Diwan Baladna"Arab culture from an Arab perspective"

Ahmad Azaban

Copyright Ahmad Azaban 2010

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Haitham Hajjajmailto:h.hajjaj@mahjoob.com

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Ahmad Kamal Azban has lived in Amman all his life. He has been teaching Arabiclanguage and culture to foreigners for many years. He has created his own languageprogram from assembling the best portions of all the major language programs in Jordan.He is currently working on a second Book, which supplements this book by helping thelearner get started with basic spoken Arabic and common sayings.mailto:ahmadazaban@yahoo.com

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This book is dedicated to my Mom, who has been a wonderful teacher to me.

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Table of Contents

1. Acknowledgements2. Introduction3. Gestures4. Methods & Rules for Greetings5. The Art of Complimenting6. Curiosity, the Speed of Rumors & the Importance of Reputation7. Arabs & Hospitality8. Envy Evil eye9. Pigeons in Jordan10. Reading the Cup11. Demons, Fiends, & Devils12. Islamic Holidays13. Marriages & Weddings in Jordan14. Courtship & Marriages in Villages15. Henna16. Births in an Arab Home17. Condolences18. Tawjihi19. Mustaches & Barbers20. General Information

21. References

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Acknowledgements

This work is the product of many years and hours of painstaking study. Most of thisinformation has limited sources and books on these subjects are sparse, thin or spreadout. It was my goal to put in a readable format the idiosyncrasies of living in the MiddleEast. Many people helped edit and re-edit this work. Undertaking this effort would havebeen impossible if it werent for God and many friends who helped along the way. First, and foremost, I would like to thank God who has given me the strength and abilityto complete this book. Second, I would like express my love and my thanks to my mom Hiyam Duais Abu-Sharkh and my siblings Ala, Asmaa , Gassan, Omar, and Mohammed . For theirunderstanding, support, and help during every step of the process made this bookpossible. They shared in my dream to create understanding between cultures. And of course, all the words in the world cannot express my feelings of gratefulness andrespect toward Tom Holtz, Todd Marks, Chad and his wife Beth, and my best friend TonyAnqoud for their gentle support and encouragement. Without them this book may neverhave been completed. I consider these people to be coauthors with me in this endeavoras they helped in every step.It was from conversations with these friends and others thatthe idea for this book came about. Special thanks to the following people for final editing:Mr. BillMr. Robert Aitken www.seenwriting.com Robert Schmidt Also, special thanks for editing and reading: Matthew HamiltonGevara AlhashamHaya Atef Abu-Sharkh Social sciencesJohn King Ben Reece Debra Reece SaraKathea Dwanea Dunia Alloush Jiff Simens Daniel Robards Lora Robards GearyWess BlackJohn KilpacSamar Translation Office www.samartranslation.comSusie HoltzDaniel Teekel

Daneas and his son JadFridrik E. Tiedemann, Jr. I would also like to extend special thanks to the following people: Maen Atef Abu-SharkhMhmmad Aladam Omar Abu-Sharkh Ishmael Albragwe Ayhad Shalbaea Amear AltameraAhmad Awdat Aymn Abu sharkHanan Duais Abu-SharkhMaath AwdatYour encouragement kept me moving forward when times were tough.

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Introduction

An old Arab man had been living in a large city in the United States for many years. One day, the old man decided that he would love to plant potatoes and herbs in hisgarden. Since he was old and weak, he decided to enlist the help of his son. The mansson lived far from the city, so he sent him an email explaining his predicament: Beloved son Ahmad,I am very sad because I want to plant potatoes and herbs in my garden, but because Iam old I cant do it alone. I am sure that, if you were here, you could help me dig thegarden. I hope that you come here to help your dad. I love you,Your Father The next day the old man received an email from his son: Beloved father,I want to apologize that I cant leave my work and busy life here in the city to come helpyou. Life here is not like back home where I could leave work easily. Even so, I promiseto help you as best I can from here.Your son, Ahmad The same day the son sent another email to his father: Dad please dont touch the garden. That is where I have hidden the THING. I love you,too.Your son,Ahmad

