15325 E. Los Robles Ave. Hacienda Heights, CA 91745Volume XLVI, Issue XII April 1, 2013 Circulation 2200

SinceLosAltos’firstfoundingin1958,therehavebeenfewchangestothe mascot. Initially the “Conquerors”, LosAltos proceeded to change into“JoeConqueror”.ThoughLosAltoshadseeminglysettledfor“JoeConqueror”asitsmascot,therehasrecentlybeennewsofanimminentandunexpectedchange.As of next year,Los Altos’ mascot willbethe“BlueBears”. A s o ft h i s m o m e n t , there has been no clarificationfromASBastotherea-sonwhy, but thephotographic evidence of the changeis there.Thediscovery lieson the re-ceipts printed from the office.KayraArgabright,sophomore,wasamongtheveryfirsttonoticeaverykeypieceofinformation.Attheverybottomofthereceiptfor theAPexampaymentwasaboldlinethatclearlyread“GoBlueBears!” WiththerivalrybetweenLosAltos andWilson prominent in her

mind,Argabright excitedly says, “WeshouldbecometheBlueBearsbecauseConquerorsdon’tconquerWildcats,theyconquerland.Afightbetweenbearsandwildcatswouldbemuchmoreexciting,evenifthosebearsareblue.” Ontheotherhand,sophomorePatrickYoungremainsratherapathetic

towardthechageinmascot.“I’mindif-ferent,” he admits.“Idon’treallycarewhetherwechangeornot, since I likebearsanyway.” Others dis-agreedwiththede-cisionregardingthe

newmascot.DuyenCao,senior,remarks,“Ithinkit’sweirdbecausewehaveal-waysbeensomesortofconqueror.TonowbeaBlueBearisalittlerandom.” SavannahGutierriez, sopho-more,was in shockwhen she caughtwordofthechange.“BlueBears?Whatis thatsupposedtobe?Abear thatatetoomanyblueberries?Thatsoundsre-ally funny. Idon’twantourmascot tochange.”

Teachingforalmostfortyyears,EnglishteacherWilliamRockwoodhasfinally announcedhis plans for retire-ment.“IhavedecidedthatIwillteachonemoreyearofEnglishandretireintheyear2014,”announcedRockwood. Rockwoodhas been teachingEnglish2Honorsforover20years.“Mr.Rockwood is a reallygood teacher. I’m gladthatIhadhimasateacherbefore he retired,” saysCrystal Rivas, sopho-more.Hearingaboutthisannouncement,freshmenstudents fret about thefuture of the English2 Honors program asRockwood teaches fourof the six classes thisyear.“IhopethatthenextEnglish2HonorsteacherwillbejustasgreatasMr.Rockwood,”saysMelissaMartinez,freshman. Rockwood isalso theadvisorfor journalism. Since the classmeets

By Cheryl ChingCartoonist

duringzeroperiod,CheliMcReynolds,principal,will take over the programuntil she finds a replacement teacherwillingtotakeoverandworksoearlyintheday. AsforEnglish2Honors,Jen-niferKostun,English,willbetakingoverthewholecurriculum.“I’mnotworriedabouttakingoverthiscurriculum.I’ve

already been teaching a fewEnglishtwoclasses,”saysKo-stun.The number of studentsabletotaketheclasswilldras-tically decrease asKostun isteachingbothAPEnglish andEnglish2Honors. Incomingsophomoresmust signup for theseclassesassoonaspossibleinordertoensure a spot on next year’sclassroster.Therewillonlybeanestimated90availablespots

for the 2013-2014English 2Honorsclasses. RockwoodhasleftareallegacyforhimselfatLosAltosasbothanalum-nusandateacher.Hewilltrulybemissed

By Melissa ChenEditor-in-Chief

By Kimberly WongSplash Editor

Rockwood Retires

TSA: Los Altos

With the recent lockdownand supposed gun threat, LosAltosHighSchool administration is takingmeasures to prevent such situations including the implementation of anewruleregardingbackpacks.Allstu-dentsmustuseclearplasticbackpacksorhandbagsinorder toensure the safetyof the school. The newregulations prohibit theconcealment of backpackcontents including usingpaper to cover the interior orexteriorofthebag.Also,securityguardsnowhavethe authority to search andremovebelongingsinbackpacks. Many students are frustratedbythisnewrule,sayingthattherenowexistsalackofprivacy.JuniorAshleyHocomments, “Ourbackpacksaren’treally our personal space anymore. I don’t feel comfortable knowing thateveryonecanseeeverythingI’mcarry-ing.” Othersseetheneedbehindthisrule,butareconvincedthattheimple-mentationsignifiedtheschooljumping

