the vetinari dualegacy chapter 3

Welcome back to the Vetinari Dualegacy! To recap, the Dualegacy is concurrent Legacies--an Uglacy and a Prettacy, where the Founders, Isaac and Orson, are identical twins. The hottie you see up there is PseudoBruty, the Uglacy spouse.

She survives.

These two are Calista and Isaac Vetinari, of the Prettacy. Isaac's an Aries 5/6/6/3/5 Pleasure Sim with a LTW of 50 Dream Dates, which got derailed when they had twins. Calista's a Cancer 6/3/6/4/6 Family Sim with the LTW to graduate 3 kids from college.

Generation 2 of both Legacies is named after trees. The tall one's Banyan, a Gemini 2/7/10/3/7 Popularity Sim who wants to reach the top of the music career. The short one's Juniper, an Aries 5/6/6/3/5 just like her dad and uncle.

And this is Sycamore, Juniper's twin sister. She's an Aries born 10/10/9/3/1, although Calista has managed to Encourage her up to 3 whole nice points. Suspicions for her personality fall on her cousin Larch, due to his Eeevilness and the fact that he was the last one to feed her before she became a toddler, and joked about making her Eeevil.

These are the Uglacy Founder and spouse, Orson Vetinari and PseudoBruty. I believe her real name is Yvette, but PseudoBruty sums it up pretty well. Orson, like Isaac, is Aries 5/6/6/3/5, but he's a Popularity Sim who reached his LTW of Celebrity Chef. PseudoBruty is a Knowledge Sim who reached her LTW of Criminal Mastermind. She's a Virgo 9/2/6/3/5, so the personality of their sons is a bit of a mystery.

Here are the voodoo children themselves: the noogie donor is Larch, the elder of the two, and the noogie recipient is Cypress. Cy is also the unfortunate result of First-Born Effect. I say unfortunate because Larch is an Aries 10/10/9/3/1--yup, ONE nice point, and no one in the house with enough to change that. He's Eeevil. So is Cypress.

Larch, doing his impersonation of the Fonz. "Eeeeeeyyyyyy!"Larch is a Family Sim with the LTW to reach the top of the education career."The better to mold young minds... to Eeevil!"He's the Gen 2 Uglacy heir. Because the First-Born Effect left both him and Cypress with one nice point, it was a tough call, but Orson decided that Family Sim Larch would make a better heir than Knowledge Sim Cypress, especially knowing that jealousy for the heir would be inevitable, and that an Eeevil spare poses a threat to the Uglacy. He determined that only a Family Sim would protect his family from the spare.Cypress knows nothing of the decision.

Cypress giving the finger-gun back at Larch. Their conflict may be inevitable, but they're friends as of now.Cy is a Knowledge Sim with the LTW to reach the top of the journalism career."You know what they say--You furnish the pictures, I'll furnish the war!"I'd rather there wasn't a war, thanks. ...And no more quoting William Randolph Hearst at me!

On with the story!

"Hey, Orse, glad you could make it to my birthday."

"Wait, birthday? Oh, crap! If you're going old and gray, then I'm next!"Sadly, yes. I've gone Elixir cold turkey.

And so Isaac goes gray.

"He's still my Silver Fox! Meee-yow!""Do I still get to date?"Yes."All right!"

"Now, Orson, I'm not saying it's your fault that your son made my daughter evil...""Uh, yeah, you kind of are, Isaac! Lay off!""I just wanted a minion, Dad, Uncle I!""Hey, I have three nice points now. I'm slightly less Eeevil than I was."

"Hmmmm... conversation with my minion!"

"OK, minion, it's very important that you remember all the things I'm going to tell you!""It's Sycamore, bub. And just YOU remember how many nice points I have. I don't make you mad, you don't make me mad."

"OK, first rule! Never let ANYONE talk you out of doing Eeevil. Playing fair is for sissies. Only losers don't cheat at chess.""Gotcha. Lots of cheating. Check."

"Secondly, make sure you always have the upper hand around your siblings. If they're not working for you as minions, they're against you, and must be stopped at all costs!"

"Whoa crap, I gotta get me some minions quick! Can't let Larch amass an army."

"Hey Bana! Wanna be my minion?""You're a very strange person, Cy."

