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Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 1
Headline
Subhead Trauma Informed Care 2.0
Conflict Management:
Escaping the Drama Triangle
Andrea Dalton, MA, MT-BC and Russell Anderson, MPA
Objectives
• Participants will explore conflict and
understand that it often triggers re-enactment
• Participants will define re-enactment (the
drama triangle) as behavior that is rooted in
the neurobiological effects of trauma
• Participants will learn empowering strategies
to escape the drama triangle, both in clinical
and personal interactions
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 2
Primary supporting slide Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Modes
Assertiveness
Focus on my
needs, desired
outcomes and
agenda
Cooperativeness
Focus on others’ needs and mutual relationships
Avoiding • Withdraw from the situation
• Maintain neutrality
Accommodating • Accede to the other party
• Maintain harmony
Compromising • Minimally acceptable to all
• Relationships undamaged
Competing • Zero-sum orientation
• Win/lose power struggle
Collaborating • Expand range of possible options
• Achieve win/win outcomes
Primary supporting slide Conflict is Constructive When It:
• Opens up issues of importance, resulting in
their clarification
• Results in the resolution of problems
• Increases the involvement of individuals in
issues of importance to them
• Causes authentic communication to occur
• Serves as a release to pent-up emotion,
anxiety, and stress
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 3
Primary supporting slide Conflict is Destructive When It:
• Diverts energy from more important activities
and issues
• Deepens differences in values
• Produces irresponsible and regrettable
behavior such as name calling and fighting
• Destroys morale or reinforces poor self-
concepts
• Polarizes groups and reduces cooperation
Fight
Escalate defense or
offense
Confront the threat
Flight
Avoid the threat
Run or escape
Freeze
Paralyzed by shock or fear
Retreat within,
collapse, or dissociate
Human Stress Response Behaviors
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 4
Primary supporting slide
Primary supporting slide Self-Reflection
What are the 3 things I fear the most?
What are the 3 things that trigger my anger?
What are the 3 barriers that trigger my feelings of
frustration?
How do I manage my fear, anger and frustration so I don’t
cause people to feel unsafe?
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 5
Primary supporting slide
What is the drama triangle?
Primary supporting slide
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovrVv_RlCMw
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 6
Primary supporting slide What is the drama triangle?
• Three dramatic roles: Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer
• Common, unsatisfactory, repetitive, largely
unconscious behavior that is often rooted in
trauma
• It is possible to play all three roles even in the
same encounter
• When we are stuck in the drama triangle, instead
of resolving problems, we endlessly repeat them
Karpman, 1972
Signs of Re-Enactment
Extreme Thoughts
All, always, every time
Never, no way
Disaster, kill, it’s all over
Strong Emotions
Hopeless, helpless
Furious, irritated, angry
Sad, protective, uncomfortable
Physical Response
Hot or flushed face
Racing heart
Muscle tension
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 7
Denies power
Lets the experience
define him or her
Looks to others for
rescue
Relinquishes
responsibility
Feels hopeless
VICTIM
Poor
me!
There’s
nothing I
can do.
They have no
idea how bad
they are making
this for me…
Misuses power
Uses passive aggression
Demands or coerces
Threatens/Bullies
Uses physical force
Finds fault
Blames/shames
PERSECUTOR You will
do what I
say or
else.
This is all
your fault.
You are
stupid.
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 8
Helps no matter the cost
Takes the place of
Fixes
Meddles
Encourages dependence
Feels martyred
RESCUER No need
to worry.
I’ll take
care of it
Oh, here.
Let me do
that.
If I don’t fix this,
it won’t get
done.
Pouring Fuel on the Fire • Using force (verbal and/or physical)
• Threatening
• Arguing
• Taking away (including The Silent Treatment)
• Lecturing
• Criticizing
• Public shaming
• Using sarcasm or teasing
• Questions used disrespectfully
• Expressing despair
• One-upping
Latham, 1994
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 9
General Effects of Coercion
• Avoid future interaction
• Get even (Fight)
• Escape in the moment (Flight or Freeze)
• Learn coercive behavior (More drama)
• Behave less confidently
• Receive reinforcement for undesirable behavior
• Relationship difficulties and/or failure
We are most often coercive when we:
• Are hungry, angry, lonely, tired
• Have had a bad day
• Are frustrated
• Get over-excited
• Have just been coerced by someone else
• Encounter our “pet peeves”
• Are used to using undesirable behaviors
because of our own past experiences
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 10
Primary supporting slide Self-Reflection
Which role in the re-enactment triangle do you think you are most
likely to fall into at work?