Later that day Homeland Security showed up at the old mans house to search thegarden. They went through the whole garden digging everything up looking for anythingincriminating. Finally, finding nothing, they gave up searching. Disappointed, they left thehouse. The next day, the old man received another e-mail from his son: Beloved father, I hope the garden is dug up by now so you can plant your potatoes. Thatis all I could do for you from here.Your loving son, Ahmad This humorous story highlights an unfortunate reality: often East and West hold falseassumptions about each other because they dont interact enough to really understandeach other. For example, we notice that T.V., radio broadcasts, internet, and newspaper headlinesare the primary sources of information about other cultures that are available to mostpeople. Many people build their impressions and general concept about the nature of aforeign society from these media outlets. Unfortunately, the producers goal is to deliverthe most basic news information in an entertaining way, or at least a way that grabs themost attention. This usually ends up presenting a caricature or highly unbalanced view ofthe foreign culture and the values of the people. This is especially true for representations of Arab people to countries in other parts of theworld. Broadcasts about Arabs often cover the perspective and activities of a smallminority of Islamic and Arab people groups. Outside the Middle East, Arab culture is oftenunderstood according to what news pundits say or what makes the most sensational T.V.images. The distortion that results leads to false assumptions about Arabs; and Arabs findthis very frustrating. Few people would dispute the fact that the best way to know apeople group is to learn about their history and to live with them for an extended periodof time. Diwan Baladna It is the goal of this book to give you access into the Arabs diwan. Diwan means,essentially, a meeting place, but it is an old word with many applications and shades ofmeaning. Traditionally, it was a place the village elders would gather to record thehistories and customs of the people in their area. Another meaning is more personal andsacred. The diwan can refer to a large room where men from Jordanian families sit todiscuss very personal and important aspects of their lives: conflicts, weddings, funerals,etc. On a special night, you may even hear poetry being recited. The activities andfunctions of the diwan are close to the heart of Arab society.

This book aspires to be both types of diwan. First, we want to keep the Arab heritage byrecording those cultural practices that you might encounter in the Arab region. Second,this book will allow you to enter into that special room in an Arab house to hear and seethings that are distinctively Arab. However, because I want to bring you into the cultureof our entire country, I have used the word baladna in the title, which means ourcountry. Gathering and writing the information found in this book has been difficult, but alsofascinating and enjoyable, especially as I reflected on differences between Arab andWestern cultures. I was surprised to find a lack of books or other written resources aboutpopular Arab culture written by Arab authors and published in English. During my years ofworking closely with foreigners in Jordan to help them understand and thrive in theJordanian language and culture, I have accumulated many observations, insights, andpractical resources pertaining to the differences between Middle Eastern and Westerncultures. I have tried to organize and present these observations in a helpful and non-judgmental fashion. I trust these shared experiences and insights will help you come tounderstand and love the culture of the Arabs. I will endeavor to explain many of the basic elements about Arab culture, and show howunderstanding these subjects will help you fit in with your host culture and avoid themost common misunderstandings between our respective peoples. Basics of Arab Culture Arab culture is ancient, vast, and distinguished. Although it has been shaped by othercultures down through the centuries, it has retained its independence and basicdistinctive characteristics. One of the principle forces that shaped Arab culture was thecontinual adaptation necessary to survive in a harsh desert climate. This harsh climateforced the people to forge a strong, cohesive society. As a result, Arab culture is one ofthe most unique and distinctive in the world. After it was consolidated during the Islamicperiod, it had a unique language, alphabet, judicial system, and poetry. These show theArab creativity and cleverness, and reflect the Arab life, thinking, feelings andimagination. The Holy Quran is in Arabic, the language which revealed the most heavenlywords ever and opened the way for it to spread around the world. However, when the Arab nations faced different political and economic issues, wars,colonization, and division, the Arab culture and language were affected. The current Arabculture is distinguished by its variations and apparent contradictions. We aresimultaneously mimicking and renewing, conservative and modern, constricting and free,proud and humble, internal and external, local and global, old and new. Thus, we seemany differences among Arabs as well as customs and traditions among tribes and largefamilies. The traditions that Arabs follow will differ because they are spread over a largegeographical area which extends from the Gulf of Arabia to Europe, and from Central Asia