to conclusions. Junior Sara Siwieckiremarks,“Igetthattheschoolisafraidofhavinganothersituationlikethe6-hourlockdownwe endured in January, butforcing students to have see-throughbagsisreallyoverdoingit.Iwishtheyaskedstudentsandourfeelingsbefore

setting in stonewith suchanextrememeasure.” Some are even frus-trated enough to considerleaving LosAltos to at-tendWilsonHighSchool,a school that has not imple-mented suchmeasures forsafety.AshleyTang,junior,lives inRowlandHeightsand chooses to go toLosAltos, but that may soon change. “When the school

doesthesekindsofthingswithoutask-ing for the opinion of any students, Iget upset. Student opinions should betakenintoconsiderationbeforeamajorbacklashbeginstoappear.” Thoughmany are upsetwiththechange,theyarealsoawareofwhyitcametopass.Theclearbackpackrulewill stay in effect until further notice.Clear backpacks canbepurchased for$26attheASBoffice.

By Irene TsaoConqueror Page Editor

New Mascot: Blue Bears

For months and months, theoldswimmingpoolhaswaitedpatientlyinretirementforitsfatetobedecided.Atfirst itwas supposed tobefilled inwith cement to be an extension to thequad to give students more space tolounge.However,administrationwant-ed to drain the pool and let studentsskateboardinitafterschool.Neverthe-less,thefinaldecisionhasbeenmadetorenovatethepoolbymakingitintoagi-ant hot tub. As expected,many students areelated with the news.“It is definitely a greatidea!Notonlywill thehot tub give studentsaplace to relax after aweary school daywiththeirfriends,butitwillalso benefit the healthof all LosAltosHigh School studentsand staff,” said Leon Liang, senior.Somethinkthisistoogoodtobetrue.“What the heck… a hot tub?Are youbeingseriousrightnow?Ithinkit’llbesuperawesomebecausetheseniorsnextyear can rest in it,” saidAlisa Sman-pongse, junior. Some students are ex-cited for reasonsunrelated to relaxing.

“Therewere only two ducks living inthepoollastyear.Ihopethehottubwillbringusmoreducks,”saidRobinGao,senior.“I’mnotsurewhatpurposethehot tubwouldserveexceptmakingusthe coolest school ever,” said TiffanyChang,junior. However, some students arenotsoexcited.“Whatwouldahot tubdo for our school?What benefit doesit have for us?None! It sounds like aridiculous idea,” exclaimed VivianaValle, junior. That’s a really big hot

tub… that justseems a bit grossand unsanitary,”complained Ash-leyTang,junior. V i c t o r Zhang, senior,had a few wordsto say about the pool renovation. “No, Iwould not

useitbecausetherearecurrentlytwelvepianos in the tower. That is just toomany.Ibelievethisworldmustutilizemorebreadforfeedingpigeons.Ihavea question to all you Conquerors out there,‘Yesorno?’” Constructionisprojectedtobefinished just in time for thewinter of2014.

The Conqueror April 1, 2013News

Have you ever had your phoneconfiscated for using it during class? Ad-ministration has implemented a new rulethat will make sure that neverhappens again as they havedecided to ban cell phoneson campus.

Since smart phoneshave become popular, theyhave quickly become thebane of teachers everywhere.Students texting in class,playing games in class, andeven making calls in class allare distracting from the learn-ing process. That is whythere will be no more cellphones on campus. Any cell phone seenduring school, whether it is being usedor not, will be confiscated and donatedto people who are in need through theSalvation Army.

“I think this new rule is great,”says Leanne Luong, senior. “There arepeople in America who are dying fromthe lack of entertainment, and the factthat the school is donating electronicsto them is great. I plan on bringing two

No More CellPhones!?

By Simon WongConqueror Staff Writer

cell phones to school each day to con-tribute to this philanthropic gesture.”

Although some students be-lieve that this new rule is great, others,

not surprisingly, believe thisrule to be unreasonable.“This new rule is just a tad bitoutrageous. And when I say atad bit, I mean a whole lot,”rants Kevin Yu, junior. “Howcan administration ban cellphones? How will students calltheir parents after school to pickthem up? How will students en-tertain themselves when thereis a substitute teacher? I thinkthe school needs to rethink thiswhole banning cell phone situ-

ation because their solution right nowisn’t a solution at all.”