What are some of the qualities you have that make you vulnerable
to falling into this role?
What behaviors in the people that you serve are most likely to
trigger you or push you into one of these roles?
What behaviors in other staff members are most likely to trigger
you or push you into one of these roles?
How might a co-worker best intervene with you if he/she feels you
are engaged in a re-enactment?
Escaping
the Triangle
COACH
RESCUER
CONFLICT to
CREATIVITY
Graphic used with permission from Cornerstones of Care
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 11
Uses power wisely
Remains true to self
Seeks help responsibly,
appropriately, & clearly
Seeks to learn
Focuses on the future
Denies power
Lets the experience
define him or her
Looks to others for
rescue
Relinquishes
responsibility
Feels hopeless
VICTIM
Empowers others
Communicates directly
Respects boundaries
Models behavior
Provides expectations
Offers alternatives
Commends strengths
Encourages others to link
cause & effect
Misuses power
Uses passive aggression
Demands or coerces
Threatens/Bullies
Uses physical force
Finds fault
Blames/shames
PERSECUTOR
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 12
Assists only as necessary
Stands beside
Encourages action of others
Empowers
Expresses confidence
Asks permission
Checks back
Helps no matter the cost
Takes the place of
Fixes
Meddles
Encourages dependence
Feels martyred
RESCUER
What do I need to move myself or others from…
Victim to Driver
Responsibility Empowerment
Persecutor to Guide
Facilitation Skills
Compassionate Leadership
Rescuer to Coach
Boundaries Emotional Presence
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 13
Visual Re-Scripting Tool Graphic used with permission from Cornerstones of Care
I already have too
much to do.
I don’t have any help.
I’m being set up to fail.
What screwball
decided this is critical?
My boss is being
unreasonable.
The agency doesn’t care
about us.
I can’t ask my busy co-
workers for help. I’ll just do it.
I have to get this done because
I’m the only one who can do it.
If I don’t do this, it will lead to
disaster.
Graphic used with permission from
Cornerstones of Care
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 14
I’m in charge of my time and energy.
I can prioritize my to do list.
What do I need to make this happen?
Am I doing more than I
should?
I’ll ask Sue for help.
That can wait until
tomorrow.
I need to let my boss
know when I’m feeling
overwhelmed.
I can make suggestions
regarding ways we can
be more efficient and
tools that would help.
Graphic used with permission from Cornerstones of Care
What a jerk!
I hate all this noise.
She’s so distracting.
I’m going to let her have a
piece of my mind.
That is so disrespectful to
the trainer.
Everyone in my class
shouldn’t have to put up with
this! I’ve got to get her to stop.
I’m missing
important information.
She’s keeping me
from learning.
Why doesn’t the
trainer call her out?
Graphic used with permission from
Cornerstones of Care
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 15
I can learn what’s going
on with her.
I can ask for the volume
level to be lowered.
How do you think
we can resolve this?
I wondered if you are
aware of the volume
level and how it is
distracting …
Graphic used with permission from Cornerstones of Care
Helping Others
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 16
VICTIM
RESCUER PERSECUTOR
“I really lost it yesterday with Brandon. Nikki and Nora were
playing in the backyard with the soccer ball. Brandon took the
ball away and threw it over the fence. I was really angry that
he would bully them that way. I made him stay in his room the
rest of the afternoon. At bedtime Nikki cried and told me it was
her fault that Brandon had to stay in his room. She told me
that Brandon had asked to play with them and she told him
no. She wouldn’t let Nora play either. She wanted the ball all
to herself. That’s why he got mad and threw the ball over the
fence. I felt bad that I did not handle it better. What should I
have done?”
Why am I feeling this way?
What are others feeling?
How can we manage
triggered emotions?
How can I
encourage them
to resolve this
themselves?
How can I avoid
getting pulled
into the triangle?
Graphic used with permission from Cornerstones of Care
Conflict Management: Escaping the Drama Triangle 4/13/2018
Center for Trauma Informed Innovation|
Truman Medical Centers 17
Steps for Escaping the Drama Triangle
• Remain curious and nonjudgmental
• Evaluate where the power is
• Own your feelings and actions; allow others to own theirs
• Practice alternative behaviors (Driver, Guide, Helper)
Primary supporting slide Thank you!
ctii@tmcmed.org
Additional Trainings:
ctii.eventbrite.com
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