to Northwest Africa. This vast geographic region has widely different political, economicand practical circumstances, histories, and trading partners; therefore, its language andculture has differentiated into noticeable subcultures and dialects. Rural communities still form the majority of the population of most developing countries.Since most Arab countries are still developing, many Arab societies are rural.Nevertheless, technology, trade, and religious forces have brought new influences whichhave challenged the traditional rural lifestyle. Arabs are still living in a familialenvironment and keeping their basic traditions despite different applications to modernsociety. While we all have cell phones and appear very similar to an average Westerner, at ourcore Arabs are very different. In my view, the biggest difference between Western andArab cultures is the tendency toward perfection in the West, and our satisfaction withapproximation in the Middle East.

The Tendency Toward Perfection in Western CultureThis tendency emerged after World War II when Western countries sought theestablishment of a new economic system to rebuild the countries in which economicand infrastructure systems had been destroyed. These countries were dominated bythese financial and economic policies, which had been put in place to prevent anothercatastrophe and to make life for the masses financially feasible. This affected their livesand changed various aspects; and as a result, they lost some of the influence of culturaland family values. Their lives turned to industry, allowing machines to accomplish theirtasks for them without considering what had been culturally important or morepermanent than money; such as religion, family, and traditions. The Perfection Theory is about seeking the highest possible good in appearance,clothes, food, work, education, etc. They strive to eliminate all mistakes or defects inthese things or in their work; any defect renders these things useless. Part of thiscomes from the intense competition of a relatively free-market capitalist society. Allproducts must be new and improved to stay ahead of the competition. Development orprogress is paramount, and previous culture, traditions, and sometimes even religiousheritage can be less important. Satisfaction with Approximation in Arab CultureArab countries are mostly considered third world or developing countries, and so aremostly populated by poorer people. As such, for the vast majority, the thought of livinga financially sound life is as likely as going to the moon; it happens for a few people,but most are left behind. Thus, their lives are dogged by money or the lack thereof. Thepeople of these countries do not try to reach perfection, but rather spend more timethinking about the relationships involved in a situation and the community aspect toeverything.

This plays out in many ways, such as the service youll receive at a store or in yourhome. Western consumers are used to everything being done for them and to itsutmost completion, with perfection, and without having to say a word to the employee.In the Arab world, as long as it is being done reasonably, that is usually good enough.The goal is not really to beat the competition, but to do approximately as well as theydo.

Arab Heritage The heritage of any nation is like a fingerprint. Customs and traditions practiced by anypeople group can eventually become so entrenched in the social psyche, that they canrightly be categorized as a sort of norm or social law that must be followed by allmembers of that society. These social laws can be religious, linguistic, artistic, practical orany combination thereof. In the culture of the Arabs, all of these social dimensions helpdefine the borders of Arab society, which extends from Baghdad in Central Asia toMarrakesh on the North African coast, and from Beirut in the North, to Khartoum in EastAfrica. A distinctive Arabic culture can be discerned throughout this broad region, and inthis sense, the Arabic heritage is in essence, one. It originated from one source on theArab peninsula.Nevertheless, there are many distinct subcultures within this region thatvary widely from one another and, indeed, feel a certain rivalry with one another. Onesuch subculture, often referred to as the Levant region, is made up of Jordanian, Syrian,Lebanese, and Palestinian cultural traditions. These countries have a distinct sub-regionwithin Arab culture, one important defining factor being the dialect of Arabic that isspoken there. This book focuses on the norms of this region. Religion All cultures are heavily shaped by religion. Islam had a great (effect in) Arab culturethrough its beliefs, worship practices, moral values, political organization, art, literature,and family structure. Its no secret that religion in the Middle East is a huge issue. In fact,religion shapes the speech and forms a strong backdrop for almost every conversationand cultural feature in this part of the world. Nevertheless, there is a distinctly Arabculture that is common to all religions here, and it is that common Arab culture that I amaiming to describe in this book. Surely, the reader will discern some features describedherein that are rooted in one religious group or another; but that is for the reader tojudge and apply as they see fit.