While there are students wholove this new rule and students who hateit, there are also students that are unaf-fected by it. “I don’t really mind havingto keep my cell phone at home,” admitsEva Tseng, sophomore. “I don’t havemany friends who want to contact meanyway so I usually have my phone inmy bag until I need it to call my mom.”

Last year many LCD projectorswere stolen around campus. Because ofthis, security measures were increasedwith the addition of new surveillance cam-eras at strategic places. On Wednesday,March 13, the thief of the stolen projec-tors was apparently found. Many LosAltos students were curious to see whothis person was. It turns out that the cul-prit was none other than Deirdre Mann,math teacher. “I never would havethought Mrs. Mann would do such a

thing!” exclaimed sophomore KevinWang.

What will happen to Mann?The pre-calculus and AP Calculus BCteacher was apparently seen rushing tothe office after class. “I tried asking hera question, but she wouldn’t even lookat me. She seemed anxious and in arush,” explained Airi Fukushima, sopho-more. Rumors going around indicate thatMann may be leaving Los Altos.

After the discovery of Mann’scrime, some students said they saw herpacking. “I wasn’t sure what she was

doing, so I asked her. Mrs. Mann saidshe was cleaning out old textbooks andpackets,” said senior Ivan Wang. Whywould she be cleaning and packing heritems so early in the year?

The future for Mann is still un-sure. However, the possibility of gettingfired is high. Many students are sad overthe prospect of her leaving, but they areeven more shocked at her actions. “ Idon’t understand why she stole the pro-jectors. She has no use for them,” saidJordan Yen, sophomore. Hopefully thisproblem will be resolved soon.

Mann Fired!?By Valeria WangConqueror Staff Writer

Ever since Jamba Juice startedselling at Los Altos, it has been very suc-cessful. Starting in April there will be asurvey every month about new snacksand drinks to be provided for the follow-ing month. Students can suggest newitems and the top 15 will be included onthe next month’s survey. The surveygives students 5 options for both snacksand drinks and the rest of will be decidedby the school.

The school already conducteda small survey and decided to try sellingboba milk tea and boba green tea for $2during nutrition and lunch. New snackswill depend on how students react to thischange. “I really like the idea that we areable to choose our own drinks andsnacks. I am tired of the same snacks!”said David Hwang, junior.

This year, students are able tochoose food that does not meet the calo-rie standards. Starting next year, it will bechosen from a list that has been ap-proved to be within the healthy range ofcalories. However, students can still makesuggestion every time they vote. “I thinkit’s smart that the school is letting thestudents choose their own food. Notonly does it attract students to attendLos Altos High School, but also it en-courages students to eat,” said EmilyLin, sophomore.

English not aRequirement

NewDrinksand

SnackSBy Lilian HwangConqueror Staff Writer

Math...is it no longer real? Asubject taught at all school levels hasbeen proven to be false! So how is thisgoing to affect us?

“Wow, I just wasted so much ofmy life learning false information,” saysVictoria Mezack, sophomore. “It’s toobad that people have wasted their timelearning it.” And it’s true! Math is taughtto all grade levels in mandatory school-ing. Years of our lives have been wastedwith such nonsense...years we’ll nevergain back.

Kayra Argabright, sophomore,vehemently agrees, saying, “I can nevergain that time back. I’ve spent years learn-ing math, from basic numbers to the in-troduction of the alphabet. Math is some-thing so complicated that it requires thealphabet of more than one language.Come on! There’s the Pythagorean Theo-rem and everything! I thought it was use-less and guess what? Now it is.”

“Man, couldn’t they have fig-ured this out earlier?” asks AlondraJuerez, senior. “It would have saved me alot of time, stress, and the money spenton the calculators I broke.” Not only that,but math is also taught throughout col-lege and many people go into careers in-volving math. People’s careers have been

rendered useless now that the basis ofjobs involving math have been debunked.

“Well then, I just wasted howmany years with this? I don’t know whatI’m going to do now,” says math teacherMallory Monasterio. “I just want to cryin a corner. I’ve spent years doing mathin high school, college, and now I’m amath teacher.” Not only does she demandproof that math is indeed false, butMonasterio is adamant in the continuedteaching of math. She believes that mathis not false and that whoever says so islying.

