how to be a successful networker: be curious & generous

Be Curious

& Generous

How to be a Successful Networker

Successful networking is a by-product of

authentic relationshipI was asked by my colleagues at Ayogo Health Inc. to prepare a presentation on

How to Be a Successful Networker. I hope this presentation helps dispel the myth

of networking - that somehow one can lay claim to people and have one-sided

expectations of them. Networks are the by-product of being authentic, generous,

curious, and in possession of “referent power”.

About me: I am Mavis Dixon, a mother of teens, a project manager, marketer and

analyst - all roles that benefit from my genuine curiousity. As a friend, mentor,

account manager and co-worker I have learned the value of being generous.

As a budding behavioural psychologist, I have learned the importance of

emotion in decision-making, memory and behaviour. In this presentation I draw

on my experience in all of these roles.

Yeah, I’m a little nosy

But I gave up gossip for Lent

Look to Eleanor Roosevelt, not to Alice Roosevelt:

Eleanor: “Great minds discuss ideas; average minds

discuss events; small minds discuss people.

Alice: “If you haven’t got anything nice to say, come sit

by me”.

Bad Gossip vs Taking the Pulse

● “Not my story tell”

● Good gossip intrigues, speeds up communication and gives social

status, but is not divisive, no “them”, is complimentary or pro-person

● Spread Good Rumours (“I heard Ayogo is hiring.”)

● Asking questions in small groups or individually is taking the pulse. If it’s

a candid conversation, still think of how you would feel if the news

landed elsewhere

● Inside knowledge is powerful, desirable and has currency

● If you are asking and intend to share the answer- be transparent

Be Curious

You can make more friends in two months by

becoming interested in other people than you can in

two years by trying to get other people interested in

you.Dale Carnegie

● Ask Open Ended Questions

● “Tell me more.”

● Use reflective comments (paraphrase back what you’ve heard)

Their Name is Important!

1. When you are being introduced to anyone, concentrate on getting the

name right. Think of only one thing: the name.

2. If you do not hear the name clearly, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name.

Will you please repeat it?”

3. Observe their face for distinguishing features.

4. Repeat their name right away! 3 times in 2 sentences is OK. It seems

over-the-top but you’ll remember it.

o So, <Name> What drew you to <this event>?

5. Compliments are OK and memorable for you both but avoid commenting

on physical characteristics

Dale Carnegie’s advice is going strong 80 years later.

Generosity

● Be thankful

● Give without expectation - your time, and expertise - within limits

● But be specific: Yes, I can email you that. Yes I have 30 minutes for

coffee. Yes I can introduce you to a couple of people.

● Reframe goals: Rising Tide Lifts All Boats

● Pay it forward

● Build Referent Power

Types of Power

Formal Power (comes with position or role)

● Coercive - fear & punishment

● Reward - bonus & incent, promote

● Legitimate - position to make demands

Personal (built by individual

● Expert - knowledge

● Referent - trust & charisma

What we’ve been talking about in this presentation is How to Build Referent

Power

Be authenticBeing a “Try Hard”, for fake

People Pleaser is a turn off.

What are you apologizing for?

Twelve Ways to Say I’m sorry

Let your quirks show

If you say “That’s so interesting!”

you better genuinely care.

Images: Paul Ekman

Paul Ekman: In a fake smile, only the zygomatic major muscle, which runs from the cheekbone to the corner of the lips, moves. In a real smile, the

eyebrows and the skin between the upper eyelid and the eyebrow come down very slightly. The muscle involved is the orbicularis oculi, pars

lateralis.

NY Times: Can regular people learn to get better at telling real expressions from fake ones?

Ekman. Much to my surprise, people can learn to do this in under an hour. I have developed a CD which teaches people to do this quickly. I thought

it would take a lot longer.

http://www.nytimes.com/2003/08/05/health/conversation-with-paul-ekman-43-facial-muscles-that-reveal-even-most-fleeting.html

Now remember...

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Thank you!

Mavis Dixonayogo.com

https://www.linkedin.com/in/mavisdixon