how to work a room · 2014. 12. 14. · don’t be pushy • the polite posey syndrome • good...
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How To Work A Room
presented by Jim Hollis
Based on the book by Susan RoAnne
How To Work A Room The Ultimate Guide to Savvy Socializing
in Person and Online
Networking • Conventionally, Networking is connecting with
others for mutual benefit and enjoyment…..a win-win scenario. However, the win-win scenario conveys the concept of keeping score. “I did that for you; now you owe me.”
• Consider….Networking as connecting for the benefit and enjoyment of others. Expect nothing in return. Focus only on the needs of others. Your needs will be met.
• Networking is a journey; not a destination…..not an objective. Networking should be your paradigm, the way you live life.
Working a Room • Mingling, connecting, being memorable…… • The ability to circulate comfortably and
graciously throughout a gathering of people; • Meeting, greeting, and talking with as many of
the attendees as you can; • Creating warm and sincere communication; • Establishing sincere rapport upon which to build
a personal and/or professional relationship; • Knowing how to initiate, continue, and end lively
and interesting conversations.
If others can tell that you are working the room…….
you are doing it wrong!!!
The Roadblocks:
Why We Hate To Go
Roadblock #1
Don’t Talk To Strangers
• Parental imprinting for children. • Effective, appropriate for children. • A roadblock, hindrance for adults.
Roadblock #2
Wait to be Properly Introduced
• The Scarlett O’Hara Syndrome
Roadblock #3
Don’t be Pushy
• The Polite Posey Syndrome • Good things come to those who wait….NOT!!! • Good things come to those who INITIATE!!!!! • Don’t have to be pushy, obnoxious to be pro-
active, demonstrate initiative.
Roadblock #4
Better Safe Than Sorry
• Reaching out to others, risking rejection is scary. • The Wallflower Syndrome - low profile; shadows • Siamese Twin Syndrome – safety; familiarity
Roadblock #5
Mangled and Mixed Messages
• Ineffective communication; Mis-interpreted signals; unintended signals.
• Self-perception; self-confidence; self-esteem…. or lack thereof
The Remedies:
Removing the Roadblocks
Remedy #1
Redefine the Term “Stranger”
• Adopt “No Strangers” perspective; only friends you haven’t yet had the pleasure off meeting; look forward to that pleasure with excited anticipation.
• Focus on common ground that brings you together – a basis for connecting, conversation.
Remedy #2
Develop a Self-introduction
• 3 – 9 seconds….ONLY!!!....not an elevator spiel. • Think Velcro…..offer a hook for other person’s
loop to connect with; highlight common ground. • Adjust for the specific circumstances. • End with an open-ended question. • Think tennis…..serve and volley; object is not to
win, but keep the conversation ball in play.
• Hi. I’m Jim Hollis. I played 3rd base in a money ball league with the groom. How do you know the couple?
• Hello. I’m Jim Hollis. This is my first meeting. I’m trying to learn the ropes. How do these events go?
• Hello. I’m Jim Hollis. I first met Ron and Sandy at Devil’s Tower in Wyoming during a week Harley trip to Sturgis. How do you know them?
• Hi. I’m Jim Hollis. I’m a problem solver for business……the Extra Strength Excedrin for business headaches. What business are you in?
Remedy #3
Move from “GUEST” TO “HOST” Behavior
• Guest relies on others to make them comfortable. • Host makes others comfortable. • When you focus on others’ comfort more than
your own, your self-consciousness disappears. You become memorable.
• Think Nike….Just Do It!!!! Don’t wait, Initiate!!!
Remedy #4
Eject the “Rejecter”…. And Move On
• Fear of rejection can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. • Sticks & stones….; rejection can’t hurt me. • Rejecter may pre-occupied, focused elsewhere. • Be gracious, polite, and warm, but move on. • It’s the Rejecter’s loss; don’t waste your time.
Remedy #5
Clarify Messages Sent • Full time message streaming; communication is
complex. • Communication is 55% visual; 38% vocal; 7% words. • Consider dress, body language, voice, words, gender,
religion, ethnicity, touch, background, position, culture, others’ agendas,….