"Seriously! Minioning is where it's at! All the cool kids are doing it!""I kind of think I'll pass."

"Do you know how many friends you can make as a minion? It's a great way to network.""Awesome! I'm in!"

"So your brother made my sister Sycamore Eeevil? That's so awesome, I didn't know you could do that!""All that and more can be yours as a minion of the great Cypress Vetinari. Aren't you glad you joined up?""So where are all these other people I get to meet?""Uh... Hiding at my secret minion lair. Yeah, that's it."

Isaac gets a makeover."Hey, isn't this just my work uniform with a haircut, stubble, and a pair of glasses?"You maybe wanted grandpa armpit-rise pants and a plaid shirt? We're all happier with you like this.

And the very next day...

Juniper and Sycamore grow up! That's June on the left and Cami on the right. Time for the roll of the die!*swearing**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**headdesk**incoherent sobbing**more swearing**more incoherent sobbing*

PLEASURE. They BOTH rolled Pleasure. I watched the die bounce across the floor, tumbling and turning, and it came up six TWICE. June wants to reach the top of the Gamer career and Cami wants to be a Professional Party Guest.

*headdesk* THREE Pleasure Sims in the same house at the same time, all of whom have three serious/playful points. Could this get any more miserable? *headdesk* *sobbing*

Banyan got the Vetinari jaw for sure, but she also got Calista's nose. She's also, like, the uber-Popularity Sim. Half the thought bubbles in the house have her in them, and even people wandering by that she's never met will think about her. Her family will have conversations about her--it's really strange, and it doesn't happen with anyone else.

Sycamore also inherited the Vetinari jaw. She looks a lot like Banyan, only with thinner eyebrows. There's nothing in the rules that says the spares have to re-roll for aspiration, so I can just change hers in college since she won't be my heir.

Juniper after her makeover. Of the three girls, it seems like she inherited Isaac's nose, but not the Vetinari jaw. Got some chubby cheeks, but in a cute way, not in a Chucky Chipmunk way. Pleasure or not, I think June's my heir. I also don't think I'll re-roll for aspiration in college; her LTW is easily doable, and if for whatever reason Isaac doesn't die in Platinum, June will give me a Platinum Pleasure grave. Plus I think she rocks her features the best out of any of them.

"Say, honey, do you still find me attractive?""Did we ever have any lightning bolts?""Well, no, not really, but will you still WooHoo with little old me?"

"Heck yeah--Family Sim, remember?"

They should get lightning bolts now--I changed her turnons to white hair and glasses, and I'll change his to white hair and makeup once she ages up.

"Will you still love me when I've gone the way of my brother?""Sure, Orton! Why not?"*sigh* "It's Orson with an 's', honey."

"How would you like to be a minion? There's good work in minioning these days.""Why are we in the bathroom?""Can't risk my brother coming in and trying to steal away my minion!"

"Seriously, you'd make a great minion. I'm sure my other minion would love to meet you. In fact, I know she would; she's Popularity.""Hmmm. What are the benefits?""All the Eeevil you can stand to do!"

"Can I pick on people who are mean to me in the clubs?""Yes! Yes, you can! Pick on whoever you want!""I'm in!""Yesssss Minions!"

"Isaac! How's that being old thing going for you?""I have to pee."

And that's the last time we'll see this, folks--soon Orson will be old and crusty too.

"Grown up minion? When did that happen?""Yesterday. You kinda missed it. But I can totally do lots of Eeevil stuff today that I couldn't do then, so, awesome!"

"You make an excellent point, minion Sycamore!""I know. I'm a smart minion. Awesome! Gah, I need a new adjective--I've been hanging out with Bana too much."

"Listen, my brother Cypress is recruiting minions of his own. We have to stop him. I can't let him get more powerful than me. I think he's reeling in your sister Banyan.""I'll see what I can do."

"So my brother Larch has already made an Eeevil minion of Sycamore. It's up to you to stop them from getting Juniper as well."

"Hahaha! Larch doesn't know that I'm catching up to him in number of minions! He'll be shocked when he finds out."

"Keep it a secret, OK? Just between us?"*kaff kaff* "I'm right behind you, stupid. Jeez, have you been taking lessons from Dad again on how NOT to have private conversations?"

