mediation, conflict resolution & effective communication

MEDIATION, CONFLICT RESOLUTION & EFFECTIVE

COMMUNICATION

WHAT IS CONFLICT?

The Nature of Conflict• Conflict is an inevitable part of life. • Conflict signals a need for change. • Conflict can result in a learning

experience. • Conflict can be positive and productive.

If people express their feelings and needs in a positive and constructive way it reduces anxiety and prevents the escalation of conflict.

 • Conflict can lead to positive growth in

working and personal relationships. 

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The Third Side

• Fight• Flight/Freeze• The Third Side

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Conflict Resolution Styles 

Every person has their own style or way of handling themselves in a conflict. Some use a variety of styles while others depend solely on one.

 There are five distinct conflict resolution

styles: Avoidance (turtle) “Not now, maybe

later” It is easier to withdraw than to face difficult issues.

 Accommodation (teddy bear). “Let’s

try it your way”. Values relationships over goals and will give up on goals in order to be liked. 

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Conflict Resolution Styles   Compromise (fox) “Let's make a

deal” Looks for a solution where each gives up something

 Problem Solving (owl) “Let's work it

out together”. Values both goals and relationships

 Problem solving process is the only

conflict resolution style that allows for the potential of a win-win outcome.

 Confrontation (shark) “Hit head on” Tries to overpower opponents. Goals are important, relationships aren’t. 7

GETTING TO YES• Separate the People from the

Problems• Know Your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated

Agreement)• Focus on interests, not positions

or values• Explore options for mutual gain• Use objective criteria

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Win-Win Outcomes

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Conflict Ladder• Needs/interests

• Positions

• Values

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Positional Negotiation1. Assumes you know all the relevant

information

2. Goal is to convince the other side that your point of view makes the most sense

3. Tactics focus on “dividing the pie” or win/lose concessions

4. Compromise or concessionsstrain the working relationship

5. ZOPA (Zone of Possible Agreement) is minimized

Interest Based Negotiation

1. Avoids repetition or escalation of conflict2. Builds partnerships and community3. Increases commitment to action plans4. Creates transparency about decision making5. Clarifies shared and divergent interests6. Flexible and creative agreements7. Focuses time & energy on substance and positive outcomes8. Leads to durable agreements

Examples of Needs/Interests• Autonomy/ Freedom• Respect/ Fairness• Trust/ Reassurance• Equality/ Justice• Being heard/

Appreciation• Predictability/

Consistency• Acknowledgement/

Recognition

• Understanding/ Clarity• Growth/ Healing• Safety/ Shelter• Self worth/ Respect• Honesty/ Authenticity• Independence/ Choice• Support/ Cooperation• Friendship/ Sharing• Community/ Family

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The TruthAbsolute truth often does not

existTruth is often not the most important factor in a disputeFact-finding will often not resolve the problem between the partiesFact-finding raises the risk of

compromising the mediator’s neutralityMediators are not trained for fact- finding

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Start an information sharing conversation

1. “Unpack” a position: describe the meaning and why it is important to a person or organization

2. Clarify interests; acknowledge both shared and competing interests

3. Practice listening and conflict management skills

4. Use open-ended questions

Building Agreements1. Generate options based on

individual and joint interests

2. Evaluate options by setting priorities among interests

3. Use reality checks to test agreements

4. Consider “experiments” to test tentative agreements

5. Write detailed agreements and action plans

Managing Dirty TricksCreate ground rulesIgnore or call out bad behaviorName it: “I’m not sure that

yelling is really going to get us anywhere”

Ask what’s going on: “You seem really upset. How come?”

Reflect and diffuse strong emotion

Use repetition or silence Reinforce positive behavior Go to the balcony Try a different tool End the relationship

Listening Skills

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Absolute truth often does not existTruth is often not the most important factor in a disputeFact-finding will often not resolve the problem between the partiesFact-finding raises the risk of compromising the mediator’s neutralityMediators are not trained for fact-finding

The Truth

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3 LEVELS OF LISTENING

•Facts (what)

•Needs (why)

•Emotions (how)

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Eight Ways We Don’t Listen • Mind Reader

Thinking “what is the person really thinking or feeling?” • Rehearser - “Here’s what I’ll say next.” • Filterer - Selective listening • Dreamer - Drifting off • Identifier

Referring everything to your own experience • Derailer

Changes the subject quickly • Sparrer

Belittle or discount • Placater

Agree with everything to be nice or to avoid conflict  Source: The Writing Lab, Purdue University Press 

MEHRABIAN’S RULE

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Breaker Switches/Hot Buttons

• Things that drive you crazy• Types of people for whom you have

limited tolerance• Character traits that cause you to

lose patience

Managing Hot Buttons/Breaker Switches

• Self-awareness• Go to the balcony• Count• Breathe• Silence• I’m outta here!• Others?

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Conflict Management Toolbox

1. Listen Actively

2. Reframe/restate/

3. Reflect emotions

4. Intervene as little as possible, but as much as is necessary

5. Use of Silence

6. Look for apologies

7. Look for areas of agreement   33

Conflict Management Toolbox 7. Reality Testing/BATNA 8. Brainstorming 9. Find the Interests Underlying

the Positions  10. Caucusing/Shuttle Diplomacy 11. Use Objective measuring tools 12. Be Future-Oriented 

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QUESTIONING TECHNIQUES

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Closed-ended Questions

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Open-ended Questions

USE OF SILENCE

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REFLECTING EMOTIONS

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Reality TestingTell me what that will look like?

How will that work?

What happens if we are not able to reach an agreement in mediation?

Have you gotten any legal or other professional advice?

People Mediation!A Recent study by the Center for Conflict Resolution showed the characteristics of mediation most favored by participants are:

• Ability to use their own vocabulary;• Having enough time to tell their

story;• Being listened to;• Feeing empowered to generate and

craft options and solutions41

What is NYSAMP?

The New York State AgriculturalMediation Program is one of 35 programs around the country, funded by the United States Department of Agri-culture, that provide conflict Management services for cases Involving agricultural producers.

In NYS, the funds are administered by the NYS Unified Court System and the NYS Dispute Resolution Association. Services are offered in all 62 counties of the state.

COMMUNITY DIALOGUE ON CHALLENGING ISSUES

We can help you host productive, respectful conversations on challenging issues facing your community Dialogue and discourse; not argument and debate

Sample Principles and Ground Rules for Community Conversations

Everyone is encouraged to participate.

No one or two individuals dominate.

All the major choices or positions on the issue are considered.

We remember that conversation is the natural way humans think together.

Seek to understand rather than persuade

We listen to each other.

Speak from the heart.

Be brief

One person talks at a time. Don’t cut people off.

We expect it to be messy at times.

4 Pine West Plaza; Suite 411; Albany, NY 12205Peter Glassman -- Statewide Director of the NYS Agricultural

Mediation Programpeter@nysdra.org