• Practice good manners and etiquette. • Don’t mix professional and personal agendas. • You are known by association….be selective.
• Easier to stay home; not risk rejection.
• Learn to approach every event with purpose and enthusiasm.
• Having fun and meeting new friends can be as valuable as striking deals.
• We all have something to contribute. List and review your experience, interests, preferences so you are comfortable in what you have to offer.
• Identify potential benefits before you go – personal and professional.
Reasons to Attend Event
PROFESSIONAL • Assist others; give back • Be perceived as a leader,
in control, connected…. • Expand resource base,
potential clients • Gain insight; learn new
information • Increase business
opportunities • Differentiate yourself • Be positively memorable • Have FUN
PERSONAL • Assist others; give back • Make others comfortable • Build self-confidence • Develop personal comfort • Make new friends • Pursue personal interests • Acquire new knowledge • Develop new interests • Do a scary thing today • Have FUN
Chutzpah + Charm = Magic!!
Chutzpah • Desire to go • Boldness to converse • Courage to connect • Cornerstone of
confidence • Intestinal fortitude • (Traditional negative
connotations – gall, rude, brassiness, intrusive, offensive)
Charm • Warmth • Good Nature • Positive attitude • Good sense of humor • Charisma • Spirit • Energy • Enthusiasm • Interest in others
• Be keenly aware of others’ feelings, regardless of title or position.
• Remember the gatekeepers who influence
decision makers. Also, today’s gatekeeper may be tomorrow’s decision maker.
• People remember people who make them
feel special and comfortable; who are conversant; whose demeanor makes them smile.
The Sleaze Factor How NOT to Work a Room
• Being obvious in working a room. • Make others feel uncomfortable. • Be self-absorbed……I, me, me, I,……. • Push their own agenda, product, or services. • Drink too much. • Tell off-color, inappropriate jokes. • Have no interest in those who can’t help them. • Just work to make their contact quota. • Make fun of others as a “conversation ploy”. • Size up people based on “titles”. • Looking beyond person to see who else is in the room.
Prepare Before You Go
! Adopt a positive attitude. ! Identify benefits of the event. ! Take your business cards. ! Prepare for small talk. ! Make eye contact and smile. ! Practice your handshake.
Strategies for Working a Room
! Plan your entrance ! Use the Buddy System ! Rescue a White-Knuckle Drinker ! Leverage name tags ! Develop name and face recall skills ! Practice great opening lines….simple works ! Joining in – breaking and entering ! Moving on – extricating yourself and others
Plan Your Entrance
! Google directions to event to relieve stress. ! Be on time – avoid grand entrances; being a
little early facilitates an informal host role. ! Walk well into the room….no wallflowers;
don’t block the entrance, don’t monopolize greeter, registration area.
! Survey the layout – greeter/host, food, bar, registration, seating, tables, dance floor, restrooms, entertainment, name tag color conventions, special features,..….
Use the Buddy System
! Arrive together to feel more comfortable. ! Introduce each other…..your own PR person;
can flatter you in ways you cannot. ! Don’t become Siamese Twins. ! Split up to meet twice as many people;
introduce each other later…..host role. ! Develop a “Rescue Me” signal to extricate
each other from boring, negative situations
Rescue the Wallflowers and White-Knuckle Drinkers
• Be a host to persons standing alone; helps you mingle, meet newcomers, and connect; they will welcome the attention.
• When you focus on others’ comfort more than your own, your self-consciousness disappears.
• You will become memorable.
Leverage Name Tags
• Gives permission to address; offers an immediate connection; minimizes threat
• Use name; we all like to hear our name. • Creating our own name tag gives latitude in
providing memorable hook for others. • Place name tag on right chest for highest
visibility when shaking hands. • Wear a name tag even at “no name tag”
times….. read Hello, My Name Is Scott, by Scott Ginsberg, The Name Tag Guy.
Forgotten Names and Faces
• Admit memory lapse…..with humor, smile. • Offer your name to avoid other’s memory
lapse….make them comfortable. • Slowly, clearly, distinctly pronounce your
name…..give a hook for unusual names. • Repeat other’s name; assists memory;
makes others feel important, respected.
