an englishwoman's love-letters

7/21/2019 An Englishwoman's Love-Letters

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An Englishwoman'sLove-Letters, byAnonymous

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Title% An Englishwoman's Love-Letters

Author% Anonmous

&elease ate% (a )*, +** EBook ./01/2

Language% English

3haracter set enco!ing% 456-770-/

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EB66> A= E=GL45:?6(A='5 L6@E-LETTE&5888

Pro!uce! b Bill Toier, Barbara Toier, 3all5ouku$ an! the 6nline istribute!Proofrea!ing Team at htt$%www"$g!$"net"

A= E=GL45:?6(A='5 L6@E-LETTE&5

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letters as the were Frst written in theircom$lete form an! seDuence"

@er little has been omitte! which in an wabears u$on the !evotion of which the are arecor!" A few names of $ersons an! localitieshave been change! an! several short notesnot above twent in allH, together with some$assages bearing too intimatel u$on eventswhich might be recognie!, have been left outwithout in!ication of their omission"

4t was a necessar con!ition to the $resent$ublication that the authorshi$ of theseletters shoul! remain unstate!" Those whoknow will kee$ silence those who !o not, willnot Fn! here an !ata likel to gui!e them tothe truth"

The stor which !arkens these $ages cannotbe more full in!icate! while the feelings ofsome who are still living have to be consulte!nor will the rea!er Fn! the root of the trage!eI$laine! in the letters themselves" But onething at least ma be sai! as regar!s the

$rinci$al actors--that to the memor ofneither of them !oes an blame belong" Thewere eDuall the victims of circumstances,which came whole out of the han!s of fatean! remaine!, so far as one of the two was


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concerne!, a mster to the !a of her !eath"

LETTE& 4"Belove!% This is our Frst letter from me% etit is not the Frst 4 have written to ou" Thereare letters to ou ling at love's !ea!-letteroJce in this same writing--so man, mmemor has lost count of themK

This is m confession% 4 tol! ou 4 ha! one tomake, an! ou laughe!%--ou !i! not knowhow serious it was--for to be in love with oulong before ou were in love with me--nothingcan be more serious than thatK

#ou !en that 4 was% et 4 know when ou Frst

reall love! me" All at once, one !asomething about me came u$on ou as asur$rise% an! how, eIce$t on the roa! to love,can there be sur$rises An! in the sur$risecame love" #ou !i! not knowme before"Before then, it was onl the other nineentanglements which take hol! of the male

heart an! occu$ it till the tenth is rea! tomake one knot of them all"

4n the letter written that !a, 4 sai!, M#ou loveme"M 4 coul! never have sai! it before though4 ha! written twelve letters to m love for ou,


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4 ha! not once been able to write of our lovefor me" ?as not thatserious

=ow 4 have confesse!K 4 thought to !iscovermself all blushes, but m face is cool% ouhave kisse! all m blushes awaK 3an 4 everbe ashame! in our ees now, or grow rosbecause of anthingyouor Ithink 5oK--ouhave robbe! me of one of m charms% 4 ambraen" 3an ou love me still

#ou love me, ou love me ou are won!erfulKwe are both won!erful, ou an! 4"

?ell, it is goo! for ou to know 4 have waite!an! wishe!, long before the thing came true"But to seeyouwaiting an! wishing, when thething wastrue all the time%--ohK that was the

trialK :ow not su!!enl to throw m armsroun! ou an! cr, MLook, seeK 6 blin! mouth,wh are ou famishe!M

An! ou never knew earest, 4 love ou forit, ou never knewK 4 believe a man, when heFn!s he has won, thinks he has taken the citb assault% he !oes not guess how to the

insi!ers it has been a wear siege, with Nagsof surren!er Nuttering themselves to ragsfrom ever wall an! win!owK =o% in love it isthe women who are the strategists% an! thehave at last to fall into the ambush the know


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of with a goo! grace"

#ou must let me $raise mself a little for the$ast, since 4 can never $raise mself again"#ou must !o that for me nowK There is not abattle left for me to win" #ou an! $eace hol!me so much a $risoner, have so caught mefrom m own wa of living, that 4 seem tohear a $in !ro$ twent ears ahea! of me% itseems an eventK earest, a thousan! times, 4woul! not have it be otherwise% 4 am onl toowilling to !ro$ out of eIistence altogether an!Fn! mself in our arms instea!" Giving oum love, 4 can so easil give ou m life" Ah,m !ear, 4 am ours so utterl, so gla!lK ?illou ever Fn! it out, ou who took so long to!iscover anthing

LETTE& 44"

earest% #our name woke me this morning% 4foun! m li$s $i$ing their song before 4 waswell back into m bo! out of !reams" 4won!er if the rogues babble when m s$irit is

nesting Last night ou were a high tree an! 4was in it, the win! blowing us both but 4forget the rest,--whatever, it was enough tomake me wake ha$$"


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There are !reams that go out like can!le-light!irectl one o$ens the shutters% the illuminethe walls no longer the !alight is too strong

for them" 5o, now, 4 can har!l rememberanthing of m !reams% !alight, with ou init, Noo!s them out"

6h, how are ou Awake


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belong to ou" 4f 4 hol! m breath for amoment wicke!l for 4 can't !o it breathingH,an! tr to look at the worl! with ou out of it,

4 seem to have fallen over a $reci$ice orrather, the soli! earth has sli$$e! from un!erm feet, an! 4 am oO into vacuum" Then, as 4take breath again for fear, m star swims u$an! clas$s me, an! shows me our face" 6ha$$ star this that 4 was born un!er, thatmove! with me an! winke! Duiet $ro$hecies

at me all through m chil!hoo!, 4 not knowingwhat it meant%--the !ear ra!iant thing namingto me m loverK

As a chil!, now an! then, an! for no reason, 4use! to be sublimel ha$$% real wings tookhol! of me" 5ometimes a Fel! becamefairlan! as 4 walke! through it or a tree

$oure! out a scent that its blossoms neverha! before or after" 4 think now that thosemust have been moments when ou too werein like contact with earth,--ha! our feet ingrass which felt a faint ri$$le of win!, or stoo!un!er a lilac in a !rench of fragrance that ha!grown !ouble after rain"

?hen 4 aske! ou about the $laces of ourouth, 4 ha! some fear of Fn!ing that wemight once have met, an! that 4 ha! notremembere! it as the summing u$ of m


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ha$$iness in being oung" 9ar oO 4 seesomething un!iscovere! waiting us,something 4 coul! not have guesse! at

before--the ha$$iness of being ol!" ?ill it notbe something like the evening before lastwhen we were sitting together, our han! inmine, an! one b one, as the twilight !rewabout us, the stars came an! took u$ theirstations overhea! The seeme! to me thento be following out some Duiet train of

thought in the universal min!% the heavenswere remembering the stars back into their$laces%--the Ancient of as !rawing u$on theinFnite treasures of memor in his greatlifetime" ?ill not Love's ol! age be the sameto us both--a starr $lace of memories

#our !ear letter is with me while 4 write% how

shortl ou are able to sa everthingK To-morrow ou will come" ?hat more !o 4 want--eIce$t to-morrow itself, with more $romisesof the same thing

#ou are at m heart, !earest% nothing in theworl! can be nearer to me than ouK

LETTE& 444"

earest an! rightl Belove!% #ou cannot tell


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how our gift has $lease! me or rather oucan, for it shows ou have a long memorback to our Frst meeting% though at the time 4

was the one who thought most of it"4t is Duite true ou have the most beautifullsha$e! memor in 3hristen!om% these arethe ver books in the ver e!ition 4 have longwante!, an! have been too humble to aOor!mself" An! now 4 cannot sto$ to rea! one, forjo of looking at them all in a row" 4 will kissou for them all, an! for more besi!es% in!ee!it is the Mbesi!esM which brings ou m kissesat all"

=ow that ou have chosen so $erfectl to mmin!, 4 ma $roOer a reDuest which, before, 4was sh of making" 4t seems now beneFcentl

antici$ate!" 4t is that ou will not ever let ourgifts take the form of jewelr, not after thering which ou are bringing me% that, ouknow, 4 both welcome an! wish for" But, as tothe rest, the worl! has su$$lie! me with afeeling against jewelr as a love-smbol" Lookabroa! an! ou will see% it is too $ossessive,

too much like Mchains of oJceM--the fair one isto wear her ra!iant harness before the worl!,that other women ma be envious an! the!esire of her master's ee be satisFe!K Ah,noK


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4 am ours, !ear, utterl an! nothing ougive me woul! have that sense% 4 know outoo well to think it" But in the face of the

$resent fashion an! to Nout itH, whicheI$ects the lover to give in this sort, an! thebelove! to show herself a !aling ca$tive, letme cherish m ritual of o$$osition whichwoul! have no meaning if we were in a worl!of our own, an! no $lace in m thoughts,!earest--as it has not now, so far as ou are

concerne!" But 4 am conscious 4 shall belooke! at as our chosen an! 4 woul! choosem own wa of how to look back most$rou!l"

An! so for the books more thanks an! more,--that the are what 4 woul! most wish, an! notanthing else% which, ha! the been, the

woul! still have given me $leasure, since fromou the coul! come onl with a goo!meaning% an!--!iamon!s even--4 coul! have$ut u$ with themK

To-morrow ou come for our ring, an! bringme m own #ours is here waiting" 4 have it on

m Fnger, ver loose, with another stan!ingsentr over it to kee$ it from running awa"

A mouse came out of m wainscot last night,an! $lunge! me in horrible !ilemma% for 4 am


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eDuall i!iotic over the i!ea of the creaturetra$$e! or free, an! 4 saw slee$less nightsahea! of me till 4 ha! secure! a change of

localit for him"To startle him back into hi!ing woul! haveonl !eferre! m getting trul ri! of him, so 4was most ti$toe an! !i$lomatic in m !oings"9inall, a $a$er bag, $ut into a likel nookwith some sentimentall $reserve! we!!ing-cake crumble! into it, crackle! to me of hisarrival" 4n a brave moment 4 noose! the littlebeast, bag an! all, an! lowere! him from thewin!ow b string, till the shrubs took from methe bur!en of res$onsibilit"

4 visite! the bag this morning% he ha! eatenhis wa out, crumbs an! all% an! has, 4

su$$ose, become a Fel!mouse, for the hasmells invitingl, an! it is onl a short runover the lawn an! a jum$ over the ha-ha tobe in it" Poor morsels, 4 $refer them so muchun!omesticate!K

=ow this mouse is no allegor, an! the $a$er

bag is nota !iamon! necklace, in s$ite of thewe!!ing-cake s$rinkle! over itK 5o !on't sathat this letter is too har! for ourun!erstan!ing, or ou will frighten me fromtelling ou anthing foolish again" Brains are


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like jewels in this, !iOerence of surface hasnothing to !o with the sie an! value of them"#ours is a beautiful smooth roun!, like a $earl,

an! mine all facets an! Nashes like cut glass"An! ours so much the bigger, an! 4 love it somuch the bestK The tra$ which caught mewas baite! with one great $earl" 5o themouse comes in with a meaning tie! to its tailafter allK