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Gestures

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Methods & Rules for Greetings

There are two kinds of greetings in Jordan, physical and verbal. Every group of people hasa special greeting according to the nature of their life. Hand shaking, for example, isremembered since the era of the Bedouin, who would raise their hands upward, showingtheir palms, to show they werent carrying or hiding any weapons. This shaking of palmsin the air became the centurys standard for greetingsto indicate peace. These gesturesgrew and developed: palms raised in the air, palm over the heart, and other such forms.Arab greetings took a special form because of the nature of their lives. Arabs use avariety of greetings, dependent upon the time, place, and situation. Before Islam, Arabs used many greetings. When Islam was introduced it definedgreetings for Muslims as a duty, from one Muslim to another as brothers. This was meantas a way to draw people closer to each other as one society or family. Islams greeting ispeace be upon you. Peace is used here to mean security, confidence, and comfort, as wellas being one of Allahs names. Peace be upon you is a prayer asking God to watch overthe person, and keep them safe from harm. As it is generally accepted that people areconsidered equal, any individual is free to greet another. However, there are somecultural guidelines on how this is done. Some of the more common examples of this arediscussed here. Rules of Greetings

When greeting a group of people, it is common to direct the greeting to all of them. Ifthere is one in the group who is due respect, such as an elder, it is acceptable to greetthis person individually. The person who is riding in a car should greet the person who iswalking. Someone in a vehicle is considered higher in status than a pedestrian, and thus,when the rider greets the one walking he takes a humble position and indicates his desireto balance out the social difference. Likewise, a person who is walking should greet onewho is sitting, due to the belief that the one who is sitting is considered the resident orowner of the place, and, by sitting in that place, is showing his position of tranquility orpeace. On the other hand, the one walking by might be seen as an enemy poised toattack or cause distress. However, if he greets the one sitting he declares his peacefuland harmless intent. A younger person should greet an older person. In doing so, the younger person showsrespect and appreciation toward his elder. This act also acknowledges that the olderperson is wiser and more experienced in matters of tradition, religion, and culture, andthat there is a great deal to be learned from him. Concerning respect for differences inage, relationships among Arab families are governed by values understood by all. A childregards his parents with respect; a younger sibling shows respect to his older siblings; thechildren respect their uncles and aunts; etc. It seems that this tradition of respect for agein the Arab world has remained until today due to Islam, where such relationships are stillquite strictly regulated and adhered to. Muslim parents are responsible for bringing upchildren according to these Islamic rules. Hands Rule Placing ones hand on the head of another shows great respect to the person receivingthe gesture because the head is considered to be the most noble part of the body andworthy of respect and appreciation. Similar to a crown being placed upon the head of aking, this salutation might be given to a person who rendered a special service, or tosomeone of higher social status. Raising the right hand is a sign of extending peacetoward the individual so greeted. Commonly, this is a way of greeting someone who is ata distance where other greetings are not possible. Unlike a military salute, the hand isopen toward the individual. This greeting is also highly respected as a gesture of love andappreciation. For example, this gesture is often used by one crossing the street to thedriver of a car who slows to let him cross; the upraised hand is often interpreted as stopby Westerners, but not by Arabs. It is a sign of thanks. It is not commonly used from aman toward a woman since, for some, it may convey a negative feeling. It is better touse a different kind of greeting in this situation.As in the West, the raised hand is sometimes waved back and forth. This is especiallytrue when seeing a person at a greater distance, or when one is driving and wants togreet someone along the road. In some cases the hand is raised only slightly, perhapsonly as high as the lower chest. This isappropriate in situations where it is not possible to greet with words.