With math now being false,many people’s dreams are going downthe drain. So many careers are dependenton math being a real thing, not the leastof which is engineering. Calvin Hsieh,sophomore, who had dreamed of goinginto engineering, says, “You don’t justtell someone who wants to be an engi-neer that math isn’t real! What?! Whatdo I do now? You know what? Forgetthis. Math is real.”

What happens now? Math,something that has always been a promi-nent subject in our lives, is now worth-less. The information is now stuck in ourheads, and for what? Formulas, postu-lates, and theorems memorized all nowuseless. What do we do now?

On March 15 several teachersmet in order to discuss the future of En-glish classes at Los Altos. As a result,the decision has been made that start-ing next year English will be an elective.Just like that, the four years of Englishthat every student has to take meansnothing. The reason behind this drasticchange is still uncertain. Some think thatEnglish is not required in the real worldand will not prepare students for college.They say that most people will be doc-tors and engineers later in life where En-glish is not a key to their success. FutureEnglish teachers and journalists can stilltake English classes as electives.

By John AndraosConqueror Staff Writer

Others believe that everythingthere is to know about English is learnedin middle school and high school En-glish is nothing more than refinements.Students claim that they haven’t learnedanything in the “most important” sub-ject at all during their four years. Thereare no more grammar lessons and read-ing comprehension is not very impor-tant in life. But what will happen to theEnglish classes that have already been

Math not aRequirement

By Bonnie LuuConqueror Staff Writer

Eva Tseng, sophomore

taken? The classes will most likely justbe counted as electives. Since electivescannot count as AP classes, they will re-turn to regular classes. That means all ofthe hard work put into AP English willlook the same as, for example, drama.

There is no added GPA bonusand even if a student receives a 5 on theAP test, it will not count in college. Atleast students do not got to take Englishanymore.

Teacher Accused of Robbery

FeaturesThe Conqueror April 1, 2013 3

With a passing period ofseven minutes, studentshave more than enough timeto leisurely stroll to class,but that is about to changeas the school is changing itspolicy to a passing period of1 minute.

The time betweenclasses is being shortenedso that it prompts studentsto go to class early. AshleyHo, junior, says, “I think it isa good ideas. I feel that sinceseven minutes is a longamount of time, many students thinkthey have more time than they actuallydo, so they might loiter or walk friends toclass, and, unsurprisingly, they end uplate to class.” Therefore, the faculty alsohopes that the shortenedtime will prompt studentsto prioritize punctuality, be-cause Los Altos has alsobeen dealing with a largenumber of students show-ing up late to school. To ef-fectively implement thenew procedure, tardysweeps will also be held be-fore every class period.

Shortened pass-ing periods also allow more time in class.Jamie Chang, junior, shares, “It may justbe a few minutes, but that can be a sig-nificant difference in helping studentslearn. After all, people might start show-ing up to class early.”

By Hailey LeeConqueror Page Editor

However, students that aresomewhat late to class will begin sprint-ing to attempt to reach their classroomson time, which is a dangerous and riskypractice that can lead to serious injury.

The school will thusprohibit running toclass as well. AureliaMora, junior, says,“While attendingclass on time is impor-tant, safety is also ofequal importance, soit is good to try toavoid running. In-stead, students canpractice their power

walks, which is a beneficial exercise.”Such policies are going to be

implemented in the next school year, soit is recommended that students start im-proving their punctuality as soon as pos-sible.

S i n g i n g ,singing everywhere.This is basically whatmakes up the movie“Les Miserables.”Many have come tolove this movie, buthate it too. This 2+hour long movie tellsthe story of a manwho leaves prisonand chooses to helpa little girl whosemother died trying toget back to her. Manypeople don’t knowthe actors who playthese charac-ters, but Los Al-tos HighSchool is proudto say that wehave some ofour very ownstudents play-ing parts in thisfilm!

Manymay know himas PatrickYoung, PatrickStar, andfatty2patty, butin the movie making world, he is knownas Jean Valjean. That’s right, he landedhimself in the lead role of “LesMiserables” along with his good friend

A f t e rbeing a formerstudent andgraduate of LosAltos HighSchool, JohnSmith went on tobe a producer offilm documenta-ries. Smith fo-cused on soci-ety and decidedto work withschools to fur-ther learn howthere have beenseveral changes over the years.

Since he graduated from LosAltos High School, he wished to returnand document stu-dent life in thepresent and compareit to his high schoolyears. Smith an-nounced that he willvisit the campus to-ward the end of Apriland record what stu-dents believe shouldbe found in a docu-mentary.