LETTE& 4@"

4n all the worl!, !earest, what is more uneDualthan love between a man an! a woman 4have been s$en!ing an amorous morning an!want to share it with ou% but lo, the task ofbringing that bit of m life into our vision is

altogether beon! me"

?hat have 4 been !oing ear man, 4 havebeen !ressmakingK an! !ress, when one is inthe toils, is but a love-letter writ large" #ou willsee an! a!mire the Fnishe! thing, but ou willtake no interest in the com$osition" Therefore

4 sa our love is uneDual to mine"

9or think how ravishe! 4 woul! be if oubrought me a coat an! tol! me it was all ourown makingK 6ne !a ou ha! thrown !own a


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mere tailor-ma!e thing in the hall, an! et 4kisse! it as 4 went b" An! that was at a timewhen we were onl at the han!shaking stage,

the $alsie! beginnings of love%--you, 4 meanKBut oh, to get ou intereste! in the !ress 4was making to ou to-!aK--the beautifulNowing o$ening,--not too Nowing% theelaborate central com$osition where the heartof me has to come, an! the win!-u$ of theskirt, a long reluctant tailing-oO, full ofcommas an! colons of ribbon to make it seemlonger, an! insertions everwhere" 4 !reame!mself in it, retiring through the !oor afterhaving bi!!en ou goo!-night, an! ouwatching the long !isa$$earing eloDuence ofthat tail, still saing to ou as it vanishe!,MGoo!-b, goo!-b" 4 love ou soK see me, how

slowl 4 am goingKM

?ell, that is a bit of m !ress-making, a vercor$orate $art of m aOection for ou an!ou are not a bit intereste!, for 4 have shownou none of the seam si!e it is that whichinterests ou male creatures, olaites, ever

one of ou"

An! what have ou to show similar, of thethought of me entering into all ourmasculine $ursuits o ou go out rabbit-


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shooting for the love of me 4f so, 4 trust oumake a miss of it ever timeK That ou are as$ortsman is one of the ver har!est things in

life that 4 have to bear"Last night Peterkins came u$ with me to kee$guar! against an further intrusion of mice" 4$ut her to slee$ on the couch% but she!iscar!e! the re! shawl 4 ha! $re$are! for herat the bottom, an! la at the to$ mostuncomfortabl in a $arcel of milliner intowhich from one en! 4 ha! alrea! ma!eeIcavations, so that it forme! a large bag"4nto the further en! of this bag Turks cre$tan! snuggle! !own% but ever time sheturne! in the night an! it seeme! ver oftenHthe brown $a$er crackle! an! woke me u$" 5oat last 4 took it u$ an! shook out its contents

an! Pi$$ins sle$t soun!l on re! Nannel till=an-nan brought the tea"

#ou will notice that in this small narrativePeterkins gets three names% it is a fashionthat runs through the househol!, beginningwith the (other-Aunt, who on some !as

s$eaks of =an-nan as Mthe ol! la!,M an!sometimes as Mthat girl,M all accor!ing to thetwo tem$ers she has about =an-nan's$rivilege! $osition in regar! to me"


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#ou were onl here ester!a, an! alrea! 4want ou again so much, so muchK

#our never satisFe! but alwas loving"

LETTE& @"

(ost Belove!% 4 have been thinking, staring atthis blank $iece of $a$er, an! won!ering howtheream 4 ever to sa what 4 have in me

here--not wishing to sa anthing at all, butjust to beK 4 feel that 4 am living now onlbecause ou love me% an! that m life willhave run out, like this $enful of ink, when thatuse in me is $ast" =ot et, Belove!, oh, notetK =othing is Fnishe! that we have to !oan! be%--har!l begunK 4 will not call even this

Mmi!summer,M however much it seems so% itis still onl s$ring"

Ever !a our love bin!s me more !ee$lthan 4 knew the !a before% so that no !a isthe same now, but each one a little ha$$ierthan the last" ( own, ou are m ver ownK

An! et, true as that is, it is not so true asthat 4 amyourown" 4t is less absolute, 4 meanan! must be so, because 4 cannot ver welltake$ossession of anthing when 4 am givenover heart an! soul out of m own


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$ossession% there isn't enough i!entit left inme, 4 am ours so much, so muchK All this isuseless to sa, et what can 4 sa else, if 4

have to begin saing anthing3oul! 4 trul be our Mstar an! go!!ess,M asou call me, Belove!, 4 woul! !o ou theservice of Thetis at least who !i! it for agreater than herselfH--

MBi! :eaven an! Earth combine their charms,

An! roun! ou earl, roun! ou late, Briareusfol! his hun!re! arms To guar! ou from oursingle fate"M

But 4 haven't got $ower over an eight-arme!octo$us even% so am merel a ver hel$lessloving nonentit which merges itself most

ha$$il in ou, an! begs to be lifte! to no$e!estal at all, at all"

4f ou love me in a manner that is at all$ossible, ou will see that Mgo!!essM !oes notsuit me" M5tarM 4 woul! 4 were now, with a wi!eee to carr m looks to ou over this horionwhich kee$s ou invisible" 3hoose one, if ou

will, !earest, an! call it mine% an! to me itshall be ours% so that when we are a$art an!the stars come out, our ees ma meet u$ atthe same $oint in the heavens, an! beMkee$ing com$anM for us among the celestial


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bo!ies--with their $ermission% for 4 have toolivel a sense of their beaut not to be a littlesu$erstitious about them" :ave ou not felt

for ourself a sort of $hsiognom in theconstellations,--most of them seemingbenevolent an! full of kin! regar!s%--but notall 4 am alwas gla! when the Great Beargoes awa from m win!ow, Fne beastthough he is% he seems to growl at meK =o!oubt it is largel a Duestion of names an!

what's in a name 4n ours, Belove!, when 4s$eak it, more than 4 can com$assK

LETTE& @4"

Belove!% 4 have been trusting to fate, whilekee$ing silence, that something from ou was

to come to-!a an! make me s$eciall ha$$"An! it has% bless ou abun!antlK #ou haveun!one an! got roun! all 4 sai! aboutMjewelr,M though this is nothing of the sort,but a shrine% so m wor! remains" 4 have itwith me now, safe hi!!en, onl now an! thenit comes out to have a look at me,--smiles an!

goes back again" earest, ou must feelhow 4thank ou, for 4 cannot sa it% bo! an! soul 4grow too much blesse! with all that ou havegiven me, both visibl an! invisibl, an!alwas $erfectl"


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An! as for the !a% 4 have been thinking outhe most uncurious of men, because ou ha!not aske!% an! su$$ose! it was too earl !as

et for ou to remember that 4 ha! ever beenborn" To-!a is m birth!aK ou sai! nothing,so 4 sai! nothing an! et this has come% 4truste! m star to show its sweet inNuencesin its own wa" 6r, after all, !i! ou know, an!ha! ou aske! anone but me #et ha! ouknown, ou woul! have wishe! me the

Mha$$ returnsM which among all our !earwor!s to me ou !o not" 5o 4 take it that themotion comes straight to ou from heavenan!, in the event, ou will $ar!on me forhaving been still secretive an! sh in nottelling what ou !i! not inDuire after" Yours, 4knew, !ear, Duite long ago, so ha! no nee! to

ask ou for it" An! it is siI months before ouwill be in the same ear with me again, an!give to twent-two all the com$anionablesweetness that twent-one has been having"

(an ha$$ returns of mybirth!a to ou,!earestK That is all that m birth!as are for":ave ou been ha$$ to-!a, 4 won!er an!

am won!ering also whether this evening weshall see ou walking Duietl in an! makingeverthing into $erfection that has beentrembling just on the verge of it all !a long"


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6ne !rawback of m feast is that 4 have towrite short to ou for there are othercorres$on!ents who on this occasion look for

Duick answers, an! not all of them to beanswere! in an oOhan! wa" EIce$t ou, it isthe coiest whom 4 kee$ waiting but el!ershave a wa with them--even kin! ones% an!when the con!escen! to write u$on ananniversar, we have to ski$ to attention orbe in their ba! books at once"

5o with the sun still a long wa out of be!, 4have to tuck u$ these sheets for ou, as if thegoo! of the !a ha! alrea! been suJcientunto itself an! its full tale ha! been tol!"Goo!-night" 4t is so har! to take m han!s oOwriting to ou, an! worr on at the sameeIercise in another !irection" 4 kiss ou more

times than 4 can count% it is almost reall outhat 4 kiss nowK ( ver !earest, m ownsweetheart, whom 4 so worshi$" Goo!-nightKMGoo!-afternoonM soun!s too funn% is outsi!eour vocabular altogether" ?hile 4 live, 4 mustlove ou more than 4 knowK

LETTE& @44"

( 9rien!% o ou think this a col! wa ofbeginning 4 !o not% is it not the true sen!-oO


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of love 4 !o not know how men fall in love%but 4 coul! not have ha! that come-!own inour !irection without being our frien! Frst"

6h, m !ear, an! after, after it is but alimitless frien!shi$ 4 have grown intoK

4 have hear! men run !own the frien!shi$s ofwomen as having little true substance" Thosewho s$eak so, 4 think, have never comeacross a real case of woman's frien!shi$" 4$raise m own seI, !earest, for 4 know someof their loneliness, which ou !o not% an! untila certain !ate their frien!shi$ was the!ee$est thing in life 4 ha! met with"

9or must it not be true that a womanbecomes more absorbe! in frien!shi$ than aman, since frien!shi$ ma have to mean so

much more to her, an! cover so far more ofher life, than it !oes to the average man:owever big a man's ca$acit for frien!shi$,the beaut of it !oes not Fll his whole horionfor the future% he still looks ahea! of it for themate who will com$lete his life, giving hisbo! an! soul the com$lement the reDuire"

9rien!shi$ alone !oes not satisf him% hemakes a bigger claim on life, regar!ingcertain $ossessions as his right"

But a woman%--oh, it is a fashion to sa the


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best women are sure to Fn! husban!s, an!have, if the care for it, the certaint beforethem of a full life" 4 know it is not so" There are

women, won!erful ones, who come to knowDuite earl in life that no men will ever wish tomake wives of them% for them, then, love infrien!shi$ is all that remains, an! thestrongest wish of all that can $ass throughtheir souls with ho$e for its fulFllment is to bea frien! to somebo!"

4t is man's arrogant certaint of his futurewhich makes him im$atient of the wor!Mfrien!shi$M% it cools life to his li$s, he soconF!ent that the hea!ier nectar is his !ueK

4 came u$on a little $hrase the other !a thattouche! me so !ee$l% it sai! so well what 4

have wante! to sa since we have knowneach other" 5ome $easant rhmer, an4rishman, is singing his love's $raises, an!sinks his voice from the height of his$assionate su$erlatives to call her his Mshareof the worl!"M Peasant an! 4rishman, he knewthat his fortune !i! not embrace the universe%

but for him his love was just that--his share ofthe worl!"