Kissing Rule Kissing the forehead is a greeting quite common among Jordanians. It is appropriate froma father to his daughter, or from a brother to his elder sister, his aunt, or other relatives.It is seen especially on occasions of congratulations or after a long absence. A brotherkisses his sisters forehead as a symbolic gesture of his honor for her chastity. A man maykiss another man on his forehead as a sign of humility, particularly in the case of apologyfor a mistake. Since the head is considered the part of the body worthy of dignity, honorand glory, this form of greeting carries deep meaning. Concerning the dignity of the head, there are some sayings that contain a great deal ofmeaning. A father might say to his son I want to raise my head up and be proud of you,meaning that he wants the son to honor him. Sometimes it will be said of a person hisactions raise the head up. Kissing the lips is not considered appropriate behavior. Even ahusband will not kiss his wife on the lips in front of other people. This is consideredoutside the mores of society and would be greeted with mockery or snickering. Thehusband would be considered unable to control his feelings or his mind. In general, a manwill not kiss a woman in front of other people as it may bring shame upon her. Methods of GreetingMethods of Greeting Another Shaking hands is an accepted social expression among Jordanians. It is considered agesture of love, respect, and harmony, and is a way to maintain social relationships. Ithelps show that the group has moved from a closed society to a more open one. Shakinghands is done by extending the right hand to the other person. This often takes placebetween two people who know each other well. If two acquaintances meet rathersuddenly, the first greeting should be a word of hello, followed by a handshake. Handsmay be held for a while as other words of conversation follow. This too expresses loveand respect. Visitors from the West may notice that often times the handshake in Jordanis not a firm prolonged grasp as in North America or Europe, but rather a more briefconnection of the hands. If there has been a long period of separation, the parties may greet each other warmlyand enthusiastically, and questions are exchanged about each others health, happiness,work, and family, particularly the sons, if the person is known to have such. Likewiseapologies might be offered by each person for neglecting the other for such a long time,along with excuses for not making the effort to contact the other person. This comesoften as the result of a question that may contain a tone of blame, such as where haveyou been all this time? This is understood among Jordanians as a desire to affirm thefriendship. Visitors often mistake this as a sign that the person doesnt feel the other hasshown enough interest in them. This is usually not the case; it is our way of showing the

person how much we care about them. Method of Shaking Hands Shaking hands is governed by certain rules. First, although men are permitted to shakehands with a woman they do not know, in the case of a woman of higher status, it is wiseto wait until she offers her hand. Second, if strangers meet in a public place, a verbalgreeting (commonly peace be upon you) should be offered first, and then hands can beextended. This kind of greeting can then be followed by questions to learn more aboutthe person, his business, or his family. Such an exchange is usually quite brief, and thetwo people might not have a further relationship. It is not acceptable for a man to shakehands with a woman he meets suddenly in public. The reason being that such a greetingembarrasses her and might decrease her value in the eyes of others. If the two knoweach other well, a handshake is acceptable, and may be followed by the commoninquiries. For some women the shaking of hands is uncomfortable. In Arabic culture, a womansreputation is extremely important, and a part of maintaining her reputation is keeping asafe social distance from men. Ordinarily, physical contact between men and women isnot acceptable. Although a handshake might be acceptable to some Arabic women (sinceit is simply a common greeting), depending on the circumstances, a handshake might beconsidered an intrusion of her privacy. This is especially true of older women, or womenfrom more conservative families. A mans handshake might seem somewhat aggressive.Those looking on might feel that there is a secret relationship between the two,jeopardizing the womans reputation. It is true that a womans attitude, and alsotradition, might differ from place to place and family to family. Some might feelcomfortable in shaking hands while others might feel embarrassment. It is also true thatcustoms are changing, and some modern women see shaking hands as a proper greeting.However, when a stranger meets her for the first time it is wise for him to wait until sheoffers her hand. There are other situations suitable for handshakes, such as entering apublic place with a friend and meeting someone for the first time. If the friend does notintroduce his companion, the companion may introduce himself and extend his hand foran initial greeting. Kissing the Hand Kissing the hand of another is a more formal greeting performed by the one whoconsidered lower in status to the one who is higher, by age or position. This gesture is asource of pride for Jordanians in that it expresses social values of respect toward olderpeople and appreciation toward parents, thereby supporting family solidarity. Forexample, if a son has not seen his parents for a long time he will, upon his return, takethe right hand of each of his parents and, bowing down, kiss it before pressing it to hisforehead as a sign of appreciation. The parent often returns the sign of affection by

