theatre hell

Theatre HellLaura Lavely

Theatre Hell… And you thought Hell Week was rough.

Act 1: Hitting the Wrong Note

Act 2: Gum Chewing

Act 3: Monotone

Act 4: Calling for Lines

Act 5: Forgetting Blocking

Act 6: Imitation

Act 7: Breaking the Fourth Wall

Act 8: Missing Dress Rehearsals

Act 9: Upstaging

Director/SatanMr. Applegate

is placed in the deepest circle of hell.

The ninth circle. He is

there to continue the punishments of those in that circle.

Stage Managers/ MinosMrs.

Applegate and Mr. O

are the minos of

hell. They decide

where each sinner bast fits. They

themselves reside in the first circle of

hell.

Act 1: Hitting the Wrong Note

The first circle of hell is reserved for those who failed to sing the correct notes. Their punishment is to endure endless pain by walking on shards of broken glass for all eternity.

Act 2: Gum Chewing

This circle of hell is for those who despite warnings decided to do the unthinkable and chew gum while on stage. They shall have to scrape all of the gum off of the bottom of the theatre seats with nothing but their mouths.

Act 3: MonotoneHere reside the

sinners who constantly bore

us with their single toned

performances. Their

punishment is to be eternally annoyed by

piercing, one pitched, sirens.

Act 4: Calling for Lines

Here is where those no good miscreants go who didn’t bother to learn their lines.

They are to be pelted with burning scripts.

Act 5: Forgetting Blocking

The fifth circle is where sinners who make the mistake of forgetting their blocking. They are attached to chains that pierce their skin and their every move is then controlled my their puppeteers…the stage crew!

Act 5, Scene 1: Facing Your Back to the Audience

This is for the sinners who need to be punished for facing up stage. They have hooks stabbed into their chests and backs and are constantly being pulled by techies at each end.

Act 5, Scene 2: Forgetting Dance StepsThis circle of hell

punishes those who have committed the sin of forgetting their dance steps. These sinners are forced to play DDR for all of eternity.

Act 6: Imitation The sixth circle is

for imitators. They are those actors who decided to take the easy way out and just use someone else’s interpretation of the character. They shall be eaten by demon parrots.

Act 7: Breaking the Fourth Wall

Those who commit this sin are placed in the seventh circle of hell. They are forever sentenced to build walls out of mere pebbles.

Act 8: Missing Dress Rehearsals

The unforgivable sin of missing a dress rehearsal gets you a direct ticket to the eighth circle of hell. The punishment for such a thing is to be hung from the cat walk by chains.

Act 8, Scene 1: Being Tardy

This circle is for those who fail to show up on time to rehearsal. They get the lovely punishment of becoming a human clock. (Their hands are the minute and hour hands…I sure hope there arms can make a 360 degree turn.)

Act 8, Scene 2: Missing a Saturday Rehearsal

Those who fail to show up to a Saturday rehearsal end up here. Their punishment is being nailed onto the back of the set walls.

Act 9: Upstaging

The most unforgivable sin of the theatre is upstaging. Once you commit this sin you will have your entire body stretched in every direction to the point where your limbs become dislocated. Once this happens, you painfully heal and the process starts all over again.