5urel when in anone's frien!shi$ we seemto have gaine! our share of the worl!, that is


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all that can be sai!" 4t means all that we cantake in, the whole armful the heart an!senses are ca$able of, or that fate can

bestow" An! for how man that must befrien!shi$--es$eciall for how man womenK

( !ear, ou are m share of the worl!, alsom share of :eaven% but there 4 begin tos$eak of what 4 !o not know, as is the wawith ha$$ humanit" All that m ees coul!!ream of waking or slee$ing, all that m earscoul! be most gla! to hear, all that m heartcoul! beat faster to get hol! of--ourfrien!shi$ gave me su!!enl as a bolt fromthe blue"

( frien!, m frien!, m frien!K 4f ou coul!change or go out of m life now, the sun

woul! !ro$ out of m heavens% 4 shoul! seethe worl! with a great $iece gashe! out of itssi!e,--m share of it gone" =o, 4 shoul! notsee it, 4 !on't think 4 shoul! see anthing everagain,--not trul"

4s it not strange how often to test our

ha$$iness we har$ on sorrow 4 !o% !on't let itwear ou" 4 know 4 have rea! somewherethat great love alwas entails $ain" 4 have notfoun! it et% but, for me, it !oes mean fear,--the sort of fear 4 ha! as a chil! going into big


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buil!ings" 4 love! them% but 4 feare!, becauseof their bigness, the were likel to tumble onme"

But when 4 begin to think ou ma be too bigfor me, 4 remember ou as m Mfrien!,M an!the fear goes for a time, or becomes that sortof fear 4 woul! not $art with if 4 might"

4 have no news for ou% onl the ol! things totell ou, the won!er of which ever remains

new" :ow hol our face has become to me%as 4 saw it last, with something more than theusual $roofs of love for me u$on it--a look asif our love trouble! ouK 4 know the trouble% 4feel it, !earest, in m own woman's wa" :ave$atience"--?hen 4 see ou so, 4 feel that$raer is the onl wa given me for saing

what m love for ou wishes to be" An! et 4har!l ever $ra in wor!s"

earest, be ha$$ when ou get this% an!,when ou can, come an! give m ha$$inessits rest" Till then it is a watchman on thelookout"

M=ight-nightKM #our true slee$ one"

LETTE& @444"


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=ow why, 4 want to know, Belove!, was 4 sos$eciall Mgoo!M to ou in m last 4 havebeen Duite as goo! to ou Fft times before,--

if such a thing can be from me to ou" 6r !oou mean goo! forou Then, !ear, 4 must besorr that the thing stan!s out so much as aneIce$tionK

6h, !earest Belove!, for a little 4 think 4 mustnot love ou so much, or must not let ou seeit"

?hen !oes our mother return, an! when am4 to see her 4 long to so much" :as she stillnot written to ou about our news

4 woke last night to the soun! of a great Nockof shee$ going $ast" 4 su$$ose the were

going b force! marches to the fair over at:lesbur% 4t was in the small hours% an! afew of them lifte! u$ their voices an!com$laine! of this robber of night an! slee$in the night" The were so tire!, so tire!, thesai!% an! so !i! the muOawull $atter of their$oor feet" The lambs sai! most an! the

shee$ agree! with a husk croak"4 sai! a $raer for them, an! went to slee$again as the soun! of the lambs !ie! awabut somehow the stick in m heart, thosesa! shee$ !riven along through the night" 4t


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was in its !egree like the woman hurringalong, who sai!, M( Go!, m Go!KM thatsummer 5un!a morning" These notes from

lives that a$$ear an! !isa$$ear remainen!lessl an! 4 !o not think our hearts canhave been ma!e so sensitive to suOering wecan !o nothing to relieve, without some goo!reason" 5o 4 tell ou this, as 4 woul! ansorrow of m own, because it has become a$art of me, an! is un!erling all that 4 think

to-!a"4 am to eI$ect ou the !a after to-morrow,but Mnot for certainM Thus ou give an! outake awa, eDuall blesse! in either case" Allthe same, 4 shall certainlyeI$ect ou, an! be!isa$$ointe! if on Thurs!a at about this hourour wa be not m wa"

M:ow shall 4 m true love knowM if he !oes notcome often enough to see me 5unshine beon ou all $ossible hours till we meet again"

LETTE& 4C"

Belove!% 4s the morning looking at ou as it islooking at me A little to the right of the sunthere lies a small clou!, Flm an! faint, butenough to cast a sha!ow somewhere" 9rom


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this win!ow, high u$ over the view, 4 cannotsee where the sha!ow of it falls,--further thanm ee can reach% $erha$s just now over ou,

since ou lie further west" But 4 cannot besure" ?e cannot be sure about the near thingsin this worl! onl about what is far oO an!FIe!"

#ou an! 4 looking u$ see the same sun, ifthere are no clou!s over us% but we ma notbe looking at the same clou!s even whenboth our hearts are in sha!ow" That is so,even when hearts are as close together asours an! mine% the res$on! to the samelight% but each one has its own roof ofsha!ow, wearing its rue with a worl! of!iOerence"

?h is it wh can no two of us have sorrowsDuite in common ?hat can be nearertogether than our wills to be one 4n jo weare an! et, though 4 reach an! reach, an!sa!!en if ou are sa!, 4 cannot make oursorrow m own"

4 su$$ose sorrow is of the earth earth% an! allthat is of earth makes !ivision" Ever jo thatbelongs to the bo! casts sha!owssomewhere" 4 won!er if there can enter intous a jo that has no sha!ow anwhere The


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jo of having ou has behin! it the sha!ow of$arting is there an wa of loving that woul!make $arting no sorrow at all To me, now,

the i!ea seems treasonK 4 cling to m sorrowthat ou are not here% 4 sen! u$ m clou!, asit were, to catch the sun's brightness% it is akite that 4 $ull with m heart-strings"

To the sun of love the clou!s that coverabsence must look like white Nowers in thegreen Fel!s of earth, or like !oves hovering%an! he reaches !own an! strokes them withhis warm beams, making all their feathers likegol!"

5ome clou!s let the gol! come through mine,now"--That clou! 4 saw awa to the right iscoming this wa towar! me" 4 can see the

sha!ow of it now, moving along a far-oO stri$of roa!% an! 4 won!er if it isyourclou!, withou un!er it coming to see me againK

?hen ou come, wh am 4 an ha$$ier thanwhen 4 know ou are coming 4t is the samething in love" 4 have ou now all in m min!'s

ee 4 have ou b heart have 4 m arms a bitmore roun! ou then than now

:ow it $ules me that, when love is $erfect,there shoul! be !isa$$earances an!rea$$earances% an! faces now an! then


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showing a changeK--#ou, actuall, the last timeou came, looking a !a ol!er than the !abeforeK ?hat was it :a! ol! age blown ou a

kiss, or given ou a wrinkle in the art of!ing 6r ha! ou turne! over some new leaf,an! foun! it withere! on the other si!e

4 coul! not see how it was% 4 hear! oucoming--it was s$ringK The !oor o$ene!%--oh,it was autumnalK 6ne !a ha! fallen awa likea leaf out of m forest, an! 4 ha! not beenthere to see it goK

At what hour of the twent-four !oes a !ashe! itself out of our lives =ot, 4 think, on thestroke of the clock, at mi!night, or at cock-crow" 5ome $eo$le, $erha$s, woul! sa--withthe Frst slee$ an! that the Mbeaut-slee$M is

the new !a $utting out its green wings" Ithink it must be not till something ha$$ens tomake the new !a a stronger im$ression thanthe last" 5o it woul! $lease me to think thatour ester!a !ro$$e! oO as ou o$ene! the!oor an! that, ha! 4 $ee$e! an! seen oucoming u$ the stairs, 4 shoul! have seen ou

looking a !a ounger"

Thatmeans that ou age at the sight of meK 4think ou !o" 4, 4 feel a hun!re! on the roa! toimmortalit, !irectl our face !awns on me"


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There's a foot gone over m graveK The angelof the resurrection with his mouth $urse! fastto his trum$etK--=othing else than the gallo$-

a-gallo$ of our horse%--it soun!s like a kettleboiling overK

5o this goes into hi!ing% listens to us all thewhile we talk an! comes out afterwar!s withall its blushes stale, to be rouge! u$ againan! sent oO the moment our back is turne!"=o, betterK--to be sli$$e! into our $ocket an!carrie! home to ourself byourself" :ow,when ou get to our !estination an! Fn! it,ou will curse ourself that ou were not as$ee!ier $ostmanK

LETTE& C"

earest% i! ou Fn! our letter The Duicker4 $ost, the Duicker 4 nee! to sit !own an! writeagain" The grass un!er love's feet never sto$sgrowing% 4 must make ha of it while the sunshines"

#ou sa m meta$hors make ou gi!!"--(clear, ou, without a meta$hor in ourcom$osition, !o that to meK 5o it is not forou to com$lain our curses sim$l N backto roost" ?here !o ou $igeon-hole them 4n a


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$ie 4 mean to write now until 4 have ma!eou as gi!! as a !ancing !ervishKH Yourletters are much more like blackbir!s% an! 4

have a $ie of them here, twent-four at leastan! when 4 o$en it the sing M3hewee,chewee, cheweeKM in the most scare! waK

#our last but three sai! most solemnl, just asif ou meant it, M4 ho$e ou !on't kee$ thesemiserablesK Though 4 Fll u$ m hollow hourswith them, there is no reason wh the shoul!Fll u$ ours"M #ou a!!e! that 4 was betteroccu$ie!--an! here 4 am Mbetter occu$ie!Meven as ou bi! me"

But one can jum$ best from a s$ring-boar!%an! how coul! 4 jum$ as far as our arms bletter, if 4 ha! not ours to jum$ from

5o ou see the are ke$t, an! m!isobe!ience of ou has begun% an! 4 Fn!!isobe!ience won!erfull sweet" But then,ou gave me a law which ou knew 4 shoul!!isobe%--that is the wa the worl! began" 4t isnot for nothing that 4 am a !aughter of Eve"

An! here is our worl! in our han!s, ours an!mine, now in the making" ?hich !a are theevening an! the morning now 4 think it mustbe the bir!s'--an! alrea!, with the wings,!isobe!ience has been reache!K (ake much


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of itK the !a will come when 4 shall wish toobe" There are moments when 4 feel a wishtaking hol! of me stronger than 4 can

un!erstan!, that ou shoul! comman! mebeon! mself--to things 4 have not strengthor courage for of m own accor!" :ow close,!earest, when that !a comes, m heart willfeel itself to oursK 4t feels close now% but it isto our feet 4 am nearest, as et" Lift meKThere, there, Belove!, 4 kiss ou with all m

will" 6h, !ear heart, forgive me for being nomore than 4 am% our freehol! to all eternitK