planting a kiss upon the sons cheek. Such an exchange of appreciation reminds the sonthat his parents have raised him from infancy and have supplied him with everything heneeded to become an adult. The parents in return feel that their efforts were not wastedand that their son has become a fruitful part of society. Thus kissing hands is used as a symbol of gratitude toward the parents on the part of theson, and the parents receive it as a sign of obedience. The meaning is, of course,dependent on the condition that the greeting truly comes from the heart. Kissing thehand is a greeting among others also, such as a younger brother kissing the hand of anolder brother for whom he has respect. This is appropriate especially after the death ofthe parents, when the older brother takes on the leading role in the family. With the changing cultural attitudes, especially among the younger more independentgeneration, these values are changing. This is difficult for more traditional familymembers who still want to insist that the opinion of the head of the family be obeyed andto whom an independent spirit is not appropriate. Thus the head of the family seeshimself as judge, and his word is the final word. Kissing the hand of the elder helps toavoid the feeling that the younger one is breaking away from traditional family values. Please understand that kissing the hand is by no means a demeaning act for thoseoffering this greeting (as it might be in other cultures). Rather, it is a support for thevalues inherited from ones parents and grandparents, and remains a sign of respect andappreciation. Kissing Now we come to one of the most well-recognized features of Middle Eastern culture: thegreeting with a kiss. Almost everyone in the Middle East hugs a friend, colleague orbrother of the same gender after a time of separation (usually two weeks or more) or hewill do the Arabic kiss. Most of the time there is only the sound of kissing and the brieftouching of the two cheeks together. In Jordan, one shakes the others hand and leansover and kisses the right check first (or touches checks with the sound of kissing), thenswitches and kisses the left check. The left check is often kissed one to three times insuccession. In Egypt, for example, one kiss may be offered repeatedly from the rightcheek to the left and, again, from right to left. (It is proper to kiss the right cheek first,even if the act is repeated four or five times.) The act of kissing the cheek expresses the feeling of missing the person and the delight inmeeting again. After this gesture, the friends will inquire about the health, work, andfamily of the other. Depending on the relationship of the two, the conversation mightcontinue for a long time. Kissing the cheek is also common at times of passing an exam,recovering from sickness, or coming through an emergency of some kind, such as afinancial crisis. At times like these the purpose behind the greeting is to express joy or

