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Conflict Management

iSpeak Foundation SeriesMonth day, 2012Instructor Name

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Agenda

• Introductions – What do you want to learn?

• Itinerary

• Ground Rules–Phones on Silent

–Ask Questions

–Participate & Respect others

–Respect our schedule

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Satori

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Conflict ManagementUnit One: What Causes Conflict?

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What do you see?

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Conflict Defined

A disagreement through which the parties involved perceive a threat to their needs, interests or concerns

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7

Exercise: Pros and Cons of Conflict

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1 Minute Stories

• Partner up with someone

• Think of a story about yourself that you can tell that will last ~ 1 minute. Possible Topics:– Best surprise you’ve ever had– Biggest risk you’ve ever taken– Embarrassing moment– Best trip you’ve taken

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Message Distortion

1. Leveled – some details are lost2. Condensed – message becomes

shorter and simpler3. Sharpened – some details are highlighted,

becoming more important4. Assimilated – ambiguities are

clarified and interpreted 5. Embellished – details are added

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Relational Power

• Least interest• More options• Resource control• Scarcity

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Satori

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Conflict ManagementUnit Two: Conflict is Normal

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13

Exercise: Task and Relationship Conflict

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14

Types of Conflict

• Interpersonal• Eleven Roots

• Group• Eight Types

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Conflict Response Strategies

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.C

once

rn fo

r Peo

ple

Concern for Task

High

High

Low

Low

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.C

once

rn fo

r Peo

ple

Concern for Task

High

High

Low

Low

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16

Exercise: Understanding Conflict Strategies

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17

Exercise: Team Player Styles on my Team

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18

Last bottle of water…

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Weighing the Costs

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.Co

ncer

n fo

r Peo

ple

Concern for Task

High

High

Low

Low

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.Co

ncer

n fo

r Peo

ple

Concern for Task

High

High

Low

Low

Rela

tions

hip

Achieving My Objective

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.Co

ncer

n fo

r Peo

ple

Concern for Task

High

High

Low

Low

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.

SmoothingDisagreements are smoothed over or ignored so that surface

harmony is maintained in a state of peaceful coexistence.

CollaboratingValid problem solving takes place with varying points of view objectively evaluated against facts; emotions,

reservations, and doubts are examined and worked through.

AvoidingNeutrality is maintained at all

costs. Withdrawal behind walls of insulation relieves the necessity of dealing with

situations that would arouse conflict.

CompetingConflict is suppressed through authority-obedience approach. Win-lose power struggles are

fought out, decided by the highest common boss or

through third party arbitration.

CompromisingBargaining and middle ground positions are accepted so that no one wins - nor does anyone

lose. Accommodation and adjustment lead to "workable"

rather than best solutions.Co

ncer

n fo

r Peo

ple

Concern for Task

High

High

Low

Low

Rela

tions

hip

Achieving My Objective

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20

Exercise: Conflict Response Strategies

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Satori

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Conflict ManagementUnit Three: Acknowledge & Explore

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Conflict Management Model

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Responsive Acknowledgement Formula

• Acknowledge (use the word “because”)

• Transition (use “and” or a pause)

• Respond (ask a question or the provide the explanation)

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25

Acknowledging Statements

• “I understand what you mean…”• “I appreciate your point of view…”• “I can see why you think that…”• “I don’t blame you…”• “I hear what you’re saying…”• “I might have thought the same thing, too…”

Acknowledgement ≠ Agreement

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26

Don’t use “but”

• “I can appreciate why you think that AND…”• “I can appreciate why you think that.

(PAUSE)”

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Respond

• Ask questions to further understand the situation

• Explain the big picture and the reason why the situation is the way it is

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28

Exercise: Acknowledging Complaints

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Introducing a Conflict Topic

1. When you… (describe behavior)

2. The effects are… (describe practical problems that result)

3. I feel/think/believe… (avoid ‘you make me’)

4. I prefer… or I would like… (describe what you would like to see)

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30

Exercise: Assertively Acknowledge Conflict

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31

Positions and Underlying, Compatible Needs

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Question to Understand

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Question to Understand

“I appreciate your point of view and would like to ask a few questions to understand the situation better.”

4 Methods to Probe• Open: What do you think about…?• Silence• Clarifying: What do you mean by…?• Summary: …is that correct?

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34

Exercise: Asking Questions

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Satori

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Conflict ManagementUnit Four:Generate & Implement

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Conflict Management Model

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Generating Solution Alternatives

• Focus on the desired benefits one at a time• Brainstorm ideas on how to achieve the benefit• Generate categories of potential ideas

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Creative Solutions

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Lateral Thinking Puzzles

• You are driving home from a week long business trip on a stormy night, when you pass by a covered bus stop and you see three people huddled under the shelter, waiting for the bus:

• An old woman who cannot walk very well • Your best friend • Your spouse whom you haven’t seen in a week• Since your sports car can only carry one additional passenger,

whom would you choose to make everyone happy and why?

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Generating Ideas

• Brainstorm• Reversed Situation• Forced Analogy• Point of View

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Brainstorm uses for this Trash Can

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Reversed Situation

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Forced Analogy

44

• In a sport• As a toy• In an action movie• As a…

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Point of View

• Secret Service• Darth Vader• CEO• Government• Google• From the point of view of…

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46

Exercise: Brainstorm a Business Issue

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47

Selection Phase

Decision Criteria(weight)

Solution #1:Outsource IT Support

Solution #1 weighted scores

Solution #2:Create in-house help desk

Solution #2 weighted scores

Solution #3:Ask the client to handle it

Solution #3 weighted scores

99.99% uptime (9) 5 45 4 36 3 27

Low cost (3) 3 9 2 6 5 15

Ease of implementation (3)

4 12 1 3 5 15

Highest client satisfaction and retention (9)

4 36 5 45 1 9

Ability to implement within 90 days (9)

5 45 2 18 2 18

Least amount of oversight of personnel (1)

4 4 1 1 5 5

Totals 151 109 89

Decision Criteria(weight)

Solution #1:Outsource IT Support

Solution #1 weighted scores

Solution #2:Create in-house help desk

Solution #2 weighted scores

Solution #3:Ask the client to handle it

Solution #3 weighted scores

99.99% uptime (9) 5 45 4 36 3 27

Low cost (3) 3 9 2 6 5 15

Ease of implementation (3)

4 12 1 3 5 15

Highest client satisfaction and retention (9)

4 36 5 45 1 9

Ability to implement within 90 days (9)

5 45 2 18 2 18

Least amount of oversight of personnel (1)

4 4 1 1 5 5

Totals 151 109 89

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Selecting a Solution

• Have a weighted score method• Focus on most important criteria• Don’t act on impulse• Don’t feel locked on options• Beware of traps

– Loudest voice– Small sample

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Satori

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Conflict ManagementImplement to Improve

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iSpeak Learning Methodology

“Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.” - Johann Goethe

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Satori

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Kaizen

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Instructor Nameemail@iSpeak.com

512.###.####

Thank you!

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