LETTE& C4

6h, earest% 4 have !ance! an! 4 have !ance!till 4 am tire!K 4 am !ro$$ing with slee$, but 4

must just touch ou an! sa goo!-night" Thiswas our great !a of $ublishing, !earest,ours% all the worl! knows it an! all a!mireour choiceK 4 was !etermine! the shoul!" 4have been collecting scal$s for ou to hang atour gir!le" All thought me beautiful% $eo$lewho never !i! so before" 4 wante! to sa to

them, MAm 4 not beautiful 4 am, am 4 notMAn! it was not for mself 4 was asking this$raise" Belove!, 4 was wearing the magicrose--what ou gave me when we $arte!% ousaing, alas, that ou were not to be there"


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But ou wereK 4ts leaves have not !ro$$e! northe scent of it fa!e!" 4 kiss ou out of theheart of it" Goo!-night% come to me in m Frst

!reamK

LETTE& C44"

earest% 4t has been such a funn !a from$ost-time onwar!s%-- congratulations on thegreat event are beginning to arrive inenvelo$es an! on wheels" 5ome are ver kin!an! !ear an! some are not so--onl theor!inar seemliness of $olite sniQe-snaQe";ust after ou ha! gone ester!a, (rs" ----calle! an! was tol! the news" 6f course sheknew ofou% but !i!n't think she ha! everseen ou" MProbabl he $asse! ou at the

gates,M 4 sai!" M?hatM she went oO with aview-hallo Mthat well-!resse! sort of oungfellow in gra, an! a mustache, an! knowinghow to ri!e (et us in the lane" Well, m!ear, 4 docongratulate ouKM

An! whether it was b the gra suit, or the

mustache, or the knowing how to ri!e that hercongratulations were so em$haticallsecure!, 4 know notK

6thers are et more Duaint, an! more to m


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liking" =an-nan is =an-nan% 4 cannot let ou oOwhat she sai!K =o tears or sentiment camefrom her to $revent me laughing% she briske!

like an ol! war-horse at the Frst wor! of it,an! blesse! Go! that it ha! come betimes,that she might be a nurse again in her ol!ageK 5he is a true M(rs" Berr,M an! is rea!to make room for ou in m aOections for thesake of far-oO !ivine events, which $romiserenewe! outh to her ol! bones"

&oberts, when he brought me m $on thismorning, touche! his hat Duick twice over toshow that the news brimme! in his bo!% an!a ver nice cor!ial wa of showing, 4 thoughtitK :e was Duite rea! to talk when 4 let himgo an! he gave me $lent of goo! fun" :euse! to know ou when he was in service at

the :----s, an! s$eaks of ou as being then Magallous oung houn!,M whatever that mamean" 4 imagine MgallousM to be a rustic Lewis3arroll com$oun!, ma!e u$ in eDual $arts ofcallousness an! gallantr, which most bosare, at some stage of their eIistence"

?hat tales will ou be getting of me out of=an-nan, some !a behin! m back, 4won!er There is one 4 shall forbi! her toreveal% it shall be $art of m marriage-$ortionto show ou earl that ou have got a wife


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with a tem$erK

:ere is a whole letter that must en! now,--an! the great ?or! never mentione!K 4t isgoo! for ou to be $ut u$on maigrefare, foronce" 4 hol! m $en back with both han!s% itwants so much to give ou the forbi!!entreat" 6h, the ser$ent in the gar!enK 5eewhere it has un!erline! its meaning" 9railt,th $en is a ; $enK

A!ieu, a!ieu, remember me"

LETTE& C444"

The letters =o, Belove!, 4 coul! notK =ot et"There ou have caught me where 4 own 4 am

still sh of ou"A long time hence, when we are a safelwe!!e! $air, ou shall turn them over" 4t maybe a short time but 4 will kee$ them howeverlong" 4n!ee! 4 must ever kee$ them the talkto me of the !awn of m eIistence,--the earllight before our sun rose, when m love of

ou was growing an! ha! not et reache! itsfull"

4f 4 !isa$$oint ou 4 will tr to make u$ for itwith something 4 wrote long before 4 ever saw


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ou" To-!a 4 was turning over ol! things mmother ha! treasure! for me of mchil!hoo!--of !as s$ent with her% things of

laughter as well as of tears such a !earselection, so Duaint an! sweet, with moo!s ofher as 4 !iml remember her to have been"An! among them was this absur!it, written,an! 4 su$$ose $lace! in the mouth of mstocking, the 3hristmas 4 stae! with her in9rance" 4 remember the time as a great treat,

but nothing of this" M=ilgoesM is M=icholas,Mou must un!erstan!K :ow he must havelaughe! over me aslee$ while he rea! thisK

M3her $Rre =ilgoes" 5'il vous $lait voule vousme !onnS $lus !e jeuI Due !es oranges !es$ommes et !es $ombons $arc Due nousallons faire l'arbre !e noel cette annS et les

jeauI ferait mieuI $our l'arbre !e =oel" 4l nefaut $as !ire $etite mere s'il vous $lait$arce Due je ne veut $as Duelle sache sil vousvoule venir ce soir !u ceil $our Due vous$ouve me !onner ce Due je vous !eman!eites bon jour U la 5t" @iearge est l'enfant;euses et 5te ;ose$h" A!ieu cher 5t"

=ilgoes"M

4 haven't altere! the s$elling, 4 love it too well,$ro$hetic of a fault 4 still carr about me" :owstrange that little bit of invocation to the !ear


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folk above soun!s to me nowK ( mothermust have been teaching me things after herown $ersuasion most naturall, $oor !ear

one--though that too has gone like water oOm min!" 4t was one of the troubles betweenher an! m father% the com$act that 4 was tobe brought u$ a 3atholic was !issolve! afterthe se$arate! an! 4 am sorr, thinking itunjust to her et gla!, content with beingwhat 4 am"

4 must have been less than Fve when 4$enne! this% 4 was alwas a letter-writer, itseems"

4t is a re$roach now from man that 4 havecease! to be% an! to them 4 fear it is true"That 4 have not trul cease!, Mwitness un!er

m han! these $resents,M--or whatever mabe the $ro$er legal terms for an aJ!avit"

?hat wereyoulike, Belove!, as a ver smallchil! 5houl! 4 have love! ou from thebeginning ha! we to!!le! to the rencounteran! woul! m love have $asse! safel

through the Mgallous oung houn!M $erio!an! coul! 4 love ou more now in an case,ha! 4 allour !as treasure! u$ in m heart,instea! of less than a ear of them

:ow strangel much have seven miles ke$t


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our fates a$artK 4t seems uncharacteristic forthis small worl!,--where meetings come aboutso far above the !reams of average--to have

$lae! us such a $rank"This must !o for this once, Belove! forbehol! me bus to-!a% with what, 4 shall nottell ou" 4 woul! like to $ut ou to a test, asla!ies !i! their knights of ol!, an! har!l ever!o now--fearing, 4 su$$ose, lest the s$eciesshoul! altogether fail them at the $inch" 4woul! like to see if ou coul! come here an!sit with me from beginning to en!, with youreyes shut% never once o$ening them" 4 am notsaing whether 4 think curiosit, or aOection,woul! make the attem$t too !iJcult" But ifou were sure ou coul!, ou might comehere to-morrow--a !a otherwise inter!icte!"

6nl know, having come, that if ou o$enthose !ear cu$boar!s of vision an! set eeson things not et inten!e! to be looke! at,there will be confusion of tongues in thisTower we are buil!ing whose to$ is to reachheaven" ?ill ou come 4 !on't sayMcomeM 4onl want to know--will ou

To-!a m love Nies low over the earth like aswallow before rain, an! touching the to$s ofthe Nowers has culle! ou these" >iss themuntil the o$en% the are full of m thoughts,


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as the worl!, to me, is full of ou"

LETTE& C4@"6wn earest% 3ome 4 !i! not think that ouwoul!, or mean that ou shoul! seriousl foris it not a $oor wa of love to make the objectof it cut an absur! or $artl absur! Fgure 4wrote onl as a woman having a secret on theti$ of her tongue an! the ti$s of her Fngers,an! full of a longing to sa it an! sen! it"

:ere it is at last% love me for it, 4 have worke!so har! to get it !oneK An! ou !o not knowwh an! what for Belove!, it--this--is theanniversar of the !a we Frst met an! ouhave forgotten it alrea! or never

remembere! it%--an! et have been clamoringfor Mthe lettersMK

6n the Frst anniversar of our marriage, ifyou remember it, ou shall have those sameletters% an! not otherwise" 5o there the liesafe till !ooms!aK

The ("-A" has been ver gracious an! clearafter her little outbreak of ester!a% herre$entances, after 4 have hurt her feelings,are so gentle an! sweet, the alwas Fll mewith com$unction" 9in!ing that 4 woul! go on


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with the thing 4 was !oing, she volunteere! tocome an! rea! to me% a reDuiem over thebone of contention which we ha! gnawe!

between us" ?as not that $rett an!charitable 5he rea! Tennson's Life for asoli! hour, an! continue! it to-!a" 4sn't itfunn that she shoul! take u$ such a book--she who Mcan't abi!eM Tennson or Browningor 5hakes$eare% onl likes Bron, 4 su$$osebecause it was the right an! fashionable

liking when she was oung" #et she is$lo!!ing through the Life religiousl--onlski$$ing the verses" 4 have come across twolittle s$ecimens of Meath an! the chil!M in it":is son, Lionel, was carrie! out in a blanketone night in the great comet ear, an! wakingu$ un!er the stars aske!, MAm 4 !ea!M

=umber two is of a little girl at ?ellington'sfuneral who saw his charger carring hisboots, an! aske!, M5hall 4 be like that after 4!ieM

A Dueer ol! la! came to lunch ester!a, agreat traveler, though lame on two crutches"?e carefull hi! all gui!e-books an! ma$s,

an! hel! our $eace about neIt month, lestshe shoul! insist on coming too% though 4think =ineveh was the $lace she was mostanIious to go to, if the ("-A" woul! consent toaccom$an herK


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Goo!-b, !earest of one-ear-ol!acDuaintancesK ou, too, sen! our blessingon the anniversar, now that m better

memor has remin!e! ou of itK All thatfollow we will bless in com$an" 4 trust ou areone-half as ha$$ as 4 am, m own, m own"

LETTE& C@"

#ou tol! me, !earest, that 4 shoul! Fn! ourmother formi!able" 4t is true 4 !i!" 5he is a$erson ver much in the gran! $agan stle% 4a!mire it, but 4 cannot Now in that sort ofcom$an, an! 4 think she meant to crush me"#ou were ver wise to leave her to comealone"

4 like her% 4 mean 4 believe that un!er thatterribleness she has a heart of gol!, whichonce o$ene! woul! never shut% but she hasnot o$ene! it to me" 4 believe she coul! havea great charit, that no evil-!oing woul!!isma her% MstanchM sums her u$" But 4 have!one nothing wrong enough et to bring me

into her goo! graces" Loving her son, even,though, 4 fear, a great oOense, has !one meno goo! turn"