congratulations. The greeting is also used at the time of a loss of a family member. Itforms a bond of acquaintance even among those one has not known previously. Thepractice will vary somewhat according to the social or economic position of the deadperson and the bereaved family. Kissing cheeks may occur between males and females if the two are related, or ifmarriage is no possibility, such as a brother and sister or a man and his aunt, though thisexpression would not commonly take place in public. It remains proper among bloodrelatives, and Arabs cherish this tradition. Raising the Eyebrows Raising the eyebrows between two people is used as a signal of understanding insituations where other people are present and verbal exchange is not possible. It conveysmeaning without interrupting the proceedings where other people are involved. Thissignal would usually occur only between close friends. Holding Hands Often men will place both hands on the shoulders of the other and embrace, perhapseven going from right to left several times with their heads in a kind of kissing gesture.This kind of greeting will take place particularly after a long separation. It is alsoacceptable for men to hold hands or walk arm-in-arm down the street. This is often a bigshock to Westerners who often completely misinterpret this action. Because the gendersare much more carefully separated in the Arab culture, men tend to be more physical inexpressing their friendship and admiration for one another. It has nothing to do with sex.Such a gesture indicates a close friendship and mutual appreciation. Holding hands andhugging in public are not appropriate between men and woman, no matter what theirrelationship.

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The Art of Complimenting

Throughout the ages, Arabs have been famous for reciting poetry, sharing proverbs, andpublic speaking. Tribes, families, and villages used to gather in the tent of the eldest manin the clan, in kings palaces by invitation, or other special meeting places, all for the sakeof listening to the poets. These poets would proceed to commend the host of the eventon his wealth, his generosity or his good hospitality, all through the beauty of eloquentpoems. Arabs were also famous for describing a womans beauty by using prose andsong, and there were many poetry competitions during that time. A woman could

participate in these competitions and even pay for her own poets to recite songsdescribing her beauty in front of Arab knights, in hopes that they would desire to marryher. Although this practice is a bit more subtle today, compliments are still a huge part ofArab social values. How Arabs Compliment Since compliments are woven into the fabric of Arab lives, flattery takes on many colorfulforms. One person might demonstrate the art of complimenting by expressing love andgratitude towards another. One may say warm and pleasant things about their children ortheir house. A third might compliment the good intentions of a friend. All of these aresigns of respect and honor toward the receiver. Therefore, what is an important goal for an Arab is not so much how one compliments,rather how often and smoothly one does so. Complimenting is considered by many peopleone of the elemental forms of diplomacy by which a person wins friends, gains financialprofit and other personal advantages. As such, compliments have become a way of life forArabs, a tradition and a part of the air that they breathe. Enjoying & Requiring Compliments Socially, the art of complimenting is perceived as positive, not negative, because it drawspeople closer and confirms the relationship, so that the person who receives thecompliment feels affirmed and comfortable. A person does not acquire the art ofcomplimenting on his own. A young person will first learn in the home through modeling,where they will observe how their parents and family interact with kind words and howhonored guests are received into the home. They will also learn the delicate catch-phrases that are exchanged between their parents and guests, as some of thesestatements of beauty require particular replies. Also, clan and family take a part incomplimenting through encouraging, helping, and saying sweet words with relatives,even more than is done with friends. There are many words and expressions that arewell-known to be used figuratively, not literally, such as the world enlightens your face.However, we use such compliments often, particularly in formal situations or jobsdependent on excellent human interaction or relationships. Some might say this is where the dishonesty lies. On the other hand, most others mayperceive these words as lovely, pleasing, and a way to bond us all together. In fact, someconsider the lack of such expressions to be a form of rudeness or self-centeredness thatignores others and fails to appreciate them and show basic respect in an appropriatemanner. Some may even avoid and consider him an enemy if one subtly criticizes them orhints at anothers behavior and lifestyle negatively. Compliments draw people together,binding them through words. It affirms relationships and comforts friends or familymembers. Viewed from outside the culture, one might perceive this as dishonesty or

manipulation, however, it is no more dishonest than an artist who ascribes more beautyto his subject than meets the eye. Furthermore, the precise social role and context inwhich compliments take place are well understood by both by the one complimenting andthe one receiving the compliment.

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1. Acknowledgements2. Introduction3. Gestures4. Methods & Rules for Greetings5. The Art of Complimenting