inviting family partnerships working together to support children’s development
Post on 24-Dec-2015
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Inviting Family Partnerships
Working together to support children’s
development
Family Partnerships?
• Working with parents for the good of children
• Developing the value of the center as a resource for families
• Fulfilling your mission of making a lasting difference in the community
Why?
• The center can’t do it alone: parents are key
• Children whose parents are engaged in their development develop better
• Parents don’t become engaged automatically – building partnership is up to YOU
Who Is This “You”?
• Everyone at the center is included• Everyone at the center is responsible• Everyone at the center sends a
message…
…the essential thing is what that message is!
What you do andhow you do it
make all the difference for parents and families
This Is What We’re About
• What it takes to get parents engaged• Why inviting parents is part of what
you do• Tips for inviting parents• Creating your own invitational action
plan
How Do ParentsView Your Center Now?
• Do they see your center only as a convenience?
• Do they see themselves only as consumers?
• Do they see you as just an employee?• Do they see you as a critic?
How Do YOUView Your Center Now?
• Do you see your center as just day care?
• Do you believe you work only with children?
• Do you see parents only as moms and dads?
• Do you see yourself as the one who knows best?
To engage parents as partners in children’s
development, we must change their ideas…
and maybe change our own
What Are You Thinking?
Making Engagement Possible
• Families come to us with some beliefs about themselves, their children… and about us
• Understanding these beliefs helps us help families
• Understanding these beliefs help us understand ourselves too
Role-Based Ideas That Affect Engagement
• No childcare should be “just day care”
• Parent and staff roles overlap• Partnership requires valuing and
respect• Success of a whole family success
of a child
But… there are also personal ideas that get in
the way…
Personal Ideas That Affect Engagement
• Trait or Mastery orientation• Fear or Hope motivation• Good and bad Possible Selves
Trait or Mastery Orientation?
• Trait orientation: – “I’ve always been this way”– “This is how I am”
• Mastery orientation:– “This has been my experience”– “I suppose I could change”
For example…
Trait Orientation
I’m not good at thatI can’t do thatI don’t like doing that
Mastery Orientation
I ‘m not good at that yetI can’t do that yetI haven’t learned to like
that yet
Stop And Think…
Do you lean toward a Trait Orientationor a
Mastery Orientation?
Fear or Hope Motivation?
• Fear motivation: – “If I tried that, bad things could
happen.”– “I want to do things the way I’ve always
done”
• Hope motivation:– “If I tried that, good things could
happen”– “I want to do things that will make a
difference”
For example…
Fear Motivation
I might do it wrongI might mess things
upI don’t want to stand
out
Hope Motivation
I might be successfulI might make a
differenceI want to take a
chance
Stop And Think…
Do you tend to be motivated by Fearor byHope?
Also… we are guided by Possible Selves.
We also think of our children’s Possible Selves.
Good and Not-so-goodPossible Selves
• Good possibilities–My child could be a good student– I might become a change-maker in my
community
• Limiting possibilities–My child could struggle in school like I
did– I might never be happy
Where Do We Get Our Possible Selves?
• From our family history• From what’s happened to others we
know• From what we’ve heard about on TV• From our own secret hopes and fears
Stop And Think…
How do your own Possible Selvesand ones you imagine for
your childreninfluence what you decide to do?
Parents come to uswith a lot of ideas
that might get in the way of being fully engaged intheir children’s development.
Parents’ Limiting Ideas
• “My family is stuck with who we are”• “If we try to change bad things will
happen”• “I don’t want you to know who I
really am” • “Nothing at child care matters very
much”• “People at the center don’t really
care”
Our success in engaging parents in partnership
depends on our ability to overcome limiting beliefs.
What Are You Thinking?
Our job is to invite parents to think differently.
I don’t mean “invite” like “invite to a party”
I mean feeling welcomed.
When did you feel truly welcomed?
Dis-InvitingInviting
In what way is your center inviting to parents?
How is it dis-inviting?
Sending Inviting Messages
• Smiling• Listening• Including everybody• Respecting cultural and personal
differences• Offering guidance and support
(avoiding prescriptions and arguments)• Staying flexible
Inadvertent Dis-invitations
• Schedules that exclude some families• Signs and messages that are
discourteous• Activities ignore cultural/personal
differences• Worn or outdated or dirty surroundings • Rules administered punitively
Think of your own center…
Intentionally Invitational
Some of us are intentionally dis-invitingSome of us are unintentionally dis-inviting
Some of us are unintentionally inviting
More of us could be moreintentionally inviting
How Can We Send Invitations?
What can happen tomorrowthat would be viewed by parents
and families as more invitational?
Five Ways Invitations Are Made*
• People – what people do and say• Places – how places look, smell,
sound, feel• Processes – how things are done• Policies – how what is done is
worded • Programs – what we can do together
*And dis-invitations too!