Big crowd turns out for Orson's birthday. From the left, it's Random Townie Cypress Minion, Sycamore, Banyan, Isaac, Cypress, Orson, PseudoBruty, and Larch.

The festivities begin! Make a wish, Orson.

"Well, I'd wish for no Eeevil children, but the time for that has come and gone. I guess I just wish for everything to turn out OK in the end."

Great googaly moogaly! My retinas are bleeding!

He looks altogether too happy for someone who's paired Goopy shorts with that polo shirt.

Muuuuuuuch better.

"Let's be friends! NOT!"

"That's what you get for being an enemy minion! There's more where that came from, Cami!"

"Whadda ya gonna do about it? Huh? You gonna cry about it?"

"Hahahaha--made you saaaad!"

"Sad nothing, jerkwad! Don't let these three nice points fool you--I can still give as good as I get!"

"Nobody pokes Cypress Vetinari and gets away with it!""We'll see about that."

Yup, four nice points between the two of them. And Banyan looks totally out of the loop. Didn't even step in when the poking started to cheer one or the other of them on.

"Bana, you're my favorite minion. Would you like to be my Number One Minion? That means you get my back when people start poking me and stuff."

"I'd love to!""Score! Human shield!"

"Hey, does anyone hear that noise? Sort of a beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep beeeeep?"

PseudoBruty manages to light herself on fire. Notice that the stove does not appear to be on fire, just PseudoBruty.

Depending on your outlook, it's fortunate or unfortunate that the fireman was there to save the day. I could go either way--I sort of need the Platinum Old Age grave, but I don't really like her.

Larch: "Best friends, huh?"Cy: "You know what they say..."Larch: "Keep your friends close..."Cy: "And your enemies closer."

"Cy, is Mom eating with us?""I think so! Bizarre, huh?"

"Lenny, would you like to introduce me to your little friend?""Mom, it's LARCH. Larch like the tree. Not Lenny, Larry, Luke, or Louie.""And I'm your son Cypress. Also like the tree. Your SON Cypress.""That's nice, Simon."

"Oh, Ormand, you make me feel like no one else before!""One, it's ORSON, and two, your head's through the wall."

PseudoBruty grows up. From the left, it's Juniper, Random Townie, Larch, Orson, PseudoBruty, Random Teen Townie, Cypress, and Sycamore.

"I wish for to not be PseudoBruty anymore!"

Oh, honey, we all wish for that.

"Whoooooooooooo..."

"...oooooooeeeeeewwwwwww"

That face just gets worse and worse.

Why do they even have a halter top as an option for elders? The skirt's not bad, but that shirt is a NO of epic proportions.

Cypress goes out to take care of some of that Want Panel Spam and encounters Random Idiot Townie."Hahaha! I poked your nose!"

"Hahahaha! I pranked him!""One nice point, Random Idiot Townie!"

"You have made a serious mistake, Random Idiot Townie. NO ONE annoys Cypress Vetinari!"

"Feel my wrath!"

"How dare you shock me, blondie?"

"I'm CYPRESS VETINARI! I am going to OWN this town some day, and you will bow down to me!"

"Urgh--no way will I do any bowing to you, creep!""Then how about some acid in the face?"

"Muahahahahahahahaha."

"FEAR ME, RANDOM IDIOT TOWNIE!"

"Some day I will hold the power of life and death in my hand, and you're on my list, right after my brother and Renee Zellweger!"Renee Zellweger?"She has shifty eyes."

For some reason, PseudoBruty goes out and looks at the portrait of Orson that Isaac did when they were in college. She Viewed it three or four times in a row. She approved.And then she went round to the other side of the wall...

...and looked at her own portrait. The reaction was somewhat less positive.

Hahahahaha--PseudoBruty can't even stand to look at herself!

*sob sob* "Aaaahhhhhh..."Aw, whassamatter, Larch?"Family Sim Aspiration in the red!" *snff snff snff*Poor kid. You wanna go on a date, buddy?"Mmmmhmmmm. You'll let me go on a date?"Look, you may be Eeevil, but you're my heir and I'm not unsympathetic to your plight. Go put on some normal clothes and go call Minion Girlfriend, OK?"Yaaay Minion Girlfriend!"

