managing conflict & strengthening work relationships prepared for montana state university...

Managing Conflict & Strengthening Work Relationships

Prepared ForMontana State University

January 2012

Suzanne McCorkle, Ph.D.

What happens when conflicts are not managed well?

To the work group

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?

?

To the individual

?

?

?

Causes of Conflict

Emotions

StyleInformation

Relationships

Substance

Values

Information Conflicts

• About data• Misinformation• Having different information• Which data to use • Not having enough information• Withholding information

Emotion conflicts • About feelings, ego, self-esteem,

feelings of entitlement• Arise when other conflicts get too ripe• Lead to exceptionally narrow thinking• Emotions short-circuit the ability to

reason and to listen

Value

conflicts

• About deeply rooted beliefs and feelings

• Religion, politics, work ethics• In some ways, easiest to manage in

work context

• About who we are to each other• Boss/subordinate, working relationships• Who has what authority?• Are we friends?• Can co-workers, students/professors have

deep relationships?• Do we have the same goals about our

relationship?

Relationship conflicts

Substance conflicts

• About real or perceived scarce resources• Money, time, space, equipment ….• Amenable to regular problem solving once

the issue is isolated

• About how to do things, how to communicate, which way to act is best

• Common with strong personalities• Frequent cause of annoyances• Causes conflict when style difference is seen as

obstruction

Style

conflicts

Quick Chat

What about other people’s communication really irritates you?

When styles clash, conflict often results.

Common Style Differences• Meeting management style• Single-taskers vs. multi-taskers• Verbal conversational style

DialectRapport vs. ReportPause Gap

• Personality style• Conflict style

Escalators/FractionatorsGeneral Conflict Style

• Cultural style

Collaborators

Competitors

Avoiders

What’s Your Conflict Style?

What are the Problems with Relying on One Style?

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What is the First Response to Types of Conflict?

• Information• Emotion• Substantive• Values• Relationship• Style

Check Perception Differences

Perceptionis not

objective

What do you see?

In Stress or Conflict…..• People revert to their basic style.• Make Self-Serving evaluations.

“I am thoughtful; you take all day

and can’t make a decision.”

Recognizing Perception Differences is a Skill

Perception Differences Cause Misunderstandings: Make Negotiation Harder

Moral =

Quick Quiz: What’s Your Decision-Making Preference?

Long Term Short Term

Fact Gut

By the Book Just Do It

Slow Fast

What’s Your Work Preference? Social Task-Oriented

Agenda Free-form

Agreeable Argumentative

Critical Creative

Mark Your Style of Expression

Loud Soft-spoken

Passionate Controlled

Confront Indirect

Say What You Think Concern for

Other’s Feelings

Go back and mark the style of your boss (or a co-worker).

Are there style differences?

If unrecognized, do these differences make negotiation harder?

Quick Chat1. Do you have a significant style difference

with a boss or co-worker?2. What can you do (mentally or in discussion

with the other) to prevent the style difference from hindering work happiness, productivity, or making negotiations more difficult?

Smart Negotiation #2: Always Work From Interests

26

Positions and demands are on the Surface

Interests or needs lurk under the waterline

Working at the “position” level is inefficient and may

harm relationships.

Conflict itself is normal.It is what we choose to do during conflict that leads to beneficial or

harmful results.

Apply McCorle’s Three Laws of Humane Responses to People Problems

The First Law: Save Yourself

The Second Law

Give the Other Person Every Chance

Photo by MichaelMarcol

The Third Law Care About the Future More than The Past

For Further General Reading

Personal Conflict Management: Theory and Practice (textbook)

Edition: 1stAuthors: McCorkle, Suzanne; Reese, Melanie J.ISBN10:  0205499880ISBN13:  9780205499885Format:  PaperbackPub. Date:  1/1/2010Publisher: Allyn & Bacon

Available at your personal favorite on-line book purchasing site.