working with emotional intelligence to create positive change robert k. bitting, ph.d., l.m.h.c....

Working with Emotional Intelligence

to Create Positive Change

Robert K. Bitting, Ph.D., L.M.H.C.June, 2013NYSCAA

What is What is IntelligenceIntelligence??Typically focused on:

◦ analytic reasoning◦ verbal skills◦ spatial ability◦ attention◦ memory◦ judgment

Murky concept with definitions by many experts...

What’s the key?

IQ:IQ:

A weak predictor for◦Achievement◦Job performance success◦Overall success, wealth

Still a component of employment/career success; maybe 20-25%

So, where’s the rest come from?

One Place:One Place:Emotional IntelligenceEmotional Intelligence How we perceive emotions and facilitate

thought.How we understand and manage

emotions.Refers to feelings that a person has in a

relationship.Capacity to reason with emotions and

emotional signals – self and others.Self-awareness, social awareness, self-

management, relationship management.

What’s Your Definition?

Two Important People:Two Important People:

Carl Rogers (and the Big “E”)

and…

The “Godfather” of E.I. The “Godfather” of E.I. Albert EllisAlbert Ellis

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

Connection Between How We: Think, Feel and Behave

The Idea of “Changing the Thought, Changing the Behavior”

Thoughts

Feelings Behaviors

YOU

(CHOICE)

Thoughts

Feelings Behaviors

Ellis: ABCDEEllis: ABCDEA – Activating or “red flag” eventB – Belief or BehaviorC – Consequences (Emotional or

other)D – Dispute w/ more

rational/realistic expectations (Choose to “reframe”)

E – Effects (positive) of these more rational beliefs/behaviors

Ellis: Typical Thinking ErrorsEllis: Typical Thinking Errors

Ignoring the PositiveExaggerating the NegativeOvergeneralizing

QUIT MUSTERBATING!!

Three Key Questions:Three Key Questions:What Do You Want?What Are You Doing To Get What You Want?

How’s It Working?

(Also, quit awfulizing and whining!)

Based On Acceptance Based On Acceptance (Unconditional)(Unconditional)SelfOthersLife

Really?: Let’s hear what Ellis has to say about this!

So…more potent predictors So…more potent predictors of of Career Success Career Success are:are:

Ability to handle frustrationsManage own emotionsManage own social skills

Do you know any highly intelligent

people who aren’t socially adept?

(Anyone in NYSCAA?)

Problem: how we’ve Problem: how we’ve historically viewed emotions:historically viewed emotions:

•Chaotic•Haphazard•Superfluous•Incompatible with reason•Disorganized•Largely visceral•Resulting from the lack of effective

adjustment

How we are now viewing How we are now viewing emotions:emotions:

•Arouse, sustain, direct activity•Part of total economy of living organisms•Not in opposition to intelligence•A higher order of intelligence

Emotional processingmay be an essential partof rational decision making

Evolutionary Advantage to Evolutionary Advantage to EmotionEmotion For example:

◦Fight or flight response

◦But… Can basic

emotions overwhelm rational thinking?

◦Have you ever been “HIJACKED”?

The main purpose of the innermostpart of the brain is survival.

To Get To Get at at EmotionEmotion, Go , Go Deep...Deep...

Amygdala isdeep within the most elemental Parts of the brain.

Basic Emotions—we all have ‘em Basic Emotions—we all have ‘em – are they “hard-wired” or – are they “hard-wired” or learned?learned?

The “4 Core”JoySadnessAngerFear

Others?

•“Being nice”•Letting feelings

hang out”

So (Again) What is Emotional So (Again) What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?Intelligence (EI)?

The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.

•a field in a field in infancyinfancy

•fast-growingfast-growing

•aspects harken aspects harken to research of to research of the 1940the 1940’’ss

•a field in a field in infancyinfancy

•fast-growingfast-growing

•aspects harken aspects harken to research of to research of the 1940the 1940’’ss

Emotional self-awarenessEmotional self-awareness

The inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy.

People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives and have a surer sense about how they feel about personal decisions.

How do you stay open to your emotional experiences?--

can we tolerate the full range?