Perha$s that is her inconsistenc% women are


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sure to be inconsistent somewhere% it is theirbirthright"

4 began to stu! her at once, to Fn!you% it!i! not take long" :ow 4 coul! love her, if shewoul! let meK

#ou know her far far better than 4, an! wantno a!vice% otherwise 4 woul! sa--never $raiseme to her Duote m follies ratherK To givegroun! for her !istaste to revel in will not

!ee$en me in her ba! books so much asattem$ts to war$ her ju!gment"

4 nee! not go through it all% she will have tol!ou all that is to the $ur$ose about ourmeeting" 5he bristle! in, a brave ol! FghtingFgure, announcing com$ulsion in ever line,

but with all her colors Ning" 5he waite! forthe !oor to close, then sai!, M( son hasbi!!en me come, 4 su$$ose it is m !ut% he ishis own master now"M

?e onl shook han!s" 6ur talk was ver littleof ou" 4 showe! her all the horses, the !ogs,an! the $oultr she let the ins$ection a$$ear

to conclu!e with mself% aske! me m habits,an! sai! 4 looke! health" 4 owne! 4 felt it"MLooks an! feelings are the most !ece$tivethings in the worl!,M she tol! me a!!ing thatM$oor stockM got more than its share of these"


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An! when she sai! it 4 saw Duite $lainl thatshe meant me"

4 won!er where she gets the notion% for weare a long-live! race, both si!es of the famil"4 guesse! that she woul! like frankness, an!was as frank as 4 coul! be, $reten!ing no!eference to her objections" M#ou think ousuit each otherM she aske! me" ( answer,M:e suits meKM $lease! her maternal $alate, 4think" MAn girl might sa thatKM she a!mitte!"5he might in!ee!KH

This is the $art of our interview she will nothave re$eate! to ou"

4 was !ue at :illn when she was $re$aring togo% Aunt =---- came in, an! 4 left her to !o the

honors while 4 sli$$e! on m habit" 4 ro!e bour mother's carriage as far as theGreenwa, where we branche!" 4 su$$ose thatis what her $hrase means that ou Duoteabout m Mmaking a tro$h of her,M an!marching her a $risoner across the bor!ersbefore all the worl!K

4 !o like her% she is worth winning"--3an onesa warmer of a future mother-in-law whostan!s hostile

All the same it was an or!eal" 4 believe 4 have


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we$t since% for Benj scratche! m !oor oftenester!a evening, an! looke! most wistfulwhen 4 came out" (erel $altr self-love,

!earest%--4 am so little accustome! to notbeing--like!"

4 think she will be more gracious in her ownhouse" 4 have her formal wor! that 4 am tocome" 5oon, not too soon, 4 will come overan! ou shall meet me an! take me to seeher" There is something in her o$$osition that4 can't fathom% 4 won!ere! twice was lunacher notion% she looke! at me so har!"

( mother's seclusion an! living a$art fromus was not on thataccount" 4 often saw her%she was ver !ear an! sweet to me, an! ha!Duiet ees the ver reverse of a $erson

mentall !erange!" ( father, 4 know, went tovisit her when she la !ing an! 4 rememberwe all wore mourning" ( uncle has tol! methe ha! a !ee$ regar! for each other% but!isagree!, an! were in!e$en!ent enough tochoose living a$art"

4 !o not remember m father ever s$eaking ofher to us as chil!ren% but 4 am sure there wasno state of health to be conceale!"

Last night 4 was talking to Aunt =---- abouther" MA ver !ear woman,M she tol! me, Mbut


45/260

our father was never so much alive to herworth as the rest of us"M 6f him she sai!, MA!ear, Fne fellow% but not at all eas to get on

with"M :im, of course, 4 have a continuousrecollection of, an! Ma Fne fellowM we !i!think him" ( mother comes to me morerarel, at intervals"

on't talk me !own our mother's throat% buttell her as much as she cares to know of this" 4am ver $rou! of m MstockM which she thinksM$oorMK

ear, how much 4 have written on thingswhich can never concern us Fnall, an! soshoul! not ruQe us while the lastK :ol! mein our heart alwas, alwas an! the worl!ma turn a!amant to me for aught 4 careK Be

in m !reams to-nightK

LETTE& C@4"

But, earest% ?hen 4 think of ou 4 neverDuestion whether what 4 think woul! be true

or false in the ees of others" All thatconcerns ou seems to go on a !iOerent $lanewhere evi!ence has no meaning or eIistence%where nobo! eIists or means anthing, butonl we two alone, engage! in bringing about


46/260

for ourselves the still greater solitu!e of twointo one" 6h, Belove!, what a com$an thatwill beK Take me in our arms, fasten me to

our heart, breathe on me" en me eitherbreath or the light of !a% 4 am ours eDuall,to live or !ie at our wor!" 4 shut m ees tofeel our kisses falling on me like rain, or stillmore like sunshine,--et most of all like kisses,m own !earest an! best belove!K

6h, we twoK how won!erful we seemK An! tothink that there have been lovers like us sincethe worl! began% an! the worl! not able to tellus one little wor! of it%--not well, so as to bebelieve!--or onl along with sa!ness where9ate has broken u$ the heavens which laover some $air of lovers" 6enone's cr, MAhme, m mountain she$her!,M tells us of the

jo when it has vanishe!, an! most of all 4 getit in that song of wife an! husban! whichen!s%--

M=ot a wor! for ou, =ot a lock or kiss, Goo!-b" ?e, one, must $art in two @eril !eath isthis% 4 must !ie"M

4t was a woman wrote that% an! we get lovethereK 4s it onl when jo is $ast that we cangive it its full eI$ression Even now, Belove!,4 break !own in tring to sa how 4 love ou" 4


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cannot $ut all m jo into m wor!s, nor allm love into m li$s, nor all m life into ourarms, whatever wa 4 tr" 5omething remains

that 4 cannot eI$ress" Believe, !earest, thatthe half has not et been s$oken, neither ofm love for ou, nor of m trust in ou,--nor ofa wish that seems sa!, but comes in a vertumult of ha$$iness--the wish to !ie so thatsome unknown goo! ma come to ou out ofme"

=ot till ou !ie, !earest, shall 4 !ie trulK 4 loveou now too much for our heart not to carrme to its grave, though 4 shoul! !ie now, an!ou live to be a hun!re!" 4 $ra ou maK 4cannot choose a !a for ou to !ie" 4 am toograteful to life which has given me to ou tosa--if 4 were !ing--M3ome with me, !earestKM

Though, how the wor!s tem$t me as 4 writethemK--3ome with me, !earest% es, comeKAh, but ou kiss me more, 4 think, when wesa goo!-b than when meeting so ou willkiss me most of all when 4 have to !ie%--athing in !eath to look forwar! toK An!, tillthen,--life, life, till 4 am out of m !e$th in

ha$$iness an! !rown in our armsK

Belove!, that 4 can write so to ou,--thinkwhat it means what ou have ma!e me comethrough in the wa of love, that this, which 4


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coul! not have !reame! before, comes fromme with the thought of ouK #ou tol! me to bestill--to let ou Mworshi$M% 4 was to write back

acce$tance of all our !ear wor!s" Are ounever to be at m feet, ou ask" 4n!ee!,!earest, 4 !o not know how, for 4 cannot movefrom where 4 amK o ou feel where mthoughts kiss ou #ou woul! be veIe! withme if 4 wrote it !own, so 4 !o not" An! after all,some !a, un!er a bright star of Provi!ence, 4

ma have gifts for ou after m own min!which will allow me to grow $rou!" 6nl nowall the giving comes from ou" 4t is 4 who amenriche! b our love, beon! knowle!ge ofm former self" Areyouchange!, !earest, banthing 4 have !one

( heart goes to ou like a tree in the win!,

an! all these thoughts are loose leaves thatN after ou when 4 have to remain behin!"ear lover, what short visits ours seemK an!the (other-Aunt tells me the are mostunconscionabl long"--#ou will not $a anattention to that, $lease% forever let theheavens fall rather than that a hint to such

foul eOect shoul! grow o$erative through meK

This brings ou me so far as it can%--such littlewor!s oO so great a bo! of--MlikingM shall 4call it ( $a$er sto$s me% it is m last sheet%


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4 shoul! have to go !own to the librar to getmore--else 4 think 4 coul! not cease writing"

(ore love than 4 can name"--Ever, !earest,our own"

LETTE& C@44"

earest% o 4 not write ou long letters 4treveals m weakness" 4 have thought it ha!

been coming on me, an! now an! then ha!broken out of me before 4 met ouH that, leftto mself, 4 shoul! have become a writer ofbooks--4 scarcel can guess what sort--an!gone contente!l into mi!!le-age with thatinstea! of thisas m raison d'tre"

:ow gla!l 4 la !own that $art of mself, an!sa--MBut for ou, 4 ha! been this Duite other$erson, whom 4 have no wish to be nowMKBelove!, our heart is the shelf where 4 $ut allm uncut volumes, won!ering a little whatsort of a writer 4 shoul! have ma!e an!chieN won!ering, woul!youhave like! me in

that characterThere is one here in the famil who consi!ersme a writer of the !arkest !e, an! !oes nota$$rove of it" Benj comes an! sits mostmournfull facing me when 4 settle !own on a


50/260

sunn morning, such as this, to write% an!inDuires, with all the !umbness a !og isca$able of--M?hat has come between us, that

ou Fll u$ our time an! mine with thosecat's-claw scratchings, when ou shoul! be inour woo!lan! !ress running with2 methrough !am$ $lacesM

:aving written this sentimental meaning intohis ees, an! Benj still sitting watching me, 4was seie! with ruth for m neglect of him,an! took him to see his mother's grave" At thebottom of the long walk is our !og'scemeter%--no tombstones, but moun!s an! a!og-rose grows there an! Nourishes asnowhere else" 4t was m fanc as a chil! tohave it $lante!% an! 4 !eclare to ou, it hastaken won!erfull to the notion, as if it knew

that it ha! relations of a higher s$ecies un!erits kee$ing" Benj, too, has a $rofoun! air ofknowing, an! never scratches for bones there,as he !oes in other $laces" ?hat horror, were4 to Fn! him !igging u$ his mother's skeletonK?oul! m esteem for him survive

?hen we got there to-!a, he !e$recate! mchoice of localit, asking what 4 ha! broughthim therefor" 4 $ointe! out to him the $recisemoun! which covere! the object of hisearliest aOections, an! gathere! ou these


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bu!s" Are the not a !ee$ color for wil!ones--if their blush remains a FIe! state tillthe $ost brings them to ou"

Through what Nower woul! ou best like to be$asse! back, as regar!s our material atoms,into the s$iritualie! si!e of nature, when wehave !one with ourselves in this life =osingle Nower Duite covers all m wants an!as$irations" #ou an! 4 woul! $ut our hea!stogether un!ergroun! an! evolve a newNower--Mcarnation, lil, lil, roseM--an! sen! itu$ one Fne morning for scientists to !is$uteover an! give !iabolical learne! names to"?hat an en! to our co Noral collaborationthat woul! beK

