“The Middle School Student

and Beyond:

Success at DMS:

What is Middle School?

“The primary task of the middle school

years is to avoid embarrassment at all

costs.”

Dr. Mel Levine

Rick Lavoie

7 Essential Social Skills

7 Essential Social Skills

These are skills that are defined by students as positive

traits of people they would want as friends.

1. Smiling and Laughing

2. Greet others

3. Invite others to play, to be

involved

4. Conversation skills, with good

listening

5. Share things, share ideas,

share interests

6. Give compliments; make

THEM feel good

7. Good appearance; take care of

yourself

Rick Lavoie

“No Sweats”

The “No Sweats”

These are ways of showing your teacher you are here to learn.

Listen

Be on time

Make eye contact

Participate

Use teacher’s name

Request explanations instead of saying “I can’t”

Submit work on time

Use required formats

Avoid crossing out

Thank the teacher at the end of class.

A parent gives the gift of failure by thinking in the long-term rather than in the

short-term; by thinking less about checking off the imaginary box — “Was I a

good parent today?”— and thinking more about, “Was I a good parent this

year?”

We get so focused on making sure our kid is perfectly happy and perfectly worry-

free when they go into bed each night. Then we get to check off that little box.

Instead we need to start thinking more long-term than that.

Are we raising adults? Are we raising kids who are going to be able to go out into

the world and do amazing things as adults?

Also, we need to turn the corner and start, as a society, to value the process of

learning more than the visual evidence of learning. We put so much emphasis on

the product: on the grade, on the trophy, on the number, on the SAT score. And

then we lose sight (and therefore we teach our kids to lose sight) of the joy of the

process, whether it’s learning, or running, or playing a musical instrument.

So when a kid shows us their grade, we don’t get focused on the grade. Instead

we can ask things like, “What did you do to get there?” or “What did you do to get

ready for this test?” or “What might you do next time?” Those process-oriented

questions are what show kids that we actually value the learning.

Three things parents can do right away:

1. Stop saying "we" when you mean your kid. "We" aren't on the travel soccer team, "we" aren't doing the science project and "we" aren't applying to college. Our kid is. These are their efforts and achievements. We need to go get our own hobbies to brag about.

2. Stop arguing with all of the adults in our kids' lives. As Jess well knows, teachers are under siege from overinvolved parents insistent upon engineering the perfect outcomes for their kids. Principals, coaches and referees see the same thing. If there's an issue that needs to be raised with these folks, we do best for our kids in the long run if we've taught them how to raise concerns on their own.

3. Stop doing their homework. Teachers end up not knowing what their students actually know, it's highly unethical, and worst of all it teaches kids, "Hey kid, you're not actually capable of doing any of this on your own."

“The Gift of Failure” By Jennifer Lahey

In her book A Nation of Wimps, Hara Estroff Marano claims that “by a

whopping 40%, peer play is significantly more predictive of academic

success than standardized achievement tests”.

Trophies and awards for sports performance and participation may

undermine drive and heighten anxiety just as rewards for positive behaviors

are "intrinsic motivation killers" in academic and social contexts.

DHS West auditorium at 7:00 p.m. on April 3, 2017

The “Snowball” Method

oThe debt snowball, made popular by Dave Ramsey, is a

method that allows you to reduce debt by tackling the

small balances first. This is where the smaller balances

are paid off first, followed by the larger balances.

o “The math seems to lean more toward paying the

highest interest debts first, but what I have learned is that

personal finance is 20% head knowledge and 80%

behavior. You need some quick wins in order to stay

pumped enough to get out of debt completely. When you

start knocking off the easier debts, you will start to see

results and you will start to win in debt reduction.” (Dave

Ramsey)

Debt Snowball Example

Organize debt (or homework/long term

assignments) from smallest to largest.

Make minimum payments on all accounts -

except- the lowest payoff. After finishing the

shortest/easiest homework assignment, move

to the next largest one (completing at least the

minimum).