Self-awareness

Value of taking time for self- Value of taking time for self- awareness requires abilitiesawareness requires abilities

to recognize appropriate body cues and emotions

to label cues and emotions accurately

to stay open to unpleasant as well as pleasant emotions

Includes the capacity for experiencing and recognizing multiple and conflicting emotions

Emotional Self Awareness

Managing OneManaging One’’s Own s Own EmotionsEmotionsEI is like a smoke alarm. EI tells us

a particular emotion is arising.Tremendous individual variability

vis-à-vis duration and intensity of emotion.

EI can help us “reframe” and move forward more quickly.

Self -regulation

Out of Control Out of Control EmotionsEmotionsImpair reasoning (even smart people sometimes act stupidly – example?)

May increase the likelihood that chronic emotional problems will result, (e.g., clinical depression or chronic anxiety or hostility)

Using emotions to maximize Using emotions to maximize intellectual processing and intellectual processing and decision-making:decision-making:As a person matures, emotions

begin to shape and improve thinking by directing a person’s attention to important changes.

Example: Learning to Delay Gratification

Self- Motivation

Utilizing mild emotional swings Utilizing mild emotional swings to more effectively:to more effectively:

• Promote or hinder motivation - anxiety, hostility, sadness • Understand emotional swings to increase perspective on future events.

Read Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell – a great book for “reading” other people!

Developing empathyDeveloping empathyEmpathy is the ability to

recognize another’s emotional state, which is very similar to what you are experiencing.

“Here I am, as I am” leads us closer to conditions for Unconditional Acceptance, Social Interest, and the Big E.

socialawareness

Developing Developing empathyempathy also also links to:links to:

Greater emotional stability

Greater interpersonal sensitivity

Better school and work performance

Developing empathy

The The Art of Social RelationshipsArt of Social Relationships----managing emotions in othersmanaging emotions in others

Effective friend, negotiator, and leader.

Ability to guide interactions, inspire, and make others. comfortable in social situations

Influence and persuade others.

The The ““Dark SideDark Side””:The danger of :The danger of the nice personalitythe nice personality

Have you ever met a nice person, but the “bells have gone off?”

Charisma draws in but not always to desired ends, e.g., Hitler, Jim Jones.

Empathy can be faked; so can other emotions.

Anyone you know?

The Development of The Development of ““EIEI””A genetic

contribution is likely

But it is not destinyEarly expression of

emotion by parents helps learning

Early abuse hinders learning

Poor ability to read others’ emotions may lead to the development of poor social skills.

Emotion-Related “Dysfunction”Emotion-Related “Dysfunction”(the Everyday Type!)(the Everyday Type!)

Can lead to THE 4 HORSEMEN of Negative Emotions:

DefensivenessStonewallingCriticismCONTEMPT!!

Impacts on physical health:

Cardiovascular disease

Progression of diabetes, cancer, hypertension

OVERALL BAD STUFF

Dysfunction at Work - Dysfunction at Work - Questions to Ask:Questions to Ask:

Is the person in the wrong job?Does the job require the person

to be difficult?What is remarkable about the

group dynamics of the organization?

What about individuals, personal and interpersonal?

Importance of EI to Organizations:Importance of EI to Organizations:

50% of work satisfaction is determined by the relationship a worker has with… his/her boss.

EI is a prerequisite for effective leadership across borders.◦Requires a high level of self-mastery and people skills; ability to put yourself into the positions of others.

What is Improving EI Worth?What is Improving EI Worth?

Increases retention.Decreases absenteeism.Increases overall organizational growth.

Could increase production as much as 20%

Current estimates to American Business: Losing between $5.6 and

$16.8 Billion annually

Nine Nine StrategiesStrategies for for

TAKING THE TIME FOR MINDFULNESS

Recognizing and naming emotions

Understanding the causes of feelings

Differentiating between emotion and the need to take action

Preventing depression through “learned optimism”

Managing anger through learned behavior or distraction techniques

Listening for the lessons of feelings

Using “gut feelings” in decision making

Developing listening skills

Promoting Emotional

Intelligence

Using Using E.I. E.I. in the Workplacein the Workplace• Should skills related to EI find their way into workplace strategic planning?

• Can such skills be effectively developed in the workplace?

• Would the introduction of skills related to EI radically modify the workplace – and if so, how?

• How does effective customer service relates to the basic concepts of E.I.?

• What is the EI skill set applied to where you work?