Great Opening Lines
• No Lounge Lizard, pickup openings. • Simple works!!! • Smile and make eye contact. • Positive, upbeat, enthusiastic, energetic. • Provide hook around common link –
event, organization, view, venue, food; avoid negative, too personal insight.
• Use Observe, Reveal, Ask Technique.
Joining In – Breaking and Entering
! Include versus intrude. ! Note body language and verbal tone for
clues whether to approach or pass. ! Select groups of 3 or more having fun. ! Position near group periphery. ! Give only warm, positive, open body
language signals…..no verbal interruptions.
Joining In – Breaking and Entering (Continued)
• Only when group member invites via verbal, eye, or physical gesture, are you free to join.
• Smile, greet, confirm permission to join. • BRIEFLY acknowledge current topic. • Do not change the topic. • Do not hi-jack, monopolize the conversation.
Joining In – Breaking and Entering (Continued)
• Be open to inviting others into group – makes you memorable for being gracious.
• Don’t interrupt a member’s comments. • At a lull, step back to widen circle,
welcome, greet, receive the newcomer.
Conversation Interrupters • Be gracious, but firm. • Acknowledge the person, by name if possible. • Smile. (You can say almost anything to almost
anyone without offending if delivered with a warm simile.)
• Thank person for saying “Hello”. • Indicate your need to complete your current
discussion….”With your permission,….” • Convey that you will catch up with them shortly.
Moving On - Extricating Yourself and Others
• Not rude to move on; you are expected to mingle and circulate.
• Dwell only 7-9 minutes maximum; may return later.
• Always personally thank the formal host or whoever is in charge before you leave.
• Avoid lengthy exits – when ready to leave – LEAVE!!!
Moving On - Extricating Yourself and Others
Extrication Strategies
• Exit One – at break; extend your hand/offer wave gesture; say great talking; smile; go.
• Exit Two – if with a bore or closed person, say “I hope you enjoy the event”; smile; go….move at least ¼ of the room away.
• Exit Three – Be a host; “rescue” another of the group along with yourself; say “Excuse me, I’d like to introduce Joe to Hank over there”. Your kindness will be memorable.
Keys to Lively Conversation Conversation changes the course of history.
• Sincere interest in people - most important characteristic of a good communicator.
• Enthusiasm is contagious. • Be in the moment; not mentally distracted. • Small talk is not small…..builds big business,
strong relationships. • Information is power. • Use humor……prudently. • Listen actively.
Prepare for Conversation
• Read newspaper daily – all sections. • Read newsletters, professional journals,… • Take notes, record, clip and collect. • Monitor current fads for awareness. • Use humor. • Observe other good conversationalists. • Learn to listen and comprehend. • Practice, Practice, Practice.
Humor
• Humor is the Soul of Life. • Just let go. He who laughs…..LASTS!!!!! • No Hillary cackles….record, listen to your laugh. • Humor is the quality of being funny; having the
ability to perceive, enjoy, and convey that which is widely received as funny by others.
• Critical that it be appropriate, tasteful, timely. • Learn to laugh at ourselves, or we will miss most
of the humor in life. • Some just don’t get it!!! Don’t be that one. • Practice, practice, practice.
Active Listening Skills
• Eye contact…..not deranged serial killer stare. • Nodding…..acknowledgement, not “OFF”. • Smile, laugh…….with, not at. • Ask relevant questions; indicates interest. • Make statements reflecting similar experiences;
builds connections. • Body language – open, receptive, positive. • Bring the conversation full circle…...participate.
Fatal Conversation Errs
• Lack of preparation • Not being well read • Overwhelming conversation - question barrage. • Being a know-it-all. • Being argumentative, complaining, neagative. • Competing by one-upping others. • Interrupting. • Not listening. • Putting down another individual.
ETIQUETTE and MANNERS
• Etiquette – usages and rules for behavior in polite society, official, and professional life.
• Manners – wonderful combination of courtesy, caring, and common sense.
• Manners say volumes about us, our character. Manners and character are inseparable.
• Know and stay current with the constantly changing rules of etiquette.
• Observe the rules. • Do so graciously.
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