:ere en!eth the e$istle% the elect salutes ou"

This week, if the authorities $ermit, 4 shall be$aing ou a Ning visit, with wings full ofees,--and, 4 ho$e, healing for 4 believe ouare see!, an! that thatis what is behin! it"#ou notice 4 have not com$laine!" earest,how coul! 4K ( ha$$iness reaches to theclou!s--that is, to where things are not Duite

clear at $resent" 4 love ou no more than 4ought% et far more than 4 can name" Goo!-night an! goo!-morning"--#our star, since oucall me so"


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LETTE& C@444"

earest% =ot having ha! a letter from ou thismorning, 4 have rea! over some back ones,an! Fn! in one a bi!!ing which 4 have neverfulFlle!, to tell ou what 4 doall !a" ?as thatto avoi! the too great length of m telling ouwhat 4 think #et ou get more of me this wathan that" ?hat 4 !o is ever !a so much the

same% while what 4 think is alwas !iOerent":owever, since ou want a woman of actionrather than of brain, here 4 start telling ou"

4 wake $unctual an! hungr at the soun! of=an-nan's !rawing of the blin!s% wait till sheis gone the ol! !arling $otters an! tattles% itis her most $ossessive moment of me in the

!a, eIce$t when 4 sham hea!aches, an! lether $ut me to be!H then 4 have m han!un!er m $illow an! !raw out our last for area!ing that has lost count whether it is thetwent-secon! or the Fft-secon! time--!iscover new beauties in it, an! run to theglass to !iscover new beauties in mself,--Fn!

them Benj comes u$ with the $ost's latest,an! behol!, m !a is begunK

4s that the sort of thing ou want to know (!as are without an action worth naming% 4


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onl think swelling thoughts, an! write someof them% if ever 4 !o anthing worth telling, besure 4 run a $en-an!-ink race to tell ou" =o, it

is man who doesthings a woman onl!i!!les to a!a$t a wor! of !iminutive soun!for the occasionH, unless, goo!, fortunate,in!e$en!ent thing, she works for her ownliving% an! that is not meK

4 feel sometimes as if a real bar were betweenme an! a whole conce$tion of life because 4have car$ets an! curtains, an! =an-nan, an!Benj, an! last of all ou--shutting me outfrom the realities of eIistence"

4f ou woul! all leave me just for one fullmoon, an! come back to me onl when 4 amstarving for ou all--for m tea to be brought

to me in the morning, an! all the $a!!ingsan! cushionings which bolster me u$ frommorning till night--with what a sigh of wis!om4 woul! !ro$ back into our arms, an! woul!let ou !raw the rose-colore! curtains roun!me againK

=ow 4 am afrai! lest 4 have become tooha$$% 4 am leaning so far out of win!ow towelcome the !awn, 4 seem to be tem$ting afall--heaven itself to fall u$on me"

?hat !o 4 knowtrul, who onl know so much


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ha$$iness

earest, if there is anthing else in love which4 !o not know, teach it me Duickl% 4 amutterl ours" 4f there is sorrow to give, give itmeK 6nl let me have with it theconsciousness of our love"

6h, m !ear, 4 lose mself if 4 think of ou somuch" ?hat woul! life have without ou in itThe sun woul! !ro$ from m heavens" 4 see

onl b ouK ou have kisse! me on the ees"#ou are more to me than m own $oor braincoul! ever have !evise!% ha! 4 starte! toinvent Para!ise, 4 coul! not have invente!you" But $erha$s ou have invente! me% 4 amsomething new to mself since 4 saw ou Frst"Go! bless ou for itK

Even if ou were to shut our ees at menow--though 4 might go blin!, ou coul! notunmake me%--MThe go!s themselves cannotrecall their gifts"M Also that 4 am ours is a giftof the go!s, 4 will trust% an! so, not to berecalle!K

>iss me, !earest here where 4 have writtenthisK 4 am ours, Belove!" 4 kiss ou again an!again"--Ever our own making"


55/260

LETTE& C4C"

earest, earest% :ow long has thisha$$ene! #ou !on't tell me the !a or thehour" 4s it ever since ou last wrote Then ouhave been in $ain an! grief for four !as% an!4 not knowing anthing about itK An! ou haveno han! in the house kin! enough to let ou!ictate b it one small wor! to $oor me ?hatheartless merrmakings ma 4 not have sentou to worr ou, when soothing was the onething wante! ?ell, 4 will not worr now, thenneither at not being tol!, nor at not beingallowe! to come% but 4 will come thus an!thus, 6 m !ear heart, an! take ou in marms" An! ou will be comforte!, will ou notbe when 4 tell ou that even if ou ha! nolegs at all, 4 woul! love ou just the same"

4n!ee!, !earest, so much of ou is asu$erNuit% just our heart against mine, an!the soun! of our voice, woul! carr me u$ tomore heavens than 4 coul! otherwise have!reame! of" 4 ma sa now, now that 4 know itwas not our choice, what a voi! these lastfew !as the lack of letters has been to me" 4

won!ere!, trul, if ou ha! foun! it well to $utoO such visible signs for a while in or!er toa$$ease one who, in other things moreessential, sees ou rebellious" But the won!eris over now an! 4 !on't want ou to write--not


56/260

till a consultation of !octors or!ers it for thegoo! of our health" 4 will be so ha$$ talkingto ou% also 4 am sen!ing ou books%--those 4

wish ou to rea! an! which now ou must,since ou have the leisureK An! 4 for m $artwill make time an! rea! ours" ?hose !o oumost want me to rea!, that m e!ucation inour likings ma become com$lete ?hat 4sen! ou will not !e$rive me of anthing% for 4have the beautiful com$lete set--our gift--

an! shall rea! si!e b si!e with ou to realiein imagination what the ha$$iness of rea!ingthem for the Frst time ought to be"

#ester!a, b a most unsm$athetic instinct, 4went out for a long tram$ on m two feet an!no ache in them came an! tol! me of ouK6ver 5illingfor! 4 sat on a bank an! looke!

!ownhill where went a carter" An! 4 looke!u$hill where la something which might benothing--or not his" =ow, shall 4 make a fool ofmself b $ursuing to tell him he ma have!ro$$e! something, or shall 4 go on an! see5o 4 went on an! saw a coat with a fat $ocket%an! b then he was out of sight, an! $erha$s

it wasn't his an! it was ver hot an! the hillstee$" 5o 4 min!e! m own business, making3ain's motto mine an! now feel so ha!, beingDuite sure that it was his" An! 4 won!er howman miles he will have tram$e! back looking


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for it, an! whether his !inner was in the$ocket"

These unintentional mis!oings are the MsinsMone re$ents of all one's life long% 4 have othersstore! awa, the bitterest of small things!one or un!one in haste an! re$ente! of at somuch leisure afterwar!s" An! alwas !one to$eo$le or things 4 ha! no gru!ge against,sometimes even a love for" The are mskeletons% 4 will tell ou of them some !a"

This, !earest, is our Frst enforce! absencefrom each other an! 4 feel it almost morehar! on me than on ou" Belove!, let us laour hearts together an! get comforte!" 4t isnot real se$aration to know that another $artof the worl! contains the rest of me" 6h, the

rest of me, the rest of me that ou areK 5o,thinking of ou, 4 can never be tire!" 4 restours"

LETTE& CC"

#es, earest, MPatienceKM but it is a virtue 4have little enough of naturall, an! use! to betaught to $ra for as a chil!" An! 4 rememberonce reall hurting clear (other-Aunt'sfeelings b tring to re$a her for that


58/260

teaching b a little iniDuitous laughter at hereI$ense" 4t was too funn for me to feel vercontrite about, as 4 !o sometimes over Duite

small things, or 4 woul! not be telling it ounow for there are things in me 4 woul!conceal even from ouH" 4 !are sa ouwoul!n't guess it, but the ("-A" is a most long$erson over her $rivate !evotions" Perha$s itwas her own habit, with the cares of ahousehol! sometimes conNicting, which ma!e

her recite to me so often her $et legen! of asaintl $erson who, constantl interru$te!over her $raers b mun!ane matters,became a $attern in $atience out of thesesni$$ings of her go!l !esires" 5o, one !a,angels in the !isguise of cross $eo$le withselFsh !eman!s on her time came seeking to

know where in her com$osition or com$osureeIas$eration began% an! Fn!ing none, thelet her return in $eace to her missal, wherefor a rewar! all the letters ha! been turne!into gol!" MAn! that, m !ear, comes of$atience,M m aunt woul! sa, till 4 grew alittle tire! of the saing" 4 !on't know whateI$erience m uncle ha! gathere! of her$atience un!er like circumstances% but 4notice that to this !a he trea!s !elicatel,like Agag, when he knows her to be on herknees an! $refers then to sen! me on hiserran!s instea! of !oing them himself"


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5o it ha$$ene! one !a that he wante! a$articular coat which ha! been $ut awa inher clothes-closet--an! she was on her knees

between him an! it, with the time of herAmen Duite in!eFnite" 4 was sent, sai! merran! brieN, an! was $ermitte! to fumbleout her kes from her $ocket while shecontinue! to kneel over her morning $salms"

?hat 4 brought to him turne! out to be thewrong coat% 4 went back an! knocke! forrea!mittance" Long-suOeringl she ba!e meto come in" 4 eI$laine!, an! still shere$resse! herself, onl saing in a tone ofaQiction, Mo see this time that ou take theright oneKM

After 4 ha! ma!e m secon! selection, an!