Put This Into A StarPeople
Places
ProcessesPolicies
Programs
What People Say And DoPeople
Places
ProcessesPolicies
Programs
CourteousInclusiveRespectfulOptimisticAccessibleCheerfulCaringFair
How Places Look… People
Places
ProcessesPolicies
Programs
CleanUnclutteredNo odorSafeQuietRight-sizedEasy to findWelcoming
How Things HappenPeople
Places
ProcessesPolicies
Programs
Processes existFairConsistentUncomplicatedLocalFlexibleHuman-centered
How Processes Are SharedPeople
Places
ProcessesPolicies
Programs
Accessible to allInclusive languageEasy to readEasy to findClearFlexibleHuman-centered
What We Do TogetherPeople
Places
ProcessesPolicies
Programs
Obvious valueOpen to everyoneAsset-focusedFunMatch the mission
Everyone Can Be Invitational Five Ways
• In what we do and say• In how we maintain our spaces• In how we make things happen• In how we communicate the rules• In what we decide to do with
parents & kids
What Are You Thinking?
Where Were We…?
• It’s important to get parents engaged in children’s learning… BUT
• There may be role-based misconceptions
• There may be negative personal beliefs
• It’s everyone’s job to invite parents to think differently
What We Said About Invitations
• What we say and do can be inviting or not
• We can be invitational in five ways:– How we present ourselves– How things look and feel– How things are done– How the rules are communicated–What we do together with families
So… where are we going next?
• We will talk about barriers to sending and accepting invitations: parents’ barriers and YOUR barriers
• We will talk about taking action• We will make a written plan…
Barriers to Sending Invitations
• There’s not enough time• I’m not that nice• I’m not confident enough• Parents need direction (I need more
control)
• It’s not my job• Parents won’t accept my invitations
anyway
I Don’t Have Time
This is true: you don’t have time
But nothing else you do is quite so important as making parents feel invited
So… make time…
I’m Not That Nice
Becoming more nice is worth the effort• Notice when a judging thought
creeps in• Instead of giving advice, ask a
question• Instead of arguing, listen more• Confirm the emotion parents seem to
convey
I Don’t Feel Confident
• Your work is with adults as much as it is with children, because it is the family that’s key
• Remember that you and parents have similar hopes and fears
• Parents believe you are knowledgeable no matter how un-confident you feel
I Need More Control
• No one wants to be told what to do• Parents are the only ones who know
everything about their families• Control sometimes suits our own
convenience more than it helps the families we serve
It’s Not My Job
Oh, yes, it is!
No One Will Care
• Why do we believe parents won’t accept our invitations?
• Why don’t parents accept our invitations?
It Might Take A While For Invitations To Work
Why might that be?
Parents’ acceptance of our invitations is our problem.
It’s up to usto figure out how to make
being engagedin the center inviting.
What Are You Thinking?
Inviting Parents As Partners
What can you do to engage parents?
Think About Your Center
• Are there signs, voicemail messages, bulletin boards that need changing?
• Are there policies and processes that dis-invite?
• Does the center need some freshening up?
Think About Your Role
• How can you interact with parents more?
• How can you make your interactions more inviting?
• How can you address each of the 5 Ways in your role?
Think About Invitations
• How can you extend invitations to parents who never get involved?
• How can you invite men as much as women?
• How can you encourage “problem parents” to become positively engaged?
Now is the timeto
create a plan
Need Some Inspiration?
Think About Parents
• What are parents’ concerns and wishes?
• Imagine what a great partnership might look like
• Write it down
Make It Happen
• Create a written plan with clear goals• Set short timelines• Decide how to tell if you’re making
progress• Get started and follow through• Commit to success
What Did You Decide?
What Will You Do Today?
• Long-term goals are reached with small steps
• Set goals for today and this week• Check to see how you’re doing
today and this week
Keep Track
• Make it simple to measure progress• Write down what happens• Be curious!
This Is A Center-wide Effort
• Compare notes with other staff• Invite each other to stay invitational• Cheer everyone on!
What If…?
What if… I feel silly?
What if… I’m the only one at my center to try this?
What if… parents ignore my invitations?
What If…?
Why Parents May Not Respond
Distracted by survival needsLow expectations for successAfraid of changeFeelings of dis-invitation
From This Day Forward
• Be unfailingly invitational• Be patient: See this as a
challenging game
Remember… Getting parents engaged is a goal all its own.
If we can get parents engaged, children always will do better.
What Are You Thinking?
What Will You Do First?
Invite Yourself…
… To be bigger and more important than you’ve been
… To see more clearly what’s really going on for families at your center
… To make a real and lasting difference in the lives of children
Invite Yourself…
… to dream big
Keep in touch…
info@patricianananderson.comwww.PatriciaNanAnderson.com
PatriciaNanAndersonConsultantAndTrainer
Thank you!
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