Direct all additional payment funds to the

lowest payoff amount until paid off. Start with

the shortest/easiest assignment.

“Small Things, Done Consistently, Create Major Impact”

David Allen in “Ready for Anything”

“Real change occurs not with a flash in the pan but with

steady engagement at some new level of interaction.

Your Overall To-Do List: “Your stuff impacts at the 20%

level. Nobody will even try to absorb and manage two

hundred percent of what they can do. But they will take on

enough to let them get 10% behind...if you can manage to

get 10% ahead, you’re transformed and on top of the

world.”

“It’s not about new skills or new behaviors. It’s about

instigating those behaviors on the front end instead of the

back and taking charge of the mundane aspects of life and

work as they show up.”

The Unwanted: “What’s tricky is that it takes an equally

small amount of consistent negative behaviors to create

significant unwanted consequences.”

Examples: habitual self-degrading self-talk

10% behind 10% aheadAll Caught Up

+ =

Two commitments in your head

create stress and failure.

David Allen in “Getting Things Done”

Allen, David (2004-12-28). Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Getting Things Done (Kindle Location 469).

Penguin Group. Kindle Edition.

You are subliminally aware of all your commitments, big and little,

personal and professional, and they are stored in “psychic RAM”

unless consciously and objectively tracked and reviewed. That part

of the psyche, though, has no sense of past or future, so as soon

as it is required to hold on to two incompletions, it creates inner

frustration and anxiety. A creative part of you is attempting to do

them both at once, which is impossible. But it doesn’t give up. It

keeps on trying and trying and trying. . . .

Spending time and energy on all the loose ends around you could

be considered a reactive approach. But is it really? You’ve let these

inputs into your world, physically and psychologically, and your

reaction to them (or lack of it) is directly affecting your energy and

ability to stay in command of all your psychic resources. Our

process (gently) forces you to react to them. What are they? What

is your commitment to them? What is the next action required to

fulfill that commitment? What do you need to think about and

organize in order to dispatch each item appropriately?

Learning to respond effectively and efficiently to everything that

has hooked your attention is masterful behavior.

File it.Delegate

it.

Park it. Do it.

A Cool “To Do List” App

A Cool Math App

Example Equation

VOCABULARY IS A KEY

“THE FRAYER MODEL”

The Frayer Model is a vocabulary development tool. In contrast with a

straight definition, the model helps to develop a better understanding of

complex concepts by having students identify not just what something is,

but what something is not. The center of the diagram shows the concept being defined, while the

quadrants around the concept are used for providing the details. Words that work well with the Frayer Model

include quadrilaterals, insects and democracies. We have included two variations of the model that we have

seen used in school settings.

References

Allen, David (2001), Getting Things Done

Dweck, Carol (2016), Mindset

Grolnick, Wendy (2008), Pressured Parents, Stressed Out Kids

Huffington Post, 2016, “The 12 Apps that Every Parent of a Teen Should Know About”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-12-apps-that-every-parent-of-a-teen-should-know-

about_us_56c34e49e4b0c3c55052a6ba

Lahey, Jessica (2015), The Gift of Failure

Lavoie, Rick (1994), “Last One Picked…First One Picked On”

www.ricklavoie.com

Liahona Academy, 2014, “What Your Teen is Doing On Social Media”

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0ahUKEwik_N

6E4OTPAhWFoD4KHS1-BpoQFggcMAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.liahonaacademy.com%2Fwhat-your-

teen-is-doing-on-social-media-the-parents-guide-2014-

info.html&usg=AFQjCNHkUnWiEuzJJrC2u5rqPosJCtkz8w&sig2=HBrpD65RatwF5YTnnS7ZoA&bvm=bv.135

974163,d.cWw

Lythcott-Haims, Julie (2015), How to Raise an Adult

TopTenReviews.com, 2016, “Cell Phone Parental Controls Software Review”

http://www.toptenreviews.com/software/privacy/best-cell-phone-parental-control-software/