$rove! it right on m uncle's $erson, the$arallelism of things struck me, an! 4 ski$$e!back to m aunt's !oor an! ta$$e!" 4 got alow wailing M#esM for answer--a monosllabicsubstitute for the M:ow long, 6 Lor!M of asaint in !iJculties" ?hen 4 calle! through thekehole, MAre our $salms written in gol!M

she became reall angr%--4 su$$ose becausethe miracle so well earne! ha! not come to$ass"

?ell, !earest, if ou have been $atient with


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me over so much about nothing, 4 $ra thisletter ma a$$ear to ou written in gol!" ?h4 write so is, $artl, that, it is ba! for us both

to be !own in the mouth, or with hearts !ownat heel% an! so, since ou cannot, 4 have to !othe !ancing--an!, $artl, because 4 foun! 4ha! a ba! tem$er on me which nee!e!curing, an! being brought to the sun-go-!own$oint of owing no man anthing" ?hich,sooner sai!, has Fnall been !one an! 4 am

ver meek now an! loving to ou, an!everthing belonging to ou--not to comenearer the sore $oint"

An! 4 ho$e some !a, some !a, as a rewar!to m $resent submission, that ou will s$rainour ankle in m com$an just a ver littlebit for an eIcuseH an! let me have the nursing

of itK 4t hurts m heart to have our $oorbones cring out for comfort that 4 am not tobring to them" 4 feel robbe! of a $art of m!omestic training, an! ma never $ick u$what 4 have just lost" An! 4 fear greatl oumust have been trul in $ain to have $ut oO(ere!ith for a !a" 4f 4 ha! been at han! to

rea! to ou, 4 Natter mself ou woul! havelike! him well, an! been soothe!" #ou musttake the will, Belove!, for the !ee!" 4 kiss ounow, as much as even ou can !eman! an!when ou get this 4 will be thinking of ou all


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over again"--?hen !o 4 ever leave oO Love,love, love till our neIt meeting-, an! thenmore love still, an! moreK--Ever our own"

LETTE& CC4"

earest% 4 am in a sim$le moo! to-!a, an!give ou the beneFt of it% 4 shall becomecom$licate! again $resentl, an! ou willhear from me !irectl that ha$$ens"

The house onl em$tie! itself this morning 4ma sa em$tie!, for the remain!er Fts like asaint into her niche, an! is far too comfortableto count" This is 3----, whom ou onl oncemet, when she sat so much in the backgroun!that ou will not remember her" 5he has one

weakness, a thirst between meals--theblameless thirst of a rabi! teetotaler" 5hehi!es cu$s of col! tea about the $lace, as a!og its bones% now an! then one gets s$ille!or sat on, an! when she hears of the acci!ent,she looks thirst, with a thirst which onl that$articular cu$ of tea coul! have Duenche!" 4n

no other wa is she an trouble% in!ee!, sheis a great !ear, an! has the face of a(a!onna, as beautiful as an a$ocr$halgos$el to look at an! Mmake believeM in"


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Arthur, too, like the rest of them, when hecame over to give me his brotherl blessing,wishe! to know what ou were like" 4 !i!n't

$reten! to remember our outwar!a$$earance too well,--tol! him ou looke! likea common or gar!en Englishman, an! rouse!his sus$icions b so careless a cham$ionshi$of m choice" :e accuse! me of being inrealit highl sentimental about ou, an! withhaving at that moment our $ortrait

conceale! an! strung aroun! m neck in alocket" (other-Aunt stoo! u$ for me againsthim, !eclaring 4 was Mtoo sensible a girl fornonsense of that sort"M 4t is a little weaknessof hers, ou know, to resent eItremes ofen!earment towar!s anone but herself inthose she has Mbroo!e!,M an! she has thought

us hitherto most restraine! an! $ro$er--as,in!ee!, have we not beenH Arthur an! 4eIchange! tokens of truce% in a little while oOwent m aunt to be!, leaving us alone" Then,for he is the one of us that 4 am most frankwith% MArthur,M crie! 4, an! u$ came our littlelocket like a bucket from a well, for him tohave his Frst sight of ou, m Belove!" :eobjecte! that he coul! not see faces in anutshell an! 4 su$$ose others cannot% onl 4"

:e, too, is gone" 4f ou ha! been coming hewoul! have s$are! another !a--for to-!a


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was$lanne! an! !ate!, ou will remember--an! we woul! have ri!!en halfwa to meetou" But, as fate has tri$$e! ou, an! ma!e

all comings on our $art in!eFnite, he sen!sou his ho$es for a later meeting"

:ow is our $oor foot 4 su$$ose, as it is ill, 4ma sen! it a kiss b $ost an! wish it well 4!o" Trul, ou are to let me know if it givesou much $ain, an! 4 will lie awake thinking ofou" This is not sentimental, for if one knowsthat a frien! is occu$ie! over one'sslee$lessness one feels the comfort"

4 am $er$leIe! how else to give ou mcom$an% our mother, 4 know, coul! not ettrul welcome me an! 4 wish to be as $atientas $ossible, an! not $ush for favors that are

not oOere!" 5o 4 cannot come an! ask to takeou out in hercarriage, nor come an! carrou awa in mine" ?e must tr how fast wecan hol! han!s at a !istance"

4 have ke$t u$ to where ou have beenrea!ing in M&ichar! 9everel,M though it has

been a scramble% for 4 have less o$$ortunitof rea!ing, 4 with m feet, than ou withoutours" 4nyourbook 4 have just got to thesmuggling awa of General (onk in the$erforate! coJn, an! m sense of histor


64/260

ca$itulates in an aban!onment of laughter" 4iel!K The Gaul's invasion of Britain alwasbecomes broa! farce when he attem$ts it"

This in clever lu!icrousness beats theunintentional come! of @ictor :ugo's M;ohn-;im-;ackM as a name t$ical of Anglo-5aIonchristenings" But umas, through a !oenabsur!ities, knows a$$arentl how to stalk hisDuarr% so large a genius ma $la the foolan! remain wise"

#ou see 4 have given our author a warmwelcome at last% an! what about ou an!mine Tell me ou love his women an! 4 willnot be jealous" 4n!ee!, outsi!e him 4 !on'tknow where to Fn! a written English womanof mo!ern times whom 4 woul! care to meet,or coul! feel honestl boun! to look u$ to%--

nowhere will 4 have her shaking her ringlets atme in ickens or Thackera" 5cott is sim$lnot mo!ern an! :ar!'s women, if the havenobilit in them, get so cruell broken on thewheel that ou get but the wrecks of them atlast" 4t is onl his charming baggages whocome to a goo! en!ing"

4 like an author who has the courage an! self-restraint to leave his noble creations alive% tooman tr to ennoble them b !eath" 9or m$art, if 4 have to go out of life before ou, 4


65/260

woul! gla!l trust ou to the han!s of 3lara,or &ose, or ;anet, or most of all @ittoriathough, to be accurate, 4 fear the have all

grown too ol! for ou b now"An! ou have ou an men to oOer me inturn out of our literar a!mirations,su$$osing ou shoul! !ie of a sna$$e! ankle?oul! ou give me to !'Artagnan forinstance :ar!l, 4 sus$ectK But either chooseme some $roI hero, or get well an! come tomeK #ou will be ver welcome when ou !o"5lee$ is making san! ees at me% goo!-night, !earest"

LETTE& CC44"

?h, m Belove!% 5ince ou $ut it to me as a$oint of conscience it is onl ling on ourback with one active leg !oing nothing, an!the other !ing to have !one aching, whichhas ma!e ou take this new start of inDuiringwithin u$on everthingH, since ou call on mefor a conscientious answer, 4 sa that it stan!s

to reason that 4 love ou more than ou loveme, because there is so much more of ou tolove, let alone Ft for loving"

o ou imagine that ou are going to be a


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cri$$le for life, an! therefore an in!iOerent!ancer in the !ances 4 shall alwas be lea!ingou, that ou have starte! this Ft of self-

!e$reciation 6r is it because 4 have thrown(ere!ith at our sick hea! that ou !oubt mtact an! m aOection, an! m $ower $atientlto bear for our sake a goo! !eal of col!shoul!er earest, remember 4 am !octoringou from a !istance% an! am not et allowe!to come an! see m $atient, so can onl

ju!ge from our letters how ill ou are" Thatou have been concealing from me almosttreacherousl% an! onl b a $iece of abjectwalaing !i! 4 receive wor! to-!a of ourslee$less nights, an! so get the ke to oursm$toms" La b (ere!ith, then, for a while%4 am sen!ing ou a cargo of 5tevenson

instea!" #ou have been trul unkin!, tring torea! what reDuire! eOort, when ou were Ftfor nothing of the sort"

An! lest even 5tevenson shoul! be too muchfor ou, an! wanting ver much, an! $erha$sa little bit jealousl, to be our mostsuccessful nurse, 4 am letting m last large bit

of shness of ou go an! with a $leasant sortof $ain, because 4 know 4 have hit on a thingthat will $lease ou, 4 o$en m han!s an! letou have these, an! with them goes m lastblush% henceforth 4 am a woman without a


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secret, an! all our interest in me maeva$orate" #et 4 know well it will not"

As for this resurrection $ie from love's !ea!-letter oJce, ou will Fn! from it at least onething--how much 4 !e$en!e! u$on res$onsefrom ou before 4 coul! become at allarticulate" 4t is ou, !earest, from thebeginning who have set m hea! an! heartfree an! ma!e me a woman" 4 am somethingDuite !iOerent from the sort of chil! 4 was lessthan a ear ago when 4 wrote that small$raer which stan!s s$onsor for all thatfollows" :ow abun!antl it has beenanswere!, !earest Belove!, onl 4 know% ou!o notK

=ow m $raer is not that ou shoul! Mcome

true,M but that ou shoul! get well" o thisone little thing for me, !earestK 9or ou 4 will!o anthing% m ha$$iness waits for that" Aset 4 seem to have !one nothing" 6h, but,Belove!, 4 willK 9rom a rea!ing of the 9ioretti, 4sign mself as 4 feel"--#our glorious $oor littleone"

T:E 3A5>ET LETTE&5"

A"


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m !ear Prince ?on!erful,/2

Pra Go! bless ---- ---- an! make him cometrue for m sake" Amen"

R.S..!.

9ootnote /% The (5" containe! at Frst noname, but a blank over it this has beenwritten afterwar!s in a small han!"2

B"

ear Prince ?on!erful% =ow that 4 have metou 4 $ra that ou will be m frien!" 4 wantjust a little of our frien!shi$, but that, somuch, so muchK An! even for that little 4 !onot know how to ask"

Alwas to beyourfrien!% of that ou shall beDuite sure"

3"

ear Prince ?on!erful% Long ago when 4 wasstill a chil! 4 tol! mself of ou% but thought ofou onl as in a fair tale" =ow 4 am afrai! of

trusting m ees or ears, for fear 4 shoul!think too much of ou before 4 know ou reallto be true" o not make me wish so much tobe our frien!, unless ou are also going to betrueK


69/260

Please come true now, for mine an! for all theworl!'s sake%--but for mine es$eciall,because 4 thought of ou FrstK An! if ou are

not able to come true, !on't make me see ouan more" 4 shall alwas remember ou, an!be gla! that 4 have seen ou just once"

"

ear Prince ?on!erful% "asGo! blesse! ouet an! ma!e ou come true 4 have not seen

ou again, so how am 4 to know =ot that it isnecessar for me to know even if ou !ocome true" 4 believe alrea! that ou are true"

4f 4 were never to see ou again 4 shoul! begla! to think of ou as living, an! shall alwasbe our frien!" 4 $ra that ou ma come to

know that"E"

ear :ighness% 4 !o not know what to write toou% 4 onl know how much 4 wish to write" 4have alwas written the things 4 thoughtabout% it has been eas to Fn! wor!s for

them" =ow 4 think about ou, but have nowor!s%--no wor!s, !ear :ighness, for ouK 4coul! write at once if 4 knew ou were mfrien!" 3ome true for me% 4 will have so muchto tell ou thenK


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9"

ear :ighness% 4f 4 believe in fair talescoming true, it is because 4 am su$erstitious"This is what 4 !i! to-!a" 4 shut m ees an!took a book from the shelf, o$ene! it, an! $utm Fngers !own on a $age" This is what 4came to%

