Anxiety2.0:FosteringGrit

FSCPresenters: District34Panelists:RobinLake,LCSW KeeleyLawriw,AtteaSocialWorkerReneeZ.Dominguez,Ph.D. NoraFreyerer,AtteaPsychologist

RachelGrossman,SpringmanSocialWorker CarrieShonk,LyonSocialWorker

ü AnxietyReview

ü Definition,CognitiveTriangle,Physiologyü CulturalContextofAnxiety,Implications

ü Makingourlifesmalleranduncomfortableü CommittoWorkingAgainsttheCulturalContext

ü KnowYourself,KnowYourChildü StressResponseSystem,DecreasePhysiologicalReactionü Validationü Mindfulness/Intentionalityü GrowthMindsetü Grit

OVERVIEW

ParentingisTHEMOSTDifficultJobontheFaceofthePlanet

Anxietyisanemotioncharacterizedbyfeelingsoftension,worriedthoughts,andphysicalchangeslikeincreasedheartrate.EscapeandAvoidancearebehavioralhallmarksofanxiety.

ü Universal-EveryoneExperiencesAnxietyü FunctionalforSurvival

PhysiologyPlaysanImportantRole:FlippingYourLid(DanSeigel,MD)

It’sHardtoChangeFeelingsDirectly

ü InformationOverloadü ImmediateGratificationisthenormü Accessibletoothers24/7;FOMOü Comparisons

ü Difficultyreconcilingeditedimageswithhowtheylook&feel

ü PresentationPressureü AcademicPressureü Can’tescapemistakes

CulturalShift:It’sNotLikeWhenWeWereKids…

WeNeverHadtoDealwithThis…

ü TakingFewerRisksü FearofAwkwardness,Mistakes,Embarrassment

ü LessExplorationofNewThings,ShrinkingWorldü LowFrustration&LowDistressTolerance

ü DecreasedWillingnesstoPersistinChallengesü GivingUp

ü InadequateDevelopmentofAdaptiveCopingSkillsü Parentsalsostrugglewiththis-–wehavealowdistresstoleranceforourkids’distress

CulturalContext:EmotionalandBehavioralImplications

ü Wheredoesthisshowupinyourworld?

ü Howdoesthismakeyourworldsmaller?

HowareYouImpactedbyCulturalShift?

WhatisDrivingYourReaction?

ü “Babiescryeveryday…Youarenotfailingwhenyourbabycries.”(J.Miller,p.67)

ü Whathappensatyourhouseeveryday?

ü Planaheadtodealwithyourownemotions,concerns,thoughts.ü AnexcellentplacetodothatisourParentDiscussion

Groups!!!

You’reDoingGreat!

Practice

ü Reflectonyourcopingstrategies,yourowndistresstoleranceandwillingnesstopersistduringdifficultmoments.ü Whathelpsyou?ü Whatgetsinyourway?

ü Youknowyourchild—what’sworkinginyoureffortstohelpyourchild?

ü Beingthebestversionofyourselfpossibleü Activelyworkingagainstthewaysanxietyandtheself-consciousperfectionisticculturemakesyourlifesmallerandmorepainful

ü Curiosityaboutyourchild’severchangingworldü Joy,toadventure,toplayfulnessandhumoraroundtherealitiesofhumanexperience

Fromateen,“Youhavetovaluewhatyouranxietyisholdingyoubackfrommorethanyouvalueobeyingyouranxiety”“Saynotrightnowtoanxietyandseehowlongyoucanstaythere.”“Takethechoiceout”“don’ttrytocontrolyourthoughts,justdon’tactonthem.”

ConsciouslyCommitto…

ü KnowYourself;KnowYourChildü StressResponseSystem;TargetPhysiologyü Mindfulnessü Validationü GrowthMindsetü Grit

ToolstoSupportCommitment

ü NavySealstechniqueü Tacticalbreathingü PositiveAffirmationsü Chunkthefear(setsmallgoals)

ü Mentalrehearsal(prepareforchallenges)

ü Doinganythingyoucan’tdowhilebeingchasedbyabear(Forreview,seehand-outfromlastpresentation)

TargettheStressResponseSystem:DecreasePhysiology

ü Validatingisseeingthesituationfromyourchild’sperspectiveandacceptinghis/herfeelingsjustastheyare

ü Itdoesnotmeanyouagreewiththemü Itdoesnotmeanyouaregivingapprovalü Youdon’tevenneedtounderstandwhytheyfeelorinterpretthingstheywaytheydo

ü Validationandgenuinecuriositytounderstandyourchild’sexperiencecandecreaseyourchild’sphysiology,anditcanbolsteryourrelationship

Validate,Validate,ValidateEmotionalExperiences

1.  Validate.“Itsoundslikeyou’dliketostayhome,you’refeelingtired,andyouareworriedbecauseyoudon’thaveyourhomeworkdone.Itmakessensetomethatyoumightnotwanttogotoschool.Bummer.

