our lady of alice bhatti mohammed books hanifluck’ –and her muslim suitor,...

Our Lady ofAlice BhattiMohammedHanif

62 www.timeout.com/london October 20 – 26 2011

The coalition, the cuts and studentfees. The recession, the riots andresignations. The MPs’ expenses,

the super-injunctions, and Hackgate.Boris Johnson. To paraphrase HaroldMacMillan, satirists have never had itso good. And yes, with sales of PrivateEyeas high now as they’ve ever been(the recent ‘Gotcha!’ cover sawcirculation soar to 253,000), thefortnightly publication must be feelingpretty pleased with itself.

But while it may be considered badform to be cracking open bottles ofbubbly in an era of economic andpolitical gloom, by happy coincidencethis year marks both Private Eye’sfiftieth birthday and the twenty-fifthanniversary of Ian Hislop’s editorship.So, perhaps we can forgive the Eye– asit’s affectionately known – for being alittle giddy and self-congratulatory asthis disgraceful year wheezes to a close.

To commemorate these milestones,this month sees the publication of‘Private Eye: The First Fifty Years’ – ahefty hardback A-Z written by one ofthe Eye’s self-styled ‘hacks’, AdamMacQueen – the ‘2011 Private EyeAnnual’ and an exhibition of cartoons,covers, and memorabilia at the V&A.

Eschewing ‘yet another dry weightytome on the satire boom’, MacQueenopted to write a casual-reader-friendlyA-Z which can be ‘perused cover-to-cover or kept beside the toilet anddipped into as and when’. Despite being

self-published by the Eyeafter theinitial co-publishers dropped out (‘libelfears’ says MacQueen), the A-Z is nopuff-piece. MacQueen was able to writethe book free from editorial control,and when he did finally present theproofs to Ian Hislop for approval, theeditor ‘simply pointed out three typosand suggested that one item wasperhaps a little disingenuous towardsthe individual involved and so we hadit removed’.

Like the fortnightly publication, theA-Z flits from serious hard newsstories (such as the Lockerbie bombingand the sales of arms to Iraq) to pokingfun at the pompous and self-regarding.It also contains substantial andheartfelt profiles of Eyealumni, such asPeter Cook and Paul Foot. MacQueensays Foot was a ‘model for alljournalists… simply the bestjournalist of his generation’. He goes onto claim that the A-Z ‘reflects the socialhistory of Britain over the last 50years’. This is true. We should alsopoint out that it is very, very funny.

And so to the V&A, where museumcurator Julius Bryant is preparing toopen the Private Eye exhibition to thepublic. At the centre of this exhibitionare the Eye’s cartoons: the V&Acollects graphic humour – fromHogarth to Eyepredecessors such asPunchand The llustrated LondonNews– and Bryant views the Eyeas‘patrons of graphic humour,

continuing thistradition’. While

Bryant praises thesatirical sheet for its

design (with itstrademark ‘bubble

covers’ and endearinglyshabby, vaguely

counter-culture look), heis also highly

complimentary about itscontent: ‘[It’s] brilliant

investigative journalism, combinedwith intelligent humour to sweetensome of the bitterest of pills.’

Also on display is a floor-to-ceilingwall of the most striking and iconicfront covers and, in glass cabinets,various trophies on loan from the Eye’sSoho offices. Among the expectedsolicitors’ letters and writs, also ondisplay are such priceless objets d’artas a stuffed dog, an inflatable banana,and – perhaps most impressive of all –the leather armchair that once belongedto the Eye’s nemesis, Robert Maxwell,which, in the words of MacQueen, was‘donated to the office by a reader whobought it in the fire sale which followedthe fat fraudster’s death’.

As for the next 50 years, MacQueenremains modestly optimistic: ‘As longthe Eyekeeps looking forward andcontinues to break stories we’ll justkeep banging on…’ The creativity ofthe Eye is said to thrive thanks to anoffice environment that is artfullychaotic so you’re recommended to getdown to the V&A pretty sharpishbefore the editors comes to reclaimtheir inspirational clutter.

‘Private Eye: The First 50 Years:An A-Z’ by Adam MacQueen and the‘2011 Private Eye Annual’ are outnow. The V&A show runs untilJanuary 8 2012. See ‘Around Town’for listings.

Set in dirtiestKarachi, ‘OurLady of AliceBhatti’ is atragicomedy ofShakespeareanproportions aswell as anunlikely lovestory about oureponymousheroine, low-

caste Catholic Alice Bhatti – thekind of girl who ‘doesn’t attractluck’ – and her Muslim suitor, body-builder-come-police gopher,Teddy Butt.

Working as a nurse at the SacredHeart Hospital for All Ailments,Alice has seen enough women‘shot or hacked, strangled orsuffocated, poisoned or burnt,hanged or buried alive’ to havelearned that attracting attentionoften means tempting fate too. But with a figure that is a ‘miracleof malnutrition… that many girls of her age would kill for’, getting by unnoticed is harder than it ought to be.

Alice has learned that what shecan’t avoid she must fight her waypast (‘What use was your faith if itdidn’t give you the strength andskills to break a few bones?’) andwhen a relative of a VIP patient atthe hospital demands she suck hisflaccid penis, Alice responds bymaking him hard and then drawingthe razor blade she keeps in hercoat pocket.

It is after this incident that Alicefinds herself the subject of Teddy’ssavage and strangely sweetcourtship. Though at times hard-faced, Alice is not withoutoptimism; and as she cautiouslyenters into a relationship withTeddy, it is with the hope of findingnot just personal safety, but realfeelings of tenderness.

If Alice’s downfall is anticipatedfrom the outset, that doesn't makethe series of miscommunicationsand misinformation that are herundoing any sweeter to swallow.Even the apparent miraculousresurrection of a stillborn babyserves only to darken the horizon.Yet, ‘Our Lady of Alice Bhatti’ isnot despairing; it’s dark but notbleak. Humanity blooms in a desertof cruelty and misfortune, and theside story of 17-year-old Noor,Alice’s friend from borstal, and hisdying mother is both sad andsurprisingly uplifting. Rachel Platt

The Eye has itThe scourge of dodgy MPs and bentmedia moguls hits its half century.Wayne Gooderham exposes Private Eye’s birthday celebrations

Jonathan Cape £12.99

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BOOK OF THE WEEKBooksEdited by Chris Mosstwitter.com/timeoutbooks

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