Larch and Minion Girlfriend fall in looooove.

Too bad it's only gonna last about three days. Minion Girlfriend's Romance; she's already rolling the want to have 2 loves at once. I have a feeling she's going to be a favorite around the Vetinari households for generations to come.

I thought Larch was the Eeevil one until I caught this facial expression on Minion Girlfriend. She looks oddly sinister here, although it could be a result of Random Voyeur Townies.

"You ROCK, Minion Girlfriend! Aspiration's out of the red already!""You're hott."

"And so, Minion Girlfriend, such riches and wonders can be yours as a continued minion of mine.""Gold's hott. You're hott. I'm hott. Wanna make out? Making out is hott."

"So it seems to me that the best way to maximize Eeevil potential is to diversify Eeevil enterprises in a carefully calculated pattern--""Wait--what?""Numbers are hott.""Oh, okay, that's better."

Like mother, like son? PseudoBruty does this to Orson all the time.

Larch heads off to college. In attendance are Minion Girlfriend and Orson. Cy's in the hot tub. Conspicuously absent? Yup--PseudoBruty.

Meanwhile, back at the Prettacy...

"Well, girls, there's something I need to say to you."Bana: "What, Daddy?""Your Uncle Orson and I are Legacy Founders. That means that we're responsible for setting our families up to go through ten generations. Each generation chooses an heir who's duty it is to get married and bring up the next generation. And I've started the Prettacy, which means my heir will have to marry someone attractive to try and get the most attractive child by the end of the last generation."

Cami: "What happens to the others? The non-heirs?""You get to graduate from college, move back to the neighborhood, and live in some nice motherloded house somewhere and live out the rest of your life however you see fit. The heir moves back here, has a couple of kids, and grows old."Bana: "Gosh, it's almost better to be the non-heir."June: "I don't know, the responsibility of being heir sounds sort of fun.""I'm glad you said that, June."

"Because you're my Generation 2 heir!"Cami: "Great, sis! Better you than me!"Bana: "That's awesome, June! You wanted it and you got it!"June: "I hope I can live up to you, Dad!"

Here she is, folks--Vetinari Prettacy Gen 2 heir!

Calista grows up. There were actually a bunch of other people here--Orson, PseudoBruty, Cypress, Larch, and her kids. Isaac went to work just before she aged, but I'm sure he was there in spirit.

Waaaay better than when this happened to PseudoBruty.

But still, everything's better with a makeover!

"Hey, boss, when'd you get so tall?""Started college. Grew up.""Nice duds.""Well, they're better than the alternative."Next chapter, Larch. Don't get ahead of yourself."Speaking of clothes, minion, you appear to be dressed in pink pajamas. Pink heart jammies are not traditionally thought of as minion wear.""Psssht--yeah, and green hoodies are really Eeevil."

"I hear there's plenty of chances for Eeevil in college, boss.""Yeah, and loads of dormies to make minions out of!""You're not replacing me, are you?""No way--you're still my Number One Minion!""Good, because if I find out that I'm not, you'd better sleep with one eye open, pal."

"I've heard Bana mentioning Cy. I know she's a minion of his, but I don't think she really understands about the Eeevil."

"That concerns me, Number One Minion. I can't let him get more powerful than me. The future of my family depends on it!""No worries, boss! I know her weak spot, and I'm sure I can convince her not to be his Number One Minion!""Yes, but she's popular. If your father chooses her...""You mean for the Legacy heir?""You know about that?""Sure, boss, Dad told us all about it the other day. He decided to make Juniper the heir.""I can live with that--I don't have to lose my Number One Minion. I'm the Uglacy heir, but whatever you do, don't mention anything about the Legacy to Cypress--he doesn't know a thing about it, and he doesn't know that I'm the heir. He won't be happy when he finds out, and he's Eeevil--unhappy Eeevil people can do some damage.""My lips are sealed!"

"Excellent, Number One Minion! You work on your sister, and I'll work on gathering new minions at college so that we can start our takeover when you arrive!""Sure thing, boss!"

And we leave these two to their Eeevil plotting. In Chapter 3.5, more Eeevil plans are hatched, and Banyan, Cypress, Sycamore, and Juniper head to college, where Larch is eagerly awaiting the arrival of his Number One Minion.