2.  Behonest.And,goingschoolisnotoptional.It’soneofthosethingsthatyouhavetodo,eventhoughyoudon’tfeellikeit.It’sabummer.Iwonderwhatgotinthewaythistime?Wecanfigureouthowtopreparedifferentlynexttime.

“Mom,Idon’twanttogotoschool!I’mtiredandIdon’thavemyhomeworkdone.”

Compassionately(withoutjudgment)andpurposefullyattuningtothepresentmoment,internal,and

externalenvironments

Mindfulness

Cultivatingmindfulprinciplesisthekeytoexperiencingthementalhealthbenefitsofmindfulness

PracticesofMindfulness

ü Non-Judgmentü Acceptanceü Curiosityü Compassionü Impermanenceü Gratitudeü SympatheticJoy

PracticeMindfulnessPrinciples

“Inagrowthmindset,peoplebelievethattheirmostbasicabilitiescanbedevelopedthroughdedicationandhardwork—brainsandtalentarejustthestartingpoint.Thisviewcreatesaloveoflearningandaresiliencethatisessentialforgreataccomplishment.”*Failuresareviewedasopportunitiestolearn

GrowthMindset-CarolDweck,PhD

GrowthMindsetvs.FixedMindset

YET,YET,YET

https://www.google.com/search?q=growth+mindset&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwj09qqyi_3WAhWI5oMKHUbgDcQQ_A

UICigB&biw=1920&bih=780#imgrc=OFZbC54wpo1a4M:

ü First,knowyourself—Whenyouhaveagrowthmindset?Whendoyouhaveafixedmindset?Wherecanyouworktomakechanges?

ü Knowthescience—intelligenceisnotfixed,effortcountsmorethantalent,wecanlearn

ü Praiseeffort,interest,enjoyment,notoutcomeü Practicethelanguageofgrowthmindsetandpositiveself-talk

GrowthMindsetTools

ü Modelthegrowthmindsetü Talkaboutembracingchallenge,setbacks/failures,and

gettingbetteratthingsyouarelearningü Shareyourexperiencesofsettingandrisingtohigh

standards

GrowthMindsetTools

ü “Ourpotentialisonething.Whatwedowithitisquiteanother.”

ü Sustainedpassionandperseveranceforlong-termgoals.

ü Gritscale,http://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/

ü DeliberatePractice(makeitahabit)ü Clearlydefinedstretchgoalü  Fullconcentrationandeffortü  Immediateandinformativefeedbackü Repetitionwithreflectionandrefinement

Grit—AngelaDuckworth,PhD

ü Attachchallengetoaninterest/goalü Feelingcomfortableinyourskin,knowingyourvalueand

makingameaningfulcontributiontotheworldareawesomegoals

ü WiseParenting(supportiveanddemanding)ü Kaizen—continuousimprovement

GritTools

ü HardthingRuleü Somethingthatrequiresdailydeliberatepracticeü Youcanquit,butonlyata“natural”stoppingpointü Yougettochooseyourhardthing

ü Emotionfreemistakemaking

GritTools

ü  Childrenaregrowingupwithinaculturalcontextthatmakesthemvulnerabletoperfectionism,anxiety,lowdistresstolerance,andlowmotivationtodevelopadaptivecopingstrategies.

ü  Byproductsofthisincludeourchildrentakingfewerrisks,tryingfewerthingsout,givingupmoreeasily,andrelyingonmaladaptivecoping(e.g.,avoidance,escape,technology).

ü  Itisimportantforparentstointentionallycounterthat

culturalshifttosupporthealthydevelopmentintheirchildren.

KeyTakeAways

ü Asparents,itisimperativethatweunderstandourplaceinthisdevelopingculturalcontextandintentionallycommittobeingthebestversionofourselves.

ü Calmingthestressresponsesystemisanecessaryfirststepinaddressinganxiety.

ü Mindfulnessprinciplescansupportparentsandchildreninmanagingandtoleratinganxiety.

ü Validatingyourchild’sfeelingshelpstoregulatetheirphysiology,andalsobolstersyourrelationship.Itdoesnotmeanthatyouagreewiththemorthatyouaregivingapproval.

KeyTakeAways

ü GrowthMindsetcountersthecurrentculturalcontextbyfocusingonthebeliefthatbasicabilitiescanbedevelopedthroughdedicationandhardwork.

ü HavingaGrowthMindsetcandecreaseanxietybecauseperfectionismisoffthetable!

ü TherearewaystofosteraGrowthMindset

ü Focusmoreoneffortandlessonoutcomesandperformance;ü Praisetheprocessandencouragereflection,revision,and

trialanderrorinsteadofoutcome;ü Trynewthings,createopportunitiestofail;ü Modelagrowthmindset

KeyTakeAways

ü  GRITü  Youcangrowgritü  Effortmattersmorethantalentü  Usedeliberatepracticetostretchtowardsyour

goalü  Personalize—it’syourgoal,it’syourgrit,kickout

anyvoicesthatareunnecessary(T.Rooseveltquote)

KeyTakeAways

YouCanDoIt!