"i'm not a boy, i'm a princess!"
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"I'm not a boy, I'm a Princess!“Working with Gender Variant Children
Morganne Ray Crouser, LICSWTranslating Identities Conference
October 10, 2015
Gender Identity
Sex
Gender Expression
The Basics
LanguageTransgender
Gender ExpansiveGender Nonconforming
Gender VariantGender Liberated
Genderqueerand…
Gender Dysphoria
Put on Your Own Oxygen MaskNo matter how experienced and/or enlightened we are,
cultural norms and systems of oppression still have ways of sneaking into our perceptions and reactions.
Checking and challenging internalized cis-sexism is a constant battle that requires frequent attention.
Safety First- Be aware of federal, state and local laws and policies that
protect transgender children (GLAD and Lamda Legal are good resources for this)
- Respond immediately to reports of harassment/violence of any kind to ensure the child’s safety
- Support the child in making informed decisions about when and where to express aspects of their gender, in order to strike a balance between authenticity and safety
Who did you confide in as a child?
Why did it feel safeto do so?
Create a Supportive Environment- Keep conversations confidential
(and disclose early if you are a mandated reporter)- Avoid making assumptions- Use inclusive, affirming, nonjudgmental, and gender-neutral
language- Don’t ask questions just to quell your curiosity- Trust that the child knows themself
Supporting the families
Initial Family ReactionsFear – “Is my child safe? Will people hurt them?”
Guilt – “What did I do wrong?”
Uncertainty – “Is my child actually a boy or a girl?”
Loss – “My boy/girl is gone forever.”
Worry – “Will my child be able to get a job?”
Anger – “I didn’t choose this!”
Hurt - “Why does this have to happen to me?”
Yes, Talk to these Folks- co-parent- therapist- adult friends- support groups- service providers- other helpful adults
No Thank You- the Child- the Child’s siblings- any other children
Process those Tough Feelings with:
Siblings can talk to parents, therapists, and other supportive adults to process their feelings. There are even sibling support
groups!
Supporting Families- Provide resources for families to learn more and connect
with other families of gender variant children.- Validate the parents’ fears and concerns for their child’s
health and safety, while correcting misinformation.- Support families in requiring respect from extended
family, schools,. service providers, etc. - Encourage families to keep documentation illustrating the
child’s “gender journey” in order to educate others when necessary
Working with little kids
Child Development
Age 4 – understand gender and can define “boy” and “girl”
Age 5 - understand that biological sex does not change
Age 6 - reinforce gender normative behavior among peers
What is Actually Distressing?Academic Struggles, Poor Hygiene, Social Problems, Angry Outbursts, Anxiety, Oppositional Behaviors, Withdrawal, Hyperactivity, Disassociation, Sibling Rivalry, Psychosis, Impulsivity, Depression, Attention Difficulties, Mood
Disturbances, Overactive Imagination, Communication Issues
-or-
Feeling constantly invalidated and/or invisible?
Be an Advocate- Stay cool, calm and collected- Assume competence and best intentions- Know the rights and protections afforded the child- Provide specific, relevant resources
Schools – “Schools In Transition” by the ACLU, Gender Spectrum, HRC, NCLR & NEA
Sports Teams – “On the Team” by Pat GriffinDoctors – “Affirmative Care for Transgender & Gender Non-Conforming
People” by the Fenway InstituteFaith Communities – “Transitioning to Inclusion” by the CLGS
- Follow up and offer support- Bring back up when necessary
Working with big kids
Fitting in with Peers Find one’s Authentic Self
Adolescent DevelopmentCompeting Developmental Tasks
- versus -
pressure to “decide”concerted effort given to passing within the binary
increased urgency regarding transition
Good ChoicesTrans youth need to know how to keep themselves safe and healthy. They may need support in choosing how to navigate situations like:
- Coming out- Dating- Sex- Finding/making community- Using gendered public spaces
(bathrooms, locker rooms, etc)- Transition options
20 Questions!
Know Your Stuff- Educate yourself on transition options available to
transgender youth- Be aware of health care protocols like the
Primary Care Protocol for Transgender Patient Care and the WPATH Standards of Care
- Become familiar with financial resources such as grants from Jim Collins Foundation, Point 5cc and TUFF
Know When You Don’t KnowIt’s okay not to have all the answers to every question. It’s even okay not to have answers to most of the questions.
-but-It is also important to connect the child with someone who does have the answers, or can help them find the answers.For specialists in your area, check with your local LGBTQ Center or look online for resources including:- World Professional Association for Transgender Health
(Find a Provider)- Gay and Lesbian Medical Association
(Resources: For Patients: Find a Provider)
Take Home Points- Let the child lead- Adults should get support from other adults- Do your research- Support informed decision making- Refer out when necessary
Want to Get In Touch?
mcrouser@jri.org
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