Junior Jennifer Nava says, “Ithink this idea is really cool and it seemslike something fun for a student to doafter graduating. John Smith should fo-cus on student life and on the classesthey offer at Los Altos.”

S t a n d i n galongside Nava issenior Emily Ruelaswho says, “I thinkthis is a good ideabecause the docu-mentary can showhow good ourschool is in sportsand academics. Alot of students willenjoy the docu-mentary becausethey will be able toparticipate in some-thing that shows

what kind of school Los Altos is.”Taking the opposing view is

senior Jonathan Horsfall,who is notthrilled by the news.Horsfall shares, “I thinkthis idea is a bad idea.There are so many otherschools that are wellknown and are a lotmore popular than ourschool. I don’t thinkstudents at our schoolwould be excited to be apart of a documentary

because there are too many shy studentsat Los Altos. For this reason, the docu-mentary should be made at anotherschool.”

As proud students of Los Al-tos High School, do not be afraid toshow school spirit and be yourself.

E v e r yConqueror knowsthat there is a se-nior project everyyear, but startingthe 2013-2014school year, seniorproject will be nolonger enforced forseniors but rather the plague of the fresh-men.

It has been said that freshmanyear is the transition year into highschool, and whatbetter way will atransition be otherthan a big project tohelp the freshmenfocus. “By switch-ing this project,each freshman willbe assigned an up-perclassmen,” sources report, “and theywill also have an advisor to help themthrough this process.”

It has been rumored that the up-perclassmen will be expected to help theirfreshmen through the process. It is alsoexpected that through this project therewill be more unity among the differentclasses, especially with seniors gettingto know the new freshmen.

This project was started to en-sure that everyone graduates on time.According to an anonymous source, if astudent fails to turn in his or her projecttheir freshman year, they will have a

chance to resubmit it every year untiltheir advisor and current English teacherfind it satisfactory. This will ultimatelygive each student a chance to graduate

and feel more confident.The main decision for

this change, according tosources, was for thesenior’s benefit. Senioryear is rumored to be theeasiest year of everyone’shigh school career when infact it can be the most

stressful. Senior year is the year wheneveryone plans his or her future. It is theyear when someone finds out whetheror not they are going to college and theyhave to ultimately worry about AP testsas well as other things that are requiredfor moving on in life.

By changing the senior projectinto a freshmen project with a seniormentor, the seniors are still being ex-posed to the project but they do not havethe stress from the project first hand.They are just a mere guide, helping thefreshmen grow and develop in the highschool world.

John Smith, Class of 1984

Role of Jean Valjean landedby Patrick Young

By Nancy GomezConqueror Page Editor

Jamie Chang. “Iknow I was meantfor this movie. Itsums up my wholelife in 3 hours, sinceI too was in prison.I came out to seethis beautiful ladystruggling so much.Cold and shivering,I knew I had to helpher! Her name isJamie Chang. AfterI met her, I finally re-alized my purposein life was to loveand help others.

This is actuallythe exactstoryline fromthe movie too,”e x c l a i m e dYoung, sopho-more.

“ W h e nPatrick got thepart in the play, Iwas beyond

thrilled! He even recommended me to thedirectors saying I was his inspiration.Working alongside my best friend is go-ing to be amazing,” said Chang, junior.“I’m so proud of them both for making itinto the movie! Although I really wantedthe part, it’s okay because seeing themthis happy makes me happy too,” saidSarah Regan, sophomore.

By Connie PungConqueror Page Editor

By Corissa BurdetteConqueror Page Editor

Documentary

Freshman ProjectAdded

By Nathalie GomezConqueror Staff Writer_____________________

upset some people.” This is a good point because now students will only be able to advance their credits through zero and seventh period classes. Not all students agree with that notion. Freshman Silvia Torrico expresses, “I think it is a good idea to have no more summer school because it will give students and teachers time to relax.” Torrico realizes that some students will be upset due to the cuts in summer advancement classes. To this she simply replies, “As for the kids who want to advance, well, too bad for them.”   Indeed, this is a sad truth that many students will have to come to accept. Students district-wide will have to have more classes during the year because they will no longer have the opportunitiy to advance. It is upsetting news for students who hoped to get ahead in their cred-its, but students will have to learn to cope with the circumstances.