MAll 4 believe! is trueK 4 am able et All 4 wantto get B a metho! as strange as new% are 4

trust the same to ouM

9ate sas, then, ou are to be m frien!" 9atehas sai! 4 am ours alrea!" That is vercertain" 6nl in real life where things cometrue woul! a book have o$ene! as this has!one"

G"

ear :ighness% 4 am sure now, then, that 4$lease ou, an! that ou like me, $erha$sonl a little% for ou turne! out of our wa tori!e with me though ou were goingsomewhere so fast" :ow much 4 wishe! it

when 4 saw ou coming, but !are! not believeit woul! come trueK

M3ome trueM% it is the wor! 4 have alwas beenwriting, an! everthing has%--ou most of allK


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#ou are more true each time 4 see ou" 5o truethat now 4 will write it !own at last,--the truthfor ou who have come so true"

ear :ighness an! Great :eart, 4 love ou!earl, though ou !on't know it,--Duite everso much an! am going to love ou ever somuch more, onl--$lease like mea little betterFrstK #ou on our !ear si!e must !osomething% or, before 4 know, 4 ma bewringing m han!s all alone on a !esertislan! to a bare blue horion, with nothing init real or fabulous"

4f 4 am to love ou, nothing but ha$$iness is tobe allowe! to come of it" 5o !on't come truetoo fast without one little wee corres$on!ingwish for me to Fn! that ou areK 4 am Duite

ha$$ thinking ou out slowl% it takes me all!a long the longer the betterK

4 won!er how often in m life 4 shall write!own that 4 love ou, having once written it 4!o%--4 love ouK there it2 is for ou, with moreto follow afterKH an! sen! ou m love as 4 !o

now into the great em$tiness of chance,ho$ing somehow, known or unknown, it mabless ou an! bring goo! to ou"

6h, but 'tis a win! worl!, an! 4 a merefeather in it% how can 4 get blown the wa 4


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woul!

5till 4 have a su$erstition that some star isover me which 4 have not seen et, but shall,--:eaven hel$ing me"

An! now goo!-night, an! no more, no more atallK 4 sen! out an M4 love ouM to be mcelestial commercial traveler for me while 4fol! mself u$ an! become its slee$ing$artner"

Goo!-night% ou are the best an! truest that 4ever !reame! et"

:"

ear :ighness% 4 begin not to be able to nameou anthing, for there is not a wor! for ou

that will !oK M:ighnessM ou are% but thatleaves ga$s an! col!nesses without en!"M&oal,M et much more serene than roal%though b that 4 !on't mean an !etractionfrom our roalt, for 4 never saw a man carrhis invisible crown with so level a hea! an! nohaughtiness at all% an! that is the Fnest

roalt of look $ossible"

4 look at ou an! won!er so how ou havegrown to this--to have become king so Duietlwithout an coronation ceremon" #ou have


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thought more than ou shoul! for ha$$inessat our age making me, b that one line inour forehea!, think ou were three ears

ol!er than ou reall are" 4 wish--if 4 !are wishou anthing !iOerent--that ou wereK 4tmakes me uncomfortable to remember that 4am--what Almost half a ear our el!er astime Nies%--not reall, for our brain was bornlong before mine began to rattle in its shell"#ou sa Duite oldthings, an! Duietl, as if ou

ha! ha! them in our min! ten ears alrea!"?hen ou tol! me about our two ol!$ensioners, the blin! man an! his wife, whomou brought to so funn a reconciliation, 4 feltMmir war, ich wuste nicht wieMH that 4 woul!like ver much to go blin!fol! le! b ou% itstruck me su!!enl how ha$$ woul! be a

blin!fol!ness of $erfect trust such as onemight have with our han!s on one" 4 su$$osethat is what in religion is calle! faith% 4 haven'tit there, m !ear but 4 have it in ou now" 4love ou, beginning to un!erstan! wh% atFrst 4 !i! not" 4 am ashame! not to have!iscovere! it earlier" The matter with ou isthat ou have goo!ness $revailing in ou, anintegrit of goo!ness, 4 mean%--a !iOerentthing from there being a whereabouts forgoo!ness in ou thatwe all have in some$ro$ortion or another" 4 was Duite right to loveou% 4 know it now,--4 !i! not when 4 Frst !i!"


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#ester!a 4 was turning over a sillMconfession bookM in which a rose waseverbo!'s favorite Nower, manliness the

Fnest Dualit for a man, an! womanliness fora woman which is as much as to sa that $igis the best Dualit for $ork, an! $ork for $igH%till 4 came u$on one !iOerent from the others,an! foun! mself saing M#esM all !own the$age"

4 turne! over for the signature, an! foun! mown mother's" ?as it not a strange sweetmeeting An! onl then !i! the memor ofher han!writing from far back come to me"5he !ie!, !ear :ighness, before 4 was sevenears ol!" 4 love her as 4 !o m earl memorof Nowers, as something ver sweet, har!l asa real $erson"

4 notice! she love! best in men an! womenwhat the lack most often% in a man, a fairmin! in a woman, courage" MBrave womenan! fair men,M she wrote" Bron might haveturne! in his grave at having his !issolutestiO-neck so wrung for him b misDuotation"

An! she--it must have been before theeighties ha! starte! the $o$ular crae forhim--chose (ere!ith, m own !ear (ere!ith,for her favorite author" :ow our tastes woul!have run together ha! she live!K


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?ell, 4 know ou fair, an! believe mselfbrave--constitutionall, so that 4 can't hel$ it%an! this, therefore, is not self-$raise" But

fairness in a man is a !ea!l har!acDuirement, 4 begin now to !iscover" #ouhave it FIe! fast in ou"

#ou, 4 think, began to !o just thingsconsciousl, as the bur!en of manhoo! beganin ou" 4 love to think of ou growing b!egrees till ou coul! carr our hea! so--an!no other wa so that, looking at ou, 4 can$romise mself ou never !i! a mean thing,an! never consciousl an unjust thing eIce$tto ourself" 4 can just fanc that fault in ou"But, whatever--4 love ou for it more an!more, an! am $rou! knowing ou an! Fn!ingthat we are to become frien!s" 9or it is that,

an! no less than that, now"

4 love ou an! me ou like cor!iall% an! thatis enough" 4 nee! not look behin! it, foralrea! 4 have no wa to re$a ou for theha$$iness this brings me"

4"6h, 4 think greatl of ou, m !ear an! ittakes long thinking" =ot merel such aDuantit of thought, but such a Dualit, makesso har! a !a's work that b the en! of it 4 am


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Duite !rows" Bless me, !earest all to-!a hasbelonge! to ou an! to-morrow, 4 know, waitsto become ours without the asking% just as

without the asking 4 too am ours" 4 wish itwere more $ossible for us to give service tothose we love" 4 am most gla! because 4 seeou so often% but 4 come an! go in our lifeem$t-han!e!, though 4 have so much to giveawa" Thoughts, the best 4 have, 4 give ou% 4cannot em$t m brain of them" 5ome !a

ou shall think well of me"--That is a vow, !earfrien!,--ou whom 4 love so muchK

;"

4 have not ha! to alter an thought everforme! about ou, Belove! 4 have onl ha! to!ee$en it--that is all" #ou grow, but ou

remain" 4 have hear! $eo$le talk about ou,generall kin!l but what the think of ou isoften wrong" 4 !o not sa anthing, but 4 amgla!, an! so sure that 4 know ou better" 4f mmin! is so clear about ou, it shows that ouare goo! for me" =ow for nearl three months4 ma not see ou again but all that time ou

will be growing in m heart an! at the en!without another wor! from ou 4 shall Fn!that 4 know ou better than before" 4s thatstrange 4t is because 4 love ou% love isknowle!ge--blin! knowle!ge, not wanting


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ees" 4 onl ho$e that 4 shall kee$ in ourmemor the kin! $lace ou have given me"#ou are almost m frien! now, an! 4 know it"

#ou !o not know that 4 love ou">"

Belove!% #ou love meK 4 know it now, an!bless the sun an! the moon an! the stars forthe !ear certaint of it" An! 4 ask ou now, 6heart that has o$ene! to me, have 4 once

been unha$$ or im$atient while this goo!thing has been withhel! from me 4n!ee! mlove for ou has occu$ie! me too com$letel%4 have been so gla! to Fn! how much there isto learn in a goo! heart !ee$l unconscious ofits own goo!ness" #ou have em$loe! me as 4wish 4 ma be em$loe! all the !as of m

life% an! now m belove! em$loer has givenme the wages 4 !i! not ask"

#ou love meK 4s it a Duestion of little or much4s it not rather an entire new thought of methat has entere! our life, as the thought ofou entere! mine months that seem ears

ago 4t was the see! then, an! seeme! smallbut the whole life was there an! it has grownan! grown till now it is 4 who have becomesmall, an! have har!l room in me for theroots% an! it seems to have gone so far u$


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over m hea! that 4 won!er if the stars knowof m ha$$iness"

The must know of ours too, then, mBelove!% the are no com$an for me withoutou" 6h, to-!a, to-!a of all !asK how in mheart 4 shall go on kissing it till 4 !ieK #ou loveme% that is won!erfulK #ou love me% an!alrea! it is not won!erful in the leastK butbelongs to =oah an! the ark an! all theanimals save! u$ for an earth washe! cleanan! !rie!, an! the new beginnings of timewhich have ever since been twisting an!turning with us in safe kee$ing through all thehistor of the worl!"

M?e came over at the =orman conDuest,M m!ear, as $eo$le sa trailing their $e!igree% but

there was no ancestral $ri!e about us--it wasall for the love of the thing we !i! it% howclear it seems nowK 4n the hall hangs a$ortrait in a big wig, but otherwise the imageof m father, of a man who Noute! theauthorit of ;ames 44" merel because he wasso like m father in character that he coul! !o

nothing else" 4 shall look for ou now in theBaeuI ta$estries with a $rong from ourhelmet !own the mi!!le of our face--ofwhich that line on our forehea! is theremain!er" An! ou love meK 4 won!er what


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the line has to !o with that

B such little things !o great things seem tocome about% not reall" 4 know it was notbecause 4 sai! just what 4 !i! sa, an! !i!what 4 !i! ester!a, that our heart wasboun! to come for mine" But it was thosesmall things that brought ou consciousness%an! when we $arte! 4 knew that 4 ha! all theworl! at m feet--or all heaven over m hea!K

Ah, at last 4 ma let the s$irit of a kiss go toou from me, an! not be ashame! or thinkmself forwar! since 4 have our love" All thistime ou are thinking of me% a certaint lingfar outsi!e what 4 can see"

Belove!, if great ha$$iness ma be set to an

wor!s, it is hereK 4f silence goes better withit,--s$eak, silence, for me when 4 en! nowK

Goo!-night, an! think greatl of meK 4 shallwake earl"

L"

earest% ?as m heart at all m own,--was itm own to give, till ou came an! ma!e meaware of how much it contains Trul, !ear, itcontaine! no

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