

Jay Hall, Ph.D., Teleometrics,conducted a study on the performanceof 16,000 executives.

CONCLUSION: direct correlationbetween achievement and the ability tocare for and connect with people.

“Leadership is not about titles, positions or flowcharts. It is about one life influencing another.” John C. Maxwell

Connecting Principle #1 INFLUENCE

Modes of Listening

• Combative listening takes place when welisten only to look for flaws in the otherperson’s point of view.

• Passive listening takes place when we trulytry to hear the other person’s point of view.However, with passive listening, we do notyet provide feedback to verify whether wehave understood.

• Active listening takes place when weprovide feedback to verify whether or not wehave understood the sender.

Examining Body Languageand Behavioral Cues

• Observe what message your body languageconveys:– facial expressions or gestures– shifts in eye contact– crossed arms or legs– placement of feet– excessive sweating

• Be aware of nonverbal messages you send.

Listening Actively

• Listen with your ears, your eyes, and your heart toconcentrate on what the person is saying and toempathize.

• Pay attention to speaker’s facial expressions andother nonverbal cues for insight into the message.

• Listen without interruption. Note key phrases anddocument the information that the interviewee says.

• Provide feedback checks to the speaker. Restate,paraphrase, or ask questions of the interviewee toconfirm that you received the message as intended.

Activity

• Get with a partner.• Pick who will be the speaker first and who

will be the listener first.• Discuss whatever is on your mind for 2

minutes.• Switch roles.

Connecting is all about OTHERS and not ourselves.Why do we focus on ourselves and not others?1. ImmaturityMaturity is the ability to see and act on behalf of others2.Ego3.Failure to value everyone

3 Connecting Questions:1.Do you CARE for me?2.Can you HELP me?3.Can I TRUST you?

Connecting Principle #2 OTHERS

Connecting goes beyond words.3 components to face-to-face communication

How others believe what we say when we communicate:

>90% of the impression that we often conveyhas nothing to do with what we actually say!

Connecting Principle #3 COMMUNICATION

WORDS TONE OF VOICE BODYLANGUAGE

Connecting Principle

• Connecting Goes Beyond Words

Communication = Potential

Communication Model

Shannon-Weaver

Communication Model

Importance of Communication

• The #1 skill that employers seek is excellentcommunication skills.

• Practitioners in the “big 6” accounting firmsspend 80% of their time communicating withothers.

• The average executive spends 45 minutesper hour communicating.

• Subscribers to the Harvard Business Reviewrated communication as the most importantfact in making an executive promotable.

Communication Hurdles

• We speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute.• We listen at about 150-400 words per minute.• We think at about 1000-3000 words per minute.

Communication Challenges

• Words are processed in short term memory.• We process about 7 bits of information at a

time in short term memory.• Images are processed in long term

memory.

The Power of Words

Choose Words Carefully

3 Components to Communication

Connecting Principle #3 COMMUNICATION

Connecting always requires ENERGY.4 Unpardonable sins of a communicator:

3 of the 4 require a lot of effort and energyConnecting requires:1. Initiative – go first!2.Clarity – prepare3.Patience – slow down4.Selflessness – give5.Stamina – recharge

Connecting Principle #4 ENERGY

Unprepared Uncommitted Uninteresting Uncomfortable

Connecting is more SKILL than natural talent.

Connecting Principle #5 SKILL

1. Connecting one on one2. Connecting in a group3. Connecting with an audience

The smaller the group, the more important itis to connect.

3 Ways to Connect

Connectors connect on common ground.

Barriers to finding common ground:

Connecting Practice #1 COMMON GROUND

Assumption Arrogance

IndifferenceControl

Choices to finding common ground:

Connecting Practice #1 COMMON GROUND

Availability Listening

Questions Thoughtfulness

Openness Likeability

Humility Adaptability

Connectors go first.• Do I feel what you feel?• Do I see what you see?• Do I know what you know?• Do I know what you want?

Connecting Practices #1 Common Ground

Connectors do the difficult work of keeping it SIMPLE.4 components to connect through communication

Connecting Practice #2 Simplicity

Humor Heart Hope Help

Three S Art of Simplicity1.Talk to people, not above them.2.Get to the point.3.Say it over and over and overagain.4.Say it clearly.5.Say less.

Create an EXPERIENCE everyone enjoys.

How to be interesting:1.Take responsibility for your listeners.2.Communicate in their world.3.Capture people’s attention from the start.4.Say it so it sticks.

Connecting Practice #3 EXPERIENCE

Connectors INSPIRE people.Inspiration Equation

Connecting Practice #4 INSPIRE

Connecting Practice #5 CREDIBILITY

“Credibility is currency for leaders andcommunicators. With it, they are solvent;without it, they are bankrupt.”- JohnMaxwell

CREDIBILITY is the currency that connectors have.

Credibility Checklist

1. Have I connected with myself?2. Have I made right my wrongs?3. Am I accountable?4. Do I lead like I live?5. Do I tell the truth?6. Am I vulnerable?7. Am I following the Golden Rule?8. Do I deliver results?

Connecting Practice #5 CREDIBILITY

Application of Concepts

• When communicating, attempt to connecton four levels: visually, intellectually,emotionally, and verbally.

Generational Communication

Action Items and Discussion

“The pessimist complains about the wind.The optimist expects it to change.

The leader adjusts the sails.”- John C. Maxwell

Conclusions

• Use your action plans to direct your efforts toareas that need most improvement.

• Strive to continuously work to improve yourskills.

• Don’t just communicate with people; connectwith them.

Post-Session Website

Your portal WILL BE at:http://gabrielleconsulting.com/FPCA2018

Questions?gabrielle@gabrielleconsulting.com