Starting in the summer of 2014, the Hacienda La Puente Unified School District has announced that they will be cancelling advancement classes for students in summer school. Students will no longer be able to take classes to advance in their credits due to budget cuts made to schools. The only summer school classes that will be offered are for students who need to make up classes. The news of the cancellation of these classes has upset many students because they will no longer be able to advance in their credits. Junior David Hwang shares his opinion, “I think that this is a horrible idea because some people might want to get a move on with their credits in school, and no summer school would deny them the opportunity to do so.” Junior Andrea Moreno agrees, “Well , I guess it’s bad because people cannot get ahead.  Students will have to take more classes than they want and this might

The Conqueror April 1,2013

No More Summer School Advancement!

Jennifer Kostun...OCTOMOM?

English 2 Honors and Advanced Placement English teacher Jennifer Kostun has not only discovered the gender of her babies, but also the number of babies! “I was so excited when I found out that Mrs.Kostun was pregnant, I knew that she would be a great mother! I knew that she was going to have a girl, but when I found out how many babies she was going to have, I was in shock!” exclaimed Judy Chen, sophomore. So why is everybody so surprised? Kostun is having a total of eight babies! “Mrs. Kostun showed us the pictures from her latest ultrasound and I counted eight little babies in her stomach. I can’t believe she is going to have so many babies. I hope she gets her own television

show,” said Tanner Owen, junior. Kostun’s due date is coming up in June, but her stomach’s size is growing exponentially. “Her belly is getting really big. She announced to us that she was pregnant about two months

after she conceived. Back then, she was barely showing. Now her stomach is getting huge,” said Yvonne Quach, junior. “I knew that she was going to have a lot of babies. She is a great person and will be an amazing

mom. No wonder she is going to have so many babies! It’s destiny!” shouted Mike Shaw, social studies. Now students are not only looking forward to one baby but eight babies. Kostun still has a couple of months to go, but everybody is ready for her eight babies to pop out now.

You’ve just been fooled! Happy April Fools!

By Wendy ShihConqueror Staff Writer_____________________

Features

FeaturesThe Conqueror September 5, 2012

On March 27 a crazy food fightbroke out during lunch next to the lunchlines. No one was hurt, but it left a verybig mess for the custodians to clean up.Many students involved were subse-quently sent to the office for participat-ing in the fight and for their conduct onschool grounds. No word of their pun-ishment has been given until now.

This food fight happened in thesmall yard right next to the lunch build-ing. One witness was Brandon Huang,sophomore. Huang described the scenewith thorough detail. “It was reallycrazy,” said Huang. “It happened all ofsudden. I saw somebody throw milk atanother person and then all of a suddenfood was flying everywhere. Pizza, sal-ads, and more milk flew everywhere.There was food flying and splatteringon the floor and on people, too.” Huangwas not given any punishment for thisbrawl despite being a witnesst to theevent. Another witness to this wild scenewas Ronnie Chanes, sophomore, who,like Huang, was also an eyewitness to

Do you want to prank someoneand not feel so guilty? April Fools’ Dayis the time to let one’s true nature comealive. The first day of April is filled withpractical jokes, humor, and lighthearted-ness. Thus, it is the perfect day to pullinsane pranks that the “victim” will re-member for a lifetime. Many studentswant to take their prankish spirit to theextreme.

A nasty prank can be a foodprank. “I would give someone soup withhabanero, sugar, cinnamon, orange juice,walnut crunches, chocolate, and choco-late syrup,” said Jamie Chang, junior.When there is “savory” food, there canalways be time for “dessert”. “For AprilFools, I would scrape off the cream fill-ing from the Oreos and replace it with

Q: Why did the blonde get fired fromher job at the M&M factory?A: Because she threw away all the“W&W’s”

Q: What did one computer say to theother?A: 0101011010101010110

Q:What do you call a blind dinosaur?A: Do-you-think-he-saur-us

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?A: To put out fires.

Q: Why do elephants have flat feet?A: To put out burning ducks.

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?A: A bulldozer

Q: What do you call a nun who justpassed her bar exam?A: A sister-in-law.

Q: Why is the math book always upset?A: Because the book has a lot of prob-lems

Q: Why did the forgetful chicken crossthe road?A: To get to the other side – er, no – togo shopping – no, not that either – dangit.

By Timothy KwongConqueror Staff Writer

By Jennifer LewConqueror Staff Writer

By Ariel ChangEditor-in-Chief

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates.St. Peter looks him up in the Big Bookand tells him to pick up a gold staff and asilk robe and proceed into Heaven. Nextin line is a preacher. St. Peter looks himup in the Big Book, furrows his brow andsays, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but takethat cloth robe and wooden staff.” Thepreacher is shocked and replies, “But Iam a man of the cloth. You gave that cabdriver a gold staff and a silk robe. SurelyI rate higher than a cabbie!” St. Peter re-sponded matter-of-factly, “This isHeaven, and up here, we are interestedin results. When you preached, peopleslept. When the cabbie drove his taxi,people prayed.”

Last semester I took macroeconomics anddidn’t have a clue what I was doing.There were 80 multiple choice questions.For some reason I decided to play thegame of probability and choose the let-ter “A” for everything. The following daythe teacher asked to see me after class.“Is everything okay?” “Sure,” I said,“why?” “Well, here’s your test,” he saidand handed me a piece of paper that wascovered with red ink. “Can you explainwhy you chose an “A” for everything?”Knowing that there was nothing I coulddo at this point, I said, “Well, I’ve al-ways wanted to be an “A” student.”

white toothpaste. I would give it to mysister or brother,” said Jessica Chang,freshman

Other than a food prank, thereare many other evil and unique pranks topull. “I would probably take their bedoutside while they were asleep and putthem on the ground with a box on top ofthem so when they wake up they thinkthey are buried alive,” said Cesar Garcia,senior.

Take full advantage of the vari-ous number of pranks that can be donewithout guilt on April Fools’ Day. Be cre-ative, have fun, and laugh hysterically.Whether the “victim” is awake or sleep-ing, remember to prank him or her any-way. Be the best trickster and make sureto fool others before they fool you!

the fight. “It was crazy!” exclaimedChanes. “I didn’t know what was goingon. Food was flying everywhere and allmy friends were yelling. I didn’t knowhow to respond to this so I just ran andwatched from a distance.”

One question that is beingasked is, “Who were the instigators ofthis fight?” After interviews by adminis-tration, it was concluded that sopho-mores Alan Lu and Sean Hu were themasterminds behind the fight. Hu did notwant to be interviewed for this article, sothere can be no account as to what Hureally believed, but Lu described whathe says happened between them. “Thisfight started because Sean got mad atme because I beat him in a game,” de-scribed Lu. “I guess his anger promptedhim to throw a milk carton at me, but luck-ily he missed. This started a fight witheveryone around us, and the next thing Iknew, food was flying everywhere. Iguess the faculty thinks it’s my fault be-cause I was the one who caused Sean tothrow food in the first place.”

While Los Altos High Schoolhas altered its school schedule in orderto finish the first semester before winterbreak, something has gone terriblywrong. Due to the change in the neces-sary school hours students must attend,Los Altos will now extend its schooldays by two hours. From Tuesdaythrough Friday, school will start at 6:45A.M. and end at 3:52 P.M. The original20 minutes from ISI will be a mandatoryclass time during the entire school year.There will, however, be a 15 minute breakbetween the first two classes while lunchwill only last 20 minutes.

As for late start Mondays,school will begin at 7:45 A.M. but end at4:52 P.M. On Mondays, students will at-tend all classes and receive the same 20minute lunch. “Having school end at 4:52is so stupid,” said senior Abraham Wu.“What happens to the students thathave sports or want to get jobs?”

Another change for the schoolschedule is the 30 minute addition to thezero period classes. In accordance withthe required school attendance for eachstudent, zero period will also take place

on a Monday starting at 7:00 A.M andstart at 5:00 A.M from Tuesday throughFriday. “I’m actually looking forward tozero period P.E now,” said senior NathanShon. “I love exercising in the morningand the cold air will definitely wake meup.”

While many students may beunable to attend school at such hours,any student missing more than 2 hoursof class instruction, regardless of thesubject, will have to attend mandatorySaturday school. This newly imple-mented Saturday school will begin at 7:00A.M and end at 4:00 P.M. In order todecrease the number of tardies, Satur-day school will also be mandatory forstudents who are tardy more than twicea month.

Lastly, athletes will practice af-ter school and on their own time. Sinceother schools will not be changing theirschool schedule, games will still be heldstarting at 3:00 P.M. Junior TiffanyChang said, “Sports require practice.With these longer class periods andshorter practice times, how are we sup-posed to win at anything?”

By Ariel ChangEditor-in-Chief

Food Fight

Prank Time